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Listen to this 13-minute story about how one librarian was an important buffer for a young family. 

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Listen to this 13-minute story about how one librarian was an important buffer for a young family. 

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Growing Shelf-Awareness - This American Life

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Lydia Sigwarth spent a lot of time in her public library growing up – all day, almost every day, for six months straight.

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​Red Birth Green started as the Rootead Doula Collective in 2016 as a way to address the staggering infant mortality rates of Black and Brown babies in Kalamazoo county. This is still one of our areas of passion and remains the reason why equitable access to the support you want and deserve is our driving mission. Our services reflect this ethos and are available to all people. The name "Red Birth Green" was born of a desire to honor the Pan-African flag and the meanings its colors carry.

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​Red Birth Green started as the Rootead Doula Collective in 2016 as a way to address the staggering infant mortality rates of Black and Brown babies in Kalamazoo county. This is still one of our areas of passion and remains the reason why equitable access to the support you want and deserve is our driving mission.

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Parenthood Is A Shock To The System. These Tips Can Help You With The Transition

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Between chronic lack of sleep, identity shifts and heightened demands on time and resources, parenthood can be a tough transition. Life Kit asked parents to share what helped them through Year 1.

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Tips for making friends with other parents

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Tips for making friends with other parents

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Credit... Pablo Rochat

To build up your tribe, go where other parents are and pursue connections without heavy expectations.

This guide was originally published on July 17, 2019 in NYT Parenting.

The birth of my second child threw my world into chaos. I went from being a working parent of one manageable child to a stay-at-home mom with a toddler and an infant. I felt alone, and my nipples ached while I cleaned poop off the floor. What I needed was a friend.

I struck up a conversation with a mother at my daughter's preschool. I thought it went well, so I asked, "Want to go out for coffee sometime?" She shrugged, "You should go out with my sister. You both seem to need friends."

I never went out with her sister. But by continuing to make my neediness known and asking moms online and offline out for dates, I did find my friends (and I stopped bragging to my toddler about my degrees). Study after study show that people with strong friendships are happier, healthier and more satisfied with their lives. Additionally, friendships are a relief valve for the pressure of other roles in our lives, like parenthood.

Finding parent friends can be just as fraught and unnerving as dating, so I spoke to two authors who wrote books about parenting and friendship, and to parents from all over the country, about how to find new friends as a parent.

Melanie Dale, author of " Women Are Scary: The Totally Awkward Adventure of Finding Mom Friends," offers a practical, step-by-step approach to meeting new parent friends. She advises that parents stick close to home - try meeting local parents at a park or pool, or even a mall playground close to you. Some movie theater chains have mommy-and-me screenings on weekday mornings and afternoons (Google your city and "baby-friendly screenings" to find some).

It can seem a little awkward to go to your local children's museum just to "pick up" another mom. But rest assured, you aren't the only one on the lookout for friends. Michael Auteri, a New Jersey-based father of a toddler, met his best dad friend on the bus commuting into New York City. They saw each other every day, so Auteri struck up a conversation about a book the other dad was reading. One thing led to another: Now, they meet at least once a month at a park with their kids in tow.

Dale advises starting a conversation with a fellow mom by giving her a compliment, something about her child or clothes or ability to calmly handle a tantrum. But you may be able to bond over negativity, too: I met a mom friend when my son was an infant and I was breastfeeding at a park. She overheard me grumble to myself about boob sweat, and we've been friends ever since.

Dale also encourages parents to initiate contact without expectations. "If another mom tells you she can't hang out, she may just be busy or maybe she was burned from her last friendship and she's nervous," Dale said. "And for those of us who are not initiators, maybe we need to say 'yes' next time someone gets up the courage to ask us out on a mom date."

Rachel Bertsche, author of " MWF Seeking BFF," encourages new parents stuck at home with a baby to sign up for a music class or baby yoga. These classes are really for the parents, she explained: "No 1-month-old is going to turn into a concert pianist. It's just a fun way to get out of the house and meet other parents."

Online parenting groups can be miserable, with in-fighting and passive aggressive comments, but they can also be an amazing way to find your tribe. Bertsche recommends trying Facebook Groups, Meetup or apps like Peanut and Bumble's friend feature to find your perfect parent match. You can search Facebook Groups for parent groups in your neighborhood. Even in my small Iowa town, there are hundreds of groups organized by interests ranging from yoga to a favorite TV show to cloth diapering. Meetup also has meetings organized for parents filtered out by interests. My local baby store has a Facebook group for parents in the area and regularly hosts meetups at the store. Most online groups will come with scheduled events and playdates that make it easier for you to take initiative.

It's hard to know what groups suit you until you spend some time in them, learn their rules and see how they handle controversy. Try to find groups that reflect your personality. If you are low-key and jokey, filter through groups for that tone. Bertsche met a mom friend by swiping through Bumble's friend feature and swiping right on a woman who said she wanted to do things without her kids. "That's how I knew we'd get along," she explained.

As the wife of a pastor, Lisa Cooper, based in Michigan, has moved quite a bit, so she relies on her children's friendliness to make friends. "It helps when you have kids who will talk to other kids. My youngest toddled over to another toddler, and they started playing. So I talked to the mom of the other kid. Now we're best friends!"

When kids are little, before the blessed drop-off playdates begin, Bertsche recommends meeting at a neutral third-party location, where kids can play and parents can talk. Go to a playground and then to coffee. Or the zoo and then lunch. Or pack a picnic and go to a concert in the park.

Bertsche suggests finding a place where you won't always be chasing your kids and hosting more than one parent at a time. "It takes the pressure off, and there are fewer awkward silences when there are more parents around," she said. It also makes it easier to leave if the interaction is going south.

Dale breaks down the stages of parent friendships into "bases." No, you don't have to kiss anyone. For Dale, first base is the awkward small talk at the park. Second base is the initial playdate at a neutral location. Third base is a playdate at home. And a home run is when you hit it off and start meeting without children around. "Some friends come into our lives just for a season, sometimes literally a baseball season or a soccer season, and then you change teams, your kid quits the sport, and you never see each other again and that's O.K. But once in a while, you find a lifelong friend," Dale said.

Raquel Reyes lives in Miami and said that every parent she meets seems to cycle in and out of the city, which makes keeping and maintaining friendships hard. She met a group of good parent friends by volunteering at her local Unitarian Universalist church. They keep in touch by scheduling monthly lunches and checking in weekly on a WhatsApp group chat.

The initial desperation to create new parent friendships is just a phase like teething. Give yourself some kindness. Eventually you will find your people. And then, when kids start school, you'll find a whole new set of parent friends.

Parents are busy; it's hard for them to prioritize friendships. And making good friendships takes time. Researchers at the University of Kansas found that it takes about 50 hours of time together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, 90 hours to move from casual friend to friend and 200 hours to move from friend to good friend. Bertsche suggests penciling in a regular time to meet up, whether it's a monthly playdate or a happy hour. "Having that standing date keeps the guess work and effort out of maintaining the relationship," she advised.

Lyz is a writer for the Columbia Journalism Review and the author of two books, including "Belabored: Tales of Myth, Medicine, and Motherhood," forthcoming from Nation Books. She lives in Iowa with her two kids.

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Making Friends With Other Parents Is Like Dating

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To build up your tribe, go where other parents are and pursue connections without heavy expectations. This guide was originally published on July 17, 2019 in NYT Parenting. The birth of my second child threw my world into chaos. I went from being a working parent of one manageable child to a stay-at-home mom with a toddler and an infant.

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ZERO TO THREE's podcast series, Little Kids, Big Questions, addresses some of the most common (and challenging) issues facing parents of babies and toddlers. Dr. Ross Thompson talks about the emotional life of young children. Ross is a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis and is on the Board of Directors at ZERO TO THREE.

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How Emotional Development Unfolds Starting at Birth

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ZERO TO THREE's podcast series, Little Kids, Big Questions, addresses some of the most common (and challenging) issues facing parents of babies and toddlers. Dr. Ross Thompson talks about the emotional life of young children. Ross is a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis and is on the Board of Directors at ZERO TO THREE.

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Potty Training: Learning to Use the Toilet

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We know toilet training can be FRUSTRATING for everyone! Please seek trusted info about what is normal and helpful during this stage.

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There is not one "right" way or one "right" age to learn how to use the toilet. Here are some questions and thoughts to keep in mind as you help your child approach potty training.

When and how to help your child learn to use the potty depends on how ready your child is, as well as your own beliefs and values about toilet training. There is not one "right" way or one "right" age to learn. Here are some questions and thoughts to keep in mind as you help your child learn to use the toilet.

Signs That Children Are Ready for Potty Training

Most children develop control over their bowel and bladder by 18 months. This skill is necessary for children to physically be able to use the toilet. How ready a child is emotionally to begin learning to use the potty depends on the individual child. Some children are ready at 18 months, and others are ready at 3. While every child is different, about 22% of children are out of diapers by 2½, and 88% of children are out of diapers by 3½.

Your child is ready to learn to use the toilet when he or she:

Stays dry for at least 2 hours at a time, or after naps

Recognizes that she is urinating or having a bowel movement. For example, your child might go into another room or under the table when she has a bowel movement. This is important-if you child does not realize she is having a bowel movement, she won't be successful at potty training.

Is developing physical skills that are critical to potty training-the ability to walk, to pull pants up and down, and to get onto/off the potty (with some help).

Copies a parent's toileting behavior.

Can follow simple instructions.

Most important, your child wants to use the potty. He may tell you that he wants to wear "big boy" underpants or learn to go potty "like Daddy does." He may feel uncomfortable in a soiled diaper and ask to be changed or ask to use the toilet himself.

When Not to Start Potty Training

There are some issues that can sometimes get in the way of successful potty training. For example, when children are going through a significant change or several changes at once (see list below) it might be smart to hold off on adventures in potty training. At these times, children often feel overwhelmed and sometimes lose skills they have already learned or were making progress on, like potty training. Common situations that can cause stress and are generally not good times to start training include:

An upcoming or recent family move

Beginning new or changing existing child care arrangements

Switching from crib to bed

When you are expecting or have recently had a new baby.

A major illness, a recent death, or some other family crisis

If your child is in the middle of potty training during a stressful time and seems to be having more accidents than usual, know that this is normal. Your child needs all of your patience and support right now. She will return to her previous level of potty training once things have gotten back to normal.

Starting Potty Training

It can be helpful to think of potty training as a process in which both you and your child have your own "jobs" to do.

It is the parent's responsibility to create a supportive learning environment. This means that you:

Recognize that your child is in control of his or her body

Let your child decide whether to use the potty or a diaper/pull-up each day

Teach your child words for body parts, urine, and bowel movements

Offer your child the tools she needs to be successful at toileting (such as a small potty, potty seat, stool, etc.)

Expect and handle potty accidents without anger

Avoid punishment as well as too much praise around toilet use. (This can make children feel bad when they aren't successful.)

It is your child's responsibility to:

Decide whether to use the toilet or a diaper/pull-up

Learn his body's signals for when he needs to use the toilet

Use the toilet at his own speed

Finding a toilet training method that works for your family is the key. No matter how you do it, remember this is a learning process that takes time, with many accidents along the way. Being patient is the best way you can support your child as she learns.

Keep in mind that children with special needs may take longer to learn to use the potty. They may also need special equipment, and a lot of help and support from you. If you need assistance with your child's toilet training, talk with your child's health care provider or community service coordinator.

What to Avoid When Potty Training My Toddler

Toddlers are all about trying to gain some control over their world. They are using their growing physical, thinking, and language skills to gain some power over themselves, their bodies, and their surroundings. This natural and healthy desire for control can lead to power struggles, as children quickly figure out that one way to feel in charge is by refusing to do something they know their parent wants them to do. And, for better or worse, learning to use the potty is way up there on most parents' list of what they really, really, really want their children to do-and children quickly pick up on that. (Just picture mom and dad clapping and jumping up and down when they see their child's first bowel movement in the potty.) Toilet training is particularly ripe for power struggles because it is so tied up with toddlers wanting to have control over their own bodies.

So it's important to approach toilet training matter-of-factly and without a lot of emotion. Think of it as just another skill you are helping your child learn. If you show anger or disappointment when it's not going well, or overwhelming joy when it is, it lets your child know this is something you want him to do badly. Refusing to do it becomes a very powerful way for your child to feel in control. The more emotional you are, the more it shows your child how much it matters to you that he use the potty.

It is also very important not to force your child to use the potty because it can cause intense power struggles. These power struggles sometimes lead to children trying to regain control over their bodies by withholding urine or bowel movements. This can create physical problems, like constipation. So if you are starting to see power struggles developing over potty training, it might help to take the pressure off. Stop talking about potty training or doing anything about it for a little while, until your child shows signs of readiness and interest again.

To Use Rewards for Potty Training or Not

Many parents wonder about offering rewards for using the potty-a sticker, an extra sweet, or a little toy every time their child is successful on the toilet. Although these kinds of rewards may encourage progress in the short run, the concern is that for some children, the pressure of "success" in the form of the reward creates anxiety or feelings of failure when they have a (very normal and even expected) potty accident. The other risk is that the use of rewards for toileting can lead children to expect rewards for doing almost anything-finishing a meal, brushing teeth, etc. When parents are matter-of-fact about potty training and don't make a big deal about it, children are more likely to follow their own internal desire to reach this important milestone.

When Preschoolers Are Still Not Interested in Potty Training

Reach out to your child's health care provider with your questions or concerns about potty training. Occasionally, children have physical issues that make potty training more difficult, so a check-up is always a good idea. You may also want to sit down with a child development specialist who can help you figure out what the challenges around potty training might be for your individual child and can help you identify toilet learning strategies that might be more successful.

References

Signs That Children Are Ready for Potty Training:

Children's Hospital Boston, Woolf, A., Kenna, M., & Shane, H., Eds. Children's Hospital Guide to Your Child's Health and Development. Cambridge, MA: Perseus Books, 2001.

Community Paediatrics Committee, Canadian Paediatric Society, (2000). Toilet learning: Anticipatory guidance with a child-oriented approach. Pediatrics & Child Health, 5(6), 333-335. Available online.

Resources Used to Develop Signs of Readiness List:

When Not to Start Potty Training:

List adapted from: http://www.aap.org/publiced/BR_ToiletTrain.htm

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Potty Training: Learning to the Use the Toilet - ZERO TO THREE

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There is not one "right" way or one "right" age to learn how to use the toilet. Here are some questions and thoughts to keep in mind as you help your child approach potty training. When and how to help your child learn to use the potty depends on how ready your child is, as well as your own beliefs and values about toilet training.

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To the people of Michigan: Headspace is here for you

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Staying inside isn't always easy, but Governor Whitmer & Headspace are here for you during these challenging times. Now more than ever, it's important to take care of yourselves.

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Brene Brown interviewing Oprah and Dr. Perry

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Brene Brown interviewing Oprah and Dr. Perry

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https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-oprah-winfrey-and-dr-bruce-d-perry-on-trauma-resilience-and-healing/

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This week I'm talking to Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry about their new book, What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. We define trauma and talk about why big and small traumas activate our stress response systems and create emotional, physical, and social consequences, and how we can find the path to healing.

Listen

For the latest from Unlocking Us

Guest Info

Oprah Winfrey

Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D.

Dr. Perry is the Principal of the Neurosequential Network, Senior Fellow of The Child Trauma Academy and a Professor (Adjunct) in the Departments of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University in Chicago and the School of Allied Health, College of Science, Health and Engineering, La Trobe University, Melbourne, Victoria Australia. Over the last thirty years, Dr. Perry has been an active teacher, clinician and researcher in children's mental health and the neurosciences holding a variety of academic positions. His work on the impact of abuse, neglect and trauma on the developing brain has impacted clinical practice, programs and policy across the world. Dr. Perry is the author, with Maia Szalavitz, of The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog, a bestselling book based on his work with maltreated children and Born For Love: Why Empathy is Essential and Endangered.

Show Notes

What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D. and Oprah Winfrey

Through deeply personal conversations, Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking "What's wrong with you?" to "What happened to you?" Here, Winfrey shares stories from her own past, understanding through experience the vulnerability that comes from facing trauma and adversity at a young age. In conversation throughout the book, she and Dr. Perry focus on understanding people, behavior, and ourselves. It's a subtle but profound shift in our approach to trauma, and it's one that allows us to understand our pasts in order to clear a path to our future―opening the door to resilience and healing in a proven, powerful way.

VIEW TRANSCRIPT

Podcasts
Brené Brown Education and Research Group, LLC, owns the copyright in and to all content in and transcripts of the Unlocking Us and Dare to Lead podcasts, with all rights reserved, including right of publicity. WHAT'S OK: You are welcome to share an excerpt from the episode transcript (up to 500 words but not more) in media articles (e.g., The New York Times, LA Times, The Guardian), in a non-commercial article or blog post (e.g., Medium), and/or on a personal social media account for non-commercial purposes, provided that you include proper attribution and link back to the podcast URL. For the sake of clarity, media outlets with advertising models are permitted to use excerpts from the transcript per the above. WHAT'S NOT OK: No one is authorized to copy any portion of the podcast content or use Brené Brown's name, image or likeness for any commercial purpose or use, including without limitation inclusion in any books, e-books, book summaries or synopses, or on a commercial website or social media site (e.g., Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.) that offers or promotes your or another's products or services. For the sake of clarity, media outlets are permitted to use photos of Brené Brown from her Media Kit page or license photos from Getty Images, etc.
CLICK TO CONTINUE

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Brené with Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce D. Perry on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing | Brené Brown

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This week I'm talking to Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry about their new book, What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. We define trauma and talk about why big and small traumas activate our stress response systems and create emotional, physical, and social consequences, and how we can find the path to healing.

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Sesame Street: Singing About Friendship with Erykah Badu

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Most young children in Michigan, ages birth-12, are in licensed programs and it is important for these experiences to be the very best. Quality licensed programs help children learn, grow and develop.

By creating a safe, nurturing place for children to learn, explore and build relationships, quality programs set the foundation for children to be successful in school, work and life.

Great Start to Quality offers those individuals who work with early childhood programs and providers in Michigan opportunities to be directly involved.

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Great Start to Quality - Find High Quality Child Care in Michigan

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Great Start to Quality helps families find the best early learning settings for their children and helps educators improve the care they provide to children.

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211 connects you to expert, caring help. Every call is completely confidential.

What are you looking for today?

This phone call has given me more hope than I ever thought possible. I have been beaten down for so long and told that I could never be anything. Just talking with you meant even more than all the resources you gave me.

United Way of Central Maryland 211 Client

Referrals to help and resources were made by the 211 network in 2022.

If it were not for your help, I don't know what I would have done without food. It's been too dangerous to go out and I can't afford to be at risk.

211 Miami Client

Average increase in 211 call volume throughout 2020 due to COVID-19 pandemic.

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Cleveland 211 Client

People call 211 for assistance with housing, homelessness, and utility bills every year.

Partner with Us

Whether you provide local services, operate a national non-profit, or represent a company that wants to help more people, 211 can help. Across the country, 211s are vital partners to hundreds of organizations, businesses, and government agencies.

Learn more about our work with partners like the Ad Council, IBM, Lyft, SingleCare, and join us today.

Not sure where to start? We can help. Call 211

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Get help paying bills, finding food, and locating other resources near you. Call 211 now for confidential help from a caring expert.

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Still Face Experiment shows how important interaction really is. 

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Still Face Experiment shows how important interaction really is. 

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Being a Resilient Parent is NOT necessarily about BALANCE!

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Being a Resilient Parent is NOT necessarily about BALANCE!

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: 4 part web series on parenting

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Daddy Matters | 4 part web series - YouTube

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Explores why dads matter and what matters to dads, in collaboration with Zero To Three. http://zerotothree.org/daddymatters

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1-PAGER PROTECTIVE FACTORS SPANISH.Version 2

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1-PAGER PROTECTIVE FACTORS SPANISH.Version 2

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5 PAGES PROTECTIVE FACTORS SPANISH. Version 2

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5 PAGES PROTECTIVE FACTORS SPANISH. Version 2

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Screening at Seattle International Film Festival May 21 & 22 Get Tickets: http://bit.ly/siffresilienceYT Documentarian James Redford travels to San Francisco, New Haven, and Washington state as he continues to explore the cutting-edge research behind Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), the focus of his SIFF 2015 film Paper Tigers.

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How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime | Nadine Burke Harris

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DOWNLOADABLE PROTECTIVE FACTORS MATERIALS FROM KALAMAZOO COUNTY GREAT START COLLABORATIVE

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DOWNLOADABLE PROTECTIVE FACTORS MATERIALS FROM KALAMAZOO COUNTY GREAT START COLLABORATIVE

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Fred Rogers on Talking With Children

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The TV legend possessed an extraordinary understanding of how kids make sense of language.

For the millions of adults who grew up watching him on public television, Fred Rogers represents the most important human values: respect, compassion, kindness, integrity, humility. On Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, the show that he created 50 years ago and starred in, he was the epitome of simple, natural ease.

But as I write in my forthcoming book, The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers, Rogers's placidity belied the intense care he took in shaping each episode of his program. He insisted that every word, whether spoken by a person or a puppet, be scrutinized closely, because he knew that children-the preschool-age boys and girls who made up the core of his audience-tend to hear things literally.

As Arthur Greenwald, a former producer of the show, put it to me, "There were no accidents on Mister Rogers' Neighborhood." He took great pains not to mislead or confuse children, and his team of writers joked that his on-air manner of speaking amounted to a distinct language they called "Freddish."

Fundamentally, Freddish anticipated the ways its listeners might misinterpret what was being said. For instance, Greenwald mentioned a scene in a hospital in which a nurse inflating a blood-pressure cuff originally said, "I'm going to blow this up." Greenwald recalls: "Fred made us redub the line, saying, 'I'm going to puff this up with some air,' because 'blow it up' might sound like there's an explosion, and he didn't want the kids to cover their ears and miss what would happen next."

The show's final cuts reflected many similarly exacting interventions. Once, Rogers provided new lyrics for the "Tomorrow" song that ended each show, to ensure that children watching on Friday wouldn't expect a show on Saturday, when the show didn't air. And Rogers's secretary, Elaine Lynch, remembered how, when one script referred to putting a pet "to sleep," he excised it for fear that children would be worried about the idea of falling asleep themselves.

Rogers was extraordinarily good at imagining where children's minds might go. For instance, in a scene in which an eye doctor uses an ophthalmoscope to peer into his eyes, he made a point of having the doctor clarify that he wasn't able to see Rogers's thoughts. Rogers also wrote a song called "You Can Never Go Down the Drain," because he knew that drains were something that, to kids, seemed to exist solely to suck things down.

In 1977, about a decade into the show's run, Arthur Greenwald and another writer named Barry Head cracked open a bottle of scotch while on a break, and coined the term Freddish. They later created an illustrated manual called "Let's Talk About Freddish," a loving parody of the demanding process of getting all the words just right for Rogers. "What Fred understood and was very direct and articulate about was that the inner life of children was deadly serious to them," Greenwald said.

Per the pamphlet, there were nine steps for translating into Freddish:

1. "State the idea you wish to express as clearly as possible, and in terms preschoolers can understand." Example: It is dangerous to play in the street. ​​​​​​

2. "Rephrase in a positive manner," as in It is good to play where it is safe.

3. "Rephrase the idea, bearing in mind that preschoolers cannot yet make subtle distinctions and need to be redirected to authorities they trust." As in, "Ask your parents where it is safe to play."

4. "Rephrase your idea to eliminate all elements that could be considered prescriptive, directive, or instructive." In the example, that'd mean getting rid of "ask": Your parents will tell you where it is safe to play.

5. "Rephrase any element that suggests certainty." That'd be "will": Your parents can tell you where it is safe to play.

6. "Rephrase your idea to eliminate any element that may not apply to all children." Not all children know their parents, so: Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play.

7. "Add a simple motivational idea that gives preschoolers a reason to follow your advice." Perhaps: Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play. It is good to listen to them.

8. "Rephrase your new statement, repeating the first step." "Good" represents a value judgment, so: Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play. It is important to try to listen to them.

9. "Rephrase your idea a ﬁnal time, relating it to some phase of development a preschooler can understand." Maybe: Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play. It is important to try to listen to them, and listening is an important part of growing.

Rogers brought this level of care and attention not just to granular details and phrasings, but the bigger messages his show would send. Hedda Sharapan, one of the staff members at Fred Rogers's production company, Family Communications, Inc., recalls Rogers once halted taping of a show when a cast member told the puppet Henrietta Pussycat not to cry; he interrupted shooting to make it clear that his show would never suggest to children that they not cry.

In working on the show, Rogers interacted extensively with academic researchers. Daniel R. Anderson, a psychologist formerly at the University of Massachusetts who worked as an adviser for the show, remembered a speaking trip to Germany during which some members of an academic audience raised questions about Rogers's direct approach on television. They were concerned that it could lead to false expectations from children of personal support from a televised figure. Anderson was impressed with the depth of Rogers's reaction, and with the fact that he went back to production carefully screening scripts for any hint of language that could confuse children in that way.

In fact, Freddish and Rogers's philosophy of child development is actually derived from some of the leading 20th-century scholars of the subject. In the 1950s, Rogers, already well known for a previous children's TV program, was pursuing a graduate degree at Pittsburgh Theological Seminary when a teacher there recommended he also study under the child-development expert Margaret McFarland at the University of Pittsburgh. There he was exposed to the theories of legendary faculty, including McFarland, Benjamin Spock, Erik Erikson, and T. Berry Brazelton. Rogers learned the highest standards in this emerging academic field, and he applied them to his program for almost half a century.

This is one of the reasons Rogers was so particular about the writing on his show. "I spent hours talking with Fred and taking notes," Greenwald said, "then hours talking with Margaret McFarland before I went off and wrote the scripts. Then Fred made them better." As simple as Mister Rogers' Neighborhood looked and sounded, every detail in it was the product of a tremendously careful, academically informed process.
This article is adapted from Maxwell King's forthcoming book, The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers

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Social emotional competence: an important protective factor - Part 6

Caregivers who assist children in understanding and communicating their emotions can nurture an important protective factor.

Posted on May 29, 2014 by Gail Innis, Michigan State University Extension

Parenting young children is not an easy task. It can be an experience full of opportunity and excitement, interrupted by days of uncertainty and difficult choices. The Center for the Study of Social Policy has identified protective factors that can assist families in achieving healthy outcomes as they grow and develop resilience. These protective factors include social connections, nurturing and attachment, knowledge of parenting and child development, parental resilience and concrete supports.

The sixth protective factor, social and emotional competence, is the one protective factor that concentrates on the characteristics of the child. Social and emotional competence is a child's ability to interact in a positive way with others, communicate feelings positively and regulate behavior. Skills needed for healthy social and emotional development can include: self- esteem, self-confidence, friend-making skills, self-control, persistence, problem solving, self-sufficiency, focus, patience, good communication skills, empathy, and knowing right from wrong. All of these skills play a critical role in a child's overall wellbeing.

There will be times when children have difficulty expressing their feelings because they don't understand them. This can be very frustrating to a child and even more frustrating for a parent or caregiver who wants to help the child deal with his feelings. However, developing these social and emotional skills depend largely on the quality of relationships that a child has with their primary caregivers. When children have nurturing relationships with caring adults who provide consistent care, they build skills that promote social and emotional competence. These relationships should include the provision of a safe environment where children feel secure in expressing their emotions, clear expectations, encouragement and the modeling of healthy social-emotional behaviors.

Michigan State University Extension recognizes everyday interactions, such as the following, can assist in building the protective factor of social and emotional competence:

Role modeling. Children will mimic behavior of adults in their lives. Show children appropriate ways to express emotions by using words and actions that are constructive and respectful. Surround your children with positive role models.

Safe environments. Children need to know it is OK to be mad, sad or disappointed. Provide an environment where children are able to express their feelings though language and play. Be responsive to all feelings and let your child know you understand.

Guidelines. Children need to have clear and reasonable expectations for their behavior. When the rules change, children can get confused and may act out. Clearly communicate rules and consequences to children.

Calm and steady actions and reactions. Pay attention to good behavior and react calmly to difficult situations. Children are counting on you for stability and structure. Plan ahead. Think through your daily schedule and anticipate changes that might affect a child; extra clothes, snacks or toys for any situation.

Self-care. Adults who care for themselves and handle stressors in healthy, appropriate ways have the energy they need to care for the children in their lives. RELAX by learning ways to handle your own stress and anger.

Know where to go! Explore the many resources to assist with caregiving needs. Utilize the expertise of teachers, childcare providers, counselors, medical care providers, clergy and local human service agencies to guide you when you need additional assistance. Explore resources from The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations of Early Learning to assist with teaching social emotional health skills.

MSU Extension also recommends exploring programs in your community that can assist with strengthening the overall protective factors for your family. Caring for children takes time and patience. As children grow and develop, changes will inevitably occur, and parents and caregivers can't possibly have all the answers. As children grow, so will their communication and skills for coping. Strong families look for, ask for and follow through with finding resources and people who can help to support social and emotional competencies and make them even stronger!

This article was published by Michigan State University Extension. For more information, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu. To have a digest of information delivered straight to your email inbox, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu/newsletters. To contact an expert in your area, visit http://expert.msue.msu.edu, or call 888-MSUE4MI (888-678-3464).

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