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My throat hurts for some reason, probably because I stayed at the hospital and interacted with the patients for too long. It feels scratchy and I don't know if regular lozenges would yield any results.

I did try to drink lots of water, but it didn't last for too long. Sigh, it hurts so badly, I don't know what else to do. I might even have to go to the clinic but after that, what? Oh well, it's not like it's the end of the world, right? Ugh, I hate sore throat. If I get a checkup, will they see another ulcer? If yes, then ice cream for days.

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Another day, another time to work as a listener for a friend. We ended up sleeping at the hospital overnight to take care of her, and so far she seems stabled. If only her family understands pain, but oh well.

She finally tried to eat her food, and not having too much stress. Or so I thought, because she ended up throwing her phone against the door after her family made her feel pressured.

In any case, I managed to get her to sleep for quite a while so that's good. Now, I'm gonna focus on myself because my body finally said "girl, you're unwell." Yay.

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My friend who shall be stay anonymous recently had a breakdown, and she she's brought to the hospital. I followed them out of worried but it's probably not a good idea to stay this late.

All in all, she's getting her treatment, so me and Lily found a surau to sleep for a bit until morning.

I might stay up the whole night but meh, I don't mind a bit. They're more important anyway.

But I know for a fact my mom will kill me if she finds out about this.

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It was just another day at the hostel that I decided to go to my parents for a visit. It hasn't been a day when my roommate asked if I was in the room because she can't get inside. She accidentally left her key and lanyard at home so I was pondering if she can get in through the other room's door through the bathroom. Luckily, I didn't locked the bathroom door so she can get in safely. Then, once I reached back the dorm, a friend of mine asked if I could by food for her, so I did.

Today was a bit unfortunate that made me feel anxious, but it all worked out.

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I went to the nearby Cool Blog place behind the hostel and met two little children girls there who wanted to buy some for themselves. Naturally, I started to keep an eye on them and made sure they're okay. I talked to them a bit and we both laughed things out for fun.

But when it was time for me to leave with the children, I could feel this anxiety of mine rising like a wave swallowing my stomach that it made me feel like vomiting. I did made sure they entered their neighbourhood safely but I didn't keep an eye on them long enough to make sure they're safely home. I hope they're okay. My anxiety only makes it worse...

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Today was supposedly the final day to submit the mara documents and yet the universe decided to test me by making me not having enough documents to get it officially taken. I lost my passport picture at my dad, I ended up walking back and forth between hostel and campus in the rain because the busses aren't available, I had an emotional breakdown in the rain from the stress and somehow fell down the stairs towards the office building.

Today really got me wondering, "What the hell is wrong with me?" but maybe the real question is, "Why do I still keep my toxic positivity and optimism?" I guess the world wouldn't have to know because even I don't know.

In any case, the deadline got extended so yay, time for another misery.

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Recently, I was just finish minding my own business when I saw my friend who shall stay anonymous for now fainted in my lecturers car. I knew she needs to go to the hospital so I did, following her and made sure she's okay. At the hospital, she was diagnosed with a mental illness and I could only be there whenever she needs comfort.

Funnily enough, my own classmate was there too and she ended up in the hospital for further treatment. I hope they're both doing okay.

I was only there as a visitor, but boy I got lost easily. Please don't make me go there again. The floor layout is confusing.

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The mall is quite big and cold, and even though I've been here, there's rarely any places I get to see because we always stayed at the bowling alley. When a lecturer and friend brought me to the other parts of the mall, I thought it was my first time seeing more of the mall. I'm embarassed, but it's beautiful. I wish I could see more but I doubt my family will let me.

Hm, I wonder how long it'll take for me to actually discover more of this beauty?

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Am I that clumsy to hit a wall, tripped down the stairs, and my own drink almost spilling onto the floor? Come on, why today should be Clumsy Day? I doubt I wanna keep this as a memory but life goes on, I guess.

On the side note, my body has been a bit of a doozy and prefers to stick on the bed most of the time. Tiredness? Maybe. But bedtime is always a fun time.

Maybe I'll get myself a burger and enjoy it. I'll end up forgetting this day as well, who knows?

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I always forgot about a lot of stuff, as if my memories kept erasing after a few hours or so. About this homework? I ended up forgetting it for a few days before writing everything down. Sometimes, I wonder what's wrong with my brain. I just wanted to see if my head isn't like that of a child. My eyes are dizzy, and all I wanted was to remember. Maybe I should ask a doctor about this? But it's just memory loss, not amnesia.

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Just like any other day, when something important came up, fighting and arguing tends to come as well. This time, it was about the EPAY for kptm thing students had to pay. It should be simple. It should have been simple as pressing a button of confirmation.

But no. What started off as a promise to handle it at home turned into an argument between my parents about the fee. I think they've misunderstood me again. I just want to finish it before the 30th September. They made me dragged it all the way until the 29th September.

Isn't it such a grand old time, huh? To think my own parents, the ones who were suppose to aid me and guiding me ended up me decided to just do things on my own. Forget about handle the mara documents, I'll do everything myself. Because in the end, the only person I could trust from now on is me, and God. Everyone else are only standing in my way.

I don't need others.... Right?

I just want to complete the important stuff before the deadline.

Why did it end it with a fight between them?

It's only 1:15 pm, so whatever happens after this, I don't want to care. I don't want to comment it.

Thanks, mom and dad. You made me want to stay at the hostel forever.

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I rarely got the chance to eat fast food because of my parents, and I get it. The food there can be expenssive. Recently, my new favorite meal from a fast food chain is the Bajet Deal meal from Marrybrown. It has a chicken burger with cheese sauce, and a small coke. It's quite filling, but not too much, y'know?

I'm glad I learned how to use an online food delivery app. I hope I can continue doing this a lot. Am I locking myself up? Yup, but I prefer indoors than outdoors so, I'm okay with it.

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I always wonder how I often stay optimistic everyday. I realized that the people I befriended with are often suffer with mental illnesses, family drama, immense trauma, everything. If I have a penny for every time I have a friend like that, I'd have two. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

In any case, I always cherish my friends and will always do my best to be there for them, even if it'll cost an arm or a leg. I'd do the same for my family, I'll be fine.

How am I still mentally sane? I'm not sure either. But hey, I'm still happy.

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I used to be creative as a kid, but now I'm always in a daze whenever something or someone tell me something I'm not interested in. It's like just a boring moment for me.

I remember asking a "how are you" question to a friend but instead of saying good or bad, they ended up talking so much that I was like "bro, I asked a yes or no question, not history lessons." After they talked, I asked "so, it was mid?".

Honestly, just be straightforward. No need elaborated details unless absolutely needed.

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Today was the very first time I ever cosplay before. I was dressing up as Furina since both me and her are quite alike. She loves sweets like me, her name is deadly similar to me, and we both enjoy having fun. The only differences is that she's more expressive while I'm more secretive. I still had some fun cosplaying for the first time since I never had any prior experiences for it. I hope I can cosplay again soon.

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Another day full of boredom. I didn't have anything to do besides staying in my room and melt on my bed. After what feels like hours, I decided to get some food at the hostel's cafe. As always, I went with my classic kuew teow Tom yum and iced tea. It's not too expensive so it's alright. The quantity is good, and the quality is not bad. But meh, I want to try out her food but I don't want to pay more for less, y'know? Sigh, today is really boring.

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I'm not much of a gamer since my mom often try to not let me play too much games until I ended up pushing away my education.

Most games I played are fairly simple, with some have auto battles so you know well that I'm gonna abuse that feature. My favorite game of all is Honkai Star Rail, a turn based rpg game with the best story telling ever. I don't want to stop.

New characters can be collected by doing some rolls or in some people's eyes, gambling. I don't mind since it's just data, but some people are scary enough to spend real money on it.

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English has always been my forte since I was young. I remember my dad often spank me whenever I say the English words wrong, forcing me to read at such early age. Why can I remember this, but my dad didn't? Probably just lying but, oh well.

I wanted to see how far I could go with my English, so I tried to remember my old results. It's always A or A+? That's fine with me.

Maybe I should see how this semester go since it could be different despite I understand most of these stuff already.

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It's always a treasure hunt in YouTube whenever you wanna find any good videos. Some channels will get you distracted, some will make you alert. Me? I just randomly open a video and try listening to it, but sometimes it's a bit boring. I don't know if YouTube is doing that well.

Oh yeah, I should watch "If Everything Was Off Brand" skits from StevenHe. He's real funny, especially the accent. You can't not get a laugh from watching him. It's relatable too.

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Someone asked me whether or not I should cut my hair, to which I responded with "I don't know." My head does feel heavy everything I shower, but I don't want to spend too much money on just a simple trim.

My hair has always been weird. I thought it was fine, but the hair thickness variations are scary. And it kept falling down like autumn. Is there something wrong with my hair?

.... Maybe I should get a hair cut after all?

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This is a bit new to be. It feels weird, but at the same time comforting? I don't know if I'll remember writing much in hear, but I'll do my very best.

So, today wasn't that bad of a day. Starting off with an early morning class is all. Then, I ate my usual breakfast of bread, eggs, and some milk tea. I do want my favorite Vanilla Blue drink, but I can wait. It wouldn't be that bad, right?

Then, the evening came and I lay face down on my bed. It feels so nice.