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Hi adam! A wish I have is yours story. It is very unique and intresting, and I couldnt make a story like that if I tried. Another pro is the realism in the begining of the story. It feels something that would happen normaly. Something that you could improve on is the grammar. A lot of the speaker tags are not there, and some of the pargraphs are too long. Good job adam!

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Hi Adam! I really liked your story, I liked how you mentioned your dog a lot of the time and showed effort of detail, I also really liked how you went to Paris. Something’s were a bit confusing but I really liked how it all turned and turned through different moments. As I read I was really interested in what would happen to the character next. More Moments I really liked was, how he said he went around the whole solar system. It was crazy that he ran around almost every spot on earth in the matter of moments. How could he even think about it in that matter of time? Although, something’s you said were a bit confusing like the beginning of the story really confused me. More moments I thought could have had a bit more detail.

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The part that kept me interested was when you added Lazarbeam which is a famous YouTuber. I also enjoyed it when you included your family in it too. The only thing that threw me off is the Caps Lock. It makes me think you are shouting.

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hello friend I really like your warent and your titall i think this is a amazing work. Good job 👍

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Jon
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A strength of your essay is the amazing quotes that I read. They really show the importance of having PE in school curriculums. Especially because as a person who does not enjoy PE as a school subject, I can see how it benefits students and helps them with their lives! Another strength of your essay is the anecdote in the introduction! It really makes me picture the boy that got tired after just one lap. The word choice really stood out and made me feel like I was the person running the track! I like how you used words such as “dreadfully” and “agony” to show how painful the student was. A suggestion I have for you is showing, not telling. In the first paragraph, the anecdote states “he is sad”. I would probably change that to “rivers of tears lash down his face as he moans in anger and depression”. But you really showed why gym class is a must and should remain.

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Great Memoir Adam Hope you can do more, I could not type much right now But you did a great job from calming down from your brother! Shalom! -Cooper

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The amazing part of this memoir was about all the action you used. It makes everyone love your memoir! And I like the thoughts you used that made even more people like it more! Just tell everyone if your brother was okay. Wishing you a awesome year!

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I love it, the way you described it, the way you built up to it, amazing,and honestly I don’t have a wish-your friend sammyboi

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I have a lot of questions 1- is your brother ok.       2- how deep was the cut             Stars- i relay like of you put so mutch figurative language

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Hey Adam, It’s me Cooper from Social studies. I wanted to write this because I really enjoyed your writing about me. You described a lot about yourself and I enjoyed a lot of your  writing and especially saying how your family is a part of you and you love them and your dislikes like traffic or YouTube uploads. I just want to see more of your writing and write more, but keep your awesome writing up!

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One strength that I found in your “About Me” piece was that you really led the reader through your piece. That really helped me understand who you are! Another thing that stood out was your word choice. You used words like “phenomenal”, “amazing”, and “wonderful” to describe something that you really like, instead of endless exclamation points. With all that being said, a part that you should improve on is your dislikes. One suggestion is that when you said “when YouTube loads”, try to spice that up with words that show disapproval like “the tragic seconds of my precious time when YouTube does not decide to cooperate”. But overall this piece was an amazing work of art. It really helped me to understand you better!

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Adam, it is your good friend, Matthew. First of all, I really like it when you did the family part and your dog Ranger. It makes me love Ranger a lot. And Second, I like the part when you said the Super Mario Maker 2 part. It is obviously incredible. What I think you should improve is the part where it says, “You can find me on the couch playing video games.” Just add Mario because I know you like him. Anyways that is it.

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I Realy Like How you like to draw i also love to draw.

I also realy like The Homer Simpson picture.

I just fell like you should take out the. Ok, lets go. But its realy good

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I loved how you talked about your family always having your back and being there for you!!!!

I Love drawing too and you're right it’s an awesome thing to do when bored and it’s fun! I really loved how you put yours about me and I think it was perfect.