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Last summer , My my family and I decided to have a picnic with our neightbours in a forest near the river. When we arrived the place my father told me and my friend Tom to go to get some woods so he could make the fire for the barbacue. We started walking from the forest and suddenly we saw a boat in the river. As there was no one around we decided to wenGOinto up and took a walk HAVE A RIDE
We were in the middle of the river when we heard a noise when we wanted to realize it was a waterfall that was in front of us. We are WERE so scared and didn´t know what to do. Tom and I, had to options: jump off the boat or jump off the waterfall. The waterfall came near us  we didn´t have more time to think so we decided to jumo put od OUT OF  the boat without knowing what was going to happend.
The current was very strong and we couldn´t swim well. Affortunalitty  FORTUNATELY we saw a pace PIECE  of wood that helped us to wentGO  to the coast of the river. When left the water. We realiced REALIZED  thet Tom and I had some injuries. We started running with our  TO FIND OUR  family and WE TOOK  some woods in the path. When aou  OUR family asked where we are. WERE. I ansewerd first than Tom and said that we losted WERE LOST  in the forest. This adventure will be a great anecdote to tell our kids when we GET old.
Tiziana Maria Serra                                                                                MARK: 97
- Good content.
- Good use of Past , and Future, pronouns and connectors.
- good use of verbs as realized, decided.-

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One day, I was lying at home bored, with nothing to dCo and no ideas, so I went to sleep. A few hours later, my friend Tomy callsCALLED   me to go to the lake to boating and go fishing, i  I took my fishing  ROD  and i go WENT with him. I have HAD  never go into a boat before, at first I was scared of falling, my friend helps  HELPED me and I lost my fear.

We stayed talking and while we fishin. . A after fishing, Tomy helps  HELPED  me and taught me he taught me to ride a boat, i try ride a boat but I try  TRIED to ride a boat, but when I tried to try, the boat turned us.   OVER

We lost the fishing rods, the boat went through the water, and we get  GOT  all our clothes wet.A after that, we wait ED to dry and we borrowed bikes to go home,  II never wanted to go out by boat again.
MARK: 92
Good Job!

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One evening in a beautiful day two friends Mateo who is fourteen years old and Lucas who is thirteen went sailing with a boat in a river in the forest Roncua. they THEY took a fishing rode to catch many fish and food. the THE  river was peacefully.

Mateo and Lucas were resting calmCALMLY  eating the food when suddenly lucas saw that they were heading to some rocks,  the boat crashed to the rocks and AS  they made THERE WAS  a hole in the boat, they were sinking so they moved from one side to THE OTHER  side scaredLY.

The boat turned over so they went up the pice of wood of the boat  and they managed to reach a river bank but they were lost, scared and wet. Fortunally they had their cell phone so they used the GPS and after walking twenty minutes they reached their homes.
- Good content.
- very good descriptions.,
-Good use of vocabulary!
- Some too long sentences.
MARK: 93

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One day in a house two friends were having breakfast quietly when one of them had an idea, the day was beautiful so they had to take advantage of it, they decided to go fishing, they finished their breakfast and went to the dock, Matias was wearing a shirt with grapes , a hat and black shorts, while Esteban was wearing a white shirt, brown jeans, a cap and a backpack.
When they got to the dock they saw a boat, Matias looked at Esteban and smiled at him, Without thinking they got on and untied the rope that tied her,IT  letting the small waves carry them IT , they rescued themselves and  carried away by nature, the noise of The birds and the sea were all peaceful and quiet. All that ended when they felt a strong wind breeze, Matias woke up first and Esteban followed him .. they looked everywhere and did not know where they were, each time the wind was stronger and stronger they wanted to reach the shore but at one point a giant wave out of nowhere causing the boat to turn over and they fell into the water ... they swam to the surface and were able to get into the overturne boat.
After that with the help of the current they were able to COULD get to the dock again, they went up to the small bridge and took their things out of the boat, Matias began to laugh and said "How crazy, I would like to repeat it" Esteban Bufo" and grabbed his things to leave. which also He started laughing with Matias and said "Remember me never to get on a boat again"

Rena D'orrio
MARK: 97
Good Quantity of adjectives to describe .

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One year ago Fabricio
she met Lucas in the camping in the forest at 8 years. when he was 8 years old.
Fabricio it was tollTALLER  and stonger THAN  and Lucas short and stronger.

One summerTHE , two friends, Fabricio and Lucas, decided to  go to  a boat ride.
The boys wen't into Luca's boat in the Big River, they packeD a 2 mini pizas, water and umbrella., Wwhen at the 7 o'clock in the river te boys go  WERE speaking abau't life.
10 minits later fel???l in the river and the boat turned around. OVER
Fabricio and Lucas WENT swiming very fast at the  River shore and they laughed
MARK: 65
TIMO

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One day, two friends, Mark and Adam decided to went GO  sailing at the Mississippi River, they packed some sandwiches, water and a photo camera. When they arriveARRIVED  at the small dock, they rent RENTED  a small and old wood boat. They drop DROPPED  his THEIR bags with hisOTHER THINGS  things into the boat and they were carried by the water flow.

It was everything perfect, Mark decided to lay in the boat while Adam was taking photos to the landscape, until a wave made the oars fallFELL into the water, at first they did not realized, but when they want to wentWANTED TO GO  back to the dock, they realized that the oars weren’t in the boat, the boat was out of control and it was going straight to a rock, they couldn’t stop and they crashCRASHED  with the rock, the boat was destroy DESTROYED and they boys were very scared.

Mark saw a piece of wood floating, he extended his arm and took the piece of wood, they gotCLIMBED  up in the piece of wood and they let carried by the water flowcarried them., finally theyTHEY  finally reached a beach with a lot of people, and the lifeguard helped them.
- Good content.
-some verbs were not in past.
-Very nice first paragraph!
MARK: 90

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The last week,with my friend Liam we went to explore because we never visitWE HAVE NEVER VISITED   a forest,so we went to see the famous forest

When we were walking,we saw a boat in the water,we are  WERE tired,so we decided to stop five minutesTO REST IN THE BOAT.,and later we continue, CONTINUED.  but the boat started to move,we didn't notice of this,because we were sleeping,but the boat was moving a lot  SOwe woke up

In this moment we were very scared because we were lost and we didn't understand nothing, ANYTHING but we try TRIED  to started to row,but we didn't know how do  TO DO this. and we We tried to swim to THE  shore,and we started to swim and    weCOULD. doing,we had lucky in this moment,later FORTUNATELY we went to our house,and we'll never go back to that forest,never again in a million years!!
MARK: 90
- -good use of Past and Future, connectors.
- Good content.

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The last year my friend Andy and I decided to go sailling on the "sweetwater" river. We decided to meet at 16 o'clock, but my friend was waitting WAITING  for me for 15 minutes, jajaj I know that im  I'm always late. This day was so beatiful and sonny SUNNY . We didn't have wind or clouds.The name of the boat was "Albert  first".

Andy and I ate ours  OUR sándwiches in the boat. Later of this we relaxed, fell sleep ASLEEP  and read some comics of X-mens MEN or "the amazing Hulk". When I fell slept i  I was dreamming about a travel to Grecia, is so beautiful here. But suddenly my frien Andy saysSAID:"
-STEVE WAKE UP, THE BOAT COLLIED WITH A ROCK-
-omg what?
-WE SINK!!!!!

I forgot to tell that Andy is a "drama king", one day we saw a bee and he ran, i I  don't know, about 5 metters. So I back in the story. Andy didn't know swim, so I took his t-shirt and I jump  JUMPED to the most near NEAREST  rock, but our comics and the chips hot  GOT wet.
MARK: 95
- Excellent beginning, first paragraph.
- A pity the end came very soon!

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A few years ago, it was May 23rd and Santi with his cousin Martin went camping in the forest .THEY, they were big, they were 18 and 20 years old so they went alone,  . they THEY  prepared their canoe, tents, coats and food AND .at 9 in the morning they went to the river.                                   They  came and bathed, played all afternoon, had a lot of fun.At 6 o'clock in the afternoon they had a picnic and Martin wanted to see the sunset, so they decided to go canoeing while having mates and talking. They came talking and they both looked very tired so they thought that by  ABOUT closing their eyes they were going to enjoy the ride more.They fell asleep and did not see the sunset, the light was going out and Santi woke up and was scared because he did not know where they were. AS they WERE   despaired DESPERATED  and they fell into the water.           Then they swam with the cone to the coast and walked very frightened and cold until they found their tent.   After half an hour they found the tent and they talk TALKED  about the fear it gave them  HOW SCARED WERE THEY but then they laughed and swore not to tell their parents so as not to scare them.  In spite of that, they had a nice time, in the afternoon they were already going home
MARK: 92
- Good content.
- good use of Past , connectors
- Try not to write SO LONG sentences.

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once upon a time there were quiet children camping until it occurredWHO THOUGHT  to them to go sailing

They were sailing the calmest CALMLY until many waves and a lot of wind began to come the boat was turned over

they were able to hold on to part of a bit of the raft and they were able to reach the shore and were saved

- TOO SHORT, only 60 words!

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One day Agustin and her HIS  friend Tomas  went to the river, the day was windy they went to the boat .
Tomas decided to sleep in the boat,.past one hour one hour later,  the boat tuned up.OVER.
The boat fell in the waterfall so they got to the tree. A BRANCH THAT WAS FLOATING IN THE RIVER.
Tomas and Agustin  went  COULD GO BACK to the forest and they ate , later they saw a lion and they ran very fast and they  went to THEIR house.

They returned to the river to see how the boat was. FIRSTLY
they didn't see the boat but then Tomas saw the  boat. the boat IT   was broken Agustin got sad because he love  LOVED the boat.
they went to the house. While they were going to the house they saw a spider the spider was  poisonous and they run RAN  very fast to the house.
MARK: 75
-Good  content.
- sthing strange about the lion and the spider??

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One day the Manson brothers were going to relax by the river, after eating a delicious cake that their mother prepared. When they reached the river they saw a boat.
- "That boat was not there before," Carlos said.
-" Nothing happens, Marcos said let's get on."
Carlos was not very sure about getting on, but his brother convinced him to get on.

They were very relaxed, Carlos at first was very scared, but after 10 minutes he was quiet until at one point IN ONE MOMENT  the boat started to move  in a very strange way they thought it was a wave, but it was a crocodile.

When they realized IT WAS A CROCODILE  they were scared, the crocodile did not attack them, it was very rare, they took the opportunity to escape. and they told their parents and from that moment on it is forbidden to get into the river.
FINISH
Bautista Rios
MARK: 88
Good Job!
Good use of some verbs like realize, Past Continuous.

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Crazy day
One Friday morning, we were walking with my friend Nick when suddenly we heard a strange noise,. WE we looked out and the noise was no longer heard, but there was a boat, so as we were very tired we lay down, when suddenly we realized That we had fallen asleep and the current had carried us, - WE we looked for our cell phones but they were off, we started calling for help but no one was listening, until a big rock hit the boat and a rock hit Nick's head and began to bleed. LUCKILY  the current took us to land
We walked but we were totally lost,we were hungry and thirst THIRSTY it was dusk when we saw a group people,we ran with them .
Time after,to tell him EWE TOLD THEM  what happened to us,they offered to help us,and we told him THEM  where we lived and they THEY took us,we told him what happened to our parents and they scolded us.
Mavi Seguel
- A bit complicated to explain.
MARK 80

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Last week, two best friends
called  Jose  and  it's HIS  friend  called Federico, went to a dangerous lake.. Jose was funny and cheerful, but  his friend was  serious and boring.

They went to a  dangerous lake   to   talked TALK  and fished, they  got up INTO  to a  boat  in the water,and  they  were having  a good time.

They were relaxing when the boat turned OVER , because the boat was  broken  and  had  a lot OF  water.Tthey were in the  water  they WERE  worried and  couldn't  swim,SO  they  got on the boat  and  they asked for  help.

After  a few hours,  Federico saw  a AN   island, was  little and green. they THEY  went down  ofOFF  the boat and looked SAW SOME PEOPLE   peoples THERE., one man  them gave GAVE THEM   a new  boat  and  they went  to his  THEIR  home.
- Good use of Past and Past Continuous.
- Good sequence in the story.
- Nice description of the characters.
MARK: 80

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Last Friday, my friend Claudio and I went to the lake, we wanted to fishing FISH  all the day, while  we were walking, we saw a boat,  I thought “is a fisherman’s boat” I wanted  went to fish TO GO FISHING   with the boat, but Claudio didn't, and he wanted to go to  another place.

Later, we didn’t see any fisherman, FISHERMEN so   we took the boat and went to fish in the center of the lake, .  we  WE didn’t take nothing ANYTHING , the fishes didn’t want to ate  EAT and we were having a rest when we saw a hole in the boat, I was very surprised, I didn’t know what doing TO DO , Claudio was triing to cover the hole, but the boat turn off. TURNED OVER

The flow was the strongest I saw, HAVE EVER SEEN   we didn’t know what doing, TO DO  we were triing  TIRED to OF  swimming when a strange man took Claudio and me and help HELPED  we US  to getting ou of t the water, he say  SAID “you are THIEVES  this is my boat”, we were very embarrassed, the fisherman was very angry, but he know KNEW  we are WERE kids and took us to Claudio’s house and we pay PAID  the boat.
MARK: 92
-Good content.
- Good use of adjectives.

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One saturday afternoon, Sebas and Luke, two great friends, decided to go sailing with their boat through the Laguna Pepito. They were both very excited, since two months ago they could not go sailing with their boat because it was broken. They had brought provisions for the very hot afternoon.

After an hour in the boat, the water was more cloudy than normal, they were sacared SCARED , but for them it was not so worrying. They decided to lean out to see what was moving in the water, Luke saw something black that was swimming in the depths that was surrounding them.

Luke tells TOLD  Sebas what he was seeing and the two began to shout desesperate, DESESPERATED  at a certain point of turning the boat OVER., they began to swim towards the shore, very sacared FRIGHTENED  but brave they decided to go and  see again what was there.

Suddenly a mother seal appears APPEARED  with his HER  little boy. She was teaching him to fish in order to feed himself. Sebas and Luke were surprised and tender to see them. They thought of giving her the breadcrumbs from her  THEIR lunch and throwing them into the water. From that day on they became such  good friends that every weekend they go to see their friends the seals and bring them breadcrumbs.

Geraldine Tolosa 😊
Mark: 98
- Good content and sequence of the story.
- Excellent use of Past and some Past Continuous.
- Wonderful Vocabulary.

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The last summer a boy named Jonathan shared the idea of going sailing with his friend Nathan, he loved the idea so they decided to go. The next day they started packing importan things like food, water, clothes, etcetera. They went to the forest pier where there was a small boat and they came up .

They started sailing the river, they were very calm, talking about life and remembering old stories about their friendship and how they were enjoying that boat ride. They fell sleep for a while and woke up because it started raining.

They looked at the sars  STARS but they realized they had GOT lost  while they were sleeping, so they didn´t know how to get back to the shore, . there THERE  were a lot of waves and they didn´t know what to do so they jumped into the water and tried to swim carrying the boat to the shore. After much effort they managed to get to the shore.
MARK :100
-_ Excellent how different moments were described., usingadjectives.
- Good content.

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One day Felipe and Santi decided to go for a walk in the forest, they thought it would be fun, they ran away from their homes and went exploring together, with backpacks full of food and water, to walk as long as possible, after . AFTER they They will walWALKED  k for hours, seing plants and animals in the forest, Felipe climbed a tree to see far away and saw a small lake,  . they THEY approached quickly, when they arrived they saw a boat, it was abandoned, but it was not broken.

They entered the boat and STARTED ROWING  happily got out, they saw a small river and got into it, they sailed a long time along the river, they saw fish and plants, they liked to sail, SAILING .  Santiago saw that the THERE WAS WATER COMING INTO tTHE boat entered water, but they continued sailing without problems, the boat was sinking a lot, santi and felipe got scared, they tried to swim, but the current was strong.

They got on top of the sunken boat, they spent hours, they were very cold and hungry, a blow with a stone, diverted them from the road, they entered another river, bigger than the previous one and they saw that this river had an end, with a Fall, Santiago and Felipe, they were very scared and began to scream, Felipe saw a rock to hold on to, they grabbed and jumped out of the boat, they were able to leave the river before the fall, they run  RAN desperately for TO  their homes, they told their parents and everything I finished well, Santiago and Felipe did not escape from their homes again.
MARK: 98
Good content
- synonims, verbs.
finish

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One evening in a horrible day two friends Marcos and Thiago WERE waking in the forest , it was a rainy day  when the boys saw a small port whit  WITH  one mistery  MYSTERIOUS boat. the THE  boys did not pay attention two hours later the boys saw and saw the boat because it was verry strange.

Marcos and Thiago didn't mater and sat on the boat and there was very smailing ?? and quietly the time past  PASSED and past  PASSED Marcos and Thiago did didn't realized when Marcos realized and HE  woke up Thiago. when  THEN this  THESE boys traid TRIED  to row next to the surface  but the boys couldn't .

When the boat turned around  because it was rainy a lot and the boys traid TRIED Some problems  to row very ,  very fast whenLUCKILY  Marcos and Thiago  reached the surface and the boys  GOT calm because they were very scared. and
LATER got out to these forest , went to theyrs their  houses.And the other day Marcos and Thiago thougt about  these mistery THIS MYSTERIOUS  day .

EMMA AVILES
- Good sequence in the story.
-Some spelling problems ( theyrs- their...)
MARK: 78

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Last week, i  I went with my friend George to a beatiful river that only we know where is.

When we arrived to that river, we got in the boat and we started sailing...
We where WERE  rexaled enyYoing the peaceful travel but something terrible happened!!!

A big rock in the river hit the boat and it turn off!!! OVER!
George and i I  caught the boat very quickly because we were scared of  drowning!!!
We thought that we can COULD  swim, but it was very dangerous.
Hhopefully a log was in the way and we were saved!!!
Wwe got out of the river and went to our houses cold  and scared. lol
MARK: 97
Good Job!

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Look at the pictures. This is the beginning of the sory.
(Click on the picture to make it bigger)
Write 3 Paragraphs:
Parag. 1- Write the beginning of the story.
Parag 2 - the problem
Parag. 3 - the end

REMEMBER: Write the story in Past Simple and Continuous.
Use connectors, adjectives and adverbs ( loudly, silently, carefully..)