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"If God existed, if He was minimally fair, let alone loving and forgiving, how could He do this to me?" (4)

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"If God existed, if He was minimally fair, let alone loving and forgiving, how could He do this to me?" (4)

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For me personally in my own faith journey, this tends to be a question that comes up a lot. I was on a mission trip this summer when we all received news that a friend's mom had passed away. How do you deal with that? I was down in Mississippi being preached to of God's loving, saving nature, yet at the same time I was witnessing a wonderful person's suffering. I can't pretend to understand it all, and it's something that is still difficult for me to deal with. People may say something along the lines of, "But she's in a better place!" That may be true. But it doesn't change the fact that her daughter, her family, her friends are still on this Earth grieving. This question has posed much difficulty for me, and I have not suffered anywhere close to the type of loss Kushner has. Losing a child must be one of the worst things that can happen. I give him a lot of credit for keeping with his faith, rather than shunning God and turning his back on religion.

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"Tragedies like this were supposed to happen to selfish, dishonest people whom I, as a rabbi, would then try to comfort by assuring them of God's forgiving love." (6)

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"Tragedies like this were supposed to happen to selfish, dishonest people whom I, as a rabbi, would then try to comfort by assuring them of God's forgiving love." (6)

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I can understand the sentiment behind Kushner's words and former mindset, but I disagree. Growing up, learning about my religion always posed an insurmountable paradox for me. One day, we would be taught that God is all-forgiving, the next, we'd be taught that about Noah's arc and how He flooded the world to rid it of evil people. Religious mindsets throughout history have illustrated this as well. Historically, many sects of Christianity paint God as an angry, fire and brimstone God. They live their lives out of fear of committing sin and receiving punishment. Personally, this is not the way I grew up, but I still have questions. I believe that, ideally, God is forgiving. Since I think this way, I take issue with the idea that some people "deserve" pain and suffering. People can do bad things without being bad people. Yes, that only extends to a certain degree - mortal sins do exist - but I believe that God's forgiveness is far-reaching. I don't know why bad things happen, but I know that nobody deserves to go through something as terrible as Kushner did, regardless of their strength in faith or lack thereof.

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"I pick up the daily paper and fresh challenges to the idea of the world's goodness assault my eyes: senseless murders, fatal practical jokes, young people killed in automobile accidents on the way to their wedding or coming home from their high school prom" (10).

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"I pick up the daily paper and fresh challenges to the idea of the world's goodness assault my eyes: senseless murders, fatal practical jokes, young people killed in automobile accidents on the way to their wedding or coming home from their high school prom" (10).

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I think the world around us often does pose difficulty in remaining faithful and believing in goodness. Part of this tends to be the influence of the media. Despite good things happening around us, society tends to hyper-focus on the negative. Every headline becomes a tragedy; every television news becomes the latest death. Particularly, with the recent events of the Parkland shooting, I cannot even imagine how those students and teachers must have felt. These tragedies are not fair and not deserved. There is no such thing as justice when a 15 year old girl is losing her best friend to a disaster that should not have happened. There's a reason that anger is one of the five stages of grief, and I'm sure many of them were initially furious that this had happened to people who didn't deserve their fate. While, after listening to some of them speak at Columbia, I do believe some student have found healing through the support of the vast majority of the nation, the struggling is still there. I hope they can find good in the world even though it must feel like there is none.

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"I would acknowledge that he has said something perceptive and important about the world we live in, that being dishonest and unscrupulous often gives people a head start, but that justice catches up to them." (17)

Unscrupulous: adj. having or showing no moral principles; not honest or fair

That evening, under the cloak of night, the unscrupulous thief broke into the church and stole the food pantry donations.

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Maggie, knowing how much I had loved Mitch Albom's 'Tuesday's With Morrie', had suggested this book because it dealt with similar themes, and the rabbi author is connected to one of Albom's stories. For me, I think this book could offer insight into what has become one of the most fundamental questions in my faith: Why do bad things happen to good people? I also hope to gain perspective on my own life in appreciating everything I have.

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"She wanted so desperately to go on believing that, to hold onto her belief that God was in charge of things, because if he wasn't, who was?" (20).

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"She wanted so desperately to go on believing that, to hold onto her belief that God was in charge of things, because if he wasn't, who was?" (20).

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In another book I read, there was a man who was a doctor. He would see patients die in his hands and witness vast amounts of suffering. One of the people he knew was an atheist. The atheist always wondered how the doctor could keep believing in God despite watching so much pain. When the atheist experienced a large tragedy, he could finally understand. While the doctor could curse and be angry with God, the atheist had nowhere to go and no one to blame. The doctor, on the other hand, still had something to believe in. Despite feeling anger and loss, he never stopped believing in God. People need something to believe in, which is what religion serves as for many people. For me personally, I find comfort in the belief that there is some higher power out there and that there are moral principles that govern our universe. I do not know how I would cope with loss and suffering if I did not believe that something existed beyond death, likewise, praying gives me hope and strength to continue in my own life. I find peace with myself and with my life through my faith that most things will work out in the end, or at the very least, that there is something beyond.

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"We may thus "prove" that there is really no such thing as darkness or cold, but people do stumble and hurt themselves because of the dark, and people do die of exposure to cold.  Their deaths and injuries are no less real because of our verbal cleverness." (33)

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"We may thus "prove" that there is really no such thing as darkness or cold, but people do stumble and hurt themselves because of the dark, and people do die of exposure to cold.  Their deaths and injuries are no less real because of our verbal cleverness." (33)

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I thought this sentiment was extremely important. Writing and spoken language tends to romanticize horrible events, which can be very dangerous, because it overlooks the fact that people are actually hurt or suffering. For example, this was a huge issue with the Netflix show '13 Reasons Why.' Many people argued that it glorified suicide and did not adhere to regulations posted by the National Suicide Prevention association. Or, perhaps, there was that one post floating through VSCO claiming that Van Gogh 'ate yellow paint because he wanted to be happy.' Mental illness and tragedy is often romanticized, but the wording of certain recollections obstructs the true nature of these events. People don't commit suicide for attention. Van Gogh was mentally ill. Despite people's well-meaning statements that Kushner's child is 'in a better place', it does not take away from the very real pain and loss he feels at the death of a child.

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"But it can also be an excuse for not being troubled or outraged by injustice around us, and using our God-given intelligence to try to do something about it." (34)

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"But it can also be an excuse for not being troubled or outraged by injustice around us, and using our God-given intelligence to try to do something about it." (34)

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While this may be applicable for many, I am happy to say that I feel this is not the case in today's world. People of all generations have come together to support vast multitudes of causes in recent years, whether that be science, women's rights, or gun control. I had the privilege of attending the March for Our Lives in Boston. The most powerful statement to me was the span of different age groups. On one side of me, there would be a four year old kid holding a poster, and on the other side, there would be a grandmother yelling a chant. This is people being fed up with how things currently are. This is people coming together to do something about it. This is people demanding change and being determined enough to see it through.

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"Blaming the victim is a way of reassuring ourselves that the world is not as bad a place as it may seem, and that there are good reasons for people's suffering." (44)

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"Blaming the victim is a way of reassuring ourselves that the world is not as bad a place as it may seem, and that there are good reasons for people's suffering." (44)

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I have never before stopped to consider the truth of this statement. It is a sad reality that society looks to blame the poor, the homeless, the mentally ill: "You did this to yourself. You chose this." Nobody would choose this for themselves, and nobody deserves this. We look to try to justify this mentality because it justifies what we have as a result. For example, I recently participated in a Privilege Walk, in which we had to either step forward or backwards in a line depending on how much we aligned with different statements. At the end, the people in the front had more privilege, while those in the back were at an inherent disadvantage. That day, the facilitators had preached to us that it was all about recognizing and remaining sensitive to different backgrounds, and that it only matters how you use your privilege. Yet there existed a feeling of guilt among those high-ranking people: Why do I deserve this over someone else? I face similar issues looking towards the college process. Because I identify as Latina, it makes my life easier in the admissions process, since there are different standards and quotas that exist by race. However, I take issue with this, because I feel like I didn't earn this any more than the person next to be did. I have this innate added benefit of being able to identify as "minority", even while I have faced no prejudice or harassment for it. It's a strange thing. I don't know exactly what can be done to rectify these situations, but I can see why many try to justify what they have and what others do not.

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"To say that everything works out in God's world may be comforting to the casual bystander, but it is an insult to the bereaved and the unfortunate." (44)

Bereaved: v. be deprived of a loved one through a profound absence, especially due to the loved one's death

Now, she was bereaved and distraught; she wept over her daughter's grave as the thunder crackled.

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"We can be angry with what has happened to us, without feeling that we are angry at God" (51).

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"We can be angry with what has happened to us, without feeling that we are angry at God" (51).

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Realizing that some things may be out of God's control can lead to a total shift in mindset, which will be beneficial in the long run. Throughout history, religions have been built on guilt. If something bad happened, it was because the person deserved it. If we separate the idea of God from misfortune, we can realize that He is not at the root of the suffering. In realizing this, we can therefore determine that it is nothing that we did to deserve this. Nobody deserves it, and if God could control everything, He would not want us to suffer. However, He may not be able to control everything. Instead of feeling guilt and blame, we can take comfort in knowing that we can ask God for His help through our own suffering and pain.

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"Laws of nature treat everyone alike.  They do not make exceptions for good people or for useful people" (66).

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"Laws of nature treat everyone alike.  They do not make exceptions for good people or for useful people" (66).

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It is interesting the way that Kushner distinguishes between randomness and predictability. In a sense, these laws are predictable. They will work every time. As Kushner says, gravity will always make objects fall. Yet, there is a certain randomness to this kind of thinking. There is a certain randomness to the fact that one person will be walking by at a particular moment when something breaks off of a building and falls on him. To understand these relationships, these seeming paradoxes, between order and chaos, between randomness and predictability, is a difficult thing. It seems they interact with each other and need each other to exist, yet they seem so polar from each other. It makes me wonder exactly how these relationships work, and I wonder if people prefer to look at the world one way over another. There are people in my life that firmly believe everything happens for a reason, and there are people who believe there are no reasons. I wonder if one way is easier than another, or if it depends on the person, and furthermore, if it is possible to allow two contrasting ideas coexist in one's mind.

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"Job asked questions about God, but he did not need lessons in theology.  He needed sympathy and compassion and the reassurance that he was a good person and a cherished friend" (77).

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"Job asked questions about God, but he did not need lessons in theology.  He needed sympathy and compassion and the reassurance that he was a good person and a cherished friend" (77).

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We cannot begin to understand the root of suffering, or precisely why these things happen. To explain it to someone that way is not how humanity functions. Humans are social, emotional beings. While there are rational reasons, scientific laws, and biological tendencies that can accumulate into certain misfortunes of health and disease, explaining that to somebody does him no good. Empathy is such a valuable trait to human nature. Rather than explaining to a sick man why he is sick, it is more productive to feel bad that he is sick, to sympathize with him in knowing nobody deserves that pain. People need other people, and people need other people's support. Oftentimes, people don't necessarily want a rational, logical answer; they simply want and need somebody to sit and listen and offer support.

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"This is what it means to be human 'in the image of God.'  It means being free to make choices instead of doing whatever our instincts would tell us to do " (88)

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"This is what it means to be human 'in the image of God.'  It means being free to make choices instead of doing whatever our instincts would tell us to do " (88)

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I can understand that to be human is to exist on a continuum. Without the lowest of lows, we would not experience the highest of highs. We have to make painful choices, we sometimes get hurt, but we also have the opportunity to love and be happy and appreciate everything in our lives. I'm not sure which is better. Kushner in this context describes our human ability to choose as a "freedom." I would suppose that it is. Yet, this freedom has its limitations. As a result of feeling everything, as a result of having the choice, we are free to feel pain, to feel suffering. We are free to hurt others and to hurt ourselves, as others are free to hurt us. God cannot control this aspect of human nature; He gave us the ability to choose. Everything would be simpler had we not been given this ability. That is not to say value does not come from fully living the human experience, but I cannot help but think about the animal who lives in a state of ignorant bliss, governed by pure instinct alone.

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"But the sense of guilt, the sense of 'it's my fault', seems to be universal" (102).

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"But the sense of guilt, the sense of 'it's my fault', seems to be universal" (102).

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Dealing with guilt for something that you did not inherently cause is one of the worst feelings there is. Yet, somehow, it seems uncontrollable. To understand, people want a reason. If they cannot find a reason, they will invent one, they will mull over each possible thing that happened or did not happen, they will turn towards themselves. It's not something that can just go away. People feel a need to understand why things end, why things break, why bad things happen. That it is randomized is not a fulfilling answer. In that, if people cannot find an answer, they often blame themselves. They think of everything they did or did not do and they struggle in overcoming the fact that there are things beyond people's -- beyond even God's -- control. These things happen, sometimes as a result of accumulated events, but more often simply because they happen. People die, people get sick, people get hurt. While it is difficult to accept that no underlying reason exists, it is more difficult to live believing that it was somehow a result of things you did.

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"He is told, to his immense relief, that it is alright to be angry at people you love... The only thing wrong with doing it is that what happened to us was not really [anyone's] fault" (120).

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"He is told, to his immense relief, that it is alright to be angry at people you love... The only thing wrong with doing it is that what happened to us was not really [anyone's] fault" (120).

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Blame is an intensely difficult thing to overcome, whether it be blaming yourself or blaming somebody else. Anger is okay and anger is often understandable, but it may not always be productive. In many situations, it is no one's fault. But by the same token, one should not feel guilty for being angry. Anger, again, is something that exists on the spectrum of human emotion. It is a natural part of life, and everybody will feel angry at some point. It is important to remind ourselves that oftentimes it is not our fault, and oftentimes it is not someone else's fault. Again, things happen. It is better to be angry at the situation than to be angry with yourself or the people around you.

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"In that way, the community would be able to share the most joyous and the most frightening moments of life.  No one would have to face them alone" (132).

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"In that way, the community would be able to share the most joyous and the most frightening moments of life.  No one would have to face them alone" (132).

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I really like that idea of a religious community, or any community at all, coming together to share these moments. I guess I never thought too deeply about that in regards to religion - the way that the Sacraments, the moments we value as Christians, are sacred times we share together. Together, we celebrate marriage and first Communions and life and love; also together, we mourn over loss and support each other through prayer and intention. Even more deeply after reading this, I believe in the community of the people in my life. I know that they are here to support me through my happiest days and my sad ones. Community is togetherness.

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"This had to be a book that would affirm life.  It would have to say that no one ever promised us a life free from pain and disappointment" (146).

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"This had to be a book that would affirm life.  It would have to say that no one ever promised us a life free from pain and disappointment" (146).

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Life is painful. It is raw and unfiltered and difficult. But it can also be full of love and happiness and amazing people and amazing moments. That is the beauty of life. Without highs and lows, we would be static. We are not guaranteed lives free from suffering, but through the suffering, we can better appreciate our precious moments. While this does not justify suffering, I take comfort in knowing that there are people around me to help me through anything. There are people who care, and people who will continue to care. Human connection is quite possibly, in my opinion, the most important aspect of life itself. Through finding a community, we can have people who will not only celebrate with us, but be there in our times of need.

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"Science can describe what has happened to a person; only religion can call it a tragedy" (156).

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"Science can describe what has happened to a person; only religion can call it a tragedy" (156).

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At the end of the day, the precise reasons for what happened and what could have happened differently do not matter so much as the support somebody receives. People want to feel validated in their emotions. They need to know they are not alone in their suffering. Despite ways of explaining and rationalizing and blaming, people cannot explain away the pain. Emotion is not rational. Emotion is raw and is not driven by logic; you cannot control feelings. Yet emotion is part of what makes us human and part of what makes us able to relate to others. Through this empathy, we can form stronger connections and our own lives can become more fulfilling.

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"In the Jewish tradition, the special prayer known as the Mourner's Kiddish is not about death, but about life" (153).

Mourner's Kiddish: n. an ancient Jewish prayer sequence that praises God for all of the good He has created in the world

Despite her devastating loss, reciting the Mourner's Kiddish kept her grounded as a reminder of all the reasons why life is worth living.