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- I'm a white person in America, which is something that I don't have a strong relationship with
- My relationship with my whiteness is mostly based on recognizing the privilege that comes with this role and society, and remembering to listen to rather than talk over other people

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- My relationship with my political views is not one that defines my identity, however, it does make an impact on how I interact with others
- I consider myself a communist, and I don't know if that makes me a minority, but it certainly makes family Thanksgiving dinners interesting

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- My parents separated in my junior year of high school, and my academic performance suffered pretty badly in school
- I have a good relationship with both of my parents, but I only live with my mom and we rely on her income, which makes things difficult financially and gave me a lot of trouble during my college apps

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December 20, 2019 | 0 comments

There are more than 2,000,000 marriages a year in the U.S. That's a beautiful thing - 4,000,000 people a year dedicating the rest of their lives to one another. The majority of those will last forever. Unfortunately, about 875,000 (43.5%) will end in divorce someday. While divorce may be the best decision for these failed marriages in the long run, the short-term effects can be devastating to everyone involved. Much of the time, it's the children that feel the greatest trauma.

Of course, all children react differently to divorce, but psychologists have noted that children also react differently according to age. Young children often experience grief when they find out that their parents are separating and become sad and clingy. Adolescents, on the other hand, often view divorce as betrayal and pull away from their parents.

The Effects of Divorce on Teen Behavior

As the adolescent attempts to distance himself from his parents, he may act out in other ways:

Adolescents often become extremely anger at one or both parents. The result can be abusive behavior such a shouting and name-calling, or it may take the form of withdrawal from family contact.

Often the teen will take the side of one parent and "punish" the other with abusive behavior or by ignoring them outright.

Teens may demand to be allowed to spend more time with their friends to stay away from the house, and may grow angry and abusive if prevented from doing so.

Adolescents may become less involved with school, responsibilities, and other activities. Grades will often drop and you may notice a marked increase in truancy.

The teen may increase dangerous or self-abusive behavior such as binge drinking, using drugs, and sexual promiscuity.

Conversely, teens may try to improve their behavior, improve grades, and focus more on schoolwork in an effort to save their parents' marriage or make up for what they consider to be their fault.

Unfortunately, studies have shown that adolescents who experience parents' divorce can be affected well into adulthood. Children of divorced parents can experience self-protective fear and a reluctance to enter into a committed relationship. Many report having trust issues. These problems can lead to other behavioral problems, which can undermine their own relationships:

A tendency to be overly cautious in relationships

A tendency to keep relationships superficial to avoid commitment

Manipulative behavior to keep the other partner committed to the relationship

Willingness to give up on the relationship as soon as problems arise

How to Ease the Pain

So, the differences are irreconcilable and divorce is unavoidable. It's going to be painful - there's just no avoiding that. However, there are things that you can do to alleviate some of the pain for your children.

Try to keep it as amicable as possible. For the sake of the kids, keep the fighting and arguing to a minimum.

Keep your obligations. If you agreed to meet somewhere or pick up the kids or help in any way, do it.

Don't talk trash. It's immature, hurtful, and entirely unnecessary to say nasty things about your ex to your child.

Talk to your kids about the future. Let them know that the divorce won't put their plans on hold or hold them back.

Take care of yourself - maintain your appearance and try not to break down. Your adolescent child needs you to be strong right now - they're going through a lot, too.

Continue to be a parent. It's tempting to shower your kid with gifts and avoid situations where you have to discipline them. They don't need a pal right now - they need guidance.

Divorce is tough on everyone involved, but it affects teens differently than it affects young children or adults. If your child seems to have become depressed or is acting out in ways that seem dangerous, talk to them as soon as you can. If that doesn't help, talk to their teachers and counselors, and have them sit down with a therapist. Your child's reaction to the divorce may have lasting effects, so the sooner you can get them back on the right track, the better off they'll be.

Additional References

About Outback Therapeutic Expeditions

Outback Therapeutic Expeditions is the nation's premier wilderness therapy program for teens and their families. Our therapeutic program provides the highest level of clinical care by embedding master's level therapists in the field with each and every group. This highly sophisticated therapeutic method allows us to infuse evidence-based psychological practices and provide a state of the art, clinically informed model unlike any other wilderness therapy program.

Our innovative design allows for:

each department within Outback to be led by master's level clinicians

every student works with more than 1 therapist with daily access to therapists

all families work with a dedicated family therapist

and purpose-driven adventure therapy is integrated into programming to focus on transition readiness.

At Outback, we believe teens and families deserve the best and most thorough clinical treatment and support available. Our innovative and effective therapeutic experience for teens in crisis allows us to carry out our goal of providing families with the highest possible levels of information, instruction, and insight throughout treatment.

Since our founding in 2001, our dedication to bringing families BACK together has helped thousands of young people gain a stronger sense of self, reconnect and re-engage with family, and get their lives back on track through a deepened sense of purpose. Please contact us today to learn how we can help your family.

About the Author

McKay Deveraux, MSW, LCSW, is the executive director of Outback Therapeutic Expeditions

McKay has over 17 years experience working with troubled teens in wilderness therapy. Before becoming the executive director at Outback Therapeutic Expeditions, McKay received his Masters of Social Work from Brigham Young University, worked as a field staff, field director, program director, and as a primary therapist at Outback.He is honored to have served as Battalion Operations Sergeant in the U.S. Army Reserves and is a combat veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom.

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Effects of Divorce on Teenagers | Outback Therapeutic Expeditions

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December 20, 2019 | 0 comments There are more than 2,000,000 marriages a year in the U.S. That's a beautiful thing - 4,000,000 people a year dedicating the rest of their lives to one another. The majority of those will last forever. Unfortunately, about 875,000 (43.5%) will end in divorce someday.

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- My family is on the lower end of the economic spectrum, which has affected some parts of my life
- I was not able to attend college for two years after my graduation due to financial difficulty, and I think that being part of the working class has greatly affected my political views and made me more empathetic

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- Living in Ohio is something that I'd wager most of us are dealing with
- Being from Ohio isn't something that greatly affected my identity, but I do get a strange sense of pride about it when I talk to people who have superiority complexes about being from New York or California

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1. Introduce yourself to someone new and proudly claim you're from the city when in reality you are just from one of its many indistinguishable suburbs.

2. Develop some sort of complex relationship with Detroit.

Cleveland and Cincinnati thank the powers that be that no matter how hard they've fallen, Detroit is on another realm. Columbus tries to convince people it's not just a suburb of Detroit, and Toledo blames its woes due to regional proximity.

3. Prepare your accent.

Are you in the nasally north? Pronounce your a's like the Aflac duck. As you move south, especially into Appalachia of the southeast, start morphing into something of a southern accent.

4. Base your regional pride on things that don't actually impact everyday life, like the orchestra or football team.

5. Wear a T-shirt that shows how much you love your city, so you can spot others doing the same and give approving nods.

6. Brush up on your craft beer knowledge.

Great Lakes Brewing, Columbus Brewing, Maumee Bay Brewing, Christian Moerlein - the state has craft breweries sprinkled throughout. Ordering piss-in-a-can from one of the national juggernauts is frowned upon.

7. Know your local foods.

In Cleveland? Your only condiment is Stadium Mustard. Down in Cincinnati you're telling everyone that Skyline Chili is not, despite popular belief, a constipation reliever. And in Columbus, the only dessert is Jeni's Ice Cream.

8. If the sun is out, worship it as a devout Christian monk would Christ.

Given Ohio weather, you might not see it again for a couple of millenia and counting.

9. Grab your phone often to confirm the latest sports scores.

Even if you don't care about sports, you find yourself taking a glimpse in order to gauge what the city's mood will be for that day.

10. If the day is going well, ruin it with a strong political disagreement, preferably between city and suburban-living relatives.

Topics can include the disparity in suburban-friendly highways versus public transportation or more broadly how President Obama has ruined or saved everything.

11. Speaking of that last note, have a general fear of public transportation.

Look at RTA, COTA or Metro with unjustifiable suspicion. Wonder what sketchy things could possibly, maybe happen should you ride it even though you've never ridden it with frequency and probably don't know anyone who does. Ponder all these issues of transportation safety as you hurl your 4,000-pound vehicle 10 miles over the speed limit around Dead Man's Curve.

12. Be prepared to spout off your rolodex of Ohio facts to prove the state's worth to out-of-towners.

We have the most astronauts, we produced a number presidents (never mind three died while in office), and we invented flying via the Wright Brothers.

13. Have a basic background in baseball, basketball and football - preferably from playing in high school.

If you lack personal experience, come out with a believable excuse, such as "I went to a big school where you really had to focus on one or two sports."

14. After those glory days of high school sports, continue the party at a Division 1 university near you.

For instance, Bowling Green and Kent State are really just western and southern districts of the greater Cleveland school system.

15. Have some kind of a relationship with the outdoors.

This could mean spending your free time cycling and hiking through Cuyahoga Valley National Park or Wayne National Forest, or merely driving to Brandywine Falls for an overlook view and counting that as time spent outdoors.

16. Harbor hatred of Michigan (the state up North) and Pittsburgh based solely on sports.

For those who don't enjoy sports, mock your neighbors via social media posts boldly letting others know just how little you care and how stupid you think it is.

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Cleveland and Cincinnati thank the powers that be that no matter how hard they've fallen, Detroit is on another realm. Columbus tries to convince people it's not just a suburb of Detroit, and Toledo blames its woes due to regional proximity. Are you in the nasally north?