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Shame impacts the way one's identity is shaped.

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As Jeannette opens the memoir, the reader learns that she lives on Park Avenue, an affluent area in New York. Jeanette was on her way to a party when she notices her mother foraging for food in a nearby dumpster: "It had been months since I saw Mom...I was overcome with panic that she'd see me and call out my name...and my secret would be out...I slid down in the seat and asked the driver to turn around and take me home" (Walls 3).  Significance: The first feeling Jeanette has upon seeing her mother in months is one of shame. The intense humiliation she feels directly impacts her behavior. Jeanette displays anxiety as she is "overcome with panic" and positions herself away from the view of people. Reflection: I think Jeannette  chooses to begin with this passage because she understands shame has been controlling her, and the first step in remedying the situation is to recognize it. The fact that she is able to share this information with readers in the first passage of her memoir proves shame does not have the same hold on her as it did before.

Author: Mrs. L.

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Jeanette describes a time when her siblings and mother, Rosemary,  went to the library and cooled off in the sweltering heat in a fountain. They had fun pretending to be crocodiles in the water, but she quickly learned this was not customary: "We attracted a small crowd of people who kept insisting that swimming was forbidden in the water...I was feeling kind of embarrassed and started to climb out" (Walls 104).  Significance: As Jeanette cools off with her siblings and listening to her mother, she starts to realize her family is engaging in a practice that does not conform to the norms of society. Reflection: In my opinion, she shares this event with readers because, even though her mother believes it is acceptable,  she becomes self-conscious of her family's actions as people openly tell them it is unacceptable. Through her actions of "climbing out" she shows that she acknowledges social norms and does not feel comfortable relying on non-conformity as her mother does. She is not comfortable with her peers judging her family's behavior.
Author: Mrs. L.

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Jeannette doesn't like her peers questioning her about not having lunch, so she begins hiding in the bathroom during lunch hour. While hiding, she is shocked by how many students waste food and toss it into the garbage. Jeanette searches the garbage for food  daily, and sometimes there is more food than she can eat: "The first time I found extra food...I stuffed it in my purse...back in the classroom I became terrified...they'd figure out that I pinched it from the trash" (Walls 173). Significance: Even though Jeannette is living in poverty without enough food at home, and she is taken aback by how much food her peers waste, she is fearful her peers will discover the truth about her situation, so she throws out the  bologna sandwich she was saving for her brother. Her fear is so  consuming that is impacts her choices, and she puts people who aren't even her friends ahead of her own family's needs. Reflection: My belief is that Jeannette, a strong girl who  uses her resources and perseveres through hardship, feels defeated by the shameful  feelings she has about her life. When she states that she is "terrified" her classmates will smell the bologna sandwich, and she even believes she can smell it wafting from her purse, her fear and shame are causing her to feel paranoid. Her family's basic need of food is replaced by the fear of being found out.
Author: Mrs. L.

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When the family is living on Little Hobart Street in Welch, Jeannette becomes more cognizant of her surroundings and the impact it has on others.  Her inspirational nature is not enough to keep her from the shameful emotions she feels about her family's situation. Jeannette desperately wants to fit in with others, and in an attempt to do so, she paints their house: "It would look, at least from the outside, almost like the houses other people lived in" (Walls 157). Significance: When she is unable to complete the job, she becomes shameful: "We now had a weird-looking half finished patch job--one that announced to the world that the people inside the house...lacked the gumption to get the work done" (Walls 158). Reflection: I believe as Jeannette matures she begins to see their lives through the perspective of others; she is beginning to separate herself from the adventurous picture of their life, which Rex Wall's paints for the family. As she does this, her worries about judgement of others surfaces and her feelings of shame develops.
Author: Mrs. L.