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How to Properly Set a Table How to Set a Table at a Restaurant Simple How to Set a Table for Dinner How to Set a Flagpole Basic Table Setting How to Set a Table with Fine China How to Set a Table for a Tea Party Informal Table Setting Placement How to Set a Royal Butler Table Checklist How to Prepare On a Table Table Setting Diagram

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Ita Buttrose has been an inspiration to generations of Australian women. In the course of her phenomenal media career she has seen how important etiquette is in every aspect of life, from the personal to the professional. Correct etiquette not only ensures that a meal will be pleasant or a wedding will run smoothly, it can also make or break a career.

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Grades 9-12

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Lessons, Resources, and Activities to Practice Good Manners

Lesson Plans

Turn Down the Dial on Cyberbullying and Online Cruelty Students in grades 9-12 Students view two videos and identify factors that contribute to online cruelty and identify what upstanders can do to lessen the effects of this online cruelty. Students then create diagrams to show how online cruelty can escalate or de-escalate.

Taking Perspectives on Cyberbullying Students in grades 9-12 explore a scenario in which a teen girl creates a hate website about another girl and then take the perspectives of different characters and brainstorm alternative decisions each character could have made.

Activities

The Good Behavior Game Manual ( PDF, 122 KB, 38 pgs.)
"A team competition for prizes, privileges, and special activities. Check marks are recorded on the blackboard for a team when disruptive behavior of any team member occurs. If the check marks for a team remain below a pre-set number (4) by the end of the Game the team wins. All teams may win if their check marks do not exceed the pre-set number (4)."

Background Resources

Etiquette: Online Books
Links to three centuries of books on etiquette and manners for children, teens, men, and women.

Etiquette: A History of Social Dance in America
Etiquette in eighteenth and nineteenth century ballrooms

Essay

A Treatise on Good Manners and Good Breeding by Jonathan Swift
Unlike Swift's satiric "Modest Proposal," this brief essay is a straightforward discussion of manners. He recognizes cultural differences, acknowledging that nations fix manners "best suited to their general customs."

Quizzes

Printables

Video, Audio, Books

Videos

Poem

"Silent Manners"
Printed and audio. Listen to the author, Carl Dennis, read the poem.

Books

The History of Manners (The Civilizing Process, Vol. 1)
By Norbert Elias
Pantheon; 1st paperback edition (August 12, 1982)

Learning How to Behave: A Historical Study of American Etiquette Books
By Arthur M. Schlesinger, Sr.
Cooper Square Publishers (1968)

A Short History of Rudeness: Manners, Morals, and Misbehavior in Modern America
By Mark Caldwell
Picador; 1st edition (July 7, 2000)

last updated: May 10, 2018

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Learning and Practicing Good Manners, Grades 9-12

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Turn Down the Dial on Cyberbullying and Online Cruelty Students in grades 9-12 Students view two videos and identify factors that contribute to online cruelty and identify what upstanders can do to lessen the effects of this online cruelty. Students then create diagrams to show how online cruelty can escalate or de-escalate.

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American Manners and Etiquette Lesson Plan 

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American Manners and Etiquette Lesson Plan 

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AMERICAN MANNERS AND ETIQUETTE LESSON PLAN

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CSMonitor. Article

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If you think sitting up straight and keeping your elbows off the table is a bother, be grateful you weren't a child of America's early settlers. Back then, children didn't even get to sit at the table. They stood behind the adults and ate whatever was handed to them.

Later, children were allowed to sit at the table, but they couldn't speak unless an adult spoke to them. They couldn't ask for a dish, either. They had to wait until a grownup offered it to them. It was also considered rude to fidget, sing, or look at someone else who was eating.

Table manners are even older than tables. About 9,000 years ago, people cooked soups in pots. They dipped spoons of wood or bone into the cooking pot to eat. The first rules about eating determined who could dip into the pot first. Today some Inuit families in the Arctic still follow the tradition of eating from a common pot. Men get to dip in first, then women and children. Sometimes they don't use spoons. They just pick out pieces of meat with their fingers.

Eating with the fingers is a common custom. For about a thousand years, Romans and Greeks ate while lying on their sides on couches, with their heads pointed toward the table. One hand propped them up, the other handled the food. The Roman Empire finally fell in AD 476, and reclining dining customs disappeared as well.

Eating with the fingers never disappeared. Some Arab families still follow this custom. They use only the first three fingers of the right hand. In northern India, some diners use only the fingertips of the right hand, but in the south both hands are OK. In fact, far more people eat with fingers or chopsticks than use forks and spoons. But everyone has rules about eating politely.

Table manners became quite important in Europe in the 1100s. That's when people developed the idea of courtesy - how to behave in court. Soon these rules began appearing in written texts.

The rules about eating were meant to make the experience pleasant, thoughtful, and tidy. Early texts instructed diners to keep their elbows down and not to speak with their mouths full. Polite diners were not to pick their teeth with their knives or be greedy.

In 1530, a Dutchman named Erasmus wrote a book on manners titled "On Civility in Children." Erasmus told people not to blow their noses or spit at the table, and never to put chewed bones back on their plates. (The polite thing then was to throw bones on the floor. That gave the dogs something to eat.)

In those days, people didn't have regular dining tables. At mealtimes, boards were laid across trestles and covered with cloth. (That's where "setting the table" comes from.) At banquets, no individual plates were used, only large serving platters. Two people shared each soup bowl and used squares of stale bread as plates. The edible plates were called trenchers. After the meal, they were given to the poor.

During the Crusades, between AD 1000 and 1300, even knights had to learn manners. They were often paired with a lady at dinner, sharing food and drinking glasses. Knights learned not to lick their fingers, but to wipe them on the tablecloth. They were also told not to smack their lips, snort, or put their faces in their food.

In the 1300s, the Renaissance arrived. So did the fork. And new table customs evolved. People ate from plates, and everyone had his own cup. Fingers were to be wiped on napkins, not tablecloths. Bones were not to be thrown on the floor, but left on the plate. Manners kept moving toward cleanliness and order.

In 1669, King Louis XIV of France ordered that all table knives have rounded ends. This made eating with knives a little less dangerous for the diner and anyone with whom he or she might become angry. Louis XIV was the first person in Europe to offer guests a place setting with forks, knives, and spoons.

Table manners continued to evolve. People debated how to eat peas. They were difficult to spear with a fork and hard to balance on a knife. As more families bought tableware, more guides were needed for how to use it. Some were written especially for children. In "Goops and How To Be Them" (1900), Gelett Burgess used horribly ill-mannered creatures called Goops as bad examples. He wrote:

The Goops they lick their fingers,

And the Goops they lick their knives;

They spill their broth on the tablecloth -

Oh, they lead disgusting lives!

The Goops they talk while eating,

And loud and fast they chew;

And that is why I'm glad that I

Am not a Goop - are you?

You probably use many simple table manners without thinking. You probably say "please" and "thank you," and ask for food to be passed to you, rather than reaching over everyone for it.

Other rules come into play in more formal settings, like parties, where you're supposed to use the right fork and dispose of olive pits properly. If you're ever a guest somewhere and aren't sure you've got all the rules down, just watch the host or hostess. Do what they do. Even if you use the wrong fork, you'll be following the basic principle of table manners: Think about others and make dining as pleasant as possible.

(c) Copyright 2000. The Christian Science Publishing Society

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If you think sitting up straight and keeping your elbows off the table is a bother, be grateful you weren't a child of America's early settlers. Back then, children didn't even get to sit at the table. They stood behind the adults and ate whatever was handed to them.

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The First American Galateo

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Based on the Exercise of a Schoolboy*
George Washington, sometime before the age of 16, transcribed Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation. (Original errors in numbering have been corrected; original spelling is unchanged.)
1st Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present.

2d When in Company, put not your Hands to any Part of the Body, not usualy Discovered.

3d Shew Nothing to your Freind that may affright him.

4th In the Presence of Others Sing not to yourself with a humming Noise, nor Drum with your Fingers or Feet.

5th If You Cough, Sneeze, Sigh, or Yawn, do it not Loud but Privately; and Speak not in your Yawning, but put Your handkercheif or Hand before your face and turn aside.

6th Sleep not when others Speak, Sit not when others stand, Speak not when you Should hold your Peace, walk not on when others Stop.

7th Put not off your Cloths in the presence of Others, nor go out your Chamber half Drest.

8th At Play and at Fire its Good manners to Give Place to the last Commer, and affect not to Speak Louder than Ordinary.

9th Spit not in the Fire, nor Stoop low before it neither Put your Hands into the Flames to warm them, nor Set your Feet upon the Fire especially if there be meat before it.

10th When you Sit down, Keep your Feet firm and Even, without putting one on the other or Crossing them.

11th Shift not yourself in the Sight of others nor Gnaw your nails.

12th Shake not the head, Feet, or Legs rowl not the Eys lift not one eyebrow higher than the other wry not the mouth, and bedew no mans face with your Spittle, by approaching too near him when you Speak.

13th Kill no Vermin as Fleas, lice ticks &c in the Sight of Others, if you See any filth or thick Spittle put your foot Dexteriously upon it if it be upon the Cloths of your Companions, Put it off privately, and if it be upon your own Cloths return Thanks to him who puts it off.

14th Turn not your Back to others especially in Speaking, Jog not the Table or Desk on which Another reads or writes, lean not upon any one.

15th Keep your Nails clean and Short, also your Hands and Teeth Clean yet without Shewing any great Concern for them.

16th Do not Puff up the Cheeks, Loll not out the tongue rub the Hands, or beard, thrust out the lips, or bite them or keep the Lips too open or too Close.

17th Be no Flatterer, neither Play with any that delights not to be Play'd Withal.

18th Read no Letters, Books, or Papers in Company but when there is a Necessity for the doing of it you must ask leave: come not near the Books or Writings of Another so as to read them unless desired or give your opinion of them unask'd also look not nigh when another is writing a Letter.

19th let your Countenance be pleasant but in Serious Matters Somewhat grave.

20th The Gestures of the Body must be Suited to the discourse you are upon.

21st: Reproach none for the Infirmaties of Nature, nor Delight to Put them that have in mind thereof.

22d Shew not yourself glad at the Misfortune of another though he were your enemy.

23d When you see a Crime punished, you may be inwardly Pleased; but always shew Pity to the Suffering Offender.

24th Do not laugh too loud or too much at any Publick Spectacle.

25th Superfluous Complements and all Affectation of Ceremonie are to be avoided, yet where due they are not to be Neglected.

26th In Pulling off your Hat to Persons of Distinction, as Noblemen, Justices, Churchmen &c make a Reverence, bowing more or less according to the Custom of the Better Bred, and Quality of the Person. Amongst your equals expect not always that they Should begin with you first, but to Pull off the Hat when there is no need is Affectation, in the Manner of Saluting and resaluting in words keep to the most usual Custom.

27th Tis ill manners to bid one more eminent than yourself be covered as well as not to do it to whom it's due Likewise he that makes too much haste to Put on his hat does not well, yet he ought to Put it on at the first, or at most the Second time of being ask'd; now what is herein Spoken, of Qualification in behaviour in Saluting, ought also to be observed in taking of Place, and Sitting down for ceremonies without Bounds is troublesome.

28th If any one come to Speak to you while you are are Sitting Stand up tho he be your Inferiour, and when you Present Seats let it be to every one according to his Degree.

29th When you meet with one of Greater Quality than yourself, Stop, and retire especially if it be at a Door or any Straight place to give way for him to Pass.

30th In walking the highest Place in most Countrys Seems to be on the right hand therefore Place yourself on the left of him whom you desire to Honour: but if three walk together the middest Place is the most Honourable the wall is usually given to the most worthy if two walk together.

31st If any one far Surpassess others, either in age, Estate, or Merit yet would give Place to a meaner than himself in his own lodging or elsewhere the one ought not to except it, So he on the other part should not use much earnestness nor offer it above once or twice.

32d: To one that is your equal, or not much inferior you are to give the cheif Place in your Lodging and he to who 'tis offered ought at the first to refuse it but at the Second to accept though not without acknowledging his own unworthiness.

33d They that are in Dignity or in office have in all places Preceedency but whilst they are Young they ought to respect those that are their equals in Birth or other Qualitys, though they have no Publick charge.

34th It is good Manners to prefer them to whom we Speak before ourselves especially if they be above us with whom in no Sort we ought to begin.

35th Let your Discourse with Men of Business be Short and Comprehensive.

36th Artificers & Persons of low Degree ought not to use many ceremonies to Lords, or Others of high Degree but Respect and highly Honour them, and those of high Degree ought to treat them with affibility & Courtesie, without Arrogancy.

37th In Speaking to men of Quality do not lean nor Look them full in the Face, nor approach too near them at lest Keep a full Pace from them.

38th In visiting the Sick, do not Presently play the Physicion if you be not Knowing therein.

39th In writing or Speaking, give to every Person his due Title According to his Degree & the Custom of the Place.

40th Strive not with your Superiers in argument, but always Submit your Judgment to others with Modesty.

41st Undertake not to Teach your equal in the art himself Proffesses; it Savours of arrogancy.

42d Let thy ceremonies in Courtesie be proper to the Dignity of his place with whom thou conversest for it is absurd to act the same with a Clown and a Prince.

43d Do not express Joy before one sick or in pain for that contrary Passion will aggravate his Misery.

44th When a man does all he can though it Succeeds not well blame not him that did it.

45th Being to advise or reprehend any one, consider whether it ought to be in publick or in Private; presently, or at Some other time in what terms to do it & in reproving Shew no Sign of Cholar but do it with all Sweetness and Mildness.

46th Take all Admonitions thankfully in what Time or Place Soever given but afterwards not being culpable take a Time & Place convenient to let him him know it that gave them.

47th Mock not nor Jest at any thing of Importance break no Jest that are Sharp Biting and if you Deliver any thing witty and Pleasent abstain from Laughing there at yourself.

48th Wherein wherein you reprove Another be unblameable yourself; for example is more prevalent than Precepts.

49th Use no Reproachfull Language against any one neither Curse nor Revile.

50th Be not hasty to beleive flying Reports to the Disparagement of any.

51st Wear not your Cloths, foul, unript or Dusty but See they be Brush'd once every day at least and take heed that you approach not to any Uncleaness.

52d In your Apparel be Modest and endeavour to accomodate Nature, rather than to procure Admiration keep to the Fashion of your equals Such as are Civil and orderly with respect to Times and Places.

53d Run not in the Streets, neither go too slowly nor with Mouth open go not Shaking yr Arms kick not the earth with yr feet, go not upon the Toes, nor in a Dancing fashion.

54th Play not the Peacock, looking every where about you, to See if you be well Deck't, if your Shoes fit well if your Stokings sit neatly, and Cloths handsomely.

55th Eat not in the Streets, nor in the House, out of Season.

56th Associate yourself with Men of good Quality if you Esteem your own Reputation; for 'tis better to be alone than in bad Company.

57th In walking up and Down in a House, only with One in Company if he be Greater than yourself, at the first give him the Right hand and Stop not till he does and be not the first that turns, and when you do turn let it be with your face towards him, if he be a Man of Great Quality, walk not with him Cheek by Joul but Somewhat behind him; but yet in Such a Manner that he may easily Speak to you.

58th Let your Conversation be without Malice or Envy, for 'tis a Sign of a Tractable and Commendable Nature: And in all Causes of Passion admit Reason to Govern.

59th Never express anything unbecoming, nor Act agst the Rules Moral before your inferiours.

60th Be not immodest in urging your Freinds to Discover a Secret.

61st Utter not base and frivilous things amongst grave and Learn'd Men nor very Difficult Questians or Subjects, among the Ignorant or things hard to be believed, Stuff not your Discourse with Sentences amongst your Betters nor Equals.

62d Speak not of doleful Things in a Time of Mirth or at the Table; Speak not of Melancholy Things as Death and Wounds, and if others Mention them Change if you can the Discourse tell not your Dreams, but to your intimate Friend.

63d A Man ought not to value himself of his Atchievements, or rare Qualities of wit; much less of his riches Virtue or Kindred.

64th Break not a Jest where none take pleasure in mirth Laugh not aloud, nor at all without Occasion, deride no mans Misfortune, tho' there Seem to be Some cause.

65th Speak not injurious Words neither in Jest nor Earnest Scoff at none although they give Occasion.

66th Be not forward but friendly and Courteous; the first to Salute hear and answer & be not Pensive when it's a time to Converse.

67th Detract not from others neither be excessive in Commanding.

68th Go not thither, where you know not, whether you Shall be Welcome or not. Give not Advice without being Ask'd & when desired do it briefly.

69th If two contend together take not the part of either unconstrained; and be not obstinate in your own Opinion, in Things indiferent be of the Major Side.

70th Reprehend not the imperfections of others for that belongs to Parents Masters and Superiours.

71st Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of Others and ask not how they came. What you may Speak in Secret to your Friend deliver not before others.

72d Speak not in an unknown Tongue in Company but in your own Language and that as those of Quality do and not as the Vulgar; Sublime matters treat Seriously.

73d Think before you Speak pronounce not imperfectly nor bring out your Words too hastily but orderly & distinctly.

74th When Another Speaks be attentive your Self and disturb not the Audience if any hesitate in his Words help him not nor Prompt him without desired, Interrupt him not, nor Answer him till his Speech be ended.

75th In the midst of Discourse ask not of what one treateth but if you Perceive any Stop because of your coming you may well intreat him gently to Proceed: If a Person of Quality comes in while your Conversing it's handsome to Repeat what was said before.

76th While you are talking, Point not with your Finger at him of Whom you Discourse nor Approach too near him to whom you talk especially to his face.

77th Treat with men at fit Times about Business & Whisper not in the Company of Others.

78th Make no Comparisons and if any of the Company be Commended for any brave act of Vertue, commend not another for the Same.

79th Be not apt to relate News if you know not the truth thereof. In Discoursing of things you Have heard Name not your Author always A Secret Discover not.

80th Be not Tedious in Discourse or in reading unless you find the Company pleased therewith.

81st Be not Curious to Know the Affairs of Others neither approach those that Speak in Private.

82d undertake not what you cannot perform but be carefull to keep your promise.

83d when you deliver a matter do it without passion & with discretion, however mean the person be you do it too.

84th When your Superiours talk to any Body hearken not neither Speak nor Laugh.

85th In Company of these of Higher Quality than yourself Speak not til you are ask'd a Question then Stand upright put of your Hat & Answer in few words.

86th In Disputes, be not So Desireous to Overcome as not to give Liberty to each one to deliver his Opinion and Submit to the Judgment of the Major Part especially if they are Judges of the Dispute.

87th Let thy carriage be such as becomes a Man Grave Settled and attentive to that which is spoken. Contradict not at every turn what others Say.

88th Be not tedious in Discourse, make not many Digressigns, nor repeat often the Same manner of Discourse.

89th Speak not Evil of the absent for it is unjust.

90th Being Set at meat Scratch not neither Spit Cough or blow your Nose except there's a Necessity for it.

91st Make no Shew of taking great Delight in your Victuals, Feed not with Greediness; cut your Bread with a Knife, lean not on the Table neither find fault with what you Eat.

92d Take no Salt or cut Bread with your Knife Greasy.

93d Entertaining any one at table it is decent to present him wt. meat, Undertake not to help others undesired by the Master.

94th If you Soak bread in the Sauce let it be no more than what you put in your Mouth at a time and blow not your broth at Table but Stay till Cools of it Self.

95th Put not your meat to your Mouth with your Knife in your hand neither Spit forth the Stones of any fruit Pye upon a Dish nor Cast anything under the table.

96th It's unbecoming to Stoop much to ones Meat Keep your Fingers clean & when foul wipe them on a Corner of your Table Napkin.

97th Put not another bit into your Mouth til the former be Swallowed let not your Morsels be too big for the Gowls.

98th Drink not nor talk with your mouth full neither Gaze about you while you are a Drinking.

99th Drink not too leisurely nor yet too hastily. Before and after Drinking wipe your Lips breath not then or Ever with too Great a Noise, for its uncivil.

100th Cleanse not your teeth with the Table Cloth Napkin Fork or Knife but if Others do it let it be done wt. a Pick Tooth.

101st Rince not your Mouth in the Presence of Others.

102d It is out of use to call upon the Company often to Eat nor need you Drink to others every Time you Drink.

103d In Company of your Betters be not longer in eating than they are lay not your Arm but only your hand upon the table.

104th It belongs to the Chiefest in Company to unfold his Napkin and fall to Meat first, But he ought then to Begin in time & to Dispatch with Dexterity that the Slowest may have time allowed him.

105th Be not Angry at Table whatever happens & if you have reason to be so, Shew it not but on a Chearfull Countenance especially if there be Strangers for Good Humour makes one Dish of Meat a Feast.

106th Set not yourself at the upper of the Table but if it Be your Due or that the Master of the house will have it So, Contend not, least you Should Trouble the Company.

107th If others talk at Table be attentive but talk not with Meat in your Mouth.

108th When you Speak of God or his Atributes, let it be Seriously & wt. Reverence. Honour & Obey your Natural Parents altho they be Poor.

109th Let your Recreations be Manfull not Sinfull.

110th Labour to keep alive in your Breast that Little Spark of Celestial fire Called Conscience.

Finis

*Washington, George. Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour in Company and Conversation: a Book of Etiquette. Williamsburg, VA: Beaver Press, 1971.

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colonial williamsburg family vacation packages

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George Washington, sometime before the age of 16, transcribed Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation. (Original errors in numbering have been corrected; original spelling is unchanged.) 1st Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present.

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"Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot." -Clarence Thomas

Why Table Manners Matter

As a young Marine Corps Officer, I was dumbfounded one afternoon when after training on the Mark19 we transitioned into a class on proper table manners. Taught by a petite older woman, the class covered the basics of dining etiquette. We practiced these skills at various unit dinners over the next six months. At the time, I thought the classes were useless and a waste of my time. Yet as it turns out, while I never again fired that heavy grenade launcher, the skills I learned those evenings concerning table manners have enhanced my enjoyment of dining for over a decade.

Whether dining with a 4 star general, toasting with a Medal of Honor recipient, or sitting with friends and family on Christmas Eve, an understanding of dining protocol makes time spent with others around a table more enjoyable. When you know the rules there is no awkwardness or questions about how things should be done; instead there is only opportunity to spend quality time with the company present.

Watch the Video

The Need for Better Dining Etiquette

When I began to spend more time outside of military circles I noticed that many men had never been taught proper dining etiquette. I was amazed when I returned to graduate school and met people who were spending 100K on their education but were sabotaging their own interviews over a meal that they ate from their plate like a horse. Still other times I would witness friends embarrass themselves by eating half the food on their plate before noticing everyone else was waiting to give thanks. A man in the year 2010, like his great-grandfather in the year 1910, still sits and eats three meals a day. The purpose of this article is to give you the basics to dine with respect like he did.
If nothing else, live by these four rules:

1. Pay attention to your hosts - Being an observant diner and picking up on cues from your host will enable you to avoid 95% the embarrassing situations you could find yourself in. Simple things like waiting to eat until you see others eating and using the utensils others are using will enable you to "wing it." However, this constant observing and following does not allow you to relax and enjoy the evening.

2. Chew with your mouth closed and do not talk with food in your mouth - Yes, in the year 2010 we still have a problem with men chewing with their mouths wide open. And if you have something to say, refrain from filling your mouth the moment before. In order to recover if expected to speak, only put a single bite in your mouth at a time. The days of stuffing your mouth with as much food as it can hold are over.

3. Bring your food to your face, not your face to your food - You shouldn't be leaning over your food, shoveling it into your mouth with a distance traveled of only 6 inches. Instead, sit straight, balance a single bite on the utensil of choice and bring it directly to your mouth. And never drink from your soup bowl.

4. Say Thank You, Please, and Excuse Me - These small words are magic and should be used liberally.

The First Rule of Dining Etiquette - Know Who You Are Dining with and the Setting

As the Boy Scout Motto goes, be prepared. RSVP within 3 days of receiving an invitation, or if no invitation was sent ask what to expect and how many people will be in attendance. Dress to the level you feel appropriate, you do not need a custom suit but I advise looking professional. It shows respect to the host and chances are you'll be making important first impressions.

If you are visiting a person's home, consider bringing a small gift such as flowers in a vase or a bottle of wine. If the meal is being hosted by a close friend, find out how you can help make their life easier - perhaps by bringing a dessert. Arrive on time, but not more than 10 minutes early as last minute preparations are always underway on the host's end.
Informal Dining - Non-seated
By non-seated, I mean there will be no set time in which everyone sits around a table to dine as a group. Examples are picnics and barbeques where people arrive, eat, and leave at various times. And although table manners here are much more relaxed, there are still a few rules of dining etiquette you should pay attention to.

Take an average sized serving - It is bad form to find you can only eat half the food on your plate and that your excess caused a fellow guest to miss out on the dish entirely. Going back for a second serving, assuming there is plenty, is always a compliment to the chef.

Do not double dip - If you really like the dip, and need every part of your chip covered in it, use a spoon and make your own dipping station on your plate.

Precutting meat- Cut for yourself and those immediately around you - do not cut the entire roast as it will cause the meat to dry out quicker.

Clean-up after yourself - Do I need to say more?

Informal Dining - Seated Informal Dinner Setting
By informal seated dining I mean that at some point all parties will be seated and a set meal will be served and conversation will take place over food. Examples are recruiting events, business meals, or Easter dinner with the fiancée's family. Below is a place setting you might see. Note the word Luncheon could be substituted for breakfast or dinner, as you can see this set-up anytime of the day.

The general guidelines are this: everything revolves around the plate, forks to the left, spoons and knives to the right. When it comes to silverware, you start on the outside and work inward. Therefore, if in the picture above we had a fork for appetizers (which we do not), it would be to the left of the dinner fork (which is the one seen). Your glass, when not in use, should remain in the upper right area of your setting. Notice the water goblet is usually larger than your wine glass.
Formal Dining Formal Dinner Setting
The first clue that you'll be attending a formal dinner will be the uniform - suits and in many cases black tie are required. Although I will not be covering formal dining in this article - there is too much information to cover in a single post - don't be too alarmed if you have one coming up. A man can learn the basics within 30 minutes of study and practice. The picture below will give you an idea of the set-up you'll face.

The Napkin

Place your napkin in your lap within 1 minute of sitting at the table to dine. Do not tuck it into the front of your shirt collar like a bib or into your pants; unfold it just enough to cover your lap (usual leaving it half folded is enough, although fully unfolded is fine for larger men). Although it can serve to protect your trousers from a spill, its main purpose is to enable you to seamlessly remove food from the sides of your mouth. As such, use it when needed and when finished or excusing yourself from the table place it neatly to the left of your plate.
Don't hog all the food for yourself
When to Start Eating?

The simple and safe answer to this question is when others do. The reality is that it is often unclear, as that hot food is being served and the hostess along with a helper are still in the kitchen and a few guests are out wandering around out of earshot. In this case, if hot food is being served and at least two people are seated, you may begin. If the meal is orderly, and everyone is seated, then once three to four people have been served you may begin (assuming a group larger than 4 - if 4 or smaller wait for everyone to be served). The general guideline is to never eat alone, but to eat hot food while it is still hot.
Don't reach across the table
A prayer, if to be said, should be initiated by the host but can be given by anyone. It should be given before the meal is served. Toasts, on the other, hand can happen anytime glasses are filled and except at formal events can be initiated by anyone; oftentimes a guest toasts the host for their hospitality.

Elbows, Reaching, and Spills

Placing your elbows on the table while the meal is in progress should be avoided; however, there is nothing wrong with putting them on the table during a conversation between meals and during coffee or tea. Reaching on the other hand is never allowed; if anything is beyond your normal reach (meaning you have to rise from your seat to get to it) or is within another's personal space, always ask the person closest to pass the item you need. And if something spills? First, deal with the item spilling and next do what you can to assist the host with the immediate clean-up. And then forget about it and enjoy your meal.

Dealing with Food You Do Not Want

You simply do not want to try it - If you haven't tried it, how do you know you won't like it? Always try to take just a little of all dishes offered; sometimes that little stays on the plate after a single bite, but at least the host was not offended.

You have a restrictive diet - Depending on how restrictive, you may want to notify your host beforehand so that they can make special arrangements. I recently hosted a dinner where a number of the guests were fasting for Lent. Although it required a little extra work, my wife and I were more than happy to accommodate our guest's diet restrictions. If the event you are attending is large and the host is not easily accessible, you may want to eat well the meal before in the case you are forced to eat light that evening.

Saying no to alcohol - Being a non-drinker, I have run into situations where alcohol consumption is expected by all men present. On many occasions when visiting family in Ukraine I have been pressured heavily to partake in traditional shots of Vodka. My solution here is to take one glass, toast with the family, and then touch it to my lips. This works for me, and now that I have built a reputation as a non-drinker the issue rarely arises. The key is whatever your decision when pressured to drink, keep your choice consistent and you will run into less problems and hurt feelings.

I'm Finished with my Meal
How to Signal You Are Finished

The proper way to signal you are finished with your meal is to place your knife and fork in the 4:20 position. Your fork should be closest to you with tongs pointed up, the knife with its cutting edge facing the fork's tongs; not only does this tell a waiter or host that you are finished, it is the most stable position for your silverware when a person seeks to clear your place for dessert or drinks.

Saying Goodbye

Before leaving, say thank you to your hosts - all of them. If the event is large (more than 30 people) and you must leave immediately but your hosts are in the middle of entertaining other guests, you can pull a French leave and slip out without saying goodbye directly - in these situations it is prudent to ask a trusted friend, if present, to pass a goodbye message. However, a follow-up call or message within 24 hours is mandatory to explain why you departed without saying goodbye.

Final Tips

1. Enjoy yourself and have a few drinks if you are so inclined; however do not ruin your host's night by being the guy who after a half-dozen drinks starts making off-color comments and then argues loudly with his girlfriend.

2. Talk with people - I mean, really listen to them, understand what they say, and have a good conversation. If you are the only person who has spoken for the last 10 minutes, you are not having a conversation - you are giving a presentation.

3. Turn the cell phone off and enjoy the moment. Do not put it on silent, as nothing says "Our conversation is less important than some random call" than you peeking at your cell phone every 5 minutes. You can live without Twitter and Facebook for a night.

4. The best way to acquire proper table manners is to practice them at every meal; make them a habit, teach them to your children, and when you need them they will be there.

"The dinner table is the center for the teaching and practicing not just of table manners but of conversation, consideration, tolerance, family feeling, and just about all the other accomplishments of polite society except the minuet." -Judith Martin

Written by
Antonio Centeno
President, www.ATailoredSuit.com
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Table Manners and Dining Etiquette for Men | The Art of Manliness

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"Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot." -Clarence Thomas As a young Marine Corps Officer, I was dumbfounded one afternoon when after training on the Mark19 we transitioned into a class on proper table manners. Taught by a petite older woman, the class covered the basics of dining etiquette.

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Dining Etiquette & Table Manners | AoM Instructional

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Here's a clever way to teach your kids to set a table. Like this video? Check out more from Robin Kramer at pinkdryerlint.com

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A visual video guide for setting the table, accompanied by music. The purpose of this video is to introduce a song that can be easily memorized to assist with remembering where the place setting pieces go when setting the table. You can sing it as you model setting the table for your kids.

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American Etiquette when Travelling to the US

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American Etiquette when Travelling to the US

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United States of America has a history of unified etiquette protocols that may not seem obvious to foreigners. Millions of American families have etiquette books in their library. If you are traveling to the United States on business or for a lengthy stay, you might want to consider consulting Emily Post's Etiquette (first published in 1922 and now in its 18th edition) or Amy Vanderbilt's Etiquette (first published in 1952). Emily Post's name has become synonymous with proper decorum in the States, and remains so even today. Any modern book on etiquette published in the States will cite either of these two historical figures. For more modern situations, you may consult the Emily Post Institute, which will help clear up any confusion on how to best represent yourself in America.

Things NOT To Forget:

Tipping: Restaurant and bar menus indicate prices without sales taxes (which varies by city/county) and tips (15 to 20%), so everything you will order on the menu will end up costing about 21% to 26% more. The sales tax will always be included on the 'check' (bill); the tip is rarely included unless you are dining with a group of 6 or more people -- in this case, many establishments automatically add a tip or 'service charge' or 'gratuity' of between 15% and 20%. Such practices are ordinarily mentioned on the menu. 'Suggested tips' might be mentioned on the bill to aid you in calculating the amount you want to tip. If the tip is not included on the menu, don't forget to add it. Waiters' and waitresses' salaries are small so they depend on tips. If you posses an iPhone or Blackberry, there are applications that calculate tips (many smartphones also include a calculator, which comes in handy.) Since sales tax is often around 9%, an easy way to calculate a tip is to look for the sales tax amount on the check and double it; if it's 9% and you double it, you'll get a figure that is 18% of the 'food/drink' amount. You can provide the tip to the server in one of 2 ways:

1. If you're paying the check with cash, you can pay for the meal (without tip), wait for any change that is due to you and then leave the tip you want 'on the table' before you leave. Sometimes, it's convenient to pay for the meal and tip at the same time. For example, if the check without the tip comes to $20 and you wish to leave a $3 tip, you can simply give the server $23 and it will be understood that the excess is the tip. However, in the above example, if you pay $25, there is some chance that the server will retain the $5 excess (which would reflect a tip of 25%!) so it's sometimes best to pay for the meal + sales tax only (or very close to it, e.g. if the cost without tip comes to $19.50 and you pay with a $20 bill, the server will know to return your 50-cents change since that wouldn't be a typical tip. There are a few ways to avoid any misunderstanding: Option #1: Pay with large enough bills that the server knows that you want change returned. For example, if the check without tip comes to $21 and you have two $20 bills and a $5 bill, don't pay with a $20-bill and a $5-bill unless you want to pay the server the $4 (20%) tip; instead, pay with the two $20-bills and you'll receive $19 in change. Option #2: If all you have is the $5 bill and the $20 bill and you only wish to pay a $3 tip on your $21 meal, then there's a couple of ways to ensure that you receive your correct change: When you present the $25, say to the waiter in a relaxed tone of voice "I'm going to need change, please"; another version of this that might be seen by some as more polite is to ask for the change to be returned in a special way, e.g. "May I have 'change of a dollar' or '4 quarters' as part of the change?" This tells the server that you want change back to include some coins and gives you the ability to tip amounts that are not even dollars. So, for example, if you receive $4 in change with $1 being in quarters, this allows you to tip $2.75, $3, $3.25, etc. While including coins in the tip is acceptable, it's generally frowned upon to include lots of small change (especially pennies) since the servers usually carry their tips with them during their shift and having lots of coins is heavy and noisy.

2. If you're paying with a credit card, you will be asked to 'write in' the tip amount on the credit card slip and then calculate the total including the tip. You then sign the slip and your card is charged the full amount and the restaurant pays the server the tip. Alternatively, you can draw a simple horizontal line on the 'tip line' on the credit card form, repeat the 'total without tip' figure at the bottom of the form and pay the server cash for the tip as outlined in the previous section.

Be aware that there are different type of restaurants that have different 'tipping protocols'. In general, one does not tip at a 'fast food restaurant'. These restaurants (like McDonald's) have a counter where you order your food and where you pick it up. As there is no server, no tip is required. Sometimes, there's a jar on the counter with a sign with the word "tips' on it which is a request for tips which will be split amongst all of the clerks at the end of the shift. If you have some spare coins in your pocket or from your change that you receive from your food purchase, you may toss these in the can but it's not necessarily expected.

In some less expensive 'sit down' (not 'fast food') restaurants where there is an actual server, you might be expected to pay the cashier near the door of the establishment as you are leaving. In such a case, you'll receive a check from the server but you will take the check to the cashier and you'll pay the cashier. ORDINARILY, the server will signal to you where you are to pay your bill in one of a few ways:

1. He/she will tell you: 'Please pay me' or 'Please pay the cashier'. If he/she doesn't, you can ask "Do I pay you?"

2. It will indicate on the check who to pay

3. If the check is delivered on a little tray, IN MOST CASES, that means that the server will take the payment for you, bring to the cashier for payment and return your change. If the check is delivered without a tray, it usually means that you're expected to pay the cashier. If in doubt, ask.

In the case where you pay the cashier, it is perfectly acceptable to ask for change for the tip if the regular change from your purchase won't be sufficient. Say something like: "May I have some change for the tip, please?' or "May I have some singles ($1 bills)?"

Tipping is also common in the service and hospitality industry, from valet to housekeepers at your hotel. $2-$3 tips for valet each time you retrieve your car (none when you give it to the valet) are common. $2 per day for the housekeeper at your hotel, left in the room at the end of your stay is common. A note that says "Thank you" along with the money makes it understood to be a tip rather than money left behind by mistake.

Alcohol Laws. American alcohol laws are a patchwork of rules that vary by state, county, and towns. In some places (primarily in the South), entire counties or towns may prohibit alcohol. In all states, however, the drinking age is set at 21 for both sexes and is fairly well enforced with ID checks by the alcohol seller. Furthermore, it is illegal in most states to provide a minor with alcohol even in the company of his parents. Drinking in public is usually a civil offense in most communities, though many towns and beaches permit alcohol consumption in public (and it is often relaxed a little during public holidays, like the 4th of July: no policeman is going to hunt you down for brandishing a bottle of beer in time to the marching band's music at an Independence Day Jamboree or sitting on the beach in August enjoying a glass of wine at a picnic.) Driving under the influence is very much illegal and could net you a large fine and possibly jail time.

Illicit drugs Drugs have similar risks to alcohol but can have significantly more severe consequences: the more addictive or hallucinogenic, generally, the worse the consequences shall be. American prisons have a disproportionate amount of men incarcerated for involvement in the sale and distribution of drugs: purchasing such items aggravates the problem and encourages more violent crimes like murder. (Recently, the Obama Administration has increased attention to the trouble it causes over the border in Mexico: drug cartels often are intertwined with gang activities in the larger cities of both the U.S. and Mexico and many have already died violent deaths over smuggled drugs like cocaine, marijuana, and heroin.) In the long run, it really isn't worth it if it can cost another man his freedom or his life.

Pets: Bringing a dog or cat with you to America is permitted, provided they go through quarantine. The general rules for having a dog with you in America are that it should be recently vaccinated against rabies prior to arrival and that it can behave itself in public;vaccination for canine distemper is also a plus for dogs. Generally, dogs must be kept on a lead in public and cleaned up after in major cities. They should also have a tag on their collar with your name, full home address, and phone number on them: it is a quick way to identify them if they are lost. They are generally not permitted in stores or on public transportation unless they are service animals (such as guide dogs or such), but smaller ones are allowed if they are kept in a pet carrier. Dogs are allowed in nearly all parks (including national parks) and many city parks in fact have special areas for them to run and play with other dogs in. Not all hotels permit pets in them, so ask your travel agent or a hotel chain about which hotels allow pets in them. There may be additional charges or deposits for having pets in your room. Additionally, pets are not to be left alone in the room and if they cause disturbances you and your pet may be asked to leave the hotel. Any repairs needed due to damages done by the pet will be charged to your credit card. Dogs and cats are revered as pets in the USA. Americans are repulsed by the idea of any discussion of eating their pets. It is also ideal to microchip pet dogs with your contact information in case your dog gets lost. The microchip and the name tag are critical if picked up by the local authorities who might be a shelter that will euthanize dogs that are not adopted or claimed within a short period of time.

Sexuality: The age of majority in America is 18 years nationwide for both sexes. Those caught soliciting a minor may face time in jail and there are no exceptions to this rule: statutory rape is a serious crime the law enforces rigorously and embassies may be in a position to do very little to assist you if you are arrested aside from helping to hire a lawyer. Prostitution is also illegal although occasionally found in areas of ill repute, those caught soliciting a prostitute may face similar penalties and problems. (The prostitutes themselves also get punished with up to several years in jail themselves.)

Police: Police officers on foot and on horseback are a very common sight in American cities; New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Houston, Philadelphia, Miami, and San Francisco have highly trained professionals. They deal with everything, from stopping a Los Angeles city bus for stopping violations to much worse and more dangerous situations, like the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy or the Boston Bombing of 2013. Generally speaking a visitor will see these men and women both on and off duty, and one of their key jobs is keeping the peace during festivals like the Fourth of July or for parades; they also patrol the beat on weekends near bars to make sure order is kept around alcohol. Unlike many countries, American police often wear guns, and are trained to use them. However, unlike the movies, they do not typically use them unless they absolutely have to do it, like in cases of armed robbery, assault, rape, or other violent crimes, and though that Smith and Wesson looks frightening to a visitor, it is unlikely the cop wearing it is going to use it unless he thinks you might be a member of an international crime syndicate. That being said, one should always treat the policeman with respect, and call him or her "officer". The policeman can be quite helpful in sorting out where to go if you are lost and can be a great asset if you feel a business is trying to scam you, but he will not help you if you never ask nor if you treat him as a paid grunt, with no respect. That being said, never attempt to touch the gun on his hip and do not ever attempt to bribe him, since the first is a very dangerous move and the second is a serious crime -you will be arrested for this and brought in front of a judge, with a very heavy penalty.
Things To Avoid (general):

Controversial topics may include politics, religion, homosexuality, racism, abortion, criticism of the government, and criticism of an individual's patriotism. As in any country, locals generally do not take too kindly to constant criticisms of their government by foreigners. Make sure you know the political leanings and temperaments of those around you before broaching such topics.

Discussions of wealth or money. Americans generally do not discuss how much money they make or how much they paid for certain high-end items (such as houses, cars, boats, TV systems, etc.) cost. It is considered very rude to ask and is even more uncomfortable to discuss.

Smoking.It is illegal for anyone under the age of 18 to smoke. Buying cigarettes for a minor can range anywhere from a $500.00 fine to Jail Time. Smoking restrictions vary greatly from place to place, from having no restrictions at all to complete city-wide bans. Smoking is prohibited on airplanes and in any public resturant entirely-it is seen as a fire risk (this includes smoking in the toilet of the plane: you may force the plane to land if you are caught; Once on the ground, laws may be enacted by individual states, counties, and cities. Some laws even limit outdoor smoking by prohibiting smoking within a certain distance from a building's entrance. Observe to see if others around you are smoking, or ask if anyone minds before doing so. Fines for smoking in a prohibited place range in amount from $50 on up to $1,000, plus offenders may be thrown out of an establishment for violating house rules, sometimes barred forever. Americans rarely walk around when smoking. They find a place that allows smoking (away from restricted areas) and usually stay in one place until done with their cigarette. It is considered rude to walk in crowds with a lit cigarette as this could end with someone being burned. Children especially in America are not on the lookout for such dangers and since they are right at the height of the burning embers are at increased risk. Always safely dispose of your cigarette, don't throw it out of the car window or on the ground. Littering can get you a ticket or jail time if you start a fire.

Loud cell phone usage. It is considered very rude to speak loudly on cell phones anywhere, including outdoors, but especially in enclosed, public places such as trains, restaurants, museums, waiting rooms, and elevators. If you notice that people are not speaking at all, take your call outside and speak only as loudly as required to make yourself heard to the person you are calling. It is considered uncouth to make phone calls in a rest room. As for being in any kind of audience at the opera, theatre, cinema, places of worship, or lectures/classes talking on your phone is out of the question, having it ring is also bad form. While texting is rude in this circumstance also - it is less likely to raise ire if done quickly and quietly to inform someone of a delay, or that the program has started. Younger people are more likely to think nothing of texting wherever they please, but that does not mean that it is accepted.

Having your phone make noise or light up in a dark environment will anger people even though they may not immediately say something. It is policy in some movie theaters to eject you without a refund for texting. Being assaulted for ignoring requests to stop this behavior is also not wholly outside the realm of possibility.

Hugging, kissing or touching. Most Americans prefer a firm handshake as a first greeting. Hugging is reserved for close family members and friends. Kissing people in greeting is a more intimate affair: it's usually done only in the context of relatives, lovers, and friends; it is sometimes controversial when performed between members of the same gender. Also, refrain from touching people during conversation unless you know them well, as it generally makes them uncomfortable. When it is a kiss, friends and family typically get kissed on one cheek and lovers on the mouth. (Once an American does embrace or kiss you, however, it is a guaranteed sign you have made a friend for life or sometimes something more. Spontaneous bear hugs are not uncommon if an American grows fond of you!)

Personal space. Americans usually talk to each other from a distance of about two feet (.6 meters); any closer is viewed as uncomfortable. (Closer contact is reserved for closer accquaintances-the barrier shall break down as they get to know you.)

First names. In general, most Americans, even in a business setting, will prefer to be called by their first name. However, it is a good rule of thumb to address them by their title (Mr., Mrs., Ms., Dr., or Professor, in general) and last name (e.g., Mr. Anderson) until you are specifically told otherwise. Americans may also address you by your first name immediately after being introduced to you; this is not considered rude at all and reflects the more casual style of Americans.

Miss, Ms. or Mrs. There seems to be some controversy, perhaps regional, over the usage of Miss (pronounced "miss"), Ms. (pronounced "miz") or Mrs. (pronounced "miss-iz"). Generally speaking, it is polite to call a lady Ms. at first, unless you are prompted otherwise. An American woman will let you know what she wants to be called, or if she wants to let you know she is married.

"Sir" and "Madam." Many countries outside the USA use the term "Sir" or "Madam" when greeting someone new, and it is a respectful introduction before the person's details are known. Within most of the U.S. "Madam" is only heard as a title for an elected person ("Madam Secretary [of State]"). In the military, a man of higher rank is addressed as "sir" and woman of higher rank is addressed as ma'am. However, it is not uncommon to hear sales people interact with their customers using these expressions of courtesy. In some households children are still taught to always address adults by including "sir" or "ma'am". The word "Lady..." is not ever used to gain the attention of a woman or address her directly. "Miss" or "Ma'am" is correct.

No means NO in big block letters, not ask again. American women do not always dress in a way that is considered modest or respectful in another country, but it could be quite acceptable in the region where they live. Short skirts, sleeveless blouses, wearing makeup or perfume is not automatically considered provocative. Behaviors such as smiling at you or showing cleavage is also considered ordinary and acceptable in most cases and IT DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN SHE WANTS SEXUAL ATTENTION AND IT REALLY, REALLY DOESN'T MEAN SHE WANTS TO BE TOUCHED. Women are legally, politically, and professionally the equal of a man in America. The way a woman dresses is a sign of her style and femininity primarily. It is a very, VERY big mistake to assume anything else. If you attempt to make advances and she reacts with surprise or negativity it really, truly, undoubtedly means no, never, not going to happen.

As a warning to those from East Asia, India, Russia, the Middle East, or parts of Eastern Europe, many a man has found he has gotten a good hard slap across the face or a kick in the crotch for mistaking a woman's mode of dress as an invitation for his attention. Business deals have been irrevocably lost because some fool tried to proposition a woman in a low cut business suit in the elevator...and found out she was the CEO!

So-called "Eve teasing" as practiced in India and other areas of the world is absolutely 100% out of bounds and can land a young man in a great deal of trouble with the law. It falls under the legal code of most states as sexual harassment and can lose a man his job, his freedom, or possibly his dignity. Furthermore, a woman is legally allowed to defend herself if assaulted and persisting in making unwanted advances may result in a crowd of angry men sorting you out, that's if the woman hasn't already done so herself by using something called "pepper spray", which is somewhat like tear gas.

Spitting Spitting is unacceptable in any public setting except for baseball players on a field. If you have a cold and cannot avoid spitting up phlegm, use a tissue and then throw it away.

Public urination and defecation In the United States, public urination and defecation is illegal and very much frowned upon unless you are in a wilderness area-it is considered a health hazard and potential scenario which will anger locals, since they do not even allow dogs to defecate unless the mess is cleaned up. For example, if two parents encourage their young child to drop his trousers and defecate on the sidewalk, it is a certainty that they will be stopped dead in their tracks, the local police will be called, the policeman write up a report and hand them an order telling them they must report to a judge, and that judge will most likely slap a very heavy fine on the parents totaling thousands of dollars, not to mention giving them a good dressing down in front of the entire court. Foreigners will not be given clemency in this scenario, since it is expected that a child should be potty trained sometime between age two and four.

If a small child needs to relieve him or herself, take him or her into the nearest bathroom (most restaurants and public buildings will allow it regardless of whether or not you are a patron and few managers turn away the desperate) and assist the child if needed. If traveling with a baby, most restaurants and publicly funded places like museums and monuments have bathrooms that include a place to change the baby's diaper and clean him/her off (split pants are very impractical in a climate that can get extremely cold or extremely hot, sometimes in the space of one day.) Wet sanitary wipes designed for baby are available in any pharmacy, supermarket, or gas station, and diapers in the first two of these.

Chewing with your mouth wide open Generally, an American will forgive you for the occasional slip of the mouth opening while chewing one's food, but generally don't like it when a person chews with their maw wide open and may or may not be talking. It will distract them from most of what you are saying, so kindly chew and swallow first.

Picking your nose This activity is considered childish by Americans and makes you appear uncouth. Do not do it in view of others.

Bathing Customs surrounding bathing vary around the world. Americans typically bathe once a day in hot water and shower directly after strenuous exercise. They also use underarm deodorant: if you have not brought any with you it is recommended you buy some as hot, humid summer weather or stressful business meetings are no excuse if people smell you before they see you. Americans will back away from and not befriend or do business with people who smell bad.

Shaving American women typically shave their armpits and legs. This practice is not universal, but some people will have a strong reaction to armpit or leg hair on a woman. For men, shaving is often a personal choice and how one wears his facial hair is often his business, thought generally keeping beards and mustaches trimmed and neat is preferred.

Hand Washing It is 'good hygiene' to wash one's hands after using the toilet or if you one is about to handle food (many American families wash their hands before gathering around the dinner table, for example; this is what is meant by "washing up.") In many restaurants you may notice a sign demanding that employees wash hands before returning to work: it is the law in many places, in order to prevent disease from spreading. Foreign visitors would not at all be considered exempt from the practice of hand washing.

Flatulence: Bathroom humor is a staple of comedy in America, but it is also a taboo as well: Lifting your behind up and breaking wind in front of somebody is not a good idea, and would certainly be the end of any business or personal relationship with a woman. Burping loudly is not a compliment to the chef in the U.S. It is frowned upon and is actually very poor manners.

Public Transportation Courtesy:

Boarding: It is typical policy for most buses to board from the front door, unless if policy says it is allowed to board other entrances with proof of payment. Passengers should never evade paying their fare to ride public buses by entering through the rear door and board the bus until all passengers, including elderly passengers exit first. On subway cars, is is basic courtesy for boarding passengers to line-up on the sides of subway train doors and permit exiting passengers to leave directly out of the doors.

Exiting: Passengers on buses should get the bus operator's attention by pulling on the cord near the window or a designated button located on poles on the vehicle. The "bell" should be rung at least one half of a block to permit the bus driver to make a smooth stop at the designated bus stop. Late activation of the "bell" system may result in the stop being intentionally skipped, force the vehicle to stop immediately, stop several feet away from the designated stop, or cause passengers to be upset. On all transit vehicles, passengers should be prepared to exit the vehicle by moving towards the exit doors, and should never be seated when the vehicle arrives at the stop.

Elderly and Disabled: Federal law and some state and local policies require front seats on buses to be vacated for the elderly and disabled passengers. On subway cars, seats located nearest to the doors are designated for this purpose as well. It is also respectable to permit elderly and disabled passengers to exit the vehicle first as a sign of courtesy and respect, and to permit them additional time to exit the vehicle safely.

Pregnant: If a lady is obviously pregnant and needs assistance getting on or off of a bus or train, it is considered polite to help her, especially if she is carrying bags or the like; on large public buses (like those in New York City) similar rules of etiquette apply as if she were elderly (it is considered polite to give up one's seat so she can sit down.) When in doubt as to whether she wants assistance, ask her first and then proceed. Make room for her if possible: remember, she is carrying something much more precious than just a grocery bag!

Seating: Passengers should extend courtesy by not taking more than one seat on the vehicle, and especially in situations where the vehicle is crowded. Passengers sitting at a window seat with a passenger sitting in the aisle seat, and requiring to exit should have the passenger in the aisle seat stand up and move away from the seat to permit exiting. In no fashion is it proper for an aisle seat passenger to turn to their side.

Standing: On buses with front door boarding, it is typically required for passengers to move to the rear of the vehicle to allow the most passengers to board the vehicle. Passengers sometimes fear it is not acceptable to move to the rear of the bus as it has been stereotyped that the rear of the vehicle is common for "thugs" and other non savory people; while some people believe in this stereotype, this may be an advantage to find an open seat. In a situation where passengers do not move to the rear and stay within the first half of the bus, the driver may assume the entire vehicle is full and cannot pickup any more passengers, thus making passengers at stops become frustrated and forcing them to wait for another vehicle. On all vehicles (including subway cars), it is disrespectful to stand near doors and block the exit, especially when it is not your stop.

Eating and Drinking: consumption of food and beverages is typically against transit policy for a number of reasons, but is not limited to spills, garbage left on vehicles, and increased risk of fire on subway lines using the electric third rail.

Bicycles and Baby Carriages: Many public transportation agencies permit bicycles onboard buses because of the installation of bicycle racks, typically on the front of the vehicle that extends when unfolded. On some light rail and subway cars, they may have bicycle racks installed in designated areas or an open area used for either wheelchair passengers or bicycles. Baby Carriages are permitted onboard all public transit vehicles, as long as it can be collapsed.

Cellular Telephones and Music: Basic courtesy is required when using cell phones and listening to music. Passengers should limit usage of a cellular telephone or force the call to their voicemail account, and earphones are required for all music devices.

Passenger Contact: Passengers are typically uncomfortable having conversations with other passengers that are not their friends, family, or of any personal relationship; they shall be initially wary of somebody they do not know but will let their guard down once it is clear that the person trying to converse with them has good intentions. In some cases, passengers may spontaneously assist visitors and tourists who may be unfamiliar with the public transportation system: visitors should not be afraid to ask for help especially if there is an emergency. Passengers are also uncomfortable of passengers who stare at others, thus people "minding their own business." Further, if somebody has a pair of earphones on and is listening to music or is reading something, it usually is a signal they would like some privacy: they should only be interrupted when it is absolutely necessary.

Operator Contact: Most public transportation agencies permit passengers to ask questions on destinations, or request for basic assistance to their destination. All public transit operators discourage passengers to have unnecessary conversations with the operator, particularly if he or she is already driving the vehicle.

A Day at the Seaside, Waterpark, or Swimming Pool

As in many places all over the world, fun in the sun is a perfectly acceptable and beloved pastime for people of all ages: most Americans would consider it a total waste not to utilize the nearly 20 thousand km of coastline or hundreds of swimming pools available during summer: Florida and the Los Angeles area alone have all three, for example. There are a few things to remember, however:

Attire: Most attire found in Europe and Australia is perfectly acceptable: that pair of male Speedos in a traveler's suitcase may be a bit less commonly worn, it may raise a few amused eyebrows or a few good natured chuckles, but certainly won't spook the locals into a Puritanical frenzy. (Locals may recommend, however, wearing board shorts or wet suits to surfers or swimmers in the Northeast as the water is a little colder than southern France, Hong Kong, or Queensland). Women do not go topless in swimming pools. It is a perfectly acceptable practice to utilize a tee shirt to prevent severe burns on snorkelers and patrons of waterslides alike.

Red Tide: Normally, it is perfectly safe to swim in the water-stories like the ones seen in Jaws are complete fiction told entirely to scare people and nothing more. However, in some places it is common for a condition known as red tide to appear: it basically means an algal bloom has appeared in the water and is a natural, normal nuisance that happens every few years and has occurred since the dawn of time (the Puritans hated it, too.) When red tide is present in the water, it can become unsafe to swim in the water: if the news mentions this condition please take it seriously as those who ignore it may die from being poisoned. (Eating seafood taken from these waters during this time is equally a bad idea as well: toxins may leach into their flesh.)

Shower: Most public pools and some waterparks will ask patrons to take a few minutes to rinse themselves before entering the water. The idea is to wash off any oils or debris, such as sand that prevents the pool from staying cleaning or keep a sanitary pH balance.

Food and picnics: It is perfectly an acceptable practice to bring a picnic lunch or snacks to the beach but not waterparks as the latter generally already has facilities where food is sold. At some beaches you may be able to bring something called a hibachi grill (a small portable charcoal grill) if you desire to grill some lunch and these are typically inexpensive and also available in supermarkets, but take care to ask the store clerk/hotel concierge about the policy of the local beach first.

Clean beaches and clean water: Overall, it is also encouraged that you clean up after yourself and throw away all garbage before you leave any beach or when on any boat: there are many places where animals like sea turtles, manatees, and shorebirds will use the same beach to nest on or water to feed in and many of these animals receive some protection from the government already: those that don't do their part may face fines in thousands of dollars or disgrace themselves when they see a turtle strangled by a six pack holder later in the week. If you are on a boat and using the water , DO NOT DUMP ANYTHING OVER THE SIDE. Wait until you make berth and dispose of waste onshore.

Topless sunbathing: it should be remembered that not all places allow for ladies to sunbathe topless, especially in areas designed for families with young children. In large commercial waterparks, (i.e., Typhoon Lagoon, Wet n' Wild, etc.) this is an absolute no-no. If topless sunbathing is something you prefer to do, it might be better to check if the beaches in the area you are visiting allow it (there are absolutely places where this is possible but it is is normally not the case, as traditionally only small babies and toddlers are allowed to strip down.)

At the Dinner Table

Eating a pizza: Many guidebooks will tell you that you are not supposed to eat pizza with a knife and fork, and they would be right: mostly, this will make you look overly fastidious. There is only one type of pizza that is ever eaten with a knife and fork, and this is Chicago deep dish pizza: the only reason that it is consumed this way is because deep dish pizza is a literal pizza "pie," and it is too thick and messy to pick up and bite into for the first couple bites, without sauce, cheese, and/or toppings falling on you. It is perfectly fine to eat the rest with your hands, once the slice is about half eaten. To eat the average, triangle shaped pizza, take the pizza and fold it in half, so that you get a slightly smaller triangle. Take the pointy end and put it in your mouth. Chew. Swallow. Repeat until you get to the crust (eating this part is a matter of taste.) Wipe your mouth with your napkin as you go to remove any excess sauce.

Eating a sandwich. All sandwiches are eaten as finger food, including hamburgers. The general rule is that if you see a comestible that is between two pieces of bread, pick it up by the breaded parts, open wide, and bite. Do not worry if little bits of the meat or vegetables on the roll fall out-this happens with the larger sandwiches and that is what the paper it is wrapped in is for.

Where is the finger bowl?!! The short answer: there isn't one. There never will be one. Americans are not noted for having an elaborate spread of different kinds of flatware and tableware for an average meal and only reserve such for special occasions, like Christmas or somebody's wedding (this is also reflected in high end restaurants as well.) For most of the nation's history the average citizen couldn't even afford such a spread, and it is considered downright mean spirited to berate somebody over it. Certain pieces of tableware and flatware, in fact, are downright rarely used: egg cups, finger bowls, chafing dishes, crusets, oyster forks, and so on rarely even make it to the table in the most formal setting. The custom is similar only to Europe in that utensils are placed in order of use, but the average meal will only consist of a tumbler, a plate, a dinner fork, a knife, and a spoon.

His hands are in his lap!! Yes, that is normal. If you aren't eating, it is polite to have your hands either rested in your lap or casually laid out on the table, so you are comfortable while you chat. The thinking isn't that you are hiding something under the table with your hands. You are just sitting patiently waiting for either the next course or for the bill, so you might as well be comfortable.

Switching Hands Europeans typically eat with their left hand and cut with their right. When eating food, they usually put the food in the mouth so that the tines of the fork curve in to the mouth, like a backwards facing "c". When cutting up their meat, they usually cut it into pieces as they go and load the fork up using the knife. The European manner of eating is how children are taught not to eat in the U.S! However, it would be odd, if not rude for an American to criticize any visitor for it.

This is totally different from the American style of eating dinner. In America, you are expected to eat with whatever hand you use to write with. Hence, right handed people, or the majority of the table, will be expected to cut up their meat and potatoes into small, bite sized bits and then switch the fork back to their dominant hand. Most shall eat their supper one piece at a time, tasting the side dishes and main meat individually in stations rather than loading up the fork and eating it all at once. If you are naturally left handed, then proceed to eat lefty, and watch the others: they will be eating their food with the tines facing up, not down, spearing their food and putting it in their mouths, or shoveling it in, as done with foods like peas or mashed potato.

Pass it around In homes, dishes are usually passed around in a circle so that each person can get a share of food; families and friends never eat out of one large communal bowl in the middle as it is a risk for getting the whole family sick all at once. If you find you are in a home and do not want one of the dishes being passed around, it is perfectly alright to refuse-just pass it along. When you are finished, leave a small amount on your plate and leave your fork and knife off to the side: it means to the hostess or waitress, "I am done."

What is a doggie bag? A doggie bag is not exclusively for table scraps for the dog. When somebody asks for a doggie bag in a restaurant it means that they are full of whatever they have been eating and although they cannot finish it they would like to take home the remaining portion of the meal so they can reheat it and eat it at some later time. The term 'doggie bag' is somewhat passe now; most people just ask for a 'to go' box or simply 'a box'. ("To go" is the American version of Europe's 'take away') It is not an insult to the cook at all and for Americans it is considered wasteful to do otherwise, if not just financially practical.

Needs Salt In American restaurants, the customer is always right. If you find that your dish arrives at the table too cold, too hot, or not to your liking because it doesn't taste very good you may tell your waiter to send it back to the kitchen where the cooks in the back will either attempt to fix it for you or possibly bring you something else. Most often if you voice your displeasure (and if there really is something very wrong with the order) the manager or owner of the restaurant will take it off the check as compensation. In other situations, if you find your dish needs a condiment or seasoning to make your meal more enjoyable, simply ask the waiter for it: it is not an insult to the cook and happens all the time

Common gestures considered friendly:

Waving: Done by moving the entire hand from left to right, with the palm facing outward, waving can indicate both greeting and saying goodbye. It depends upon the context.

Showing approval. Unlike in some Middle Eastern cultures, the "OK" sign or the "thumbs up" sign indicate approval. (A double thumbs up means eager approval.)

The peace sign. The " peace sign" or " victory sign" is not considered rude, even when done backwards (although this is not the correct form, and is considered insulting by the British). It is used in America sometimes as a goodbye gesture or to convey happiness over victory, or that somebody would like two of something. If it is done behind somebody's head when they are not looking it is meant as a practical joke (especially in photographs) and implies "bunny ears."

Devil horns, corna: These do not have the same meaning that they have in Europe. In American Sign Language, it is a shorthand sign meaning, " I love you" as it incorporates the signs for I, L, and Y when the thumb is turned out. (American Sign Language is based on French, not British or Australian Sign Language.) Among the hearing, it is a common symbol for American football fans at the University of Texas at Austin: the school mascot is a Texas longhorn steer, known for having huge, sharp, wideset horns: the hand gesture resembles a bull's horns. Among heavy metal fans it is an older symbol that was originally associated with the devil (it probably started at Black Sabbath concerts.) Today it usually means "Rock on!" and indicates a person at a rock concert is enjoying the music a lot and it may be accompanied by either a lit cigarette lighter raised high in the air or vigorous jerking of the head up and down with the eyes shut.

Shaka: This is a common gesture among surfers and is especially common among Hawaiians: it is a very friendly gesture that can either mean, "Hang loose, dude!" or "Hello, how are you?!" It is done by folding over all the fingers except the thumb and pinky, with the back of the hand facing the person being greeted.

Chest bump: This is often done at sporting events, and usually among males. It is when two men will face each other, jump in the air, and bump chests, often with a grunt following. It is done as a means of macho celebration of something good happening, like somebody scoring a basket in basketball.

Smile Some people think Americans are phony or stupid because they smile so much. This is really not the case. The smile is just a sign of a genuinely happy fellow and otherwise it is the one gesture that is understood around the world as friendly. Considering that America is one of the most diverse nations on earth, it makes sense to smile as a nonverbal way of saying, "I am friendly. Hello world!!"

Common gestures that are obscene and should be avoided:

The middle finger. Raising the middle finger usually referred to as "the finger," is seen as highly offensive and provocative. Avoid using it, even when pointing to objects or scratching your face.

Flicking one's hand under the chin: this has a similar meaning to the middle finger, except the offender is telling the receiver to do it to himself. When scratching your chin and neck, separate your fingers and go up and down. It is impossible to mistake your intent this way.

Placing one's arm at the crease of the other arm's elbow, then raising the opposite arm with the fingers of the fist facing the offender.This gesture is a little older than the finger and is still sometimes used; it has the same meaning.

Splitting the ring finger and middle finger apart and flicking the tongue in between them: This is EXTREMELY offensive, especially to a woman: essentially it implies she is a tramp and it reduces her to her privates. Though difficult to do by accident, it is one of the worst insults that can be directed at a person nonverbally and is most certainly worth knowing about, for women and boyfriends alike.

Making a sideways fist, fingers facing the receiver, moving it left and right and simultaneously poking the inside of the opposite cheek with the tongue so it bulges out: This also has the same meaning as above and is equally offensive: it resembles fellatio and implies this is all the woman it is directed at is capable of achieving in life. (it may be performed by members of both sexes, thus.)

Social Courtesy:

Staring: It is typical policy while walking in public not to stare at others. A quick glance to familarize oneself with the environment is fine, however, to continously stare at someone because they are different or from another country is totally unacceptable.

LOL: It may be socially acceptable to Laugh Out Loud in a chat room, but laughing in public, especially at total strangers is a very offensive, and uneducated behavior! Beside disrespecting those unfortunately nearby, one is disrespected socially and seen as an insecure, empty social reject (to say the least).

Passage: It is common when walking in a group to yield to others by making space for them to pass without having to brush up against or 'beg' to use the public sidewalk.

Shopping: When shopping, it is not acceptable to get very close to another shopper in an attempt to make him move away from a product you also want to see. You must wait until he/she has left the area in front of the product or you may say, "excuse please" and quickly reach for the item and then move aside.

At the Checkout Counter: When waiting to pay for your item you must get in line. Breaking ahead of others in line or trying to get the cashier's attention for more than a moment can infuriate people in line and may result in your being told to wait your turn or even thrown out of the shop. At no time is it appropriate to go behind the counter where the clerk stands! Also, make up your mind what you want to buy before going to the cashier. People behind you do not want to wait for you to make a decision. If you do not understand the discounts and coupons being offered by the store, go to the customer service desk (not the cashier) or find another employee who is not cashiering and ask that person. Generally, Americans understand that others are busy people who often are in a hurry and most of them try hard not to inconvenience others.

Walking on sidewalks or Driving on Road: Americans drive on the right-side of the road and walk to the right on a sidewalk. It is polite to move over to the right especially if you are a group of people while only one person is walking toward you.

Also it should be noted it is not acceptable to refer to cigarettes as "fags" as this is an incredibly offensive term for a homosexual man and may result in bodily harm.

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United States: Customs, Habits, and Etiquette

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United States of America has a history of unified etiquette protocols that may not seem obvious to foreigners. Millions of American families have etiquette books in their library. If you are traveling to the United States on business or for a lengthy stay, you might want to consider consulting Emily Post's Etiquette (first published in 1922 and now in its 18th edition) or Amy Vanderbilt's Etiquette (first published in 1952).

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Emily post style!

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The Basic Table Setting is easy to master and comes in handy at home, over the holidays and at restaurants.

For a basic table setting, here are two great tips to help you-or your kids-remember the order of plates and utensils:

1. Picture the word "FORKS." The order, left to right, is: F for Fork, O for the Plate (the shape!), K for Knives and S for Spoons. (Okay, you have to forget the R, but you get the idea!)

2. Holding your hands in front of you, touch the tips of your thumbs to the tips of your forefingers to make a lowercase 'b' with your left hand and a lowercase 'd' with your right hand. This reminds you that "bread and butter" go to the left of the place setting and "drinks" go on the right. Emily Post could have used that trick-she was often confused about which bread and butter belonged to her-and sometimes she used her neighbor's! In which case, when it was called to her attention, she would say to the dismayed lady or gentleman, "Oh, I am always mixing them up. Here, please take mine!"

Some other things to know:

Knife blades always face the plate

The napkin goes to the left of the fork, or on the plate

The bread and butter knife is optional

To see informal and formal place settings, click here to go back to the main Table Setting page

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Basic Table Setting - The Emily Post Institute, Inc.

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The Basic Table Setting is easy to master and comes in handy at home, over the holidays and at restaurants. For a basic table setting, here are two great tips to help you-or your kids-remember the order of plates and utensils: Picture the word "FORKS."

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Manners Quotes from BrainyQuote, an extensive collection of quotations by famous authors, celebrities, and newsmakers.

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American vs. Continental

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To view the next video in this series click: http://www.monkeysee.com/play/2253 In this video, etiquette expert Nancy R. Mitchell, The Etiquette Advocate, guides viewers through established rules and nuances of dining etiquette. Segments presented cover responding to an invitation; dos and taboos at table; navigating a place setting; use of utensils, including American vs.

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Seinfeld Snickers with Fork and Knife Epidemic

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Seinfeld Snickers with Fork and Knife Epidemic

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When manners go too far!

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everyone starts picking up a new eating trend.