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Hey, Luca!  A very good strength in your writing is that you were able to write such a magnificent writing piece on Crocs. It baffles me. Anyways one strength in your writing piece is that you said you looked like a hobo hahahahahaha. I also love crocs. I wear them on a daily basis. They are one of my fav shoes, you can wear them anywhere and anytime. One recommendation that i have for you mister Rousseau, is that you should’ve asked what the guy said when he said “ good luck earring your freedom” but overall good story.

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Hey Luca! Your narrative had many good things but one that stood out was the way you made your story flow. It moved at the right speed and was very pleasing to read. Very well crafted in the sense of the flow. Another thing that you did well in this piece is your sensory details. In every part of the story I can imagine the scene. I could even picture the crocs in my head. This piece is just so good that instead another star is putting yourself into the character. I have known you for about a year now and I know if you found crocs like that for 30 bucks you would get them. Even just the actions the character does reflects you.

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Hi, Luca! A strength of your essay “physical education and school sports should remain” was your hook. Your hook in your first paragraph was very descriptive and it really gave me a picture of the scene in my head. It also gave me strong feelings about the topic. I also love your fourth paragraph. It has a great Idea behind it. The idea of kids with pe in their life are more likely to not take drugs or smoke. This is a strong Idea and it really gives me a strong, persuasive feeling. Although I think you could elaborate on your essay. I feel like I could have had a better explanation in your warrants. But overall the essay was great!

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Joel ( your best friend) ( **mid crocs**)

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Joel ( your best friend) ( **mid crocs**)

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Hey, Luca! A strength of your essay, “Physical Education and School Sports Should Remain” in the way you say that people that way more than others feel bad. I think that this would push the people that weigh more to workout so they can be like there other big and strong peers. When you also said “students agreed they would not spend as much time in sitting activities like watching TV and playing VIdeo games if they had options after school, one of those options could be sighting up for a sports team or something active to get you outside.I wish that you could’ve switched more healthier kids do better in school because unhealthy student could also do better in school. Overall good essay. ( you still have MID crocs but it don’t matter)

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Waz up. This is really good, you use a lot of big fancy words. This makes it sound more safistic, I think that is how you spell it. Bigger words are for fancy and good people and you are both. I had to look up half the words. Another thing you did well is, explaining things really well. You got your point across clearly and goodly. This makes it easy to understand what you’re talking about. Though something that you could add is a descriptive scene to show how this relates to real life. This would make it more relatable and better.

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Good job Luca, great discussions on how you were going to quote “become a better caption”. I hope you did and practice soccer more, maybe you’ll be the team that has their parents roar for them to. I also really like the details you put into the descriptive language, quote “my dry cracking lips couldn’t speak the words they wanted”. But i don't think some people will understand the reference of quote “anger surrounded my like a ball of chakra” i don't believe that most people will understand the naruto reference (Highly recommended to watch naruto).

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One positive thing that you added to your piece details. It helped me understand what was really going on at that time. One example from the piece is, My joints ached, my breath was deep and my head was overwhelmed with words which my dry cracking lips couldn’t speak. My fist curled as my thoughts swam inside an ocean of anger. Another good thing you added to your piece is inner thoughts. It really helped me understand more about what was flowing throughout your head. An example is, We had been robbed by the reff and the Linesmen all game. They were blind men walking! However I felt like you could have stretched out the piece top make it a little more lengthy.

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I liked the exaggeration here in this sentence,”the referee ran towards the field after sprinting off for a year to discuss the tie breaker with his higher ups. In addition, I liked how you had little to no dialogue and good punctuation and good capitalization.

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A strength of your memoir was your powerful ending and how you moved on and would never let that happen again. I also liked how you really used your feelings well in the memoir. Although you did go back and forth between past tense and present tense.

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I am astonished! I really like how you described your team losing the game in a very devastated way and how questioned if it was your fault if your team lost the game, also how you’d been robbed from your ref and the blind man walking thats unfortunate. I also really like how you described that your teammates had tears that could fill up a damn. I wish that you could’ve described how your coach was after the loss

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Wow, just wow. This piece was amazing in more ways than I can count. But one thing I think you did really well was that you made it really easy to see the story. I really felt like I was in the moment. I could feel all the emotions that you were feeling. Everything, and I mean everything that you were going through I could feel and see it. Another thing I enjoyed was how you had your thoughts every once in a while to break up the jungle of descriptive words and phrases. It is good that you break up your writing with thoughts so the read doesn’t get lost in your words. Overall your piece is a  masterpiece. Something I wished you did a bit better was there are some mistakes here and there. For example I don’t know if this is just for me but in the second paragraph there are some big gaps. Also in the second paragraph there is a part that should be Italicized but it isn’t.

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One strength you had was the details, the details really brought the piece together, making things like setting up the goals important. Another strength was the word choice, such as pondering, and audacity.  One thing i think you should change is how when you said “My knuckles curled and pale as a ghost and my face was red” i think some of your piece was missing commas and there were a lot of “ands”

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Avery ( the one that sits next to you, not the tall one )

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Avery ( the one that sits next to you, not the tall one )

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One star that I saw throughout your memoir was a lot of tiny details/ actions. These could be about the setting, other people around you, or yourself. One example was “ his hair flew back in the wind and turf picked up as he ran” . ( There was more, just couldn’t be bothered to type it all but anywayy). Another star that I saw in your writing was a lot of inner thoughts. One that I really liked was “We had been robbed by the ref and the linesmen all game! They were blind men walking”. One wish I have for your writing is maybe fixing some of the spelling and grammar mistakes. Otherwise I really like your writing!

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Oh Luca this is such A beautiful piece of writing.

A streak In your writing your positivity is infectious. While I’m reading you’re about me I couldn’t stop knowing that you appreciate everything that you do. I love how you use context when writing. For example “If I’m not in school I’m on the grass flying down the field of football’

It shows you’re descriptive with your writing and I adore that. In addition to the part “I love to visit my huge family in Toulon, France where my dad was born” I absolutely loved how you mentioned how your dad was born in France. It brings the story to life how you mentioned your family. In the text “Hello, Perfect Peers! Welcome to my virtual library of lines filled with letters to the lid.” I think it was perfect how you welcomed the readers to your website. However, a suggestion. I can see your dog is in the picture part of your website, but you never mentioned him in the story. Other than that I love your writing piece and I hope you make great stories in 6th grade and all of school.

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I am speechless, so much detail. There is more detail than I can count. All of your word choices are amazing, fabulous, out of this world, I can keep going. I never knew you were this good at writing. I don’t think there is a single sentence that doesn’t have amazing detail. You must teach me your ways. I like what you said about multitasking because it is so relatable. With stories about yourself you have to write about something shocking or relatable. You my friend got the relatable part. That is a good thing. Something I wish was in your piece was some of your dislikes and stuff. You didn’t add a single dislike of something that you hate. You only included the good parts about your life and not your trouble or dislike. Everyone has two sides and I wanted to see both, not just one

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I love how he explained what he did in his spare time and what he loves to do.He added great detail and beautiful words.  Overall his was great.  I wish he said what his favorite team was and his favorite thing to do at Paris.

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I love how he explained what he did in his spare time and what he loves to do.He added great detail and beautiful words.  Overall his was great.  I wish he said what his favorite team was and his favorite thing to do at Paris.

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One of the things i thought you did really well was your descriptive language “hello perfect peers” I thought that you did a good job with that. also when you discribe how in france “there are No big waves and the crapes are amazing” Well done. One thing i wish you added was some of your dislikes i did not see a lot of those anyway good luck with your future pieces.

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One thing I think you did very well in your writing is tell me so much about your family in France. I feel like now that I know were from I might be able to get to know you better.Another amazing thing you did in your writing is did a great job adding what you do in your off time. I know many of us have tons of off time and it make up who we are.   One thing I think you could have done a little better in your writing is tell me more about the writing you do so I can know who you are as a writer before I start reading.

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I liked the details of where you like to go in France, such as “there are absolutely no big waves and the crepes there are amazing!” I also like how you added images underneath your piece. One thing that wasn’t perfect was that I didn't get to hear what you didn't like. :( :)