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I am 30-year-old guy and I am really lonely.

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I am 30-year-old guy and I am really lonely.

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I was born in Iran and was raised in a conservative family and society. I went to the university there and graduated with a master's degree in English language studies. I am now at university in Germany, but I am not able to make friends with girls. I have no proper job, no future and not even a friend. I tried online dating sites; they don't work. What is wrong with me? I even think of ending my life. I do not have any future going back to a country which does not accept me when I do not believe in Islam.

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Well, how can I help you? I was reading your letter and I consider you shouldn´t worry about that, according with that, you are a romantic person and that is splendid, not is a bad thing, a romantic person could be better and has better feelings than others, also could has better opportunities to find wonderful people. If you may consider that your action and your decisions are good in this moment, is perfect for you because if you take a correct decision in your relationships you´ll have a steady home and wonderful family on future, but if you want to achieve this you must take a good decisions, to every single moment. Would you like to have a great family?

According with your letter, almost all your parents have betrayed their wives, but this is no reason so that you think you will be like them, nobody people think in the same way, you need to think that you aren´t like each one of them, you should dare to broke this past. Will you be able to do the difference? Other advice that I want to say you is you must find good friend with good feelings and with good ethics values that each one of them respect their wives and above all, respect women in general.

Other important aspect, is that a woman feels confidence on you is because she thinks that you´re a good person, a good man, some qualities that not everyone have and when you least think you will have an excellent girl with you as a girlfriend, doesn´t matter where you are, if you feel that you have good feelings you´ll always be like this. You won´t change the way you are.

Please remember these words.

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Before all, your situation is completely normal for a guy of your age. In this period, it is the top of our sexual awakening and desire for sex, hormones are in boiling and many of the characteristics of our personality are being defined for the rest of the life. Also is the time when you start to find much more interesting the opposite sex, even just for your social circle. Even if your feelings are not sexual, one thing leads to another at the end of this line.

Just  take care, even if she accepts to be your friend, which is not sure, close relationships between teachers and students are not allowed in our society, because they generate a feeling of dependence, feeling of  curricular or student preference, and of course, the most important, for avoiding a crime in most of the countries around the world, sexual abuse in younger ages. Definitely, a teacher so close to one specific student, is punnishable or the less, badly seen in most of the countries in the world, where applicable laws are in force.

At this point I don’t recommend you to tell her your feelings, because the most likely is that she don’t take you seriously and you would feel ashamed for the rest of your School life, even more, teachers are aware of this. Talk with your mother or father (they have more experience than you and might have passed through this) in order they will give you some advice and you will have the things more clear, feeling less anxiety.

But don't worry and don’t take the life so fast, allow yourself to growth and for sure you will find many opportunities when you be full age, which is not so far. Each day brings its own desire. Look what you currently can do: enjoy your life, partners, friends, leisure time and less obligations than the ones later you will have. This is a long way to go.

All the best,
Michael

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Hello Dear

I read your letter and it seems like this problem is getting out of your hands. I could see that your daughter grew without a paternal model, for you this is completely normal but a child needs his father, especially in his adolescence. I shall give some recommendations by having into account the situation you addressed in the letter. I would not give any advice if I did not know that you would not consider it. I know you appreciate my help.

First of all, I think that your daughter might have some kind of emotional emptiness and that is why she tries to get close to this man; she is looking for the love and affection that her father did not give her. Another reason why she might be seeing him is that he gives her economic stability, it is scientifically proven that women feel secure with a man that is financially stable. From this situation, it is not wrong to say why your daughter loves this man; he gives her anything she wants.

You may think this is impossible to solve, but if I were you, I would handle the situation with peace by trying to make my daughter see why this man is not good for her. Maybe you could go out with her, let her know that you love her and when she talks about her boyfriend, you should address the topic and show her the disadvantages of dating an older man. Perhaps this could allow her to see that his boyfriend will never have the same interests as her. Finally, you should tell her that she must not waste her youth with a man that could be his father.

I hope that my points of view and advice can help solve this situation. I hope you reply as soon as possible and may these recommendations be helpful for you.

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I was reading about your current situation and first of all you must search the psychological support. Sometimes, the orientation of a professional person in this fact is necessary and it could help you a lot with. I know, you are really interested in languages special English. I know some English clubs wherein you can attend for practicing and sharing with other people. There, you might meet some people who could become in your friends because of everyone has similar passions and ideas. Moreover, you should teach English giving private classes, hence, you would meet people and you could make friendships. Also, you should find activities in which you feel interested in and join into the university teams such as: baseball, volleyball, soccer, and so forth.

Instead of trying online dating sites, you should go to a bar, wherein each Thursday a lot of single people attend for meeting others, maybe there you could find a girl interested in you, keeping mind at this time the religion can’t affect your decision if you want to meet someone, you should change this though. You mustn’t get blue, you should think in all your success, it will be cheering you up, when you get sad. Remember, everything you’ve already done at this time and what was the inspiration for doing it. Your future plans may help you for focusing and disappear sadness, you shouldn’t have changed your decision of studied English, it is your passion and you feel motivated with this. You ought to talk with your family about your personal beliefs, they will understand you even you are their son and a religion can’t affect your relationship. recall your life is not going to end, every day is a new opportunity to change. Now you have to decide about your life with the previously advises. Now you get a new friend, I will be able to keep in touch every week and cheer you up when you get blue.

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I read his letter and I find that he lives a very particular situation, but at the same time I would think that we all have such moments and we could all come to feel that we do not have true friends. however, your situation has become more complex because of the denial of technology. Many people could talk again with friends they had not seen for many years and this thanks to cell phones, new applications and of course social networks.

I would recommend you make more use of technology, change your mind and see it as the best means of communication you
have to be closer to those people, with whom you would like to share more. In social networks for example you would find many ways to talk, see or even hear people who may be far away and for you it would be rewarding to see them again and know something about them.
I think you have to adapt to the situation, you also need to communicate with people, integrate socially, you must build a feeling of friendship no matter the distance or the few moments you can share.

I hope I can change, adapt I know that you could find new friends or recover old friendships, you just have to change a bit.

Good luck, until next time ...