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Task 2: As I approached the gates, whispers enveloped my ears sending shivers down my spine. The wind became violent, brushing across my face. My hair gripped around me, concealing my eyes when I saw a figure with the slightest amount of visibility i had left due to my eyesight being restricted.

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Maundering towards the large door, there was a chill in the air as I entered the Impressive building. Emanating from somewhere deep In the house was an unmistakably pungent, yet unrecognisable smell. I hesitated. Then  greedily gulped in the crisp air. As I walked down the long hallway, I couldn’t help my attraction to the many rooms and the creaky pine floors preserved under old carpet. There was something about the abandoned home,  a pull that brought you to the formidable gates of Wimborne Manor, while most reasonable people who had at least a drop of concern for their well-being would’ve sprinted the moment they felt this supernatural attraction or heard the arcane whispers of the trees. However, there was some reckless fools, like myself, who entered the cursed property and were never heard of again.Dark shadows lurked in the chilly air, a tingling, I could feel something watching me… shaking my head , I tried to tame the paranoia beginning to consume my mind.

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''Where is this place?'' ''Hello, anyone there,'' The words softly murmuring out my mouth. My thoughts pondering where I could be or what I was doing here. Every step I took I felt a frostbites of coldness through my body or was it my head thinking I was getting colder. My instincts told me to approach the coldness so I did...

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WWW: Great use of emotive language and dramatic effect.
EBI: Use more vocab

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EBI add personification for a greater effect

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EBI add personification for a greater effect

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My gothic story

Once upon a midnight dreary.A shrill cry echoed through the wind as I wander deeper into the ghostly mist trying to find a way out of this terrible mistake.As I reached a stone cold wall in the distance an icy finger gripped my arm in the darkness, I shrugged but also fell to the ground but when I  stood up my eyes caught the attention of a crooked,tall,old house standing  right in front of me it’s like it just spawned out of the knower petrified but altering I decided to search the back to see what secrets I could find.while trying to ignore the distressing whispers for help in my ear I freeze to see a dull yellow light shining above me. I slowly twist my body to see what it could possibly be and shocked to see it leaking out the crack window from the abandoned house.at this point I don’t  even realising my heart begging to escape my ribs and my breath struggling  to warn me to turn back then the front door creaks open...

Sarah.

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www: good use of description.
ebi: use more dramatic punctuation.

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WWW: Good use of personification throughout the paragraph and emotive language.
EBI: The paragraph needs dramatic punctuation .

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www: good use of sensory description.
ebi: use more punctuation

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www:good use of imagery and sensory description 

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www:good use of imagery and sensory description 

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www:  good use of dramatic effect and emotive language  and metaphors
EBI: make sure to use more vocab and dramatic punctuation.

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WWW: Good use of Personification and sensory description.
EBI: Use a wider variety of punctuation. Use higher vocabulary.

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WWW: Good use of Personification and sensory description.
EBI: Use a wider variety of punctuation. Use higher vocabulary.

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WWW: good use of dramatic punctuation and good spelling plus good use of metaphors and sensory description
EBI: fix the grammar up and add higher vocabulary.

Task 2:Wandering through the derelict garden, it felt like something was watching

me, it felt like it kept a close eye on me, watching my every move, waiting for me to go inside, and so with my foolish acts i went inside the house, my stomach curled as i entered, the landscape was distorted almost like a kid made this place, but even so it was still enough to give me the creeps, as i went in and explored more, it just seemed that the place was nothing more than a rubble, but then steps appeared from behind, the thing that was watching me was sounding like it was coming closer and closer until i turned around and seen its demonic face with eyes peering inside of my soul, its skin ripped to shreds and only its flesh is seen to the eye, it stood in front of me towering over me, then it lowered and...

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www: good use of adjectives and sensory description.
ebi: use personfication

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www: Good use of sensory description and high vocab
EBI: Uses more dramatic punctuation

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Joshua Middleton sat crouched in an alley. It was midnight. Where is keri?, Josh questioned himself. Keri, josh’s newest case, was a ghost girl. She was supposed to meet Josh in the alley at midnight. Together they only had one minute to make it to the middle grounds, protected by the only time of night that death took a breather. So where was Keri? Josh checked his watch. She should be here! Suddenly, josh heard a noise, it was Keri floating above the roof. Josh didn’t have time to talk so he blurted out “let’s go!” The story of my life…

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Good use of adjectives and description
of the setting
ebi use more dramatic punctuation

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ebi:add dramtic punctation

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WWW: good use of foreshadowing and sensory description
EBI: use higher vocabulary

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WWW: Good use of sensory description and metaphorical language.

EBI: Use more higher vocabulary and dramatic punctuation.

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www- excellent gothic writing, good description of the setting.
ebi-  you could have used better adjectives.
redraft:

Claws grew out of his fingers, hair bristled from his spine, his teeth grew yellow and thick. His nose blackened and his eyes reddened. He let out a shrill cry. He ran away. The pain was too much for him, his clothes ripped after every step, he grew larger, hairier, more fearsome, he growled. He ran into the deep dark forest. He tripped and fell, he watched his unholy reflection upon the water he shrieked in despair and ran towards the village in thirst for blood.

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ebi- used personification

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Task 1:

WWW: You have used sensory description which was executed well and good use of emotive language.

EBI: Make sure to use higher vocabulary to improve.

Task 2

Wandering through a derelict garden, it felt like something was watching me. Eyes on the tree bark looking at my impure, wicked soul wondering what I am doing in this pitch-black forest... My sweat poured like waterfalls and tears also drops to the floor. My legs started to shiver; I crouched down and trembled in fear hearing voices in my head: LOSER, FAILURE, IDIOT, FOOL: all those words floating all over my head making me feel faint and inferior to everyone. I then screamed my blood-curling voice and ran and ran and ran... Flesh craving demons started to chase me with their mouth open with their saliva drooling! (DEMONIC SCREAMS) As I tried to escape from the forest,  there was a mysterious person wearing a black cloak? The person saved my life and the demons got exterminated. THANK GOD!!! The woman then held my hand. It was like the sun smiling at me and it felt warm... The cloaked person then told me, 'Come with me and I will give you shelter, food and my love...'
This moment changed my life forever...

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www-you described very clearly
ebi- use similes and personification

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cec

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1. If you've submitted this paragraph (Title- 01 Gothic Intro), it is marked so I want you to check my marking and respond to the EBI. Redraft it now, hen post it here on Padlet and THEN submit it on GC on a google doc so I can mark it.

2. If you haven't submitted the work for this lesson, then you do not have an EBI to complete because you didn't allow me to mark your work. SO YOUR  TASK IS: Rewrite this entire paragraph that you just marked,  then post it here on Padlet and THEN submit it on GC on a google doc so I can mark it.

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Reminder of what the task was for the paragraph

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Reminder of what the task was for the paragraph

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This was for the FIRST lesson on Gothic writing: Title- 01 Gothic Intro
Write the opening ( 200 words- split them into paragraphs) to a Gothic story about a mysterious incident that has taken place in the house from the picture.

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(Descriptive techniques) (A05)

qMetaphor

qSimile

qSensory description

qHigher vocabulary- adjectives. Verbs, adverbs

qEmotive language

(A06)

qDramatic punctuation

- Ellipses, exclamation, question mark, dash

qSpelling

qPunctuation

qgrammar

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1st TASK: Mark this descriptive paragraph using the success criteria

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1st TASK: Mark this descriptive paragraph using the success criteria

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write a detailed WWW and EBI