# data[].attributes.body
Hi Nate, I have three wishes for you. My first wish is to add more to your claim. Instead of saying “Karma” be more descriptive about your theme and add more. Another thing to improve in your timed persuasive essay is adding more to your story overall. I had trouble understanding your story because of how little your story is. My last wish is  to improve your claim because your claim should be different from your theme and not be one word.

# data[].attributes.headline
hello Nathan my wish is  for your first evidence you said that  there was karma but you didn’t show how so in the cuter i would probably change that. My next wish is for both of your explanation you change it and add way more detail like instead of just saying like this is good because it explains that the birds were being mean they fell off etc you could make it actually make it like a life lesson. Next your sentences should have more detail instead of  5 or so words add more and make them descriptive.

# data[].attributes.subject
hello Nathan my wish is  for your first evidence you said that  there was karma but you didn’t show how so in the cuter i would probably change that. My next wish is for both of your explanation you change it and add way more detail like instead of just saying like this is good because it explains that the birds were being mean they fell off etc you could make it actually make it like a life lesson. Next your sentences should have more detail instead of  5 or so words add more and make them descriptive.

# data[].attributes.body
Hello, this piece is very good! An example of this would be the theme. I personally like the theme! I think it fits in with the piece itself, (my opinion) and I even used the theme. So I can confirm I think it’s a good theme.  And it’s great in all, but there are a few bad things about this. Such as the lack of highlighting for the transition words, or the wrong use of the word toe. Which it’s “talon” because it’s a bird. There are also these spaces which leave white gaps, which doesn’t look very nice. Also the sum up sentence seems to lack a bit of explanation. Instead of saying it’s the theme because it makes sense, maybe you could do “the theme of the Pixar short, “For The Birds,” is that karma…[short explanation].” But either way it’s a good piece.

# data[].attributes.body
Hi Nate. First off, I really liked the transition word “Certainly…” i really liked that transition word because it made me more curious to find out your thoughts on the Pixar short “For the Birds.” In addition I liked how you didn’t use the same words over and over again. Since you didn’t use the same words over and over again it really made it sound better. I do feel that you should’ve made it make a bit more sense because I didn't really understand when you said “After that they start pecking at his toe and he falls. This is good because it explains how the birds were not being nice and how they deserved to fall off. I didn’t really  understand that because I don't know how that's good.

# data[].attributes.body
Hello Nate! One wish I have in your paragraph is your detail . In particular, your explanation is very short and your readers would get confused. Also,  you should really reword your sum up sentence. You just say the claim again and you should really reword it. Finally, you should add one more evidence and explanation. You only have one evidence and one explanation and it isrequired to have two

# data[].attributes.body
Hi nate! A strength of your theme analysis paragraph, “Piper” is that your details were amazing. In addition, I like your transitions. Some things you could improve is the fact you only had one explanation. Another thing you could improve on is your checklist, your checklist is there for a reason and you checked off more than 5 transition words, you had 3.

# data[].attributes.headline
hi Nate a strength of your paragraph is your detail you add some detail here and there. My wish is to add a lot more sentences and transition words so you could add more fluff and add some more depth . You should also add another explanation and evidence it would help get your point across.

# data[].attributes.subject
hi Nate a strength of your paragraph is your detail you add some detail here and there. My wish is to add a lot more sentences and transition words so you could add more fluff and add some more depth . You should also add another explanation and evidence it would help get your point across.

# data[].attributes.body
Hi  Nate, a strength in your writing theme analysis paragraph “biggest bird” you used  a variety of interesting transition words and examples are “Certainly”, “First of all” and etc. Another thing that surprised me was how your writing was sorted properly from “claim, evidence explanation, and sum up. A wish piece is maybe adding one more piece of evidence and explanation to make your writing better.

# data[].attributes.body
hey Nate, i really like how you put your transition words in the perfect places for example when you had the transition word first of all right before your evidence.    Although your sum up sentence states the same sentence as your claim.   But your last 2 sentences basically sway the same thing so I would combine them to make a big strong sentence.

# data[].attributes.body
Hi Nate. A strength of your theme analysis paragraph “Biggest Bird” was how the how supported the claim.  It related to the theme very well.Additionally, I also thought that some of your word choices were pretty good. They were fun and unique. In particular, I liked how you used the word “To sum it up,” and “Certainly.”   However,  I feel like for the explanation there should be a transition word. Because it would sound a bit better. It would also make the explanation sound mor mature.

# data[].attributes.body
Hi Nate. A strength of your theme analysis paragraph, “Biggest Bird” is all of the creative transition words. In particular I enjoyed it when it said, “Certainly.” Additionally, I liked the evidence you picked. When it said, “Piper sees a crab dig a hole and tries it and sees all the food.” This evidence really supports the theme of your story. However, A suggestion that I can offer for improvement is to perhaps start your evidence with a transition word. For some readers, without the highlighting, it might be confusing where the explanation starts or ends. Other than that, great job!

# data[].attributes.headline
wish 1 I wish you would add more detail I know this sounds plain but there is almost none just add a bit more second wish if you could make you piece longer going of my second wish add more think of more stuff. Star 1 I like how you kept saying turtle you really tried to express that turtles are important in the classroom.

# data[].attributes.subject
wish 1 I wish you would add more detail I know this sounds plain but there is almost none just add a bit more second wish if you could make you piece longer going of my second wish add more think of more stuff. Star 1 I like how you kept saying turtle you really tried to express that turtles are important in the classroom.

# data[].attributes.body
Hi Nate! I saw how your timed persuasive paragraph was thoroughly checked for grammar and clarity. I did see how every piece of evidence placed in your essay was later then explained. Though I do wish you completed more of your essay. It would’ve been an extremely intriguing story if you completed it.

# data[].attributes.headline
Nate I made a turtle for you with the AI on this website

# data[].attributes.subject
Nate I made a turtle for you with the AI on this website

# data[].attributes.body
hi Nate I really liked how you added a lot of persuasive words in your essay. I really liked this because I think it really brought your essay to life and for the reader to understand you. In addition I also thought that your exclamation points were really good I thought that they were good because you put very good words to make the reader be on your side.however I thought if your essay was longer it could make the reader agree with you more .

# data[].attributes.body
I enjoyed your cees paragraphs and the introduction but the conclusion was disappointing you should have tabbed it and made it make a lot more sense.

# data[].attributes.body
Hey Nate. A strength of your story “The Furriest fast dog,” is how you paid attention to the names. I never saw a dialogue without you not-mentioning the name. I never got confused on who was talking. I also liked the intro to your story because it started with a question. So I was hooked on why he was asking that question. However, for the first half of your story I didn’t understand who Cromwell was. It was only till the end that I realized Cromwell was your pet dog. However, other than that, I really enjoyed your story.

# data[].attributes.headline
I think this story was planned out very well and that it has a lot of dialogue, again. Along with everything being spaced out very well, AND its an easy-to-read story. The ending is sweet and I personally love that the dad did end up giving Cromwell training, it makes you feel warm inside, it’s a very nice detail. There is very little periods or commas, and sometimes mis-placement. An example of no periods or commas is the quote: ”-loses its her fault kevin thought to himself she ended up winning the game but-“.                                                                                                                                                  ^                                    But besides that, everything is pretty good-Daniel S

# data[].attributes.subject
I think this story was planned out very well and that it has a lot of dialogue, again. Along with everything being spaced out very well, AND its an easy-to-read story. The ending is sweet and I personally love that the dad did end up giving Cromwell training, it makes you feel warm inside, it’s a very nice detail. There is very little periods or commas, and sometimes mis-placement. An example of no periods or commas is the quote: ”-loses its her fault kevin thought to himself she ended up winning the game but-“.                                                                                                                                                  ^                                    But besides that, everything is pretty good-Daniel S

# data[].attributes.body
I really like the beggening of you price of how you used the dialogue it really brought the store to reaal life. How you switched from character to chapter it felt like I was in it. Also I really liked the inner thoughts because it felt like I was frustrated to and the charchter was so it worked. And I knew how the perseon felt and got to get was better understanding. The one thing that I wish was the ending I feel like it didn’t make much scene as I thought it kinda just left me there. Either though you had a really good piece.

# data[].attributes.body
A great part of your memoir was the way you showed how the turtles act differently from one to another such as when you showed how the one tried to bite you in full detail and then afterwards showing how the other one was calmer to you. Another thing I liked was how you told facts about the turtle throughout the writing, such as when you showed how many turtle lived to adulthood 1/ 1000. My only wish is that some of the letters in the wrighting were miss placed but other then that this was perfect.

# data[].attributes.headline
I liked how you wrote what the bay was like in the beginning of your story and being specific with your writing another thing I liked was when you wrote what you realized at the end of the story I think I saw was when you were to specific in parts of your writing but not all 

# data[].attributes.subject
I liked how you wrote what the bay was like in the beginning of your story and being specific with your writing another thing I liked was when you wrote what you realized at the end of the story I think I saw was when you were to specific in parts of your writing but not all 

# data[].attributes.headline
Edward Marques (first comment, lets gooo!)

# data[].attributes.subject
Edward Marques (first comment, lets gooo!)

# data[].attributes.body
I really liked how you described the joy you felt when you released the turtles, and how you felt concerned for them. Another thing I liked was when you told us the type of turtle that you saved. One thing I would like you to change is literally the grammar. I just don’t like seeing incorrect grammar.