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Hi Jules! A strength of your narrative, “The Day I Die”, is the figurative language incorporated in your story! One of my favorite figurative sentences you added was, “She pulled her hands inside the sleeves of her raincoat as the pitter patter of rain plopping onto metal mailboxes filled her ear drums.” I can really picture the scene in my head! In addition, I really like the descriptive scenes you added throughout your whole story! One scene that I really liked was, “Drenched houses surrounded Sally and Mrs. Chipley as water ran down mailboxes. The dirty aroma of wet dog traveled into Sally’s nostrils as a foul expression formed on her face.” Like the figurative language, I can visualize a better picture in my mind! I couldn’t think of a wish, so another star is your ending. It was very descriptive, and definitely a plot twist I didn’t expect! Overall, you did an amazing job!!

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I really like your story. I think one of your strengths was when you meet your Aunt it was well descriptive and showed lots of detail. Especially when you were displaying the feeling of the girl when she met her Aunt and went to her house. I also enjoyed the plot twist when she figured her Aunt was a serial killer. You didn’t just say it in one sentence but you went on to elaborate which was good. I do not have a wish so another star is the inner thoughts in your story. You didn’t just write them because you had too but like you were really connecting it to the story.

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Hi, Jules! A strength of your narrative, “The day I die,” is the way in which you incorporated detail, and how you described the people, place, and setting. One of my favorite descriptive sentences you incorporated into your narrative was when you said, “Sally tried to keep up with Mrs. Chipley as raindrops flew in her face like baseballs being thrown at her.” This sentence really describes what the setting is, and how the rain was brutal to be in. This also showed how the rain felt against Sally when she was trying to keep up with Mrs. Chipley. In addition, I like how you added beautiful inner thoughts that Sally was feeling throughout your narrative story. For example, I absolutely loved when Sally thought, “Did I do something wrong? I must have done something! What’s wrong with you Sally? Be better!” I liked how your inner thoughts are a blend of questions and exclamations, not just one. However, a suggestion I can offer for improvement would be to change the part where Mrs. Chipley said, “I have to go, sweet pea.” It doesn’t really make sense for her to be that kind and sweet if at the end of the paragraph above you said how Mrs. Chipley snapped to reality. A snappy woman wouldn’t call someone sweet pea. Besides that minor confusion, you did an amazing job with your narrative story. Nice job!

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Hi Jules! A strength of your essay, “Scary School Start Times,” was how you detailed your introduction, making it seem like the reader was there in the moment picturing everything that the teenage girl was doing in the morning before school. I especially loved it when you said “ She immediately covers her pale blue eyes as the bright lights blind her.” This sentence in your introduction really makes the reader picture what the lights were like in the bathroom when the girl turned them on. Awesome job with your introduction! In addition, I liked the transition words you used to begin each part of the CREWS structure. For example, my favorite transition word you used in your piece is when you said “Given these points…” I thought that this type of beginning for your conclusion made a lot of sense for retelling the 3 reasons you have to back up your claim. Great work! Another strength of your essay is the zinger you chose. I love how you chose to end your essay with an inspirational quote about school late times. Awesome Job with your whole essay!

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Something I loved in your memoir was how you used amazing figurative language. For example, I loved how you used a simile and said: “as blood quickly ran down my face as fast as a rollercoaster.” That was a great simile you used. Awesome job with adding in figurative language! Another strong star you had was your lesson learned and how you felt at the end of the moment. The lesson you learned was so deep, and strong. You really explained to the reader what lesson you learned. Nice job! Although you have amazing wishes, there’s one thing I wish you added in and that’s describing what you, your brothers looked like during the moment. I wish you elaborate more about their appearance. Besides that, awesome job with your memoir!

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One Star in your memoir is your inner thoughts. I like how you said “Oh, they are bringing me to bed. Yay!” Your inner thoughts made me feel like I am in your head. Another star is your description. I like how you said “A light breeze traveled in through the big tinted window”. It makes me picture what the scene looks like. A wish is that you would go into a little more detail on your lesson learned. Other than that I loved it.

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One strength in your memoir, “Pick Me Up” was the great description . I felt like I was there watching a movie as I read. When you said “The chilled breeze entered my body and left soon after, as heavy breaths escaped my mouth. The loud boom of my heartbeat traveled into my ears like big drums were being played.” I knew that the story would have great discretion throughout the story. Another thing that I liked about your memoir was the figurative language. There was so much figurative language that you added in. I felt like there had to be about 30 sentences of figurative language. My favorite piece of figurative language in your memoir was when you said “I collapsed on the ground still squirming like a fish on land.” One wish that I have for you is to explain some more in the beginning. I was a little bit confused about what was happening. If you were to add more and tell me a little more of what was going on. In the end I understood what was happening. It was just a little confusing for my one brain cell.

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I think your writing peice was amazing, it had great detail and punctuation. The grammer was also great and energetic, and i can definitely relate on the food part 🍔🥗 overall you did a great job, however i think you could have added a little detail on your dislikes, but nobody is good at everything, so keep up the magnificent writing :D

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I absolutely love your quote. I love how FLY stands for (first love yourself.) it’s a beautiful choice for a quote! In addition to your quote, I also adore your word choice, and how you were really descriptive about some of your sentences/words. Like (fond, adore, extremely, addicted, and despite) Your words are so descriptive and really make the reader picture what is happening. All your writing is amazing. I can't pick, but my favorite description that you talked about is in the beginning when you said how you curled up on the couch with your puppy, and when you talked about your friends/family. I thought that it was so strong of writing and it really made me picture you sitting on the couch with your dog laying next to you. I also liked when you talked about the rides that you like, and how you love high scary roller coasters. You really elaborated about that which is awesome! Something I wish you added in your writing is what’s your favorite thing to do in gymnastics. Like floor, beam, vault, bars, etc. besides that your writing is absolutely amazing. Great job! 👏

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A strength of your About Me, "Jules' Stunning Stories" is the way you added a lot of detail on how you love food, and how you are very busy every week! However, I think you could have added a bit more detail on your dislikes, such as why you dislike that item. Overall, I think you did an amazing job!

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A strength of yours about Me, “Jules' Flower Garden of Fairytales”  is the  Quote.   “If you want to soar in life, you must learn to F.L.Y. (First Love Yourself.)” - Mark Sterling.  I really like the inspiration it gives. It shows your personality and I love that. In addition to that I really like all the details you give. I really like how you say “juicy cheeseburgers, cheesy pasta, and some good Caesar salad.” I also love when you say “Sparky is loving, caring, playful, and loves to cuddle!” You just give so much detail!

However I do think you could of done a little bit of a better job  of telling  the reader what you like. You listed what you wanted to say. You did not have a sentence for one thing you wanted to say. Other than that is was wonderful! ♥️