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No abbreviations, well defined structure.

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Contractions, inappropriate for a mail register, grammar errors (no syntax agreement)

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Destinatary. He could have said "Dear Director of" or "To Whom May It Concern"

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No exclamation marks

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the content is structured in a very logical way.

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Thanks -> thank you

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Kind regards

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A portfolio with some personal projects related to skills in informatics or in business. Extra that he already said.

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maybe more passive forms to make it less personal

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You have to write the full name of VUB

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I wouldn't  write in detail about the difficult customers, but instead just mention that you have relevant experience in sales and customer help

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Not a well structured email, talking about experience in two articles- first and last-without any linking words. 

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Not a well structured email, talking about experience in two articles- first and last-without any linking words. 

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Don’t = do not

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It’d be = it would be

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My studies help, not helps

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‘If you want, you can have a look at my CV …’  is more polite than ‘find my CV …’