# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Social media is now deeply woven into our society's fabric, and has become one of the primary ways we talk to each other and create our own identities. It's no wonder that our grief and public mourning have become interwoven here, too.

I coordinate Threads of Life's social media presence - on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and now ... Instagram, too. I pay attention to how people talk about death, dying, grief and mourning - in relation to tragedies that are work-related, and those that aren't. To how we talk about sudden, traumatic fatalities and deaths that follow prolonged illness and deteriorating health.

I use social media both personally and professionally. I'm also a sister who's been grieving her dead brother since before Mark Zuckerberg first walked the halls of Harvard. I do sometimes share reflections, photos, or recount stories about my brother with friends and family on social media. The truth is that most of the people in my life today never met my brother - or, at least, didn't know him well. Those who don't know me well don't necessarily see the crater left in my life by his death. Stories shared are the only way they'll ever know him for the person that he was. He was and is so much more than the way he died.

In writing this post, I feel tangled in all of the intricacies of how we all use social media differently, and how this virtual extension of our real lives both soothes and abrades a grieving heart.

Someone once confided in me that she thought a mom talked about her dead son too often on Facebook. I was flustered in the moment and wanted to try to explain, but I just couldn't find the words. So I'm trying now.
1. We're sharing our shattered hearts, and there is nothing more vulnerable.
Social media is only a means to share thoughts, feelings, and experiences with the network of your choice (friends or the general public). If you're thinking someone should keep their grief off of Facebook, what you're really judging is whether someone should share their grief openly. Grieving is nothing to be ashamed of-it's the normal response to loss. This pain has to go somewhere and attempting to bury it only causes more intense and prolonged suffering. While it seems to be universally understood that a serious work-related injury, illness, or death is - in fact - a tragedy, we live in a culture that is deeply judgmental of how we grieve. Shakespeare said "every one can master a grief but he that has it." Remember that you aren't an expert on how anyone else should grieve.
2. We post to share with and about the important people in our lives.
Death does not end a relationship, but it does change its form. They're still our people and we still want to share them with you. This is one of the ways we do this.
3. We want and need your witness.
There are times when we just need to feel seen in our grief. To be heard when we have something to say. To know that the gaping hole in our lives is recognized - and felt - by others. When life clicks back to business-as-usual for the rest of the world, it's a lonely place to stand in the wreckage of the life you once knew and loved.

What do you wish your friends, family, or the public at large understood about the online reflection of your grief?

I'd really love to hear your thoughts. Share them with me on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, or Instagram!

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Reflections of loss: Why we share our grief on social media

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
I coordinate Threads of Life's social media presence - on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and now ... Instagram, too. I pay attention to how people talk about death, dying, grief and mourning - in relation to tragedies that are work-related, and those that aren't.

# data[].attributes.body
“I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.”

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
If you had #onemoreminute, what would you say? Please donate £3 a month to help Child Bereavement UK rebuild the lives of bereaved families: www.onemoreminute.org Thank you to all the families who took part, HRH The Duke of Cambridge and these celebrities for supporting this campaign: Mary Berry, Rio Ferdinand, Ben and Marina Fogle, Joey Essex, Jason Watkins Join the conversation.

# data[].attributes.body
About 3 months ago I lost one of the most loved people in my family. My Grandmother. She died from age and a disorder she had that would give her more weakness than a normal person and shakiness. She died at around 80 years old and it was one of the hardest experiences I've ever had.  I honestly began to lose hope with myself after losing her. I was never really super close to her I still felt the insane amount of pain of losing her.  During her funeral I didn't want to let any tears out because I am not a person that really cries but once I've seen her coffin I began to cry my eyeballs out. That day was one of the only days I've truly cried and felt pain. And at the end I looked back at the positive side of things and realized that it brought my family together.

# data[].attributes.body
Grief will be relevant for as long as we live because every single person will experience it. Grief is insanely important because since every single person will have it at least once it will be very important for our for our humanity. From what I mean by humanity I mean that grief shows that you care and that you a part human with the emotions you release. Grief is very important because of the emotions that you release help your body show that you really cared and loved that loved one that passed. You will experience sooner or later so you can try to prepare for it but it will always hit you like a truck whether you like it or not so be ready.

# data[].attributes.body
Grief is one of the hardest things that us human beings have to live with on a day to day basis. To give you an idea of Grief if you don't have a good idea of it; Grief is the suffering one experiences after losing a loved one.  People all have different reactions on how they are when it comes to loss and we will be discussing it in this project.  Everyone will experience Grief at least once in their life.  Grief is inevitable you cannot escape or prevent it.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
One reason that we often find grief such a difficult challenge is that we have never learned what to expect. The following facts will help you understand some crucial truths about grief and grieving and how we can work through the process to find healing.

Grief is not a disease. It is the normal, human response to a significant loss. People may encourage you to "be strong" or "not to cry". But how sad it would be if someone we cared about died and we didn't cry or we carried on as if nothing had happened. I'd like to think that someone will miss me enough to shed a tear after I'm gone. Wouldn't you? When you lose someone special from your life you are going to grieve. Our grief is saying that we miss the person and that we're struggling to adjust to a life without that special relationship. Admittedly, saying that grief is NORMAL does not minimize it's DIFFICULTY. It may be one of the most challenging experiences of your life. But you are not crazy, or weak, or "not handling things". You are experiencing grief and after a significant loss that is a normal response.

2. The worst kind of grief is YOURS

A loss is a very personal matter. Your loss seems like the worst possible thing that could have happened to you. Sometimes people ask if it is more difficult to lose a spouse than to lose a child. Others question if it is worse to lose someone after a long lingering illness or if they die suddenly and unexpectedly from a heart attack or in an accident. While these circumstances make each loss different, they are not important to you right now. The worst kind of loss is yours. When you lose a significant person from your life, whatever the relationship, it hurts and nothing takes away from your right to feel the loss and grief the absence of that person from your life.

3. The way out of grief is through it.

Grief is painful. Loss is one of the most difficult human experiences. There is no easy way around it. We may try to avoid the pain. We may attempt to get over it as quickly as possible. But most often it simply does not work that way. Helen Keller said "The only

way to get to the other side is to go through the door". We need to find the courage to go through this experience of grief. Learning this is a major key to recovery.

4. Your grief is intimately connected to the relationship

Every relationship holds a special and unique significance to us. To fully interpret our grief response we need to understand what the relationship brought to my life and therefore what has been lost from my life. We may grieve the loss of a parent differently from the loss of a friend. Each made a different contribution to our lives. What we have lost is not the same and so we grieve differently. Two individuals, both experiencing the loss of a spouse, may grieve quite differently because of the differing circumstances (the duration, level of happiness etc) of the relationship.

A grief response is often referred to as "Grief-work". It requires more energy to work through than most people expect. It takes a toll on us physically and emotionally. This is why we often feel so fatigued after a loss or why we may feel very apathetic towards people and events. The problem is often compounded by people's expectations of us to be strong or pull ourselves together or to get on with life.
6. Your grief will take longer than most people think

How long will grief last? It is finished when it is finished. The first few months may be particularly intense. The first year is difficult: especially the first Christmas or Hanukkah, the first birthday, anniversary, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, "a year ago today day" and many other times that remind us of our loss. All are difficult days and we need to anticipate them, know they are normal and be compassionate with ourselves. Some writers describe the second year of grief as the lonely year when the realization of the life without the deceased becomes even more of a reality. Take your time. As John Donne says "He who has no time to mourn, has no time to mend." Grief always takes longer than people expect.

7. Grief is unpredictable

You may experience a wide variety of feelings and reactions, not just those generally associated with grief, like sadness, crying, depression etc. Some of your responses may seem quite uncharacteristic. "This isn't like me", you may think. Grief is unpredictable. We cannot present it in a neat predictable package. Just when you think you have it figured out something comes along to surprise us. In an unexpected moment, suddenly, without warning you find yourself missing the person again. In fact the one predictable thing about grief is that it is unpredictable.

8. There may be "Secondary losses" to deal with.

The death of any individual, difficult as that may be by itself, may also precipitate many other changes in your life. For some it may mean the loss of financial security, a home, or even their independence. For some it may mean the loss of a role: eg the role of being a parent to a child who dies. For others it may be the loss of our hopes and dreams of "living happily ever after" or enjoying retirement together, or having dad walk me down the aisle. There may be many losses - environment, status, alteration of relationships - because of the death. Each one has it's own impact and each loss needs to be mourned.

We have said that grief is not a disease. If you have a sore throat, it is painful for a few days, then the pain eases off and gradually disappears. Grief does not work that way, however. Our healing process is different from a sickness model. Sometimes, at first, we do not feel the pain of grief because we are in shock and numb. Often the pain is more intense some months after the event. Even then grief is not unlike a roller coaster. One day we feel pretty good,

the next we find ourselves in the depths of despair. Just when we think we are getting over it we may experience another devastating setback. This can be discouraging to those who do not know what is happening. Most have not learned that grief comes and goes and takes much longer than most people expect. We need to realize that this is the way grief works itself out and trust that the process, difficult as it is, is helping us work towards reconciliation.

10. Effective grief work is not done alone

Society has unrealistic expectations about mourning and often responds inappropriately. Most people do not understand what is normal in grief, expecting us to get over it quickly and expressing these expectations in a way that seems less than sensitive. Many people mistakenly believe that grief is so personal we want to keep it to ourselves. People mean well, but they are not being helpful. Sometimes when people are using cliches or expressing unrealistic expectations we feel like shutting ourselves away. Often they feel uncomfortable with our grief and so, shortly after the funeral is over, the person or the loss is not mentioned. There sometimes seems to be a conspiracy of silence. People are afraid to say or do the wrong thing so they say and do nothing which is possibly the worst thing. Grieving people need to talk. Not everyone will be willing or even able to respond to you. In fairness, not everyone can. Accept that and try to find a support group or a counsellor who can help. Or talk to someone who has been through a similar experience. I believe in the power of shared experiences, and often others who have been through the deep places can be a real help. Grief is about coping with the loss of a relationship and often in a helping relationship, relief can be found.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
10 Facts about Grief and Grieving | Welcome to Sturm Funeral Home l...

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
One reason that we often find grief such a difficult challenge is that we have never learned what to expect. The following facts will help you understand some crucial truths about grief and grieving and how we can work through the process to find healing. Grief is not a disease.

# data[].attributes.body
“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”
You will never be able to really say goodbye but you will learn to live with it...
“Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.”

# data[].attributes.body
10 facts about Grief:
1.Grief is unpredictable after a death of a loved one/friend you may not feel it for a bit but randomly the pain/sadness would just hit you.
2.There is no easy way around it you would have to face it head on because since it is inevitable you will experience it even if you try your best to avoid it.
3.Grief is best handled with other people around you that will support you and help you through the tough time.
4.Grief isn't a bad thing it is actually it good thing, it shows that you are human and it shows that you miss that person.
5.Grief is in your brain since you were born everyone will feel it even if they grew up not really feeling much emotion.
6.There are five stages of Grief; denial, anger bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
7.Denial begins with not accepting the fact that you lost a loved one in you family/friends.
8.Anger means that you will think that there is no end to the pain and you begin to blame other things around you.
9.Bargaining means that you begin to give away your possessions and other things that you cared about.
10.Depression feels like you lost all hope in anything and you think that there is no point in life or anything that you care about anymore.
11.Acceptance is the final stage which means that you begin to accept/begin to allow the fact that they're gone.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
When my wife died in 2004, I looked for books to help me understand grief and deal with it. Most of what I found was useless, based on highly subjective speculations and anecdotal evidence, although I did find one helpful resource: Therese Rando's How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies. I found it lamentable that so little of the popular advice on grief was based on scientific evidence.

So I was pleased to encounter in my local Wordsworth bookstore a new, evidence-based but highly readable review that corrects many widespread misconceptions about bereavement, Ruth Davis Konigsberg's The Truth about Grief. Here are some of the facts about grief I learned from this book.

1. The five-stage model of grief is dubious. Many people have heard of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's account of the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. But she never had more than a few stories to provide evidence that grief develops in these stages. More careful research has found that acceptance commonly occurs early in the process of recovery from grief.

2. Repressing emotions can be good. Konigsberg describes the important research of George Bonanno, who found that "repressive coping" works well for many people.

3. Men suffer at least as much from bereavement as women. Contrary to the popular stereotype of women as more dependent and emotional, widowers often suffer more grief than widows.

4. People recover from grief. Despite the huge pain of major losses, most people no longer have major problems dealing with life by 18 months afterward.

5. Counseling may not be beneficial. When a graduate student in my department was murdered in 2003, the university brought in counselors to talk to the faculty and students. Such counseling has become a common part of responses to disasters, but it is an empirical question whether it actually helps people recover faster and better. An extensive review of relevant studies found no evidence that counseling was more effective for most people than the simple passing of time.

Konigsberg's evidence-based rejection of many myths about grief shows the value of basing psychology on scientific research rather than on anecdotes or popular theories. Folk theories about mental states, including the ones that analytic philosophers defend on the basis of their own thought experiments and intuitions, are likely to be as wrong as the ideas promulgated by popular psychologists to sell books and attract TV audiences. People naturally seek assistance to deal with severe problems such as the grief that inevitably follows major losses, but to be effective the help needs to based on the kinds of scientific research that Konigsberg reports.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
When my wife died in 2004, I looked for books to help me understand grief and deal with it. Most of what I found was useless, based on highly subjective speculations and anecdotal evidence, although I did find one helpful resource: Therese Rando's How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies.