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Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
Where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

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Kate:Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: No, of course not. Kate: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.

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Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."

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Lol

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Those friends

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Patient: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
Doctor: Yes, of course.Patient: Great! I never could before!

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- What do you get from a pampered cow?

- Spoiled milk.

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Teacher:  Today we’re going to talk about tenses. Now, if I say “I am beautiful,”  which tense is it?
Peter:  It is obviously the past tense!

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Doctor jokes - psychologist at public hospital

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What is the difference between a cat and a dog.
Dogs think: Humans are benevolent, they feed me, and take care of me, so they must be Gods.
Cats instead think: Humans are benevolent, they feed me, and take care of me, so I must be God.

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Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

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Fat patient: Doctor, I want to lose weight fast.
Doctor: It is very easy, just keep shaking your head, left and right.
Fat patient: All the time?
Doctor: No, only when someone offers you food.