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What should I fix? See anything you aren't a fan of? Let me know

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WORK COMPLETE ✅ Thank you Dr. Horton for giving me this opportunity to write. I feel like this is the most fun I have had while writing in a long time. Please let me know if there is anything you would recommend me fixing in my writing. Happy Summer

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What can I do to make my personal bio more friendly and appealing?

What are some hooks or experiences I can use in my P&S essay to replace my first paragraph?

What does my portfolio need to make it more engaging and more appealing? Is there anything you don't quite understand that I could help to clarify or change

Thanks for all the feedback ✅

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Photo Cited in Comments

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I wanted to explain where I went wrong in my proposal and why I had to update my proposal along the way to fit the essay I wanted to write. I wanted to explore other areas of my topic and so with the information I already collected, I went ahead and changed the direction I wanted to go with in my essay. Here's the story.

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This is my redo. I went from third person business to first person casual. But I also wanted to show my personality and provide my WHY for my goals and aspirations. I think I really do enjoy this version better as I feel it shows me for me rather than in third person where I felt that I was putting on a fake version of myself.

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This is the revised version of my P&S essay. Here I took advice from Dr. Horton and my peers and changed the opening paragraph to reflect a more clear and concise audience. I also revamped some of my data, lessened some of the repetitive areas and added in some personal (non-specific and non-HIPAA) anecdotes to help tie in my solution to the problem.

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More ED waiting time details from 2022