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Teens prefer spending more time with colleagues and friends rather than parents during free time due to different generation gaps

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Minority feels that communicating with his/her parents is torturous as he/she is always in the wrong and parents refuse to communicate

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Majority are close with the parents and feel quality time is imporatant

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Majority of the teens are willing to spend more quality time with their parents but multiple obstacles like, tight schedules(shema), distances, (E ming)

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Teens often get flooded by school work which reduces the time they get to spend with their parents

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Shema has a close enough relationship with her family that she can share personal stuff with them.

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Quality time can be something as simple as just spending time together with no outside distractions

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Shema and her family also have different interests, so she prefers spending her free time with friends instead.

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Busy schedules are the main obstacles as to why they do not spend enough time together.

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Shema is close to her father and enjoys spending time with her family.

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Interviewee: Shema Tan Le Ping
Age: 18
Educational Level: Tertiary level
Parent's (Dad) job: Police drug councilor

How do you feel about your relationship with your parent and sibling?
I feel that I have a close relationship with my father and my brother because I talk to my brother quite often and we share bits of our lives with each other. I talk to my dad often too as I share with him alot about both my school and personal problems.

How much time do you spend with your family in a week?
Actually I spend very little time with my family in a week, I come home around 10-11pm before I need to go out and study at about 12-1pm plus so I do take to them for around an hour while playing with my dog. But on weekends we spend slightly more time together.

Would you rather spend time with your family or friends during your free time?
I would choose to spend time with my friends over my family. I do enjoy spending time with my family but i would rather spend this time with my friends. Let me explain why, this is because, the thing is, my brother and dad are both males so to spend time with them is not very easy because I do not share many same interests with them. For example, when we go out during the weekends to spend time with each other, they do not want to accompany me to do stuff like "girly" stuff such as shopping or whatever other girly stuff, its quite sian. So sometimes I dont "vibe" with them because they are both guys.

Okay, but do you think that the time spent with them is quality time?
Yes, I think time spent with them is quality time, because when we do have opportunities to go out and eat together or whatever, we usually spend this time catching up on one another's lives. For example, my brother will update us about his school stuff and my dad will update us about his work life and experiences. Actually the best quality time me and dad have is when we are in the car and hes driving me somewhere. I wont really use my phone and we'll just talk the entire drive.

So what do you consider quality time?
Quality time to me is people spending time to together without distractions such as phones or other devices and just sharing stuff about their lives. It doesnt always neeed to be a heart to heart moment but just sincere conversations without distractions is quality time to me.

Are there any obstacles that prevent you from spending time with your family?
When I'm spending time with my dad, the main obstacle is that our timings really clash. He leaves really early in the morning for work, so when my school starts later on in late mornings or afternoons, I dont see him. When I come back home, he's already quite tired from work and is getting ready for bed. So in a sense, our schedules are both busy and our timings just clash. I also work regularly on some saturday and sunday nights, so I wont see him for practically the entire week. So i guess our timings are the main obstacle. Its the same thing with my brother because he's in secondary school so his school hours are quite fixed, but for me it is different. Thats the main obstacle la. Another obstacle is like I dont want to share anything that will cause arguments or tension or anything because my father is those sensitive worrisome type. So like for my personal life, I dont want to share too much especially if I know that there will be negative feelings la.

So you dont think that clubbing is preventing you from spending quality time with your family?
UM. NO. Because I club in THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT when everyone else is asleep and ALSO I need to spend quality time with myself.

But like when you club then you wake up in the middle of the day and you could have used that time to spend time with your family.
Nevermind its okay my brother and my dad also wake up like 12pm one

Have you tried spending more quality time with them and did it work out?
My dad likes to take us on overseas trips because he likes having a dad and children bonding time and I feel that it is very effective because in a way we are forced to talk to each other. However although its comfortable talking to them, after a while it gets quite sian. Because, like I said, being the only girl in the family has its restrictions la and you'll feel quite bored because they dont really want to accompany me to do things that I want to do. They dont want to do anything that "goes with their flow"

But I remember you saying that you feel damn sian and hate going overseas with them so are you lying to me?
Yes but I am not lying to you. I like travelling overseas with them but the thing is they dont want to do the same things as me so like its gets sian after awhile. For like Australia right, after 6pm my brother will demand to go back to the hotel to just stay there the entire night. We wont go out to eat, we wont go out to shop, because he's tired. And we only do things like number one look at scenery or number two go to places like a farm. Um and for food wise right, we only can eat western because my brother likes western. So in a sense, it is very restricting for me because I am forced to do things like staying in the hotel doing nothing because they want to rest. Then I damn sian cause I cant do my shopping and whatever.

So would you rather go overseas with your family or your friends?
FRIENDS.

So would you rather go overseas with your family or school strangers?( school trips )
STRANGERS.

So your family is actually quite behind in your list of people you want to travel with?
Travelling wise, yeah they are at the back la. But I treasure them la.

Do you treasure them because they are your family or because you treasure them as people?
Themselves la. I do really like my dad and my brother but it's just that I cannot spend too much time with them.

When you talk to your family, do you talk mainly just surface level topic like about your daily life or do you talk about deeper stuff as well?
I do talk to them about deeper stuff. For example, instead of just talking about my projects and all, I do talk about my drama with my friends and all, stupid things that my friends tell me, I will tell him. I dont like to keep secrets from my dad, so i do tell him about my nightlife activities as well such as clubbing and drinking. For my brother, I will tell him stuff like wah this stupid guy like me and he will also tell me stupid stuff about his camp so in a sense I do share with them some deep personal stuff but I wont tell them those very deep deep secrets

Since you like clubbing and drinking and consider them as your hobby, what do you think about inviting them to these activities as a chance to spend more quality time together?
My father and brother both hate the environment. My father went twice in the past and found the environment to be rowdy and noisy. My brother hates loud music as well plus he still has to wait a few more years before he's legal. Aiya, they wont like it one la.

Do you compare your parents with other people's parents? What aspects do you compare if you do?
Yes, its quite hard because I come from a single parent family, so i often compare myself to people with both parents. Sometimes when I see people with both parents, I feel insecure because they receive more love cause they have love from both parents. They have a mom to buy them this and that, cook them what they want and spends time with them together with their dad. However my dad is always busy as he has to take on both the role of a mother and a father. But, I also feel grateful to have a dad that can take on both the roles of a mom and dad so at the end of the day I really do appreciate him for who he is.

How do you compare your dad to other parents? For example, are there aspects that he can improve on?
There are definitely aspects that he can improve on. He's quite blur and sotong like that, even worse than me. Its more difficiult for him as hes an adult as well so I have to look out for him. However its really quite hard to compare him properly with other parents because they do not know what it feels like to be a single parent.

Do you genuinely want to have a good relationship with your dad or do you have a good relationship with  him only because he is your dad?
Although I do already treasure him as a person I believe that we can have a better and deeper relationship as well, but we are both too busy for it at the moment.

If you could be born again, would you stick to the same parents you have or choose another one?
I would stick with my parents, I feel lucky to have such a supportive father that is able to take such good care of me and my brother although he is super busy with his workload and everything. He's very supportive and accepting in letting me discover who I am and letting me express myself. In a sense I am very grateful for that. I feel that if I had another set of parents, they would restrict me alot and not really let me have the chance to explore myself. Like my dad, he lets me go out with my friends and lets me go home late because we have a mutual trust and he knows that I tell him whatever I do.

How does your relationship with your dad affect your life?
I feel that if my relationship with my dad is not this good right, my life will be like really really jialat. Because of me and my dad arent close, there would be no parental figure in my life. In a sense, I'll just go really really crazy and wild and do whatever I want and be really rebellious. If I dont have my dad to take care of me and care for me right, I am able to learn how to be more mature. I have a strong bond with my dad and because of this, he has really been the reason why I havent been like pushed to the edge.

Would you like to spend more time with your family or are you satisfied with how things are right now?
Actually I really realized I need to spend more time with my family. I really do enjoy just spending time with them. Like the other day, my dad and I took Rhema (her brother) shopping for winter wear, and its fun to just share our opinions and stuff. Yeah its quite enjoyable and I do want to spend more time with them.

If you had an entire day free to spend time with your family, what would you like to do?
Because my brother and dad is more of those adventurous type that prefers to go outdoor, but im not really that type, I believe going to the beach to just like swim and cycling or something would be a good balance with like a picnic. And also, eating or like going to a dog cafe. Shopping no, USS or whatevever theme parks no, my brother dont like. Just walking also my brother lazy. So just like swimming, cycling, playing with dogs, eating. Thats all lo.

No, I wont really use the same parenting method because my dad is like really lenient and theres really no strict discipline and he approaches things with a soft approach. But it works on me because me and my brother are quite well behaved but if I was some wild child then my dad would be at a loss because my dad doesnt really know how to deal with tantrums and arguments. But for my children, I will be more fierce so they wont talk back to me or have the liberty of being rude and disrespectful to me. We (shema and child) will be close but we should still have like the respect for the mother from the child. For me and my dad, I feel like we are more like friends than father and daughter. So with my child, I want the like authority of a mother but we will still be close la. I wont be like overly strict la, for example, they only get to stay out late after a certain age lo. As long as I can trust my kid that he wont go wild, take drugs dont know do what illegal things, gamble la, get full back tattoo join gang all. As long as I know that they are decent kids, and they go out not to do stupid things then I'll let them go out. But i'll take more control of their lives by like I will make sure who they go out with is not those anyhow people, is like okay friends with good intentions. If my child is mature enough to differentiate between work and play then good la but if he cannot manage a good work and personal life then I will definitely step in. Although I also have my own nightlife activity and all, I still stay professional in school and have a good balance like I wont just party and let my GPA go down the drain while I club. Aiya my child should just be like me. But should come home earlier than me.

Okay thank you
Thank you

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Sze yu still respects and treasures her parents taking care of her.

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Sze yu feels like spending time at home alone with her parents is already good enough to be more bonded as a family.

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Interviewee: Tan Sze Yu
Age: 19
Education Level: Tertiary Level

Would you rather spend time with your family or go out with friends during your free time?
I would rather stay at home and do nothing with my parents cos i dont like going out.

Do you enjoy spending time with your family?
No. I like to be alone at home.

What do you think is "quality time" with your parents/siblings?
Is when you get to know them better. They may be different from what i used to think over time.

Would you like to have more opportunities to spend quality time with your parents? Why/why not?
Yes maybe because as i grow older i may not have time for such time with parents and they are getting older. Eg school, work. No is because theres nothing to do with them.

How often do you spend time with your family in a week?
Less than 5h in 1 week.

How would you like to spend time with your family? (Eg shopping, going for walks in the park, travelling) Why would you want to do that?
I really dk how to answer.

Imagine if you were given the chance to be reborn and choose new parents, would you still choose the ones that you have/had?
Same parents. Because they fed me well until i become fat and round.

Do you ever compare your parents with other people's parents? What aspects do you compare? How do you feel about your parents compared with other parents?
Dont really compare except curfew. My mum doesnt allow me to go home after 12. Asks what time go out and when come back. Only strict on the time and dont do stupid things.
(Theres a reason why the parents the children like that so we cant really compare parents individually.)

Do you feel that you genuinely want to have a good/better relationship with your parents or are only having a good relationship with them because they are your parents?
Because they are my parents. Even though i want to hate them i have to suck it up and be nice and spend time because they are my parents.

What are the past actions/quotes that your parents say/to do/for you? What do these actions/words mean to you? Why do you say so?
"When i was your age i was only 48kg." She means im fat.

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He is willing to talk to his parents whenever he runs into problems and seek help from them.

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E Ming finds time to chat with his parents despite him studying in Singapore and his parents staying in Malaysia.

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She feels that her schoolwork prevents her from spending time with her parents.

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Tammy is close to her parents as they do spend time together often (eg during meals, holidays).

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In the future, he thinks that as a parent, it is his responsibility to set aside time for his family.

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If he were a parent, he would try to understand from his kids' point of view instead of being unreasonable like his own parents.

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JL feels that it is difficult to strengthen his relationship with his parents as all of them do not have time for each other.

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JL and his parents cannot afford to spend time to together mostly due to their own commitments (eg school, work).

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He would rather choose to spend time with his acquaintances rather than family.

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YM and his parents frequently have conflicts.

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Interviewee: Chen Hui Lin Tammy
Age: 17
Education Level: Tertiary Level
Parents' Jobs: Mother - Bank Manager. Father - Chef.

What do you feel about your relationship with your siblings/parents?
I feel that im quite close to them as i do get to chat with them during meals.

Do you think you spend enough time with your siblings/parents?
I feel like i dont due to studies n they come home late.

Do you want to spend more time with them?
Yes

What do you feel is quality time?
Quality time is having to communicate with each other while doing something everyone loves or likes.

What are some of the activities you do with your parents/siblings during this quality time?
We go overseas or go out shopping as a family.

Who do you think an average singaporean spends more time with?(in ranking family/friends/colleague)
Colleague, friends, family

Would you rather spend time with your family or friends during your free time?
Friends because its difficult to see them due to us studying at different locations.

Would you like to have more opportunities to spend quality time with your parents?why/why not?
Yes because i want them to be able to accompany me on my journey in life.

How would you describe your relationship with your parents?
We are quite close as we help each other with problems faced at work or school.

What do you feel are some obstacles in the way that prevents you from spending time with your child/parent?
Work and studies.

Have you tried spending more quality time with your folks the last time?did it work out?why/why not?
Yes but i always have to rush to do my work if i spend too much time with them.

Would you use the same method of parenting of your children in the future?
No i would like my children to manage their time well and spend time with their family as well as study well.

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Interviewee: Yeoh E Ming
Age: 19
Education Level: Tertiary Level
Parents' Jobs: Insurance agent and lawyer clerk

What do you feel about your relationship with your siblings/parents?
Quite close but i like to keep personal stuff to myself.

Do you think you spend enough time with your siblings/parents?
Not really cuz im in singapore and there are in msia but i do chat with them everyday.

Do you want to spend more time with them?
not really unless i have free time

What do you feel is quality time?
i have no idea

What are some of the activities you do with your parents/siblings during this quality time?
probably just chit chat

Who do you think an average singaporean spends more time with?(in ranking family/friends/colleague)
Colleague > friends > family

Would you like to have more opportunities to spend quality time with your parents?why/why not?
Yes, but it is hard to find time for it.

How would you describe your relationship with your parents?
someone i can turn to for very serious problems or guidance in life decisions

What do you feel are some obstacles in the way that prevents you from spending time with your child/parent?
Im in sg they are in msia.

Have you tried spending more quality time with your folks the last time?did it work out?why/why not?
b4 i came sg i spend most time with them always. we dont always go out but we stay at home n chit chat tgt.

Would you use the same method of parenting of your children in the future?
maybe.

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Interviewee: Jeremiah Ling (JL)
Age: 18
Education Level: Tertiary Level
Parents' Jobs: Mother - HR manager. Father - Engineer

What do you feel about your relationship with your siblings/parents?
JL: As a single child my parents shower with me care when I was young but as time passes and I start growing we spend lesser time together as I am more independent and do not have to rely on them as much as I used to.

Do you think you spend enough time with your siblings/parents?
JL: Personally, I feel that we do not spend enough time together as we used to, this is due to work and school
constraints, both my parents are working full time jobs which involves working hours from 9am to 6pm. And sometimes they also have to work over the weekends.

Do you want to spend more time with them?
JL: I would like to spend more time with them so as to form an even stronger family bond.

What do you feel is quality time?
JL: I feel that quality time is in which a loved one receives one's undivided attention, in such a way as to strengthen
the relationship.

What are some of the activities you do with your parents/siblings during this quality time?
JL: The most recent activity we did together as a family was around 2 months ago during out trip to Melbourne. That was when I truly felt that my parents was spending quality time with me, where each of us place our workloads aside to make time for one another. Other than that, my family does not spend much quality time together.

Who do you think an average Singaporean spends more time with? (in ranking family/friends/colleague)
JL: Personally, I think that an average Singaporean teenager would spend more time with their friends or colleague when compared to the time they spend on their family. Singaporeans, be it teenagers or adults have to attend school or work. And the only time they get to spend with their family is during the evening or at night after school or work has ended. This is also excluding the time that parents have to work night shifts or overtime and the teenager staying back in school to finish up assignments or projects. This is why an average Singaporean spend more time with the people in their work/school than their family members.

Would you rather spend time with your family or friends during your free time?
JL: I would rather spend time with my family than my friends, but during my free time which is over the weekends, sometimes both my parents are not free due to massive workloads so I spend a lot more time with my friends than them instead.

Would you like to have more opportunities to spend quality time with your parents?why/why not?
JL: I would like to have more opportunities to spend quality time with my parents. I would like to reminisce about the past where they pamper and shower me with love. Although I do not show it, I still miss the quality time we spend together when I was young.

How would you describe your relationship with your parents?
JL: My relationship with my parents is average, but not as strong as it used to be as we spend lesser time with one another. However I feel that if we are able to spend just the weekends with one another, our relationship will be as strong as it used to be.

What do you feel are some obstacles in the way that prevents you from spending time with your child/parent?
JL: As a teenager studying tertiary education, majority of the obstacles that prevents quality time is work, studies, and projects. Many of these factors affect my grades which will in turn affect my future, so I tend to put more effort into these work instead of spending quality time with my parents.

Have you tried spending more quality time with your folks the last time?did it work out?why/why not?
JL: The last time we tried spending more quality time together, it did not work out very well. We traveled to Malaysia, however without even passing the customs, my mom received a call from her workplace and she needed to rush back for an urgent meeting, leaving my dad and I. Knowing 2 men, neither my dad nor I liked shopping so we went to buy some groceries after lunch and went home after that, which I feel was an extremely wasted trip as we barely spent any time together as a family.

Would you use the same method of parenting of your children in the future?
JL: I would not use the same method of parenting to my children in the future, I would dedicate either my future wife or I to take care of the children. This is to let my children feel family love, which I feel is very important in the growing stage of a child, as it might affect their behaviour and attitude when they grow up and start maturing. I have a childhood friend who grew up with no parental love as his parents hired a maid to take care of him.They have no quality time themselves to fully dedicate it to him. As a result he has caused a lot of trouble in primary and secondary school, some examples are stealing, playing truant, skipping class and many more. Even though his parents are earning quite a sum of money, I feel that the money they earn cannot compare to the parental love that they are able to give and I am quite sure that my friend would prefer that they shower him with love, instead of ignoring him for their work as well.

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Interviewee: Ng Yi Ming (YM)
Age: 18
Education Level: Tertiary Level
Parents' Jobs: Mother - Human Resource Manager. Father - Taxi Driver.

What do you feel about your relationship with your siblings/parents?
YM: Pretty close with sibing, not as much with parents.

Do you think you spend enough time with your siblings/parents?
YM: Not enough

Do you want to spend more time with them?
YM: No

What do you feel is quality time?
YM: I feel quality time is where time is used efficiently for my own entertainment/ purpose.

What are some of the activities you do with your parents/siblings during this quality time?
YM: At most, we go out to eat dinner during weekends.

Who do you think an average Singaporean spends more time with? (in ranking family/friends/colleague)
YM: Friends and colleagues would definitely come first.

Would you rather spend time with your family or friends during your free time?
YM: I would rather spend my time with my friends.

Would you like to have more opportunities to spend quality time with your parents?why/why not?
YM: No. My parents have a one track mind so since young, trying to explain myself was impossible. I was either dismissed as being rude for interrupting them or not answering them. So I figured not answering them would be a better choice
since it a waste of my time. So nowadays, if i can avoid any prolonged conversation with them, I would definitely do so and not the other way round.

How would you describe your relationship with your parents?
YM: My relationship with my parents is rather simple. if  I don't bother you, you don't bother me. Then everything is fine.

What do you feel are some obstacles in the way that prevents you from spending time with your child/parent?
YM:  As for me, one obstacle is when parents think that they are superior, thus everyone should listen to them and not the other way round. This makes spending time with them literally torturous and i try to stay away from them as much as possible.

Have you tried spending more quality time with your folks the last time?did it work out?why/why not?
YM: Yes. We still celebrate each others birthday and try to make it a joyous occasion as much as possible. Although we may not be able to agree with other most of the time, I feel it is still important to respect each other to a certain degree.

Would you use the same method of parenting of your children in the future?
YM: No, of course not. If as a parent, I cant or refuse to listen to my children voice, I rather stop being a parent because my children would only end up suffering. Parents are children's pillar of strength, the least one could do for them is to at least learn and understand their children's concerns instead of dismissing it with your own ideas in mind.Not everyone thinks the same. sometimes children see things differently compared to the adults.