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A photo of my beautiful mother who is finally happy with her life after years of sadness and worries

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My mother and sister crossed the border to come to the United States when my sister was around the age of four. Although, my mother had me seven years after they arrived, she embodied the idea of "transnational motherhood". One of the main things that Pierrette Hondagneu-Sotelo in the article was "I'm here, but I'm there" were our mother was present in the lives of other children besides her own. My sister and I most of the time were jumping from one family member's house to another. Our aunts were the ones who raised us as their own and even though we wished our mom spent more time with us we knew this was a lifestyle that wouldn't last for long... well, that's what we hoped. As our family members took care of us, they never once let my mother look like the villain in their children's life. They made sure we were always aware that this was the one thing that worked for us at that moment. As much as my mom wanted to prioritize us, she knew that we wouldn't be happy as a family if money wasn't accessible. She created a system that as grown adults, we're able to cherish those moments we did have with her. She was in our lives financially but emotionally we learned to not know what love from a mother figure is.

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This is a picture of my sister and I hugging in our childhood home around 2006!

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I am now nine-teen, and my sister is twenty-seven. We are not the two little girls who would spend one night at our aunt's house before getting driven to another family members home, now we are two young women who learned to always have each other's back! As much as we hated having a mother who would be a nanny for multiple families in order to financially support us and any after school activity we enjoyed, it has affected us now that we are older. The kids she took care of have more pictures with my mother at soccer games than she has with her daughters during choir/spelling bees. The hatred I once had towards my mother will never compare to the pressure my sister had when feeling like she was alone in this world having to carry the baggage of raising me. Till this day I see my sister as more of a mother figure that I will ever see my mother. We always felt that our mother chose to raise other children as a way to fill the emptiness she had due to missing our biggest achievements.

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A picture of my father smiling after recovering from a major surgery he had due to a work accident

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Growing up my dad has always had this belief which Lorber mentions in the article, "Social Construction of Gender" about western culture and the ideology certain people have when it comes to the "two standardized genders". The reasoning behind my dad's belief was always that he grew up in a conservative home were his dad always made sure they only did manly things and made sure they were aware what to look for in a wife. Obviously, at an early age my sister and I were never self-aware on how our dad made sure we had the house clean or to stay home with which ever aunt was taking care of us because that's the place of a women. As I became a teen, a stage where I became more outspoken or as my dad would say "contestona" which is a Spanish term for mouthy/talked back. I understood that he had this masculinity mindset where he thought men were the superior. He never got the end of it until my sister, and I put him in his place! we made sure he was aware of the damage that causes us as women especially as his daughters. Growing up we thought it was okay for men to give us orders because we did not know any better. I was told a women shouldn't know how to drive and look at me I'm almost twenty in a couple of months and I still don't know. Till this day I always tell my father these are lessons that could have been a core memory having a father who was available to their daughters. Instead, we had an absent father who preferred to teach us to obey men than teach us what not to look for in a man.

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A picture of my sister and I in the park as we were both struggling mentally. Neither of us felt present but continued to push with our lives.

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In the video made by As/Is they focused on women sharing their struggles with beauty standards emphasizing on the critiques their own parents made towards them. when it comes to beauty standards, I genuinely believe more than half of the population struggles with them. My sister and I grew up in a family were there was never a moment when our weight wasn't mentioned. Since we have always been the black sheep of the family because our we have divorced parents (this always seems to trigger the religious side of the family) and have isolated ourselves from any family festivities due to the drama and negativity that always get brought up. When we do make special appearances the first thing we are told is, "wow that clothes look a bit to revealing" or "you should watch your weight you don't want to get diabetes" or "at your age I had a way better looking body than you do know isn't that sad" etc. I could go on and on the list in never ending. It is always very sad how the people who hate on you and criticize the way you look are the people who are supposed to "love you no matter what". Sadly, our story doesn't end here, our mom has always been the one who points any insecurity one of us might have in public. She has gone to the extreme to send up a dieting product because supposedly this will help us love our body more. As the video mentions beauty standards are something that will always exist, but it takes courage for a person to love themselves and be thankful for everything their body does for them.  The reason why I attached the picture above was for one to be able to see the heavy bags I have under my eyes and the fake smile my sister shows. This was a picture taken after we left from a birthday party that was hosted by a family member. In our personal lives we were already struggling with mental health issues, and we were barely making it through life. It comes to show that these beauty standards and comments people really bring a person's self-esteem, and one should only make a comment towards a person if it's something positive.

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This is a recent picture of my sister and I after we had recently moved from oc to riverside. The first time we genu felt happy with the progress.

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struggles with beauty standards: part two

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struggles with beauty standards: part two

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My sister and I moved to Riverside last year where she decided to start a new chapter along my side as I headed to UC Riverside for college! We left our immediate family and all the negativity that was coming from our parents and aunts. We haven't been this happy in such a long time that we decided to have a photoshoot in clothes we felt that represented us and the love we have for our body. We posted these pictures on social media knowing they would have the family talking about the rolls they see and the dark spots on our skin and the many imperfections that I guess they don't have! The only person that should have such a say about our bodies is ourselves and for their information, just because I have rolls does not mean I am unhealthy not that it should be any of their concern. The love that I have for my body has involved a lot of self-love and therapy sessions but that does not mean that these beauty standards that are placed on us at such a young age doesn't do us damage as we get older.