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did you know

Your child might not want to talk to you or might think that you don't understand what he's going through. This is normal. Are there other adults in your family, friends or community who could step in and support your child?

What is resilience?

Resilience is the ability to 'bounce back' after a tough situation or difficult time and then get back to feeling just about as good as you felt before. It's also the ability to adapt to difficult circumstances that you can't change, and keep on thriving.

When you're resilient, you can learn from difficult or challenging situations and get stronger.

Your child needs the personal skills and attitudes to help her bounce back from everyday challenges such as making mistakes, falling out with friends, moving to a new school or losing an important sporting match. Your child might also face more serious challenges such as family breakdown, adapting to a stepfamily, the illness or death of a family member or bullying.

How resilient you act and feel can go up and down at different times.

You might be better at bouncing back from some challenges but not others. Some young people face more challenges than others because of learning difficulties or disabilities, or because they have more anxious personalities. The more challenges young people have, the harder it is for them to be resilient.

But all young people can build the personal skills for resilience.

Resilience is more than just coping. When you're resilient, you're more prepared to seek new experiences and opportunities and take reasonable risks to achieve your goals. Risk-taking might mean some setbacks, but it also creates opportunities for success and greater self-confidence.

Building resilience: how you can help your child

Resilience for young people is built on a foundation of strong positive relationships with parents.

Children can also gain strength from other caring adults, such as grandparents, aunts, uncles or teachers who might act as mentors. Friends and classmates can be great sources of support too.

You can help your child build the ability to bounce back from difficult situations by giving him the opportunity to learn and practise important values and skills such as:

self-respect and other personal values and attitudes

social skills

helpful and optimistic thinking

skills for getting things done.

As a parent you can't stop your child from experiencing problems or tough times. But you can play a big role in helping your child to be more resilient. And the earlier you start, the more likely it is your child will develop skills for resilience.

Personal values and attitudes for resilience

Self-respect is a great building block for resilience.

Self-respect grows out of setting standards for behaviour. If your child has self-respect, she believes that she matters and should be treated respectfully by others. She's also more likely to protect herself by avoiding risky behaviour and situations. A strong sense of self-respect will also help your child be less vulnerable to bullies and bullying.

Empathy, respect for others, kindness, fairness, honesty and cooperation are also linked to resilience. This includes showing care and concern for people who need support, accepting people's differences, being friendly and not mistreating or bullying others.

If your child shows these attitudes and behaviour towards others, he's more likely to get a positive response in return. This helps him feel good about himself.

Social skills for resilience

Social skills are another important building block for resilience. They include the skills needed to make and keep friends, sort out conflict, and cooperate and work well in a team or group.

When your child has good relationships at school and gets involved in community groups, sports teams or arts activities, he has more chances to develop connections and a sense of belonging.

Helpful and optimistic thinking

Resilience is about being realistic, thinking rationally, looking on the bright side, finding the positives, expecting things to go well and moving forward, even when things seem bad.

When your child is upset, you can help her keep things in perspective by focusing on facts and reality. For example, you could try gently asking, 'Does this really matter as much as you think it does? On a scale from 1-10, how bad is it really?'

You can also help your child understand that a bad thing in one part of his life doesn't have to flow over into all parts. For example, if your child gets a poor exam result, you could point out that it won't stop him playing his weekend sport, or going out with his friends.

A sense of humour can help you both keep things in perspective and stay calm.

If your child is being hard on herself - for example, 'I'm going to die of embarrassment speaking in front of my class' - you could suggest more helpful self-talk instead. For example, your child could try saying, 'Public speaking isn't my favourite thing, but I'll be able to cope'.

Your child is more likely to feel positive if he can see that difficult times are a part of life, that they'll pass, and that things will get better. You might be able to help your child with this by talking about how you, people you know, or even famous people have gone through tough times.

Talking and working together to find solutions can help your child be more resilient. And having a problem-solving method is one way for your child to feel she has the power to get through challenging times.

No matter how upbeat your child is, there'll be times when he feels anxious, scared or angry. If he's resilient, he'll be able to ride out these adolescent ups and downs.

Ways to turn low moods into better ones include:

doing things you love and enjoy

spending time with friends

helping someone else

talking with friends or a support person

exploring activities that help you relax

going for a vigorous walk or doing some kind of physical activity

going over some good memories by looking through photographs

watching a funny TV show or DVD, or reading something funny.

You're a role model for your child. Let her see and hear you being positive and optimistic. You can do this by thanking other people for their support, saying `Things will get better soon and I can cope with this', and expecting that good things are possible.

Skills for getting things done

Feeling confident, capable and ready to get things done are big parts of resilience. Important skills in this area are goal-setting, planning, being organised and self-disciplined, being prepared to work hard and being resourceful.

You can foster these skills in your child by helping him work out his specific strengths and limitations. Then you can encourage him to set goals that put his strengths into action, and that help him to focus on what he's good at.

For example, if your child is good at singing or music, you could suggest she join the school band, or even start her own band. If she's good with young children, you could suggest she look into some babysitting work or coaching junior sport.

Supporting your child to take on new or extra responsibilities - a leadership role at school or even a part-time job as he gets older - is a great way to build your child's confidence and sense of what he can do.

Challenges are a normal part of life, and young people have to learn to cope with them by themselves. Let your child have a go at sorting out her own problems and fighting her own battles before you step in. Fumbles and even failures are part of the process.

Key messages for building resilience

You can create a positive family environment that fosters resilience by communicating some key messages to your child in your daily life together:

Life is mainly good, but now and then everyone has a difficult or unhappy time. It's a normal part of life.

Things nearly always get better, even though they might sometimes take a bit longer to improve than you'd like. Stay hopeful and work on the problem if you can.

You'll feel better and have more ideas about what you can do if you talk to someone you trust about what's worrying or upsetting you.

No-one's perfect. We all make mistakes. We all find out there are some things we can't do so well.

If you can find something positive or funny in a difficult situation, no matter how small, it can help you cope better.

Take fair responsibility for what you did or didn't do to cause a difficult or unhappy situation. But don't blame yourself too much - circumstances, bad luck or other people all played a part too.

If something can't be changed, you just have to accept it and live with it. Don't make yourself miserable by making it worse or by assuming that the worst possible scenario is the one that will happen.

When something goes wrong, it will usually affect only one part of your life. When this happens, focus more on the things in your life that are still going well.

Everyone gets scared sometimes, but not always about the same things. Facing your fears can help you grow stronger.

Don't let yourself be 'hijacked' by your feelings so that you're not in charge of yourself. Find a way to calm yourself down so you can think of the best way to deal with how you're feeling.

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Building resilience in teenagers | Raising Children Network

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Your child might not want to talk to you or might think that you don't understand what he's going through. This is normal. Are there other adults in your family, friends or community who could step in and support your child?

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We provide customised resilience training, 'ready to deliver' workshops, and offer open to the public courses through a partnership with Victoria University Executive and Professional Development. All of our resilience training workshops are designed to enhance well-being, and have been developed to help

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Report on young people and alcohol

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Key results: Young people aged 15 to 24 years (ABAS 2013/14 to 2015/16) | HPA - Health Promotion Agency

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This report presents descriptive results about the alcoho

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Sometimes it seems like we have little or no control over what we think and how we feel. But, there are things that you can do that will help you to feel better.

Diet

Food can affect your mood! There is a link between what we eat and how we feel so it's important to have a healthy, balanced diet for both your body and mind.

Eating well doesn't have to be expensive. Try these sites for brain food on a budget:

Exercise

Everyone knows that exercise is good for your body - but it's also important for your emotional wellbeing. Scientists have discovered that exercise causes your brain to release chemicals that make you feel good. There is evidence to show that exercise can help raise self-esteem, help sleep problems, improve memory and concentration, takes your mind off negative thoughts, as well as reduces feelings of anxiety and depression.

Try these sites for more ideas:

Improving your self-esteem

Self-esteem is how you think and feel about yourself. Having healthy self esteem makes it easier to cope with life's ups and downs. If you have low self-esteem, the thoughts and feelings you have about yourself tend to be negative. This can make you more prone to mental health problems.

Try these sites for some different ways to boost your self-esteem:

Taking time to relax

Regular relaxation is beneficial for your mental health. If you make a regular time each day to practice some of the techniques below you will get better and better at relaxation and notice your day-to-day stress levels are lower. You will also become able to use relaxation at the times you need them most.

Try these relaxation techniques from Youthspace:

And this quick podcast from the Mental Health Foundation:

Another great way to relax is to practice mindfulness. This is the focusing of attention and awareness on the here and now, and is often used to reduce anxiety, stress and depression. It has its roots in Buddhism, though is used widely by people of all ages from all different backgrounds with all sorts of problems.

These Mental Health Foundation podcasts might help you relax and improve your sense of wellbeing:

Sharing what's bothering you

Sharing what's bothering you can help to make it feel more manageable. If you feel that the problems you're having are too big for you to deal with by yourself you may want to get in contact with your GP, someone from school/college or someone else you trust.

If you're finding it hard to talk to people you know about how you feel, contact ChildLine, The Samaritans, or Mindfull.

These links might also be helpful:

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Tips and coping strategies for good mental health young people | CAMHS

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Sometimes it seems like we have little or no control over what we think and how we feel. But, there are things that you can do that will help you to feel better. Food can affect your mood!

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The teenage years are filled with many milestones. From entering puberty, learning to drive, getting a first job, going on a first date, the list goes on. For many teens, adolescence is also the time when they get drunk for the first time and experiment with illicit drugs. As much as you want to protect your teen from the dangers of adolescent life, you can't supervise him or her 24 hours a day.

What can a parent, guardian or family friend do to help a teenager understand the risks of alcohol consumption? Education is a great place to start. Learning how alcohol affects their brain and body may not stop a teenager from getting drunk. But, it might help to make safer, healthier choices in the future.

How Alcohol Affects Your Body

According to the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, up to 75 percent of teenagers have experimented with alcohol by the time they graduate from high school. More than 50 percent of high school seniors report that they've been drunk at least once. Even more disturbing are the statistics regarding accidents, violence and self-inflicted injuries among teens who are abusing alcohol. Alcohol plays a role in more than 30 percent of teenage deaths involving accidents, homicide or suicide.

The Dangers

It's important for teens to know the dangers that come with consuming alcohol, such as:

Accidental falls

Drowning

Car crashes

Fights

Sexually transmitted diseases

Teenage pregnancy

Adolescence is a time of rapid physical development. A lot of growing teens feel ambivalent about these changes. Facial hair, vocal changes and signs of sexual maturity can be both exciting and embarrassing. But teenagers may not realize that alcohol can cause delays in sexual development. Frequent drinking can also cause weight gain, which may put them at risk for developing high blood pressure and diabetes.

Teenagers who keep drinking into adulthood have a higher risk of developing liver problems. The liver is one of the most important organs in your body. It helps metabolize nutrients and rid your system of harmful toxins. Because your liver also metabolizes alcohol, excessive drinking can put a tremendous strain on this vital organ.

The University of Maryland Medical Center notes that long-term drinkers are more likely to get certain types of cancer. Alcohol consumption has been associated with higher risks of cancer of the head and neck, stomach and breasts. Alcohol can also harm the pancreas, causing a severely painful condition called pancreatitis.

Consuming alcohol as a teenager can also increase your chances of becoming physically dependent on alcohol. Recent clinical research shows that teenagers who start drinking before the age of 14 have a much higher risk of growing up to be alcoholics than teens who don't imbibe until they're 21, states the New York Times.

How Drinking Harms a Teen's Brain

You've probably heard the jokes about how heavy alcohol consumption can kill brain cells. Recent neurological research indicates not only that these jokes are true, but that teenagers may be more prone to alcohol-related neurological damage than adults. A teenager's brain is at a vulnerable stage of development. Alcohol interferes with this development, causing permanent changes in the ability to learn and remember.

Research conducted by neuropsychologists at Duke University indicates that in adolescents, drinking even a moderate amount of alcohol may damage the hippocampus, the part of the brain that enables you to learn and remember. Studies conducted on adolescent rats showed that younger drinkers may be even more likely to suffer neurocognitive deficits than older adults who drink, especially if they drink to the point of blacking out, or temporarily losing their memory.

The Duke research team also found that an alarming number of college-age drinkers experience blackouts during heavy drinking episodes. In an electronic survey of almost 800 college students, the researchers found that just over 50 percent of the students who responded reported that they had blacked out while drinking. The average number of blackouts reported in the survey was three.

Blackouts among teens are hazardous to neurological development, but they can also pose a serious risk to a teen's safety and overall health. Teens who black out are more likely to take dangerous chances, like driving drunk, having unsafe sex or getting in fistfights. Binge drinking, or drinking four to five alcoholic beverages in one or two hours is a common practice among teens. The frequency of blackouts may be even greater than the survey indicates.

Drinking and Social Relationships

Teenagers are preoccupied with issues of identity and social relationships. In this formative period, adolescents experiment with different styles of clothing and makeup, try out unique variations of their names and may hang out with different social cliques at school. Peer pressure becomes a big factor in the choices that a teen makes as he or she develops socially; that's why it's crucial that parents get to know their children's friends and their families.

For a lot of teens, alcohol may seem like a magic elixir that allows them to overcome shyness and social insecurity. But after awhile, teens who drink heavily on a regular basis will start to get a negative reputation at school. Kids who participate in sports, musical activities or school clubs will often avoid the teenagers who party all the time. Neglecting former friends and hobbies is one of the most significant signs of alcohol or drug abuse among teens.

The Cycle of Teenage Drinking

According to the National Institutes of Health, teens who drink may go through the following stages:

1. Focus more of their time on friends who drink: Teenagers who take up partying will often give up long-term relationships. Meanwhile, sober teens will eventually stop trying to make contact with a friend who parties all the time.

2. Start neglecting school and work: Students who drink heavily will start oversleeping, skipping classes and forgetting homework assignments. A student with a part-time job may stop showing up for work and eventually lose the position.

3. Display unpredictable behavior or pick fights at home: The effects of alcohol can alter a teenager's emotions, making him or her seem extremely moody. Teens who drink can become secretive, defensive and violent with siblings or parents. New tension around the house may indicate that a teenager has a substance abuse problem.

4. Have problems with money: Partying can get expensive. Teens who suddenly never seem to have enough cash left over from their allowance or part-time job may be spending too much on liquor, beer or cigarettes.

5. Become chronically tired and physically unhealthy: Frequent drinking can lead to weight gain, loss of sleep, problems remembering tasks or responsibilities and many other complications. While teens do need a lot of sleep, a teenager who starts sleeping more than usual or displays signs of fatigue and depression may have a drinking problem.

High school and college students who spend a lot of time with a drinking crowd may have trouble adjusting socially if they decide to seek treatment. An integrated treatment program for teens can help adolescents re-enter the world of their sober peers and learn how to build strong, lasting friendships that are based on something more substantial than a love of partying.

Talking to Teens About Alcohol Abuse

It's never too early to start introducing children or teens to the dangers of alcoholism. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention cautions that alcohol is the most commonly abused drug among American teenagers. The 2013 Youth Risk Behavior Survey found that among high school students, during the past 30 days:

35% drank some amount of alcohol.

21% binge drank.

10% drove after drinking alcohol.

22% rode with a driver who had been drinking alcohol.

More teenagers abuse alcohol than any other drug, including street drugs or tobacco

If parents could stop teenagers from drinking simply by talking to them about the dangers of alcohol abuse, wouldn't these numbers be lower? Talking definitely is not the only way to reduce the risk that your teenager will drink, but it's a good place to start. Talking to your teen provides a number of important benefits, like conveying your concern, opening up communication and providing education. Even if your teenager doesn't appear interested in what you have to say, he or she is probably hearing and remembering more than you realize.

Pointers for Talking to Your Child

Tips for Talking to Teens About Alcohol Abuse

When you initiate a talk with your son or daughter, keep these points in mind:

Stay calm. Teenagers don't respond well to nagging, but they often respond to calm discussions. When you're talking to your teen about alcohol, it's important to keep your emotions in check. Although you may be angry, scared, anxious or all of the above, your teen will be more likely to sit still and listen if you aren't upset when you have your discussion. You'll also be less likely to blurt out accusations, make negative remarks about your child or say things you'll regret later.

Expect respect/give respect. No matter how you feel about what's been going on in your teen's life, criticism won't help you convince your child that he or she has a problem. Try to be as objective and compassionate as possible, remembering that many teens go through periods of partying. At the same time, you shouldn't accept any rude or disrespectful remarks from your teenager when you talk. If you have trouble feeling a sense of compassion, talk with an addiction counselor, a therapist or a pastor before you talk with your teen.

Be prepared to help. If you suspect that your teen has a drinking problem that requires more intervention than you can provide, be prepared to offer a solution. Do your research before you have the discussion so you can talk to your teen about treatment options. Whether you decide to pursue outpatient treatment, intensive residential care or attend local 12-step meetings for teens, you should be ready to establish a game plan.

Finding the Support You Need

It's not always possible for a parent to know when a teen's alcohol use turns into alcohol abuse. When a parent catches a teenager drinking, the typical reaction is one of shock or alarm. A casual experiment with beer at a summer party probably doesn't indicate that your teenager has a drinking problem. However, it's important to keep in mind that occasional drinking can easily turn into frequent binges if your teen is hanging out with a party crowd.

If you need help deciding whether your teenager needs more intensive intervention, talk with a knowledgeable counselor who understands the risk factors that teens face. Our experienced counselors at Newport Academy realize that teenage alcohol abuse often stems from complicated emotional or psychosocial factors. Teenagers who are drinking heavily may require counseling for depression, anger or grief issues as well as substance abuse treatment. Teen rehab doesn't have to be scary. Making a call can be the first step in getting the support you need as a parent to help your teenager start a healthy new life in sobriety.

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How Alcohol Consumption Affects a Growing Teen

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The teenage years are filled with many milestones. From entering puberty, learning to drive, getting a first job, going on a first date, the list goes on. For many teens, adolescence is also the time when they get drunk for the first time and experiment with illicit drugs.

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There's a communication tactic that I find incredibly useful in tense situations. I first heard of it from Dr. Bob Huizenga, Psychotherapist, and the author of the " Break Free from the Affair" eBook. He calls the technique 'charging neutral', where the person speaking changes their tone and removes whatever emotional message they can, so that their words seem completely neutral. It's more of a way to speak than something I can write here, but let's see if you get the jist with this example:

Said in anger, yelling, with clenched fists, "I don't want to be with you anymore!!"

Spoken calmly and without voices raised, "I don't want to be with you anymore."

There's no emotional charge to the last one, and that's what you're after.

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There's a communication tactic that I find incredibly useful in tense situations. I first heard of it from Dr. Bob Huizenga, Psychotherapist, and the author of the " Break Free from the Affair" eBook. He calls the technique 'charging neutral', where the person speaking changes their tone and removes whatever emotional message they can, so that their words seem completely neutral.

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InsideOUT | Kōaro - Tatū ki roto, tatū ki waho

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At 14, a "wasted" Chloe* passed out and woke up to a guy trying to "get with" her.

"Anything could have happened if I didn't wake up," she said.

The teenager says she is wiser now. Now 16, drinking is old hat. She started at 13.
* New Zealand legal highs law subject of global survey
Sarah was 14. Up the Port Hills with mates. Getting smashed.

"Always drink water. I learnt that the hard way," the 18-year-old said. "I have come to lying in my own vomit."

At 17, Holly is too young to get into bars but she has been into a few underage. She hangs out with older people and likes "anything but tequila". She is "reckless" when drunk.

"A lot of teenagers drink a lot," Holly said. "They don't know when to stop."

Now she is "older", Holly and her friends drink in "moderation". Relative moderation.

The dangers of teenage drinking have been highlighted by the recent death of a Timaru student.

It is still unclear how Timaru school girl Bayli Elliot died on Labour Day.

The 18-year-old spent her final hours at a party with friends and was found lying on the ground in a comatose state.

An ambulance was called but Elliot died.

Police would not speculate on the cause of her death.

A partygoer said the popular Mountainview High School pupil had been drinking spirits.

The case has been referred to the coroner.

A coroner's job is to establish when, where, how and why a death occurred. They must work out if anything could be done differently to stop similar deaths in the future.

Haven't we been here before?

In April 2011, Coroner Gordon Matenga ruled on the death of 16-year-old Auckland high school pupil James Webster, who died in 2010 after sculling Jagermeister and vodka at a birthday party.

The ruling said Webster's blood-alcohol level was nearly five times the legal driving limit. It said the King's College pupil sculled vodka "like it was nothing . . . in a matter of seconds", while being encouraged by a friend.

Later, after being put to bed in someone else's home, he died.

"Teenagers should be aware that drinking 250ml or more of spirits over a short period of time - 30 to 60 minutes - will cause you to become drunk very quickly to the point of unconsciousness," Matenga said.

"This will endanger your life."

In August, police arrested and charged an 18-year-old Cromwell woman with supplying alcohol to a minor after a 16-year-old girl was found "out cold" on a grass verge.

A man discovered the 16-year-old unconscious, hypothermic and covered in vomit outside his house.

Police said the girl had been drinking a bottle of vodka with friends near the Cromwell Golf Club.

If she was out there another hour, "she would have died".

Youth aged between 15 and 18 spoken to by The Press this week revealed a wide range of drinking habits.

Some do not touch booze.

Others "go hard" and only "drink to get drunk".

A group of 17- and 18-year-old Christchurch schoolgirls painted a clear picture of nights out, doing shots, using fake IDs and "blacking out".

"When you are drinking you don't think, 'This is a poison'. You get hyped up," Gemma said.

Kate, 17, once drank a whole bottle of wine through a funnel.

"I went blank for about an hour and then I rebooted," she said.

Poppy took a drug she was offered in town by an older man on her 18th birthday.

"I got told it was speed but I personally think it was a date rape drug."

A friend took her home, limp and not able to speak. Someone else's mother looked after her.

Not all teenagers drink from the same well.

Dave, 16, said he and his mates hardly ever touched alcohol.

"We don't go looking for parties," he said.

"We usually just chill."

Charlie, a 17-year-old chef trainee, was in the same boat.

He preferred to spend his time skateboarding.

"I have just never been into [drinking]. I just don't like it."

Victoria, who goes to parties sober, dislikes New Zealand's drinking culture.

"That's probably because I don't have the fun memories of it," she said.

The 17-year-old has looked after vomiting friends on numerous occasions.

"I always feel like I am on the outside because I don't drink," she said.

"Loads of girls just get wasted on the weekend. They come to school and . . . you just watch them screw up."

* The names of the teenagers have been changed.

A recent study of Christchurch Hospital emergency department admissions showed alcohol-affected patients were "more frequently young", aged 16 to 25, and male. The study, published in the New Zealand Medical Journal in August, was based on information collected over a sample time equivalent to two weeks. "Youth were over-represented and drank a lot of a range of beverages, most commonly liquor store-sourced, as a group," it said. Of more than 100 alcohol-affected patients, 40 per cent were aged 16 to 25. The youngest was 14. The study put median alcohol consumption at 14 standard drinks, with a range of 1 to 71. Spirits were most popular among young males (21 to 25 years) and very young females (16 to 20 years). Another study found the proportion of 16- to 17-year-old females consuming eight or more standard drinks in a session in New Zealand tripled between 1995 and 2011.

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At 14, a "wasted" Chloe* passed out and woke up to a guy trying to "get with" her. "Anything could have happened if I didn't wake up," she said. The teenager says she is wiser now. Now 16, drinking is old hat. She started at 13.

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Three in five women in their late teens have been victims of online bullies, according to new research revealing an alarming number of Kiwi adults encountering the problem.

While new measures have been brought in to tackle the problem in schools, a snapshot of voting-aged New Zealanders found one in 10 people aged 30 to 59 -- and a rate twice that for those in their mid- to late 20s -- have experienced it.

A new survey asked around 15,000 people if someone had used the internet, a mobile phone or digital camera to hurt or embarrass them.

READ MORE:
* Mum of 10-year-old suicide victim speaks out
* 'She had so much to live for' - Family speaks out on dangers of online bullying

Rates were highest among young people -- 46 per cent of all 18- to 19-year-olds, with the problem worse among females in that age group.

"Women aged 18 to 19 reported the highest levels of cyber-bullying among all groups, with roughly three in five experiencing cyber-bullying," said Harrison Steiner-Fox, who compiled the research using data from the ongoing New Zealand Attitudes and Values Study (NZAVS).

It was in step with previous research that has indicated one in three children are affected by it.

Another recent survey of nearly 750 young people aged 11 to 18, by Otago-based group Sticks'n'Stones, found 87 per cent thought cyber-bullying was an issue -- and 255 had experienced it the same year.

But the NZAVS figures revealed older New Zealanders weren't immune: 27 per cent of those aged 20 to 24 had been bullied, with 22 per cent of 25- to 29-year-olds and 9 to 13 per cent of 30- to 59-year-olds.

"It's definitely not just a young person's problem," NetSafe chief executive Martin Cocker said.

Of the 1000 related cases that his organisation handled last year, around half of those involved adults.

Canterbury University student Nikki Wheeler, who was bullied online for a year. Photo / Supplied

Canterbury University student Nikki Wheeler, who was bullied online for a year, was shocked by the new figures -- and wasn't surprised that even one in 10 adult Kiwis had been attacked.

"I think this number will rise as we are in a fast-paced world of progression, especially within the technology sector, and more and more people are using the internet more frequently than before."

She described cyber-bullying as something that left the victim feeling extremely lonely.

"You become paranoid that everyone is against you and believes the same opinion as that of the bully," she said.

"Cyber-bullying is becoming part of our everyday lives and it shouldn't be ... it's an awful experience no one should have to live through."

Advocate Ashleigh Smith said the death of her cousin, linked to cyber-bullying, was the most painful experience she had suffered.

"Four years later I still ask myself the 'what if' questions -- it is something that will stay with me for the rest of my life," the 18-year-old said.

"Cyber-bullying affects so many people throughout New Zealand. It has so many consequences, including victims taking their own lives. It's real, it's happening all around us."

In one of the most recent serious cases, family of Palmerston North 12-year-old Kyana Vergara -- whose death on January 11 is suspected to have been self-inflicted -- later discovered troubling social media postings in her accounts.

The survey was carried out as the Government introduced its Harmful Digital Communications Act -- which can see bullies fined up to $5000 -- along with new guidelines for schools.

The figures are among a range of new insights into Kiwi society just published by NZAVS researchers and featured in the Herald today.

Where to get help

* The Ministry of Justice offers a step-by-step flowchart on how to combat cyber-bullying.
* Cyberbullying.org.nz offers resources for students, parents and teachers on how to prevent or respond to cyber-bullying.
* NetSafe has a telephone helpline for anyone with cyber concerns: 0508 NETSAFE (0508 638 723).

* Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7)
* Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
* Youth services: (06) 3555 906
* 0800 376 633
* 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
* 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
*
* Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 (available 24/7)
* Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
* CASPER Suicide Prevention
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.

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Rates of cyber bullying in New Zealand alarming

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Three in five women in their late teens have been victims of online bullies, according to new research revealing an alarming number of Kiwi adults encountering the problem.

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Report Content on Facebook | Facebook Help Center

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Note: This information is for people who want to report content (such as a post, photo, comment, etc.) on Facebook.

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New Zealand's binge drinking culture is hurting our teens, and it needs to change.

That was the unmistakable message from expert speakers and parents at a seminar at Nelson College.

More than 400 people attended an Alcohol and the Teenage Brain seminar on Tuesday evening, where keynote speaker and former Brain Wave Trust member Nathan Mikaere-Wallis explained how alcohol causes irreparable damage to young brains.

For under 18-year-olds, drinking more than one alcoholic beverage each hour lowered your IQ by an average of eight points, Mikaere-Wallis said.

"It takes an adult brain 24 hours to go back to full activity after drinking, but it takes the average teenage brain two weeks.

"After 21, alcohol doesn't change the structure or architecture of the brain."

Mikaere-Wallis said teenagers' brains react as adults' do about 10 per cent of the time. He said that a teen's "best moments" were the most indicative of their capacity for reason.

He suggested drinking "in partnership" by negotiating appropriate amounts and time frames with teenagers who can't be otherwise discouraged.

"If they are just going to sneak around and do it behind your back then they don't have any boundaries.

"Acknowledge they are in their emotional brain and don't just drown them in facts. Nagging at a teenage brain about all the logical reasons why they shouldn't drink isn't going to work."

But the feeling in the room was that problems with teenage drinking reflected a wider binge-drinking culture.

Mikaere-Wallis believed the old six o'clock swill may have contributed to a culture which "says it is acceptable to be blind drunk".

"If you ask Europe what the socially acceptable number of drinks to have in an evening is, it's three. When you do that research in New Zealand, the number comes back at 13," he said.

Chief medical officer of Nelson Marlborough District Health Board Dr Nick Baker was one of four panellists at the event.

He said many people who die from alcohol-related harm have had warning signals and that New Zealand needs to consider the price of alcohol and its links to sports advertising.

"For teenagers, alcohol is not their problem. It's a problem with the world they were born into.

"[Teenagers] need high-challenge environments that don't involve alcohol. Giving them a sense of purpose is really important."

Several attendees expressed concern about the pressure placed on teenagers by their peers to drink, but panellist Neil Anderson of Nelson College said today's youth are aware of the impacts of alcohol.

He recounted a story from one of his students who immediately called 111 after seeing a teenage girl drink half a bottle of absinthe.

"He said he knew how many standard drinks she was having. I think it shows a lot of hope for our boys."

Mikaere-Wallis said that, despite how it might seem in the media, Generation Y is consuming less alcohol, cigarettes and marijuana than Generation X did in its youth.

"We have to find solutions that work with the teenage brain, not the adult brain," he said.

"I think those solutions are going to come from teenagers."
An earlier version of this article incorrectly included an image of three men who are in no way related to this story. We apologise for any offence caused.
- Stuff

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NZ's binge drinking culture 'hurts teens'

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New Zealand's binge drinking culture is hurting our teens, and it needs to change. That was the unmistakable message from expert speakers and parents at a seminar at Nelson College. More than 400 people attended an Alcohol and the Teenage Brain seminar on Tuesday evening, where keynote speaker and former Brain Wave Trust member Nathan Mikaere-Wallis explained how alcohol causes irreparable damage to young brains.

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Figuring out that you're queer or trans* can be one heck of a ride. You can go through all sorts of emotions - good and bad. For some people, their sexuality or gender identity isn't a big deal. For others, it's life changing.

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How can somebody be a "victim" or a "perpetrator" of revenge porn?

A perpetrator is someone who discloses a private sexual image without the subject's consent. i.e. the perpetrator turns it from being private image into a public one, with the intent to cause distress. The victim may have consented to the image creation but will not have consented to it being made public.

So if revenge porn wasn't a crime until today, did that mean people could previously share sexual images without the subject's consent?

The Crown Prosecution Service issued guidance in October last year indicating that they could (and would) prosecute perpetrators of revenge porn under existing obscenity laws. Additionally, there is also scope for civil remedies under the Human Rights legislation, common law rights to privacy and the Protection from Harassment Act. But these laws were poorly tailored to this problem for various reasons and few prosecutions have occurred.

Surely this is just a problem for naive teenagers taking selfies in their bedrooms?

Mobile phones with cameras are now ubiquitous and so is the internet. A McAfee study (in the US) found that 36% of people have sent or intend to send intimate content to their partners, and that one in ten ex-partners threatened to expose risque photos online - a threat carried out 60% of the time.

This is fast becoming an entrenched part of our culture of sex and relationships, a practice engaged in by huge numbers of people. Further, the problem is much wider than of one victim and one perpetrator.

There are trolls who spread the images of people they don't know to embarrass them or just "for kicks". There are also lots of websites dedicated to earning money from the sharing of revenge pornography and this perpetuates demand.

Having represented victims of revenge porn, how has having pictures of themselves shared online affected them?

Women (and men) whose intimate sexual photos are shared without their consent often feel violated and ashamed. They are often blamed for letting the pictures be taken in the first place and suffer psychological distress and damage to relationships with friends and family.

Once these images spread it can be very difficult to get them down from every site so victims have to face living with them forever. People who participate in creating private sexual images generally do so in the safe space that is an intimate relationship.

They may consent to taking the image - but not to spreading it. It is particularly victimising to have something given in intimacy used as a weapon against you.

What sort of thing could motivate someone to send revenge porn?

Feelings of vengefulness over a break up or if you believe your partner has cheated; perpetrating domestic abuse - using the images to try to control the victim; and profit - some websites make money by displaying revenge porn and getting advertising revenues from it. Some have also tried to extort money from people to get the images removed.

Could someone be in trouble if they receive an unsolicited naked image on their phone?

There is no law against receiving images. However, if you go on to share them you could be breaking the law. Simple rule: if you get an image like this, delete it and don't forward.

What are the penalties for someone convicted of revenge porn offences?

Someone found guilty can go to prison for up to two years, plus a fine.

Will the social media companies, such as WhatsApp and Facebook, shoulder any of the responsibility?

Under the new law, no. But if victims own copyright of the materials (which usually rests with the person who takes the photo, not the subject), they can potentially sue for copyright infringement, and social media companies often respond to takedown requests based on copyright.

The law absolves internet companies of responsibility for content posted by users, in order to safeguard free speech. But they still have systems for blocking child pornography, and could clearly do better with revenge porn.

Many social media platforms have rules that forbid users from posting intimate images taken or distributed without the subject's consent, but if they're posted anyway, their systems for taking them down are often slow, unresponsive and haphazard.

Will the new law make any difference?

Yes. That perpetrators can go to prison for up to two years sends a strong message that this behaviour is unacceptable. It allows victims without the resources for private legal action to get redress through the criminal justice system. It signals that the police and courts are starting to take online abuse as seriously as they do physical abuse. Only time will tell as to whether prosecutors will use the full power of the law against perpetrators.

So can we expect the courts to be filled to the brim with revenge porn cases?

Doubtful. Prosecutors are required to assess in every case whether there is a realistic prospect of conviction and if a prosecution is in the public interest, and they may not wish to spend resources intervening in the aftermath of unhappy relationships. Victims are often reluctant to come forward, and prosecutors to prosecute, in sexually-tinged crimes in any event.

One factor in the new law that limits its reach (wrongly in our view) is that the perpetrator must intend to cause distress to the specific victim.

This exempts people who forward images around the internet of people they don't know "just for kicks". We'd also like to see a civil remedy included in the law that mirrors the stalking law, namely: a victim should be able to apply for an injunction soon as an image is shared.

If the perpetrator didn't then take it down, or distributed it further, he or she would be in breach of a court order that could lead to immediate imprisonment. And victims ought to be able to collect money damages from perpetrators for the harm caused.

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How can somebody be a "victim" or a "perpetrator" of revenge porn? A perpetrator is someone who discloses a private sexual image without the subject's consent. i.e. the perpetrator turns it from being private image into a public one, with the intent to cause distress.

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Teen Health - Health Topics - Conflict and negotiation

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HPA's approach

Drinking alcohol is a part of many New Zealanders lives but, for a significant proportion, the amount and pattern of drinking causes harm both to themselves and others. Harms can include injuries, alcohol poisoning, chronic health problems, road trauma, offending, and abuse of others.

The work that HPA undertakes aims to prevent and reduce this harm and inspire New Zealanders to make better decisions about drinking alcohol.

What does HPA do?

On 1 July 2012 HPA took over all functions previously undertaken by the Alcohol Advisory Council (ALAC).

The HPA's work to reduce alcohol-related harm is comprehensive in its approach and includes work to fulfil its statutory function to provide alcohol-related advice and research.

National marketing campaign and other communications

A range of strategies is used as part of a national marketing and communications programme to help New Zealanders make positive decisions about their alcohol use.

As well as using mass media to engage with our audiences, we provide online tools and other information at www.alcohol.org.nz Here people can assess their own drinking and learn more about alcohol and its effects. In addition resources are provided to groups to support their alcohol-related work in the community and to add value to national campaigns.

Advice, resources and tools for alcohol legislation requirements

Supporting the successful implementation of the new Sale and Supply of Alcohol Act 2012 is the main focus of the HPA's current advisory work with regulatory agencies, local government, licensed premises, alcohol industry groups, community groups and others.

The HPA is also updating and revising resources and online tools to reflect recent legislative change.
For more information visit alcohol.org.nz
Advice, resources and tools for health sector action

Providing advice and support to enable the expansion of alcohol screening and brief interventions in health services and other sectors, is a key focus of the HPA's work.

Some support is also provided to the addiction treatment sector.

Advice, resources and tools for community-led action on alcohol

Communities are ideally placed to positively influence New Zealand's drinking culture. The HPA works with a range of community groups and organisations to encourage innovative community action on alcohol issues using local solutions. It also partners with regional and local initiatives to support effective regulatory activity and community solutions.

HPA regional managers are available to provide advice and support to communities wanting to take action on alcohol. Community groups and organisations may also be eligible for funding assistance.
For more information
Policy advice and research

The HPA has specific statutory functions to give advice and make recommendations and to undertake research on alcohol-related issues. The HPA's policy advice involves providing oral and written submissions and contributing to interagency meetings and work programmes at central and local government levels. A wide range of alcohol-related research is undertaken and made available to others engaged in reducing alcohol-related harm.
For research reports " For more alcohol-specific information "
Find out more

To find out more about alcohol and HPA's work in this area visit www.alcohol.org.nz

Resources
To order alcohol-related resources
Please note, all resource ordering is done online.

¹ Ministry of Health. (2013) Hazardous drinking in New Zealand: Key findings from the New Zealand Health Survey. Wellington: Ministry of Health.

Eight facts about alcohol

The 2011/12 New Zealand Health Survey found that:

80% of adult New Zealanders consumed alcohol in the past 12 months, a reduction from 84% in 2006/07

one in five (19%) past-year drinkers had hazardous drinking patterns

men (26% of past-year drinkers) are more likely to have hazardous drinking patterns than women (12% of past-year drinkers)

hazardous drinking among males fell from 30% to 26% between 2006/07 and 2011/12 - there was no significant change for women over this period

among past year drinkers, hazardous drinking was most common among both men and women aged 18-24 years

there was a reduction in hazardous drinking among young people (18-24 years) from 49% in 2006/07 to 36% in 2011/12

men aged 18-34 years had a particularly high rate of hazardous drinking, at over 40%

there was a reduction in hazardous drinking among Māori adults from 33% in 2006/07 to 29% in 20011/12.

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HPA's approach Drinking alcohol is a part of many New Zealanders lives but, for a significant proportion, the amount and pattern of drinking causes harm both to themselves and others. Harms can include injuries, alcohol poisoning, chronic health problems, road trauma, offending, and abuse of others.

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Online bullying can be tough to deal with, and it can feel like there's 'no escape' - but there's help available.

If you're being bullied online, or if someone has sent or posted something about you that makes you upset, you can contact us and we'll let you know what you can do about it.

Call 0508 NETSAFE (0508 638 723) seven days a week, or email queries@netsafe.org.nz - find out how we can help.
If you're concerned about the immediate safety of you or someone else, call 111.

What is online bullying?

Online bullying (also known as cyberbullying) is when a person uses digital technology to send, post or publish content with the intention to harm another person or a group. This behaviour is often aggressive, is repeated and involves some kind of power imbalance between the people involved.

Online bullying can take many forms:

name calling online

repeated unwanted online messages

spreading rumours or lies

fake accounts used to harass people

excluding people from social activities

embarrassing pictures, videos, websites, or fake profiles

What to do if you're being bullied

1. Don't reply: Especially to messages from phone numbers, profiles or people you don't know.

2. Don't attack the person back: Avoid giving the bully the satisfaction of a reaction.

3. Have a conversation: If it's safe, try talking to the person privately about what they've said or done.

4. Talk to someone: Talking to friends or whānau can make you feel better - or you can reach out to Youthline, Lifeline or others.

5. Save messages and images: Take screen shots of the bullying in case you need evidence later. Find out how here.

6. Cut off the person bullying you: Block their phone number, or block them on social media.

7. Report it: If the online bullying is happening on social media, you can find out how to report it below.

8. There is an NZ law to help: The Harmful Digital Communications Act aims to help people dealing with online bullying, abuse and harassment.

9. Get help: Contact Netsafe for help. We can help with any of the above, tell you if there's anything you can do to stop the abuse and let you know how to stay safe.

Options for dealing with online bullying

Each situation is different, and we can help you to understand the best options available to you. There are also some actions that you're able to take yourself that can help.
Social media
Most social networking sites including blocking and unfriending people and reporting content. If you're not sure how, visit the safety centres of the social media platforms they use.

Social media safety centres

There is also the ability to disable comments on posts and videos on Instagram and YouTube.

Check out more options and advice from social media platforms, including filtering comments on Instagram using certain keywords, in our Staying Safe Online Guide.
Mobile
You may want to block phone numbers that are sending bullying or abusive messages.

You can find instructions for blocking numbers on your phone by searching online. Use the words "how to block phone numbers" + the model of your phone. For example, search "how to block phone numbers Samsung Galaxy S7". You can also contact your service provider for help, or use these instructions for how to block numbers on Apple devices.
Students
If you're a young person, you can talk to your parents, teachers, or another adult you trust. We know this might seem a bit scary, especially if you think it might make the situation worse. If you need help deciding what to do, you can call us for advice (it's free) or email us. We help people dealing with online bullying everyday, so there's no need to feel nervous about letting us know what's going on.

What if it's very serious?

There is a law in New Zealand to tackle the worst cases of bullying, abuse and harassment for both young people and adults. This includes 'revenge porn' (leaked nudes), incitement to suicide and extremely offensive, abusive or harassing content directed toward an individual. Under The Harmful Digital Communications Act (the Act), Netsafe has been chosen to offer a free service for people in New Zealand to help with online bullying, harassment and abuse - contact us if you need advice.

What to do if a friend is being bullied online

1. Offer your support: Remind them that no matter what, they don't deserve to be treated this way.

2. Don't reply: Tell them not to reply or respond to any messages or make contact with the person bullying them.

3. Get them to stay calm: Don't let your friend react in an aggressive way - it may just make things worse.

4. Save evidence: Make sure your friend saves the messages and take screenshots of website and chat abuse. Find out how here.

5. Report it: If the online bullying is happening on a social media site, you can report it as abuse.

6. Get help: Get your friend to contact Netsafe for help, We can tell them if there's anything else they can do to stop the abuse and stay safe.

Find out how we can help.

What to do if you see online bullying

You can report the problem anonymously to the website where it's taking place. You can also reach out to support the person being targeted - you'll help that person feel less isolated which can help with the impacts of bullying. Simply asking if they're OK, and letting them know that you don't think what the other person is doing is OK can help.

Who to contact for help
Netsafe
If you or someone you know needs help, contact us by emailing queries@netsafe.org.nz or call us toll free on 0508 NETSAFE (0508 638 723).

Our helpline is open from 8am - 8pm Monday to Friday and 9am - 5pm on weekends.

If you're concerned about the immediate safety of you or someone else, call 111.

If you or someone else need counselling support you can reach out to Youthline, Lifeline or others.

More information

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Online bullying advice - Netsafe: Online safety for New Zealand

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Online bullying can be tough to deal with, and it can feel like there's 'no escape' - but there's help available. If you're being bullied online, or if someone has sent or posted something about you that makes you upset, you can contact us and we'll let you know what you can do about it.

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Dealing with Cyberbullying: Protecting Your Child from Online Bullies

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Cyberbullying can leave you feeling devastated. While it may seem like there's no escape from the taunting, you can put a stop to it.

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NoBullying - Bullying & CyberBullying Resources

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With wider access to computers and other devices that can go online, the potential for cyber bullying has grown. No longer are bullies confined to picking on others on the school playground. Today, many bullies are refraining from physical bullying, opting instead bullying by email, social media, instant messaging and other online modes of communication. Although cyber bullying doesn't have the same, obvious signs that physical bullying has, it can be just as damaging in the long term. Here, we are covering cyber bullying statistics, as well as some information that may be useful to you if your child, friend or colleague is a victim of cyber bullying.
What Is Cyber Bullying?

Cyber bullying is simply any form of bullying taking place online or by digital communication. This can include text messages, instant messengers, social media, email and other apps such as SnapChat.

Some forms of bullying are more unique to the online world, because it allows for different ways of interacting. These can include:

Flaming: This is an aggressive exchange between two or more people online.

Impersonation: Technology allows people to post or comment as others if they have gained access to another's account. This can be used to bully.

Cyber Stalking: Social media and messaging gives stalkers new opportunities to contact follow and harass their victims.

Outing: Direct access to large groups of people can make outing, sharing secrets and other personal information all the more hurtful.

Trolling: This involves trying to wind up others online with immature questions or mean comments.

Cyber bullying can be just as hurtful as bullying in real life, and can be more damaging to someone's reputation. Since it is less immediately obvious, it is even more critical to be informed about cyber bullying. Since the technology changes year-on-year we have gathered some information about the state of cyber bullying in 2014. Please read on to find out more.

Cyber Bullying Statistics

25 per cent of teenagers report that they have experienced repeated bullying by their cell phone, or on the Internet.

52 per cent of young people report being cyber bullied.

11 per cent of adolescents and teens report that embarrassing or damaging photographs have been taken of them without their knowledge or consent.

Of the young people who reported cyber bullying incidents against them, a third reported that their bullies used online threats.

10 per cent of all middle school and high school students have been on the receiving end of hate terms.

55 per cent of all teens that use social media have witnessed outright bullying online.

95 per cent of teens that witnessed bullying on social media report that others, like them, have ignored the behaviour.

More than half of young people surveyed say that they never confide in their parents when cyber bullying happens to them.

Only one out of every six parents of adolescents and teens are even aware of the scope and intensity of cyber bullying today.

More than 80 per cent of teens regularly use cell phones; a common medium for cyber bullying.

About half of young people have experienced some form of cyber bullying. Of them, almost 20 per cent experience cyber bullying regularly.

The most common types of cyber bullying tactics reported are mean, hurtful comments, as well as the spreading of rumours.

Cyber bullying affects all races.

Victims of cyber bullying are more likely to suffer from low self-esteem and to consider suicide.

Report From Counselling Service concerning Cyber Bullying Statistics

Childline, a free counselling service based in the United Kingdom, identified in their most recent annual report that cyber bullying concerns rose by a whopping 87 per cent in 2013 over the previous year. Depression and general unhappiness were cited as the main reasons for contacting the charity. Young people contacted the charity more online, by email or one-on-one chat sessions, than by telephone.

Cyber Bullying Statistics: What Can Be Done To Prevent Cyber Bullying?

The sad part about cyber bullying is that the people who love these teens and adolescents - including their friends, parents and teachers - often don't know what to do to help. Providing support to bullying victims is always encouraged and appropriate. Below, you'll find other ways to hopefully help deal with these vicious attacks.

Cyber Bullying Statistics: What Can Be Done To Prevent Cyber Bullying?

The sad part about cyber bullying is that the people who love these teens and adolescents - including their friends, parents and teachers - often don't know what to do to help. Providing support to bullying victims is always encouraged and appropriate. Below, you'll find other ways to hopefully help deal with these vicious attacks.

Talk to teens about cyber bullying, explain that it is wrong and can have serious consequences. You may want to have some specific rules with your teens regarding cyber bullying, such as banning sending mean texts or inappropriate behaviour online.

Encourage teens to report incidents of cyber bullying to an adult, but be careful to reassure victims that they will not be punished.

Reassure the bullying victim that they are not at fault for attacks against them.

Encourage adolescents and teens to save cyber bullying messages as proof. This is especially important if the incidents are eventually reported to the police, parents or school officials.

Since much of the cyber bullying attacks happen via cell phones, victims should start by changing their cell phone numbers and email addresses. You can also contact your cell phone provider to block the bully.

Encourage young people not to send information or photos by text or instant messaging that they wouldn't want shared publicly.
Please help us spread the word on Cyber Bullying Statistics with your friends or by social media. The best approach we have to raising awareness and combating cyber bullying is by fact-based, informed and sympathetic action. If you have any questions or would like to make a comment please join the conversation below, we'd love to hear from you.

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Cyber Bullying Statistics - NoBullying - Bullying & CyberBullying Resources

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With wider access to computers and other devices that can go online, the potential for cyber bullying has grown. No longer are bullies confined to picking on others on the school playground. Today, many bullies are refraining from physical bullying, opting instead bullying by email, social media, instant messaging and other online modes of communication.

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Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Shakespeare, Sonnet 116

The qualities of true, romantic love have inspired playwrights, poets, and philosophers throughout the ages. Love is an ideal; an inspiration - a feeling of passion and commitment that adds richness and joy to life. A loving relationship provides a secure base from which to grow, expand and explore the world. Yet, until recently, we did not know for sure whether romantic love could last, or whether it inevitable transformed into companionate love - enduring friendship characterized more by shared interests, commitments and values than passion and excitement. Or, even more disappointing, perhaps love inevitably fades and couples stay together in miserable or passionless relationships because of social convention, convenience, and duty.

Are Kids Relationship Ruiners?

Can Romantic Love Last?

At the other end of the spectrum, brain imaging studies provide proof that romantic love can last, at least for around 5-12 percent of couples, according to researcher Art Aron, the romantic love guru from Stony Brook University, in New York, whose studies look inside the brains of couples in love. In a touching side-note, Aron often collaborates in these studies with his wife of 37 years, Elaine Aron, also a researcher at Stony Brook.

The Brain in Love

Sex and the Brain

How Do We Keep the Spark of Love Alive?

Research findings suggest we can rebuild or enhance love in relationships by:

1. Generosity - Being helpful and considerate in small and large ways, doing our fair share of chores, stepping in to allow our partner to take a break.

2. Positivity - Focusing on and communicating about our partner's positive qualities. Showing appreciation and affection on a regular basis.

3. Attachment - Allowing our partners to turn to us and depend on us when they are vulnerable; providing a secure emotional base and reassurance of worth.

4. Expansion - Helping our partners to expand their worlds by engaging in novel and challenging activities together and bringing in our own passion for life.

My next post will provide concrete tools for using these research-based strategies to strengthen your own romantic relationships.

Visit my website:

Follow me on twitter @drmelanieg

like me on facebook www.fb.com/mindfulselfexpress

Read my Psychology Today blog & personal blog
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express
http://marinpsychologist.blogspot.com

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Love is a feeling of passion and commitment that adds richness and joy to life. Yet, until recently, we didn't know whether love and sexual attraction could last a lifetime. Now, brain science may hold the key. Learn the secrets of the brain in love and some practical strategies for rekindling the romance in your marriage or relationship.

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Relationship Rights & Responsibilities | I Am Courageous

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Not to try to have power or control over my partner. To respect the privacy of others, including their rights to private conversations, phone calls, text messages, social networking activities, emails, etc.

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HPA works closely with the Ministry of Health's immunisation team to provide communications and marketing support for its National Immunisation Programme.

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Relationship Rights & Responsibilities | I Am Courageous

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Not to try to have power or control over my partner. To respect the privacy of others, including their rights to private conversations, phone calls, text messages, social networking activities, emails, etc.

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teen dating violence sexual assault stalking

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Dating Violence - It's About Power and Control

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Dating Violence - This wheel represents a snapshot of what a violent teen dating relationship looks like.

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I call this one: Inner Peace. It was made for you guys, and it represents that inside all that chaos and wars around us, we should protect our inner self and keep growing, keep blooming. It shows that the lines are very blurry, that sometimes our ins...

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I call this one: Inner Peace. It was made for you guys, and it represents that inside all that chaos and wars around us, we should protect our inner self and keep growing, keep blooming. It shows that the lines are very blurry, that sometimes our ins...