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Melissa is a daughter, a mother, a sister, a dear friend to all, and the strongest woman I know. To me, she is my mother by relationship. This is what is written on every government form, or school identification. However, she is so much more than that. She is kind, compassionate, willing, and the glue that holds me together. I could write novels on my mom, and how she has imbedded so much empathy into my heart. But, I feel it is only fair to dive deeper into who she is, and where her roots extend to.

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Who is Melissa & What Molded Her into What She Is Today?  

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Who is Melissa & What Molded Her into What She Is Today?  

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Melissa grew up familiar with trials and tribulations. Her family life was nothing short of chaotic and trying. Her parents divorced at an early age which left Marsha, my grandmother, never fully shutting the door on her marriage. The instability and lack of consistency amongst her parent's relationship not only impacted her and her three brothers Micheal, Morgan, and Mark. They stuck together, and will always remember how they faced these challenges together. "Hold hands and stick together" was a Strub motto. Strub was Melissa's maiden name. My mother always mentions that without the bond of all of them together, they could not have grown into the successful people they are today. "They saved me and then you girls saved me." Melissa's brother Morgan sadly passed away due to cancer in his mid 30s. This led to setbacks and depression from all members of this family. I remember it vivdly growing up. My father, Melissa's husband Nicholas, would play with us or wake up with is when my mom couldn't. I would sneak into her room, dark and cold energy filled the what felt like empty space. I remember seeing my mother's silhouette imbedded in the sheets. "Even when Morgan died, it was only us kids together. My parents were unattainable that week. My mother had been banned, and my father had left to return home. He could not bear the sight of watching him die."

My mother had two close family friend relationships which opened up her eyes to the difference in upbringings and family dynamics all around her. One of these friendships highlights the growth she has accomplished in her adult life. This friend, Rikki, was present for my younger sister's birth, my mother's pregnancies with my older sister and I, and all of my mom's childhood. I feel she is the one person who knows my moms true entity. After being kicked out of her childhood home at age eighteen, Melissa found refuge within Rikki's home. Her family became Melissa's family. "My home was very broken and disconnected. My mom was angry and sad to the extreme. Bi polar disorder, and my father working all the time to initially provide made my life unpredictable and exhausting." Soon after, Melissa was able to land on her feet. She worked different jobs, excelling at all of them. Her work ethic, and can do attitude became very complimented throughout each working environment.

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During the midst of raising three girls, graduating college, and starting to retain a career again after taking time off to focus on her family, Melissa hiked The Grand Canyon. Twice! Once in 2014, and twice in 2015. Not to mention, she also hiked Havasupi in 2013. Each time endurance, strength, and the ability to push through life's hardships were takeaways.

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Graduation Day - University of Phoenix - 2016

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Growing up, I always thought my mother was the strongest, and most beautiful woman in the world. I remember the way I would gaze at her, hopeful that I would be like that someday.

Even though this is the aura that surrounded her, it became apparent to me through conversation, that this was not always the case. "I was not a confident student. I struggled with understanding and learning." Trials and tribulations with home life became a pattern in school as well. Melissa had a hard time preforming well, and having confidence that she could. Eighth grade was the first accomplishment and milestone for her. It helped her understand that she had a role in her future, and that she could accomplish what she sets out to do.

After being kicked out of her house after high school. Melissa hustled into the corporate world. She had a knack for organizing, and being the perfect right hand man. Years later, after marriage and three beautiful daughters, and decided she could do it. So, at age forty five, my mother did. In between raising three young and impressionable daughters, looking after her husband Nicholas, and being a woman herself, Melissa went back to college. She earned her degree after countless hours of hard work and determination. She shared ideas and input amongst many different classmates, and won the heart of her teachers. Much admiration followed for what she had accomplished. To me, a degree and a fancy graduation cap did not suffice for how much she had done. These two phrases, Never give up & Finish strong became mottos in our family. So every time tears became apparent during homework, or the words "I want to quit" uttered from my mouth, Melissa was always the first to say this.

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Frederick Family - Brooke, Nicholas, Melissa, Lauren, & Kate 

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Her hopes and goals were to change the trajectory of her family and for her children. She states, "My greatest treasure was marrying your father and having our family. My three perfect girls. I wanted to be the parent I never had and the mother that I never had." She wanted her girls to be safe and loved and never feel alone or hopeless as she did growing up. She devoted all her years to loving our family as well as she could. She did everything she could with what she had access to at the time and tried to learn and grow from what she learned by becoming wiser.

My mother recently has repeated that she would not wan to date in this day and age as it is very perplexing. "When I was younger, we had the landline, and the man calling would have to ask permission to talk to me." She thinks this is one norm specially that has shaped aging today. Because after all, who you date is essentially the one person you marry. So, building these key communication skills, and relationships now changes everything.

When asked about her values, and how they have changed over the years, Melissa responded back with, "Just keep learning and growing. As we know better we do better. I want to always learn and grow and be my best. The new lessons I learn make me a better person for my self and the people I love. My family is the most important to me over career successes, accolades or money. I value connection and relationships. It may be because I didn’t have that growing up." I am so proud to say that this is my mother, and my biggest accomplice.

I asked her if there was a specific song that could illustrate what this means for her, and she told me that the Nichole Nordeman Legacy song suited this best. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ah1COE39ARs