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1. Texting “Hey, I’m running 20 minutes late” is not as acceptable as making the effort to be on time.

2. If you can’t attend an event that you’re formally invited to, don’t think that not RSVPing is the same as declining. And don’t RSVP at the last minute for an event that involves real planning by the host.

3. Show some decency around the office refrigerator: If you didn’t put the food in, don’t eat it. And take your leftovers home or throw them out before they morph into some radioactive nightmare.

4. Don’t bellow on your cell phone. Just because you can’t hear the other person well doesn’t mean the other person can’t hear you well.

5. Turn off the phone at a dinner party, and be in the moment. You’re annoying at least one person who thinks you have no social skills. At bare minimum, turn off the ringer so you can text and conspire in relative stealth.

6. Remember that if you feel a need to respond immediately to every incoming text, you’ll lose more in the eyes of the person who’s in front of you than you’ll gain from the unseen people who are benefiting from your efficiency.

7. When you get to the front of the line at Starbucks, don’t tell the barista to wait while you wrap up your phone discussion. The barista hates you, and so does everyone behind you. They are hoping the barista spits in your latte.

8. If you come late to an exercise class, don’t think you’re entitled to barge your way to your favorite spot in the front.  And don’t block others from weight racks or other equipment—just step back three feet and make everyone happy.

9. Keep personal conversations and arguments off social networking sites. The dramatic airing of grievances is best done through texting .

10. Moderate your use of cameras and video at events. Enjoy your time with colleagues, friends and family in the present and preserve only a memento for the future, rather than recording the entire thing to “relive” later in some “free” time that you’ll never actually have.

11. Remember how easily e-gossip can be forwarded along to the wrong person.

12. Just because you’re wearing headphones doesn’t mean you can tune out from social courtesies. For example, if you accidentally cross someone’s personal space, apologize graciously.

13. Don’t lend someone a book or item unless they specifically ask for it. They’re probably too busy to ever get around to it. They’ll feel guilty about that, and you’ll be annoyed that they didn’t appreciate it or even get around to returning it.

14. Don’t RSVP for an event, then not show. Now you’re not just being rude, but you’re costing the host money, and you’ve probably kept a lonely soul from being invited as a backup.

15. Don’t be the first or second person to talk on your cell phone in a public space (like a bus or train). If everyone’s doing it, you’re allowed some slack here.

16. Don’t show up at a party empty-handed, unless you’ve been instructed to — and sometimes not even then. Bring dessert or a plant.

17. Don’t make your dietary requirements everyone else’s dilemma. As one friend reminds me, “People who can eat dairy don’t just keep coconut oil-based butter around.”

18. If your children are invited to a friend’s house to play, they (and you) should also feel invited to help with the cleanup.

19. Don’t break up with someone by text. And don’t announce a death in the family by text. There are still times when phones or face-to-face are the best way to go.

20. Don’t take photos for posting on the People of Walmart page.

21. Don’t discuss sensitive personal issues on Facebook, especially if you’ve friended coworkers.

22. Your dog is cute, but he or she doesn’t have a pass to go anywhere. “I’m a huge dog lover,” says one colleague, “but don’t assume it’s okay to bring along your dog to my house. I can barely stand what my own dogs do to my house … I also don’t like people who bring their animals to Petco. Seriously, do you think your dog likes to shop? It’s just you seeking attention. You probably don’t even need anything at Petco… you’re just there because you can bring your dog in, and you think it’s cool to bring a dog out in public. Dogs don’t shop. They would rather be sniffing the pee on that trashcan outside by the front door than walking on slippery retail flooring.”

23. Double-check that your headphones are plugged-in before streaming your favorite Spotify station.

24. Don’t say, “I’m having a party. Bring your own food and drink.” That’s not a party.

25. If you’ve been invited to an event, be reluctant to ask for an upper ceiling on how many friends and relatives you can bring.

26. And finally, all the classics still apply. One working mother offers a quick review here:

Chew with your mouth closed; don’t talk with food in your mouth; keep your elbows off of the table while eating; wash your hands after going to the restroom. My children know better—so why do I see adults exhibiting such poor behavior? If you bump into someone, say excuse me. Don’t reach across someone’s face. Don’t board a plane when they’re loading group A and you are in group D. Don’t stay behind the crosswalk when you are making a left turn and thus prevent anyone else behind you from turning. Don’t let your kids act like wild monkeys in a restaurant. Don’t touch someone’s belly when she’s pregnant–or even when she isn’t. Don’t leave cupboard doors and drawers open—someone can get hurt. And don’t pull up to the exit gate in a parking lot without your ticket handy.”

That may seem like a lot, and to some it may seem like an uptight way to live. But just remember the basic success principle underlying all manners: Think about other people’s feelings first because it’s still not all about you.

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If you think sitting up straight and keeping your elbows off the table is a bother, be grateful you weren't a child of America's early settlers. Back then, children didn't even get to sit at the table. They stood behind the adults and ate whatever was handed to them.

Later, children were allowed to sit at the table, but they couldn't speak unless an adult spoke to them. They couldn't ask for a dish, either. They had to wait until a grownup offered it to them. It was also considered rude to fidget, sing, or look at someone else who was eating.

Table manners are even older than tables. About 9,000 years ago, people cooked soups in pots. They dipped spoons of wood or bone into the cooking pot to eat. The first rules about eating determined who could dip into the pot first. Today some Inuit families in the Arctic still follow the tradition of eating from a common pot. Men get to dip in first, then women and children. Sometimes they don't use spoons. They just pick out pieces of meat with their fingers.

Eating with the fingers is a common custom. For about a thousand years, Romans and Greeks ate while lying on their sides on couches, with their heads pointed toward the table. One hand propped them up, the other handled the food. The Roman Empire finally fell in AD 476, and reclining dining customs disappeared as well.

Eating with the fingers never disappeared. Some Arab families still follow this custom. They use only the first three fingers of the right hand. In northern India, some diners use only the fingertips of the right hand, but in the south both hands are OK. In fact, far more people eat with fingers or chopsticks than use forks and spoons. But everyone has rules about eating politely.

Table manners became quite important in Europe in the 1100s. That's when people developed the idea of courtesy - how to behave in court. Soon these rules began appearing in written texts.

The rules about eating were meant to make the experience pleasant, thoughtful, and tidy. Early texts instructed diners to keep their elbows down and not to speak with their mouths full. Polite diners were not to pick their teeth with their knives or be greedy.

In 1530, a Dutchman named Erasmus wrote a book on manners titled "On Civility in Children." Erasmus told people not to blow their noses or spit at the table, and never to put chewed bones back on their plates. (The polite thing then was to throw bones on the floor. That gave the dogs something to eat.)

In those days, people didn't have regular dining tables. At mealtimes, boards were laid across trestles and covered with cloth. (That's where "setting the table" comes from.) At banquets, no individual plates were used, only large serving platters. Two people shared each soup bowl and used squares of stale bread as plates. The edible plates were called trenchers. After the meal, they were given to the poor.

During the Crusades, between AD 1000 and 1300, even knights had to learn manners. They were often paired with a lady at dinner, sharing food and drinking glasses. Knights learned not to lick their fingers, but to wipe them on the tablecloth. They were also told not to smack their lips, snort, or put their faces in their food.

In the 1300s, the Renaissance arrived. So did the fork. And new table customs evolved. People ate from plates, and everyone had his own cup. Fingers were to be wiped on napkins, not tablecloths. Bones were not to be thrown on the floor, but left on the plate. Manners kept moving toward cleanliness and order.

In 1669, King Louis XIV of France ordered that all table knives have rounded ends. This made eating with knives a little less dangerous for the diner and anyone with whom he or she might become angry. Louis XIV was the first person in Europe to offer guests a place setting with forks, knives, and spoons.

Table manners continued to evolve. People debated how to eat peas. They were difficult to spear with a fork and hard to balance on a knife. As more families bought tableware, more guides were needed for how to use it. Some were written especially for children. In "Goops and How To Be Them" (1900), Gelett Burgess used horribly ill-mannered creatures called Goops as bad examples. He wrote:

The Goops they lick their fingers,

And the Goops they lick their knives;

They spill their broth on the tablecloth -

Oh, they lead disgusting lives!

The Goops they talk while eating,

And loud and fast they chew;

And that is why I'm glad that I

Am not a Goop - are you?

You probably use many simple table manners without thinking. You probably say "please" and "thank you," and ask for food to be passed to you, rather than reaching over everyone for it.

Other rules come into play in more formal settings, like parties, where you're supposed to use the right fork and dispose of olive pits properly. If you're ever a guest somewhere and aren't sure you've got all the rules down, just watch the host or hostess. Do what they do. Even if you use the wrong fork, you'll be following the basic principle of table manners: Think about others and make dining as pleasant as possible.

(c) Copyright 2000. The Christian Science Publishing Society

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If you think sitting up straight and keeping your elbows off the table is a bother, be grateful you weren't a child of America's early settlers. Back then, children didn't even get to sit at the table. They stood behind the adults and ate whatever was handed to them.