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19 Ways to Help Elementary Students Self-Regulate

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These strategies can help young learners practice an essential life skill—and foster classroom harmony in the process.

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Bites is a source of brain food to power your understanding of the world around you.

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Areas of Attention: Is My Child Developmentally Ready for Sustained Attention, Focus and Multitasking - Integrated Learning Strategies

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Areas of Attention: Is My Child Developmentally Ready for Sustained Attention, Focus and Multitasking - Integrated Learning Strategies

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This article provides helpful information regarding the 5 areas of attention. Affiliate links are included for your convenience. Integrated Learning Strategies (ILS) is a learning and academic center. As a reminder, ILS is not a health care provider and none of our materials or services provide a diagnosis or treatment of a specific condition or learning challenge you may see in your child or student. If you seek a diagnosis or treatment for your child or student, please contact a trained professional who can provide an evaluation of the child.
A group of six-year-olds sit down during circle time to listen to their teacher read them a story. After 10 minutes, a majority of the kids are fidgeting, whispering to their neighbor, or seem to be daydreaming. Is this scene typical? Yes, this behavior is within normal expectations for this particular age group and is what we call "age appropriate." All too quickly, many adults see a problem with how their child or other children are behaving or paying attention to activities in school, at home or during community events. Most children have a short attention span because their sustained attention has not yet developed. In fact, children at younger ages weren't meant to sit still in class, attend and focus, and read and write before Kindergarten. Their brain development is not yet ready or prepared for this type of learning as we learn in the Huffington Post's " 4 Things Worse than Not Learning to Read in Kindergarten."

To gain a more accurate picture of how long children can physically pay attention, think of their age as a guideline or a starting point. A child should be able to retain their visual and auditory attention for approximately 5 minutes if they are 5-years-old, 6 minutes if they are 6-years old, 7 minutes if they are 7-years-old, and so on. If an activity or event is interesting or new to your child, the number of minutes for sustained attention increases substantially. Typically, during the preschool years, and all the way through first grade, parents and teachers try to be creative when finding new ways to get their kids motivated and interested in a particular subject. After your child's interest is sparked, their time frame of attention goes up and the child has more opportunities to gather knowledge. Visual cues also play a huge role in how your child maintains their attention and can improve it if they struggle to retain information or have trouble following directions.

5 Areas of Attention

In Kenneth Lane's book, , he discusses the five areas of attention and how they all relate to visual observation and how a child responds to stimuli within their environment (sound, sight, smell, taste, touch). These five areas of attention differ from Types of Attention, but they can still be related, especially if your child struggles with attention and focus.

As your child develops, their attention span will grow, which will help you determine if their behavior is age appropriate or potentially delayed. When attention and focus is difficult for a child in the classroom, and their friends and peers are able to sustain their attention, it may be a sign that they need help in areas of proprioception, vestibular, visual and gross motor. To better help you understand your child's attention milestones you can monitor them in these five areas of attention to determine how they are performing in each area.

Focused Attention

This first area is your child's basic response to specific visual (sight), auditory (hearing) or tactile (touch) stimuli. It is your child's brain function that allocates cognitive resources to focus on external or internal information or stimuli. With that focus, the brain can process the data. Your child's attention span is their ability to keep their mind focused through attentive observation or active listening. By providing visual cueing opportunities for your child, you can increase the efficiency of your child's focus and attention on external information. Visual cues can be used to direct attention, emphasize, or enhance a position in place or target. For instance, a bold or underlined word, a laser pointer directed to a part of a presentation, or a flashing sign in a busy city. These types of visual are everywhere in our world. Your child is automatically attracted to these types of visual cues seen and processed through their visual system.

Selective Attention

This type of attention is your child's ability to select from multiple factors or stimuli and focus on one item. It is selective process that occurs because the child is actively filtering out other distractions. Selective attention takes practice for your child to ignore all unneeded distractions, which is difficult if they struggle with issues like Sensory Processing Disorders because they are so sensitive to background noise and chatter. Remember that selective concentration not only filters out external influence (e.g., noise), but also internal information (e.g., thoughts).

Example: When a child is required to read and comprehend in a loud classroom, they must have the ability to filter out distractions so they can focus on their reading material.

Shifting Attention

Another term for this area of attention is alternating attention. This type of attention is when your child has the ability to shift their focus and move between two or more tasks that have different cognitive requirements. It is different from multitasking because your child must stop one task to focus on a completely different task. It is interesting to watch a child's attention develop as they begin to have the mental flexibility to practice this type of attention. They will get more proficient in being able to alternate their attention back and forth between tasks.

Example: Reading a recipe and completing the tasks of the recipe.

Sustained Attention

This type of attention is what your child needs to focus on a task for a long period of time. It is the ability to concentrate on one activity or stimulus for a continuous stretch of time. It can be challenging not only for a child, but for an adult as well, especially if the task is boring or undesirable. Consequently, a child's level of sustained attention will vary. There are endless factors that contribute to the degree of how long a child can hold their focus. In , the maternal behavior towards a toddler or child was a major factor in the length and stability of a child's sustained attention. A key aspect of this type of attention is the capacity to re-focus if distracted.

Example: A child focused on a teacher discussing a new concept in math. Visual and auditory attention must be sustained on the teacher and the math concepts being introduced.

Divided Attention

This area of attention is where a child can process two or more responses to two or more demands simultaneously. People are not mentally designed to attend in this manner, which makes sharing attention difficult. Unlike shifting attention, where you change from one task to a completely different task, using divided attention means that you attempt to perform the tasks at the same time. Another term for this area of attention is multi-tasking. When this type of attention is needed, your child focuses only a part of their attention on each task. In a sense, they are splitting their attention versus alternating attention. Your child is able to multi-task successfully due to muscle memory and habit. This muscle memory and/or habit allows your child to complete a part of the task without conscious effort, while also focusing their energy on another task or other part of the task, which makes it seem like they are doing more than one task simultaneously.

Example: A child reading sheet music while playing the piano. Your child is not consciously focusing on where to place their fingers if the muscle memory is in place from prior practice and experience. The focus then shifts to reading the piece of music.

Attention is often the beginning of other cognitive capacities. Your child must first learn how to attend and progress to sustained attention so he or she can process the information for meaning and understanding. If your child cannot physically attend or if they have to concentrate on attending over learning in the classroom, it is a sign that they may be delayed or struggling in other areas. Eventually, sustained attention should lead to learning with a purpose.

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Integrated Learning Strategies is a Utah-based center dedicated to helping mainstream children and children with learning challenges achieve academic success. Our services provide kids with non-traditional tutoring programs within the Davis County, Kaysville, Layton, Syracuse, Farmington, and Centerville areas. Areas to find Integrated Learning Strategies include: Reading tutors in Kaysville, Math tutors in Kaysville, Common Core Tutors in Kaysville, Tutors in Utah, Utah Tutoring Programs

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Areas of Attention: Is My Child Developmentally Ready for Sustained Attention, Focus and Multitasking

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5 Areas of Attention: Is My Child Developmentally Ready for Sustained Attention, Focus and Multitasking This article provides helpful information regarding the 5 areas of attention. Affiliate links are included for your convenience. Integrated Learning Strategies (ILS) is a learning and academic center.

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The Most Overlooked Reason Why Kids Won't Listen, Focus or Sit Still

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The Most Overlooked Reason Why Kids Won't Listen, Focus or Sit Still

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Raising Kids Inside: Learn the most important (and overlooked) reason why kids won't listen, focus or sit still. Plus, get 25+ ways to help your kids build these important life skills.
My son climbed to the top of the monkey bars and snaked across them from above. He's not strong enough to swing across arm-to-arm, so his solution is to catapult his legs up, pull his entire body on top of the bars, and slither across.

A mom walked up to me. "Your son's on top of the monkey bars. Just thought I'd let you know so he doesn't fall and get hurt."

Shortly after, two kids walked up and said, "He's on top of the monkey bars! He's going to get hurt."

Related: 2 Year Old Not Listening? Try This Remarkable Tip

It happened in other situations, too.

When I took my two kids to a Merry-Go-Round, and let them have it as I sat on a picnic bench watching from afar, parents and kids alike voiced their concerns.
"Someone is going to break their arm over there!" "She's going to fall and get hurt." "He's spinning, and he's going to get sick."
Same thing when people saw my kids hanging upside down (per their own doing) for several minutes at a time.
"All the blood is rushing to his head. It's gonna make him sick." "That's too dangerous!"
Or when people saw my kids twisting and spinning around on a swing.
"Someone is going to get their fingers pinched!" "That's not safe. Put your bottom on the swing."
The bigger issue occurred - for other parents - when my kids did these things and their children wanted to join in the "dangerous" activity. This is a common thread I see at playgrounds and when talking with parents I work with through parent coaching.

Related: How to Build Listening, Improve Cooperation Using a Printable Daily Schedule for Kids

Here's the problem: Why kids won't listen.

Children's ability to move and play are being restricted more than ever. We are trying to protect them by saying "No climbing," "No running," "No spinning," "That's too dangerous," and "Get down from there!"
Disclosure: Post contains affiliate links, which means if you make a purchase, at no extra cost to you, I may earn a small commission.
However, research shows that the drastic decline in "risky" outdoor play in kids is creating behavior problems. By constantly hovering over kids, restricting their movement, and diminishing their time to play, we are causing more harm than good.

"According the to American Academy of Pediatrics (2013), a recent study show that the average child spends eight hours a day in front of screens (television, video games, computers, smart phones, and so on). Older children and adolescents are spending an average of eleven hours a day in front of screens." ( Hanscom 2016 ).

That's a huge amount of time spent in front of screens, which provide little to no proprioceptive or vestibular input (which I'll talk about in a second). In prior generations, this time was spent outdoors or in play.

This is the important part.

In order for kids to listen, focus and learn to sit still for a period of time, they must develop both proprioception and vestibular sense. The most critical time to develop a child's proprioception and vestibular sense is before age six.

With all the time spent in front of screens and telling kids to sit still, avoid climbing, and stop jumping, it's not surprising why kids won't listen.

Proprioception is what tells you where your body parts are without having to look at them. This is the sense that helps you make sense of gravity. It's the reason you can switch from the gas pedal to the brake without looking at your feet, or bring popcorn to your mouth without taking your eyes off the movie screen.

Without properly developed proprioception, kids can push too hard during tag, fall out their seat at the dinner table, or trip while walking up stairs. (You'll see this a lot in toddlers as they develop proprioception, but you should see it less and less in kids ages four, five, six and beyond).

Vestibular sense provides information about where the body is in relation to its surroundings. This is the sense that helps you understand balance, and it connects with all the other senses.

When the vestibular system does not develop properly all other senses will struggle to function properly. Without a strong vestibular sense, kids will have no choice but to fidget, get frustrated, experience more falls and aggression, get too close to people when talking, and struggle with focusing and listening. Because they literally cannot help it.

Related: How to Handle Back Talk Like a Parenting Warrior

Helping your kids.

In order for kids to learn to listen, focus and follow directions as they grow, they need to develop proprioception and vestibular sense by experiencing many physical challenges during childhood.

Without it, kids can't pay attention in school because they are too distracted by their own bodies. Putting clothes on, trying new foods, and finishing homework become insurmountable tasks when kids don't have a strong vestibular sense or well-developed proprioception.

Study after study shows that kids today desperately need more physical activity. "John Ratey, an associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard, suggests that people think of exercise as medication for ADHD. Even very light physical activity improves mood and cognitive performance by triggering the brain to release dopamine and serotonin, similar to the way that stimulant medications like Adderall do." ( source)

Angela J. Hanscom, author of Balanced and Barefoot and pediatric occupational therapist, recommends getting your kids outside as much as possible. Ideally, kids of all ages should get at least three hours of free outdoor play daily.

While I'm not certain if her age-based recommended times are realistic or not, they are as follows:

Toddlers → At least five to eight hours of active play per day, preferably outdoors

Preschoolers → At least five to eight hours of active play per day, preferably outdoors.

School age → At least four to five hours of physical activity and outdoor play.

Adolescents → Physical activity three to four hours a day.

Here are a few ways to support your child's vestibular sense:

Spinning in circles.

Using a Merry-Go-Round.

Rolling down a hill.

Spinning on a swing.

Going upside down.

Climbing trees.

Rocking.

Jumping rope.

Summersaults or cartwheels.

Using monkey bars.

Skating.

Going backwards.

Swimming.

Dancing.

Wheel-barrel walks.

Here are a few ways to support your child's proprioceptive input:

Carrying or lifting boxes.

Pushing or pulling a wagon.

Build a fort.

Rake leaves.

Shovel snow.

Pick up and put down heavy sticks.

Dig in the dirt.

Carry buckets of sand or water.

Give hugs.

Knead playdoh

Jump on a trampoline.

Chewing on something

Squeezing a stress ball

Playing Tug-O-War with a stretchy band

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Let the kids live "dangerously."

As a parent, there are many times I've cringed and closed my eyes to avoid watching my child spin in circles, slither across the monkey bars or swing high into the air. It's only natural to worry that something will happen.

But the truth is kids know what they need. Children with healthy neurological systems naturally seek out the sensory input they need on their own. They do this without thinking about it.

When they jump, swing, spin, pick up rocks or dig in the dirt, kids are doing exactly what they need. They aren't intentionally doing it to get hurt, act rambunctiously, worry you or get messy.

They are doing it to help themselves become safer, calmer and happier kids.

Like Dr. Tina Bryson says, "You can trust development." Her words have never been more true.

Download your free printable.

Chances are you won't remember all the ways to support your child's vestibular and proprioceptive development. This printable simplifies it!

Here's a sneak preview...

1. Download the checklist. Join 37,000+ parents who receive my weekly-ish tips and ideas and get the printable delivered straight to you inbox.

2. Print. Any paper will do the trick, but cardstock would be ideal.

3. Place it on your refrigerator. Check off the things as you go and don't forget a thing!

Click here to subscribe and download
Many of these ideas come from a life-changing parenting book called Balanced and Barefoot: How Unrestricted Outdoor Play Makes for Strong, Confident and Capable Children. For more on helping your child become his or her best self, check out these amazing parenting reads...
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The most overlooked reason why your kids won't listen, focus or sit still.

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Raising Kids Inside: Learn the most important (and overlooked) reason why kids won't listen, focus or sit still. Plus, get 25+ ways to help your kids build these important life skills. My son climbed to the top of the monkey bars and snaked across them from above.

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MRIs show screen time linked to lower brain development in preschoolers - CNN

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MRIs show screen time linked to lower brain development in preschoolers - CNN

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mris show screen time linked to lower brain development in preschoolers - cnn

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MRIs show screen time linked to lower brain development in preschoolers

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A new study found the brains of 3- to 5-year-old children who overused screens were not as developed in areas needed for language, writing and cognitive skills.

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How to talk to children about anxiety and mental health

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How to talk to children about anxiety and mental health

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The COVID-19 pandemic has impacted children in so many ways. Many feel anxious, lonely, scared and depressed. But what is normal behavior or a sign of something more? Is that sulking simply part of childhood? When your daughter rejects her favorite video game is that a sign she's losing interest in things she once enjoyed?

"During the pandemic, the kids we used to not worry about - the athletes, the outgoing, extroverted kids - started to be the kids we were worrying about more. The extroverted kids, who loved people, those are the kids we are seeing are confusing parents more," Dr. Jen Hartstein, a family psychologist told Carson Daly for Mind Matters. "The kids who were introverted or the kids who were being bullied have actually thrived more in the pandemic."

Knowing whether behaviors are part of childhood development or signs of a mental health concern can be a challenge. But there's good news: Asking children about their mental health won't cause a problem.

"Don't ignore it. You may not be right. It is better to err on expressing your concerns to a kid who isn't having concerns," parenting expert Dr. Deborah Gilboa told TODAY Parents. "Asking people about suicide does not cause them to contemplate suicide. Asking kids about anxiety wouldn't make them anxious."

The experts want parents to start talking to their children at a young age.

"The first part of resilience in mental health is being able to talk about it," Gilboa said.

She notes that dramatic shifts in behavior could indicate a problem. Changes to look out for include:

Loss of interest in things they once enjoyed

Changes in eating or sleeping habits

Avoidance of friends

New behaviors

Isolation

More aches, pains or ailments

If parents notice troubling signs, they don't have to solve them alone.

"You don't have to have the answers. Your job is to advocate for your children, to reach out to resources," Gilboa said. "You are a 'your child' expert, not a mental health expert."

The experts share how parents can talk to their children about their mental health, age by age.

Parents of young children should help them identify feelings. Gilboa says researchers know that children learn emotions like they learn colors or shapes. If parents teach them the words for 30 different feelings, they learn nuance.

"The best thing we can do for them as preschoolers is give them names," she said. "When we teach kids to name embarrassed versus ashamed versus anxious versus sad ... they get better and better at speaking their truth and naming it."

While it might be tempting for parents to tell their children how to feel - or not feel - we shouldn't, Gilboa said.

"You're saying their feelings don't matter," she explained. "Telling a kid that an emotional reaction is wrong can make them try to fake it. But that's not a healthy coping strategy."

Younger children are often more likely to complain about physical ailments than mental ones. If a child suddenly has tummy troubles, for example, it could be a sign they need to talk to someone.

"Maybe you have a child who always has headaches, there is a good chance that child is feeling anxious or depressed," Dr. Judith Joseph a child psychiatrist told Daly. "Children actually perceive rejection, and interpret it as if it's physical pain. If your child says, XYZ has a new best friend. That's a cue that they are experiencing pain by this rejection."

She added that a good way to get children to open up is through role playing.

"You can do this with a doll or action figure toy. Let them be adults and you be the kid, you say, "My tummy hurts, I am sad" and see what you child says, you'd be shocked," Joseph said.

Parents can also help their preschool and kindergarten children with coping mechanisms for handling tough feelings. Does crying help? What about hugging mom or dad? Will drawing help?

When kids use these skills, parents should praise them.

"Catching them doing good is really useful," Gilboa said.

Parents still should ask about feelings and forget about labels to conditions, such as depression or anxiety.

"We can't diagnose them. They can't diagnose themselves. We shouldn't ask any kid this age to try," Gilboa said. "Ask in terms of emotions."

If children struggle to explain how they are feeling, parents can ask their children to tell them a story. That way they feel it's safe to open up.

"Kids this age understand that there are some feelings that are frustrating and disappointing to adults," she said.

Gilboa also suggests that parents play a game with their children every night. Each family member lists their high and low of their day.

"A high gets you a whole story and a low gets a whole other story," Gilboa said. This shows children that: "I am the person you bring the hard stuff to and I am the person you bring the good stuff to."

By now children have heard of mental health conditions, such as depression, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. Give them a pre-test and ask about them what they know.

Parents can say 'Have you ever heard the term depression? In what context and what do you understand it to mean?'" Gilboa said. "You can say, 'Do you ever experience that yourself?'"

Middle school students might push back and think their parents are being lame. That's OK. It's better to persist and be wrong.

Try saying: "I am asking you this because I see you; I love you; you're very important to me."

Middle school students often lack self-confidence and need such reassurances.

Another way to encourage middle school age children to chat is through something called mirroring.

"You may have to mirror. You may want to share. Today XX said this to me at work and it made me feel this way. Have you ever felt this way? Remember no accusing, ask your child for their opinion," Hartstein told Daly. "That allows them to share."

By high school, teens are trying to figure out how they can talk to their parents about mental health.

"Don't wonder if you should talk to a high schooler, you definitely should," Gilboa said. "Every teenager needs to be having a conversation with a trusted adult."

Moodiness seems par for the course with many teens. But that could also be a sign that something else might be going on.

"We know it's common for teenagers especially to feel irritable and withdrawn but these could also be a sign that maybe perhaps they're experiencing a conflict at school such as being bullied," Hartstein told Daly. "These are also signs your child is looking for a way to communicate. Think about why you as an adult feel irritable and withdraw, usually it's because something isn't working."

Parents can ask if their teens are worried about someone else or themselves. But adults should be specific about what they will do if someone is at risk.

"You should be really clear with your teen that if someone's life is in danger, you will step in," Gilboa said.

If your teens dismiss your effort to talk about their mental health, ask them for input.

"Give them some autonomy of when and where and how you can approach it to make it more successful," Gilboa said.

While some teens will talk to their parents, others might feel comfortable talking to another adult. Parents shouldn't take it personally. Gilboa suggests saying something like, "Who are the adults in your world you can trust if you feel you can't come to me? I won't be angry. I might be hurt." But parents should make sure they know who those resources are.

This article was originally published in September 2019.

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How to talk to children about their mental health: An age-by-age guide

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The COVID-19 pandemic has impacted children in so many ways. Many feel anxious, lonely, scared and depressed. But what is normal behavior or a sign of something more? Is that sulking simply part of childhood? When your daughter rejects her favorite video game is that a sign she's losing interest in things she once enjoyed?

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The Best Way to Respond When Your Child Refuses to Go to School

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The Best Way to Respond When Your Child Refuses to Go to School

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It was just like any other day. The morning started the same way. There was no change in the weather, no change in the routines, and no big plans looming that could have caused what was about to happen. This morning was very different than every other morning, despite it starting just the same. My child refuses to go to school. If you've ever been in this situation, you know how helpless it feels to be staring at a child with their feet firmly planted in the ground like quicksand and big crocodile tears streaming down their face. If you aren't careful, you might even find yourself in a head to head power struggle with your child (and no one wants that)! You need help, just like I did.
* This post may contain affiliate links for your convenience. Click here for my full disclosure.
It happens at least once in every parents lifetime. You are not alone. In fact, for some of us parenting children with anxiety, sensory processing disorder or autism, mornings can be the bane of our existence (we can talk about that another day). No matter how old your child is, whether they are developing typically or not, school anxiety is a real thing and it can be completely debilitating if it happens to you and your child. Today I want to share some of my go to strategies for getting through these tough mornings and get you and your kiddo back on their feet and ready for an awesome day.

Your Child Refuses to Go to School

I have three children and each of them have done this at least once. My three year old, however is a special one. She goes through patterns of school anxiety... for a whole month she will be completely fine and excited to go to school and then BAM... out of the blue (so it seems to us) she plants her feet and refuses to get in the car to go to school.

This is a very common problem. In fact, I see this happening more and more during the holidays and after long breaks from school. I am gearing up for an uptick in this behavior in my own home as well as in my support group where many parents and teachers see this same behavior and feel lost when it happens.

First thing to remember... your child feels that whatever is bothering them or worrying them is very valid. They might not have the words to tell you what is bothering them, which causes tantrums and meltdowns and unruly behavior. But I assure you, their fears and worries feel very valid to them. The first step to take when you see your child starting to gear up for a big refusal session is to acknowledge their worries and fears. Yes, I know you need to get out the door and you are running late already. I know the other kids are begging for your attention in the car.

I assure you, taking the time to acknowledge your child's feelings now, will make the world of difference. Take 2 minutes to slow down, get on your child's level and let them know you see they are upset and you are there for them when they are ready.

Why Your Child Refuses to Go To School

There are so many reasons your child could be refusing to go to school today.
Step one: Identify any underlying physical problems that could be causing your child to not want to go to school.
I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I want to share a few go-to questions I always ask myself when we are struggling with this at home or when I saw it in the classroom.

1. Is my child sick?

2. Did my child eat?

3. How much sleep did my child get?

4. Are there any changes to the routine recently?

5. Is there a big event coming up?

6. Are there too many things happening at once?

Making sure I have covered all the basic needs of my child, I can now dig deeper and get to the root of what could be causing so much trouble at the moment. 7 times out of 10 the root of the problem is one of the core issues I mentioned above. Too tired, too hungry, coming down with a cold, sensory overload, or anxious about a change in routines. However, those other three times, it can feel like a complete loss.
Step Two: Identify any school factors that could be causing your child harm, worry, or fear.
Honestly, my first instinct is to get mad at the school and assume someone else is doing something to my poor baby girl that is causing her such distress. It is human nature to want to place the blame somewhere is. It is only natural to want an answer and if we can't fix it, to assume it must be someone else's fault. Now, I never let these thoughts get very far, but I also don't want to dismiss these things either. Here are a few questions I like to ask myself, my child or the school to make sure environmental factors aren't playing a role in my child's newest battle.

1. Is my child safe?

2. Is my child having trouble with school subjects (a big test, difficulty reading, etc)

3. Does my child have friends? Is there something going on between them?

4. Is my child being bullied or threatened at school?

You might be thinking, "but I've covered all these and none of these are the reason my child is refusing to go to school." If so, you are not alone. This is where many of us find ourselves and why we turn to others for help. We want to look at our child and say "Its fine. Just get in the car. You are going to school." but at the same time we worry about our children and why they are so upset. Grabbing your child in their pajamas and carrying them into the school isn't really the answer to the problem. What you need is something concrete you can try the next time this happens to you. That's when you need a few go-to phrases to use to help you and your child get out the door, into the car and into school.

The Best Way to Respond When Your Child Refuses to Go to School

In the heat of the moment, you need to have a toolkit of strategies ready to go. These phrases are meant to be a guide and tool to add to your toolkit.

I notice you are ... This is a simple phrase to help your child know you see them, you hear them and acknowledge their frustration or worry. In this sentence, try inserting what you see, hear, or notice about what they are doing. Don't assume their feelings or what they are upset, but instead say things like "I notice you are crying this morning." "I see you are having trouble getting your words out."

Let's take a minute... While all of the phrases here are incredibly helpful, some children are not going to be ready to talk anything out in the moment. The first thing you need to do, is get your child to a safe place to let out their emotions and feelings. Give them space to cry, be mad, or even yell. Giving them the space to have a minute will usually make them more willing to talk with you when they are no longer in the "Fight" mode.

What is your biggest worry? Try to get your child to tell you about what is upsetting them and keeping them from school. Not all children will have the words to tell you hear, but it is worth trying.

When do you have the toughest time at school? Asking open ended questions can lead to finding answers to why your child is refusing school. Questions that begin with who, what, when, where, why... are all great starters when you are still in discovery mode.

What would happen if... Once your child tells you their big worry, explore the options of what the outcome would be if that really did happen. Let's say your child is worried they won't have anyone to play with. "What would happen if you couldn't find someone to play with? What could you do?" This puts the ownership in your child's hands and lets them know they are in control. They can ask someone to play, they can play a solo game, or they can introduce themselves to a new crowd.

Tell me about (your favorite)... Often times children can get stuck in a negative thought pattern. Remembering their favorite part of the day, friend or teacher can sometimes get them unstuck and ready for school.

Do you remember when... Reminding your child of positive memories from school or someone at school that made them feel safe is a great way to encourage them to try school again.

Let's make a plan together. Refusing to go to school is often an outward behavior related to the flight or fight response system in our brains. When your child is upset, their brain is locked and unable to problem solve or develop a plan in the moment. They need help making a solid plan that will help them move forward.

We can solve this problem together. If your child has told you about a problem with a friend, a subject in school or even the teacher, let them know you are there for them and will help them solve the problem.

Let's try taking baby steps... Avoiding school all together isn't really an option. Missing school actually increases the anxiety and worry and makes the problem bigger the next day. Instead, use gradual steps to getting your child into the school. Start small. Day one: Walk your child to the classroom. Day two: Walk your child to the end of the hall. Day three: Walk your child to the office. Day three: Walk your child to the front of the school. and so on. The idea is that you are building on what they are comfortable with and gradually releasing control and ownership to your child.

Let's look at today's schedule... One of the biggest hurdles for some children about school is the unknown. If each day is different (like in preschool), your child might not know what is going to be happening today. If you have a daily schedule of school already go over it with your child. For my three year old, they have a schedule when we get to school. On days she is struggling most, we look at the list of things she will do for the day and pick one she can't wait to try.

First... Then... Some children are so excited about what is happening after school that they want to just skip the school part altogether. Giving them a clear statement of "First school, then we will make cookies" can help your child organize their day. You can also use this to get them through the morning one step at a time.... First, we'll eat breakfast, then we will get dressed. Walk them through the morning this way, all the way to the classroom.

I love you... I like to add this to any of my lists, because we can't tell our children enough how much they mean to us. In a moment of frustration, worry or fear, we want to remind our children that we are there for them, we love them and together we will figure this out.

Anxiety and worry look different for every child. Not every one of these strategies will work for your kids. You are the expert on your child. If you try something and it makes their worries worse, don't panic. Just pick something else from the list to try next time. Eventually, you will find a few phrases that are effective for sending a calm, encouraging and empowering message to your child.

When My Worries Get too Big is a great addition to add to any library if you have a child who worries or is anxious. Engaging and easy to read, this illustrated children s book is filled with opportunities for children to participate in developing their own self-calming strategies. Children who use the simple strategies in this charming book, illustrated by the author, will find themselves relaxed and ready to focus on work or play!
Related: The Perfect Gift Idea for a Kid that Worries
Print this School Refusal Cheat Sheet

This post comes with a free printable to help with you in a bind.

I have made a simple printable for you that has all of these phrases in a simple and easy to display format. Place it on the fridge, in a frame or even in your child's calm down spot so they remember them as well. Don't get caught struggling to remember your options!

This printable simplifies it!

Here is a sneak preview...

Download Your Free Printable

1. Download the checklist. You'll get the printable, plus join my weekly newsletter! Click Here to Download and Subscribe

2. Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.

3. Place it on your refrigerator.

Note: If your child's worries are impacting their school functioning, sleep or eating habits, or are negatively impacting their daily routine, seek support from a mental health professional.
Need More Help with Your Superkid?

When we see that we have an angry child, we really aren't seeing the whole picture...

Your child's behaviors are much like an iceberg. On the surface you see...
* a child that is clingy and doesn't like to be alone,
* a child that crosses his arms and shuts down
* a child that is scared of ever getting a wrong answer
* a child that doesn't like to go new places
Or a child that becomes "hyper" when new guests arrive at your house.

It's easy to look at these behaviors as just what we see. It's easy to make assumptions about why our children are acting out or doing inexplicable things.

However, I challenge you to look for the other 85%. Look deeper.

What's hiding behind what you see?
Grab your unique behavior report here

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The Best Way to Respond When Your Child Refuses to Go to School

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It was just like any other day. The morning started the same way. There was no change in the weather, no change in the routines, and no big plans looming that could have caused what was about to happen. This morning was very different than every other morning, despite it starting just the same.

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How to Respond When Your Child is Disrespectful

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How to Respond When Your Child is Disrespectful

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by: Nicole Schwarz

The playdate is over. It is time to head home.

You gave a 5-minute warning. You expect everything to go well.

Suddenly, it happens.

Your child responds disrespectfully.
"No! I don't want to go! You never let me do anything fun!"
You feel the anger rising inside you. You yell back, " How dare you talk to me like that!"

He continues, " You didn't even send me a treat in my lunch today! You are the meanest mom ever!!!"

Now, you're furious. " That's it! No TV for a week!"

This back and forth continues.

You drag him to the car, kicking and screaming. Vowing never to let him have a playdate ever again.

Disrespect Is Not OK.

As parents, we definitely need to teach our children how to treat others with kindness, and how to communicate big feelings without being disrespectful.

Unfortunately, we cannot teach them to be respectful in the heat of the moment.

I know you WANT to deal with it right then and there.

But, once your child is angry, disappointed, frustrated, or upset, the thinking part of their brain has shut down. They are in survival mode. Their body is flooded with stress chemicals and they are not able to hear and process the lessons you are trying to teach.

Plus, we can't teach our kids to be respectful by treating them with disrespect.

I know you HATE being disrespected.

But, if you are triggered by their disrespectful behavior, your brain goes into survival mode too. You are not able to think rationally. Your responses will either be filled with anger, yelling and punishment or you will shut down and give up.

Thankfully, there is a way to teach your child to talk about big feelings without being disrespectful.

Another Way to Deal with Disrespect.

I realize that the suggestions listed here may be different than you're used to. You may feel a little unsure about trying these strategies with your kids. that's OK.

The goal is to address the behavior without threatening, bribing, or responding with disrespect.

Stay calm: It's not easy to keep cool when our kids are being rude. This may feel impossible at first. Meeting them with disrespect sends the wrong message. Instead, model good self-care by taking a deep breath, counting to 20 or repeating a mantra: "This is not an emergency" before you respond to your child.

Decode the Behavior: Look at things from your child's perspective. Were they caught off guard? Is what you're asking inconvenient? Do they feel powerless? Their response is a reflection of what they are feeling inside. Unfortunately, at this point, they can't put it into more appropriate words.

Empathize: Help your child understand their own feelings by offering an empathetic response, "It seems unfair that we have to go already" or "I know it's hard to leave when you're having such a fun time!" You do not have to agree with the feeling, it simply means that you are willing to relate to their experience.

Check the Time: Some kids are affected by low blood sugar, hunger or thirst. Others are very sensitive to environmental stimulation or not getting enough sleep. Has it been awhile since your child ate? Could they use a sip of water? Or a break from a loud environment? Offer it in a non-threatening way, "I'm going to have a cracker, would you like one too?"

Slow It Down: It's easy to get pulled away with the "runaway train" of angry, frustrated words and emotions. Instead of jumping on board and responding to every criticism or complaint your child throws at you, try to put on the brakes, "Whoa! That's a lot of info. I'd like to listen, but you're talking too fast. Let's calm down so I can understand what you're trying to say."

Connect: If your child is misbehaving, the last thing on your mind is cuddling. However, for many kids, connection is exactly what they need! If you are able to look past the behavior and ignore all of the big feelings and overwhelming emotion, you will be able to see that your child is hurting and needs support. Sometimes, a hug is better than any verbal response.

Once you've made it through the big feelings, you can decide if this was simply the result of a child who had too much candy and excitement at the playdate, or if this is a bigger issue that needs to be addressed.

Do the Teaching Later

Once everyone is calm, you can talk about what happened and how to do it differently next time.

Waiting or delaying your response does not mean that you are a passive parent or you're saying that disrespect is OK.

It means that you are waiting until your brain, and your child's brain, is able to receive information and move on without being rude, angry or disrespectful.

When you're ready to talk, you can start with, "It seems like you were upset about leaving the playdate earlier. Can we think of a different way to tell me how you feel?"

You can also address some of the things that were said, "I heard you say something about snacks in your lunch. Is this something you want to talk about now?"

You have feelings too! It's ok to express them, and let your child know how their words affect you. Be careful not to point the finger back at your child, keep the focus on how it felt to you. "I felt hurt when you said I was the meanest mom ever."

If you've lost your cool and said angry words in the heat of the moment, it's ok to admit it. You are not perfect, and it is good for your kids to see that you are working on calming skills too!

This is when the teaching happens.

Calm brains can learn information. Which means, your child is ready to process and practice new skills.

It means they can learn how to manage big feelings, communicate their needs, and respond respectfully in the future.

Which was your goal all along.

Want to learn to build an atmosphere of respect and love in your home?

The Communication for Imperfect Families eCourse is coming soon. You'll learn how to get your kids to listen without yelling or repeating yourself 1,000 times, how to stop the backtalk and arguments, and confidently handle meltdowns and disagreements.

Join the Waiting List!

Related

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How to Respond When Your Child is Disrespectful

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by: Nicole Schwarz The playdate is over. It is time to head home. You gave a 5-minute warning. You expect everything to go well. Suddenly, it happens. Your child responds disrespectfully. "No! I don't want to go! You never let me do anything fun!" You feel the anger rising inside you.

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Fidget Spinner Manufacturers Are Marketing Their Toys as a Treatment for ADHD, Autism, and Anxiety - Motherboard

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Fidget Spinner Manufacturers Are Marketing Their Toys as a Treatment for ADHD, Autism, and Anxiety - Motherboard

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Editor's note: The original headline of this article was "Let's Investigate the Nonsense Claim that Fidget Spinners Can Treat ADHD, Autism, and Anxiety." That was dismissive of the lived experiences of people with those conditions, and for that we apologize. We've updated the headline. We've also updated the story to note that people with ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, and anxiety say that the toys have helped them cope. Since the publication of this article, many people have written to say that fidget spinners have helped them or their children cope with autism, anxiety, or ADHD. The article was intended as a critique of manufacturers selling these products as "treatments" despite no specific scientific research suggesting that was the case-not of the people who use them as a coping mechanism.
Scroll through Amazon's seemingly endless list of fidget spinners, and you'll see that the vast majority of these toys promise to relieve stress, reduce anxiety, and treat ADD, ADHD, and even autism.

If you haven't played with one yet, fidget spinners are small plastic and metal toys made with skate bearings. You flick them, and they spin for a very long time (usually longer than a minute). They are, admittedly, lots of fun to spin and stare at, and they're everywhere.

The toy everyone is talking about may be fun and a cool physics trick, but there's no published scientific research to suggest that they have any actual medical benefits. Anecdotally, people with autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, and anxiety say that fidget spinners have helped them cope.

Rather than selling these purely as a fun toy, most of them are being sold as being " perfect for ADD, ADHD, anxiety, and autism" or somesuch. Click further, and even more promises are made: "Ideal for people trying to quite nail biting, smoking, leg shaking and all type of attention disorder issues ... Great Toy For Fidgeters, Anxiety, Focusing, ADHD, Autism, Quitting Bad Habits, Staying Awake."

Very little fidgeting is actually needed to use a fidget spinner

There is at least some evidence that foot tapping, squirming, "hyperactivity," and other types of "excess gross motor activity" may be a "compensatory mechanism that facilitates neurocognitive functioning in children with ADHD," according to a 2015 study published in The Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology. That study's lead author, Mark Rapport, head of the Children's Learning Clinic at the University of Central Florida, found some evidence that adults should "avoid overcorrecting gross motor activity [of children with ADHD] during academic tasks."

In other words, there is some evidence that fidgeting while performing a task may help some children learn.

The thing is, very little fidgeting is actually needed to use a fidget spinner, and fidget spinners are a secondary distraction whereas tapping your feet is something you can easily do while performing another activity.

"Fidget spinners may prove to be more of a distraction than a help because the toy moves rather than the child," Rapport told me. "It is the child's movement that helps them maintain the necessary level of arousal needed to complete cognitively demanding tasks."

That hasn't stopped companies, such as Addictive Fidget Toys, from advertising their spinners as providing a sense of comfort and peace in stressful situations. The company says that it makes the claim based on some anecdotal evidence.

"We have not done a scientific study ourselves, however we have several customers as well as some of our own staff that have told us it has helped them," said Addie, an employee at Addictive Fidget Toys.

"They are just a distraction. I would not recommend them to my patients."

Spinetic Spinners, another fidget toy company, told me there has been no fidget spinner-specific research done: "It is in our plan to seek out medical testing for our products to get a definite answer," the company said.

Therapists and behavioral psychologists aren't buying it, however. Julie Schweitzer, a professor at the University of California, Davis, who is a part of the Medical Investigation of Neurodevelopmental Disorders (MIND) Institute, told the Boston Globe she doesn't consider the toys to be a "treatment" and has declined to support several fidget spinner companies who have reached out to her for an endorsement.

Maryland-based occupational therapist Stephen Poss said that the autistic children and those with ADHD he's worked with one-on-one haven't found fidget spinners to be therapeutic.

"I haven't seen any scientific evidence on fidget spinners," Poss told me. "From what I've observed, they are just a distraction. I would not recommend them to my patients."

Maybe there's a reason, then, why schools around the country are starting to ban them.

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Fidget Spinner Manufacturers Are Marketing Their Toys as a Treatment for ADHD, Autism, and Anxiety

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Editor's note: The original headline of this article was "Let's Investigate the Nonsense Claim that Fidget Spinners Can Treat ADHD, Autism, and Anxiety." That was dismissive of the lived experiences of people with those conditions, and for that we apologize. We've updated the headline.

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Fidget Spinners: is it really what your child needs? — Victoria Prooday

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Fidget Spinners: is it really what your child needs? — Victoria Prooday

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The brain has the magical ability to rewire itself. We live in the world that offers our brains instant gratification, which works just like a drug. The more instant gratification we offer our brains, the more our brains crave it.

With the best of intentions, we have rewired the brains of this entire generation of children to expect instant gratification, by offering them IPads, videogames, and depriving their brains of opportunities for boredom, responsibilities, and limits. Children come to school emotionally unavailable to learn. Their brains are unable to function under lower levels of stimulation, and expect special effects at all times. Unfortunately, real life can't offer their brains what we promised; compared to the stimulation offered by the screens, real life is boring. Life requires the brain to work through boredom, which these children can't tolerate so they become fidgety the moment their brains perceive even minor "boredom".

With the invention of the spinner fidgets, we take their brains to the next level of instant gratification. Moreover, again and again, we buy our children what they want, the moment they want it, without thinking if it is truly what they need. Now, they bring the spinners into the classroom; continuing to stimulate their brains all day long with high levels of spinning stimulation. The more they stimulate their brains, the more they will crave for it, the less delayed gratification they will have, the less emotionally available for learning they will be (Read more about it here).

There are a few kids that do require fidgets. However, even for these kids, the fidgets are just a quick fix. These children require a much deeper approach to help them concentrate. In many cases, if a child needs fidgets, it means that his brain is overly stimulated and he actually needs help calming his brain down rather than further stimulating it. Here are some suggestions that will minimize your child's need for fidgeting:

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Fidget Spinners: is it really what your child needs?

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The brain has the magical ability to rewire itself. We live in the world that offers our brains instant gratification, which works just like a drug. The more instant gratification we offer our brains, the more our brains crave it.

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How to Write IEP Goals: A Guide for Parents and Professionals - Speech And Language Kids

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How to Write IEP Goals: A Guide for Parents and Professionals - Speech And Language Kids

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Imagine that you show up to an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting, whether you are a parent or a professional, and you see a goal like this:
"Bonnie will learn the letters of the alphabet."
What would you think?

I hope you would think, "What does that even mean??". What exactly is she supposed to learn? What they're called? What sounds they make? How to sing the song? And how will you know that she has "learned" them? And when does she need to have this done by?

All in all, this is a terrible goal.

So how does one write a decent IEP goal? Well, I'm going to explain it to you and give you the formula. If you're a professional (such as a speech therapist), this will help you in writing goals for your student. If you are a parent, this will help you understand what types of goals should be written for your child and know how to ask for clarification if the goals you find in your child's IEP aren't up to these standards.

Click the Player to Listen to This Content, Or Scroll Down to Keep Reading:
For More Productivity Hacks for Speech Therapists, Click Here!
Step One: Identify the Areas of Concern

The first step for writing any good goal is to identify the area of concern. These concerns should be written in the "Present Level of Academic Performance" area of the IEP (some schools/states name that area something slightly different). You can figure out what areas are of concern by using standardized tests, developmental checklists, common core curriculum benchmarks/standards, or any other skills assessments that you have access to. This section should also include information on how that area of concern impacts the child in the educational setting.

For example, you could say "Jimmy is not able to stand on his head for more than 3 minutes." That is definitely an area of concern for poor Jimmy. However, it is not educationally relevant. That is to say, his lack of head-stand skills is very unlikely to cause him problems in the classroom. Unless, of course, there is a head-stand competition and his grade depends on it...but let's assume that's probably not going to happen. For that reason, Jimmy's head-stand disability should not be included in the present level of academic performance.

Instead, we should be writing things like "In spontaneous speech, Jimmy does not include any grammatical markers in his utterances. This makes his speech sound 'telegraphic' which causes him to be very difficult to understand. This impacts Jimmy's ability to communicate his wants and needs with teachers and peers, participate in classroom discussions, and initiate and maintain appropriate relationships with peers."

The key to this section is to write what the child is having difficulty with (specifically) and then how it impacts him in the classroom.

Here are a few examples of how communication delays may impact a child in the classroom:

Difficulty being understood by teachers and peers

Difficulty communicating basic wants and needs to teachers and peers

Difficulty initiating and maintaining relationships with peers

Difficulty participating in classroom discussions

Making it difficult for teachers to assess knowledge and skill acquisition

Difficulty understanding classroom texts and reading

Difficulty following directions to complete educational tasks

Difficulty following routines

Difficulty understanding and retaining new concepts presented in class

Difficulty attending to auditory/verbal stimuli

Difficulty retelling past events in a logical manner or forming narratives

Step Two: Each Area of Concern Should be Addressed in the IEP

Ok, here's a big takeaway guys. If you write a concern in the Present Level of Academic Performance, you need to address it somewhere in the IEP. That means, you can write a goal for how you will help the child overcome that concern. You could also write an accommodation or modification that will address the area of concern (such as sitting a child closer to the teacher to accommodate for attention or hearing problems). Just keep in mind that each area needs to be addressed. You can't just say that something is a problem and then never say what you're going to do about it.

FOR PARENTS: As you are reading your child's IEP, make sure that each area of concern is addressed somewhere in the IEP. I like to take notes when they are going through the Present Level and make a bullet point for each concern. Then, I mark off that concern when they address it in the IEP. At the end of the IEP meeting, if I still have concerns on my list that haven't been marked off, I ask about how they will be addressed.

Step Three: Choose an Area of Concern and Write a Goal

Ok, so now that you know all of the areas you are going to write goals for, you need to sit down and write the goal. Don't stress, I'll help you! Here is a general framework that will help you think about your goals. Maybe you've heard of it, it's called "S.M.A.R.T. Goal-Writing". Every goal you write should be:

Let's break it down:

S pecific: Each goal should specifically state what the child will do. It should be so specific that a substitute could walk in, read the goal, watch the child, and then know exactly if the child can do that skill or not. Your goal should include what the child will do, in what setting he will do it, what accuracy he should do it with, and what kinds of support he should need.

FOR PARENTS: When reading a goal in your child's IEP, make sure that you understand what that skill is. If you don't understand it, ASK!! If you don't understand everything in your child's IEP, you won't be able to help him/her! No one will think you're dumb for asking questions. They are supposed to be writing in language that parents can understand so if you don't understand, then they didn't do their jobs.

M easurable: Each goal should specifically state how the skill will be measured. Make sure that you state not only how data will be collected but exactly what percentage/accuracy will be attained. You should also write this section so a substitute could come in and assess it without you explaining how.

FOR PARENTS: Based on what this goal says, could you collect data on if your child had met this goal if you had the correct materials? If not, ask for the goal-writer to clarify how data will be collected. This is important because if your child moves to a new speech therapist, teacher, or other professional halfway through the IEP cycle (which often happens), you want to make sure that the second person will collect data in the same way that the first person did.

A ttainable: Make sure that the goal you set is something that you reasonably expect that the child will accomplish in the given time frame. I know this can be hard to do if you're doing an evaluation and don't know how quickly the child will progress, but take a good guess. The IEP can (and should) be revised halfway through the IEP cycle if the child is making faster or slower progress than expected.

FOR PARENTS: If the goal seems too hard or too easy, ask when and how progress will be monitored and ask when a revision will happen if the child is making faster or slower progress than expected.

R elevant: The goal should be relevant to each child's individual needs. This means, you can't just use the same goal for everyone on your caseload. Each goal should be customized to what that child needs. Also, the goals should be relevant to the child's educational needs. We can go back to our example of head-stands as a goal that would not be relevant to a child's educational needs.

FOR PARENTS: For each goal, ask this question in your head: "So what?". If you know the answer to why this goal is important or helpful for your child, then it's probably pretty relevant. If not, ask the goal-writer, "How will this goal help my child?". Perhaps you just need an explanation of how learning grammatical markers will help him with his writing or reading assignments.

T ime-Bound: Each goal should explicitly say what time frame it will be achieved in. You can say things like "by the end of the IEP cycle..." or "in one year..." or "by ___ date...". This allows you to specify if this is a goal that will take the child all year to accomplish or if you expect it to be mastered and knocked out of the way early on to leave time for working on harder skills.

FOR PARENTS: If a goal doesn't specifically say when it will be achieved by, ask the goal-writer. You can't just assume that every goal will take the whole year. Sometimes, a goal-writer makes a goal that they only expect to take a few months to master. It is important to know how long it should take so you know if they are on track or not.

The Formula for Writing Goals:

We've talked about all of the things that should be included in an IEP goal, but that's a little wordy, so let's simplify it. Here are the parts of the formula that need to be included in a good IEP goal:

Bam! There it is! Each of those 6 boxes is one thing that you must include in your goal although you can arrange them in any order that you like. Here are the parts written out in case you can't read the graphic:

By _____ (When the child will master the goal by: by the end of the IEP cycle, by a certain date, in six months)

Student will _______ (Write the specific skill that the child will do)

In ______ setting/context (Where will the skill be measured? In the classroom? In the therapy room? In conversational speech? At the sentence level? During peer interactions?)

As measured by ______ (How will progress be measured? With data collection? By teacher report? A language sample? A checklist? A tally sheet?)

With ____ accuracy (How accurate must the child be? Examples: 80% accuracy, in 4 of 5 trials, on 3 of 4 observed opportunities, on 5 consecutive data collection days)

With ____ supports (Can the child have any supports and still be considered to have met the goal? Examples: Independently, with reminders, with verbal prompts, with physical prompts, with partial physical assistance, with visual cues)

Here is an example of how this may look:
By the end of the IEP cycle, Johnny will correctly produce the pronouns "he" and "she" when retelling a story that has just been read aloud in the speech therapy room as measured by data collection with at least 80% accuracy and no more than 2 reminders as needed.
Ok, I know that is quite a mouthful. But when you break it down, it has all of the information we need. These are not designed to be great conversational pieces. They are designed to convey enough information that if you passed your IEP on to another professional, they could pick up with exactly what you were intending to do. And remember, many children change schools or move mid-IEP cycle so that very well could happen to you! If you get a new kiddo, you're going to want his goals to be written like this as well.

Including Baselines:

Some schools and states require that baselines be included in each IEP goal so it is clear where the child started and how far they've come. If you want or need to include baseline, you can add it to the above formula by replacing your "Student will", "supports", and "accuracy" sections with this:
"...student will increase/decrease ______ from a baseline of ____ accuracy with ____ supports to ____accuracy with _____ supports..."
An example goal would look like this:
By the end of the IEP cycle, Johnny will increase correct production of the pronouns "he" and "she" when retelling a story that has just been read aloud in the speech therapy room from a baseline of 57% accuracy with 3 reminders to at least 80% accuracy with no more than 2 reminders as needed.
You also may want to change the location of the goal from your baseline as well. For example, you could say that the child will go from doing a skill in the speech therapy room with 80% accuracy to in the classroom with 80% accuracy.

Step Four: Including Benchmarks:

So what are benchmark goals for? Benchmark goals are "mini" goals that are the steps leading up to a bigger goal. Think of these as the skills that the child will need to learn before he can do the larger goal. For example, if a child is going to answer a variety of "where" questions about a story read aloud, then some benchmark goals may be to answer "where" questions by pointing (where's the ball) and then answer "where" questions verbally about the location of objects immediately present (such as "where is the block? Under the table).

The key here is to include time stamps on when you expect these benchmark goals to be met by. If you do this right, you'll be able to easily see if the child is making adequate progress to meet the overall goal.

Let's take my example above and assume that your school district tracks and updates progress once per trimester. If that were the case, you could write the following goal and benchmark goals to get you there:
Overall Goal: By the end of the IEP cycle, Juliet will independently answer "where" questions about a book that has been read aloud in the therapy room with 80% accuracy as measured by data collection. Benchmark 1: By the end of the first trimester of this IEP cycle, Juliet will independently answer a "where's the ___" question by pointing to the correct object in the therapy room with 80% accuracy as measured by data collection. Benchmark 2: By the end of the second trimester of this IEP cycle, Juliet will independently answer a "where's the ____" question by verbally describing the location of the object in the therapy room with 80% accuracy as measured by data collection.
As you can see, the benchmarks follow the logical progression of skills that the child will need to learn how to answer "where" questions and can easily by measured by you or anyone else looking at the IEP. You'll easily be able to tell at progress-reporting time if she's on track to meet the goal. If she's not, you can modify the IEP accordingly (during a formal IEP meeting!).

How About Some Examples!

Whew! That was a lot to cover. If you would like some examples of this, please click the button below and I will send you my sample goal bank for speech therapists. I do not currently have any goal banks for other professionals as this is a speech therapy website, but hopefully they will give you some ideas that you can work from.
For More Productivity Hacks for Speech Therapists, Click Here!
More Resources for Speech-Language Pathologists:

Looking for more therapy ideas and resources to help you provide the BEST services to your clients? Join us in The SLP Solution, our membership program for speech-language professionals! Inside the membership, you'll find:

Step-By-Step Guides for teaching a variety of speech/language/communication skills

Pre-Made Worksheets and Therapy Activities for hundreds of different topics

Training Videos for dealing with difficult disorders or problems

Answers to Your Questions in our exclusive SLP community

Tools and Resources to help you with your paperwork and admin tasks

Continuing Education through our monthly webinars and webinar recordings

To join us in the full SLP Solution, or to snag a free membership, click on the button below!

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How to Write IEP Goals: A Guide for Parents and Professionals

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Imagine that you show up to an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting, whether you are a parent or a professional, and you see a goal like this: "Bonnie will learn the letters of the alphabet." What would you think? I hope you would think, "What does that even mean??".

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Teacher to Parent - My kid won't do his homework | Opinion | moultrienews.com

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Teacher to Parent - My kid won't do his homework | Opinion | moultrienews.com

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Q. My middle school son won't do his homework. He tells me it's complete, and I find out later it wasn't. I try to keep up with it on the teachers' websites, but he always tells me he finished it in class. Later, I find out he just didn't do it. What can I do to make him do his homework?
A. I have a good method for getting homework out of students with CZS (Chronic Laziness Syndrome). But you must follow it completely.

Step 1: Take away the most important non-living thing in your son's life. If he's like every other breathing teenager, it's his phone. (I'd take away all the screens, but to each his own). Take it and hide it some place where he'll never find it (if he's your typical teen, a bookshelf will do). Tell him he will not get it back until he has passed every single class and completed all of his homework for an entire nine weeks. Don't make the mistake of giving too short a consequence. If you want to break habits, it will require change over time.

Step 2: Every day make him sit at the kitchen table (or somewhere you can see him) with all of his books. Set a timer according to the "10-Minute Rule" (10 minutes of homework for each grade level. If he's in the seventh grade, set it for 70 minutes). Make him work for the entire 70 minutes. If he goes to the bathroom, stop the timer. Keep in mind the following:

If possible, avoid having him do any work on the computer. It's too good of an opportunity for him to turn work time into play time. Have him write all his papers by hand until he gets his act together. If he needs to do any online research, he can do it in the library during his recess period.

He will tell you (probably wrongly) that he does not have 70 minutes of homework to do. It doesn't matter. Tell him he is there for the duration. He will fuss and fume, but eventually books will appear out of thin air as he tries to fill the 70 minutes with something other than staring at the salt shaker. If all else fails, have him read the encyclopedia (if they still make those).

This homework time needn't begin right after school. Kids need snacks and play, so let him go outside and blow off some steam. I would even let him pick when he wants to start the timer (as long as it's reasonable).

Step 3: Stop looking up his homework for him on the websites. Unless you want to be filling out his unemployment forms for him when he's 30, it's time to make him take responsibility for his own learning. Let him write down his assignments in a notebook. If he forgets something, that's a problem for him to solve. If he knows it's going to cost him another Snapchat-less nine weeks, he'll find a way.

I wish I could tell you that nine weeks later, things will be fine, but it's likely they won't be. Teenagers love to test your resolve. The next nine weeks you'll probably have to do it again, but eventually you'll start to see him break old habits and mature right before your very eyes.

Parents sometimes worry that their children will hate them if they enact such draconian measures. If you do it because you love them, they'll understand and love you all the more. Remind them that if you didn't love them, you'd let them do whatever they want (a surefire way to get them to eventually deplore you). But if you don't like my method, then try something else as long as it is clear, consistent, and long-term.

To me, a bigger issue than homework is the fact that your child is lying to you. More distressing is that he's lying to get out of doing a pretty puny amount of work. If you don't change those habits and fast, you're going to have a gigantic mess on your hands for the rest of your life.
Jody Stallings has been an award-winning teacher in Charleston since 1992. He has served as Charleston County Teacher of the Year, Walmart Teacher of the Year, and CEA runner-up for National Educator of the Year. He currently teaches English at Moultrie Middle School and is director of the Charleston Teacher Alliance. Please send your questions to him at JodyLStallings@gmail.com.

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Jody Stallings Special to the Moultrie News

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Teacher to Parent - My kid won't do his homework

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Q. My middle school son won't do his homework. He tells me it's complete, and I find out later it wasn't. I try to keep up with it on the teachers' websites, but he always tells me he finished it in class. Later, I find out he just didn't do it.

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Printable Backpack Checklist for Your Child

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Printable Backpack Checklist for Your Child

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About the Author

Amanda Morin is a parent advocate, a former teacher and the author of The Everything Parent's Guide to Special Education.

Reviewed by

Bob Cunningham, Ed.M., serves as advisor-in-residence on learning and attention issues for Understood.

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About the Author Amanda Morin is a parent advocate, a former teacher and the author of The Everything Parent's Guide to Special Education. Reviewed by Bob Cunningham, Ed.M., serves as advisor-in-residence on learning and attention issues for Understood.

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5 Questions Every Black Parent Needs to Ask Their Child’s Teacher and School

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5 Questions Every Black Parent Needs to Ask Their Child’s Teacher and School

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Charles Cole III is an educator, writer and speaker who focuses particularly on the advancement of young black males. He currently works for the Oakland Unified School District and blogs at One Oakland United. Full profile →

I spent nearly five years at a nonprofit focused on getting students in and through college. Many of the students who entered our program were not on track to graduate high school and required working closely with counselors, parents and principals to ensure they would graduate high school and hopefully continue on to college.

Our goal was not only to ensure students graduate, but also to equip parents with the skill set to continue helping their children in our absence. Like me, many of the children I've worked with over the years have parents that have never attended college or did not graduate. Advocating for your kid can be tough when you're insecure because of your level of education, in addition to coming from a culture of distrust due to an unequal education system.

So here are some questions we encouraged parents to ask teachers and schools to help our students succeed. Keep in mind these are a general set of questions that work regardless of the age and grade. It is also for any governance model of school, meaning it works across traditional public schools, charters schools and private schools. I know the education systems need to improve but I also believe parents should have a full toolkit. Add this to it.

1. What's my child's reading level? This is a critical question because many parents think that school grades correspond with reading levels. They often times do not.

Personally, I go a bit harder on reading because so many of our kids can't read. Many are multiple years behind reading level yet are getting A's and B's in the subject. So asking this question is important. Apply this question to math as well. Know your child's status, go beyond the letter grade.

2. Can we set up a regular time to check-in? This question does something special to everyone involved. For the parent, it empowers you and sets implicit deadlines around student performance. For the teacher, it signifies to them they have an active partner in working with your child. For the child, he or she may act a bit differently knowing pops will be having a conversation with Ms. Johnson on Friday.

I would suggest pushing to meet with counselors/principals as well at about a 1:3 ratio (i.e. if you meet with a teacher monthly, try to meet with the principal quarterly). If the teacher refuses to meet with you, then I'd strongly suggest a conversation with the principal ASAP.

3. What do you see in my child? First off, your kid is a human deserving of love and respect. How can someone truly love and respect your child if they know nothing about your baby? How can someone truly serve your child from a place of love if he or she doesn't see his or her potential?

This question opens up a conversation about your child's humanity. It ensures we start from a place of picturing the best for our children that are often seen as much older and dangerous in the eyes of the world-boys and our girls.

4. What's the goal for this month (or section, quarter, marking period, etc.)? This question was critical when I was advocating for students on behalf of their parents.

One, for many teachers I teamed up with, they were juiced that someone saw and respected the complexity of their work enough to attempt to speak the language. Two, it allowed them to expound on the hopes and goals they have for their students. What it does for you as a parent is allow you to internalize the goals and discuss them at home.

5. What is your discipline policy? The numbers are clear that Black boys and girls get suspended at crazy rates. It's! Crazy! Son! However, broaching the conversation early and often is important so kids acting like kids doesn't become a liability.

Implicit bias can send your baby down a tough road that many of our babies don't recover from. So listen to the policy. Ask questions about the policy. Make yourself available to the teacher and ask the teacher to be available to you because here's the deal, sometimes, teachers are quick on the draw as they are trying to hold a space not just for your child but for every child in the class. Sometimes your child gets targeted unfairly for a variety of reasons. Sometimes your child may just be off the hook in the moment.

All of these things may be true, I don't know and am not claiming to know. However, what I do know is that when a parent and a teacher are working as a team, things can be mitigated much better. There are conversations about what is happening and why.

When there is a relationship, you're shooting the teacher a text when your son had a rough weekend for reason X. When there is a relationship, the teacher is letting you know when your child has been acting out of character. It's a way to create harmony when things are rocky and for most people, there will be rocky times.

When I was working with my students, I got a host of text messages and emails from teachers and parents about these things, and we were able to work with them at a level 2 rather than a level 10. Relationships matter.
An original version of this post appeared on One Oakland United.
This isn't a political piece. What I'm not here for is to discuss charter versus traditional public. I'm not here to discuss testing. I'm here as an advocate that rolled up those sleeves and helped teachers, kids and their families get the education and support they needed.

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5 Questions Every Black Parent Needs to Ask Their Child's Teacher and School

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Charles Cole III is an educator, writer and speaker who focuses particularly on the advancement of young black males. He currently works for the Oakland Unified School District and blogs at One Oakland United. Full profile → I spent nearly five years at a nonprofit focused on getting students in and through college.

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Storyline Online - Where Reading Is Fun!

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Storyline Online - Where Reading Is Fun!

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The SAG-AFTRA Foundation's Daytime Emmy-nominated, Storyline Online, features celebrated actors reading children's books to inspire a love of reading in millions of children worldwide.

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15 Questions to Replace “How Was School Today?” | Edutopia

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15 Questions to Replace “How Was School Today?” | Edutopia

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These questions will help you draw out important information from your kids.

© digitalskillet/Getty Images

How many times have you asked your child, "How was school today?" and been frustrated by the lack of response? As a parent, I'm guilty of asking my son this question all the time, even though I usually don't get much in return.

Sometimes (to be honest), I haven't had the energy for a real conversation. Other times, I just can't think of what to ask. As a teacher, I have often wished that kids would share stories of the awesome things we were doing with their parents, but I couldn't figure out how to make that happen.

Now that my son is in middle school-where communication from teachers is less than it was when he was in elementary school and more stuff is happening at school that I need to be aware of-I've identified a list of questions that draw out important information. I wish that when I was in the classroom I'd been able to offer this list to parents so that they could hear about what we were doing in our class.

The Questions

1. Tell me about a moment today when you felt excited about what you were learning.

2. Tell me about a moment in class when you felt confused.

3. Think about what you learned and did in school today. What's something you'd like to know more about? What's a question you have that came from your learning today?

4. Were there any moments today when you felt worried? When you felt scared?

5. Were there any times today when you felt disrespected by anyone? Tell me about those moments.

6. Were there times today when you felt that one of your classmates demonstrated care for you?

7. Were there any moments today when you felt proud of yourself?

8. Tell me about a conversation you had with a classmate or friend that you enjoyed.

9. What was challenging about your day?

10. What do you appreciate about your day?

11. What did you learn about yourself today?

12. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about that I might be able to help you figure out?

13. Is there anything you're worried about?

14. What are you looking forward to tomorrow?

15. Is there a question you wish I'd ask you about your day?

With slight wording modifications, these questions can work with children of all ages:

Tips for Asking Questions

How and when we ask these questions makes a big difference in the information we receive from our kids. First, you don't want to ask all of these questions on the same day. You might ask one or two. After a while, you'll figure out which ones elicit the most meaningful responses. You'll want to ask during a time when you have the ability to focus so that your child feels they have your full attention. With my child-and in my household-dinner and driving in the car are optimal times for these conversations.

Now these conversations have become routine. My son knows that when we drive to school I'll ask him what he's looking forward to, if there's anything he's worried about, and if there's anything he wants to talk about with me that I might be able to help him figure out.

More Suggestions

Don't interrupt. This is a good rule for any conversation, but especially if you want to get a lot of information out of a kid.

Ask for more. Simply say, "I'd love to hear more about that..." Or, "Can you expand on that a little?"

Ask about feelings. After a child describes an experience, ask, "How did you feel in that moment? What did you notice about your feelings?"

Validate feelings. Whatever your kid feels is normal and okay. Let them know that. Feelings are okay. Tell them this.

Tell them it's not okay for teachers or kids to be unkind or mean. If they tell you a story about a teacher who yelled or disrespected them (regardless of what they said or did) let them know that it's not okay for an adult to treat them that way. Same goes for how they are treated by other children.

Thank them for sharing with you. Always appreciate their honesty and willingness to share the highlights and bright spots, as well as the difficult moments. This will fuel their confidence in telling you more.

The following can help your conversations be positive and powerful:

What questions bring about the most conversation between you and your kids?

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15 Questions to Replace 'How Was School Today?'

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These questions will help you draw out important information from your kids. © digitalskillet/Getty Images How many times have you asked your child, "How was school today?" and been frustrated by the lack of response? As a parent, I'm guilty of asking my son this question all the time, even though I usually don't get much in return.

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Do2Learn: Educational Resources for Special Needs

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Do2Learn: Educational Resources for Special Needs

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Do2Learn began in 1996 through a National Institutes of Health Small Business Innovative Research grant. Our team searches out the most talented and creative teachers and clinicians across the world. These gifted individuals work with our technical experts to transfer their knowledge into formats that we can make available to you.
Since beginning, we have grown into a world-wide resource with over 11 million hits a month. While based in North Carolina, approximately half of our users are from outside of the U.S. Thousands of sites link to us and we can be easily found on most search engines using topics such as 'picture cards', 'facial expressions', and 'job tips'. We hope you find our resources helpful and pass on our link to others.
We believe that simply telling busy teachers, parents, and professionals what they should be doing is not enough. If we explain how to devise a visual communication system using picture cards, we provide free cards to get you started.

When we present the Teacher Toolbox on how to adapt a classroom for children with special needs, we provide resources for behavior management plans, literacy tools, and the materials to create everything in your classroom.

Our approach is to use the latest technology and expert guidance to create innovative and usable solutions.

Learn about DiagnoseFirst, our newest project to help teachers and clinicians recognize the symptoms of ASD.

Pre-employment screening assessments are online or paper tests that some companies require applicants to complete during the application process. Read more about JobTIPS Student Version!

JobTIPS Toolbox PRO is filled with resources to help you coach your students through the challenges of assessing their skills, finding and applying for jobs, and practicing the social skills needed to do well in the workplace.

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picture exchange communication system cards

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Do2Learn: Educational Resources for Special Needs

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Do2Learn began in 1996 through a National Institutes of Health Small Business Innovative Research grant. Our team searches out the most talented and creative teachers and clinicians across the world. These gifted individuals work with our technical experts to transfer their knowledge into formats that we can make available to you.

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When You Should Put Your Kids To Bed - Simplemost

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When You Should Put Your Kids To Bed - Simplemost

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One question we've always struggled with is what time we should get our little ones to bed. Go to bed too early, and they goof off, get hyper and never get to sleep. Go to bed too late, and we've got grumpy tired kids who can barely make it through the day.

Both my wife and I work, so we want to maximize the time we get to spend with the littles. But we also want to make sure they're getting the proper amount of sleep so they remain focused and energized for school. We're definitely not alone.

RELATED: This Is The Best Temperature To Get A Good Night's Sleep

Luckily, Wilson Elementary School in Kenosha, Wisconsin has provided a little chart to help parents out. The chart is based on age and usual wake-up time.

For example, if you have a 5-year-old who has to wake up at 6:15 a.m., she should go to bed at 7:00 p.m. A 10-year-old who gets up at 6:15 could stay up until 8:15 p.m, however. This lines up with American Academy of Pediatrics' sleep recommendations for kids, which say that kids ages 3-5 should get 10-13 hours of sleep whereas kids 6-12 are OK with 9-12.

This chart has been shared on Facebook over 400,000 times-and for good reason. We know getting enough rest is vital to our kids' health, and one study found that putting kids to bed early can even make for a happier family overall.

RELATED: Mom Comes Up With Genius Way To Make Her Internet-Obsessed Kids Do Their Chores

What do you think? What time do you get your kids to bed?
Do you have trouble getting your kids to bed? Here's some great tips:

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This Chart Shows You When You Should Put Your Kids To Bed

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One question we've always struggled with is what time we should get our little ones to bed. Go to bed too early, and they goof off, get hyper and never get to sleep.

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Why are so many (smart!) kids missing this social skill? – Kinstantly

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Why are so many (smart!) kids missing this social skill? – Kinstantly

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This Pediatrician is Begging You to Read This—and Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse

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This Pediatrician is Begging You to Read This—and Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse

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Yesterday, a good friend of mine shared a Facebook post by one of her friends, who happens to be a pediatrician. The post was on something that should be of interest to ALL parents: child sexual abuse; specifically, when it happens, where it happens, and WHO victimizes our kids and how to talk to your kids about it and PREVENT it.

I was immediately moved by the excellence of this information and asked if I could re-publish it here. The author, Dr. Tobi Adeyeye Amosun, replied: PLEASE republish this. Her invaluable post is below, and I urge you moms and dads: take it to heart. Follow the good doctor's advice and talk with your kids, too.

***

Without going into graphic details, I probably get about 1-2 kids a month in my office who have been sexually abused or molested. I will address each of the things that I mentioned above in light of the most common scenarios I've seen.

1. The location of an incident [of sexual abuse] is likely to be at a place where you are familiar.

Places where I've heard of this happening: known family members and friends are far and away the most common. Perpetrators ages ranging from young teens to adults. It is almost always a male cousin, known neighbor, friend's older brother/cousin, babysitter, father/stepfather, uncle or mom's boyfriend. Occasionally it is a female, but that's rare unless she is grooming the kids to have access to someone else. Church youth group is the number two location, usually because there is less supervision. School, camp and sports are the other locations, but less likely unless there are kids allowed to be alone with teachers and coaches. Ask the schools and coaches and churches what their safety plans are to protect kids. It's never perfect, but I feel at least they know there are aware parents and it helps keep everyone accountable.

2. Slumber parties: I wanted to address this separately because of it being a sensitive subject.

My daughter is allowed to go to a select few friends' homes (like five families) for sleepovers. Never parents that I don't know extremely well, which means she doesn't get to sleep over at school friends' homes. Never large groups of kids, where one kid being separated might not be noticed. That said, I can't tell you how many times patients tell me the first time they were touched inappropriately or the first time they saw pornography was during a sleepover. I only get one chance to raise my kids and I'd rather be a mean parent who is no fun than have the other possibility.

3. Please use appropriate anatomical terms for body parts.

Eyes are eyes, knees are knees and penises are penises (proceed with the pearl clutching). Don't use cutesy names or vague names like booty or wee wee or cookie or treasure. It confuses the matter in case something needs to be reported. It also destigmatizes those body parts.

4. "Safe touch" vs. "bad touch": make sure kids know which is which.

Safe touches I usually teach are the ones that are in areas not covered by your bathing suit, like shoulders, head and feet. Safe touches are also those that make you feel calm and safe, like a hug from your mom. Bad touches are those in the areas that are covered up by underwear. They are also the ones that make you feel nervous, scared or worried. If a bigger person is touching you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, that is a bad touch. Always tell your parents or other adult about bad touches. And let kids know there should never be secrets between kids and adults and that they will NEVER get in trouble for telling someone.

5. "Stranger danger" is a fallacy.

The vast majority of the time someone who molests a child is known to the family. Beware of so-called "grooming behaviors". This is usually from an adult male (or female) who ingratiates themselves to the child and family to lower their defenses. Usually they will try to establish a trusting relationship with the family and seek opportunities to be alone with kids. They do this so that any accusations from the child will seem made up. This has happened in almost every situation I have seen.

6. Be aware of what kids are looking at on smartphones and tablets.

Especially from their friends whose parents may not monitor things so closely. I usually tell parents at every preteen and above well check that as long as they are paying for the phone and the kid is under 18, it is their responsibility to monitor their child's activities in social media, texting, etc. There are so many really clever ways for kids to hide their activity online and parents are almost always behind the 8 ball on this.

7. Most importantly, trust your gut.

If someone seems a little off or a little too nice to your kids, trust yourself and keep your kids out of any situations where they would be alone with that person. We have all been in situations where you just want to be polite, even when someone is giving you the heebie jeebies. There is a great book called "The Gift of Fear" that talks about people forgetting to trust their intuition in potentially dangerous situations and why there are times when you need to listen to that spirit of discernment.

I don't lock my kids up and throw away the key, as much as I would love to protect them forever. But these are hopefully some practical tips as a mom and pediatrician to make your kids feel safe and to highlight some potentially dangerous situations. By the way, we start this conversation around 3 or 4 years old in our house.

***

Thank you SO MUCH, Dr. Amosun, for sharing this priceless insight with us!

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This Pediatrician is Begging You to Read This-and Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse

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Yesterday, a good friend of mine shared a Facebook post by one of her friends, who happens to be a pediatrician. The post was on something that should be of interest to ALL parents: child sexual abuse; specifically, when it happens, where it happens, and WHO victimizes our kids and how to talk to your kids about it and PREVENT it.

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Bullying behavior among kids from elementary, middle and high school has expanded beyond what parents and teachers may have experienced in their youth. Teasing and name calling have grown into...

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Anger Management: 23 Free Calming Strategy Cards

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Anger Management: 23 Free Calming Strategy Cards

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Anger is a complex and difficult emotion for young children to deal with so having an awareness of anger management as an adult can really help. We need to help children learn how to recognise, talk about and manage their anger: not while they're angry, but while they're calm and happy in order to give them tools they can put to use when they really need them.
These free cards are available in Brazilian-Portuguese, Dutch, English, Estonian, Finnish, French, German, Icelandic, Romanian, Spanish and Swedish.
What works?

There is no 'one right solution' for anger management in children, as what works for one child may not work for another. That's why learning how to calm themselves may be quite a long-term project, it takes time to try different methods and ideas.

Also, the level of anger may change the effectiveness of a strategy. For example, if they are just a little angry stopping for a cool drink might be effective, but if it's a full-blown tantrum this might mean the drink is thrown across the room and they may manage better with a small, quiet, private space where they can talk to or cry with their favourite teddy.

3 simple steps toward anger management

In order to deal with anger it's important for children to learn to differentiate between their own varying emotions, and the intensity of their feelings. Pop over to 10 Activities and 10 You Tube Songs to Explore Emotions for a good roundup of ideas. It's one of the most popular posts on this site. If you'd like to use an emotions song based on 5 Little Ducks there's a free video and lyrics sheet you can download here.

The level of intensity is also important. Children need to learn to recognise their own anger as it's building to give them time to implement a strategy and calm themselves. Many suggest using an emotional thermometer. I have included a copy of this graphic in with the calming strategy cards download in case you find it helpful and would like to use it.

2. Teach calming strategies

During periods when your child is calm spend time reading about and talking about anger and other emotions, the effects they have and how we can learn ways to prevent ourselves from becoming really angry.

3. Practice, practice, practice

It's great to practice these strategies while your child is calm or in a good mood, but it's most important to actually see if they help during periods of mild to acute anger. What sounds like a good idea when you're happy, may not work so well when temper rises. Be prepared to try different methods over a long period till you find a couple of strategies that seem to be the most effective for you.

Using these calming strategies cards

talk to children about feelings of anger and different options that are available for cooling down

prompt children to decide what strategies might suit them best, or what they'd like to try first

remind or encourage angry children to make use of their chosen strategies

remember: you or your child might think of other methods you'd like to try that aren't included here!

After your child has decided what strategies they'd like to try, put those strategy cards somewhere nearby for an emergency reminder. If you have another strategy you want to use, write it on one of the spare blank cards and draw a related picture as a prompt.

Download here

Download these English 23 free calming strategy cards HERE.

Brazilian-Portuguese: Thanks go to clinical psychologist Mariana Rebello for this translation.
You can connect with Mariana on her website here.

Dutch: Thanks go to Hilde Van Den Eeckhaut for this translation.

Estonian: Thanks go to Riinika for this translation.

Finnish: Thanks go to Sanna Hemnell for this translation.

French: Thanks go to Cécile Delrieu for this translation.
You can request to join Cécile' s facebook group here.

German: Thanks go to Bettina Markones for this translation.

Icelandic: Thanks go to Linda Ósk Sigurðardóttir for this translation.

Romanian: Thanks go to Ana-Caterina Bedivan for this translation.

Spanish: Thanks go to Marina Griñón for this translation. LARGE SPANISH PACK.

Swedish: Thanks go to Sanna Hemnell (again!) for this translation.

How to calm an angry child

Pop over to this anger management post for more ideas on calming angry children. It's from The Early Childhood Research Podcast so you can listen to the post if you prefer it to reading!

Looking for black and white cards? Or more variety?

You can find 185 Calming Strategy Cards in both colour and black and white in my TpT store. You can find the SPANISH VERSION HERE!

What methods do you find effective to help kids calm themselves? Let us know in the comments!

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Anger Management: 23 Free Calming Strategy Cards

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Anger is a complex and difficult emotion for young children to deal with so having an awareness of anger management as an adult can really help. We need to help children learn how to recognise, talk about and manage their anger: not while they're angry, but while they're calm and happy in order to give them tools they can put to use when they really need them.

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What to know about your kids' new favorite websites - CNN.com

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What to know about your kids' new favorite websites - CNN.com

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You don't need to know the ins and outs of all the apps, sites, and terms that are "hot" right now (and frankly, if you did, they wouldn't be trendy anymore). But knowing the basics -- what they are, why they're popular, and what problems can crop up when they're not used responsibly -- can make the difference between a positive and a negative experience for your kid.

Below, we've laid out some of the most popular types of apps and websites for teens: texting, micro-blogging, self-destructing/secret, and chatting/meeting/dating. The more you know about each, the better you'll be able to communicate with your teen about safe choices.

Texting apps

Kik Messenger is an app that lets kids text for free. It's fast and has no message limits, character limits, or fees if you only use the basic features. Because it's an app, the texts won't show up on your kid's phone's messaging service, and you're not charged for them (beyond standard data rates).
What parents need to know
ooVoo is a free video, voice, and messaging app. Users can have group chats with up to 12 people for free -- and it's common for kids to log on after school and keep it open while doing homework. Maybe they're using it for group study sessions?
What parents need to know
WhatsApp lets users send text messages, audio messages, videos, and photos to one or many people with no message limits or fees.
What parents need to know
Microblogging apps and sites

Instagram lets users snap, edit, and share photos and 15-second videos, either publicly or with a private network of followers. It unites the most popular features of social media sites: sharing, seeing, and commenting on photos. It also lets you apply fun filters and effects to your photos, making them look high-quality and artistic.
What parents need to know
Tumblr is like a cross between a blog and Twitter: It's a streaming scrapbook of text, photos, and/or videos and audio clips. Users create and follow short blogs, or "tumblogs," that can be seen by anyone online (if made public). Many teens have tumblogs for personal use: sharing photos, videos, musings, and things they find funny with their friends.
What parents need to know
Twitter is a microblogging tool that allows users to post brief, 140-character messages -- called "tweets" -- and follow other users' activities. It's not only for adults; teens like using it to share tidbits and keep up with news and celebrities.
What parents need to know
Vine is a social media app that lets users post and watch looping six-second video clips. This Twitter-owned service has developed a unique community of people who post videos that are often creative, funny, and sometimes thought-provoking. Teens usually use Vine to create and share silly videos of themselves and/or their friends and families.
What parents need to know
Live-streaming video apps

YouNow: Broadcast, Chat, and Watch Live Video is an app that lets kids stream and watch live broadcasts. As they watch, they can comment or buy gold bars to give to other users. Ultimately, the goal is to get lots of viewers, start trending, and grow your fan base. Note that there are other apps like this that are less popular with teens such as Periscope, but Facebook has just included live-streaming as a feature, so expect to see more and more personal broadcasting.
What parents need to know
Self-destructing/secret apps

Burn Note is a messaging app that erases messages after a set period of time. Unlike many other apps of this sort, it limits itself to text messages; users cannot send pictures or video. That may reduce issues such as sexting -- but words can hurt, too.
What parents need to know
Snapchat is a messaging app that lets users put a time limit on the pictures and videos they send before they disappear. Most teens use the app to share goofy or embarrassing photos without the risk of them going public. However, there are lots of opportunities to use it in other ways.
What parents need to know
Whisper is a social "confessional" app that allows users to post whatever's on their minds, paired with an image. With all the emotions running through teens, anonymous outlets give them the freedom to share their feelings without fear of judgment.
What parents need to know
Yik Yak is a free social-networking app that lets users post brief, Twitter-like comments to the 500 geographically nearest Yik Yak users. Kids can find out opinions, secrets, rumors, and more. Plus, they'll get the bonus thrill of knowing all these have come from a 1.5-mile radius (maybe even from the kids at the desks in front of them!).
What parents need to know
Chatting, meeting, dating apps and sites

MeetMe: Chat and Meet New People -- the name says it all. Although not marketed as a dating app, MeetMe does have a "Match" feature whereby users can "secretly admire" others, and its large user base means fast-paced communication and guaranteed attention.
What parents need to know
Omegle is a chat site (and app) that puts two strangers together in their choice of a text chat or a video chat room. Being anonymous can be very attractive to teens, and Omegle provides a no-fuss opportunity to make connections. Its "interest boxes" also let users filter potential chat partners by shared interests.
What parents need to know
Skout is a flirting app that allows users to sign up as teens or adults. They're then placed in the appropriate peer group, where they can post to a feed, comment on others' posts, add pictures, and chat. They'll get notifications when other users near their geographic area join, and they can search other areas by cashing in points. They receive notifications when someone "checks" them out but must pay points to see who it is.
What parents need to know
Tinder is a photo and messaging dating app for browsing pictures of potential matches within a certain-mile radius of the user's location. It's very popular with 20-somethings as a way to meet new people for casual or long-term relationships.
What parents need to know
The bottom line for most of these tools? If teens are using them respectfully, appropriately, and with a little parental guidance, they should be fine. Take inventory of your kids' apps and review the best practices.

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what to know about your kids' new favorite websites - cnn.com

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What to know about your kids' new favorite websites

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You don't need to know the ins and outs of all the apps, sites, and terms that are "hot" right now (and frankly, if you did, they wouldn't be trendy anymore). But knowing the basics -- what they are, why they're popular, and what problems can crop up when they're not used responsibly -- can make the difference between a positive and a negative experience for your kid.

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These 10 Phrases Can Help Calm An Angry Child - Simplemost

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These 10 Phrases Can Help Calm An Angry Child - Simplemost

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Tantrums are tough on kids. Keeping emotions in check as the bonafide grownup can be even tougher. Fits of rage can make a child seem crazy, like head-spinning crazy and downright possessed. An angry child can send even the most zen parent down a deep dark hole of frustration.

Looking in that scary mommy mirror, I am 100 percent guilty of joining the crazy rather than being a port in the storm. But, there is help! Renee Jain, MAPP at PsychCentral offers some great suggestions following a 'say this, not that' guide.

It boils down to validating your child's feelings, giving them space to communicate and ultimately helping them feel safe. This can be almost impossible when you are drowning in irrational soup, but kids need to know their feelings matter. With some simple tweaks, I'm looking forward to a calmer future and maybe you can, too.

Try these 10phrases next time you are dealing with an angry child:

1. Instead of: Stop throwing things!
Try this: When you throw your toys, I think you don't like playing with them. Is that what's going on?

2. Instead of: Big kids don't do this!
Try this: Big kids and even grown-ups sometimes have big feelings. It's OK, these feeling will pass.

3. Instead of: Don't you dare hit!
Try this: It's OK to be angry, but I won't let you hit. We need to keep everyone safe.

4. Instead of: You're being so difficult!
Try this: This is a tough one, huh? We're going to figure this out together.

5. Instead of: That's it, you're getting a time out!
Try this: Let's go to our calm down space together.

6. Instead of: Brush your teeth right now!
Try this: Do you want to brush Elmo's teeth first or yours?

7. Instead of: Eat your food or you will go to bed hungry!
Try this: What can we do to make this food yummy?

8. Instead of: Your room is disgusting! You are grounded unless this gets clean.
Try this: How about we just start cleaning this itty-bitty corner of your room? I'll give you a hand.

9. Instead of: We. Are. LEAVING!
Try this: What do you need to do to be ready to leave?

10. Instead of: Stop whining!
Try this: How about a quick "do over" in your normal voice?
What do you think? Test these out and share your experience on our Facebook page.
And read 16 more helpful phrases to calm an angry child on PsychCentral.

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These 10 Phrases Can Help Calm An Angry Child

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Tantrums are tough on kids. Keeping emotions in check as the bonafide grownup can be even tougher. Fits of rage can make a child seem crazy, like head-spinning crazy and downright possessed. An angry child can send even the most zen parent down a deep dark hole of frustration.

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ADHD and Lying | Why Some Kids With ADHD Frequently Lie and How to Stop It - Understood

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ADHD and Lying | Why Some Kids With ADHD Frequently Lie and How to Stop It - Understood

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Most kids lie or avoid telling the truth on occasion. But if your child has ADHD, you might find yourself often asking him, "Why are you lying again?" If that's the case, you're not alone.

Not all kids with ADHD tell frequent lies. In fact, some are impulsively honest, which can create its own problems. But for those who do lie, it can quickly become a habit.

When kids with ADHD consistently lie, it's usually not about big things like stealing or cheating. (Although they may occasionally do that too, just like other kids.) Instead, they may lie about everyday things like chores and work.

This type of lying isn't about defiance. It's about having trouble coping with challenges. Here's what you need to know about ADHD and frequent lying.

Lying as a Coping Mechanism for Kids With ADHD

How does telling a lie help a child cope with difficulties? Usually, it doesn't. This behavior is what experts call "maladaptive coping." And the child may not even realize he's doing it.

Picture this common scenario: You send your child to clean up his room. After an hour you call out and ask if his room is clean. He says yes. But when you go to check, the room's still a mess, and he's on his unmade bed reading.

This isn't the first time he's said he's done something when he hasn't. So you get angry and frustrated that it's happened again. Why would he say something that was so obviously not true, and risk getting in trouble? Especially for something as simple as cleaning up?

But that's the issue: The task of cleaning up isn't simple for him. His difficulties with starting tasks and planning them out makes it hard for him to do what you've asked. And rather than face those difficulties or ask for help, he does nothing.

Lying takes away the pressure of having to figure out how to clean his room. And that's worth getting in trouble for, especially if he's used to it.

The Role of Executive Functioning Issues in Lying

There can be a number of factors behind why some kids with ADHD often lie about everyday things. Many are related to weaknesses in executive functions. Kids may have difficulty with:

Connecting the now to the future

Thinking of, or remembering, consequences

Organization and time management

Understanding how they got to the place of lying to begin with

Understanding that it's the lying that got them in trouble (not what they lied about)

Knowing how to fix the original problem behind the lie

Also, some kids with ADHD can be unrealistically optimistic. They may think everything will just fall into place on its own.

Responding When Your Child With ADHD Lies

Repeated lying can sometimes make parents view their child as dishonest. But knowing that he's reacting to a challenge can help you see him in a different light. It can also help you find ways to reduce this behavior.

Here are some constructive ways to help your child stop lying.

Anticipate where he might struggle and give help. If your child struggles with sequencing tasks like setting the table, give him a list of steps. Look for patterns in when he lies to figure out where there may be trouble spots.

Don't take his lying personally. Try to remember that he's not trying to defy or disrespect you. Focus on what led to the lie rather than the lie itself.

Avoid creating situations where lying is an option. If he's supposed to finish his homework before watching TV, don't ask if he did it. Go check. And if he didn't, tell him to turn off the TV and finish his work.

Remove the shame of lying. Don't excuse the lie, but show your child you understand how he came to do it. You might say, "It sounds like you were struggling. Let's figure out how you got to this place to begin with. Then let's figure out how to get you back on track."

Help him make connections. Talk about what happened and help him recognize what went wrong. That includes what happened when he lied. Then help him brainstorm ways to handle things differently next time.

It's important to help your child break the cycle of lying and getting into trouble. Having that ongoing negative experience can take a toll on your child's self-esteem. It can also impact his motivation to keep trying. You can help avoid that by focusing on his strengths and giving him helpful types of praise when he does positive things.

Read more ways to help your grade-schooler with ADHD stop lying. And find out how to respond if you have a teen with ADHD who frequently lies.

You can also learn about the relationship between ADHD and other behaviors and emotions, including:

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Most kids lie or avoid telling the truth on occasion. But if your child has ADHD, you might find yourself often asking him, "Why are you lying again?" If that's the case, you're not alone. Not all kids with ADHD tell frequent lies.

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The Difference Between Tantrums and Sensory Meltdowns - Understood

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The Difference Between Tantrums and Sensory Meltdowns - Understood

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Many people think the words "tantrum" and "meltdown" mean the same thing. And they can look very similar when you see a child in the middle of having one. But for kids who have sensory processing issues or who lack self-control, a meltdown is very different from a tantrum. Knowing the differences can help you learn how to respond in a way that better supports your child.

What a Tantrum Is

A tantrum is an outburst that happens when a child is trying to get something he wants or needs. Some kids with learning and attention issues are more prone to tantrums. For instance, some can be impulsive and have trouble keeping their emotions in check. They may get angry or frustrated quickly.

A child may have a tantrum if he didn't get to go first in a game of kickball. Or he might get upset when you pay attention to his sister and he wants your attention. Yelling, crying or lashing out isn't an appropriate way for him to express his feelings, but he's doing it for a reason. And he has some control over his behavior.

Your child may even stop in the middle of a tantrum to make sure you're looking at him. When he sees that you're watching him, he may pick up where he left off. His tantrum is likely to stop when he gets what he wants-or when he realizes he won't get what he wants by acting out.

What a Sensory Meltdown Is

A meltdown is a reaction to feeling overwhelmed.

For some kids, it happens when there's too much sensory information to process. The commotion of an amusement park might set them off, for instance. For other kids, it can be a reaction to having too many things to think about. A back-to-school shopping trip could cause a tantrum that triggers a meltdown.

Here's one way to think about too much sensory input. Imagine filling a small water pitcher. Most of the time, you can control the flow of water and fill the pitcher a little at a time. But sometimes the water flow is too strong and the pitcher overflows before you can turn the water off.

That's how a sensory meltdown works. The noise at the amusement park or the stack of clothes to try on in the dressing room at the mall is sensory input that floods your child's brain. Once that happens, some experts think your child's fight-or-flight response kicks in. That excess input overflows in the form of yelling, crying, lashing out or running away.

Different Strategies for Tantrums and Meltdowns

The causes of tantrums and meltdowns are different, and so are the strategies that can help stop them. It's important to remember that the key difference between the two types of outbursts is that tantrums usually have a purpose. Kids are looking for a certain response. Meltdowns are a reaction to something and are usually beyond a child's control.

A child can often stop a tantrum if he gets what he wants. Or if he's rewarded for using a more appropriate behavior. But a meltdown isn't likely to stop when a child gets what he wants. In fact, he may not even know what he wants.

Meltdowns tend to end in one of two ways. One is fatigue-kids wear themselves out. The other way a change in the amount of sensory input. This can help kids feel less overwhelmed. For example, your child may start to feel calmer when you step outside the store and leave the mall.

So how can you handle tantrums and meltdowns differently?

To tame tantrums, acknowledge what your child needs without giving in. Make it clear that you understand what he's after. "I see that you want my attention. When your sister is done talking, it'll be your turn." Then help him see there's a more appropriate behavior that will work. "When you're done yelling, tell me calmly that you're ready for my time."

To manage a meltdown, help your child find a safe, quiet place to de-escalate. "Let's leave the mall and sit in the car for a few minutes." Then provide a calm, reassuring presence without talking too much to your child. The goal is to reduce the input coming at him.

Knowing the difference between tantrums and meltdowns is the key to helping your child through them. It may also help to get a better idea of the kinds of situations that can be challenging for your child. You can also explore tips on how to deal with noise and other sensitivities.

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The Difference Between Tantrums and Sensory Meltdowns

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Many people think the words "tantrum" and "meltdown" mean the same thing. And they can look very similar when you see a child in the middle of having one. But for kids who have sensory processing issues or who lack self-control, a meltdown is very different from a tantrum.

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My Daughter Has Started Cutting. What Should I Do? | Teens & Transition | For Parents

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My Daughter Has Started Cutting. What Should I Do? | Teens & Transition | For Parents

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How To Make A Bully (from Scratch) - YouTube

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How To Make A Bully (from Scratch) - YouTube

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Bullying Prevention: A Classroom Discussion on Vimeo

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Bullying Prevention: A Classroom Discussion on Vimeo

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Bullying Prevention: A Classroom Discussion

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Students are often left out of the conversation when it comes to bullying prevention. This short video gives students the opportunity to discuss what they think bullying is, compare it to local and state definitions, and more importantly talk about what they can do to prevent and respond to bullying, in addition to sharing how they would like students to treat each other at their school.

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The Right Level of Self-Esteem for a Child - WSJ

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The Right Level of Self-Esteem for a Child - WSJ

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Transitioning to Kindergarten | NAEYC For Families

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Transitioning to Kindergarten | NAEYC For Families

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You do not need to drill your child with letters, numbers, and facts, before school starts. But there are some things you can do to prepare both you and your child for kindergarten. Here are some ideas.

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While lessons from books are great, children learn through play far better than they do in many other forms. There are several reasons for this. When learning is viewed as fun, children are much more willing to participate. They want to jump in and have a good time.

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The Right Level of Self-Esteem for a Child - WSJ

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The Right Level of Self-Esteem for a Child - WSJ

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There's no question that divorce is awful for kids. Many divorcing parents are surprised, though, when they realize how much control they have over the way their children live through their divorce.This page is about dealing with minor children. If your children are adults, there's a special page about that called When the "Kids" Aren't Kids.
Basic Pointers
Basic Pointers

There's actually a good bit you can do to make your children's lives easier while you go through divorce:

1. Be available to listen.

2. To the extent possible, tell your children why you are divorcing. And if at all possible, no matter how painful, try to tell them when the whole family (including both spouses and all children) is together.

3. Be yourself. You can't be both parents.

4. Reassure your children early and often that your divorce is not their fault.

5. Don't use the child as a messenger in parental communications, as in "Tell your father he's late with the child support payment."

6. Don't argue or fight with your spouse while the child is listening. Experts say the amount of conflict the child witnesses during and immediately after divorce is a crucial factor in his or her adjustment.

7. Divorce is a time of great change for both of you and for your children. Try to minimize these changes. For example, try to keep them in the same school and home if possible, as well as the same afternoon and evening activities.

8. Try to use consistent discipline. For example, try to agree with each other about what movies or TV programs are permitted, what bedtime is appropriate, what language is permitted, etc.

9. Don't use the child as a weapon. Children need quality time with both parents. It's unfair to restrict their access to one of their parents, no matter how willing the children may seem at the time.

10. Don't use the child as a spy. If they want to tell you about time spent with their other parent (and they usually don't), listen closely and politely, and then stop. If they don't volunteer any information, try simply, "Have a good time? Good."

11. Don't make your children take sides in any dispute with your spouse. Children generally want to make both their parents happy. Don't make them choose.

12. Don't criticize your spouse in front of the child. Remember that your spouse is still your child's parent; when you criticize your spouse, whether you mean to or not, you're also criticizing your child indirectly.

13. Let your child be a child. It's easy, but wrong, to make your adolescent child, or even your adult child, a confidant in dealing with your recovery, your dating life, or your fears. Even if children seem capable of handling these concerns without ill effects, they rarely are.

14. Don't be afraid to get outside help. Sometimes children of divorcing parents are angry or scared, and they don't know how to deal with their feelings. So they "act out," meaning they misbehave. When your children "act out," a professional counselor or therapist may be helpful to coach them through more constructive ways of expressing their feelings.

15. Keep your promises. Another way to put this is, don't make promises you don't know you can keep. Consistently keeping your promises lets your child know that he or she can trust you, which will help him or her adjust to your divorce more easily. Divorcing parents often make unrealistic promises out of guilt. If you've made a promise and realize later you can't keep it, acknowledge it to your child. You may think he or she has forgotten about the promise, but this rarely happens.

16. Don't give up. Even if you're separated by distance, there are all kinds of things you can do to be a good parent.

17. Take care of yourself. One of the easiest mistakes to make in divorce is to get so busy dealing with everyone else's pain that you forget to get help for yourself. Enter counseling, meet with your minister or rabbi, talk to your plants, anything you can think of to keep your own sanity. You owe it to yourself, and you owe it to your kids.

18. Maintain relationships and routines. One of the many reasons divorce is so painful for children is that their relationship with each parent is constantly being tested and redefined. One of the gifts you can give your children is to allow as many parts of their life as possible to remain unchanged. Like relationships with grandparents, aunts and uncles, neighbors and friends. Like bedtimes, bunny rabbits, and bananas.

Anger

The Problem

Children whose parents are divorcing have a great deal to be angry about. Just about every child going through divorce is an angry child. There may be exceptions, but not many.

Don't take comfort that your child seems to be adjusting to your divorce without anger. Many children who portray a calm, even cheerful demeanor through divorce are seething inside, and they may later express their anger in destructive ways, like depression (the mental health professionals call this "anger turned inward"), substance abuse, and/or delinquency. In addition, repressed anger often shows up disguised as sickness, for example, headaches, sleeplessness, nausea, and diarrhea.

What to Do

Figure out ways that both you and your children can better understand anger. The first principle both of you need to understand is that anger as a feeling is normal, appropriate, and healthy. Neither you nor your child should attempt to suppress angry feelings. What both of you must do is to develop healthy ways of dealing with anger as behavior so that it doesn't harm persons or property.

All of us can benefit from talking about our feelings more, particularly angry children. The problem with this for you is that it takes really tough skin.

Can you listen to your own child say "I'm angry with you" or "I hate you" without feeling a need to defend yourself?

Can you listen to your own child say "I hate Daddy (Mommy) without jumping in to agree or disagree?

Can you hear your child talk about how miserable he or she is without jumping in to fix it?

If so, good. If not, get your child with someone who can.The need to deal with anger constructively is particularly critical with absent fathers. This means that mothers must allow (sometimes force) access with fathers, and fathers must allow children to express their anger directly. If you're an absent father, try to model for your child the constructive expression of anger by talking about your own anger (but not your anger toward your child's mother) openly and honestly.

Anxiety

The Problem

We all worry. Worry is normal and sometimes healthy. When fears continue over several days or weeks, however, or when they interfere with our ability to carry out normal routines, we may need help to deal with them. Children of divorcing parents often struggle with anxiety.

Anxiety comes about through feelings of abandonment, changes in living conditions, embarrassment, guilt, concern about additional separations, and a haunting fear of additional unknown trouble that must be lurking somewhere in the future.

Some of the physical symptoms of continuing anxiety are nausea, diarrhea, headaches, and dizziness, as well as (particularly in younger children) thumb-sucking and bed-wetting. Children suffering from anxiety often become demanding or clingy, and they may pull back from pre-existing friendships with their peers.

What to Do

First, deal with your own perfectly normal feelings of anxiety with someone other than your child. Your child has enough problems to deal with without having to serve as your counselor or confidant. Don't be afraid to ask your child to tell you about his or her fears,and be willing to listen to them - all of them.

Be willing to hear and respond to the same fear over and over. Just because you've explained before why you and the child are not going to have to leave this school district doesn't mean the fear isn't still there. Your child may need to express it again and hear your explanation again.

As you listen to your child, be realistic in responding to the fears he or she expresses. If the fear is that Mommy never will come back, and you honestly don't know whether Mommy will ever come back, you need to say so. By the same token, of course, whenever you can offer reassurance that a fear will not come true, do so, patiently, logically, and thoroughly.

Do whatever you can, within the constraints of the divorce itself, to give your child a stable environment. Your child is under siege from all the changes in his or her life. Anything you can do to minimize those changes, especially in the critical first few months after your separation, will ease your child's anxiety.

Resources

By far the most comprehensive resource out there is the web site Uptoparents.org. It's completely free (funded by a private foundation). The resources and exercises available there are simply the best I've found anywhere.

If you and your spouse are uncertain or if you disagree about your parenting plan, you may want for both of you to till out the list of Custody Questions available here. It's a good way to begin to wrestle with the options available to the two of you in parenting your children.

Here are some other pages about children here on Divorceinfo.com:

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Getting Your Children Through Your Divorce

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There's no question that divorce is awful for kids. Many divorcing parents are surprised, though, when they realize how much control they have over the way their children live through their divorce.This page is about dealing with minor children. If your children are adults, there's a special page about that called When the "Kids" Aren't Kids.

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Both individual and organization members are important to the collective impact of The Children's Movement of California. No matter how you sign up, you'll get all the Movement has to offer. But if you can, please join as an organization.

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Parents Do Influence Teen Use of Illicit Substances | Psych Central News

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Parents Do Influence Teen Use of Illicit Substances | Psych Central News

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A new report finds that more than 20 percent of parents believe - perhaps wrongly - that they have little influence on whether or not their teen uses drugs, tobacco or alcohol.

In fact, studies have shown that teens do listen to parents; substance use is significantly lower among teens whose believe their parents strongly disapprove of substance use.

The report by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) discovered one in 10 parents said they did not talk to their teens about the dangers of using tobacco, alcohol, or other drugs.

That is despite the fact that 68 percent of these parents who had not spoken to their children thought they would influence whether their child uses drugs if they spoke to them.

Despite the significant pessimism, a national survey of teens ages 12 to 17 shows that that teens who believe their parents would strongly disapprove of their substance use were less likely to use substances than other.

For example, current marijuana use was less prevalent among youth who believed their parents would strongly disapprove of their trying marijuana once or twice than among youth who did not perceive this level of disapproval (5 percent vs. 32 percent).

"Surveys of teens repeatedly show that parents can make an enormous difference in influencing their children's perceptions of tobacco, alcohol, or illicit drug use," said SAMHSA Administrator Pamela S. Hyde.

"Although most parents are talking with their teens about the risks of tobacco, alcohol, and other drugs, far too many are missing the vital opportunity these conversations provide in influencing their children's health and well-being.

"Parents need to initiate age-appropriate conversations about these issues with their children at all stages of their development in order to help ensure that their children make the right decisions."

Source: SAMHSA
A teenager smoking and drinking photo by shutterstock.
Related Articles

About Rick Nauert PhD

Dr. Rick Nauert has over 25 years experience in clinical, administrative and academic healthcare. He is currently an associate professor for Rocky Mountain University of Health Professionals doctoral program in health promotion and wellness. Dr. Nauert began his career as a clinical physical therapist and served as a regional manager for a publicly traded multidisciplinary rehabilitation agency for 12 years. He has masters degrees in health-fitness management and healthcare administration and a doctoral degree from The University of Texas at Austin focused on health care informatics, health administration, health education and health policy. His research efforts included the area of telehealth with a specialty in disease management.

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substance abuse and mental health services administration

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Parents Do Influence Teen Use of Illicit Substances

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A new report finds that more than 20 percent of parents believe -- perhaps wrongly -- that they have little influence on whether or not their teen uses drugs, tobacco or alcohol. In fact, studies have shown that teens do listen to parents; substance use is significantly lower among teens whose believe their parents strongly disapprove of substance use.

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Inflated Praise Can Harm Kids With Low Self-Esteem | Psych Central News

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Inflated Praise Can Harm Kids With Low Self-Esteem | Psych Central News

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New research suggests that parents and adults who heap the highest praise on children with low self-esteem are most likely hurting the children with their over-the-top compliments.

Researchers found that while children with high self-esteem seem to thrive with inflated praise, those with low self-esteem actually shrink from new challenges when adults go overboard on praising them.

"Inflated praise can backfire with those kids who seem to need it the most - kids with low self-esteem," said Eddie Brummelman, lead author of the study and a visiting scholar at The Ohio State University in autumn 2013 and now a doctoral student in psychology at Utrecht University in The Netherlands.

For this study, scientists identified inflated praise as those including an adverb (such as "incredibly") or adjective (such as "perfect") signaling a very positive evaluation. For example, "you're good at this" was simple praise, while "you're incredibly good at this" was considered inflated praise, the researchers explained.

In one of three related studies, Brummelman and his colleagues found that adults gave twice as much inflated praise to children identified as having low self-esteem compared to those children with high self-esteem.

In another study, 114 parents (88 percent mothers) participated with their child. Several days before the experiment, children completed a measure to determine their level of self-esteem.

Then, during an observation at their homes, the parents administered 12 timed math exercises to their child. Afterwards, the parents scored how well their child did on the tests. The sessions were videotaped, and the researchers were not in the room.

Watching the videotape, the researchers counted how many times the parent praised their child, and classified praise as inflated or non-inflated. The most common inflated praise statements included "You answered very fast!" and "Super good!" and "Fantastic!"

The most common non-inflated praise statements included "You're good at this!" and "Well done!"

Results showed that parents praised their children about six times during the session, and about 25 percent of the praise was inflated, the researchers reported.

The parents gave more inflated praise to children with low self-esteem than they did to children with high self-esteem, the researchers added.

"Parents seemed to think that the children with low self-esteem needed to get extra praise to make them feel better," said Brad Bushman, Ph.D., co-author of the study and professor of communication and psychology at Ohio State.

"It's understandable why adults would do that, but we found in another experiment that this inflated praise can backfire in these children."

In this other experiment, 240 children drew a famous van Gogh painting, "Wild Roses," and then received inflated, non-inflated or no praise in the form of a note from someone identified as a "professional painter."

After receiving the note, the children were told they were going to draw other pictures, but they could choose which ones they would copy. They were told they could choose pictures that were easy to do, "but you won't learn much." Or they could choose to draw more difficult pictures in which "you might make many mistakes, but you'll definitely learn a lot too."

According to the researchers, children with low self-esteem were more likely to choose the easier pictures if they received inflated praise. By contrast, children with high self-esteem were more likely to choose the more difficult pictures if they received inflated praise.

These results suggest that inflated praise may put too much pressure on those with low self-esteem, Brummelman said.

"If you tell a child with low self-esteem that they did incredibly well, they may think they always need to do incredibly well," he said. "They may worry about meeting those high standards and decide not to take on any new challenges."

The lesson may be that parents and adults need to fight the urge to give inflated praise to children with low self-esteem, Bushman said.

"It goes against what many people may believe would be most helpful," Bushman said. "But it really isn't helpful to give inflated praise to children who already feel bad about themselves."

The study was published in the journal Psychological Science.

Source: The Ohio State University

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Inflated Praise Can Harm Kids With Low Self-Esteem

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New research suggests that parents and adults who heap the highest praise on children with low self-esteem are most likely hurting the children with their over-the-top compliments. Researchers found that while children with high self-esteem seem to thrive with inflated praise, those with low self-esteem actually shrink from new challenges when adults go overboard on praising them.

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Test Prep Trends to Watch in 2014 - US News

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Test Prep Trends to Watch in 2014 - US News

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Children benefit from the right sort of screen time - life - 26 March 2014 - New Scientist

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Children benefit from the right sort of screen time - life - 26 March 2014 - New Scientist

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(Image: plainpicture/apply pictures)

It is an issue many parents will have grappled with. Is the peace you get by handing your child a touchscreen or sitting them in front of the TV worth the undefined damage you worry it's causing? The subject resurfaced last week with one study claiming that screen time was linked with increased BMI and another finding it adversely affected children's emotional well-being.

The headlines may have struck a chord, but each study faced different criticisms. So just what can we say about screen time?

First of all, lumping all screens into one category is not helpful. "Screen time is a really enticing measure because it's simple - it's usually described as the number of hours a day using screen-based technology. But it's completely meaningless," says Pete Etchells at Bath Spa University, UK, who studies the effects of video games on behaviour. "It doesn't say anything about what you're using that time for."

When you separate the different types of screen out, the effects start to vary. Passively watching TV is not the same as learning to read on a touchscreen, which is not the same as killing monsters on a console. For instance, a recent longitudinal study of 11,000 British children found that those who watched TV for 3 hours or more a day at age 5 had a small increase in behavioural problems two years later compared with those who watched for under an hour. But they found no effects at all for those who played computer games.

Watch and learn

It's not just the type of screen that matters, but what is on that screen. "The best research suggests that the content children view is the best predictor of cognitive effects," says Heather Kirkorian who studies cognitive development at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. "Children will learn from what they watch, whether that means learning letters and numbers, slapstick humour or aggressive behaviour," she says, adding that children who watch age-appropriate, educational TV programmes often do better on tests of school readiness.

When it comes to physical effects, a number of studies have found similar results to the latest research, which shows that increased screen time is associated with a rise in BMI. But it can be hard to tease apart whether screen time actually causes the effects or whether they are linked in some other way. "It is impossible to determine with certainty that TV is causing obesity, and it is likely that other factors are involved in the complex problem of childhood obesity," says Kirkorian.

The rise of portable devices has compounded the issue. According to one study, 40 per cent of children aged 8 and younger in the US had tablets in their homes in 2013 compared to 8 per cent in 2011. Rosie Flewitt who studies Early Years and Primary Education at the Institute of Education in London says touchscreens are particularly motivating for children, allowing them to use a tool they can see is important to adults. "There is an unquestionable body of research showing that new technologies can engage children," she says. Her own studies have shown that children who struggle to learn using books often made more progress with iPads.

Motivating multimedia

Flewitt's research in schools also found that iPads made children more cooperative and helped quieter kids to speak up. She thinks that is partly because children receive immediate feedback, and because the devices are multimedia. "You don't need to be able to read words to access knowledge - you can follow icons, hear words spoken," she says.

A survey of more than 1000 parents with children aged 3 to 5 and their teachers, out this month, backs up the idea that tablets can promote learning. The study found that all the children enjoy reading more when they look at stories using books and a touchscreen compared to just books.

Importantly, the performance of children from low socio-economic backgrounds who use both at home is less likely to be below average at school than if they only look at books.

What is becoming clear is that it's not the technologies themselves we should be worried out but how they are used and how people interact with them. The advantages seen in the school environment can be translated into the home - if you choose your children's digital distraction wisely.

A lot of it is common sense. Don't unthinkingly hand over your device. There are educational apps whose benefits are backed up by research, says Flewitt. Consider the type of screen time, says Etchells. Five hours sitting in front of the TV is not the same as 5 hours of some TV, a couple of hours playing on Dance Dance Revolution or some other kind of active game, followed by a Skype session with a grandparent.

And take heart&colon; this generation's iPad is another's Jane Austen. "It's a new era," says Flewitt. There is a lot of scepticism just like there was when novels took off in the 18th century, she says.

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Children benefit from the right sort of screen time

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It is an issue many parents will have grappled with. Is the peace you get by handing your child a touchscreen or sitting them in front of the TV worth the undefined damage you worry it's causing? The subject resurfaced last week with one study claiming that screen time was linked with increased BMI and another finding it adversely affected children's emotional well-being.

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Learn How to Deal With Mental Illness in College - US News

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Learn How to Deal With Mental Illness in College - US News

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Coming Up with Explanations Helps Children Develop Cause-and-Effect Thinking Skills, Study Shows | News

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Coming Up with Explanations Helps Children Develop Cause-and-Effect Thinking Skills, Study Shows | News

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Asking children to come up with explanations even to themselves enhances their cause-and-effect learning abilities, according to new psychology research from The University of Texas at Austin.

The study, published in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, shows that young children who come up with explanations while learning are able to connect new ideas with prior cause-and-effect knowledge. By forming their own generalizations, learners can more efficiently understand novel information, says Cristine Legare, associate professor of psychology and lead author of the study.

To examine the potential benefits of explanation-based learning, Legare and her collaborator, Tania Lombrozo of the University of California at Berkeley, presented 182 preschoolers (ages 3 to 6) with a mechanical toy composed of colorful, interlocking gears with a crank on one end and a propeller on the other. After showing the children the basics of the toy's moving parts, the researchers separated the children into two groups and asked them to either explain or observe the toy. To assess the learning effects of explanatory versus descriptive responses, the researchers prompted the children with more questions about the toy's appearance and structure.

According to the results of both studies, the explainers across all age groups outperformed other children in understanding the cause-and-effect operations of the toy. They were also better at rebuilding the toy and transferring that new knowledge to other learning tasks. However, explaining does not improve and can even impair memory for details, such as the toy's size, shapes and colors.

So why do explainers do so well in understanding the toy's functionality, but falter when it comes to memorizing specific details? One possibility, Legare says, is that explanation helps the learner focus more on understanding cause-and-effect mechanisms, but not so much on the perceptual details.

Although much is still unknown about the role of explanation in early childhood learning, it's clear that explaining engages young learners in ways that other cognitive processes do not.

"Understanding the ways in which explanation does and does not improve learning speaks not only to questions about the development of cause-and-effect knowledge, but also to questions about how to most effectively harness explanation for use in educational interventions," Legare says.

In another paper, published in Child Development Perspectives, Legare examines the learning benefits of explanation and exploration, two cognitive processes that work in tandem to comprehend novel information. When teachers and parents ask children to explain "why" and "how," they give them an opportunity to think like scientists, Legare says. This approach is effective in and outside the classroom, she notes.

"The way children gather evidence through exploration and understand it through explanation provides insights into the development of scientific reasoning," Legare says. "This strategy can help young children harness their potential for scientific reasoning and improve their critical thinking skills," Legare says.

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Coming Up with Explanations Helps Children Develop Cause-and-Effect Thinking Skills, Study Shows

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Asking children to come up with explanations even to themselves enhances their cause-and-effect learning abilities, according to new psychology research from The University of Texas at Austin. The study, published in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology , shows that young children who come up with explanations while learning are able to connect new ideas with prior cause-and-effect knowledge.

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A Simple Mind Trick That Will Help You Manage Stress | Guy Winch, Ph.D.

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A Simple Mind Trick That Will Help You Manage Stress | Guy Winch, Ph.D.

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In a Seinfeld episode titled "The Jimmy," the character of George finds himself in a stressful situation and starts speaking in the third person: "George is getting upset!" He might have been on to something.

Researchers from the University of Michigan explored how we use self-talk to help us perform better under stress. Participants were told they would have to give a speech on why they are qualified for their "dream" job before a panel of expert interviewers and that their performances would also be videotaped. Then, just to make sure the participants were as stressed out as possible, they were given only five minutes to prepare, during which they were not allowed to take notes.

Participants were then divided into two groups. Both groups were told that people tend to prepare themselves psychologically before stressful tasks and to reflect on how they are feeling. One group of participants was instructed to use first person pronouns when preparing themselves (e.g., "I feel nervous") and the other group was told to use second- and third-person pronouns when preparing themselves (e.g., "You feel nervous" or "[First Name] feels nervous").

The results were quite impressive. Participants in the second group performed significantly better at the speaking task than participants in the first group according to objective raters. Participants using second- and third-person pronouns also displayed less emotional distress before the task, and they felt less feelings of shame, and engaged in less damaging self-critical thinking afterwards.

Why would a simple difference in pronoun use have such a powerful impact on people's ability to perform well and to manage stress?

Switching from first-person pronouns to second- and third-person pronouns is a way of creating psychological distance from a stress-inducing task (by thinking of the 'self' as 'other'). The more psychological distance we have from an anxiety-producing or stressful event, the better able we are to manage any distressing feelings we have and to reduce their impact on our behavior.

Psychological distancing is a simple but powerful mind trick we can use before, during and after stressful events and tasks. Using second- and third-person pronouns in our self-talk before such events will help us better manage our anxieties so we can be more focused on our preparation. It will also help maximize our performance during the stressful task itself, and it will help us manage our emotional responses in the aftermath (especially in the event our performance of the task was less successful than we might have liked).

Using second- and third-person pronouns takes a little getting used to but it is worth the effort, whether the task is one that creates significant stress (such as public speaking) or mild stress (such as writing an blog for The Huffington Post).

Guy really hopes you liked this article.

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A Simple Mind Trick That Will Help You Manage Stress

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In a Seinfeld episode titled "The Jimmy," the character of George finds himself in a stressful situation and starts speaking in the third person: "George is getting upset!" He might have been on to something. Researchers from the University of Michigan explored how we use self-talk to help us perform better under stress.

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Anxious Parents Can Learn How To Reduce Anxiety In Their Kids : Shots - Health News : NPR

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Anxious Parents Can Learn How To Reduce Anxiety In Their Kids : Shots - Health News : NPR

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Children are increasingly anxious, stressed out and overly worried. Part of that has to do with increased pressures to excel in school, sports and extracurricular activities. But part of it has a lot to do with parents.

Like other mental and physical health problems, anxiety can be inherited. And some children are more vulnerable because of the way their anxious parents "parent."

Children whose parents struggle with anxiety are 2- to 7-times more likely to develop an anxiety disorder themselves, according to Golda Ginsburg, a psychologist at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine who studies childhood anxiety.

That's partly a result of how parents view the world. If they see it as a scary place, their children often do as well. Parents are a child's role model for many behaviors, including anxiety, says Ginsburg. "So if a parent is showing anxiety, jumping up on a table when they see a mouse versus reacting calmly, we know children are more likely to develop fears similar to what their parents are showing."

Take the example of Heather Cummings and her son Noah. It was difficult for Noah to go to elementary school. He was constantly worried that he would get sick and throw up, particularly at school.

It turns out that Heather suffered similar worries when she was a child. "In science I'd read about a condition and think I had it, cancer or diabetes, for example," she says. "If I bumped my head I'd think I'd get a concussion. If I got hit in the temple I'd watch the clock because I thought I was going to die."

Anxiety is a normal human emotion in the face of challenges, such as taking a test or performing in public. But in more severe forms it can be debilitating. Anxiety that interferes with normal life activities like school, work or social relationships can be an indication of a severe anxiety disorder.

When Noah was a toddler, if he disappeared behind a tree Heather worried that he had been kidnapped. "I was panic-stricken." As Noah got older Heather's anxiety shifted, and she worried more about his anxiety. Both Heather and her husband, Dave, who live in Epsom, N.H., found themselves constantly reassuring Noah that he was fine, that he wouldn't throw up and that everything would be OK.

They got the school to agree to allow Noah to call home when he got worried. He did, five or six times a day. Dave even once spent an entire day in the classroom. He says, "I just went there to be sitting in the classroom with him; my entire focus was on Noah, on how he was doing. I'd give him a reassuring smile, rub his back, anything in my power to reassure him that things are going to be OK."

But all this reassurance and effort turned out to be exhausting for everyone.

By the time Noah was 11, the family was so overwhelmed that they knew they had to do something. They had heard an expert in anxiety speak at a parent meeting and they decided to go see her. By the time they arrived at the office of psychotherapist Lynn Lyons in nearby Concord, Noah's anxiety was severe, Lyons says.

The first step for Noah was to help him understand how anxiety made his stomach ache. Lyons often draws cartoons to show children how their bodies react to anxiety, with an increase in stress hormones accompanied by a racing heart, faster breathing, tense muscles and a churning stomach. Noah got the message.

The biggest surprise, though, was for Heather and Dave. Lyons told them that all their efforts to help Noah avoid his anxiety were actually fueling it.

"The way you learn how to manage life is by making mistakes or by stepping into things that feel uncertain, uncomfortable, or overwhelming and then proving to yourself through experience that you can manage it," Lyons says. The Cummingses were inadvertently suggesting to Noah that he couldn't handle it.

Noah had to learn how to face his fears, and his parents had to help him. This meant no more reassurance. It wasn't easy, but both Heather and Dave were committed to change. So was Noah.

Lyons used a technique called cognitive behavioral therapy that helps people learn how to change negative thoughts about specific experiences. This therapy has been shown effective in treating anxiety disorders, but can be useful as well for anyone dealing with stressful life situations.

Noah had to limit phoning or texting home from school to twice a week, then once a week, then every other week and so on, until he stopped altogether.

As for throwing up in school, Noah had to accept that he might. "So rather than avoiding it, he had to start saying, 'Hey, if I get sick, I get sick. I won't like it, but I'll survive,' " Lyons says.

When Lyons told Noah to think about the worst that could happen, he realized that going to the nurse's office and being sent home just wasn't all that bad. He never did throw up in school. And today, two years after therapy started, he no longer worries about it.

His parents now know what to say when he does get worried. That includes labeling the worry as worry, and asking, "What's the worst that could happen?"

In short, the therapy worked, for parents and child.

About a month ago Noah, now 13, went on a five-day school trip to Washington, D.C.

"As it got closer and closer, I got more and more excited rather than worried," Noah says. "When I got onto the bus to go I was not worried at all! I didn't have one worry about going on the trip."

And rather than being inundated with calls or texts, Noah's parents didn't hear a thing. "On this trip we would have liked a couple more calls," Dave Cummings says. "It's ironic that he didn't call at all; it's the greatest victory possible."

Lyons says it really doesn't matter what's provoking a child's anxiety - it could be school, or getting up at bat, performing in a play or singing a song in public. The key, she says, is helping children expect it and have a plan on how to deal with it. Then they can move on, stronger and more capable of coping with life's uncertainties. (Lyons recently co-authored a book entitled Anxious Kids Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous & Independent Children.)

Cognitive behavioral therapy may also help prevent anxiety from developing in the first place, Ginsburg says. She has studied vulnerable children who had at least one anxious parent. In her study, half of the children ages 7 to 12 and their parents received cognitive behavioral therapy. Half did not.

It turned out that one-third of those who did not receive therapy developed an anxiety disorder within a year. None of those who received therapy developed anxiety.

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Anxious Parents Can Learn How To Reduce Anxiety In Their Kids

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Children are increasingly anxious, stressed out and overly worried. Part of that has to do with increased pressures to excel in school, sports and extracurricular activities. But part of it has a lot to do with parents. Like other mental and physical health problems, anxiety can be inherited.

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Scientists Link A Good Night's Sleep To Higher Test Scores

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Scientists Link A Good Night's Sleep To Higher Test Scores

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Does a good night's sleep really boost your performance the following day? A new study not only suggests that it can but also shows how big a difference the extra zzz's make.

For the study, researchers from Ghent and KU Leuven universities in Belgium surveyed 621 first-year university students about their sleep habits during exam period. The researchers then compared the survey results with how the students did on their exams. What was the finding?

"All else equal, students who generally got a good night's sleep performed better on exams," study co-author Dr. Stijn Baert, a researcher at Ghent University, said in a written statement.

No surprise there.

But the grades of students who slept seven hours each night during the exam period were nearly 10 percent higher than those of students who got less sleep. Students who extended their sleep duration from six to seven hours saw an average increase of 1.7 points (on a scale of 20) for each exam. And, yes, the researchers accounted for differences in the students' study habits as well as their health and socioeconomic backgrounds.

But why might a good night's sleep translate into better academic performance? Because "new knowledge is integrated into our existing knowledge base while we sleep," Dr. Baert said in the statement.

Of course, adequate sleep has other benefits. Previous studies showed that more sleep not only boosts thinking ability but also can improve athletic performance. Medical experts say adults should get seven to eight hours of sleep each day.

The study was published in a discussion paper for the Institute for the Study of Labor in Germany on June 14, 2014.

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Sleep Study Looks At Link Between Shut-Eye, Exam Scores

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Does a good night's sleep really boost your performance the following day? A new study not only suggests that it can but also shows how big a difference the extra zzz's make. For the study, researchers from Ghent and KU Leuven universities in Belgium surveyed 621 first-year university students about their sleep habits during exam period.

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Second grade: What your child should know - Academic Skills | GreatSchools

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Second grade: What your child should know - Academic Skills | GreatSchools

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No two kids are alike, especially when it comes to hitting developmental benchmarks. But it helps to have a rough idea of which academic and social skills your child should acquire at his or her grade level. Learn more about the second-grade classroom in these subject areas: reading, writing, language arts, math, science, technology, social studies, art, music, and physical education. Or check your state's academic standards to find out what students are required to learn.

By the end of the year, you can expect your child to:

Begin to reason and concentrate

Improve his ability to process information

Improve her focus on a specific task

Work cooperatively with a partner or small group

Understand the difference between right and wrong

Make connections between concepts so he will be better able to compare and contrast ideas

Expand his vocabulary

Correctly use irregular verbs

Read fluently with expression

Ask and answer who, what, where, when, why, and how questions about a piece of reading

Revise and edit a piece of writing

Use an apostrophe to form contractions and frequently occurring possessives

Recognize most irregularly spelled words such as because and upon

Begin to use a dictionary

Do mental math for single-digit addition and subtraction problems

Add single- and multi-digit numbers with regrouping

Demonstrate an understanding of place value

Tell time to the nearest five minutes, using AM and PM

Know the basic concept of multiplication (for example, 2 x 3 is two rows of three and 600 is six 100s)

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Second grade: What your child should know | Parenting

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No two kids are alike, especially when it comes to hitting developmental benchmarks. But it helps to have a rough idea of which academic and social skills your child should acquire at his or her grade level. Learn more about the second-grade classroom in these subject areas: reading, writing, language arts, math, science, technology, social studies, art, music, and physical education.

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HowStuffWorks "5 Ways You Can Help Your Child Succeed in First Grade"

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HowStuffWorks "5 Ways You Can Help Your Child Succeed in First Grade"

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5 Ways You Can Help Your Child Succeed in First Grade

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First grade, with all its new demands and responsibilities, can sometimes shake a kindergartener's academic confidence. So what can you do to make sure this first year of formal schooling is as fun and successful as it should be?

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Going to School . Education | PBS Parents

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Going to School . Education | PBS Parents

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A parents guide to going to school, including what kids learn each year, learning disabilities, reading strategies and early math.

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When Your Child Says, “I Don’t Fit In.”-EmpoweringParents.com <

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When Your Child Says, “I Don’t Fit In.”-EmpoweringParents.com <

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Parenting Articles & Expert Advice - Empowering Parents

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The Total Transformation® Deluxe Subscription Our #1 selling program! Practical, step-by-step solutions for the most challenging parenting problems: disrespect, arguing, severe defiance and more. Includes The Total Transformation® , The Complete Guide to ConsequencesTM , Getting Through to Your ChildTM , and Two Parents, One PlanTM .

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How ADD Affects the Family | Parenting | Disney Family.com

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How ADD Affects the Family | Parenting | Disney Family.com

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Effective Parenting Articles | Child Behavior Help | Parenting Difficult Children & Teens

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Effective Parenting Articles | Child Behavior Help | Parenting Difficult Children & Teens

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Parenting Tips, Advice, & Help | Empowering Parents

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Everyone needs some parenting advice once in a while. Visit Empowering Parents to read articles from child behavior experts and connect with other parents.

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Study Skills for Elementary School Children with ADD | ADDitude - Adults and Children with ADD & LD

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Study Skills for Elementary School Children with ADD | ADDitude - Adults and Children with ADD & LD

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Middle school comes as an academic, organizational shock to children who didn't build good study habits in elementary school. Learn how to sow the seeds of success with these strategies designed for 4th and 5th grade students with ADHD.

Parents and the media have been talking a lot about the "fourth-grade slump" - a declining interest in reading and academic achievement that can happen anytime between the second and fifth grades.

I taught fourth grade for more than a decade, and I know that the slump is real. Most educators believe it may be due to all the testing kids undergo during these grades, not to mention the emphasis on getting outstanding results.

For children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder ( ADHD), however, it may also reflect the sudden increase in academic demands - and the need for study skills that students may not have mastered yet. In the early elementary grades, students are learning how to read. But in third grade, the focus switches to reading for meaning, interpreting information and synthesizing it with past lessons.

Students who barely got through those early grades are likely to hit a wall in fourth grade. This is when many children are diagnosed with ADHD, dyslexia, or another learning disability. While ADHD can set up a student for a slump, there are many things a parent can do to support her child through this demanding stage. Here's how you can keep your child's test scores - and her interest in learning - high.

Before the Test

Break down the material. Children with ADHD have difficulty breaking projects into manageable "chunks." This is why studying for a major test becomes an insurmountable task. Sit down with your child and a calendar and divide up the material he must master. Have him study one part for 15 minutes every night.
[Take This Test to See If Your Child Has ADHD]
Find your child's peak study time. Some kids need to keep their focus going to get their work done before dinner, delaying the reward of relaxation. Other kids benefit from a break after school.

Change the view. Find the study environment that "clicks" with your child. Some kids like to work in their room in complete silence. Try having your child read in a rocking chair - the constant motion may help kids with ADHD concentrate. Or enlist a neighbor or family member who lives nearby to become your child's "study partner."

Practice makes perfect. Alleviate anxiety by setting up practice tests that are timed, just as they are in school. Try the TimeTimer ( timetimer.com) - a red "pie slice" on the clock's face diminishes as time ticks away, letting kids see just how much time they have left. After practicing at home, ask the teacher if she'd let your child use a timer in a real testing situation. It's silent, so it won't disturb his classmates.

Prepare body and mind. People still believe the myth that caffeine will improve your focus. Even though it temporarily increases alertness, your body soon crashes and you become more tired. Instead of letting your child drink a caffeinated soda, have him drink water - it acts as a lubricant for synapses in your brain - and get a good night's sleep before a test.
[Parents Should Read this List of School Resources]
During the Test

In addition to teaching the following test-taking strategies, plan to do something fun after a day of testing. Having something to look forward to will help your child make it through.

Keep a steady pace. As she practiced at home, encourage your child to work at an even pace. Advise her to go with her first choice if she gets stuck on a question - usually this will be the right answer. If she still doubts her answer, she can put a dot next to the question and review the dotted questions at the end of the test.

Put everything in writing. Get your child in the habit of writing out math problems, rather than doing them in her head, to avoid careless errors. Make sure the teacher provides plenty of scrap paper during tests.

Teach him to be a STAR. Explain to your child that, when he's anxious or worried, his heart starts to beat faster and his anxiety level rises. When people are anxious, the brain's frontal lobes close down. This is the area of the brain that helps us make decisions - and it is definitely needed during a test! So teach your child to Stop, Take A breath, and R elax while testing.

Encourage positive thinking. It sounds corny, but it is true. Numerous studies prove that, when kids tell themselves that they are going to do well, it's more likely to happen. The reverse happens, too. So remind your child of his strengths and talents, and of your belief that he'll do well.
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Updated on December 10, 2019

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4th Grade Study Skills for Students with ADHD

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Middle school comes as an academic, organizational shock to children who didn't build good study habits in elementary school. Learn how to sow the seeds of success with these strategies designed for 4th and 5th grade students with ADHD.