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We have a lot of emotions, but we also know what is appropriate to express. Unfortunately, sometimes we feel things, such as anger, that are not as socially acceptable to display. One way some people deal with that is by playing sports, like football. It is a way to take the anger and aggression that one feels and turn it into something productive and acceptable. This is known as sublimation.

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A slightly lesser known defense mechanism is reaction formation. This is when we take our unwanted or dangerous thoughts, feelings, or impulses and act out their opposites. For example, a woman who worked for a boss that treated her horribly would naturally feel some strong dislike for them. However, instead of acting in congruence with her true feelings, she may instead make a show of being overly nice and generous to her boss. Showing how great of a worker she is and how much she enjoys her job to everyone else helps her forget about her own disdain.

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After her relationship of 3 years with her boyfriend, with whom she was living, ended, she had to find a new apartment. It was painful living away from someone she loved. They had been through everything together, and being alone was difficult. Her first night in the new place, she slept with a stuffed giraffe from her childhood. This is a display of regression, as cuddling with a childhood toy as a way to soothe oneself is considered childlike.

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A student dreamed of getting into Harvard. The prestige was enticing, the student loved the location, and the school had exactly the program that the student was looking for. He worked extremely hard on his application and checked the mail anxiously every day after sending it in. A few weeks later, he received a rejection letter from Harvard. Suddenly, the student changed his mind about the school, saying “It was too expensive anyway” and “I would rather live at home my first year of college.” He is rationalizing, explaining away the hurt feelings caused by the rejection.

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A woman feels that her husband is growing more and more disinterested in her every day. She feels like he is not home enough and does not want to spend time with her anymore. Resentment for her marriage grows. In reality, she is just failing to notice all the things he does for her. She is actually projecting her own resentment onto him, thinking he does not love her anymore when it is truly she herself who has grown distant.

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A man would be in denial if he refused to acknowledge his true emotions. Due to the toxic masculinity that has invaded our culture, men often refuse to show emotion that is not considered masculine. For instance, if a guy watches a sad movie with his friends, he may make a joke or act hyper-stoic or bored at extremely sad scenes. Not wanting to cry or show non-masculine emotion, he is in denial of the sadness that the film has made him feel.

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A woman was abused by her parents early in life, but she has no memory. She has repressed the memory of these events—pushed it far from consciousness so that she does not have to think about the pain she endured. However, her past still haunts her unconsciously. This is evident because she has a hard time forming healthy relationships. Subconsciously, she expects ill treatment from those to whom she is closest.