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ERIC: Information and Advice around toileting

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ERIC: Information and Advice around toileting

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Clinically approved information and resources about children’s bowel and bladder conditions and potty training. Our information is reviewed by our Professional Advisory Committee (PAC), a group of experts working in the field of children’s bowel and bladder health and is in line with guidance issued by NICE (National Institute for Health and Care Excellence).

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Domestic violence helpline 0808 2000 247 (for men and women)

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Domestic violence helpline 0808 2000 247 (for men and women)

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If you are in immediate danger, call 999 and ask for the police. If you can’t speak and are calling on a mobile press 55 to have your call transferred to the police. Find out how to call the police when you can’t speak.

For free, confidential advice, 24 hours a day contact a domestic abuse helpline.

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This factsheet explains what a non-molestation order is, how it can protect victims of domestic abuse, and how to apply for one.

Men's Advice Line evaluation survey

Have you spoken to our Advisors? Tell us about your experience

Take our survey

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Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men | Men's Advice Line UK

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The Men's Advice Line is for male victims of domestic abuse. We offer confidential advice, non-judgmental support, practical information and help

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Young Minds for Parents and Carers provides advice about mental health and behaviour problems in children and young people up to the age of 25. You can call the parents’ and carers’ helpline on 0808 802 5544. Please be aware Young Minds do not provide any direct psychological services and cannot make referrals to the NHS or Children and Young People’s Mental Health Services (CYPMHS).

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For people who are abusive to partners and want help to stop

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For people who are abusive to partners and want help to stop

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Respect is a pioneering UK charity working to stop the harms done by those who perpetrate domestic abuse.

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Nest Lancashire
We can support anyone who has experienced or witnessed domestic abuse. We offer one to one support or group activities and we will work with you in a way that suits you best. All our services are free and confidential.
To contact us just text NEST and your number to 60777, email info@nestlancashire.org or call 0300 111 0323.

Empowerment - Children's Independent Domestic Violence Advisor (IDVA)
Empowerment provides specialised support to children and young people in the Blackpool, Fylde and Wyre area who have been affected by domestic abuse through the appointment of IDVA's. This service offers a chance for individuals to talk about their experiences in a safe environment with one-to-one support, an opportunity to meet and support other individuals who have had similar experiences, and to take part in educational sessions around safety planning, confidence and self-esteem building, safe and unsafe relationships and domestic abuse.

For the benefit of younger children under 5 years, the service also facilitates the rebuilding of the relationship between the non-abusing parent and child through supporting the parent in re-learning how to interact with their children and to establish themselves as a positive parental role model

Telephone: 0300 323 2100
Website: www.empowermentcharity.org.uk
Email: admin@empowermentcharity.org.uk
Social Media: Facebook @empowermentcharity / Twitter @Empowerment_

HARV Domestic Violence Team
HARV provide specialised support services to children, young people and women who have been affected by domestic abuse, exploitation and violence. Support services for children include youth schemes, residential weekends, play schemes, positive activities programmes and one to one support. HARV also offer an early intervention domestic violence prevention programme for young men, a safeguarding service which provides children with the opportunity to talk about their experiences, and education services where children can be offered 6 weeks support in school time to enable their learning.

Website: harvoutreach.org.uk/
Telephone: 01254 879 855
Email: info@harvoutreach.org.uk
Social Network Names: Twitter @HARVLancashire

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Nest Lancashire We can support anyone who has experienced or witnessed domestic abuse. We offer one to one support or group activities and we will work with you in a way that suits you best. All our services are free and confidential. To contact us just text NEST and your number to 60777, email info@nestlancashire.org or...

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Help Your Child With ADHD | Parents Guide to Support

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If your child is struggling to manage their ADHD, read our tips on how to support them and places you can get a diagnosis or find help.

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Young Minds: Parents Guide to Looking After Yourself

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Young Minds: Parents Guide to Looking After Yourself

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Worrying or difficult behaviour might be short-lived, so give it some time. All children go through stages of feeling anxious or angry and they can show this in lots of ways - for example, tantrums, crying, sleeping problems or fighting with friends or siblings. They might be adapting to a change in the family or in their school life, or just trying out new emotions, and will generally grow out of worrying behaviour on their own or with family support.

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Parents' Guide to Looking After Your Mental Health

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Supporting your child with their mental health can feel difficult, but we have tips and advice on how you can look after yourself and your child.

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Young Minds: Talking to your child about mental health

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Young Minds: Talking to your child about mental health

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Giving our children and young people opportunities to open up is one of the biggest things we can do as parents and carers to support their wellbeing. It can be easy to forget the simple power of sharing what we're going through and feeling heard. But even though you can't fix everything when your child is struggling, you can make them feel seen and understood - and this in itself can make them feel more able to cope.

Talking about how they are, how their day has been and what's on their mind as part of everyday family life shows your child that you're interested in them and want to listen. It also supports them to practise thinking and talking about their feelings, helping them to get to know themselves and what they need.

But talking isn't always easy. You might feel like you don't know where to start, when a 'good time' is, or how your young person will react. Or, you might be worried about making things worse or saying the wrong thing. If this is the case, try to remember that your child doesn't need you to always get it right - they just need to know you're there.

Here, you can find lots of ideas, conversation starters and advice for making talking easier.

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How to Talk to Your Child about Mental Health

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Read our advice on how you can talk to your child about mental health and encourage them to talk about their feelings.

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Empowerment Charity | Empowerment Works with People

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Weekly sessions at The DEN, based at the Empowerment Base. These sessions are open to all children and young people who have/are accessing support. A CIDVA will be available for support, as well as providing a safe space to meet other children and young people.

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CASHER: Drop-in sessions for adults and children

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CASHER: Drop-in sessions for adults and children

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To discuss any mental health concerns

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A special space has been created in Blackpool Victoria Hospital. The Child and Adolescent Support and Help Enhanced Response (CASHER) team at Blackpool Teaching Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust now have their own dedicated safe space where they see children and young people who have may have concerns with regards to their mental health or have any issues they feel they need to discuss. They work from 5pm till 10pm Monday to Friday and from 10am till 8pm at weekends. Bank Holiday times can vary but they cover every day of the year including Xmas Day. They also run two CASHER reach out groups in the community (Blackpool on a Tuesday & Fleetwood on a Wednesday) and run a CASHER Weekend Clinic from 2pm till 3pm every Saturday and Sunday.

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A special space has been created in Blackpool Victoria Hospital. The Child and Adolescent Support and Help Enhanced Response (CASHER) team at Blackpool Teaching Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust now have their own dedicated safe space where they see children and young people who have may have concerns with regards to their mental health or have any issues they feel they need to discuss.

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Counselling in the community: For adults

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Counselling in the community: For adults

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You are not alone. Whether you are struggling with your mental health or dealing with a difficult life event such as bereavement or separation, our counsellors at Counselling in the Community are here to listen. You will feel supported from the moment you enter our service, openly sharing your thoughts and emotions, with the aim of finding your own solutions.

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About us

The Linden Centre provides counselling and support to adults, children and young people living in Blackpool, Fylde and Wyre who have, or are caring for, someone with a non-curative or life-limiting illness, which is not responding to medical treatment. Also those who are bereaved due to a non-curative or life-limiting illness. Some of our services are unique - Schools Link, for example, which trains local teachers to support pupils who are struggling to cope after a major loss.

We offer a compassionate and comfortable environment that gives adults and children the help they need - or points them towards another service, if what will help them best is outside our scope. We are an Organisational Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy and work in accordance with its ethical framework.

How can we help?

We know some people are reluctant to ask for support, and others wonder how counselling or simply talking through a problem can possibly help them. But the anxiety of looking after someone who is very ill, or the grief at their death, can be hard to bear. A listening ear can make such a difference.

A counsellor can help people explore their feelings in a way that friends and relatives perhaps cannot; especially at a time of loss.

The Linden Centre can take self-referrals from direct family members of patients who have been supported by Trinity's family of services. Just call or email to request an appointment and we will arrange an initial assessment. This will explore your current situation, talk about how you are feeling, and explain what kind of support is available.

Our referral criteria

Anyone currently receiving care or support from Trinity's family of services

Anyone living with or caring for someone who is being supported by Trinity's family of services

A direct family member who is bereaved after the loss of someone who has been cared for by Trinity's family of services

Bereavements of more than two years ago require a GP referral.

Our friendly staff will guide and advise you at each step, explaining what Trinity can provide and helping you choose the best available support. There's no charge for any of our counselling services.

Anyone who feels anxious, overwhelmed or who is struggling to cope whilst caring for a terminally ill person, or after bereavement, can use the Linden Centre and will always receive a warm welcome

We have skilled and experienced therapists and counsellors. We also have counsellors on placement who are working towards qualification.

As a local charity we rely on funding from the community, but do our best to keep our waiting list as short as possible. However, the demand on our service is very high, so you will probably have a wait before your assessment appointment, and before therapy can start.
Our counselling services are free of charge for those who need them, however it costs the hospice £5,400 per week (£1,080 per day) to provide them. If you would like to make a donation to help support the Linden Centre, click here.
Talking about death can be the elephant in the room

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Counselling and support - Trinity Hospice

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The Linden Centre provides counselling and support to adults, children and young people living in Blackpool, Fylde and Wyre who have, or are caring for, someone with a non-curative or life-limiting illness, which is not responding to medical treatment. Also those who are bereaved due to a non-curative or life-limiting illness.

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How can I help my child through my divorce or separation?

Every child and young person's experience with the loss of their known family unit will be unique, but it can sometimes cause intense emotional distress.

In the immediate aftermath of a break-up, children's early responses can involve a number of defence behaviours, including: denial, disbelief, dissociation, hyperactivity, irritability and protest, alarm and panic. Over time, children may experience grief and display behaviours and emotions that indicate yearning and pining, sadness and depression, anger and hostility, anxiety, guilt, shame and despair. Even if children feel relieved at a family break-up where violence is a significant factor, most children will still feel some loss and grief.

There are things you can do to improve the way your child copes with the changes going on around them.

Things that may really make a difference:

Tips and advice from our Parents Helpline

Download our full Parents Helpline guide to divorce and separation

For more information and advice, you can download our full Parents Helpline guide to divorce and separation. The guide includes:

information about how children of different age groups may react to - and cope with - their parents divorcing or separating

advice on how you can support your child through a parental break-up

a list of helplines and services you can use

Supporting children through divorce or parental separation | YoungMinds Parents Lounge

The impacts of parental alienation and emotional abuse

A parent who turns their child against their other parent by bad-mouthing, belittling the other adult, limiting contact between them, forbidding discussion about them, creating the impression the parent does not love the child or forcing the child to reject the parent is becoming increasingly common and can do significant damage to children's mental health.

The Chief Executive of the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (CAFCASS), Anthony Douglas, recommended in February 2017 that parents who use this type of 'alienation' should be considered guilty of neglect or emotional abuse.

You may also find helpful...

Where to get further support

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Divorce & Young People's Mental Health | Parent Guide

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When parents divorce, it can have a big impact on a child's mental health. Read our advice on looking after your child's wellbeing through a separation.

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NSPCC: Supporting your child with divorce or separation 

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NSPCC: Supporting your child with divorce or separation 

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A child can't be forced to see the non-resident parent but if there's a court order in place, the resident parent must follow the agreed arrangements.

It's really important that you ask your child and explore what's bothering them before you think about stopping contact with a parent or another family member.

Both parents should work towards helping the child feel safe and happy in their care. A child's feelings are important but contact should be encouraged as long as it does not place them at harm.

If a young person doesn't feel their voice is being heard, they can contact an advocacy service such as NYAS, which helps young people in England and Wales express their wishes.

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Divorce and separation can be hard, but it's important that your child gets the right support. Know your rights and get advice on helping your child.

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Family can be there for you through the good and bad times. You might love spending time with them and have great memories of growing up. They can also be a huge support for your mental health. Family can be there to listen when you need to talk, help you understand your thoughts and what support you need, or spend time with you so that you don't feel alone.

But we know that every family is different. Things with you and your family may not always be easy or straightforward. And not getting along with them can make life tough. But whatever is going on between you and your family, we have information and advice that can help.

Our Activists, and other young people like you, share their tips on how you can open up to someone about your mental health.

For more tips and advice on reaching out for help, take a look at our guide.

Across the world, people from every country, culture, and religion, can experience the most positive and helpful support with their mental health. Equally, no matter what background, some people will experience barriers opening up to their family, which can negatively impact their mental health, and their ability to talk about it.

Talking to your family about your mental health might be particularly difficult for a number of reasons, such as:

worries about burdening other people with your problems

fear of judgement

your family members not having much awareness about mental health issues, or having a different understanding of them

having to deal with cultural stigma around mental health

different communication styles, or struggling to find the right words if you're not having the conversation in English

worries that you will be treated differently, or even blamed for what you're going through

having a lack of shared experience and things in common with your family

finding a good time if your family members are busy

Whatever the barrier you are facing, you are not alone. While it can be really helpful to speak to your family about what you're going through, there are other people who can support you if that feels too difficult right now. Instead you could try speaking to a friend or a trusted adult, like a teacher, a lecturer or a local faith leader. You could also reach out to a doctor or other health professional. They might be able to help you think of what to say to your family, or even be there when you speak to your family for moral support.

See the bottom of this page for helplines and organisations that you can reach out to for confidential support.

Whether you're able to speak to your family about what you're going through or not, your feelings are valid and you deserve support.

We know that sometimes, it can feel like your family don't understand what you're going through or how you're feeling, or that they don't accept it. This might be particularly difficult if you have opened up to your family about something you're going through and they haven't reacted in the way you expected or hoped. This can make you feel like nobody understands you or what you're going through. But if this happens, remember it's not your fault. It's likely your family need a bit of time - they might not have realised how you're feeling and it might have been a shock to them.

After some time, if you feel ready to talk about it with them again, you may find they are also more open to discussion and have questions to help them understand how you are feeling.

If your family are not supportive, or if they are not willing to listen to how you are feeling, there are other people that can help you, like your friends, helpline services or a teacher. It may not always be the first person you speak to, but there will be someone who will listen. See the bottom of this page for a list of helpline services that you can use free of charge.

We know that there can be times that are really difficult with family - no family is perfect and it's common for families to have their ups and downs. There are lots of different reasons why you might be struggling with family. It could be things like:

Our Activists share what can help you cope during this difficult time:

I started to worry that the people I loved the most would also leave my side. I really struggled to sleep as my anxious thoughts would keep me up at night.

If you are finding it tough to get along with your family, it can make you feel lonely, anxious, overwhelmed, angry or misunderstood. If you feel like this, that's okay. No two families are the same, but every family will have its differences or difficulties - this is completely normal.

Here are some things you can do if you're struggling with family:

Sometimes, friends can end up feeling like your chosen family. They can be the ones who support you when you're struggling, or the ones who you feel most comfortable around.

If you are struggling with your family, remember there will always be someone to support and help you.

See the bottom of this page for helplines and organisations that you can reach out to for confidential support.

Our Activists share how they have coped when struggling with family.

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Family | Mental Health Advice For Young People

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Family can be there for you through the good and bad times. You might love spending time with them and have great memories of growing up. They can also be a huge support for your mental health.

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If you're concerned about keeping yourself or another person safe, call 999 as soon as possible. We have a couple of places specific to Lancashire that you can call for support: Mental Health Access Line - NHS non-emergency services on 111. Lancashire Listening Service - 0800 915 4640 or text 'Hello' to 07860 022846.

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Supporting a child who self-harms

Offer them emotional support

Finding out that your child's been hurting themselves can be really hard to accept and it's natural to feel anxious or upset. Some parents might also blame themselves or feel powerless to help. But if you can, it's really important to try and stay calm and remember there are things you can do to support your child.

Focus on showing them that you're there whenever they choose to talk. Remember they may prefer to talk over text or WhatsApp rather than in person. If they do feel ready to talk, try to just listen and not ask too many questions about why they've been self-harming, so it doesn't seem like you're judging them.

Let them know that you care about them and that you want to help them find healthier ways to cope with difficult or upsetting feelings they're having. But that's it's okay for them to be honest with you about what they're going through.

Focus on what's causing the self-harm

Remember self-harm is often caused by an underlying problem, like depression or anxiety, or being bullied. It can be more helpful to focus on helping them with what's causing their feelings rather than on the self-harm itself.

You can help them to get support for a mental health problem, such as by talking to their GP, someone at their school or to Childline. It can also help to ask their GP about a referral to Child and adolescent mental health services (CAMHS).

Sometimes hiding or taking away something a child is using to self-harm can lead to them finding other ways to hurt themselves. You could try asking your child what would be most helpful for them and ask them to tell you when they feel they want to hurt themselves.

Sometimes, it might be possible to come to an agreement where your child tells you when they've hurt themselves. It's important to make sure any injuries or cuts are cleaned and properly taken care of. Any serious injuries should be treated right away in a hospital.

Encourage them to find healthy ways to cope

Instead of simply asking a child to stop self-harming, it can be helpful to suggest something they could do instead to cope with difficult feelings.

Some things young people who've spoken to us have found helpful are:

paint, draw or scribble in red ink

hold an ice cube in your hand until it melts

write down your negative feelings then rip the paper up

wear an elastic band on your wrist and snap it every time you feel the urge to self-harm

listen to music

punching or screaming into a pillow

talk to friends or family

take a bath or shower

exercise

watch your favourite funny film.

Childline also has many more self-harm coping techniques for children and young people. The wall of expression game can also be a helpful way for young people to deal with difficult feelings.

Help them to build their confidence

Many children who self-harm suffer from low self-esteem or confidence. You can help by reminding them about the things they do well or help them to learn something new together, like playing guitar or making crafts.

You could write a list of all the things that make you proud of your child and that make them special, and giving it to them. Try to focus on things about their personality rather than things like their academic achievements.

Childline also has advice for children and young people on building their confidence and self-esteem.

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Being worried about a child who's self-harming can be really difficult. We've got advice to help you understand why children and teenagers self-harm, how to recognise the signs, and what you can do to support a young person who's struggling.

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Head Above The Waves: Supporting your child with self-harm

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Head Above The Waves: Supporting your child with self-harm

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If you think your child may be self-harming, you're likely feeling a mix of confusing emotions; you might be worried for your child's safety and wanting to help them, but also angry they would want to hurt themselves, and maybe also feeling guilty because you don't know what could possibly have made them so upset. You're not alone in feeling this way, but there are things you can do as a parent to support your child and find them the help that they need. In this post, we'll discuss some of the most pressing questions from parents.
Q: How do I know if my child is self-harming?

A: There are numerous potential signs that a person might be engaging in self-harm, but here's a list of some of the most common ones we run across:

Constantly wearing long sleeves, even in hot weather

Their eating patterns are different from what they would usually be (for example, not getting food at lunchtime).

Bandages or plasters, either on their body, in their bedroom or school bag

Unexplained cuts or bruises on their body

Being less communicative/responsive than usual

Feeling tired all the time, or not sleeping

Using very negative language about themselves

Expressing feelings of failure, uselessness or hopelessness

Looking physically anxious

Skipping classes or other commitments

Becoming evasive or dismissive when you ask how they are

Engaging in harmful behaviours like smoking, or drinking

Isolating themselves - distancing themselves from friends or family

Being more aggressive or argumentative than usual

Lack of interest in things they were once passionate about

They've gone through a big and/or traumatic life event

Q: How do I talk about what I'm noticing with my child?

A: Often, our immediate reaction can be to focus on their injuries, or to try to make them feel better by explaining away their feelings, unconsciously diminishing them in our effort to make them less worrisome. Regardless of your intentions, actions like these can make your child lose trust in you, and make them less likely to confide in you about their feelings and worries. The most important thing you can do is validate your child's feelings and experiences. When your child shares something with you, even something small, like a concern that they aren't good enough at something, they are putting a huge amount of trust in you to respect their feelings. When this happens, try to:

Let them say all they need to say, don't interrupt, even to reassure them

Express your desire to understand what they are feeling

Avoid 'you should' statements - instead, focus on making sure they know you're listening without judgement, and that you want to help

It's likely the first time your child opens up to you won't be a massive revelation, but it can be an opportunity to lay the foundation for trust and communication moving forward. You don't have to be sure your child is self-harming to start the conversation, because the conversation should focus on how they are feeling, rather than on their injuries.

We also understand that starting that conversation can be difficult for both parties, so here are some potential conversation starters and things to consider ( remember, it doesn't have to be a huge scary conversation, just something that lets them know you care):

How are you feeling today?

I've noticed you [ insert unusual behavior you've seen/haven't been quite yourself], do you want to talk about anything?

I've noticed you've [ insert observation here], and we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but I want you to know I'm not angry, I won't judge you, and I will be here to help you when you feel comfortable sharing with me.

Are you feeling up to talking right now? (make sure it's a good time for )

Let them know they can write things down, as sometimes it's hard to talk about such intense feelings

Let them know you just want to make sure they're safe

Sometimes, just letting your child know that you've noticed something different going on with them, but you're not angry - you just want to be there to support them - can be the encouragement they need to open up about what's troubling them. The most important thing is to approach the conversation with an open mind; you don't know or understand what's going on in their head, but you're there to support them, without judgement.

Notice with all of the above we focused on the person, not the injuries? That's perhaps the most important bit. Self-harm is something they DO, but it's just one small part of the bigger picture.

Q: Is there anything I shouldn't say?

A: While there are no set rules for this kind of thing, there are some lines of questioning that can do more harm than good, which we'll discuss below:

Anger:
It's normal to feel angry in situations like these, because no one wants to believe that their child would willingly hurt themselves. However, self-harm is a coping strategy, not the real problem, so focusing your anger on your child's injuries, or the fact that they are engaging in self-harm at all, can make them feel ashamed of their actions and their feelings, and can make them less-likely to be honest about their struggles in the future.
Shock or surprise:
Try to keep a level head as best you can, as appearing shocked can make your child feel abnormal when all they likely want to do is fit in. Show your concern, but remember that talking about self-harm is a big step - when in doubt, just listen.
Don't take away utensils:
While your first reaction might be to take away the thing your child uses to self-harm, this can simply make your child go looking for other, potentially more harmful ways of coping. Not to mention, it won't make them trust you any more than they already do. Remember, they're using self-harm to cope, and taking that coping strategy away leaves them completely vulnerable to the issues they're dealing with.
There are, of course, exceptions to this; if you feel your child may be a danger to others, then it may be safest to remove the equipment they're using. Alternatively, you could offer to your child that, when they feel ready, they could give their equipment to you to dispose of, either when they're ready to stop self-harming or if they want your help in using more positive coping strategies. Make sure they know you'll be there when they want to talk, but don't force them to tell you anything if they're not ready. Prying can have the opposite reaction to what you want.
Don't force them to talk to you:
Similar to the last point, bombarding your child with personal questions can overwhelm them - remember, it's a conversation, not an interrogation.
Don't ask a million questions:
It's tempting to ask someone to promise not to self-harm, but it's important to remember that they're only doing it because it allows them to move forward in their life. Instead, if you feel they're receptive in that moment, you could suggest they try different, more positive coping strategies next time. Self-harm is a learned behavior, but it is possible to learn new, positive behaviors that can replace it. You can find a huge list of them here on our website.
Don't tell them not to do it:
The point of starting the conversation is to understand how they feel, and how you can support them. Telling them 'it'll be okay' defeats the purpose of listening to them, because they don't need to be made to feel happy, they need to be heard.
Don't tell them to "smile!":
This one is tied up in another misconception - that everyone who self-harms is also suicidal. It can be tempting in the moment to say things like "how do you think this makes me feel?", or "how would your siblings feel if you weren't here?", or "your friends must be so worried about you!". This only creates negativity, though, which isn't helpful when someone is trying to be open and vulnerable with you. They can only get better when they are ready; if they stop self-harming for themselves, it will stick a heck of a lot better than if they do it out of guilt for someone else.
Don't make it all about you:

Remember, it can be really hard to stop relying on self-harm, especially if the person has been relying on self-harm to cope for a long time, so don't be discouraged if nothing changes overnight. What we usually hear from students is that they wish someone would simply ask if they're okay, like any normal person would. Try your best to be approachable, rather than critical, and let them talk at their own pace.

Q: Is it my fault?

A: No, it is not your fault. There are many possible reasons behind self-harm, and they differ from person to person, but here are some common reasons someone may self-harm:

if they feel out of control in other areas, they may do this to have control over Control - something

Release - self-harm may be their way of releasing tension, anger, sadness, frustration, or other negative emotions, especially when they have no other outlet

Expression - as a way to express emotional pain or turmoil

Attention - while self-harm is generally not an attention-seeking action, it can be a way to ask for help, or for their problems to be taken seriously

Lack of self-worth - self-harm can serve as a sort of punishment when someone doesn't feel 'good enough'.

Numbness - when someone feels numb or disconnected, they may self-harm as a way to feel , or to feel grounded.

We know we say this alot, but it's so important to remember: self-harm is a coping strategy, not something they're doing to get back at you, or anyone else in particular - this is about them and their struggle, whatever it may be, not about you. There is a bigger issue, whether it's immediately obvious or not, and that should be the focus of the conversation, not how it affects others.

Q: I've started the conversation, but where do I go from here?

A: You don't have to deal with this alone, and if you feel at a loss for what to do next, remember that there are countless resources set up to help with these exact situations. Here are a few things that may be helpful in making sure your child is safe, and in helping them implement positive coping strategies:

Encourage them to make a self-harm safety plan: You can find instructions on how to build a plan, along with an easy-to-follow template, in this post on our website. A safety plan is designed to remind someone of their options for support and positive coping strategies when they feel like they're a risk to themselves.

Discuss downloading an app like Calm Harm: There are a bunch of apps out there designed to help someone resist the urge to self-harm. Calm Harm offers a bunch of different suggestions based on what someone needs at the moment, such as comfort, a distraction, a release, or just to express themself. Youper is an app that lets you talk to artificial intelligence (although it feels like a real human being), and helps you identify how you're feeling. You can find an extensive list of resources like these here .

Call a helpline: You don't have to be in 'crisis-mode' to seek help, and there are helplines available for all kinds of situations - whether you're calling for yourself or someone else. YoungMinds offers a helpline specifically for parents. You can find an extensive list of helplines here , on our website.

While it's obviously your first thought to take care of your child in this situation, keep in mind that you are only able to support them so long as you yourself are healthy. Resources like the National Self Harm Network provide a space where anyone - friends, family, or concerned individuals - can seek support and discuss issues surrounding self-harm.

The most important thing to remember is that you don't have to deal with this alone, and neither does your child. If you can look at starting the conversation as the start of a journey - to more honest discussions, to more positive coping strategies, and to greater trust - you'll be better prepared to support your child through these confusing and frightening circumstances.

At the end of the day, the best thing you can do for your child is to listen to them, to trust them, and to believe them: validate their feelings even when they may seem inconsequential to you, acknowledge how hard those feelings are to express, and encourage them to seek out positive alternatives. Be there for them, even when they pull away, and let them know they are not alone.
Show Me More!
If you found this post helpful, check out some more of our Straight Up Advice.

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I think my child is self-harming - how can I help? - Heads Above The Waves

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If you think your child may be self-harming, you're likely feeling a mix of confusing emotions; you might be worried for your child's safety and wanting to help them, but also angry they would want to hurt themselves, and maybe also feeling guilty because you don't know what could possibly have made them so upset.

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Papyrus: Supporting your child with self-harm

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Papyrus: Supporting your child with self-harm

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You can sign up here to access a range of tools to help you cope and move forwards after crime. This is a free, safe, secure and confidential space where you can choose how you want to be supported after crime.

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Abuse is always wrong and it can be very difficult to talk about but you're never alone. If you're worried about abuse, find out what it is and who can help you.

What is abuse?

Abuse is often about power and the person who abuses you uses that power to get you to do things you don't want to do. It is hurtful either mentally or physically. Sexual abuse includes being touched, kissed or forced to have sex against your will and often by someone older than you.

Abuse isn't always carried out by a stranger and can be someone you know, which can make it feel hard to speak out about. Because they are known to you, if your family or others close to you don't know about the abuse, they will think it is safe to leave you with this person. This is why they need to know as soon as possible.

Abuse is always wrong. If you tell someone, they can help to make it stop.

There are different types of abuse:

Why you must get help

Abuse is always wrong and must be stopped. Apart from being horrible while it is happening, it can affect your life. Speaking out as soon as you can makes it less likely for you to have problems later.

If you have been abused you may:

be wary of adults

find it hard to trust people

have problems developing relationships

have difficulty concentrating

find that you are more irritable or emotional

do worse at school

have difficulties with trust when entering sexual relationships in the future

have low self-esteem, become depressed or anxious

be vulnerable to self-harm

Having one or more of these issues isn't necessarily the result of abuse; they can be caused by a number of things. But if you know you have suffered abuse, you should talk to your GP. They can spot if you are at risk of developing any of these problems and will be able to help you.

Getting help

Take the first step - you have to tell someone. Start with your family, but if the abuser is known to them you might want to speak to someone else you trust, like a teacher or your GP. Even if your GP knows this person they will be able to help you and they won't break your confidence.
If you are in immediate danger call 999.
If you feel you can't talk to people you already know, here are some services run by professionals who will know how to help you.

You might also find helpful...

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Abuse | What To Do If You Think You Experience Abuse

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Abuse is always wrong and it can be very difficult to talk about but you're never alone. If you're worried about abuse, find out what it is and who can help you. What is abuse? Abuse is often about power and the person who abuses you uses that power to get you to do things you don't want to do.

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NSPCC: Spotting the signs A guide for parents

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NSPCC: Spotting the signs A guide for parents

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Common signs of child abuse

Some common signs that there may be something concerning happening in a child's life include:

unexplained changes in behaviour or personality

becoming withdrawn

seeming anxious

becoming uncharacteristically aggressive

lacks social skills and has few friends, if any

poor bond or relationship with a parent

knowledge of adult issues inappropriate for their age

running away or going missing

always choosing to wear clothes which cover their body.

These signs don't necessarily mean that a child is being abused, there could be other things happening in their life which are affecting their behaviour - but we can help you to assess the situation.

You may also notice some concerning behaviour from adults who you know have children in their care, which makes you concerned for the child/children's safety and wellbeing.
Share your concerns

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The signs of child abuse can be hard to spot. We can help you to recognise the signs of abuse and support you if you have concerns about a child.

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Are you being bullied?

If you are being bullied, or you are not ready to make a report to CEOP, you can talk to Childline anonymously online or on the phone - No worry is too big or too small.

Visit Childline

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Are you being bullied? If you are being bullied, or you are not ready to make a report to CEOP, you can talk to Childline anonymously online or on the phone - No worry is too big or too small. Visit Childline

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We support LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and those questioning their sexual or gender identity) children, young people and their families in the UK.

All of our services strive to be safe and inclusive spaces for LGBTQ young people.

We provide direct support to LGBTQ children and young people around their gender and sexual identities. We also work with parents, carers and families.

Through our Positive Identities service we offer training to schools, professionals and community groups. Our training raises awareness of LGBTQ lives, promotes inclusion and tackles homophobic, biphobic and transphobic bullying.

Find out more and get advice.

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We support LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and those questioning their sexual or gender identity) children, young people and their families in the UK. All of our services strive to be safe and inclusive spaces for LGBTQ young people. We provide direct support to LGBTQ children and young people around their gender and sexual identities.

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Winston's Wish: Support with the death of a parent or sibling

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Winston's Wish: Support with the death of a parent or sibling

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Winston's Wish is the UK's childhood bereavement charity. We support children and their families after the death of someone important.

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Children and young people grieve just as much as adults but they show it in different ways. They learn how to grieve by copying the responses of the adults around them, and rely on adults to provide them with the support they need in their grief.
Further guidance that may be helpful:
How might bereaved children react and what may help?

Children and young people have a limited ability to put feelings and thoughts into words and tend to show feelings with behaviours rather than words. Reactions will vary greatly as children absorb and process information in different ways at different ages.

The following reactions are common, and are likely to settle over time with reassurance, acknowledging what has happened and their feelings, giving them clear and age-appropriate information, and keeping to normal routines.

Picking up on tension and distress

Children pick up on tension, distress or anxiety in adults, and may mirror this in their own behaviour. Even babies sense that something important is missing, and may cry more than usual. Children of all ages may be clingy or unsettled.

Appearing not to react

Children under 6 years old do not understand that death is permanent. Children cannot handle strong emotions for long periods, and may jump quickly in and out of grief ('puddle jumping'). When told that someone important has died, some children may look blank and ask 'can I play' or 'what's for tea?' They may have heard, but they are not able to process what that means yet. They may react later with sudden crying, outbursts, changes in behaviour or asking questions.

Asking questions and exploring what death means

Children may ask repeatedly: "When's Nanny coming back?" or "Where has she gone?" even though they've been told clearly what has happened. They may hunt everywhere for a 'lost' person, and so a clear explanation of what 'died' means may help. Children may play games where the person dies, or is still alive. They may seem fascinated with death, play-act about death or ask repeatedly about it. All of these are ways that children show that they are processing their understanding of what has happened.

Feeling anxious or insecure

When someone dies, a child's sense of safety is rocked. They may not want to leave you, and may cling to you or follow you everywhere. They may behave as if they are younger: being very quiet or tearful, having temper flare-ups, sucking their thumb, being reluctant to do things they used to do with confidence, or wetting the bed.

Try to keep to normal routines which will help them feel safe, and keep them informed about plans for the days ahead. Tell them who will take them to school or activities. If you need to leave them, tell them when you will be home, or who will be looking after them.
Include them in simple decision-making that affects them. If the person who died was ill, address any fears about the illness (for example that it is not catching), and reassure them that you are not ill and not leaving them.

Anger

Anger and other strong emotions are natural reactions to sad or shocking news, and some children and young people may not be able to understand or manage their own feelings. They may feel angry at the person who died, at family, at themselves or at the world in general.

It can help to tell them it is understandable for them to be angry, as long as they don't hurt themselves or anyone else. Safe ways to release anger include hitting cushions, vigorous physical exercise, messy painting sessions, or going outside to shout very loudly.

Another idea is a 'safe zone' where they can go to calm down. This could be a quiet corner with familiar items that help them to feel safe.

Looking after adults or feeling responsible

As children realise that death is permanent, they also become aware that it happens to other people including themselves. They may be protective and try to look after their important adults and siblings. They may feel that they were somehow responsible for the death.

Primary aged children may show 'magical thinking' where they think 'if I do this, Dad will come back'. They may behave very well to compensate for what's happened, or be less well-behaved because they feel angry or guilty.

Denying what has happened or taking risks

Bereavement can be overwhelming, and can bring huge changes, alongside other challenges that young people face as they grow up. They may want to forget or deny the death or how strongly they feel. They may feel 'what's the point?' with school or social activities. Some young people may be impulsive or take risks, in an attempt to get back some control in a life that for them currently feels very out of control.

What helps grieving children and young people

Every child is unique and will cope with the death of someone important in their own way. There is no magic formula but things that help include:

Clear, honest and age-appropriate information

Reassurance that they are not to blame and that different feelings are OK

Normal routines and a clear demonstration that important adults are there for them

Time to talk about what has happened, ask questions and build memories

Being listened to and given time to grieve in their own way

Further information

More about how children and young people grieve, and what helps:

Finding support

For many bereaved children and young people, they may get all the support they need from those already around them that they know and trust. However, some children and young people may need additional support depending on their situation.

Latest

Most read

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Short films delivered by our support practitioners giving guidance on a range of bereavement topics. Read more

A list of books and resources relating to grief and bereavement and what may help. Read more

Watch short films and read experiences of bereaved families and how support has helped them. Read more

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charity bereavement child death grief loss baby stillbirth miscarriage suicide young people

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Supporting bereaved children and young people

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Children and young people grieve just as much as adults but they show it in different ways. Find out how you can help them and more about child grieving.

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Grief can be overwhelming - you don’t have to deal with it alone. Cruse Bereavement Support is here. Call our helpline or chat online.

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Mindsmatter: Self referral for mental health support

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Mindsmatter: Self referral for mental health support

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Self-referral to Mindsmatter :: Lancashire and South Cumbria NHS Foundation Trust

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Self refer to a psychological talking therapy in Lancashire. We are part of the nationwide Improving Access to Psychological Therapies (IAPT) service, including counselling, cognitive behavioural therapy and online therapy.

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Crisis Line :: Lancashire and South Cumbria NHS Foundation Trust

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If you need urgent mental health support please call our crisis line, we are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

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Young Minds: For older children - self help guide

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Young Minds: For older children - self help guide

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What is anger?

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Three animated clouds are next to each other, the first cloud has lots of punching fists coming out if it with the words underneath highlighted in yellow: 'outward aggression'. The second cloud has marks on its cheeks, aiming punches towards itself with the words highlighted in yellow underneath 'inward aggression', the third cloud looks fed up and has thunderbolts around it, the words underneath highlighted in yellow read: 'passive aggression'.

Anger is one of a range of emotions that we all experience. It's ok and perfectly normal to feel angry about things that you have experienced.

Anger can start to become a problem when you express it through unhelpful or destructive behaviour - either towards yourself or other people. It can also contribute to you developing mental health problems, like depression and anxiety, or make existing problems worse.

If you find yourself doing these sorts of things, it might be a sign that you need some support:

hitting or physically hurting other people

shouting at people

breaking things

losing control

spending time with people who get you into trouble

constantly ending relationships or getting in trouble at school or work

Types of aggression

Do you often find yourself being aggressive towards other people?

Are you frightening or worrying yourself, or those around you with your behaviour?

Do you tell yourself that you hate yourself, that you're useless, that you don't deserve things?

Do you shut yourself off from the world, deny yourself things that make you happy or self-harm?

Do you behave passive-aggressively towards other people? Do you ignore people, refuse to speak to them, or are you often sarcastic or sulky?

Why do I feel angry?

Everyone feels angry sometimes - and we all have different triggers. You may experience anger in situations where you feel powerless, or frustrated. This could be because of problems at home or school, or if you've fallen out with a friend, or had a break-up with a partner. You might start to feel angry if you feel misunderstood by people around you, like your parents, or if you are confused about your sexuality.

But sometimes, you can feel angry and not know why. This could be the result of lots of stress and different pressures building up around you. Or it could be because of something that happened to you in the past, like neglect or abuse. Recognising the types of situations which trigger your anger is the first step to figuring out what is causing it, and finding a way to make things better.
What happened the last time you were angry? We asked several people what anger feels like for them, and how they manage it.

How can anger affect me?

When we get angry, it can be hard to think things through - especially if that anger seems overwhelming or uncontrollable. And if we feel angry a lot of the time - in other words, if we get into constant patterns of thinking angry thoughts about ourselves or others - it's hard to take a step back and communicate in a healthy and productive way.

We may tense up and clench our teeth. Our hearts might pump faster, our stomachs might churn, and we may clench our fists. These are useful early warning signs that we are getting wound up.

Sometimes, it can be difficult to recognise just how much anger you are feeling, and how it is affecting you. This might be because you have lots of things going on in your life.

After getting angry about something you might start to feel guilty about it, and this can make you feel worse.

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The same young person wearing a black t-shirt holds three signs. The signs read:

Here are things I do when I feel myself getting angry.

1. First of all, take a breath
2. Exercise helps me get some built-up frustration out of my system

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The same young person wearing a grey jumper holds three signs. The signs read:

Here are things I do when I feel myself getting angry

1. I talk about how I am feeling
2. I try and recognise I'm angry and listen to others

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The same young person has long brown hair and wears a yellow jumper, they hold three signs which read:

Here are things I do when I feel myself getting angry

1. Putting on my favourite music really helps
2. Doing an action that helps me feel something different, like walking my dog

Tips for managing your anger

Issues with anger can lead to risky behaviour, refusing to go to school, isolation, eating problems, depression, and self-harm.

Drinking too much alcohol or taking drugs might be seen as ways of coping with anger issues, but remember they will make you feel worse and are likely to create bigger problems later.

Over time, you'll learn to manage your anger better yourself. When you feel angry or stressed you can try out different relaxation techniques to help you calm down, such as:

going for a walk

listening to music

taking deep breaths

doing some exercise

doing something you enjoy - skateboarding, painting, swimming

talking to someone about how you are feeling

playing computer games to take your mind off it

reading a book

having a hot bath

If you have a problem with someone, think about what you want to say beforehand and how you want to get your point across. Listen to their point of view and calmly put yours across too.

If you feel your anger levels rising, walk away from a situation to calm down, rather than saying or doing something you might regret later. You can learn to manage your anger and find techniques that work for you.

Our Activists share their anger management tips:

Read real stories about dealing with anger

Getting help for anger

If you often feel angry there are things you can do to help yourself. Other people can help too.

Talk about how you are feeling. Parents or carers and other family members, such as grandparents, may be good listeners. Your close friends and other family friends may be able to help.

At school, find a teacher, mentor, counsellor or school nurse who you trust. In the community, social workers, youth workers and leaders will also be able to listen.

You can also see your GP. They may be able to suggest some treatment or recommend a counsellor.

Your GP may refer you to your child and adolescent mental health service (CAMHS) where you would talk to a specialist about your feelings and behaviour. The specialist may advise you how to deal with these. They may also suggest counselling if there are problems or things that happened in the past that may be causing your anger issues now.

If counselling is your best option, the specialist arranges a series of confidential one-to-one sessions with a counsellor or therapist.

You can talk with them about concerns or problems you might have. The counsellor will help you work through your issues and give you skills and strategies to deal with your anger better. Find out more about what support you can get through counselling on our page.

If you are a parent or carer of a child or young person who has anger issues, take a look at our parents guide to anger advice page. We can also support you through our Parents Helpline. We are here to listen to you, and give you free, confidential advice and information.

Keep a note of how you're feeling:

What happened that made you angry?

How did you respond? Did it help?

How did you feel afterwards?

What else is on your mind? Is there something making you feel worried, scared or alone?

It helps to talk about how you're feeling. You could try saying:

"I've been feeling really wound up recently and I'm starting to think something might be wrong. Can I talk to you about it?"

"I want to talk to you about something that's been bothering me."

Here are some organisations and helpline services who can support you with what you're going through right now.

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right now and want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

This form is anonymous. Please do not include personal details like your name or email address. As this form is anonymous, you will not receive a reply. If you would like us to reply, you can contact us instead at ymenquiries@youngminds.org.uk.

We only monitor responses during working hours, Monday to Friday.
At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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What To Do If You Are Struggling With Anger

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We all feel angry sometimes, often for a good reason. But sometimes, we might be feeling angry a lot, or find it becomes uncontrollable or harmful.

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Young Minds: Supporting Children with Anger

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Young Minds: Supporting Children with Anger

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Anger is a normal and healthy reaction when things don't go the way we expected, life feels unfair or people upset or hurt us. It can be a helpful thing - letting us know that something is wrong or not okay with us.

It's normal for children and young people to find it difficult to manage their angry feelings sometimes, and it's helpful to remember that the part of our brain that helps us do this doesn't fully develop until we're in our mid-20s.

Anger can become a problem for your child if it feels overwhelming or unmanageable, makes them unhappy, affects their relationships or is expressed through unhelpful or destructive behaviours - towards either themselves or other people.

Angry feelings and aggressive behaviour can be really hard to deal with as a parent, and can have a huge effect on family life. If you're going through this, remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There are things you can do to make the situation better, and places where you can find support if you need to. Here, we've got strategies you can use to help you respond and advice on when to seek further help and where to get it.

When I'm angry I feel a lot of self-hate and worthlessness. I also feel a build-up of energy.

What is anger like for young people?

Three clouds expressing different emotions. The first cloud is throwing punches outwardly (Outward aggression). The second cloud is throwing punches towards itself (Inward aggression). The third cloud is displaying a dull-like expression while surrounded by lightning bolts (Passive aggression).

If your child can't tell you in words, they will often use their behaviour to let you know how they're feeling. A young person who is feeling angry may:

be outwardly aggressive - acting aggressively towards other people, including shouting, hitting or breaking things

be inwardly aggressive - hurting themselves, for example by self-harming, or being very self-critical

be passively aggressive - withdrawing, ignoring people, being sarcastic or sulking

feel things in their body like a racing heart, feeling hot or tensing their muscles - for example clenching their fists

seem tense, unable to relax or easily irritated

find it difficult to concentrate.

An iceberg submerged in water, with the text 'When we seem angry or aggressive, there are often other feelings hidden under the surface'. The words Angry and Aggressive are displayed on the section of the iceberg above the water, and the words Worried, Hurt, Scared, Lonely, Stressed, Overwhelmed, Ashamed, Ignored, Sad are displayed on the iceberg below the water.

Underneath these behaviours, a young person who seems very angry may also be feeling things like fear, stress, sadness, hurt or worry - or might be struggling to cope with a difficult experience at school, at home or in another part of their life that they feel unable to talk about.

It can be helpful to remember that a person who's feeling angry a lot of the time probably isn't feeling very happy - and while it might not be obvious, what they often need is support. Supporting children and young people to put their feelings into words can help them to feel less overwhelming, making it less likely that they will need to act out.

For some young people, feeling more irritable or angrier than usual can be a sign that they are struggling with low mood, depression or anxiety - especially if it goes on for a long period of time without changing.

A young person describes what anger's like for them.

How can I respond to my child in the moment when they get angry?

How can I help my child manage angry feelings positively?

In a calm moment, try to explore what's making them angry, focusing on letting them talk and listening to what it's like for them. Trust your instincts about picking the right moment, and remember that you know your child better than most people.

You can find more tips on our guide to starting a conversation with your child.

It might help to text, write a letter, go for a walk together or do an activity while you're talking to help them relax. You could also try spending five or ten minutes checking in with them each evening to encourage them to open up.

Recognising the triggers and patterns that alert them to the fact that they're getting angry can help them to take action before it becomes overwhelming. Keeping a diary or journal may make it easier for both of you to think this through - and apps such as ThinkNinja (for 10-18-year-olds) and HeadSpace can help them to track their feelings. This video by Braive might also help you to understand how stress and overwhelming feelings can build up in a person's life.

Some young people will find relaxing techniques useful. This could be things like:

meditating

listening to music

colouring or drawing

taking deep breaths or doing a breathing technique

Teenagers might like to do this using a mindfulness or meditation app such as Headspace or Calm. Often, people who are feeling angry breathe in more than they breathe out - so a good trick is to focus on breathing out for a few counts longer than they breath in, which can help their body to relax.

Some young people will find active techniques useful. This could be things like:

punching a pillow

throwing a ball

ripping or screwing up newspaper

playing sport

running or going for a walk

Young people tell us it helps to:

think of the bigger picture: will this bother me in a year?

try and say why you're angry, and remember that time alone to calm yourself down is okay.

take some time to think about how your actions are affecting others, and try to remember people are usually trying to help you.

apologise if you have harmed someone - and if you have hurt yourself, apologise to yourself.

figure out why you reacted like that so you can recognise it next time before it's too late.

tell someone if they've made you angry, or talk to someone else about it.

remind yourself that the emotion is valid.

Our Parents Helpline team share advice on how to respond to anger.

Where can I find professional help?

It's a good idea to seek professional advice if:

your child's anger is consistently affecting their day-to-day life, wellbeing, mental health, relationships or experience at home or school - or the day-to-day life of your family.

you've tried strategies for at least four weeks and nothing seems to work, or their outbursts of anger feel unmanageable and last for a long time.

they are expressing their anger through destructive behaviours towards themselves or others - including self-harm or physically hurting other people.

There are different places where you can find help for your child. Your GP, your child's school and considering whether counselling or therapy might help are good places to start.

Your GP can discuss your concerns with you and, if needed, refer your child for more support - including Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS).

Sometimes, challenging or aggressive behaviour can be a sign of an additional need or developmental difficulty, such as autism or difficulties hearing or speaking, which your child may need specialist help with. If you think this could be the case, speak to your GP or your child's school to discuss whether they need a referral for an assessment.

You can find out more about speaking to GPs, finding a counsellor or therapist, accessing CAMHS, getting help from your child's school and finding local services on our guide to getting help for your child.

If your child becomes so angry that they are being verbally or physically aggressive and you feel unsafe, it's important that you reach out for help.

In these situations:

If it is safe for you and your child, remove yourself and any other family members from the situation.

If it's not safe to do so, and you feel that you or anyone else are at immediate risk of harm, warn your child that if the aggression does not stop you will contact the police.

Follow through if they do not stop. Call 999 if there is a danger to life or violence is being used or threatened. Call 101 if you want to discuss the situation with your local police officer.

Calling the police to intervene in a situation that involves your child is an incredibly difficult thing for any parent to have to do. However, this may be the only course of action if your safety, or the safety of other family members, is in question. You might feel worried about getting your child into trouble, but they won't automatically get a criminal record and it's important to put your safety first. The police can be supportive about responding to mental health issues and may be able to advise you about next steps.

Looking after yourself as a parent

As a parent or carer, we often put our children first, no matter how old they are - but it's so important that you remember to look after yourself too. If you have ever flown on a plane you may remember the flight attendant saying that in times of difficulty you need to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others - and the same applies here.

If your child is acting out, remember that it can be because they see you as a safe person who they can express their feelings with, trusting that you will love them no matter what - and that it isn't necessarily about you.

Use the family and friends around you - whether it's for a catch-up or having someone to watch the kids so you can have a break.

These are some things that can help you take care of yourself:

You might also find helpful...

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

This page was reviewed in April 2021. It was created with a parent or carer with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with anger. We will next review the page in 2024. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

If you need non-urgent information and advice about your child's mental health, you can use our Parents Helpline.

This form is anonymous. Please do not include personal details like your name or email address. As this form is anonymous, you will not receive a reply. If you would like us to reply, you can contact us instead at ymenquiries@youngminds.org.uk.

We only monitor responses during working hours, Monday to Friday.
At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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If you need support to respond to your child's anger or aggression, read our tips on how to respond and where to seek further help.

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A decent night's sleep will help children to learn more effectively and make them less susceptible to minor ailments,

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What is Low Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves. When we have healthy self-esteem, we tend to feel positive about ourselves and about life in general. When our self-esteem is low, we tend to see ourselves and our life in a more negative and critical way.

If you have low self-esteem you may feel:

Like you hate or dislike yourself

Worthless or not good enough

Unable to make decisions or assert yourself

Feel like no one likes you

Blame yourself for things that aren't your fault

Unable to recognise your strengths

Undeserving of happiness

Low in confidence

We all have times when we lack confidence and don't feel good about ourselves, but when low self-esteem becomes a long-term problem, it can have a harmful effect on our mental health and our lives.

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Low Self Esteem / Confidence | East London NHS Foundation Trust

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Self-esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves. When we have healthy self-esteem, we tend to feel positive about ourselves and about life in general. When our self-esteem is low, we tend to see ourselves and our life in a more negative and critical way.

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When we talk about self-esteem
we're often talking about lots of different things, such as:

confidence- if we are struggling with our self-esteem, we may not feel confident doing things, even if we have done them before and know we can do them

how much we recognise and value the skills we have, like if we are good at a subject at school, at making people laugh, or our hobbies

how able we feel to share our opinions and ideas, and whether we believe what we have to say matters and is worth other people hearing

how comfortable we are with getting things 'wrong' and our ability to brush things off and realise that our mistakes and 'failures' do not define us

how we treat ourselves, and if we are kind to ourselves and practise self-care

how we think and feel about ourselves physically, also known as our body image. Read our guide on body image for tips and advice on feeling comfortable with how you look

You are amazing, unique, and you have brilliant talents that no one else has.

When we believe in ourselves, feel comfortable in our bodies and have the confidence to share our thoughts with others, these can be signs of having good self-esteem.

But sometimes, feeling confident can be tough. We might have negative thoughts about ourselves, worrying that we aren't good enough or that we could've done things better. Often this is because we are comparing ourselves negatively to others, and feeling like we aren't as good as them or focussing on all the things we don't have that our friends seem to.

If you are having these negative thoughts with your confidence, that's okay. Lots of us struggle with these feelings too sometimes - you are not alone.

There are so many things you can do. Find hobbies and passions that you enjoy. Try hanging out with people who make you feel better about yourself.

Setting yourself small goals and achieving them can help you see how capable you are. This might be trying a new hobby, wearing a new outfit, or just getting dressed for the day. Whatever it is, it's important to celebrate your achievements and give yourself the credit you deserve.

Take time to do things you enjoy

Whether it is drawing, taking part in a sport or going for a walk, taking time to do things that make you feel good can help you switch off and relax. Find out the different ways you can take time out.

Finding the right people for you

Sometimes, low self-esteem can come from others who might make comments about you. You might not always realise how the people around you are making you feel. By reflecting on how people are treating you, you can start to see who makes you feel good and spend more time with them. Remember, people value you for many different reasons.

By focusing on the positives and taking note of the good things about yourself, you can celebrate what makes you, you.

If you're really struggling with low self-esteem and negative feelings about yourself, talk to someone you trust, like a family member, teacher or school nurse.

If you are struggling with low self-esteem and it's making you feel anxious, low in mood or is stopping you from doing everyday things, like eating, sleeping, or going to school or work, you could talk to your GP. They can tell you what support might be available to you in your area.

Our Activists share their tips on what helped them feel better about themselves:

More tips, advice and real stories if you're struggling with your self-esteem

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right now and want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Self-esteem and Believing in Yourself | Tips and Advice

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Self-esteem is how you think and feel about yourself. Find out how to believe in yourself and boost your self-esteem if you are struggling.

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Advice for parents and carers to help keep children safe from bullying, wherever it happens.

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Are you being bullied?

If you are being bullied, or you are not ready to make a report to CEOP, you can talk to Childline anonymously online or on the phone - No worry is too big or too small.

Visit Childline

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Are you being bullied? If you are being bullied, or you are not ready to make a report to CEOP, you can talk to Childline anonymously online or on the phone - No worry is too big or too small. Visit Childline

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When you’re feeling down or unsure about something it can really help to talk to someone you trust. Find out more about getting help.

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People contact us with all sorts of concerns and what might be a small issue to you may be huge to someone else.

You could be going through something new or have been struggling to cope for some time, either way, we're here if you feel you need some extra support.

If what's getting to you isn't on this list, please still get in touch.

Common reasons people contact us are:

relationship and family problems

loss, including loss of a friend or a family member through bereavement

financial worries

job-related stress

college or study-related stress

loneliness and isolation

depression

painful and/or disabling physical illness

heavy use of or dependency on alcohol or other drugs

thoughts of suicide

We won't make decisions for you, and we'll support the decisions you make.

You are the expert on your own life. Our advice or opinions are not important.

If you want advice, we may be able to give you contact details for organisations that specialise in helping with specific problems and situations.

Calling from some landlines
All UK mobile phone networks and telephone providers have confirmed to us that Samaritans' 116 123 number is available and free to call from landlines and mobiles.

However, some offices, organisations and care homes have restrictions on the types of numbers that can be dialled; this means that if you try call us from an office phone, you might get a busy tone or message saying that it is an unrecognised number.

If you're unable to change the settings of your phone system, you can also call 116 123 for free from any UK mobile. Another option is to call 0330 094 5717 (local call charges will apply and will appear on your bill).
Has Samaritans' UK helpline number changed?
Yes, in September 2015, we launched a our new UK helpline number, 116 123. (It replaces our old UK helpline number, 08457 90 90 90.) Our listening service is exactly the same.

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Whatever you're going through, call us free any time, from any phone, on 116 123.

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Become a member Access therapy Helping your child Get help Living with anxiety can be challenging, however, you're not alone - we're here for you. Join us now to get an extensive package of support and to become part of a community of people who live with and understand anxiety.

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It's normal for children and young people to feel worried about something that's happening at school - for example, when starting a new school or during exams. Sometimes, however, school can become challenging, stressful or distressing over a much longer period of time.

If your child is feeling anxious about school, or not able to go, it can be exhausting for both of you. Mornings in particular can become really stressful for the whole family, as you try to juggle your child's feelings alongside the need to get them to school and get on with your other responsibilities such as work. Even if you manage to get your child to the school gate, you might know how difficult they're going to find the day - or know that you'll be facing the same problem tomorrow morning.

If you're in this situation, we've got advice to help you explore what's going on with your child, make changes at school that can help, and find the support you need if your child can't go to school.

Young people can feel anxious about school for lots of different reasons. They might be worried about making friends or fitting in, find schoolwork or lessons confusing, feel pressured to learn in a certain way or find their relationships with teachers difficult.

Sometimes, going through difficult experiences outside of school - such as bereavement, an illness in the family or being a young carer - can also make it harder for a child to feel settled at school.

For some young people, the school environment isn't right for them, and trying to fit into it can create a huge amount of stress. This might be the case if they are struggling with their mental health, or have a neurodiverse condition or Special Educational Need (SEN) such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia or dyspraxia. This can make the school environment anxiety-provoking and exhausting, especially if their condition or need is undiagnosed or not being well supported.

Young people might show they're feeling anxious about school by:

not wanting to get up and get ready

saying they can't go

worrying a lot about small issues, such as having the right equipment for a lesson

feeling sick, or having stomach aches or headaches

not sleeping well

not doing schoolwork, or their grades dropping

being angry or upset, or acting out - at school or at home

withdrawing - seeming low, quiet or depressed

It's often difficult for your child to articulate the problem. They may be in a heightened state of stress and not know why or feel able to explain. Your child probably wants to feel able to be in school, just as much as you want them to be there. In many cases it just doesn't feel possible.

Sometimes it can be difficult to work out what's making your child feel anxious, and the first step is often helping them to identify exactly what's worrying them. Once you understand the problem, you'll be in a much better position to make changes that can help.

Young people can find it hard to explain what's causing their feelings, and might not be able to answer direct questions like 'what's going on?' Using an anxiety iceberg can help to open up the conversation - giving you a more relaxed way of exploring together what's causing their anxiety.

Watch our video to find out how to make an anxiety iceberg with your child.

If you're making an anxiety iceberg with younger children, you might want to draw images on the iceberg, or encourage them to write simple words. With older children and teenagers, you can ask them to write key words and phrases on the iceberg, or do this as a mind map, with 'school' in the middle and all the things they're finding difficult around the outside.

Through this exercise, you might identify worries such as arriving at school, finding the environment noisy or overwhelming, finding lessons confusing, feeling lonely through the day, or feeling uncomfortable during specific subjects.

Once you understand what's going on for your child, you can use their anxiety iceberg or mind map to communicate with the school and ask for specific changes.

Follow these steps to start a conversation with the school:

Here are some examples of things you can ask the school for:

Remember that even though this situation can be really tough for you and your child, it's a good idea to maintain a positive relationship with the school. Recognise the support they're offering and any changes they're making. This will help you work together to make things better for your child.

Building a relationship with the attendance team at my son's school was hugely helpful, we were talking with them each day.

If your child isn't going to school at the moment, it might feel incredibly stressful and tiring. You might be worried about when they will be able to get back to school or the impact on their education. Or you might feel overwhelmed because you're juggling this alongside work and other family commitments. Things are probably feeling tough for your child too.

During this time, it's important to keep working with teachers and other staff to try strategies that can help your child get back to school. Keep encouraging them to take achievable steps towards attending too. When the right support is in place, it's often easier for a young person to get back into their usual routine if they can return to school as quickly as possible.

If your child's anxiety about school has built up to the point where they can't go, it's a good idea to get them some professional mental health or SEN support. Find out how to do this further down the page.

Alongside requesting professional help, try to:

The school's SEN and attendance policies should be on their website. Knowing what these are can support you during meetings with the school.

This can help if your child is unable to go to school for a longer period of time and you need to ask for more support, including provision of alternative full-time education.

Encourage your child to get up, do some studying and stop for lunch at the same times they would if they were in school. This will make adapting back to school easier. Explain to your child that if they cannot go to school, they will need to study at home - at least until alternative arrangements are put in place. Ask the school to help you facilitate tasks and activities your child can do and use online resources such as BBC Bitesize.

Not going to school could leave your child feeling really isolated. Make sure they stay connected to the outside world by seeing friends and family, doing activities they enjoy and getting outside for walks and exercise.

Speaking to friends online can be really important if your child is feeling isolated at home. Sometimes, however, you might notice that your child is spending lots of time gaming or on their phone, and that this is getting in the way of important daily activities like spending quality time with family, learning, or sleeping and eating well. If this is becoming a problem, have a look at our guide to gaming or guide to social media for more information and advice.

Local authorities must provide alternative education if a child of compulsory school age is unable to attend school over a longer period of time. If your child cannot attend school because of a mental or physical health issue, the local authority should provide an alternative as soon as it is clear that they will be away from school for more than 15 days (either consecutively or over time). Find out how to request alternative education.

Getting back to school after weeks or months may feel extremely difficult for your child, but you and the school can help make it more manageable. Here are some things you can do to help:

Set small, achievable targets, such as visiting the building outside school hours or attending one lesson.

Request a home visit from a school staff member so your child can check in while feeling safe, see that the school cares and discuss any strategies that might help them.

Ask for a reduced timetable, with regular reviews to discuss building back up at a manageable rate.

Discuss changing classes or sets if your child thinks this would help.

Focus on qualifications needed for what your child wants to do next, perhaps dropping a less relevant GCSE to reduce stress.

My son wasn't questioned about his absence when he did feel able to pop in for favourite lessons, helping to ease him back into full days of education.

If your child is struggling with anxiety and it's affecting their day-to-day life, learning or relationships, it's a good idea to find some professional support. Speaking to the GP and finding them a counsellor or therapist are two good places to start. You can find more information about GPs, counsellors and other mental health services in our guide to getting support from mental health services.

If there is no other obvious reason for your child's inability to attend school, they may have an undiagnosed Special Educational Need (SEN) such as dyslexia, autism or ADHD.

If you think this is the case:

Speak to the school's SENCO or your GP to ask for a referral for an assessment.

While you are waiting for an assessment, you can also ask the SENCO to refer your child for support from other professionals, such as an Educational Psychologist or Speech and Language Therapist. These professionals can identify specific needs and make recommendations for additional support the school can put in place - even if your child hasn't had a formal diagnosis yet.

SEN support at school
If your child is diagnosed with SEN, extra support and adjustments should be put in place at school to help them attend and learn. This is called SEN support, and should be available within the school's existing resources. Speak to the school's SENCO in the first instance about how the school will support your child.
Education, Health and Care (EHC) plans
If you do not think your child's needs can be met by the school's existing resources, you can ask the local authority to carry out an Education, Health and Care needs assessment (EHC needs assessment). If the local authority decides your child needs additional support, they will then make an Education, Health and Care plan (EHC plan). This outlines how the extra support they need will be provided. Find out more about EHC plans.
Your Local Offer
Your Local Offer is the information, support and services available for young people with SEN, and for their parents and families. You can find out what support is available in your area by going to your local authority's website and searching for their Local Offer.

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

We have more tips and advice on supporting your child with school, and information about how you can get in touch with our Parents Helpline.
This page was reviewed in December 2022. It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with school anxiety. We will next review the page in 2025. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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School Anxiety and Refusal | Parent Guide to Support

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If your child is anxious about school, or refusing to go to school at all, read our tips and advice on how you can support their mental health.

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Young Minds: Supporting your child with anxiety

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Young Minds: Supporting your child with anxiety

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What is anxiety?

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, fear or unease. It is often experienced as a combination of thoughts, feelings and physical sensations in our body.

All children and young people feel worried sometimes. This is a normal, human reaction to things that feel stressful. For example, before an exam a young person may feel more worried than usual. But they will soon feel calmer after the stressful event has passed.

Anxiety becomes a problem when a child or young person feels stuck in it. When this happens, it can become an overwhelming experience. It can also affect their daily life and limit the things they feel able to do.

If your child or young person is struggling with anxiety, there are things you can do to help them. We've got advice to help you provide reassuring support, work on strategies together and find professional help if they need it.

What makes young people anxious?

A child or young person may be anxious for different reasons. Feeling a bit more worried sometimes is normal and there is not always a clear reason for this. But if your child is feeling unmanageable amounts of anxiety, this is often a sign that something in their life isn't quite right. They may need support to work out what the problem is.

This video by St Catherine's College is a useful way of understanding how stress and anxiety might build up in a person's life.

The following kinds of things can make some children and young people feel anxious:

finding school difficult or experiencing school anxiety

being around someone else who is very anxious, such as a parent

going through a significant change, such as moving house, parents separating or changing school

the death or illness of a close family member or friend

having lots of responsibility, for example caring for other people in their family

experiencing family stress around things like housing, money and debt

going through experiences in which they do not feel safe, such as being bullied, witnessing or experiencing abuse, or experiencing discrimination such as racism, homophobia or transphobia

not getting the right support or having their needs recognised if they have a neurodiverse condition such as autism or ADHD

Signs of anxiety in children and young people

Anxiety often affects our body, thoughts, feelings and behaviour. A child or young person who is struggling with anxiety may also behave differently or start using coping mechanisms to try to manage or avoid the anxiety. Below are some of the signs to look out for in children and young people.

Young people share their experience of anxiety.

How to help your child or young person when they feel panicky

In a very anxious moment, your child or young person may feel frightened or worried about having a panic attack. If this happens, focus on helping them to calm down and feel safe. The strategies below can help.

Breathe slowly and deeply together

Show/hide caption

A hand with five fingers spread. A pointed finger shows instructions for moving around each finger with the words 'Breathe in' as you move upwards, and 'Breathe out' as you move downwards.

Together, hold your hands out in front of you. Trace the outline of each of your fingers slowly with your other hand. Breathe in as you go up each finger, and out as you come down. Move and breathe as slowly as feels comfortable. Over time, encourage your child or young person to breathe out for one or two counts longer than they breathe in. This can help their body to relax.

If you would like to have a copy of this technique with you, you can download and print our resource.

Try using all five senses together

Show/hide caption

A picture of eyes, an ear, a hand, a nose and a mouth. Text reads next to each one: "5 things you can see. 4 things you can hear. 3 things you can touch. 2 things you can smell. 1 thing you can taste."

Connecting with what we can see, touch, hear, smell and taste is sometimes called 'grounding'. Doing grounding techniques can make us feel more present and bring us back into our body. This can reduce the intensity of our anxiety. Think together about what they can see, touch, hear, smell and taste.

For example, they might notice: five different colours; four soft things in the room; three sounds like cars going past the window or the noise of the washing machine; two things they can smell, like a scented candle or a piece of fruit; and one thing they find soothing to eat.

If you would like to have a copy of this technique with you, you can download and print our resource.

Remember, you don't need to do all of these things each time. Everyone is different, and it's about figuring out which of these strategies suits them best.

After they have calmed down, it can help to remind them that the panicky feeling did not last forever. They were able to do things that helped and the feeling stopped.

How to help your child or young person manage their anxiety

As well as managing panicky moments, your child or young person can also learn how to deal with their anxiety over the longer-term.

Many of these strategies are about helping them to understand how their anxiety works and what helps them. The more confident they feel about this, the more they will believe in their ability to cope. This can make anxiety feel more manageable.

As you think about strategies you might try, always remind yourself you're doing your best. It's natural to feel a bit overwhelmed sometimes. But remember, you do not need to try five different things at once. Have a look through these suggestions and pick one or two things you think might help.

There are some daily activities that are really important for our mental health. These are:

physical exercise, or some movement

sleeping well

eating healthily

drinking water

connecting and spending quality time with loved ones

They might sound simple, but they can have a big effect on our mood. Regular exercise can be particularly important because it can help to reduce feelings of anxiety in the body. It doesn't have to be much - walking or gentle yoga can help.

If you have a teenager or young adult, reducing alcohol and caffeinated drinks such as coffee can help. This is because they can trigger the physical symptoms of anxiety.

Some children and young people will need support from a mental health professional. They may benefit from a specific diagnosis or a treatment such as talking therapy. You can find more information about this below.

Young people tell us it also helps to...

think about something you're looking forward to

imagine your thoughts leaving your brain and floating off into the sky

keep yourself occupied

have time out

reflect on how you're feeling

talk to other people you trust

remind yourself you're not alone - odds are someone in your friendship circle has anxiety or depression too

Finding professional help

You might also find helpful...

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Supporting A Child With Anxiety | Tips and Advice

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If your child or teenager is struggling with anxiety, we've got information about signs and treatment, and practical strategies you can do together.

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Just as your body can become unwell, your mind can become unwell too. And just like with physical illnesses, treatment and support is available. Use our guides to find out more about different mental health conditions, how to cope with your feelings and what support is available to you.

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Mental Health Conditions | Signs and Symptoms | YoungMinds

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Use our guides to find out more about different mental health conditions, how to cope with your feelings and what support is available to you.

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Young Minds: A to Z of Mental Health Support Guides for parents

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Young Minds: A to Z of Mental Health Support Guides for parents

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Our A-Z guide gives you advice on how to help your child with their feelings and behaviour, as well as mental health conditions and life events. We'll also show you where you can get help.

For information and advice on the cost-of-living crisis, including where to find financial support for you and your family, read our guide to money and mental health.

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Parents' A-Z Mental Health Guide | Mental Health Advice

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Our A-Z guide to support has information and advice on how to help your child with specific mental health conditions, and difficult feelings & life events.

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Childline: Managing Stress and Anxiety Video

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Childline: Managing Stress and Anxiety Video

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We're all different, and there are many different feelings we can experience, at different times. Some are more well known than others, such as `Excitement' or `Anger', but some can be harder to understand, like Anxiety.

Millions of years ago we relied on Anxiety to keep us out of harm's way. At the slightest sign of danger our bodies would bring on this uneasy, urgent feeling to jolt us into action or get us to RUN AWAY!

These days our bodies still try to protect us, but life's evolved.

There are a load more things to worry about and they have a habit of piling up without us noticing.

Anxiety can feel like all kinds of things that twisted, shaky feeling in your stomach or the strange nervousness that makes you want to hide away from the world. It can make you tired, frustrated and upset.

Anxiety can start as a simple worry but grow into a panic! And convince you that you're losing it altogether. It can make you scared, restless, speed up your heart but give no explanations as to why it's happening.

It might not feel like it, but anxiety is completely natural and can affect anybody, for all kinds of reasons like exam stress, family troubles, new places or a mixture of things.
It can even come for no apparent reason, but the good news is that you can reduce it, and the first step is to talk about it.

Talking about how you feel is a great way to feel better. You don't have to face things alone. So if you ever want to get stuff off your chest, then you can contact Childline. They're there to listen.

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We're all different, and there are many different feelings we can experience, at different times. Some are more well known than others, such as `Excitement' or `Anger', but some can be harder to understand, like Anxiety. Millions of years ago we relied on Anxiety to keep us out of harm's way.

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Pre & Primary

Are you worrying about your child who may be struggling after a bereavement? Here is some information for you that we hope can support your child through this extremely challenging time.

We support children who are struggling and here are some of the services we can offer you:

The grieftalk helpline

One to one counselling

Group counselling

Therapeutic workshops

Fun days out

Residential

Choir

Free grief resources

We want you to know that we are a click or call away on the grieftalk helpline, where you will receive a warm and listening ear. Take a look at our Grief Guides to read more on how grief can be experienced at this age and some guidance.

Contact Us Now

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Are you worrying about your child who may be struggling after a bereavement? Here is some information for you that we hope can support your child through this extremely challenging time.

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Self esteem is something we feel inside but is influenced by lots of things and lots of people. It is an ongoing thing that is built over time.

It's really important you have a healthy self esteem because it affects everything about how you think feel and behave. Self esteem has a big impact on your mental health and your future.

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Self esteem is something we feel inside but is influenced by lots of things and lots of people. It is an ongoing thing that is built over time. It's really important you have a healthy self esteem because it affects everything about how you think feel and behave.

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Bullying advice for parents | Bullying UK | Family Lives

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If your child is being bullied, read our advice on how to support them. You can also chat to us online for support

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Who's in Charge: Child to Parent Violence

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Who's in Charge: Child to Parent Violence

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Lancashire Women: Covers a range of mental health needs including finances, employment support and justice

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Lancashire Women: Covers a range of mental health needs including finances, employment support and justice

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How can Lancashire Women support you?

Lancashire Women are a leading charity, supporting an average of 5000 people each year in Lancashire to improve their lives and push through the barriers they face.

We offer support with employment support, mental health and wellbeing support ( 1 to 1 sessions and group sessions), money advice and energy advice. We also have a Justice & Safety team who work with women in the justice system or women who might face homelessness or domestic abuse.

We have four venues in Accrington, Blackpool, Burnley and Blackburn. We also offer virtual 1 to 1 support (via Phone/Whats App), group support and outreach support at venues including Preston, Chorley, Lancaster and Skelmersdale.

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We are working towards a Lancashire where all women and girls are valued and treated as equals, and are empowered to be able to transform their lives.

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If you’re worried about coping with family tensions or managing arguments, we’ve got tips and advice for you.

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Just like adults, children and young people feel worried and anxious at times.
But if your child's anxiety is starting to affect their wellbeing, they may need some help.

What makes children anxious?

Children can feel anxious about different things at different ages. Many of these worries are a normal part of growing up.

From the age of around 6 months to 3 years it's very common for young children to have separation anxiety. They may become clingy and cry when separated from their parents or carers. This is a normal stage in a child's development and should stop at around age 2 to 3.

It's also common for preschool-age children to develop specific fears or phobias. Common fears in early childhood include animals, insects, storms, heights, water, blood and the dark. These fears usually go away gradually on their own.

There may also be other times in a child's life when they feel anxious. For example, many children feel anxious when going to a new school or before tests and exams. Some children feel shy in social situations and may need support with this.

When is anxiety a problem for children?

Anxiety becomes a problem for children when it starts to get in the way of their everyday life.

If you go into any school at exam time, all the children will be anxious, but some may be so anxious that they do not manage to get to school that morning.

Severe anxiety like this can harm children's mental and emotional wellbeing, affecting their self-esteem and confidence. They may become withdrawn and go to great lengths to avoid things or situations that make them feel anxious.

What are the signs of anxiety in children?

When young children feel anxious, they cannot always understand or express what they are feeling. You may notice that they:

become irritable, tearful or clingy

have difficulty sleeping

wake in the night

start wetting the bed

have bad dreams

In older children you may notice that they:

lack confidence to try new things or seem unable to face simple, everyday challenges

find it hard to concentrate

have problems with sleeping or eating

have angry outbursts

have a lot of negative thoughts, or keep thinking that bad things are going to happen

start avoiding everyday activities, such as seeing friends, going out in public or going to school

Find out more about the symptoms of anxiety on our page about anxiety disorders in children.

Why is my child anxious?

Some children are more likely to have worries and anxiety than others.

Children often find change difficult and may become anxious following a house move or when starting a new school.

Children who have had a distressing or traumatic experience, such as a car accident or house fire, may have anxiety afterwards.

Family arguments and conflict can also make children feel insecure and anxious.

Teenagers are more likely to have social anxiety than other age groups, avoiding social gatherings or making excuses to get out of them.

Find out more about social anxiety.

How to help an anxious child

If a child is experiencing anxiety, there are things that parents and carers can do to help.

First and foremost, it's important to talk to your child about their anxiety or worries. Reassure them and show them you understand how they feel.

If your child is old enough, it may help to explain what anxiety is and the physical effects it has on our bodies. It may be helpful to describe anxiety as being like a wave that builds up and then ebbs away again.

As well as talking to your child about their worries and anxiety, it's important to help them find solutions.

For example, if your child is worried about going to a sleepover, it is natural to want to tell them not to go. However, this could mean your child feels that their anxiety will stop them from doing things.

It's better to recognise their anxiety and suggest solutions to help them, so they can go to the sleepover with a plan in place.

Other ways to ease anxiety in children

teach your child to recognise signs of anxiety in themselves

encourage your child to manage their anxiety and ask for help when they need it

children of all ages find routines reassuring, so try to stick to regular daily routines where possible

if your child is anxious because of distressing events, such as a bereavement or separation, look for books or films that will help them to understand their feelings

if you know a change, such as a house move, is coming up, prepare your child by talking to them about what is going to happen and why

try not to become overprotective or anxious yourself

practise simple relaxation techniques with your child, such as taking 3 deep, slow breaths, breathing in for a count of 3 and out for 3.

distraction can be helpful for young children. For example, if they are anxious about going to nursery, play games on the way there, such as seeing who can spot the most red cars

turn an empty tissue box into a "worry" box. Get your child to write about or draw their worries and "post" them into the box. Then you can sort through the box together at the end of the day or week

Find out more

When should we get help?

If your child's anxiety is severe, persists and interferes with their everyday life, it's a good idea to get some help.

A visit to a GP is a good place to start. If your child's anxiety is affecting their school life, it's a good idea to talk to their school as well.

Parents and carers can get help and advice about children's mental health from Young Minds' free parent helpline on 0808 802 5544, from Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 4pm.

Find out more about treatments on our page about anxiety disorders in children.

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How to help your child deal with anxiety about things such as going to school or socialising with friends. Also, how to tell when it's time to get medical help.

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The Proud Trust: Support for Children and Parents

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The Proud Trust: Support for Children and Parents

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Welcome to The Proud Trust's resources for Trusted Adults of LGBT+ children and young people. If you are an LGBT+ young person looking for information or support, check out our pages for young people here!
Who is a 'Trusted Adult'?
The service has been developed and created for any adult who has a trusted relationship with a young person. This could be a parent or carer, a schoolteacher, sports coach, bus driver, hairdresser, shopkeeper or anyone who has regular interactions with a young person.

If you feel there is something specific to your role or interactions with children and young people that isn't covered in the resources, please do get in touch and let us know or use the web chat function to talk it through with one of our operators.

On these pages, you will find some helpful information which will hopefully help you in supporting the LGBT+ young people you are in contact with. These resources cover a range of different things such as exploring LGBT+ identities, LGBT+ inclusion and how to support young people coming out as LGBT+. You'll also find information and biographies of LGBT+ people within 'LGBT+ Icons'.

These pages are intended to give you a deeper understanding of LGBT+ identities and also provide information about how to support LGBT+ young people. We hope this will lead to more informed, open and supportive conversations with children and young people about LGBT+ identities.

If you are struggling to find something to help you on these pages, or need more support or guidance, you can also use Proud Connections Live Chat.
The live chat will be open 12 TOP TIP: pm - 6pm on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays
You are not alone - support is out there and that goes for you and the children and young people you interact with.

Questioning your sexuality or gender identity can be a lot to process for children and young people, it is also a lot to process as the Trusted Adult of an LGBT+ young person - so don't be afraid to seek support. Speak to us via the Proud Connections web chat or look up your local groups on the 'Groups' page of this site. There are people, groups and services out there to support you!

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Welcome to The Proud Trust's resources for Trusted Adults of LGBT+ children and young people. If you are an LGBT+ young person looking for information or support, check out our pages for young people here! Who is a 'Trusted Adult'? The service has been developed and created for any adult who has a trusted relationship with a young person.

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Your child's behaviour will improve when they know what the rules are, so they can stick to them. So try to respond in the same way every time. Say what you want your child to do, clearly and in a way they'll understand. Repeat it if necessary. And if your child doesn't do as you wish give them an appropriate consequence - so they'll know not to do it again.

Explain your actions

Choose a consequence that fits the situation, for example, if your children are arguing over a toy, take away the toy. Explain why you are taking the toy away. Stick to what you said, and when 5 minutes has passed give them back the toy so they can show you they can behave in the way you want.

Use a calm voice

When they misbehave take a deep breath and use a quiet and calm voice. Your child is far more likely to listen to you if you are in control - shouting will only make you angrier and upset your child.

Don't compare your child to others

Every child is different and it's important not to compare your child to others. You know your child best and you can help them understand good behaviour by setting rules and creating boundaries.

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Take 5: get tips and advice to help you manage temper tantrums and bad behaviour.

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StepChange Debt Charity. Free Expert Debt Help & Advice

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Get free, impartial, and confidential debt advice with StepChange. Available 24/7, our online service helps you understand your debts, set a budget, and find the best solution for your needs. Get expert support and guidance at your own pace. Start today and ease the pressure.

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What is sexuality and sexual orientation?

Sexuality and sexual orientation is about who someone feels physically and emotionally attracted to. This can be romantic or emotional attraction, or both.

As children and young people grow up it's natural for them develop and express their sexuality in healthy ways. For example, older teenagers might start dating or having relationships, while younger children might show curiosity about sex or the changes that happen during puberty. Many young people also feel unsure about their sexuality or who they're attracted to, or find that their sexuality changes over time.

There are lots of different types of sexuality or sexual orientation, and young people may use different terms to describe how they feel. LGBTQ+ stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning and more. Although people often confuse them, it's important to remember that gender identity is different from sexuality.

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Advice for parents and carers on how to support their child if they've come out or are questioning their sexuality or sexual orientation.

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Gender dysphoria

Gender dysphoria is when someone experiences unease because their gender identity is different from, or doesn't sit comfortably with, the sex they were registered at birth. Gender dysphoria is not a mental illness, but some people may develop mental health problems such as depression or anxiety, as a result of gender dysphoria.

Gender dysphoria can start from a very young age. This could include things like not wanting to wear masculine or feminine clothing. Older children may feel anxious or uncomfortable about the changes that happen during puberty, such as starting their period, or their voice deepening. However, this type of behaviour is reasonably common in childhood and is part of growing up. It doesn't mean that all children behaving this way have gender dysphoria or other gender identity issues.

In 2022/23 Childline delivered almost 3,400 sessions about sexuality and gender identity.

Common themes for children contacting Childline with questions about their gender identity are: anxiety about their feelings, fear of not being accepted, lack of available support, and the time it takes for them to access support services.

Transitioning

Some young people who experience gender dysphoria may decide to transition. Transitioning is the jouney someone takes from presenting themselves as the gender which corresponds to the sex they were registered at birth, to presenting themselves as the gender they feel they are.

Children and young people may choose to do this in different ways and at different stages depending on what they feel comfortable with. Some young people may choose to do this privately or just with close friends and family, before coming out more publicly.

A child or young person's transition may involve changing the way they look or dress. For example, they might want to wear makeup or shave their facial hair. Some children may also want to visit the doctor to get support or discuss their options for medical treatment. Your GP should be able to provide advice and guidance about what options are available to support children and families.

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Advice to help parents and carers understand gender identity and how to support a child.