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Hi, Tristan, in your theme analysis I came across good use of transitions as they were unique and very well varied. For example,  you used “Namely “ "Clearly" etc.  Resulting  in well rounded analysis. Additionally, you did use any personal pronouns from what I could find which is really great because a lot of people make that mistake. However, you included 2 different timestamps in your analysis that are not sure you're supposed to. To do unless you asked Ms.  Wichard  but besides that I loved your theme analysis. Nice Job!

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Hi Tristan! A strength of your paragraph was your word choice in your first explanation. For example, you did a great job using words like “general” and “discrimination.” Great job! Another good thing you included was your word choice in your sum up. I loved the word “implied,” and how you fit it in like the last piece on a puzzle! Although this was great, you could have maybe used better word choice in your claim. For example, you could have switched out “bad” for “awful.” Great job though!

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Hey, Tristan! A strength of your theme analysis paragraph, “lifted” is all of the detail you put into your theme analysis paragraph even the small parts have great detail. Consistently, there were parts that I enjoyed how much detail you put into them. For instance I enjoyed it when you said “Once it finally seemed like he gave up, the little alien looked into a manual as the human subject was bouncing around the house.” It was amazing how you added so much of these detailed parts throughout your theme analysis paragraph. In conclusion, I really liked how you emotionally explained why the theme is important in life. For instance, you said “This is important in life because if people just give up when things get hard then lightbulbs wouldn’t exist neither would cast or plains or almost any human discoveries.” Here you really added emotion into the story by adding very important parts of history which made the world that we know today. However, a suggestion that I can offer for improvement is to maybe explain more clearly in some places. For instance, you said “The little alien kept on asking the large alien which one was correct and he kept on trying.” Though you could’ve said instead “The alien asked the bigger alien over and over which one was the correct one but the other alien never replied but the smaller one kept on trying.”

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Hi Tristan! One star that was in your writing piece Lifted: Never give up was that in the evidence you used real life examples like the invention of the lightbulb or Koby Bryant becoming an NBA star. Another star that was in your piece Lifted: Never give up was that you got very strong evidence to support your claim. This was good because since you had strong evidence I am supporting your theme. One wish that I had was that I think you could have done a little better with the sum it up sentence. I think you could have used better word choice. Great job though!

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Good essay, but spelling! and Highliting! You have to fix some spelling and highlight the entire essay. But other than that, good work.

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hi Tristan i enjoyed how your theme was super good. I really agreed with the theme because it was just really good. Another plus of your paragraph was the title. I liked how you formatted it. And how you used the title to make your own. On wish i had was that you highlighted. It was kinda confusing to read.

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I liked how you emphasized that the alien didn’t give up when he kept failing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over (1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 Overs later) and over again. I also liked how you used valid examples throughout the paragraph. My wish:

GRAMMAR

USE CORRECT GRAMMAR

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hi Trish, i like how you conclusion is long with make your writing good. Also you conclusion is good. I would add  another paragraph .

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I liked how you wrote about the scared animals when the classroom features changed. I also liked how you expressed that the kids didn’t care about the needs of the animals. My wish:
DON’T INCLUDE AN ANIMAL DYING

AND USE CORRECT GRAMMAR

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In your persuasive essay, Why Homework Should Go, a star I have for you is that your anecdote in your third cees paragraph was very good. It had a very good description and was long and emotional, which is good (I think). Another star I have for you is that your claims were all very good and reasonable. One wish I have for you is that your sum up for your first and second paragraph were the same, and so were the ends of the explanations in those paragraphs.

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Hey Tristan, A strength in your essay “ Why homework should go “ is the way you explained parts throughout your essay and all the work you put into researching and writing it. I like how in your explanation you explained everything that could happen because of homework as you could miss after school activities after school like clubs such as drama clubs and others to and that you could miss after school sports such as soccer, baseball, football and many other sports too. In doing so, you truly support each of your explanations in your body paragraphs. Another one that I liked as well is that you followed all instructions and made everything as perfect as you possibly could. So far as I read I’ve only seen one or two errors but besides everything as you did it perfectly. I did love your story but there were a few spelling errors at times and I feel like by fixing them you could make the reader understand more about what you were talking about . Also while I was reading I got confused at some of those parts as I read it so maybe by rewriting them a bit you could make them a bit easier to read. I believe you could have developed the scene with more detail and descriptive language so the people reading it could have a clearer picture in their head of what you were talking about as they read through your essay. For instance instead of saying “ He ignores his friends and walks home when they ask him if he wants to hang out ” you could have said “ the boy’s friends ask him if he wants to hang out but he sadly ignores them and walks home dragging his feet behind him.

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A strength I think I found in your essay, “Why Homework Should Go” is in one of your paragraphs explaining how students can get anxiety/stressed out from so much homework. I found that this claim was really important to show your readers because many kids, especially me, have gone through a lot of stress trying to get homework in on time. Another star I found in your essay was how you give such detailed anecdotes. You gave a detailed description of the character in the anecdote, instead of just throwing in what was happening right away. However, I do suggest that in one of your paragraphs instead of coming up with places for the character to live/work at, you should describe how that place might be like, instead of coming up with a real spot they could be set at.

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I liked how you explained how a kid could feel if they have homework. I also liked how you made good (sad 😭) stories to go with them. I don’t have a wish, but I’m sad now. Reread your last CEES paragraph and try not to cry :((((((((((((((((((((

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I really like how you shared the data of how snakes eat about 3 times a month, and then you compared that data to a dog or cat. I also liked how you emphasized how NOBODY wants to pay for a dog or cat in a hotel AND a vacation, while you can take a snake with you on vacation. My wish: GRAMMAR

USE CORRECT GRAMMAR

DO IT

NOW

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One thing that I liked was how you described how people felt when the rain stopped and when people saw the sun for the first time in seven years. I actually felt like I was standing right next to you on Venus. Another thing that I liked was how you described putting Margot in the closet. It felt like I pushed her in myself and saw you lock the door. One thing that I wish you had was what happened while you were playing outside. I could really just see you walking outside and then coming back in. I think if you added more detail then I could feel like I was playing with you. I really liked your story overall though.

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Hi! In your narrative a strength I saw was how you unintentionally gave a lesson to the readers. You showed me that you should always take appreciation for the small things you get, because some people don’t have some of the things we are blessed with. Also, I loved how you showed a description of how the sun shined above Venus. It gave me a good picture of how beautiful the sun would have looked for the first time in 7 years of darkness. Though, I do think you could have extended the story a bit longer with a longer insight on the friendship that the character made. Overall I loved your story!

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CAPITILIZATION! Make sure you capitalize your sentences right.
But overall a good story with emotion

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In your memoir, “Fearfulness” the way in which you started to talk about your memory that you experienced in your past when you were younger and explained your surroundings and what you felt in your surroundings like when you said “ I can feel the sand as it it glides elegantly all around me “ and I like how it starts off so detailed with just the first few words. I also like in your piece how you felt in the situation you were in at the time and how detail you made it sound like when you said “ my heart almost jumped out of my chest like it was a kid on a trampoline” when I read that part I could see how scared you were in that state.

I like everything else you did in your story however I would have liked it better if you explained where you were and how you got to the point you are at now.

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I think that you did good at describing the general area around you so that was 1 star the other one is that you did good on your inner thoughts but one thing is that you need to work on the describe the voices better.

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I really liked how you described your fear of when the sharks came close to you (not that I wanted to be in your spot) and when that popping sound came into your helmet. Another thing I liked was the sound effects you added to describe the feeling of the sand and seaweed around you. The one thing I would like you to improve, though, is the grammar. That is literally all I want you to edit. (Is it part of my ADHD that makes me notice small things like that!? I have no idea!)

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This is a good story! It has a lot of figurative language, and detail. But watch out for capitalization and extra spaces! At “disappears, Another shark”, You capitalized “Another”, when you shouldn’t have. Also,at “water  sends”, You typed an extra space.

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What is this background?! It made my heart jump out of my chest!