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Chapter 4- Attachments: Forming Close Relationships 

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Chapter 4- Attachments: Forming Close Relationships 

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1.     Insecure-Disorganized Attachment- Children shows signs of disorganization when parent returns after leaving child. An example of this is when a child cries for their parent at the door or approaches their parent with their head down.

2.     Nature and Quality of Attachment- The parents’ role in the development of the infant’s attachment style. An example of this is when estrogen levels in young women of childbearing age make them responsive to cuteness in infants. Mothers also contribute to attachment styles by being sensitive to their baby’s signals and responding to their needs.

3.     Secure base- A starting point from which infants can venture forth to explore the world and a haven of safety to which he or she can return in times of danger or stress. An example of this is when parents go to a child’s basketball game and comforts the child even if their team loses. The parent can support the child by telling them how great of a job they did and remind them that they are still amazing regardless of the outcome of their games. This will make the child feel safe and encourage them to keep playing future games.

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Chapter 5- Emotions: Thoughts about Feelings

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Chapter 5- Emotions: Thoughts about Feelings

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1.     Social Referencing- The process of “reading” emotional cues in others to help determine how to act in an uncertain situation. Younger infants are likely to act first and look later while older infants are more likely to check with the mother before acting. An example of this is when a child wants to pick up another child’s toy but looks at their mother for approval.

2.     Emotional Regulation- The managing, monitoring, evaluating, and modifying of emotional reactions to reduce the intensity and duration of emotional arousal. This allows children to feel better during intense emotions and feelings. It also helps others around the child to respond positively. An example of this is when a child can distract themselves with play if they are afraid of something.

3.     Childhood Depression- A mood disorder often manifested in despondent mood and loss of interest in familiar activities but possibly expressed as irritability and crankiness and difficulty concentrating or focusing on tasks. An example of this is when a child begins having difficulty concentrating and focusing on class.

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Chapter 6- Self & Other: Getting to Know Me, Getting to Know You

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Chapter 6- Self & Other: Getting to Know Me, Getting to Know You

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1.     Self-esteem- The evaluative component of self that taps how positively or negatively people view themselves in relation to others. Children who have high self-esteem view themselves as competent, capable, and are pleased with who they are. The downsides of high self-esteem can be increasing early sexual activity and drinking. An example of high self-esteem is a child being able to build good relationships with peers because they feel confident speaking to others.

2.     Identity- The definition of oneself as a discrete, separate entity. A person can ask themselves “Who am I?” or “What will I become?” in terms of religious views, political values, gender preference, and occupational aspirations. An example of identity is ethnic identity, which recognizes someone of being of a member of a particular race or ethnic group.

3.     Stereotype- A general label applied to individuals based solely on their membership in a racial, ethnic, or religious group, without appreciation that individuals within the group vary. Children already begin showing ethnic and racial stereotypes in preschool. An example of a stereotype is a child believing that their African American peer is a fast runner.

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Reflection: Chapter 4- Attachments: Forming Close Relationships

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Reflection: Chapter 4- Attachments: Forming Close Relationships

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1.     From chapter 4, I talked about insecure-disorganized attachment styles in children. I felt that I could relate to this component of the chapter because I believe that this is my attachment style. I saw this attachment style in my adulthood, mainly with romantic partners. I struggled creating trusting relationships with many of my boyfriends and feared intimacy. Because of my attachment style, I had low self-esteem for much of adulthood which made me feel underserving of love. As I grew older, I began to change how I saw myself and realized that I was deserving of love.

2.     I believe that my parents played a large role in how my attachment style formed. Growing up in an abusive household, I wasn’t allowed to form opinions or speak about my feelings. Because of this, it felt like I couldn’t rely on my parents for comfort or support. This made it difficult to form friendships and relationships as a child because I felt that I would never be able to rely on them as well.

3.     Because my “secure base” as a child was abusive, I was extremely scared of taking risks or getting out of my comfort zone. I knew that if I failed at something, I would not have the support to recover from it. As I grew older, I found my “secure base” within my friendships. My loving and supportive friendships gave me the confidence to believe in myself and to explore the world. Whether or not I would succeed, I knew that I had people that would be proud of me. The friendships I was lucky enough to form has really helped me find the confidence to become the person I’ve always wanted to be.

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Reflection: Chapter 5- Emotions: Thoughts about Feelings

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Reflection: Chapter 5- Emotions: Thoughts about Feelings

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1.     I feel that I am always looking for social cues within my environment so I can be aware of other people’s feelings. I think this is because I grew up feeling alone and hopeless, and I understand how it feels like not fitting in. You never know what someone is going through and being aware of other’s people’s feelings allows you to understand them better.

2.     Just a few years ago, I struggled regulating my emotions, such as anger and sadness. It was difficult for me to express these feelings or even feel them. When I was angry or sad it felt like I couldn’t control my reckless behavior. I turned to alcohol to numb my feelings, which made bury those feelings. I am currently 5 months sober, and I feel like I have completely changed as a person. Without alcohol it has forced me to sit and face my feelings and emotions. I’ve learned to feel emotions such as anger or sadness but to not stay in them. I realize that these emotions are normal and that it’s okay to be upset. Sitting with these feelings has helped me process them and taught me to move on from them.

3.     As a child, I felt that I could have been depressed. There were periods of times where I lacked the motivation to focus on school. Feeling hopelessness at home translated to school, which changed the way I viewed myself as a student. I thought there was no point doing well in school because I was constantly told that I was never good enough. As an adult, I can’t say that I feel the same way but there are times that I feel similar. There are days where I feel sad and unmotivated to do anything. In another part of the reflection, I talked about how creating loving friendships really impacted my life. The times where I feel depressed, I’ve learned to reach out to my friends. Talking to my friends makes me realize that these periods in my life are not permanent and that I’m strong enough to overcome it. Instead of being hard on myself for being depressed and unmotivated, I am working on being gentle and understanding to myself. I realize that it’s okay to have bad days and to rest instead.

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Reflection: Chapter 6- Self & Other: Getting to Know Me, Getting to Know You

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Reflection: Chapter 6- Self & Other: Getting to Know Me, Getting to Know You

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1.     As an adult my self-esteem has changed drastically over the years. Moving out of my parents’ home allowed me to find myself and become my own person. I started to explore the world on my own terms and discover who I was. I can now say that I view myself as someone who confident and is deserving of love. Building my self-esteem changed the expectations I had for myself and for my relationships. With these expectations, it allows me to not settle for less or things that do not serve me. Having low self-esteem as a teenager made me think that toxic romantic partners who did not treat me well was okay. I realized that I stayed in many of these relationships because I believed that I was not worthy of a loving relationship. Building my self-esteem has given me the confidence to expect more out of myself and others around me. I also decided 2 years ago that I would be taking a break from dating so I can grow even more as a person and figure out what I want out of my romantic relationships.

2.     My identity has also changed while building my self-esteem. I have a much better understanding of who I am and who I want to be. I see myself as a person that is working towards their goals and dreams of becoming a child life specialist. Having this dream motivates me to work harder and to stay on track. It took a couple of changes in majors to figure this out but I’m happy I did. I realize that finding yourself involves trial and error, understanding that it is not a linear process.

3.     Unfortunately, I witness stereotyping on social media very often and I can see the harmful effects it has. It has always been important for me to not stereotype others because not one individual is the same. Treating people with respect and kindness is something that I will always do and something that I will teach to my future children. I believe children learn this behavior not only from peers, but most importantly, their caregivers.

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It was extremely eye opening creating this portfolio because I was able to reflect on my growth as an individual. I’ve been hard on myself recently and it was a nice reminder reflecting on the changes I’ve made in my life. Looking back at my childhood attachment style and comparing it to my current attachment style made me feel even more excited for the future. My goal for my next relationship is to find someone who treats me with the same love and respect that I give myself. I am no longer settling for people who treat me poorly. I also enjoyed reflecting on my self-esteem and it made me realize how far I’ve come. It makes me feel proud knowing that I’ve learned to love myself and how it’s impacted my life. Your self-esteem sets the tone for the relationship you have with yourself and how you view yourself. It’s helped me create healthy and loving friendships, which I’m so grateful for. It made me think of all the wonderful people in my life that support me and encourage me to grow. I am no longer that lonely and hopeless child I once was. My life has purpose and meaning, which motivates me to keep going. I realize that I can reach my goals and dreams because of how strong I am. I know I’m not exactly where I want to be in life, but I hope to continue growing so I can become the person I’ve always wanted to be.