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Center for Parent and Teen Communication

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Use an “I statement” to fuel production conversations.

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Center for Parent and Teen Communication

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Seven Expert Tips for Talking with Teens

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Seven Expert Tips for Talking with Teens

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Need Help Talking With Teens?

Spoiler alert: It's what you know that counts. Until recently, the message to parents about setting and monitoring limits focused on asking a lot of questions. Who are you going to be with? Where are you going? When will you be home? The who, what, where, when, and whys we asked were the hallmarks of caring, active, involved parents. But the strategy didn't work as well as hoped. Over time we've realized the essential ingredient for successfully talking with teens: It's not what we ask - it's what we know.

Young people are supposed to test limits and even occasionally stray beyond the lines to see what is out there. It's our job as parents to keep them safe by setting clear and appropriate boundaries and holding vital discussions about being their best selves. We must be the voice in their heads helping them maintain good judgment. We've got to parent in ways that make our children want to share their experiences.

Effective Monitoring

Asking too many questions can feel controlling and may lead to lies. You could guarantee knowing what is going on if you just placed a microchip in your kid. You could put a GPS tracker on the car. You could use technology to track your teen's phone. You could follow their texting, social media, and computer usage. But if you rely on these strategies alone, you must accept that a savvy 10-year-old can run circles around most adults with technology. (Full disclosure: a 4-year-old can outwit me!) You must also recognize that you may make your teens feel like you don't trust them. Or, that you are trying to control them.

Effective monitoring is about being the kind of parent whose teen chooses to share what's going on in their life. We want our children to know they can count on us to look out for them. To understand we are a safety check - so that they can stretch without straying too far. We need to build the kind of relationship where being honest makes sense. The way we listen, tells teens they are free to talk. Controlling our reactions, tells them they can talk without fear of being judged.

7 Essential Communication Strategies

1) Control Reactions

The first step in effectively monitoring teens is to learn to monitor our reactions. When parents serve as sounding boards - listening deeply and offering guidance when asked - young people learn to bounce ideas off of us. They allow us to help them consider how things might play out. And to support them to make decisions. On the other hand, when we react strongly, they stop telling us things they think will make us uncomfortable or angry.

2) Be a Good Listener

Adolescents crave adult attention (even though they sometimes push us away). Good listening is respectful. It is about giving someone full attention. Listening, and then reflecting on what you heard can help teens become aware of their own wisdom. Listening respectfully and without judgment does not mean you necessarily agree with what is being said. It is about creating a zone of safety - free from interruption, interrogation, or reaction. Parents who listen know what is going on in their teens' lives and can protect them when necessary. They can steer their teens away from trouble and learn about areas where limits need to be set. They know when their teens are ready to expand their limits.

One of the best ways to actively listen is to check-in and reflect on what was said. Try, "I think I heard you say ______________" or "Would I be correct to think you meant ______________" or "I was following you up until ________________, could you explain what you meant after that?" This listening style is really about being an active sounding board. Someone that makes sure young people are guided to clarify their own thoughts.

Effective monitoring is about being the kind of parent whose teen chooses to share what's going on in their life.

3) React Little

Just as active listening enables you to monitor your teens, reacting to what they say shuts down communication. When we quickly judge, share our concerns, or make accusations, our teens stop talking. When we try to solve their problems, they stop sharing. Non-reaction is the name of the game. Remain calm and aim to listen first.

4) Turn Off the Parent Alarm

The parent alarm screams "My child is in trouble!" It makes parents jump to the rescue before the sentence is completed. Too often we try to rescue our teens by controlling them. "Mom, I met this girl..." immediately translates into "You're too young to date!" That could have been an opportunity to talk about healthy sexuality - but not anymore. "Dad, what would you say if a friend wants you to get drunk with him?" turns into "I knew it, Zach is a terrible influence on you. Find other friends!" This parent threw away a golden opportunity to discuss navigating peer pressure and the danger of mind-altering substances.

5) Don't Catastrophize

When teens talk about things that concern us, our natural instinct is to go on full alert. Everything becomes a potential catastrophe that must be solved. "Mom, Dad, I might get a C- in history this quarter" is met with "No son of mine is going to fail!" or "You'll never get into college!" Unfortunately, these parents won't hear about grades because their teens won't want to deal with the drama.

6) Avoid Over-Empathizing

Parents prevent further sharing when they over-empathize and take on their children's pain as their own. "Mom, I had a huge fight with Teresa. I hate her!" "I don't blame you! I never liked her. She didn't treat you well! I can't stand her mother either." Here's the problem. The next day, Teresa is back to being her best friend. But this parent may never know because she took sides. His or her daughter may be too embarrassed to share the fact that her viewpoint and friendship has changed once again.

7) Offer Constructive Feedback

Even subtle messages can have a big impact. Adolescents have incredibly strong sensors that pick up on criticism easily. Their fear of disappointing us, or of being judged by us, may limit further communication. In routine conversations, we can unintentionally minimize, belittle, or shame. "My teacher thinks I may never learn my lines in time for the show. I think she's right." If this is met with, "What does he know?" or "Don't worry you'll be the star!" or "Don't cry. It's really not that bad," the parent may unintentionally limit the teens' willingness to share the feedback received from others in the future.

Adolescents still have a desire to please us. However, they are particularly sensitive to our reactions and may stop talking to spare our feelings. They also may shut down if they sense we are trying to control them. On the other hand, they crave our guidance. When our feedback is about helping them shape their own ideas, they will gain resilience and share more often.

The Good News

The fact that listening without reaction is the key to monitoring is a good thing for parents. Many people struggle to find the perfect words. This frees parents from the unrealistic pressure to always have a solution at hand. It's liberating to see young people as the experts in their own lives and to understand our role is to harness their wisdom. Sometimes that wisdom is not on the surface, but it is there ready to be tapped into and then shaped by us.

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Essential strategies for talking with teens.

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Our goal in parenting is to raise children prepared to thrive far into the future. If only the route they chose was uniformly smooth and our role was just to be the wind behind their sails. But the course, in the best of cases, is bumpy. Therefore, our challenge is to help them learn from their mistakes, move forward, and somehow be better off precisely because of the wisdom gained from their experiences. As a parent, there are a few things you can do - and others you shouldn't - to assure your child learns from mistakes.

Five Ways to Drive Home Life's Lessons

1. Be grateful you know. Seriously. I know life would be much easier if we just could keep blinders on. But the fact that you know means you are in a position to be protective. If your child told you something - no matter how upsetting - it means you have that vital protective connection.

2. Stay calm. Your fear, frustration, and anger will transfer immediately to your child. Even if they are not in panic mode, they can easily be pushed into it by absorbing your feelings. Don't get us wrong, we are not suggesting that you are not allowed to feel angry or frightened out-of-your-mind. Those feelings are justifiable. We are just saying to take a time-out until you can discipline properly. (Remember "discipline" means to teach, not to punish.) You discipline best when you are in teacher-mode rather than attack or I-told-you-so mode.

3. Be a sounding board. Trust in your teen's ability to think through the problem and be there as they process what happened. Feel free to prompt with, "What might you do differently next time?" or "If a friend or your little sister was in a similar circumstance, what advice would you give?" Listen and notice their increased wisdom.

4. Express your trust in their ability to problem-solve. Base this on an existing strength or positive past experience. Rather than saying, "You always do this. I shouldn't be surprised you got into this mess," try something along the lines of "Well this certainly is a mess, but in the past, you were able to do (fill in the blank). That is a real strength of yours. How do you think that strength/skill might help you now?"

5. Remain unconditionally loving. Unconditional love does not mean unconditional acceptance. You should not accept behaviors that compromise safety or morality. (For example: using illegal drugs, vaping, drinking while under the influence of alcohol.) But your presence is unquestionable and there is always the possibility to be forgiven and to get a do-over. A consequence is an act of love designed to help your teen own or solidify a lesson. Loving parents give consequences because they care, not to punish or get even. Another reason to remain clearly loving is to be certain your teen never feels as though they have done irreparable harm to your relationship. If they do, they will feel as though they have nothing to lose in continuing the undesirable behavior. Maybe even worse is that next time they might hide the behavior from you rather than letting you help them get through it.

It is not a sign of failure to seek professional help. In sharp contrast, it is a sign of strength and committed parenting.

Five Things NOT to Do

In the most challenging parenting moments, every instinct in your body drives you towards actions you may regret later. We need to rise above our baser human instincts to be strategic in our parenting. Here are five things to avoid whenever possible.

1. Don't try to talk through a problem while in a panic. It is critical that your teen is able to think in order to solidify a lesson. That means they can't be in "running from danger" mode. It is not possible for the teen brain to absorb a lesson in active panic mode. Remind your child how happy you are that they are safe. Hug your child if it feels like it will help and tell them you'll talk later.

2. Don't lecture. Your goal is to have your teen own the solution and incorporate them into a growing repertoire of decision-making wisdom. Lectures backfire because they aren't understood by young people, especially when they are upset.

3. Don't use guilt. There is a good chance your teen already feels bad. They should absolutely know how concerned you are. They should know what the right way to handle the issue should be in the future. They should be reminded of the open and respectful communication you deserve. But if you make it about you, instead of the lesson, your teen may feel so bad they'll miss the point. What's more, guilt could push them above the emotional threshold they can handle. That could cause your teen to reject you rather than attempt to feel what they are not capable of processing.

4. Resist the urge to point out a pattern. As much as it may be obvious to you that they should have learned this lesson previously, adolescents don't respond well when they feel like you are "piling on" with past memories. It could trigger them to say something like,"You're always bringing that up. You just want to make me feel worse." On the other hand, you can calmly invite your teen to draw from past experiences.

5. Never say, "I told you so!" Enough said.

Commitment and Safety

Ten tips are always nice to get. But expert advice can feel unrealistic when the challenges are overwhelming. So, consider two critical points.

1. The best of parents become overwhelmed at times. It is not a sign of failure to seek professional help. In sharp contrast, it is a sign of strength and committed parenting.

2. When something is an immediate or serious safety issue it is your responsibility to launch into protective mode. The lesson can be learned later. The "teaching" can wait. Just as you grabbed your child's hand before they put it on the stove, rather than launching into a calm discussion on burns, you do not allow your teen to risk their life in a car or take other hazardous risks.

A Heart on the Outside of Your Body

Having a child is like having your heart on the outside of your body. You must protect your heart. Sometimes that requires drastic action. Sometimes it takes a team approach that involves building your child's own wisdom. That wisdom is sometimes earned best through lessons learned from circumstances we wish our children never experienced. Remember, preparation is protection for the future. Earned wisdom is longstanding protection.

Image by: Samantha Lee/Children's Hospital of Philadelphia

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Strategies for keeping cool during challenging times.

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Reopen Communication After Teens Shut Down

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Reopen Communication After Teens Shut Down

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Center for Parent and Teen Communication

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Reopen Communication After Teens Shut Down

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Teen giving you the silent treatment? These strategies can help get teens talking again.

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11 Tips for Communicating with Your Teen

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11 Tips for Communicating with Your Teen

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exists on thepowerful ways in which parents and families make a difference in the lives of teens. Yet, little of this knowledge has been reaching the media, policymakers, practitioners, and parents*. The Raising Teens Project aims to make the research more accessible and useful to those who work with and on behalf of parents, adolescents, and families.

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Four Things You Can Do to Support Teen Mental Health

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Four Things You Can Do to Support Teen Mental Health

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Four things you can do to support your teen’s mental health

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Show your teen love and care, while looking after yourself

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Improve Communication Between Parents and Teens

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Improve Communication Between Parents and Teens

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For teenagers, adolescence is time of immense growth and self-discovery [1]. As they navigate through new changes, emotions and relationships, this transitional period presents a unique set of challenges for parents and their teens. The growing independence that comes with adolescence can make it difficult for teens to express their needs and thoughts in a way that resonates with adults [2]. Parents, on the other hand, may feel a natural urge to maintain control to protect their children. This, however, can backfire and push their child further away from them, creating a rift in communication.

Communication between parents and their teens can often resemble a precarious tightrope walk. Finding common ground becomes a delicate act, especially when disagreements and misunderstandings arise. What started as a simple conversation could quickly escalate into heated arguments. When communication falters and normal interactions become emotionally draining for both parties, it inadvertently puts a strain on the parent-child relationship, potentially creating a sense of detachment.

Strong parent-child relationship requires healthy and positive communication [1]. So, how do parents communicate better with their teens? Here are some tips from TOUCH Parenting!

UNDERSTAND THE CONTEXT OF THE COMMUNICATION

1. Identify and clarify any issue in simple statements. Understand from your teen's perspective.
2. Discuss a goal to solve the issue. For example, achieving peace and harmony in the relationship.
3. Discuss the boundaries, rules and agreements that are helpful in achieving the goal.
4. Practice these boundaries or rules before evaluating if the youth can keep to it.
5. If they cannot keep to it, revisit steps 1 to 3 and discuss new options and solutions.

FOCUS ON THE POSTURE AND APPROACH

1. Wear the hat of a coach by being approachable while still holding firm to your expectations.
2. Engage in conversations with your teen using a positive and encouraging tone.
3. Seek to understand any issue that your teen may be facing before jumping to conclusions.
4. Be flexible to adapt your approaches when the situation calls for it.
5. Establish clear rules and boundaries and identify the negotiables and non-negotiables.
6. Clearly communicate your non-negotiables with them and explain the reasoning behind them.

CHOOSE ACTIVE LISTENING FOR RELATIONSHIP BUILDING

1. Stop and pay attention when your teen signals that they want or need to talk.
2. Paraphrase and summarise their words and emotions to check for understanding.
3. Ask appropriate questions to understand the context of the conversation and their intentions.
4. Don't assume based on what you think or know but seek to clarify if necessary.
5. Consistently use positive and encouraging tone in your conversations with them.

Communication is a two-way street! For teenagers, positive communication with their parents lays the foundation for a strong and trusting relationship throughout their teenage years and beyond. So, how do teens communicate effectively with their parents?

Understand your parents' intentions: Remember that your parents would usually have your best interests at heart. During disagreements, take a moment to consider from your parents' perspectives. Although it may not change your viewpoints, it may help you to be more empathetic towards them, which paves the way for clearer communication and a deeper understanding of each other.

Have a conversation: It's convenient to give one-word replies to questions like 'How's your day?'. The next time this question comes up, share one highlight from your day instead to start a real conversation with your parents. When you can talk about something small, it's easier to tackle the tougher topics in the future [3].

Respect goes both ways: When chatting with your parents, avoid rolling your eyes or folding your arms. These non-verbal cues can make your parents feel unheard and dismissed, shutting down the conversation before it even starts. Instead, show that you're engaged and interested by making eye contact and actively listening [4].

Choose the right time: Picking the right timing for a conversation with your parents can make all the difference. Avoid diving into deep discussions or resolving a conflict when either of you is feeling tired, upset or distracted [4]. Emotions can run high in these situations, potentially leading to misunderstandings and unnecessary arguments. Let your parents know you want to talk, but you would prefer to wait until a calmer or better time.

Effective communication is the cornerstone of a strong family! Whether you're a parent or a teen, steer clear of the "us vs them" mentality and focus on working together to build your parent-child relationship and establish healthy and positive communication at home.

TOUCH Parenting aims to strengthen parent-child relationships by providing parents with relevant parenting resources through every stage of their parenting journey. It conducts informative talks and workshops which empower parents with knowledge on preparing for and raising a new-born, navigating the digital age with their child, parent-child communication, and nurturing resilient children and youths. It is also appointed by the Ministry of Social and Family Development as the Parent Support Provider (PSP) for Primary and Secondary schools in Singapore.

Sources
1. "Effective Communication is Crucial for Your Child's Growth?" Lorna Whiston Schools, 27 Jan, https://enrichment.lornawhiston.com/blog/five-ways-for-parents-to-communicate-with-their-children
2. "Tips for having a difficult conversation with your teen" Reach out, https://parents.au.reachout.com/parenting-skills/effective-communication/tips-for-having-a-difficult-conversation-with-your-teen
3. "Effective ways to improve parent-child communication" Impact Circle, https://www.impactcircle.education/tips/part-1-effective-ways-to-improve-parent-child-communication/
4. "Tips for Teens: How to Improve Communication with Your Parent" Evolve, 13 Aug, 2022, https://evolvetreatment.com/blog/improve-communication-parents/

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Improving Communication Between Parents and Teens

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For teenagers, adolescence is time of immense growth and self-discovery [1]. As they navigate through new changes, emotions and relationships, this transitional period presents a unique set of challenges for parents and their teens. The growing independence that comes with adolescence can make it difficult for teens to express their needs and thoughts in a way that resonates with adults [2].

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Teenage years can be difficult for many families. Young people may develop ideas, values and beliefs that are different to those of their parents. This is part of the normal process of moving towards independence. Parents may struggle with how much independence they should allow their children at different ages and in different circumstances.

There is no prescription for this. Each young person is an individual and needs different advice. Communication with teenagers is different from communicating with younger children and can cause conflict and stress.

If you follow some simple tips, it may help to improve communication with your teenager. However, always seek professional advice if you are concerned about your family relationships.

Issues that can affect communication with teenagers

Adolescence is a time of rapid change, not just for the young person but for the parents too. It might be hard to let go sometimes, but parents need to recognise that:

A child's job is to grow up and become an independent adult. As a parent, you need to help young people through this process.

Decisions can now be made together. Try to discuss issues to reach an outcome that you and your teenager can both accept.

Young people may have viewpoints that are different from yours or may take up activities that you don't understand. Try to see this as good thing. They are learning to be their own person.

You will always feel responsible for your child's wellbeing and safety, no matter how old they are. When children reach their teenage years, they start to make their own decisions. Sometimes they make the wrong ones. Try to be supportive and not criticise. They will (hopefully!) learn valuable lessons from their mistakes.

During this time of constant change, both parents and young people need to take time to care for themselves.

You need to show you value your teenager and their uniqueness - show them your unconditional love.

General communication tips with teenagers

The most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open. Suggestions include:

Listen more than you speak - remember that we are all given two ears and one mouth. This is to remind us that we should spend twice as much time listening as talking. This is especially important when talking to teenagers, who may tell us more if we are silent long enough to give them the opportunity.

Make time to spend together - teenagers are often busy with school, friends and other interests, but you can have a conversation with them over breakfast and dinner. Offer to take them to or pick them up from places; this will provide other opportunities for conversations.

Give them privacy - teenagers need their own space. For example, knock before you go into their room.

Keep up with their interests - listen to their music, watch their television shows with them and turn up to their sports practise sessions. Continue to take an active interest in their life.

Be a loving parent - adolescence is a time when young people often struggle with their changing sense of identity and need to feel loved. Tell them often. Demonstrate your love using whatever physical contact they are comfortable with. Celebrate their achievements, forgive their mistakes, listen to them when they have a problem and show interest in how they plan to solve it. Support them in their problem solving. Feeling included and special is vital for every young person's sense of positive self-esteem.

Have fun - make time for leisure and laughter. Good feelings help to build good rapport.

Negative communication with teenagers

Conflict is inevitable when people with different views live together so the occasional clash with your teenager is normal and to be expected. However, ongoing conflict can undermine the relationship between a parent and a young person.

Negative communication is a common cause of chronic conflict. Examples of negative communication include nagging, harsh criticism or 'stand over' tactics such as yelling to force compliance.

It's not always easy to recognise negative communication. For example, well-meaning parents may criticise because they want their child to try harder. You are using negative communication if:

The conversation rapidly deteriorates into nagging, yelling or fighting

You feel angry, upset, rejected, blamed or unloved

The issue under dispute doesn't ever improve.

Turn negatives into positives

You can change negative communication into positive communication. Suggestions include:

Negotiate how you communicate with each other. Work out strategies to improve your communication. Brainstorm solutions together.

Select what is important to argue over. A basic guideline is that safety issues, like not getting into a car with a driver who has been drinking, are always worth fighting over. Other things, like cleaning up the messy bedroom, might be best to ignore - just keep the door shut!

Offer constructive criticism. Acknowledge and celebrate their achievements. They will know themselves when they have got it wrong and don't need to be reminded by you.

Set a good example by apologising when you're wrong.

You need to willingly give teenagers the right of more freedom when they are ready to behave responsibly. For every right they gain, there is a responsibility that goes with it. Suggestions include:

Establish reasonable house rules in consultation with your teenager. For example, decide together on an appropriate curfew for Saturday night.

Be prepared to compromise when negotiating house rules with teenagers. (Try to give ground on the least important issues.)

Stop and consider before you say 'no' to a request. Is your teenager now old enough or responsible enough for you to say 'yes' this time?

If you do say 'no', tell them why - but remember, the parental cliché 'because I said so' is just asking for a fight! Give good reasons, such as using the safety argument.

Help them to take care and responsibility for themselves. For example, talk about issues such as drink spiking or safe sex. Browse the Better Health Channel for appropriate fact sheets. Read the fact sheets together and talk about any concerns you both may have.

Listen more and talk less

Take the time to listen - you may be surprised how much teenagers will confide in you if they feel they are really being listened to. Suggestions include:

Really listen when they talk to you. For example, stop what you're doing, look them in the eye and don't interrupt.

Avoid angry or impatient body language. For example, don't roll your eyes or sigh.

Appreciate that your teenager has a different world view. Treat them as you would a friend and respect their opinions. They may have very well-thought-through opinions that are just different to yours.

Use 'I' statements rather than 'you' statements. For example, don't say: 'You're so inconsiderate, you never tell me where you're going'. Instead, say: 'If I don't know where you are, I worry about you'.

Avoid sarcasm, criticism and yelling.

Don't assume or mind read. Listen.

Young people will stop talking if you don't listen respectfully.

Professional help

There are services available to help you and your teenager to work through difficult issues. Your doctor is a good starting point for information and referral.

Where to get help

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Accept that your adolescent may have a different view of the world and respect their opinions.

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Bullying Prevention for a Safe School Year

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Bullying Prevention for a Safe School Year

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Bullying Prevention for a Safe School Year | Committee for Children

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One of the biggest concerns parents have is whether their children have the tools and skills to handle peer pressure and bullying. Read for some tips.

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Cyberbullying continues to be one of the biggest challenges youth face online, and millions of youth are affected by it.

This holds true especially on social networking sites. Estimates show that 70 percent of teens use social media several times a day. ¹ A recent survey by Ditch the Label shows that more than a third of youth reporting bullying connect those incidents back to social media. It also found that more youth report being bullied on Instagram (42 percent) than on any other platform, although Facebook (37 percent) and Snapchat (31 percent) rates are still high. ² And 44 percent of teens report digitally disconnecting from people largely due to bullying, according to a recent Pew Research Center survey. ³

What Is Cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying is the use of technology to harass, threaten, insult, or intimidate another young person-or a combination of these actions. Like in-person bullying, it is unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance, and it is often repetitive. 4,5

Cyberbullying on the Rise

Online bullying is a problem that affects thousands of youth every year. In a recent National Crime Victimization Survey, 20 percent of youth ages 12 to 18 reported being bullied. And the bullying happened online for 15 percent of those who were bullied. Youth indicate that online bullying is increasing, and that online bullying incidents are higher than in either the bathroom/locker room (12 percent) or the bus (8 percent). Would you guess that girls are three times more likely than boys to report being bullied online? ⁶

5 Ways Parents and Teachers Can Protect Adolescents

Here are research-based tips to prevent bullying digitally (and in real life).

1. Boost Knowledge and Conversations About Online Safety

Help youth understand how they can take action to be safer online. Don't be shy about monitoring them. At ParenTeen Connect you can get expert advice and hear from other tweens, teens, and parents about what screen time monitoring could look like. Try these tips for protecting kids from cyberbullying by establishing clear device use limits and communications.

2. Cultivate Belonging at Home and at School

Having a strong sense of belonging can deter students from cyberbullying. Home and school efforts that focus on positive interactions and relationships could buffer bullying, resulting in decreases in bullying behavior. ⁷ The stronger a connection the student has with family, the less likely they are to carry out acts of bullying. The greater their sense of belonging to family and peers, the more likely they are to feel a connection to school, and with school connectedness, the likelihood of engaging in bullying behaviors decreases. ⁸

3. Teach Social Skills

Social and communication skills are predictors of bullying involvement. Youth with strong social and communication skills are less likely to be involved in bullying. ⁹ You can help prevent bullying by teaching and modeling skills for listening, perspective taking, appreciating diversity, and building relationships.

4. Teach and Encourage Positive Bystander Behaviors

Bystanders have the potential to make a positive difference for those being bullied, yet they are less likely to intervene and support those being bullied in online bullying situations. ¹⁰ Let youth know how important a role they have in helping stop the bullying. Talk with them about how to be positive bystanders by teaching them the importance of recognizing, reporting, and responding to online bullying situations. Something as simple as messaging a person to stop the bullying can make a significant difference for someone.

5. Understand Blur Between Digital & Physical Bullying

"Cyberbullying and the kinds of bullying that happen in person often go hand in hand," says Committee for Children Research Scientist Jasmine D. Williams, PhD. "Bullying that happens in school can carry over to digital spaces like Instagram, and vice versa. Teens don't see a divide between physical and digital worlds, as adults do." This is important for middle school and high school educators and parents to understand in our increasingly multidevice, always-connected culture.

"Cyberbullying can feel more pervasive because it doesn't end when a child leaves school. It stays at their fingertips, in their phones and other devices."

More About Bullying Prevention Resources

Research References

1. Rideout, V. & Robb, M. B. (2018). Social media, social life: Teens reveal their experiences. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense Media. Retrieved from https://www.commonsensemedia.org/sites/default/files/uploads/research/2018_cs_socialmediasociallife_fullreport-final-release_2_lowres.pdf

2. Ditch the Label (2017). The annual bullying survey 2017. Brighton, England: Ditch the Label. Retrieved from https://www.ditchthelabel.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/The-Annual-Bullying-Survey-2017-1.pdf

3. Pew Research Center. (May 2018). Teens, social media & technology 2018. Retrieved from https://www.pewinternet.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/9/2018/05/PI_2018.05.31_TeensTech_FINAL.pdf

4. Nemours Children's Health System. (n.d.). Cyberbullying. Retrieved from https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/cyberbullying.html

5. stopbullying.gov. (n.d.). What is bullying. Retrieved from https://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/index.html

6. Institute of Education Sciences, National Center for Education Statistics Reports (2019). Student reports of bullying: Reports from the 2017 school crime supplement to the national crime victimization survey. Retrieved from https://nces.ed.gov/pubsearch/pubsinfo.asp?pubid=2019054

7. Slaten, C. D., Rose, C. A., & Ferguson, J. K. (2019). Understanding the relationship between youths belonging and bullying behavior: An SEM Model. Educational & Child Psychology, 36(2), 50-63.

8. Yeager, D. S. (2017). Social and emotional learning programs for adolescents. The Future of Children, 27(1), 73-94.

9. Cook, C. R., Williams, K. R., Guerra, N. G., Kim, Tia. E., & Sadek, S. (2010). Predictors of bullying and victimization in childhood and adolescence: A meta-analytic investigation, School Psychology Quarterly 25(2), 65-83. Retrieved from http://doi.org/10.1037/a0020149

10. Brody, N. & Vangelisti, A. L. (2015). Bystander intervention in cyberbullying. Communication Monographs 83 (1), 94-119. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1080/03637751.2015.1044256

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5 Ways to Protect Tweens and Teens from Cyberbullying

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Cyberbullying continues to be one of the biggest challenges youth face online, and millions of youth are affected by it. This holds true especially on social networking sites. Estimates show that 70 percent of teens use social media several times a day.

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Center for Parent and Teen Communication

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Center for Parent and Teen Communication

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Center for Parent and Teen Communication

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The Center for Parent and Teen Communication is your guide through the journey of adolescence.