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How do our kids know what we expect from them if we don't tell them? Behavior specific praise is a way for parents to catch children being good and encourage them to repeat the behavior in the future.

We all know the importance of praising our children.

I don't know about you, but I catch myself sounding like a broken record of, "good job," "great!," and "nice work" more often than I'd like.
How are kids supposed to know what exactly we want from them if we don't tell them?
"Good job" and other generic praise doesn't specify what behavior we are interested in seeing more of. Something along the lines of, "I love how hard you worked to figure that out" is definitely more effective.

While any praise is good, behavior-specific praise helps the child identify exactly what behavior pleases you.

As parents, this extra step helps us connect and appreciate our children. It also allows us to catch them being good - which is so important, but another topic! - and do what we can to see that those good behaviors continue in the future.

"I love how you..."

"It is so helpful when you..."

"Great job (exact behavior)"

"Thank you for..."

"I like the way you..."

"You are so smart to..."

"When you ____ it makes me so happy."

"Wow! I can't believe you...!"

"Nice (exact behavior/task)"

"You're getting so good at..."

"You're doing a great job of..."

"It's wonderful that you can..."

Anytime you can connect your praise with the exact behavior your child is doing, it increases the chances that they will increase that behavior. Whether it's a task or chore at home, something related to schoolwork, or a quality or trait they are demonstrating, they are more likely to acknowledge and repeat the behavior when you recognize it and give them praise.

The more clear we can make our praise as parents, the more our kids will learn and recognize the things we are hoping to teach them.
In my life before kids, I was a lead behavioral therapist for kiddos with autism and got my MS in Behavior Analysis and Therapy. This is a topic that was discussed often and a general rule of thumb when working with kiddos with autism. It's one of the things that I have definitely held onto as I became a parent.

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Behavior Specific Praise: How to tell your kids what you want.

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How do our kids know what we expect from them if we don't tell them? Behavior specific praise is a way for parents to catch children being good and encourage them to repeat the behavior in the future. We all know the importance of praising our children.

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Rebecca, thank you for raising your hand instead of shouting out the answer.

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Rebecca, thank you for raising your hand instead of shouting out the answer.

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It is amazing when you answer each other's questions during group work. 

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It is amazing when you answer each other's questions during group work. 

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Thank you for working quietly so that everybody can focus.

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Great job cleaning up your lab station!!

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Thank you for using respectful language :]

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Thank you for using respectful language :]

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Thank you for being so careful with the lab equipment so that everyone stayed safe

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It is great when everyone follows the safety precautions during labs. 

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It is great when everyone follows the safety precautions during labs. 

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Thank you for working together with your lab partner to complete the lab. 

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Thank you for working together with your lab partner to complete the lab. 

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Thank you for putting away your lab materials. 

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Thank you for putting away your lab materials. 

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Super job remembering to wear your lab glasses!

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Super job remembering to wear your lab glasses!

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Amazing job on listing your resources for your research!

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You did a great job adding so much detail and including labels in your sketch.

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Thank you for putting up your chairs before you leave for the day!

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Thank you for putting up your chairs before you leave for the day!

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Great job planning! You are ready to move on to your rough draft. 

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Great job planning! You are ready to move on to your rough draft. 

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James, it made me happy when you _______.

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James, it made me happy when you _______.

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Great job focusing today and getting your work done in class.

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Great job focusing today and getting your work done in class.

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Good lob listing the evidence for the claim you made in your lab report.

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Thank you for making your explanation so detailed. 

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Thank you for making your explanation so detailed. 

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Good morning, everyone!  Thank you for starting the Do Now while I was in the bathroom

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Good morning, everyone!  Thank you for starting the Do Now while I was in the bathroom

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I like how you provided ample evidence to support your hypothesis.

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Thank you for coming into the classroom quietly and getting started on your Day Starter right away

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You did a great job making sure that everyone in your group got a chance to speak.

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Thank you for coming in during Study Hall to figure out this harder concept

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Great job keeping your lab notebook so organized

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Great job noting your possible experimental errors and how they may have influenced your data

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Thank you for letting me know right away that you had broken glass and not trying to pick it up by yourself

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Thank you all for handing in your homework on time.

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Thank you for brining all of your materials from yesterday so you could continue working today. 

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Thank you for brining all of your materials from yesterday so you could continue working today. 

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Thank you for putting your textbooks and laptops away before you leave so the room is ready for the next class. 

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Thank you for putting your textbooks and laptops away before you leave so the room is ready for the next class. 

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Thank you for acting responsibly in the lab. 

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Thank you for acting responsibly in the lab. 

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Super job on providing evidence for your claim!

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I love how Sal is sitting quietly and waiting for instructions!

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Thank you for pushing in your Chair Jen!

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Thank you for labeling your workso  that I can read it easier!

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Thank you for bringing your lab book so that we know what we’re doing !

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You did an amazing job at making sure your group stayed on task!

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Thank you so much for cleaning up after yourselves.