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Hi, Cerea! A strength of your narrative, “An Ordinary Saturday,” is your onomatopoeia. You have fabulous onomatopoeia throughout your narrative story. For example, I liked when you said, “Pump, Pump, Pump. My heart was pounding like a disaster.” You really made the reader know what your heart felt like during this moment you are trying to get across. Another strength of your narrative is the smilies you incorporated into your narrative. For example, I absolutely loved when you said, “It sucked me up like a furious  black hole…” This made the reader really picture what the quicksand felt like as it sucked the main character in. However something I wish you included in your piece was more about the boy who came to see the main character stuck in the quicksand. Giving the reader more knowledge about the boy would make it more interesting to see his character traits, and if he is actually there to help the main character. Besides that, amazing job with your narrative story! Great job!

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Hello, Cerea! I really enjoyed reading your piece and I have some feedback for you. A strength in your narrative is your excellent word choice. I thought it was really clever of you to use the words such as “caressed”, “occupied” and many more. Another strength that you have in your piece is your inner  thoughts. I thought that your inner thoughts were very well written.  I thought that it was very smart to use an inner thought as a transition to the main part of your story. However I do think that you could've written more. I do think that your piece was very good but I feel like it was too short and knowing how much you can write I do think that there was so much lost potential.

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Hi Cerea!!! I really enjoyed reading your piece and I have some feedback for you! A pro for your piece is the amazing figurative language that you weaved throughout your piece! My favorite sentence that you wrote with figurative language is “Her almond-shaped eyes turned colorless at the sight of her pastel blue ragged blouse.” Another Pro for your piece is your word choice! I think that you used some words that really made your piece feel very proper. A few words that you used that I thought was very clever is “abolished” and ”fiddling”. I could not find a flaw in you pice. I think that your pice was perfect! I really enjoyed reading it!

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Hello Cerea! I really loved how you worded your paragraphs in your persuasive essay, “You don't understand, uniforms must be banned!”! The way you described the different settings throughout your essay was absolutely breathtaking and satisfying :). Another great strength of your essay was the anecdotes themselves, they really acted out the missing parts of your persuasive puzzle. I think your essay was phenomenal, and I would keep it the same way it is, Great job :D

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Hi, Cerea! A strength of your essay, “You Don’t Understand, Uniforms Must Be Banned!” is all of the descriptive words you added. Some descriptive words that I really liked were, “peculiar”, “crippled”, “annihilated”, and so many more! In addition, I loved your anecdote in your introduction paragraph. A part that really caught my attention was when you said, “Tears streamed down her chubby cheeks. Her almond-shaped eyes turned colorless at the sight of her pastel blue ragged blouse. She slowly put the wrinkled blouse over her head and her crippled skirt over her legs.”. It felt like I was there in the moment and I think that you did an amazing job with your introduction! However, a suggestion that I can offer for improvement is to shorten your zinger. I think that you should get rid of the part that says, “It’s not a new idea either. I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand because the narration was in German.” I think this part shouldn’t be there because I think it takes away the powerful question before it. I do not think that the last part is needed. The part where it says how he couldn’t understand it because it was in German doesn’t really matter or relates to your essay. I think it would be more powerful if you ended off on “now they have to make them look alike too?” Other than that, you have crafted an incredible persuasive essay!

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In the story, “ The Helping Hand.” I loved the way you made the ocean a monster and how fast you made it seem real. It's like you were writing it from when you were five(Except better figurative language, etc). I adored the sentence, “Woosh! As soon as I knew it, the ocean was a terrifying monster.”. It made it seem I was in the moment with you! One wish I have is that you could have made it more of a snapshot story rather than a real story.

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An amazing strength of your memoir was the figurative language. “The giant emerald green palm tree, dancing in the wind.” I loved that sentence. It’s full of detail and figurative language, I do not think I could have ever come up with something as great as that. I also liked the way you described the tree, it adds a nice vibe to your memoir. In addition, I liked how you added about your dad comforting you, sometimes we all take our parents for granted when they try to protect us, and I surely learned from your memoir. I’m sure everybody else who read it also learned something new. However, i wish you had added a little about how you healed from this traumatic experience, but in other words, great job!

🥣

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Wow. That’s all I can say. Your memoir is amazing! I think that you did an amazing job on show, not tell. You paint a very clear picture in the reader’s mind. I love how you describe the wave knocking you over, how you clearly express your fear. I also like how you included your icy slurpee in the beginning, when it didn’t really matter, and then again, at the end, when it helped calm you down. I also like how you phrased it - “icy slurpee” has a ring to it! I just suggest that you go into even more detail at the climax. It would make it even better if you expand on it, whether it’s when you get knocked over by the wave or when you are rescued. That’s another thing - which part is the climax is unclear. Otherwise, great memoir!

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A strength in your memoir was how descriptive you were about your moment. You gave so much figurative language, and how you felt during the moment. Another strength you had was the terrific inner thoughts you added, and how you felt during the moment. You gave such good inner thoughts and really made the reader know what you were thinking inside. Nice job! You have awesome stars, but something I wish you included in your piece was what the setting and your surroundings looked like during the moment. Like what you saw during the moment.

Besides that, Awesome job with your memoir!

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I really love how you talked about ramen noddles and your descriptive word choice!And when you said your really tired you can be found reading a book under your blanket or watching a movie in your bed.

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I liked the detail you added. I especially like how you said “it’s a steep, slippery, and icy mountain.” I have experience from skiing but if someone was reading and never skied before they would understand a lot more from all your details! I also really liked your quote, “All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.” - Walt Disney. I think you chose a very inspirational quote! It made me feel really happy when I read it. I think it would do the same to all your readers. However I think you could use some bigger word choices. I think you could have varied your word choice. For example, you used dislike and the word I a lot. Not that the word “I” is bad but most of your sentences start with I. Maybe you could say “Baking mouth-watering chocolate chip cookies is something I adore.” or something like that. Besides that, I really enjoyed your piece. Great job! 👏

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Hi Cerea! I love how you used such great words in your title! It was great understanding and reading your favorite foods. One thing I wished you added was more about your dislikes, its important to share as much likes as dislikes.

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I like your quote and I like that you are just like me because you don’t like homework that is hard I think that you can also add in your about me what do you like write about and what you want to be in the Future