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It can be very scary when your child is showing signs of BDD and it can be hard to know how to help. We are here to try and help guide you through the process of supporting your child and getting them the right help.

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It can often be tricky with teenagers to know if appearance concerns are a 'normal' part of being an adolescent or whether it is BDD. The biggest give-away is if the preoccupation with their appearance and associated behaviours cause them significant distress and interfere with their life. Feelings and Symptoms >

For example, they may often be late to or avoid school and events because of appearance concerns and/or because of extensive rituals they need to carry out before leaving the home. There may be other signs, such as avoiding activities that they were previously engaged with, constantly seeking reassurance about the way they look, and examining others' appearance and comparing this to their own.

If you suspect your child has BDD, it is essential that you share this with them in a calm and non-judgemental way. Avoiding getting into a discussion about the content of your child's appearance concerns is important and it will be more helpful instead focus on the distress and interference these concerns are causing. Sharing with them that you know they are not being vain and that you understand they are distressed because of their worries can be a really helpful.

You may wish to share the information on this website to support your discussion and see if they can relate to anything that has been described.

We also have our Youth website which has lots of resources and videos for young people and parents.

Your child may be relieved that this has been recognised as a problem or they may not see it as BDD. It is essential that you keep emphasising the distress and interference aspects of BDD and that there is help to manage their distress. You can give them information on treatment and support to help them understand what is on offer (see ' Treatment for BDD ').
If your child demonstrates any risk issues such as suicidal thoughts or self-harm, it is important you seek mental health support immediately.
If your child is unsure about seeking support, you can approach your primary care physician (e.g. GP) or a mental health service to raise your concerns. Services available on the NHS in the UK >

Share with the practitioner that you suspect your child has BDD and discuss a way forward with them in how to support your child to get treatment. You can use this GP card to help you. Ideally, your child should join you to seek support, but if not, do not let that stop you from sharing your concerns with a professional. Your child should be offered a mental health assessment following which treatment options should be explored.

It is crucial that BDD is explored as one possible diagnosis as clinicians can often mistake symptoms for other difficulties (i.e., Depression, Social Anxiety or an Eating Disorder) due to the overlap across these conditions. It may be helpful to take information from this website and other helpful material with you to ensure BDD is assessed.

You may find the following pages useful:

BDD not only has a profound impact the young person but also on their loved ones. You might find that BDD has taken over your family life and that your daily routines have been compromised so much so that life may now feel very different because of the disorder. Some of the most common ways family members are drawn into their child's BDD is through providing reassurance and facilitating avoidance and/or behaviours in relation to appearance concerns. While this can help reduce the young person's distress in the short term, we also know it keeps the problem going in the long term and before you know it, BDD has taken over all of your lives.

It is often very difficult when your child is in distress because of their appearance concerns and is seeking reassurance from you, or if they pull you into conversations about their appearance. Whilst it can be very challenging, try not to get into discussions about appearance concerns or try to convince them they don't look bad as this can lead to arguments and place a further strain on your family. So, the less time you give to talking about BDD the better. What can be helpful is keeping the focus on acknowledging the distress they are experiencing rather than discussing their worries of beliefs about the way their appearance.

Along with reassurance, you may find that your child is wanting to improve their appearance by asking for products and cosmetic procedures. It is important to explore with your child, in calmer moments, about what is reasonable to expect from you and gently support them to consider how these behaviours could be reinforcing their appearance worries. It is understandable that your child might think taking steps to 'fix' the perceived flaw will mean they feel better about their appearance.

However, what we know from research and clinical experience is that for those with BDD, no matter how much you try to 'fix' your appearance outwardly, this will not make you feel better about your body image and how you feel about your appearance. It is important to come to an agreed plan to manage these requests and to ensure there is consistency across family members. If your child is having CBT, this can be discussed in sessions. It is important to do things in a gradual, step by step way and not expect your child to be able to resist all behaviours straight away.

Managing aggression

Aggression and angry outbursts are common difficulties in young people with BDD. It is helpful to notice what might be triggering these outbursts and what is happens during this time. In calmer moments, you might find it helpful to discuss with your child what you have noticed and how you can manage this together. As a family, it is important to establish boundaries of what is and is not acceptable in your household. Even if the behaviour is driven by BDD, it is important to maintain these boundaries.

It is hard when you are managing day to day life in general as well as supporting your child who has BDD. So you might find it really tricky when they are getting angry and upset, not to respond in the same way. However, this is where things can escalate, and conflict can arise. It is important that if you recognise this is happening and to find ways of stepping away from the situation. This will give you all space, allow things to calm down and will mean you can revisit the discussion when thinking is more composed. It is hard for everyone involved, but remember your child is not doing this on purpose, this is coming from a place of distress.

It is important to recognise that as well as having a profound effect on the young person, BDD can also have a big impact on parents and others who care for them. Therefore, it is key that you take the time to look after yourself and make sure you have support in place. This might include things like speaking to individuals in our outside of your family or accessing professional support from a therapist.

Support groups for parents of BDD sufferers are available- see our 'Support Groups' section to find out more. Making time for yourself and accessing support is crucial as by doing so, you are not only looking after your own wellbeing, but you are also putting yourself in the best position to support your child. It's just like the oxygen mask on plane analogy- you need to put it on yourself before you can help others.

If your child is offered CBT, there are things you can do to help support them through the process. Attending the first couple of sessions covering psychoeducation on BDD can be really helpful in developing a good understanding of the condition, how it works, along with strategies to overcome it. It might also offer further insight into your child's BDD and give you chance to review this with their therapist.

Try to join at the end of every session so that you can be given an overview of what was covered in the session and know what homework tasks have been set for the week.

Alongside understanding and learning about BDD, parents are often involved in the treatment by having a coach or co-therapist role - this can include helping to carry out homework tasks and providing support and encouragement during treatment. Finally, we know that families can often be drawn into BDD in many different ways (e.g. providing reassurance, items for appearance-related rituals, facilitating avoidance etc.). These behaviours maintain the BDD worries and focus on appearance and therefore become important targets during treatment, it is really helpful for families to get guidance on what to do.

Young people can differ in terms of the amount of support they require from their parents when doing homework tasks or how much they want parents involved in their treatment process. It is helpful to discuss how much input would be helpful with your child (and their therapist) and how they would like you to support them as they may have some great ideas. Plan with your child and therapist ways in which you can reduce reassurance and involvement with BDD. Reducing this support in a gradual way tends to be more effective and sudden changes are usually not recommended. Remember that treatment is a process that requires patients and changes will not come overnight.
Progress can seem slow, especially in the initial stages of treatment, and there are also likely to be some setbacks along the way. It is important for everyone to remain patient with the process and to work towards realistic and achievable changes.
Helpful Resources

Research Findings on Parents' Perspectives: Read here

Research Findings on Caregiver Experiences and Relational Accommodation: Read here

Research Findings on young people's experiences of body dysmorphic disorder in education settings:

Nicole Schnackenberg, Amita Jassi and Benedetta Monzani

The first book offering support for parents and carers of children and young people with Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), this guidebook explains the condition as well as the impact that it may have in education settings, family life and socialisation.

The guide begins by explaining how and why BDD emerges, before moving onto an exploration of how the mental health condition presents itself emotionally, psychologically, physically and behaviourally. It then offers practical advice and guidance for parents and carers on talking to their child about BDD, seeking professional treatment, considering medication, managing social media use, working with schools to build a recovery team and more.
The Parent's Guide to Body Dysmorphic Disorder is an essential guidebook for parents of children of children and young people with BDD.

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Recognising there is a problem It can often be tricky with teenagers to know if appearance concerns are a 'normal' part of being an adolescent or whether it is BDD. The biggest give-away is if the preoccupation with their appearance and associated behaviours cause them significant distress and interfere with their life.

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Supporting children and young people's transitions to secondary school

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Supporting children and young people's transitions to secondary school

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Joe Wicks wants parents to talk about their mental health - here's how you can do it

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Joe Wicks wants parents to talk about their mental health - here's how you can do it

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Parents naturally want to protect their children and will often keep from them difficulties they are going through in their own lives… Particularly, it seems, when they are dealing with their own mental health battles. However, for Joe Wicks, this silence, and not knowing, only made it more difficult for him to cope as a child.

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Parents naturally want to protect their children and will often keep from them difficulties they are going through in their own lives... Particularly, it seems, when they are dealing with their own mental health battles. However, for Joe Wicks, this silence, and not knowing, only made it more difficult for him to cope as a child.

Joe Wicks:

I was really not ready for this wave of emotion and gratitude that came through.
Aw, someone's knitted me, look. It's got all the big curly hair and the beard.
But the one thing I never expected, was that so many of the mums and dads who took part with their kids would start contacting me - not about their physical health, but about their mental health.

"Dear Joe, for many reasons I've struggled with my mental health over the past few years... my son's father has mental health, as well as addiction issues... I suffer with very low self-esteem and confidence, and felt really depressed... as a mid-40s woman, who suffers with anxiety and depression..."

Again the words that keep popping up - it's just literally anxiety, depression, anxiety, depression so much of it. You can't process that, you can't just go "oh that's another one, thanks!" Like it's, every single one of these stories is a real person.

The thing is, I do relate to it. My mum and dad were up and down, up and down, all my life. My mum had severe OCD and my dad was in and out of rehab - like, it was madness. I remember sort of being a child and just being like so upset and confused and lost. It was really tough, and then when I read these letters from parents that are saying that they're going through similar mental health issues, I can't help but feel a connection.

I worry about what impact parents' mental health is having on kids, about how my own childhood has affected me.

It comes in waves, some days I'm like, "I really love this", other days I just want it to stop, I don't want to be the 'body coach', I just want to be Joe. I don't want to have to carry all these emotions and stuff, it's like I'm just in the middle of it all, aren't I? It's just like this is what I do, but it does, it must, affect me more than I think.

Although best known for getting the country exercising over lockdown, Joe has other goals - one of these is to encourage parents who are suffering with their mental health to be open with their children. In his documentary, Joe Wicks: Facing My Childhood, Joe speaks to others who have had similar experiences to his own.

During the documentary, Joe met Dympna Cunnane, psychologist and Chief Executive Officer of Our Time, a charity which supports children who have a parent with a mental illness.

She's seen how parents facing difficulties with their own mental health can find it difficult to share this with their kids. "It's often the case that parents have never spoken [about it] to their children. And it's that silence that leaves both parents and children struggling alone."

Dympna spoke to the Parents' Toolkit about the positives that can come from being open with your child as well as giving advice on how best to have these conversations.

Not talking about mental illness can be the default for many families, like it was for Joe's...

"There's a lot of stigma about mental illness so parents often feel embarrassed and ashamed," says Dympna. "They keep it to themselves because they are concerned that the child might also be ashamed and embarrassed about the illness."

Dympna says that often parents aren't speaking in an attempt to protect their children, but she thinks that this can make things worse, not better.

"By not talking about it, it leaves the child feeling confused and scared," says Dympna. "Sometimes they might feel responsible for not being able to make their parent happy."

Not speaking to a child about mental illness doesn't mean they won't be exposed to it, explains Dympna: "When parents don't communicate, the children are left alone to understand what's going on around them. Without a conversation explaining what's happening, it becomes a kind of secret, but it's not as if it goes away."

That's how Joe felt...

The idea of talking to your child about your mental health can be daunting. Dympna has seen how parents themselves don't often have a language, other than using medical diagnosis terms, with which to explain things to their children.

She has advice on how make these topics suitable for younger children ...

At the very early ages, you're really talking about feelings and moods - like happiness and sadness - which children understand very well.

If your child is upset or worrying, it is best to listen to their concerns and explain in plain, child-friendly language rather than the language of mental illness which could increase their worries.

It's important that these conversations go two ways - you want an open channel so your child can share their feelings too.

You can use stories, books, cartoons, which are age-appropriate and easily accessible, to help you open up the conversation with your child.

As your child gets older, Dympna explains that you can gradually introduce more complicated language to explain how your illness affects you and may change your behaviour, emphasising that it's not their fault or their responsibility to make you better.

They might also hear things on the playground about mental illness that they don't understand," she continues. "It will be helpful for you to give them a good explanation so that they can challenge any myths and stereotypes that arise. In this way the child can feel confident about their own understanding and possibly help others to be more sympathetic."

"Then, as they get to teenage years, they need more hard information about how the brain works, what anxiety is," says Dympna. "They will Google anyway, so for the parent, it's about being ready for that."

It's a good idea to plan when, where and how you're going to have these conversations, says Dympna.

"Think about how you're going to do it. Think about your language. Think about what might be the best moment. The right moment will come if you've thought about it. And I think most parents know that there are bad moments and good moments."

If you or your child are distressed, that may not be the right time, they might simply need reassurance until they feel better. "Find a quiet moment to do it where there's a sense of connectedness."

You don't need to do this alone. Dympna says it can be useful for another family member or family friend to be there. Letting your child know that they can mention what's happening to another adult is important too: "One of the most important things is that the child doesn't become isolated and has another trusted adult to talk to."

Sharing is important, but boundaries are vital. "I think it's really important that you think about when you share the information and the level of which you share it. You don't need to give all the personal details." She adds, "With oversharing you risk passing the burden onto them."

Dympna has seen first-hand the positives from having these conversations. "What we hear from the children who are in our workshops is for the first time somebody is actually talking to them about this thing that they know is there, but they haven't been allowed to speak about it. It's such a relief. They don't feel responsible anymore for their parents' bad mood.

"When somebody does talk to them, whether it's an ill parent or a well parent, then the child can cope better with the changes in the parents' mood or behaviour because they understand it as an illness rather than as the parents being angry with them."

She explains that this can improve relationships: "They develop sympathy for the parent, rather than fear and anger."

Once you've had that first conversation, Dympna explains that these chats can just become another part of normal life.
"I think that's about the continuing conversation. It's like anything else in the family that needs to be talked about over and over again, this is one of them. It's important that the communication channel is available and open."

Joe is hopeful that by having these conversations, parents across the country can make a real impact...

Parents' Toolkit and Netmums commissioned a survey which spoke to over 2000 parents of primary children about attitudes and experiences of mental health in 2022. It found that parents have been experiencing a sense of uncertainty that hasn't gone away and some faced challenges which they say could have impacted their child's mental health. Read more here...

Speaking to BBC's Tiny Happy People - Joe Wicks shares his thoughts on parenting, baby number four, big families and being a partner.

More from BBC Bitesize Parents' Toolkit...

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Joe Wicks wants parents to talk about their mental health - here's how you can do it - Parents' Toolkit - BBC Bitesize

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As Joe Wicks grew up his parents both suffered poor mental health. He wants parents to talk more - opening up conversations around mental wellbeing to help families understand and offer support.

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Eating disorders affect not only the person who’s ill, but those around them too. If you’re supporting someone with an eating disorder, our carer services have been designed with you in mind.

Whether you need 1-2-1 emotional support, want to connect with others or to learn new skills, our range of support services can help.

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Our services if you’re supporting someone with an eating disorder - Beat

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Beat services offering support and guidance for parents, siblings and other carers of someone with an eating disorder.

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If you think your child or teenager might have an eating disorder, there are warning signs to look out for and ways to get help and support. Here are some expert tips and advice, as well as helpful links for parents…

4 things to look out for if you think your child might have an eating disorder

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Eating disorders are serious mental illnesses where people misuse food to try to cope with difficult feelings and situations. It's not surprising that, for many young people who have eating disorders or could develop them, the anxiety and stress of the last few years has made it harder to cope.
If you think your child or teenager might have an eating disorder, there are warning signs to look out for and ways to get help and support. Here are some expert tips and advice, as well as helpful links for parents...

What should you be looking out for?

The sooner someone gets the support they need, the more chance they have of getting better. The first changes you might notice probably won't be physical, but to do with how they feel and act. Here are some things to think about if you're worried about your child...

How do they feel about food?

Eating disorders aren't really about food - the way someone treats food as part of their eating disorder is a way to cope with things they're struggling with. This looks different from person to person, but most people experience some or all of...

Limiting how much they eat, by eating much less or by only eating certain types of food.

Eating a lot of food at once without feeling any control over what they're doing (bingeing).

Getting rid of food they've eaten by, for example, making themselves sick or doing lots of exercise (purging).

They may want lots of detail about what's going into a meal, be concerned about how healthy the food they're eating is, or find reasons not to join you for dinner, like saying they're not hungry or they'll eat in their room.

They might not finish meals; or take a long time to do so - cutting up food into tiny pieces or repeatedly pushing it around the plate can be ways that people delay eating or try to make it look as though they've eaten more than they have.

You might find they often leave quickly after a meal - going straight to the bathroom or to exercise could be a sign that they're trying to get rid of the food they've just eaten.

If someone is bingeing, you might notice that they're buying lots of food, or that food is running out faster than you would expect. Binge eating isn't something the person feels any control over - they might feel a lot of guilt and shame, and try to cover it up (for example, by running the shower to cover the sound of being sick).

Are they more withdrawn?

It may not be obvious if your child is starting to isolate themselves. They may be avoiding you and other people they live with, or, if you're not in a house together, they may be getting in touch less or not wanting to talk for very long. You may have noticed that they're catching up with friends less often, or that they're reluctant to partipate in the hobbies they've enjoyed in the past.

They may also seem to be losing interest in solitary activities that they've enjoyed and might replace these with food or exercise-based hobbies that seem to be filling a lot of their time.

Have they lost their confidence?###

Eating disorders can really affect someone's confidence and self-esteem. This might mean they have body image concerns - they may be unhappy with their appearance, negatively compare themselves to other people, regularly check their reflection or weigh themselves, or alternatively avoid the mirror or scales. But it might affect their confidence in other areas too, such as school, hobbies, or relationships, and you may find that they set very high standards for themselves.

What's their mood like?

Having an eating disorder affects every area of a person's life. They may seem more anxious or unhappy, not just around food, their weight or shape, but other things too. You might find they're more irritable or go through mood swings, and they could struggle to concentrate. Often people experience an eating disorder like "a voice in their head" - this eating disorder voice might make them behave in ways that seem very out of character, and it's good to remember that this is not their fault.

How can you help?

Key to helping your child is to do so as quickly as possible. It's much more likely that someone will get better if they get the support they need early on. Here's what you can do to approach them about your concerns...

Make sure you're speaking to them in a space that feels safe. That's probably somewhere quiet where you won't be disturbed, but think about mood, too (neither of you should feel upset or angry) and about timing (avoid talking just before or after meals).

While it may not be possible to completely avoid it, try to steer clear of food or weight. Try to focus instead on changes to their behaviour or things that are concerning you.

Remember, they may feel defensive, as the eating disorder is often a way to cope that they may be reluctant to give up. They also may not be aware that they are ill. Speak to them in a way that makes it clear you're on their side and aren't accusing them of doing anything wrong - "I've noticed you seem quite stressed at the moment; how can I help?" is a better way to raise concerns, for example, than "Why are you so stressed?"

If they do get angry or deny there's anything wrong, don't be disheartened or put off. Reassure them that your concern is with their wellbeing and they can talk to you any time. Try to pick up the conversation again as soon as you can.

Book a GP appointment as soon as possible, so that you can ask for a referral to an eating disorders specialist. Eating disorder charity Beat has a leaflet to take along to a GP appointment, to help you get a quick a referral as possible.

Autistic people can often have a difficult relationship with food. In this article, Christine McGuinness: Unmasking My Autism - advice for parents, an expert discusses how, "approximately 25% of females going to services for anorexia may also meet diagnostic criteria for autism, but have never had the latter diagnosis."

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Eating disorders: the warning signs and what to do about them

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Expert advice helps parents to spot signs and tackle issues around food misuse, bingeing, exercising, control worries and anxiety.

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Talking Mental Health with children at secondary school

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Talking Mental Health with children at secondary school

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This leaflet developed by Anna Freud's child mental health experts and featuring an introduction from Anna Freud's Chief Executive, Professor Peter Fonagy, provides simple advice and guidance to parents and carers about how to make conversations about their child's feelings part of everyday conversation.

The teenage years are both exciting and challenging to parents and carers. It can be hard to know whether your child's feelings and behaviour are normal or becoming a problem.

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Advice for parents and carers: talking mental health with young people at secondary school

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A leaflet for secondary schools to share with parents and carers, offering top tips for speaking to young people about mental health.

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Strategies to help children with sensory sensitivities

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Strategies to help children with sensory sensitivities

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Getting dressed and ready for the day can become a big challenge for those children who do not like the feeling of their clothes (e.g. tags, seams, twisting). Try these strategies to make the process go smoother, quicker and less threatening for your child.

7 Strategies To Help A Child With Sensory Sensitivities Get Dressed:

Have your child engage in heavy work to warm up their bodies prior to dressing. For example push a laundry basket full of blankets, wall pushes, animal walks, etc.

Provide your child with calming pressure. There are many strategies to provide pressure, including a weighted blanket, weight stuffed animals, hugs, or slow massage.

Keep auditory distractions to a minimum while dressing being performed. For example turn off television or radio.

Set out clothes the night before with your child. This will help the task run smoother if your child already picked out an outfit. Having your child help with picking out their clothes provides them with a choice of preferred clothing and some control over the task. Examples of preferred clothing may include tight, loose, cotton, no tags, etc.

Make a dressing routine and stick with it. This will provide a comfortable environment for your child, as they will know what to expect and when.

When helping your child dress, approach from the front and provide a warning before touching to avoid unexpected touch which may be startling for you child.

Leave extra time and discuss how much time the task should take prior to starting. A timed timer can provide a visual cue for your child of how long the task of dressing should take (e.g. timed timer, kitchen timer, watch).

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Dressing Strategies to Help Kids with Sensory Sensitivities - North Shore Pediatric Therapy

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Getting dressed and ready for the day can become a big challenge for those children who do not like the feeling of their clothes (e.g. tags, seams, twisting). Try these strategies to make the process go smoother, quicker and less threatening for your child. 7 Strategies To Help A Child With Sensory Sensitivities Get Dressed: [...]

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Here, we'll discuss the specific considerations for sensory issues with clothes. You'll also find intervention strategies to support children with clothing sensitivities. The thing is that sensory processing issues for children can be highly complex and sometimes puzzling to those who do not have these difficulties. We see children that refuse to wear socks or shoes. Or we see children who will not put on pants in the dead of winter. Other kids can't tolerate the seams of shorts or the fasteners of bras. How do you support individuals with sensory sensitivities? Let's talk about strategies to address clothing sensitivities.

This post addresses and discusses considerations and a few possible solutions for clothing sensitivities to provide insight and areas to investigate in order to provide a child with the best possible sensory experiences with dressing and clothing as possible. The considerations are not all encompassing, but do provide valuable information in pursuit of understanding the possible reasons for clothing sensitivities for a child.

Sensory issues with clothes

Sensory issues with clothes and other sensory challenges can interfere with school, community, and home life for children who struggle with sensory processing on a daily, hourly, or even minute by minute basis. Sensory issues can be random, sporadic and happen one time, but not another despite similarities in circumstances.

A child can also have sensory sensitivities and not be diagnosed with a disorder per se, but even sensitivities have a real impact on daily functioning. Check out these clothing red flags for common sensory issues that come up again and again.

A common sensory issue reported by parents are their child's clothing sensitivities. This involves more than the child who always wants to wear the same shirt because it has their favorite logo on it or it is their favorite color as this is more about style preference. It's dealing more with a child who has real issues donning clothing and refuses to wear an article of clothing based on the way it feels causing the child to cry and scream and not be able to proceed with the task of dressing.

Using certain clothing preferences to address clothing sensitivities include sensory friendly clothing options.

All of us have separate sensory systems that help us register, discriminate, and process sensory input. When there is a clothing sensitivity, this is dealing with the tactile (touch) sense and how the information from that sense is sending information to our brain to process. These may show up as tactile defensiveness in some.

We have fabrics we like as they are cozy and provide us comfort and we have fabrics that are scratchy and prickly causing anxiety and keeping us on edge not allowing us to focus on much of anything else other than getting it off. Some individuals with serious sensory issues register this input as harmful and even dangerous making them want to flee or do anything to get that feeling away from them. An important thing to remember is never force a child to don something that they perceive as painful or harmful. A child's dramatic responses, such as mentioned above, can make home life chaotic and frustrating.

Stating the obvious, dressing is a necessary part of daily living and clothing is required for a child to engage in school and community life and it helps for clothing to be worn at home even though it is not completely necessary there. With some children who do have intense clothing sensitivities, they find their home is a free place to go without clothes.

If you are a parent, these considerations can help you investigate and pinpoint the possible problem with clothing or dressing for your child. These considerations can give you valuable information to either share with your child's OT practitioner or to pursue an assessment with an occupational therapist. Occupational therapy practitioners can provide interventions specifically directed for your child and their needs as every child is different and requires a skilled set of eyes with knowledge of your child and their needs to provide the best possible interventions and opportunity for your child's successful daily life engagement.

Sometimes considering simple clothing anatomy for sensory sensitivities can be a good place to start, but there are other areas of clothing and the tactile (touch) sense that need to be explored a little more directly. We'll look at both in this post.

Related: Sensory issues that impact fine motor skills can make fastening buttons and zippers a difficulty for many children.

Sensory issues with Pants

Consider: length of shirt sleeves and pant legs. The feeling of pant legs and sleeves can cause aggravation to the child's extremities. Maybe the sounds of fabric while walking such as when wearing denim or corduroy or even the feeling of the leg fabric rubbing together while walking is enough to irritate.

Consider: elastic waistbands vs. zippered and buttoned pants as they may work better for the child. Elastic can provide more flexibility and comfort for some children. Does the waistband roll down or bunch up or are there hidden adjustable waist band apparatuses? Adjustable apparatuses can be cut out by an adult if necessary.

Consider: if there are tags or buttons sewn into the seam of pants of shorts. A tag at the back of pants can cause irritation. These can be removed by cutting out or purchase tag-free clothing.

Consider: certain textures may be more irritating to the skin or even possibly pulling arm or leg hair. If older, shaving legs can help. If the texture feel is the difficulty, purchase clothing with more soft and natural materials.

Sensory issues with shirts

Consider: The length of shirt sleeves. The feeling of sleeves can cause a tight sensation in the arm pits or around the neck, elbows, or wrists, causing aggravation to the child's extremities. Clothing can feel too tight in the trunk.

Consider: length of shirt tails as they can be drafty if short, especially when sitting.

Consider: if the clothes are too tight or too loose. Do they sway or shift when they move? Does the fabric bunch up in the arm pits or at the wrists from being too big? Purchase clothing with the fit that is preferred for size and pressure, maybe they like tight vs. loose.

Consider: graphics on shirts and get one-dimensional graphics if necessary therefore no sequins, gems, puffy pieces, etc. are impacting the child.

Consider: if the seams in clothing are large or thick with too much fabric inside the clothing causing discomfort. Check this before you purchase clothing items. Purchase seamless clothing or turn clothing inside out as appropriate.

Consider: the pulling of hair as a shirt is pulled over the head or being too tight of a neck hole causing irritation. Purchase button up shirts vs. overhead shirts.

Consider: some clothes may be more uncomfortable to wear due to the feel of waistbands, cuffs, or collars. Explore if they are too tight, too loose, ribbed or simply hemmed. Maybe a certain type is preferred over another. Purchase no collared clothing or lightly hemmed cuffs vs snug-fitting, ribbed cuffs.

General Sensory Considerations with Clothing

Sensory issues with clothes can look different for every individual. But, there are some common similarities that make helping those with clothing sensitivities more comfortable and functional. Try these general considerations:

Consider: some clothing may be hotter or even colder to wear.

Consider: how clothes fit and adhere to the body when sitting vs. standing. Also, check regarding static cling in different seasons and purchase cling free dryer sheets to help when drying clothes.

Consider: layers of clothing to keep warm rather than wearing a jacket.

Consider: the smell of the clothing. Is the smell of the detergent, fabric softener or dryer sheet too strong for the child to tolerate? Purchase odorless detergent, softener or dryer sheets.

Consider: the color of the article of clothing, if they've had a bad experience with a certain color, it could be recalled for every article of clothing that color.

Sensory Socks and Shoes

Issues with wearing socks or shoes is a common concern for those with sensory challenges.

Consider: checking sock seams and the position on the toes. How do the socks fit? Are they a good size, too tight, too loose, too short, or too long? Have the socks stretched and become ill-fitting? Purchase seamless socks or wear them inside out.

Consider: if socks are smooth or have fuzz ball lent on them. Are they nylon or cotton fabric, thick or thin? Purchase socks that do not gather fuzz balls as they are washed.

Consider: if toe nails are scrapping the fabric when donning. Do the shoes "eat" the socks when walking causing them to ball up under the heel? Cut the toe nails and purchase socks that do not get pulled under the heel.

Consider: shoe comfort such as width, size, and how high the backs are. Are the shoes too tight or too loose? Purchase shoes that have an open heel.

Consider: if the tongue is twisted or shifted. Is there anything inside that could be poking or irritating the foot? Make sure to put laces through the slots on shoe tongues to keep them straight, if this is part of the shoe design.

Understand that shoes fit and feel different with and without socks and even with thick or thin socks.

Sensory Issues and Underwear

Consider: the seams in the underwear, especially in the crotch. Are the genitals comfortable? Purchase underwear without seams or fewer seams.

Consider: if they fit too loose or too tight. Maybe they prefer more tightness like boxer briefs or maybe they prefer more looseness like regular briefs. Is the waistband too high, too low, too tight or too loose on the stomach? Is the hip design too high or too low?

Consider: if they bunch up when pants or shorts are donned. Does the underwear ride the groove between the buttocks when walking or moving? Do they harbor hygiene odors?

Consider: if the child has thigh sensitivity and underwear is possibly pulling leg hair such as with boxer briefs.

Sensory Issues and Bras

Sensory issues in teens can show up in different ways than the younger years. Some considerations include the need for a bra. For kids that previously have struggled with tight or scratchy sensations with clothing, wearing a bra can be difficult. Here are some things to consider:

Consider: the fit of the bra. Is it too tight and causing discomfort from the straps, rings/sliders, under band, or underwire as evidenced by skin markings and redness? Purchase bralettes or bras that do not have these features. Maybe an athletic bra would be better.

Consider: if they are sensitive to the feel of the hook closures against the back when leaning on a surface. Do the straps brush the arm as they slide off of the shoulder causing some irritation? Does the fabric feel uncomfortable such as with lace that tends to be scratchy?

Sensory Pajamas

Sleepwear can cause a lot of issues for some children. Pajamas can be tight and compressing, which can benefit other children who prefer and benefit from compression garments. Others, however, can feel too much pressure that impacts sleep. Here are some things to consider about sensory issues and pajamas.

Consider: the fit of sleepwear. Is it too tight, too loose, too hot, too cold, too scratchy, or too silky? Is the texture of the material such as fleece, silk, nylon, cotton, spandex, etc. cause irritation or does the sound of it against the bed sheets cause sensitivity?

Consider: if wearing p.j. bottoms, do the legs of the pants ride up the leg while moving in bed causing bunching and sensitivity? Do the shirt sleeves shift up the arm when sleeping making them uncomfortable causing bunching and creases that rub or mark the skin?

Consider: if buttons cause discomfort when lying on the stomach. Do collars or tags irritate? Do ribbed cuffs or seams cause irritation?

Investigate the fabric and other issues of the bed sheets and covers. Explore the sounds, feel, temperature, fuzz balls on the fabric due to washing, smell of detergent, softener, dryer sheets, static cling, etc.

There are many ways to address these sensory sensitivities. Sometimes any number of the above solutions can help. Allowing a child to shop for their own clothing and make their own choices while acknowledging and respecting their desire and need for certain tolerated textures can help with sensory issues.

But for those with more intense sensitivities the best bet for success is looking at a sensory diet tailored to their direct needs. If you are a parent, contact an occupational therapist for assistance. They are available to assess, treat, and consult regarding your child's specific sensory needs. Often times, sensory sensitivities can be significantly reduced or even completely eliminated with proper treatment.

In the Sensory Lifestyle Handbook, we cover various options to address sensory issues in children and teens. You'll find in this comprehensive resource, strategies to implement a motivating and meaningful sensory diet that is integrated right into day-to-day activities and tasks in order to create a lifestyle of sensory solutions.
Read more about the Sensory Lifestyle Handbook here.
How to support children with clothing sensitivities

If you are an occupational therapy practitioner, below are some activities or intervention ideas which can help support a child with their tactile sensitivities. Be sure to go through the considerations listed above to investigate where clothing sensitivities are stemming from in regards to specific clothing. This step can help with finding clothing styles and types that meet the needs of the individual child.

1. Explore a variety of fabrics on the skin by using fabric swatches - increase time as tolerated.

2. Desensitize skin with lotion rubbing prior to donning clothing.

3. Use whole body deep pressure activities.

4. Present a variety of textured materials by dressing a doll with various textured clothes.

5. Consider using an OT sensory brushing or pressure protocol.

6. Massage with a towel vigorously prior to introducing new textures.

7. Rub feet with lotion or towel prior to donning socks or shoes.

8. Provide textured material exploration with sensory bins

9. Provide textured floor mats for feet.

10. Explore textures using stuffed animals of different textures.

11. Suggest tight-fitting swim or biking shirt or shorts, spandex clothing or workout attire under clothes.

12. Use vibration to the extremities and back/neck as tolerated even allowing child to do this - sometimes the child will choose to do this themselves.

13. Use firm pressure activities such as rolling a therapy ball up and down the body (avoid the face).

14. Use a squeeze machine or body sock.

15. Roll child up in a bedsheet (not the face) like a taco.

16. Use firm pressure to the top of the head or up and down the arms/legs.

17. Give hugs.

18. Rub lotion on body prior to dressing as dry skin can be more easily irritated than moist skin.

19. Use a compression shirt.

20. Create a tailored sensory diet. You'll find more information on how to create a sensory diet here.

Utilize the motivating strategies in the Sensory Lifestyle Handbook to integrate a sensory diet right into the daily life activities of each child, in a way that works for the whole family.
Click here to grab your copy of the Sensory Lifestyle Handbook.

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How to Help Kids with Sensory Issues with Clothes - The OT Toolbox

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Know a child that refuses to wear socks or pants or has other sensory issues with clothes? These considerations and interventions will help.

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connect_mhst | Twitter, Instagram | Linktree

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Mental Health Support Team for North Tyneside

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Five simple ways you can support your child’s mental health

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Five simple ways you can support your child’s mental health

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Tips to help your child to develop good emotional resilience and hopefully help to prevent any mental health concerns, but they’re no substitute for professional support if it’s required. Remember to seek advice and support from your GP if you are concerned about your child’s mental health.

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5 simple ways you can support your child’s mental health - Family Action

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This week is children’s mental health week – which is a great opportunity to raise awareness of the challenges our young people face. It’s something we need to talk about more than ever, as local government, education and health providers are increasingly recognising the impact has COVID had on our…

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Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

If you are worried that your child is thinking of harming themselves or is feeling suicidal, it is always better to ask about this than ignore it. Open and supportive conversation can make all the difference.

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Parent’s Guide to Depression | Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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If you are worried that your son or daughter is thinking of harming themselves or is feeling suicidal, it is always better to ask about this than ignore it. Open and supportive conversation can make all the difference.

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Our A-Z guide gives you advice on how to help your child with their feelings and behaviour, as well as mental health conditions and life events. We’ll also show you where you can get help.

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Our A-Z guide gives you advice on how to help your child with their feelings and behaviour, as well as mental health conditions and life events. We'll also show you where you can get help.

For information and advice on the cost-of-living crisis, including where to find financial support for you and your family, read our guide to money and mental health.

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Parents' A-Z Mental Health Guide | Mental Health Advice

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Our A-Z guide to support has information and advice on how to help your child with specific mental health conditions, and difficult feelings & life events.

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Growing attention is now being placed on the importance of positive mental health amongst men and boys: eyes have been opened to the need to break down stigmas and change the narrative for males in today’s society.

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Having the confidence to come forward and seek help can be tough for men and boys. Men have a tendency to leave it until they are much further down the line than women before speaking up when they're struggling; often, it's not until the point at which they feel they have no other choice than to seek help - by this stage they may feel desperate, suicidal or have turned to drugs, alcohol, violent behaviour or having frequent shifts in their mood. Men may start to notice that their behaviours are different but may not necessarily realise that they feel different: disconnection is quite common when it comes to male mental health, and often men and boys seek help when they feel 'up against it' and don't know what else to do.

Men are more likely to accept mental health support because a particular service or pathway has been recommended to them - men won't necessarily seek out mental health services themselves, and some service providers do not currently use language that appeals to male audiences. In our society, men aren't typically brought up to talk about growth, support, caring, talking and sharing: we should be - after all, these are essential elements to building and maintaining positive mental health - but we don't talk to boys anywhere near enough in this way - or, at least, we haven't in the past. This is beginning to change.

To give a personal example, a group session for men struggling with anxiety attracted no attendees when it first ran - but when it was repositioned as 'developing a toolkit for success', it suddenly became so popular that it had a waiting list! We need to make sure we're speaking in a language that resonates with men and boys when it comes to mental health. While this is a generalisation and doesn't apply to all, men are much more likely than women to reach the point of desperation before seeking help - and will be more inclined to use a service that they feel will not judge them.

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Men and mental health: why seeking and receiving help matters

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Having the confidence to come forward and seek help can be tough for men and boys. Men have a tendency to leave it until they are much further down the line than women before speaking up when they're struggling; often, it's not until the point at which they feel they have no other choice than to seek help - by this stage they may feel desperate, suicidal or have turned to drugs, alcohol, violent behaviour or having frequent shifts in their mood.

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The Toby Henderson Trust (TTHT) is an independently funded charity supporting autistic children, young people and adults, their families and carers in the North East of England.

We provide relevant, appropriate and accessible support for autistic young people from two years into adulthood, whilst also empowering parents, families and carers by sharing knowledge, experience and understanding.  We acknowledge that yours or your child’s situation is unique and we encourage you to contact us to discuss how we can offer individual support.

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The Toby Henderson Trust | Autism charity providing advice & support in Northumberland

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The Toby Henderson Trust is an independently funded charity supporting children and young adults with autism, their families, and carers in the North East.

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Mr Burton’s top 5 tips for mobile phone and online safety

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Head teacher Matthew Burton gives his advice on how to manage your child’s mobile phone and online use.

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Looking After Yourself During Your GCSEs: A Guide for Pupils

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Looking After Yourself During Your GCSEs: A Guide for Pupils

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An Emotionally Healthy Approach to GCSEs: A Guide for Parents

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An Emotionally Healthy Approach to GCSEs: A Guide for Parents

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Managing Stress and Anxiety during exams and assessments

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Managing Stress and Anxiety during exams and assessments

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Managing Stress and Anxiety during exams and assessments

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Tips for students and apprentices to support their wellbeing during exams and assessments.

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Cumbria, Northumberland, Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust

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Information for anyone in North Tyneside experiencing problems with drugs and alcohol. It tells you the kind of support available, who the service is for and how to arrange an appointment.

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North Tyneside Recovery Partnership - Service user information leaflet

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Information for anyone in North Tyneside experiencing problems with drugs and alcohol. What support is available, who the service is for and how to be seen.

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Hello!

We are happy you found us.

Are you worried about someone else's drug or alcohol use?

Do you have questions you would like to ask?

Would you like to know more about drugs and alcohol?

You have come to the right place.

We support young people aged 11-18 in Newcastle Upon Tyne and 5-18 in North Tyneside.

You can message us here up until 9pm, or find us on:

Facebook

Instagram

Mobile

We are happy to chat with you. If you message us after 9pm we will reply the next day.

If you want to meet face to face with our young person's worker, they will meet with you at a place you feel comfortable. This could be at school, youth club, or somewhere in town.

We will chat with you about what is going on and help you to understand the situation better.

This is a confidential service* so we will not go telling other people! (*unless you or someone else is at risk) View our privacy policy.

What we will cover

Understanding drug or alcohol use within your family

Your thoughts and feelings about what's going on

Staying positive

Keeping Safe

Having fun

We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking "Accept", you consent to the use of ALL the cookies.

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As part of the Young Person's Project at PROPS, we support young people aged 11-18 in Newcastle Upon Tyne to understand drug and alcohol use within their family.

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While it's very easy to focus on the worst aspects of any situation, it's not good for building your personal resilience. Even the worst possible situations have an upside so, while it may be difficult when something bad is happening, try and think of one kind of benefit you'll be getting out of it. You may want to think about things such as what you can learn from your experience, what this situation has helped you find out about someone, or what it's helped you find out about yourself.
Appreciate your strength
When you're going through something difficult, it's easy to forget how strong you are. Try and remember other times in your life when you've got through something challenging. Remember how strong you were to get through those circumstances, and take heart from the fact that you know you have the strength to get through whatever you're going through now.
Remind yourself you always have a choice
Whatever you're going through, you have a choice as to how you react to it. It may not feel like it, but it's completely up to you whether you let your situation defeat you, or whether you choose to have the strength to get through it. It doesn't make you weak if you decide you don't have the strength at the moment, but remembering that you always have a choice is a great was to remind yourself that you have power in any situation, and it's great for building personal resilience.
Don't hold a grudge
Holding a grudge isn't good for your resilience - in fact someone once said that holding on to a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. If you keep focussing on an incident where someone has angered you or done you wrong, you'll stay angry and not be able to move beyond it. Holding a grudge will end up affecting you negatively, because you'll end up thinking lots of negative thoughts. So instead it's much better to put your grudge behind you and practice thinking positively instead - you'll be amazed how much better you'll feel when you let those bad feelings go!
Take a step back
While an issue, situation or argument may feel very immediate and intense the moment it happens, it's really helpful to ask yourself how you will feel about the thing that's upsetting you in a week, a month or a year? Thinking this way about events and issues that affect you will help you have some perspective about how much you should let them bother you.

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Mental resilience is how you deal with challenging life events. Being mentally resilient gives you the strength to get through tough times.

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Building resilience in children and teens

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Building resilience in children and teens

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Help them build positive relationships with their friends and other adults

Help them learn to be independent in their actions and thoughts

Encourage them to understand, express and manage their emotions

Help them build their confidence by taking on challenges and allow them to learn from it even if they do not manage to complete the challenges

Other ways to build resilience in your child or teen includes:

Setting personal goals and challenges - Encourage them to plan goals and challenges, which help to boost their self-esteem and confidence. Whether they accomplish them or not, it helps them learn about life in a wider sense.

Invest in their self-esteem - Having a strong sense of self can help them build resilience against any forms of adversity in their lives. Encourage them to get to know who they are, what values they hold and help them take time out to work on themselves.

Encourage them to believe in themselves and their abilities - Help them put themselves first when they need to especially if they are in a stressful situation. Help them list all the things they are good at including being kind, helpful and loving and show them why these attributes are so essential in life. Thinking about their achievements no matter how big or small is great for their confidence.

Encourage them to develop a strong offline social network - Help them build a support network of friends and loved ones who love them for who they are. Give them space to spend quality time with their network and do the things they love to do. This will promote happiness and kindness.

Embracing change - Making necessary changes in all areas of life is a constant thing to do. Even if change is hard to do, try to encourage them to do it, as things will and do change. It is better to be in front of it rather than behind.

Learn to problem solve - These are essential skills for all areas of life. Encourage them to learn problem-solving skills as that is key to building resilience. No matter what the situation or issue is, there is always a resolve from it, even if it means walking away from something that no longer serves you.

See the bigger picture - Encourage your child or teen to see the bigger picture when faced with adversity. Share your experiences with them so they can see you understand what they are going through. Let them know that everything has a process and sometimes we have to go through these things to come out the other end stronger.

Mind, body and soul - Helping them look after themselves is crucial. Not only is it important for them to eat healthy and enjoy treats in moderation, but being active is important too for both mind and body. Getting enough sleep and learning positive mindfulness is important barriers and defence structures for stress, trauma and adversity.

Value who they are - Children will only learn to value themselves if those around them first value them. Give them lots of positive encouragement and praise. This will give them the necessary springboard to take on challenges and boost their self-worth.

Emotional flooding - When a child is upset they can't think straight or begin to sort out what they want to do - they are overwhelmed or 'emotionally flooded' If we think of emotions as water, when we are upset the thinking part of the mind becomes flooded. Listening gives our children a chance to express the feelings and gradually come back into a balanced state where they can start to think through the problem or let go of the feelings and move on. When we name their feelings and what they need, we are helping them understand their own feelings and needs rather than being led by them. Children who learn to handle their emotions tend to have better physical and emotional health, do better at school and get on better with friends. Let them know it is ok for them to seek help and support too if they need this.
Bubblevision
Sometimes, stress is inevitable. Help them create a stress-free zone and teach them this. Make yourself comfortable and close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths and let them out slowly - feel yourself sink more deeply into your seat. Imagine yourself surrounded by a bubble that protects you. Be aware of all the outside things and people that make demands on your life. Now, as you breathe out, feel yourself gently making your bubble bigger, pushing back all these demands. All your worries can wait. Every time you breathe out, make your bubble a bit larger until you feel comfortable. Know that you can step out of the bubble whenever you need to, but for now just relax.

At Family Lives, we do understand how different each situation is. If you would like further support and advice, call us on 0808 800 2222 or email us at askus@familylives.org.uk. You can talk to us online via our live chat service, which is open, Monday to Friday between 1.30pm and 9pm. You can also use our online forums to talk to other parents and share experiences.

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Building resilience in children and teens

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Helping our children build resilience and confidence is one of the most important gifts we can give them.

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Five ways to build your child's resilience

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Five ways to build your child's resilience

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Children thrive on routine, predictability and boundaries - when they lose these factors in the long-term, and the reasons why can often by unavoidable, it can be a difficult time for parent and child. However, as parents, there are ways to help them not only cope, but prosper during these times.
The key to managing this is in helping them develop their resilience. Here are five ways to do this...

Parents can help their children feel safe and secure during uncertain times by helping them recognise that life is actually less certain than they think - but this is okay. In fact, it can be exciting not knowing exactly what will happen - surprises can sometimes be nice!

Remind them of times when unexpected events in their lives turned out to be great. Keep a journal with them of all uncertain things in their lives and note how they turn out. They won't all turn out to be good, but that's okay too (see the second tip).For example, that time when their grandparents turned up unexpectedly, when they saw a friend during a walk in the park, or when they found a treasured toy on sale in a charity shop. All these are examples of uncertainty and can help your child to start seeing an uncertain future as less threatening.

Not all unexpected events are good of course, and building resilience is about helping children cope with disappointment and things going wrong. Encourage your kids to talk about feelings and emotions so that they can recognise and label the feelings of disappointment and frustration that are normal reactions to set-backs. Help them to name these feelings when they notice them.

Show them that set-backs are an important part of life and lead by example - talk openly about things that have gone wrong in your life and demonstrate how to bounce back.

Note their set-backs (such as a cancelled birthday party) in a special book and look at what they can learn from them; would they do things differently in future? Or have they learned a new skill-set? Learning from set-backs is the key to raising resilient children and looking back over the list over a period of time can help them to grow from these events.

Resilient children are less afraid of making mistakes and more prepared to take risks - because they can cope with having got it wrong. Explain how we don't always know the answers or the right way to behave, but we can make the best choices we can - and accept if we get it wrong. This means showing them that mistakes are great ways to learn and are part of what makes us human.

You could even encourage them to make mistakes. Whether that be with homework, or craft projects or creating a new dish for supper - encourage them to take risks. Show them that making mistakes helps us learn - how will they know that sprinkling in a chosen spice creates an unpleasant taste if they don't try, or that adding red to the paint won't give them the hue they were after unless they experience it for themselves?

Again lead by example and don't let them see you beating yourself up for making a mistake - remove 'I should have...' from your vocabulary and change to 'I could have...'.

Resilient children are able to make age-appropriate decisions about the things that affect them. All parents want to protect their kids - it's part of the job description, but when we try too hard to protect them from life's bumps we can do more harm than good to their developing resilience.

When parents make choices for their child and are over-involved in their lives, children learn that they can't trust themselves and grow up believing that others always know better. Part of being resilient is learning to become independent and to trust in our own abilities - whilst asking for help where appropriate.

If they turn out to not be happy with their choice, help them accept responsibility for that so that they learn that they're largely accountable for their own happiness and achievements. You can do this by praising them for shrugging off bad choices or by helping them to live with them, for example you could say, 'maybe you wish you'd chosen the other meal but yours is great because it has roast potatoes - and next time you'll know to make a different choice.'

Finally, resilient children develop helpful, rather than unhelpful, ways of thinking. Examples of unhelpful thinking styles include catastrophising (assuming the very worse will happen), black and white thinking (seeing things only as either good or bad), ignoring the positives (dismissing when good things happen and only focusing on when bad things happen), fortune-telling (assuming they know what is going to happen) and over-generalisation (assuming that because something happened once, it will always be that way).

Challenge these beliefs by explaining the flaws in their thinking styles and that we all make such thinking mistakes sometimes and helping them see alternative perspectives that may be equally valid.

We can use these unusual circumstances to help our children develop the skills they will need to help them navigate the rough seas - not just now, but throughout their lives. Helping children become resilient means giving them the tools they need to cope with uncertainty and bounce back when life gets tough.

More from BBC Bitesize Parents' Toolkit...

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Five ways to build your child's resilience

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Psychology expert Dr Sandi Mann has some advice to help your children find resilience in their home and school lives.

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The protective factors that build resilience in children are found in everyday life. They are within the child's own personal resources, their family and the wider community. And they can help a child to meet and overcome challenges.

Here are some ways we can support the development of resilience:

Develop a sense of community belonging

Whenever possible, support your child to build a positive relationship with other important adults in their lives. This can help them develop better friendships and empathy and is linked to higher levels of educational achievement and self-esteem.

Model positive relationships

Happy relationships between parents and significant adults lead to better mental and physical health for all involved. Children thrive emotionally when they see and are involved in warm and caring relationships, where they are respected and valued.

Develop positive routines

It's good to remember that our mental health relies on physical routines. Try to find a routine that works for your family. One that has consistent and clear boundaries.

Help your child develop coping strategies

Coping strategies help us to deal with overwhelming feelings. Encourage your child to find one, or more, that they can turn to. For example, they could try relaxation, exercise, journaling, music, or distraction techniques.

Support your child to face specific challenges

Worries about everyday experiences are a good chance to help prepare your child to face future challenges. For instance, you could support them in managing the anxiety about going to a sleepover or presenting their work in assembly.

Let your child flex their muscles

It's so helpful for children to learn that they can do things on their own. Overprotecting them won't help. Remember that a tolerable amount of stress is actually beneficial.

Schools can be an important source of resilience for all children, so do team up with your child's school and access the support they offer.

Some children face multiple, and more serious, Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). These can affect them in adulthood unless they receive professional support. But they can gain understanding and control over the past and overcome significant adversity when they are helped to tell a meaningful story about difficult experiences.They might need specialist support from a mental health professional to do this.

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Place2Be: Parenting Smart: Raising a resilient child

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Do you want your child to feel safe, secure and strong? Place2be's mental health experts share their tips on raising resilient children.

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you're harming yourself

you're having thoughts about harming yourself

you're worried about minor injuries, such as small cuts or burns - without treatment there is a risk of infection

Some people who self-harm are at a higher risk of suicide.

It's important to get support or treatment as soon as possible to help with the underlying cause and prevent suicidal thoughts developing.

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Self-harm is when somebody intentionally damages or injures their body and is a sign of emotional distress. Support is available for anyone who self-harms or thinks about self-harm, as well as their friends and family.

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If you need help right now

If you feel like you are about to self-harm now, there are things you can do to help keep your mind off it. Watch the video about the TIPP technique - a simple technique you can use to help you in the moment.
If you are in an emergency or worried for your life you should call 999.

Self-harm is when you intentionally cause harm to yourself as a way of dealing with difficult feelings, traumatic experiences or memories, neglect, or situations that you find overwhelming. People sometimes self-harm when life feels hard to cope with.

Self-harm can look different for different people. You might find yourself doing things which are harmful, but not think of them as 'self-harm'. But that doesn't make your experience any less valid.

Self-harm can look like:

cutting yourself

using drugs or alcohol to cope with your problems

not eating, over-eating, or forcing yourself to throw up

spending all your time on addictive behaviours like gaming, social media or gambling

over-exercising and/or exercising when you are injured

biting, hitting or burning yourself

hitting walls

getting into situations on purpose where you risk getting hurt, including fights or risky sexual behaviour

Often self-harming only brings temporary relief. You might also have negative feelings after self-harming, such as guilt, shame or fear. When difficult feelings start to build up again, you might feel like you have to harm again. It can be really hard to break out of this cycle. Self-harming can become a habit and it can be upsetting to think that this is your only way to cope. But there are things you can do to stop self-harming and get better. And with support, you can learn other ways of coping when things feel too much.

People self-harm for many different reasons. Some people find it hard to explain why they do it, but often it's a way for people to let out feelings that are hard to explain or control.

There are many reasons why you might self-harm and these reasons will be different for everyone. You might be dealing with lots of intense thoughts and feelings and hurting yourself might feel like the only way to let those feelings out. Or you might feel numb and want to hurt yourself so that you can feel something.

For some people, self-harm feels like a way to show the feelings they have inside on the outside. It can be a way of:

People often start self-harming due to something stressful or upsetting that is going on in their life that is difficult to deal with . This could be something like:

suffering abuse

experiencing a traumatic incident

family problems like a divorce

money worries

bullying

a sudden change in your life, like a death, a relationship ending or moving school

exam stress or extreme pressure or criticism from family, friends, teachers or at work

low self-esteem or issues with body image

difficult feelings like loneliness, anxiety, depression or anger

an illness or health problem

feelings of guilt, failure, or being unloved

experiencing discrimination against your race, religion, sexuality, gender or disability

These are just examples. Whatever the reason you started self-harming, your feelings matter and you can get through this.

You may not always know the reason why you are self-harming. If you're unsure why, or don't understand the reasons, you are not alone and you can still get help.

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Artwork credit: @the_mini_ADHD_coach

An illustration of a face with eyes closed. Text reads: 'It's ok to feel overwhelmed.'

Things can happen in life that can leave us feeling overwhelmed, angry and hurt. Instead of finding ways to express those feelings to the world, we might start to take this pain and anger out on ourselves.

We might self-harm because we have learnt that in order to be accepted or loved we have to be 'perfect'. When we don't live up to this 'perfect' image we can feel like a 'failure'. The constant guilt, or worry about disappointing people, can make us feel like we need to punish ourselves for not being 'good enough'. If this resonates with you, you're not alone. With the right support, you can stop feeling this way, and learn to love yourself for who you are.

Sometimes people make comments about self-harm being attention-seeking. Comments like this can be hurtful and make you feel judged, alone or misunderstood. Those who self-harm actually often keep this private. However, if you do self-harm as a way of bringing attention to yourself, remember that there is nothing wrong with wanting people to notice you more and wanting to have your feelings taken seriously. You deserve to feel loved by those around you and you deserve support.

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Artwork credit: @ohhappydani

An illustration of six arms all of different skin tones. On each arm reads the word 'worthy'.

Overall, the most important thing which I hope everyone knows is you don't have to go through this alone.

I was only 14 when I started to self-harm. I was never intending to hurt myself. I was doing it for the sense of relief it provided. I felt like the only way I could function and leave my room was if I had that release.

Ways to keep yourself safe now

It's really important to keep yourself as safe as possible and reduce your risk of serious self-injury. Even though you want to stop self-harming, you might not feel able to stop straight away. Sometimes it can take time to find new ways to cope, and that's normal.

If you are unable to stop self-harming right now, make sure you are at least doing it as safely as possible. This means using sterile equipment, keeping your wounds clean, and avoiding mixing drugs and alcohol with other forms of self-harm. You can also call Samaritans at any time - whether you're thinking about self-harm or have already harmed yourself.
If you are in an emergency or worried for your life you should call 999 or go to A&E.

Things you can do to help

There are also lots of things you can do in the moment to help you not self-harm.

When you feel the urge to self-harm building, you could try to:

go for a walk or do some gentle exercise

distract yourself by focusing on your breathing

text a friend and let them know you need them to help you take your mind off things

play music and sing or dance along

hold an ice cube

write down your thoughts

hit a cushion or pillow

tear up a magazine or newspaper

make a self-soothe box

go to a public place like a park or a cafe

You might find the TIPP technique helps to stop your urge to self-harm.

This video explains how to use the TIPP technique to help you feel calmer.

Ways to keep yourself safe in the long term

There are also a number of ways to help yourself in the long term and support your recovery journey.

Talking about self-harm can feel difficult. It is understandable that you might feel nervous to talk to someone, feel like you'll be judged or feel you won't be understood. But talking about how you're feeling with someone you trust can help you to get the right support.

Try talking to someone you feel comfortable and safe with, like a friend or family member. If you don't feel like you can talk to friends or family, you could talk to someone in your wider community, such as a teacher, a school counsellor/nurse, a faith leader or a youth worker. Think about who you would feel most comfortable communicating with and how, whether it's face to face, over the phone, by text or email.

In some communities it can feel more difficult to reach out for help because of certain stigmas around mental health. If you reach out for help and the person you talk to does not react the way you hoped, remember that this reaction is about them, not you. Don't let their reaction discourage you from reaching out again. If you don't feel like you can reach out to someone you know, remember that there are still lots of people who can help. You may prefer to get support from a professional, a helpline or through a charity. Take a look at our list of organisations that can help, and don't struggle on your own.

Speaking to a professional about self-harm can feel scary, but it's often an important step to recovery. You may be worried that you'll be misunderstood or judged, but there are lots of trained people that you can talk to who understand and really care. That's because they speak to lots of young people who are going through this too. They are there to listen and support you.

It is helpful to tell the GP exactly what you are doing and what your worries are. If you need medical treatment for injuries, do make sure you get it. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to go to your GP or hospital for this - they are there to help you get better and it is not their job to judge you.

Your GP will listen and discuss the best options to support you. They might offer you an assessment with a local community mental health team, or if you are under 18, they can refer you to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) for an assessment. These assessments are so they can help you to find the right treatment, such as counselling or talking therapy, where you can talk with a trained mental health professional about what you are feeling and ways you can cope.

The types of talking therapy you might be offered include:

cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) - a type of therapy that focuses on how your thoughts, beliefs and attitudes affect your feelings and actions

dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) - a type of CBT adapted specifically for people who experience emotions very intensely

mentalisation-based therapy (MBT) - a type of therapy that focuses on helping you to make sense of your own and other people's thoughts, feelings and actions

Find out more about counselling and therapy in our guide.

Sometimes the first person you speak to won't help, but that doesn't make your feelings invalid. If you are finding it hard to get the right support from your GP, you may find it helpful to turn to other support, such as your school nurse or a specialist organisation such as Samaritans. For more tips and advice getting the right support from your GP, including information about your rights as a patient, visit our guide on how to speak to your GP about mental health.

Journaling can be a helpful way to let out your emotions. It can also help you to recognise what is bothering you and any patterns in what triggers you or causes you to feel bad.

Take a few minutes every day to write down how you are feeling. If you don't like writing, try doodling, drawing or recording a voice note. Remember this is just a way to express yourself - there's no right or wrong way to do this and nobody has to see it but you.

If you want to, you could show your journal to any mental health professionals who are supporting you, to help them understand what you are going through.

Sometimes just making small changes to your daily routine can help improve your mood. Consider trying some of these changes:

Make sure you get enough sleep and stay hydrated - staying physically healthy can help you to feel happier.

Take time out when you need to - this could be going for a walk, doing some drawing or relaxing however you like to.

Think of three things you are proud of each day - you could do this when you first wake up or just before you go to sleep.

Be as kind to yourself as you would be to your best friend - think about the advice and support you would give someone else if you heard they were struggling.

The internet can be a helpful space for those who self-harm. It offers a lot of information, advice and support. You may also find that it's easier to speak openly about your feelings through social media, rather than face-to-face. However, there is also a lot of content about self-harm on the internet that can be distressing or make you feel worse. We also know that those who have peers that self-harm are more likely to self-harm themselves. Think about how your use of social media is affecting your mood and what content is best for you. Make sure to only follow accounts that make you feel positive and safe.

Some people find it really helpful to create a 'safety plan' that they can use when the urge to self-harm is really strong. This can include whatever you think would be helpful, but generally it includes ideas of what you can do to distract yourself, who you can speak to, and what else you can do to keep yourself safe. Papyrus have a useful guide to creating a safety plan, which might help if you'd like to create your own. Although the focus of their guide is for suicidal feelings, you can use it for self-harm as well.

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Artwork credit: @crazyheadcomics

An image of a bendy road titled 'the road to recovery'. Text along the road reads: 'start', 'progress', 'hope', 'relapse', 'second attempt', 'setback', 'growth', 'change', 'calm'.

If you have self-harmed by cutting or wounding yourself in some way, you are likely to have scars on your body from this. You may find that you have a number of emotions and feelings associated with these scars, such as guilt, regret or difficulties accepting your body image. This can be particularly difficult if you are experiencing stigma around your self-harm.

For advice on how to manage stigma around self-harm within your community, take a look at Louisa's blog.

If you're really struggling with the scars left on your body, you may be able to find treatment that can help. You can find information about scar treatments on the NHS website. Scars will look different for everyone depending on skin tone, where the scar is and the type of wound that caused the scar, and this will lead to different treatment options. Not everyone will want to do this and that is completely okay - it is your body and you should only do what feels comfortable for you.

It can be really difficult if you know a friend or loved one is self-harming. It's hard to see someone you love hurting themself in that way, and it can be difficult to know how best to support them.

Just being there and letting them know they're not alone can be very helpful, but it's also important to remember that you may not be able to help them on your own.

Remember there is always support available.

Recognising the signs and symptoms of self-harm

There are lots of different ways that someone might self-harm and this can make it difficult to spot the signs. Your loved one is likely to be in both physical and emotional pain during this time. Here are some signs to look out for.

If your loved one is self-harming by cutting or wounding themself, you may be able to notice some physical signs. This could include:

keeping their body fully covered all the time, even when it is hot, like wearing long sleeves to conceal scars (this is only a sign of self-harm if they do not normally wear long sleeves or clothes that cover the whole body)

having cuts, bruises or burn marks on their body that are unexplained

unexplained scarring on their skin

unexplained blood stains on clothing or tissues

any signs that they are pulling out their hair, for example hair loss or large clumps of hair lying around

Self-harm takes lots of different forms, not just physically hurting yourself. So it's important to also be aware of the emotional signs. These might include:

becoming very withdrawn and talking less than usual to others

unusual changes in mood, such as feeling low, teary or demotivated

making suicidal comments e.g. talking about not wanting to go on

expressing feelings of self-blame, hopelessness or failure

Supporting a loved one with self-harm now
If a friend or family member has self-harmed and has injuries that need medical attention, you should take them to A&E to seek medical help.
The most important thing you can do to support someone is be there to listen. Talking about self-harm is difficult, but having that conversation can help your loved one take the first step to recovery.

Take a look at our tips below for having a sensitive conversation.

Supporting a loved one with self-harm in the long term

Here are some tips on how you can give ongoing support to someone in your life who is self-harming.

Recovery can only happen when your loved one takes steps towards this for themself. You can't force someone to get better. It can be very difficult to see someone you love struggle with self-harm, but letting them be in control of their decisions will support their recovery in the long term. But remember you should always get them medical attention if needed.

You may find it helpful to develop a 'safety plan' with your loved one. This is a tool you can use to help communicate with each other and keep your loved one safe. Samaritans have advice on this as well as a safety plan template you can use.

Speaking to a GP about self-harm may be a scary thought for your loved one, but encouraging them to do this is important so they get the right support. If they really don't want to talk to a GP, there are also lots of charity services and helplines that can help.

This page was reviewed in June 2023. It was co-created by young people with lived experience of self-harm. We will next review the page in 2026. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right now and want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Self-harm | Advice for young people | Get help

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Self-harm is when you intentionally harm yourself as a way of dealing with difficult feelings or experiences. Find out about self-harm and how to get help.

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By Lisa Williamson (Suicide Bereavement Service Lead) On Wednesday evening (1st November), I was invited to attend The Voluntary Sector Awards 2023 as I had

By Laura Hughes (Suicide Crisis Service Lead - Maternity Cover) The Tomorrow Project is currently inviting applications for an unpaid academic internship, which involves contributing

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Self Harm Doesn't DiscriminateNeither Do WeGet In TouchSelf Harm Doesn't DiscriminateNeither Do WeGet in TouchSelf Harm Doesn't DiscriminateNeither Do WeGet In TouchSelf Harm Doesn't DiscriminateNeither Do WeGet in Touch Previous Next Welcome to Harmless Harmless is a passionate organisation who works to address and overcome issues related to self-harm and suicide.

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NHS organisations, Primary Care Networks, universities and local authorities can customise the free-to-download app to signpost local services and offer support to those who feel lonely or too ashamed to seek help.

Page contents (quick links)

Find reliable information and advice

The distrACT app is listed on the NHS Apps Library and won the British Medical Association 'Patient Information Award 2019' for wellbeing.

The app offers total privacy and can be used offline to:

find out about self-harm and suicidal thoughts

discover self-help techniques and safer alternatives to self-harms

explore the 'chill-zone' with links to resources that can make you feel better, such as films, books and online videos

access details about available services and support - all in one place

know what do do in a crisis or emergency

Users can feel safe and secure because no sign-up is required, and the app does not collect any personal data.

Provide support as an organisation

Any organisation (NHS, education, third sector or commercial) can use the distrACT app as a free resource to:

provide reassuring information about self-harm and suicidal thoughts

signpost available services and support - all in one place

make emergency contact details more easily available

enable people to choose services wisely so they can get the right care first time - especially when in a crisis

give people who feel suicidal access to information that aims to reduce the risk of them taking their own lives

Increase your reach and save on print and distribution costs if these are high.

Signpost local services

As a university or local area, you can customise the distrACT app to signpost local services and support services to give users more choice about where to go for help.

Below are examples of customised pages for the Bristol and Exeter areas:
Customise apps for your local area (PREMIUM) >
Feel reassured about the app's safety

The app has been developed by practising NHS health professionals and experts in self-harm support in line with our robust editorial standards.

Feedback and testimonials

"I'm blown away, it's brilliant. Thank you for helping restore my faith back into human kindness with this non-judgemental app."
User feedback via twitter (direct message)
"Self-harm often occurs at times of great psychological distress, so it's nice to see that there is help out there in the form of this new app. I like that it's sensitive, easy to navigate, and promotes emotional wellbeing no matter where you are in your journey."
( L.T., Public Contributor with personal experience of self-harm)
"I think the app can help people to understand why they're using self-injury and then they're better equipped to talk to someone in 'real life'. It's something that's discreet, private and you can access at any time and that's what people who contact our services tell us they want."
Naomi Salisbury, Director of UK charity Self-Injury Support
"The distrACT app is a safe alternative to put in people's hands. So if they're thinking about self-harm or have self-harmed they can have a resource at their fingertips."
Dr Dominique Thompson, Student Mental Health Expert and GP

Development partners

Partners in developing the app included:

Learn more

To find out more and arrange an informal chat to help you decide whether local customisation might be useful for your organisation, please email Knut Schroeder (Director, Expert Self Care) today - knut.schroeder@expertselfcare.com.

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The distrACT app supports people who self-harm and may feel suicidal.

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Skip to main content

BlueIce is a prescribed evidence-based app to help young people manage their emotions and to reduce urges to self-harm.

It includes a mood diary, toolbox of evidence based techniques to reduce distress and automatic routing to emergency numbers if urges to harm continue.

BlueIce was developed by Dr Paul Stallard, a Clinical Psychologist and Professor of Child and Family Mental Health at the University of Bath and co-produced by young people with a lived experience of self-harm.

Blue Ice is available for iOS and Android.

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BlueIce app | Oxford Health NHS Foundation Trust

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BlueIce is a prescribed evidence-based app to help young people manage their emotions and to reduce urges to self-harm. It includes a mood diary, toolbox of evidence based techniques to reduce...

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Tomorrow Project: Suicide Prevention Project

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Tomorrow Project: Suicide Prevention Project

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The Tomorrow Project is a confidential suicide prevention project that has been set up to support individuals and communities to prevent suicide. Suicide is a decision that someone makes to end their life when they feel overwhelmed by their circumstances, when the struggles they face seem too difficult or painful or they have run out of options.

Suicide leaves behind devastation on many levels, with many questions and concerns. Those directly affected are left with bereavement and loss, so it is essential that help is at hand.

The Project currently delivers a suicide crisis service and a police-referral suicide bereavement service.

Life can be difficult for everyone at times, but with the right support it can get better. Suicide is final, there is no going back, and it leaves behind devastation on many levels. No matter how big or small you think your problems are, it is okay to ask for help. We can help.

For more information contact us at info@tomorrowproject.org.uk or text on 07594 008 356.

If you need immediate help, then please click here.

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The Tomorrow Project is a confidential suicide prevention project that has been set up to support individuals and communities to prevent suicide. Suicide is a decision that someone makes to end their life when they feel overwhelmed by their circumstances, when the struggles they face seem too difficult or painful or they have run out of options.

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A meditation app that acts as a personal guide to health and happiness

An online cognitive behaviour therapy program for depression and anxiety

​

A free app designed to help teens and young adults cope with anxiety.

Helps build resilience - the ability to stay strong, motivated and optimistic even in the face of difficult obstacles

Turns the latest innovations in the science of happiness into activities and games that help you lead a more fulfilling life.

A meditation program developed by psychologists and educators to help bring mindfulness into your life

Chill Panda helps children better understand their stress and shows them ways to feel better using breathing techniques, yoga, exercise and calming games.

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A meditation app that acts as a personal guide to health and happiness An online cognitive behaviour therapy program for depression and anxiety ​ A free app designed to help teens and young adults cope with anxiety.

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Calm Harm is a free app to help teenagers manage the urge to self-harm. Available on Google Play & App Store.

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Crisis Text Line is now in the UK as Shout! Text 85258 to be connected with a trained Crisis Volunteer.

Shout is an affiliate of Crisis Text Line ® in the UK that provides free, confidential support, 24/7 via text. It's the first free 24/7 texting service in the UK for anyone in crisis anytime, anywhere. Shout is available in England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland.

Text SHOUT to 85258 in the UK to text with a trained Crisis Volunteer.
Every texter is connected with a real-life human being trained to bring people from a hot moment to a cool calm place through active listening and collaborative problem-solving. All of our Crisis Volunteers donate their time to helping people in crisis. Read more about how it works.

Shout is a service partnership between Mental Health Innovations and Crisis Text Line ®, providing people in the UK with the first ever, 24/7, free nationwide texting service. Have a question? Read these FAQs.

Our Crisis Volunteers apply and successfully complete an online training course. These Crisis Volunteers work remotely anywhere in the UK with a computer and secure internet connection.

Crisis Volunteers answer texts from people in crisis, bringing them from a hot moment to a cool calm one through active listening, collaborative problem solving, and safety planning. Crisis Volunteers commit to between 2-4 hours per week and complete a total of 200 hours. It's a big commitment, and one that people find incredibly rewarding. Learn more about being a Crisis Volunteer.

Crisis Text Line was built from the ground up around technology and data. We've collected one of the largest health data sets in the world.

Ultimately, our goal is to use data to improve outcomes for people in crisis. To achieve this, we use data in two ways: (1) internally, to improve the quality of our service, and (2) externally, to improve the crisis space as a whole. Learn more about our data philosophy.

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Crisis Text Line is now in the UK as Shout! Text 85258 to be connected with a trained Crisis Volunteer

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Supporting your teen

It is normal to have real fears for your child. But the key is to open up communication and build trust so your child can talk to you about these underlying issues. If you think your teen is self-harming, you may be wondering how to bring up this issue.

It may help to work on improving your relationship. Take time out once a week to sit down together and generally chat about what's good and bad in their life. Ask them about their day, their friendships, and other general things. If your child gives one-worded answers, try a different environment. Go out somewhere together for a chat. You don't have to raise self-injury in the first conversation, but you could raise it later. The child might say something to which you can gently ask 'Is that why you've been hurting yourself?'

If you have spoken to your teen and they are still self-harming, then it is important to understand that it is not easy for them to just stop. Self-injury isn't something you can stop because of will power or because you have decided. Nor is it a cry for help or attention-seeking. Your child is having trouble dealing with emotions and, for now, this is the only way they can deal with them.

Trying to physically restrain your child or prevent them from harming is the worst thing you can do. If a young person feels they are being prevented from doing what they need to do, it can drive the behaviour underground, so they are less likely to seek help - or they are likely to feel more out of control. And when they feel out of control, they are more likely to harm themselves in a worse way. This is not condoning the fact they are self-harming, but it is accepting that this is where they are now.

Parents may have to accept that their child might not want to talk to them about it and may never give an explanation. All you can do is assure them your love is unconditional. If they can't talk to you, help them find someone they can talk to. However, if your child does confide, don't dismiss or trivialise their worries.

It's important that however bad parents think things are, they are hopeful of change. Believe and keep believing in your child's capacity to overcome it. Then they'll feel that too. That sounds clichéd but it makes a big difference. The biggest thing that people who self-harm say they want to hear is 'it'll be ok.

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Self-harm can cover a range of things that people do to themselves in a deliberate and harmful way. Although cutting is the most common form of self- harm, other methods include head banging, hair pulling, burning and scalding, biting, scratching, stabbing, breaking bones, swallowing objects, self-poisoning and overdosing.

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A guide including information on the nature and causes of self-harm and how to support a young person for parents and carers

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Information and help for young people worried about self-harm

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Information and help for young people worried about self-harm

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Things can change

Nothing has to stay the same for you as it is right now. If there are things in your life that you wish would change, they can. Don't give up.

There are choices and positive changes that will make life better, you just have to look for them and be open to doing things differently. If one thing doesn't work, that doesn't mean it's not worth trying again. It just means there are other options that you haven't yet explored.
You have the right to help
When you are self-harming it can be a really scary time. It's an 'in-the-moment' coping mechanism, one that might make a small difference when you're doing it but can very quickly lead to upsetting feelings and emotions. It can also leave you feeling incredibly lonely and like you can't tell anyone.

Remember: you deserve to get better. This journey begins with speaking to someone and asking for help.
Be kind to yourself
Self-harming can be a vicious cycle: it can make you feel better for a short while but it never makes difficult emotions and harmful 'noise' go away. And sometimes, the loudest negative voice that we hear can be our own.

Look after yourself by taking things a day at a time. Make small goals and celebrate little wins. Be gentle and compassionate in how you speak to yourself; always asking: would I talk to a friend like this?
Spend time with others
Time spent in the company of people who care about you - especially friends and family - can make a big impact.

Try and seek out positive distractions and experiences to take your mind off how you are feeling. Look for opportunities to connect with others in a positive and caring environment.
Find someone you trust to talk to
The first step to feeling better is often the moment when you choose to share how you're feeling with others. There's a lot of stigma around self-harm, but there shouldn't be.

Keeping these emotions to yourself, as a secret, won't help: talking about self-harm is much more positive than actually doing it.

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Information and help for young people worried about self-harm

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Self-harm can be scary and isolating, and it often feels like there is no way out. I should know: I've been there.

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Ways to cope with upsetting events in the news

If you're feeling overwhelmed, anxious or sad about what's going on in the news, know that you're definitely not alone. Here are some actions we can take to help us cope better through times like this.

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However you're feeling right now, you don't have to face it alone. We're here to support you with your mental health.

Take a look at our resources, information and support, find further help or reach out to one of our volunteers.

Resources for you

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Shout - UK's 24/7 Crisis Text Service for Mental Health Support

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Shout 85258 is the UK's first 24/7 text service for anyone in crisis. Get free, confidential mental health support anytime, anywhere. Text 'SHOUT' to 85258.

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Parent's Guide to Depression | Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Parent's Guide to Depression | Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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If you are worried that your child is thinking of harming themselves or is feeling suicidal, it is always better to ask about this than ignore it. Open and supportive conversation can make all the difference.

Ask clearly and gently: "Are you thinking of killing yourself?"

There's no avoiding the gravity of the situation. If you have serious concerns, then ask your child outright. It's important that you know exactly what is on their mind.

If the answer is yes, ask: "Do you have a plan, such as how and when?"

Your child may have given serious thought and consideration to suicidal feelings. Being clear and direct about this, without judgement, may help your child realise that they are not alone in their pain.

If they have a plan, the risk level is higher. Ask: "what has stopped you so far?"

Take time to understand how fully your child has worked through suicidal thoughts and whether there are positive and practical reasons preventing them from acting further. This could be a positive foundation on which to build further.

It is important for them and you to understand what keeps them safe

By speaking openly together, you may learn what your child needs you to do to protect them from self-harm or suicide. You can then directly act on this information.

If you think your child is at risk of suicide, seek medical help immediately

Contact your GP or A&E for professional medical advice and support. Be open with your child and let them know that this is what you, as their parent or carer, need to do to help them.

Out of hours help is also available

Social Services or mental health CRISIS teams are made up of psychiatric nurses, social workers and support workers who provide emergency support and short-term help out of office hours. To find local help, call 111.

Asking young people about suicide is not the same thing as suggesting it to them

Your child will have encountered suicide before, in books, TV shows and elsewhere in popular culture. It's an unavoidable part of life and should be spoken about honestly. You will not be putting the idea into their head; you are simply gauging the seriousness of the situation.

Letting them know that you care is better than not asking at all

Don't put off a conversation with your child if you have any concerns whatsoever. Being caring and making your child aware that you will help them to get help should be both reassuring and comforting at a time when they may be feeling very alone.

Self-harm

Self-harm (such as cutting) can often be a coping mechanism. It is not necessarily associated with depression. Do not assume that self-harm is the same as suicidal intention. But even so it can be alarming. Take time to learn more about the reasons behind why young people self-harm and what you can do to help.

Learn when to act and what to do

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Parent's Guide to Depression | Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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If you are worried that your son or daughter is thinking of harming themselves or is feeling suicidal, it is always better to ask about this than ignore it. Open and supportive conversation can make all the difference.

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Promoting healthy relationships in schools

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Promoting healthy relationships in schools

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Introduction

Why is it important to teach children and young people about healthy relationships?

Relationships play a key part in every child or young person's wellbeing.

Healthy relationships can help a child feel secure and supported, but unhealthy relationships can have a long-lasting negative impact.
> Find out more about healthy and unhealthy relationships
Healthy relationships education

In every nation of the UK, schools are required to teach children and young people about healthy relationships. But we know it can be challenging to find age-appropriate ways to address the subject and embed learning in a wider context.

Using insight from our practitioners, we've put together some information to help you promote healthy relationships to children of different ages.
> Learn more about the important role of relationships and sex education (RSE) in informing and empowering young people in our How safe? 2020 report

Early years

Early years

Early years settings provide valuable opportunities for younger children to develop their social skills and form healthy bonds with peers and adults.

How to promote healthy relationships in the early years

Provide opportunities for children to play in different sized groups. Plan activities that promote turn-taking.

Encourage boys and girls to play alongside one another and avoid gender stereotyping.

Ask children what they like or dislike about an activity. Help them express their thoughts and feelings in different ways and listen to the views of others.

Where possible, allow children to decide whether or not they want to join in with an activity. Help them to say "no" if they don't want to do something.

Talk about the ways that people are different and similar. For example we may have different hair, eye or skin colour but we all eat, breathe and have feelings.

Talk about personal space and explain that some people might like more or less than others. Teach children that it's OK to say "no" if they don't want someone to touch them.

Useful resources

Our free PANTS lesson plans help you teach young children about the Underwear Rule and encourage them to speak out in situations that make them feel uncomfortable.

We've put together a list of books which you can read and share with younger children to help start discussions about healthy relationships.

5- to 11-year-olds

5- to 11-year-olds

As children get older they begin to develop stronger and more independent relationships. They may start to realise that some relationships and situations can have an impact on the way they feel.

Keep parents informed about the work you're doing to promote healthy relationships. This means they can reinforce positive messages at home.

Make sure children and young people know how to contact Childline for support if they need it. Show them the Childline website for under 12s.

Tips for promoting healthy relationships to 5- to 11-year-olds

Empower children to have individuality and help them understand that everyone is unique.

Praise children for demonstrating honesty, kindness, and respect for others.

Give children opportunities to voice their opinions and encourage them to listen to other people's views.

Help children understand that "no" means "no" and make sure they know who to talk to if they are ever uncomfortable with something they have been asked them to do.

Work with children to resolve conflicts and help them understand how others might be affected.

Talk to children about bullying in all its forms and make sure they know how to get help if they need it.

It can be difficult to tell the difference between what is healthy or concerning sexualised behaviour. Increase your understanding of how to provide an effective response to harmful sexual behaviour for primary schools.

Useful resources

AGENDA is a free online toolkit that's available in English and Welsh. It provides creative ways to help children to speak up about the issues they care about and challenge gender inequalities and gender norms.

We've also put together a list of books about healthy relationships which you can use to help start conversations.

12- to 18-year-olds

12- to 18-year-olds

In the teenage years children and young people may begin to experience more intense and intimate relationships.

You can help them navigate these new experiences. Make sure they know what to do if a relationship or situation makes them feel uncomfortable, or if they're worried about someone else.

Let parents know about the topics you're discussing and make time to answer their questions. Make sure children and young people know how to contact Childline for support.

Tips for promoting healthy relationships to 12- to 18 year-olds

Encourage young people to be proud of what makes them an individual.

Introduce activities like peer mentoring to help young people support each other.

Talk about relationships that are presented in films, books or the media. Ask young people which aspects they think are healthy or unhealthy, for example independence or control. Talk about the way relationships happen online as well as offline.

As young people get older, discuss issues around sex and consent.

Do you need to increase your understanding of what healthy and unhealthy sexual behaviour looks like? Take our interactive online course to learn how to manage harmful sexual behaviour.

Useful resources

AGENDA is a free online toolkit that helps children and young people explore issues that matter to them. Available in English and Welsh, it provides creative ways to help young people engage as active citizens and safely challenge oppressive gender norms.

These lesson plans, films and activities help children and young people understand the characteristics of healthy relationships. Topics covered include sexual exploitation, grooming and harmful sexual behaviour.

This resource helps teach 11- to 16-year-olds how to stay safe online. Topics covered include teaching young people to be good digital citizens and how to respond if they encounter online bullying.

We've also created a reading list which you can use to start conversations with older children about healthy relationships.

SEND/ASN/ALN

Children and young people with special educational needs, additional needs and disabilities

If you're working with children and young people who have special educational needs (SEN), additional support needs (ASN) or additional learning needs (ALN), it's important to take their individual needs into consideration when it comes to healthy relationships education.

You may need to have regular and ongoing conversations about healthy relationships. This helps children and young people to understand and remember what you've talked about.

Show them the Childline website and talk to them about the support available for them, for example the resources about disability and Deaf Zone.

You should also make sure that any resources you're using to teach about sex and relationships are accessible to all children.

Tips for promoting healthy relationships to children and young people with special educational needs, additional needs and disabilities

Follow children and young people's support plans to ensure you're meeting their individual needs.

Work with parents and carers to make sure they are comfortable with the discussions you're having and know how to talk about healthy relationships at home.

Use a range of methods such as books, stories, drama, audiovisual material and role play to help keep regular messaging fresh.

Emotion boards or charts may help children and young people to express how some relationships make them feel.

Useful resources

This set of films and resources is designed to help young people with learning disabilities aged between 11 and 25 learn about staying safe in relationships. It includes supporting resources to help you start conversations about a range of topics including privacy and boundaries, online safety and feelings.

Our free PANTS resources can be used with children and young people who have learning disabilities.

We've also put together a reading list of books you can use to start conversations about sex and relationships with children and young people who have SEND.

Curriculum guidance

Curriculum guidance

Each nation of the UK has curriculum guidance which sets out how schools should educate children and young people about healthy relationships.

In England, the Department for Education (DfE) has published statutory guidance about how relationships education, relationships and sex education (RSE) and health education should be implemented (DfE, 2021a).

The DfE has also published guidance on planning your relationships, sex and health curriculum (DfE, 2020) and training materials on teaching about relationships, sex and health (DfE, 2021b). The training materials include modules for primary and secondary school teachers on topics such as caring friendships, online relationships, sexual relationships and consent. They also include a module on teaching relationships, sex and health education (RSHE) to pupils with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND).

The DfE has also published guides that primary and secondary schools can use to explain RSE to parents (DfE, 2019).

The House of Commons Library provides answers to frequently asked questions about RSE in schools in England (House of Commons Library, 2019).

In Northern Ireland, relationships and sexuality education is taught as part of personal development and mutual understanding (PDMU) in primary schools, part of the personal development and home economics statements of requirement for key stage 3 and as a statutory component of the personal development strand of learning for life and work (LLW) at key stage 4. The Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment (CCEA) provides guidance on what should be included at each level (CCEA, 2021b).

The CCEA also provides guidance and resources on relationships and sexuality education for primary and post-primary children (CCEA, 2021a).

In Scotland, relationships, sexual health, and parenthood (RSHP) education is part of health and wellbeing; one of eight curriculum areas of Curriculum for Excellence, introduced in August 2010 for 3- to 18-year-olds. RSHP Scotland has developed an RSHP online resource. It provides learning activities, lesson plans and resources for all year groups in mainstream, specialist and non-denominational and denominational schools (RSHP Scotland, 2021).

The Scottish Government has provided guidance on the Conduct of relationships, sexual health and parenthood education in schools (Scottish Government, 2014).

In 2019, the Scottish Government published its Review of Personal and Social Education, which outlined steps to improve Personal and Social Education (PSE) delivery in schools and school counselling services (Scottish Government, 2019). The Review included recommendations for the forthcoming statutory guidance for relationships, sexual health and parenthood (RSHP), which is currently under consultation and will replace the existing Conduct of relationships, sexual health and parenthood education in schools (Scottish Government, 2014).

In Wales, the Welsh Government has published guidance on the new curriculum for primary and secondary schools (Welsh Government, 2022a). The curriculum includes an area of learning and experience on health and wellbeing, which covers topics including recognising relationships and developing and maintaining healthy ones (Welsh Government, 2022b). The curriculum was implemented in primary schools from September 2022 and continues to be phased in for school years 7 to 11, with all schools working to the new curriculum by 2026.

As part of the new curriculum, Relationships and Sexuality Education is mandatory for all 3- to 16- year olds in schools and other funded, non-maintained settings. The Relationships and Sexuality Education (RSE) code (Welsh Government, 2022c) sets out the themes that must be covered in RSE. This includes relationships and identity, and the healthy and unhealthy aspects of a range of romantic, sexual and familial relationships.

Inclusive education

Guidance across the UK highlights the importance of providing inclusive and accessible sex and relationships education (Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment, 2019a; 2019b; Department for Education, 2021a; Scottish Government, 2014; Welsh Government, 2022c).

When teaching children and young people about sex and relationships, it's important to make sure you're representing everyone in the class. Use resources that reflect a broad range of people, for example different sexualities, gender identities, races, cultures and disabilities. You should also make sure teaching reflects different kinds of families, for example single parents, same sex parents, adoptive parents, foster care and residential care (Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment, 2019a; 2019b; Department for Education, 2021a; Scottish Government, 2014; Welsh Government, 2022c).

In Scotland, LGBT inclusive education is being phased in across all schools. The Scottish Government has created an online toolkit to help teachers embed LGBT learning themes throughout the Scottish curriculum (Scottish Government and Time for Inclusive Education (TIE), 2021).

In Wales, it is mandatory for curriculum content to be inclusive of LGBTQ+ lives and reflect diversity. This is reinforced in the LGBTQ+ Action Plan for Wales (Welsh Government, 2023), which sets out a vision to ensure education across Wales is inclusive of LGBTQ+ lives.

Find out more about:

The right to withdraw children from sex and healthy relationships education

There is guidance in each nation of the UK about whether parents and carers can withdraw their children from sex and healthy relationships education, and how this should happen. It's best practice for schools to help parents and carers understand why sex and healthy relationships education is important. Head teachers should have a discussion with parents and carers about how being withdrawn from lessons will impact on their children.

In England, statutory guidance states that parents and carers cannot withdraw their children from statutory topics such as relationships education, health education or the parts of the science curriculum that cover human reproduction (DfE, 2021a).

In primary schools, parents and carers can withdraw their children from sex education, if it is on the curriculum (DfE, 2021a).

In secondary schools, parents and carers can request that their child is withdrawn from some or all sex education lessons. The head teacher should grant this in all but exceptional circumstances, up until three school terms before the child turns 16. At this point, the child can opt to take part in sex education if they would like to. The school should arrange for the child to receive sex education in one of those three terms, unless there are exceptional circumstances (DfE, 2021a).

In Northern Ireland, relationships and sexuality education is a statutory component of the curriculum. However parents or carers in Northern Ireland have a right to have their children educated in accordance with their wishes (CCEA, 2019a; 2019b).

Schools should consider how they can support parents or carers who choose to withdraw their child from all or part of the relationships and sexuality education curriculum (CCEA, 2019a; 2019b).

In Scotland, guidance for the conduct of RSHP education highlights that schools and authorities must be sensitive to situations where a parent or carer wishes to withdraw their child (or a child wishes to withdraw themselves) from all or part of sexual health education (Scottish Government, 2014). Schools should discuss the issue with the parents, carers and/or child, reminding them of the child's right to an education, explaining why the curriculum is important and encouraging them to see participation as a positive and constructive part of the child's development.

Decisions should be made on a case-by-case basis, bearing in mind the child's age, maturity and capacity. If it is agreed that the child will be withdrawn from RSHP, arrangements should be made for them to have alternative positive educational provision that meets the Health and Wellbeing requirements of the Scottish curriculum (Scottish Government, 2014).

In Wales, relationships and sexuality education (RSE) is a mandatory part of the new Curriculum for Wales framework (Welsh Government, 2022a).

Parents and carers of children in all years up to and including year 6 do not have the right to withdraw their children from lessons on this topic. As the phased introduction of the Curriculum for Wales continues, the right to withdraw will gradually be removed from parents and carers of pupils of all ages (Welsh Government, 2022d).

References and resources

References and resources

References

​Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment (CCEA) (2021a) Relationships and sexuality education (RSE). [Accessed 27/10/2021].​

Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment (CCEA) (2021b) Personal development and mutual understanding. Belfast: Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment (CCEA).

Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment (CCEA) (2019a) Relationships and sexuality education guidance: an update for primary schools. Belfast: Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment (CCEA).

Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment (CCEA) (2019b) Relationships and sexuality education guidance: an update for post-primary schools. Belfast: Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment (CCEA).

Department for Education (DfE) (2022) Plan your relationships, sex and health curriculum. London: Department for Education.

Department for Education (DfE) (2021a) Relationships Education, Relationships and Sex Education (RSE) and Health Education: statutory guidance for governing bodies, proprietors, head teachers, principals, senior leadership teams, teachers. London: Department for Education.

Department for Education (DfE) (2021b) Teaching about relationships, sex and health. London: Department for Education.

​Department for Education (DfE) (2019) Relationships, sex and health education: guides for schools. London: Department for Education

House of Commons Library (2019) Relationships and sex education in schools (England) - frequently asked questions (FAQs) [Accessed 31/03/2021].

Relationships, sexual health and parenthood (RSHP) Scotland (2021) RSHP Scotland. [Accessed 27/10/2021].

Scottish Government (2014) Conduct of relationships, sexual health and parenthood education in schools. [Accessed 27/10/2021].

Scottish Government (2019) Review of personal and social education: preparing Scotland's children and young people for learning, work and life. [Accessed 29/11/2023].

Scottish Government and Time for Inclusive Education (TIE) (2021) lgbteducation.scot [Accessed 27/10/2021].

Welsh Government (2022a) Curriculum for Wales. [Accessed 11/02/2022].

Welsh Government (2022b) Curriculum for Wales: health and well-being. [Accessed 11/02/2022].

Welsh Government (2022c) Curriculum for Wales: relationships and sexuality education (RSE) code. [Accessed 09/02/2022].

Welsh Government (2022d) Curriculum for Wales: summary of legislation. [Accessed 09/02/2022].

Welsh Government (2023) LGBTQ+ action plan for Wales. [Accessed 04/12/2023].

Related resources
> Browse all our safeguarding resources for schools and colleges > Discover the types of child protection training schools can take > Find out more about promoting wellbeing and mental health in children

Introduction

Why is it important to teach children and young people about healthy relationships?

Relationships play a key part in every child or young person's wellbeing.

Healthy relationships can help a child feel secure and supported, but unhealthy relationships can have a long-lasting negative impact.
> Find out more about healthy and unhealthy relationships
Healthy relationships education

In every nation of the UK, schools are required to teach children and young people about healthy relationships. But we know it can be challenging to find age-appropriate ways to address the subject and embed learning in a wider context.

Using insight from our practitioners, we've put together some information to help you promote healthy relationships to children of different ages.
> Learn more about the important role of relationships and sex education (RSE) in informing and empowering young people in our How safe? 2020 report

Early years

Early years

Early years settings provide valuable opportunities for younger children to develop their social skills and form healthy bonds with peers and adults.

How to promote healthy relationships in the early years

Provide opportunities for children to play in different sized groups. Plan activities that promote turn-taking.

Encourage boys and girls to play alongside one another and avoid gender stereotyping.

Ask children what they like or dislike about an activity. Help them express their thoughts and feelings in different ways and listen to the views of others.

Where possible, allow children to decide whether or not they want to join in with an activity. Help them to say "no" if they don't want to do something.

Talk about the ways that people are different and similar. For example we may have different hair, eye or skin colour but we all eat, breathe and have feelings.

Talk about personal space and explain that some people might like more or less than others. Teach children that it's OK to say "no" if they don't want someone to touch them.

Useful resources

Our free PANTS lesson plans help you teach young children about the Underwear Rule and encourage them to speak out in situations that make them feel uncomfortable.

We've put together a list of books which you can read and share with younger children to help start discussions about healthy relationships.

5- to 11-year-olds

5- to 11-year-olds

As children get older they begin to develop stronger and more independent relationships. They may start to realise that some relationships and situations can have an impact on the way they feel.

Keep parents informed about the work you're doing to promote healthy relationships. This means they can reinforce positive messages at home.

Make sure children and young people know how to contact Childline for support if they need it. Show them the Childline website for under 12s.

Tips for promoting healthy relationships to 5- to 11-year-olds

Empower children to have individuality and help them understand that everyone is unique.

Praise children for demonstrating honesty, kindness, and respect for others.

Give children opportunities to voice their opinions and encourage them to listen to other people's views.

Help children understand that "no" means "no" and make sure they know who to talk to if they are ever uncomfortable with something they have been asked them to do.

Work with children to resolve conflicts and help them understand how others might be affected.

Talk to children about bullying in all its forms and make sure they know how to get help if they need it.

It can be difficult to tell the difference between what is healthy or concerning sexualised behaviour. Increase your understanding of how to provide an effective response to harmful sexual behaviour for primary schools.

Useful resources

AGENDA is a free online toolkit that's available in English and Welsh. It provides creative ways to help children to speak up about the issues they care about and challenge gender inequalities and gender norms.

We've also put together a list of books about healthy relationships which you can use to help start conversations.

12- to 18-year-olds

12- to 18-year-olds

In the teenage years children and young people may begin to experience more intense and intimate relationships.

You can help them navigate these new experiences. Make sure they know what to do if a relationship or situation makes them feel uncomfortable, or if they're worried about someone else.

Let parents know about the topics you're discussing and make time to answer their questions. Make sure children and young people know how to contact Childline for support.

Tips for promoting healthy relationships to 12- to 18 year-olds

Encourage young people to be proud of what makes them an individual.

Introduce activities like peer mentoring to help young people support each other.

Talk about relationships that are presented in films, books or the media. Ask young people which aspects they think are healthy or unhealthy, for example independence or control. Talk about the way relationships happen online as well as offline.

As young people get older, discuss issues around sex and consent.

Do you need to increase your understanding of what healthy and unhealthy sexual behaviour looks like? Take our interactive online course to learn how to manage harmful sexual behaviour.

Useful resources

AGENDA is a free online toolkit that helps children and young people explore issues that matter to them. Available in English and Welsh, it provides creative ways to help young people engage as active citizens and safely challenge oppressive gender norms.

These lesson plans, films and activities help children and young people understand the characteristics of healthy relationships. Topics covered include sexual exploitation, grooming and harmful sexual behaviour.

This resource helps teach 11- to 16-year-olds how to stay safe online. Topics covered include teaching young people to be good digital citizens and how to respond if they encounter online bullying.

We've also created a reading list which you can use to start conversations with older children about healthy relationships.

SEND/ASN/ALN

Children and young people with special educational needs, additional needs and disabilities

If you're working with children and young people who have special educational needs (SEN), additional support needs (ASN) or additional learning needs (ALN), it's important to take their individual needs into consideration when it comes to healthy relationships education.

You may need to have regular and ongoing conversations about healthy relationships. This helps children and young people to understand and remember what you've talked about.

Show them the Childline website and talk to them about the support available for them, for example the resources about disability and Deaf Zone.

You should also make sure that any resources you're using to teach about sex and relationships are accessible to all children.

Tips for promoting healthy relationships to children and young people with special educational needs, additional needs and disabilities

Follow children and young people's support plans to ensure you're meeting their individual needs.

Work with parents and carers to make sure they are comfortable with the discussions you're having and know how to talk about healthy relationships at home.

Use a range of methods such as books, stories, drama, audiovisual material and role play to help keep regular messaging fresh.

Emotion boards or charts may help children and young people to express how some relationships make them feel.

Useful resources

This set of films and resources is designed to help young people with learning disabilities aged between 11 and 25 learn about staying safe in relationships. It includes supporting resources to help you start conversations about a range of topics including privacy and boundaries, online safety and feelings.

Our free PANTS resources can be used with children and young people who have learning disabilities.

We've also put together a reading list of books you can use to start conversations about sex and relationships with children and young people who have SEND.

Curriculum guidance

Curriculum guidance

Each nation of the UK has curriculum guidance which sets out how schools should educate children and young people about healthy relationships.

In England, the Department for Education (DfE) has published statutory guidance about how relationships education, relationships and sex education (RSE) and health education should be implemented (DfE, 2021a).

The DfE has also published guidance on planning your relationships, sex and health curriculum (DfE, 2020) and training materials on teaching about relationships, sex and health (DfE, 2021b). The training materials include modules for primary and secondary school teachers on topics such as caring friendships, online relationships, sexual relationships and consent. They also include a module on teaching relationships, sex and health education (RSHE) to pupils with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND).

The DfE has also published guides that primary and secondary schools can use to explain RSE to parents (DfE, 2019).

The House of Commons Library provides answers to frequently asked questions about RSE in schools in England (House of Commons Library, 2019).

In Northern Ireland, relationships and sexuality education is taught as part of personal development and mutual understanding (PDMU) in primary schools, part of the personal development and home economics statements of requirement for key stage 3 and as a statutory component of the personal development strand of learning for life and work (LLW) at key stage 4. The Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment (CCEA) provides guidance on what should be included at each level (CCEA, 2021b).

The CCEA also provides guidance and resources on relationships and sexuality education for primary and post-primary children (CCEA, 2021a).

In Scotland, relationships, sexual health, and parenthood (RSHP) education is part of health and wellbeing; one of eight curriculum areas of Curriculum for Excellence, introduced in August 2010 for 3- to 18-year-olds. RSHP Scotland has developed an RSHP online resource. It provides learning activities, lesson plans and resources for all year groups in mainstream, specialist and non-denominational and denominational schools (RSHP Scotland, 2021).

The Scottish Government has provided guidance on the Conduct of relationships, sexual health and parenthood education in schools (Scottish Government, 2014).

In 2019, the Scottish Government published its Review of Personal and Social Education, which outlined steps to improve Personal and Social Education (PSE) delivery in schools and school counselling services (Scottish Government, 2019). The Review included recommendations for the forthcoming statutory guidance for relationships, sexual health and parenthood (RSHP), which is currently under consultation and will replace the existing Conduct of relationships, sexual health and parenthood education in schools (Scottish Government, 2014).

In Wales, the Welsh Government has published guidance on the new curriculum for primary and secondary schools (Welsh Government, 2022a). The curriculum includes an area of learning and experience on health and wellbeing, which covers topics including recognising relationships and developing and maintaining healthy ones (Welsh Government, 2022b). The curriculum was implemented in primary schools from September 2022 and continues to be phased in for school years 7 to 11, with all schools working to the new curriculum by 2026.

As part of the new curriculum, Relationships and Sexuality Education is mandatory for all 3- to 16- year olds in schools and other funded, non-maintained settings. The Relationships and Sexuality Education (RSE) code (Welsh Government, 2022c) sets out the themes that must be covered in RSE. This includes relationships and identity, and the healthy and unhealthy aspects of a range of romantic, sexual and familial relationships.

Inclusive education

Guidance across the UK highlights the importance of providing inclusive and accessible sex and relationships education (Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment, 2019a; 2019b; Department for Education, 2021a; Scottish Government, 2014; Welsh Government, 2022c).

When teaching children and young people about sex and relationships, it's important to make sure you're representing everyone in the class. Use resources that reflect a broad range of people, for example different sexualities, gender identities, races, cultures and disabilities. You should also make sure teaching reflects different kinds of families, for example single parents, same sex parents, adoptive parents, foster care and residential care (Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment, 2019a; 2019b; Department for Education, 2021a; Scottish Government, 2014; Welsh Government, 2022c).

In Scotland, LGBT inclusive education is being phased in across all schools. The Scottish Government has created an online toolkit to help teachers embed LGBT learning themes throughout the Scottish curriculum (Scottish Government and Time for Inclusive Education (TIE), 2021).

In Wales, it is mandatory for curriculum content to be inclusive of LGBTQ+ lives and reflect diversity. This is reinforced in the LGBTQ+ Action Plan for Wales (Welsh Government, 2023), which sets out a vision to ensure education across Wales is inclusive of LGBTQ+ lives.

Find out more about:

The right to withdraw children from sex and healthy relationships education

There is guidance in each nation of the UK about whether parents and carers can withdraw their children from sex and healthy relationships education, and how this should happen. It's best practice for schools to help parents and carers understand why sex and healthy relationships education is important. Head teachers should have a discussion with parents and carers about how being withdrawn from lessons will impact on their children.

In England, statutory guidance states that parents and carers cannot withdraw their children from statutory topics such as relationships education, health education or the parts of the science curriculum that cover human reproduction (DfE, 2021a).

In primary schools, parents and carers can withdraw their children from sex education, if it is on the curriculum (DfE, 2021a).

In secondary schools, parents and carers can request that their child is withdrawn from some or all sex education lessons. The head teacher should grant this in all but exceptional circumstances, up until three school terms before the child turns 16. At this point, the child can opt to take part in sex education if they would like to. The school should arrange for the child to receive sex education in one of those three terms, unless there are exceptional circumstances (DfE, 2021a).

In Northern Ireland, relationships and sexuality education is a statutory component of the curriculum. However parents or carers in Northern Ireland have a right to have their children educated in accordance with their wishes (CCEA, 2019a; 2019b).

Schools should consider how they can support parents or carers who choose to withdraw their child from all or part of the relationships and sexuality education curriculum (CCEA, 2019a; 2019b).

In Scotland, guidance for the conduct of RSHP education highlights that schools and authorities must be sensitive to situations where a parent or carer wishes to withdraw their child (or a child wishes to withdraw themselves) from all or part of sexual health education (Scottish Government, 2014). Schools should discuss the issue with the parents, carers and/or child, reminding them of the child's right to an education, explaining why the curriculum is important and encouraging them to see participation as a positive and constructive part of the child's development.

Decisions should be made on a case-by-case basis, bearing in mind the child's age, maturity and capacity. If it is agreed that the child will be withdrawn from RSHP, arrangements should be made for them to have alternative positive educational provision that meets the Health and Wellbeing requirements of the Scottish curriculum (Scottish Government, 2014).

In Wales, relationships and sexuality education (RSE) is a mandatory part of the new Curriculum for Wales framework (Welsh Government, 2022a).

Parents and carers of children in all years up to and including year 6 do not have the right to withdraw their children from lessons on this topic. As the phased introduction of the Curriculum for Wales continues, the right to withdraw will gradually be removed from parents and carers of pupils of all ages (Welsh Government, 2022d).

References and resources

References and resources

References

​Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment (CCEA) (2021a) Relationships and sexuality education (RSE). [Accessed 27/10/2021].​

Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment (CCEA) (2021b) Personal development and mutual understanding. Belfast: Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment (CCEA).

Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment (CCEA) (2019a) Relationships and sexuality education guidance: an update for primary schools. Belfast: Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment (CCEA).

Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment (CCEA) (2019b) Relationships and sexuality education guidance: an update for post-primary schools. Belfast: Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment (CCEA).

Department for Education (DfE) (2022) Plan your relationships, sex and health curriculum. London: Department for Education.

Department for Education (DfE) (2021a) Relationships Education, Relationships and Sex Education (RSE) and Health Education: statutory guidance for governing bodies, proprietors, head teachers, principals, senior leadership teams, teachers. London: Department for Education.

Department for Education (DfE) (2021b) Teaching about relationships, sex and health. London: Department for Education.

​Department for Education (DfE) (2019) Relationships, sex and health education: guides for schools. London: Department for Education

House of Commons Library (2019) Relationships and sex education in schools (England) - frequently asked questions (FAQs) [Accessed 31/03/2021].

Relationships, sexual health and parenthood (RSHP) Scotland (2021) RSHP Scotland. [Accessed 27/10/2021].

Scottish Government (2014) Conduct of relationships, sexual health and parenthood education in schools. [Accessed 27/10/2021].

Scottish Government (2019) Review of personal and social education: preparing Scotland's children and young people for learning, work and life. [Accessed 29/11/2023].

Scottish Government and Time for Inclusive Education (TIE) (2021) lgbteducation.scot [Accessed 27/10/2021].

Welsh Government (2022a) Curriculum for Wales. [Accessed 11/02/2022].

Welsh Government (2022b) Curriculum for Wales: health and well-being. [Accessed 11/02/2022].

Welsh Government (2022c) Curriculum for Wales: relationships and sexuality education (RSE) code. [Accessed 09/02/2022].

Welsh Government (2022d) Curriculum for Wales: summary of legislation. [Accessed 09/02/2022].

Welsh Government (2023) LGBTQ+ action plan for Wales. [Accessed 04/12/2023].

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If you're being bullied, whether it's online or at school, university or work, it can be really difficult and leave you feeling hurt - but you are not alone. We have advice on how you can tell someone and get help.

What is bullying?

If somebody physically hurts you, or verbally abuses you, that's bullying.

Specific types of bullying include:

homophobic bullying based on your sexual orientation

racist bullying because of your skin colour or ethnicity

religious bullying because of your beliefs or faith.

sizeist bullying referring to your body size

sexist bullying focusing on you being of the opposite sex

cyberbullying targeting you online, often anonymously

bullying because you are different

Bullying can be a one-off or it can go on for a long time. And bullying can happen to anyone.

No matter how alone you might feel, there is always someone you can talk to and someone who can help.

Talking to someone about being bullied

Ignoring bullying won't make it go away. You need to tell someone about what is happening.

If the bullying is happening at school
Talk to your parents or carers and your teacher. Your teacher may have no idea that you are being bullied, and the school will have an anti-bullying policy to tackle it.

If you feel you can't speak to your teacher, maybe a friend can do it for you. You can also speak to a school counsellor, welfare officer or nurse.

In extreme cases, if bullying is interfering with your education it may be possible for you to change schools if it doesn't stop once you have reported it.

If the bullying is happening outside school
Talk to your parents or carers, close relatives such as grandparents, aunties and uncles, or even your friends' parents. Youth workers and leaders may be able to help too.

If the bullying is happening online
Tell a trusted adult - your parents or carers, or a teacher. You can report abusive posts on Facebook and other social media platforms. You can also report abuse to CEOP (Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre).

Keep reporting the bullying until it stops. It may not stop the first time you tell your parents or teacher and they try to stop it. If the bullying continues, tell them again. Don't put up with it. No one deserves to be bullied.

Tips on bullying from young people like you

Real stories and advice on bullying

Get help now

Whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. Here are some organisations who can support you.

You might also find helpful...

Bullying can affect us in lots of ways. Here's some more advice and information you might find helpful.

If you're a parent or carer

If you are a parent or carer of a child or young person who is being bullied, we can support you through our Parents Helpline. We are here to listen to you, and give you free, confidential advice and information.

Help us improve our content

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right now and want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Today we find ourselves supporting trans lives, challenging discrimination and providing education, improving healthcare and social pathways and working with both regional and national partners to improve the provision of services and rights of Transgender, non-binary, and gender diverse people.

Our core event is our weekly meeting, which takes place every Tuesday from 6pm to 8pm. We welcome anyone who identifies as trans (including non-binary) or gender non-conforming and to those who are questioning their gender. Friends and family are also welcome to attend.

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Support For

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Gender diverse young people aged 18-25

Adult Non Binary

Disabled trans and gender diverse people

Trans and gender diverse people from ethnic minorities

Learning disabled trans and gender diverse people

Trans and gender diverse men

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Gender Identity Research & Education Society

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Supporting bereaved children and young people

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Children and young people grieve just as much as adults but they show it in different ways. They learn how to grieve by copying the responses of the adults around them, and rely on adults to provide them with the support they need in their grief.
Further guidance that may be helpful:
How might bereaved children react and what may help?

Children and young people have a limited ability to put feelings and thoughts into words and tend to show feelings with behaviours rather than words. Reactions will vary greatly as children absorb and process information in different ways at different ages.

The following reactions are common, and are likely to settle over time with reassurance, acknowledging what has happened and their feelings, giving them clear and age-appropriate information, and keeping to normal routines.

Picking up on tension and distress

Children pick up on tension, distress or anxiety in adults, and may mirror this in their own behaviour. Even babies sense that something important is missing, and may cry more than usual. Children of all ages may be clingy or unsettled.

Appearing not to react

Children under 6 years old do not understand that death is permanent. Children cannot handle strong emotions for long periods, and may jump quickly in and out of grief ('puddle jumping'). When told that someone important has died, some children may look blank and ask 'can I play' or 'what's for tea?' They may have heard, but they are not able to process what that means yet. They may react later with sudden crying, outbursts, changes in behaviour or asking questions.

Asking questions and exploring what death means

Children may ask repeatedly: "When's Nanny coming back?" or "Where has she gone?" even though they've been told clearly what has happened. They may hunt everywhere for a 'lost' person, and so a clear explanation of what 'died' means may help. Children may play games where the person dies, or is still alive. They may seem fascinated with death, play-act about death or ask repeatedly about it. All of these are ways that children show that they are processing their understanding of what has happened.

Feeling anxious or insecure

When someone dies, a child's sense of safety is rocked. They may not want to leave you, and may cling to you or follow you everywhere. They may behave as if they are younger: being very quiet or tearful, having temper flare-ups, sucking their thumb, being reluctant to do things they used to do with confidence, or wetting the bed.

Try to keep to normal routines which will help them feel safe, and keep them informed about plans for the days ahead. Tell them who will take them to school or activities. If you need to leave them, tell them when you will be home, or who will be looking after them.
Include them in simple decision-making that affects them. If the person who died was ill, address any fears about the illness (for example that it is not catching), and reassure them that you are not ill and not leaving them.

Anger

Anger and other strong emotions are natural reactions to sad or shocking news, and some children and young people may not be able to understand or manage their own feelings. They may feel angry at the person who died, at family, at themselves or at the world in general.

It can help to tell them it is understandable for them to be angry, as long as they don't hurt themselves or anyone else. Safe ways to release anger include hitting cushions, vigorous physical exercise, messy painting sessions, or going outside to shout very loudly.

Another idea is a 'safe zone' where they can go to calm down. This could be a quiet corner with familiar items that help them to feel safe.

Looking after adults or feeling responsible

As children realise that death is permanent, they also become aware that it happens to other people including themselves. They may be protective and try to look after their important adults and siblings. They may feel that they were somehow responsible for the death.

Primary aged children may show 'magical thinking' where they think 'if I do this, Dad will come back'. They may behave very well to compensate for what's happened, or be less well-behaved because they feel angry or guilty.

Denying what has happened or taking risks

Bereavement can be overwhelming, and can bring huge changes, alongside other challenges that young people face as they grow up. They may want to forget or deny the death or how strongly they feel. They may feel 'what's the point?' with school or social activities. Some young people may be impulsive or take risks, in an attempt to get back some control in a life that for them currently feels very out of control.

What helps grieving children and young people

Every child is unique and will cope with the death of someone important in their own way. There is no magic formula but things that help include:

Clear, honest and age-appropriate information

Reassurance that they are not to blame and that different feelings are OK

Normal routines and a clear demonstration that important adults are there for them

Time to talk about what has happened, ask questions and build memories

Being listened to and given time to grieve in their own way

Further information

More about how children and young people grieve, and what helps:

Finding support

For many bereaved children and young people, they may get all the support they need from those already around them that they know and trust. However, some children and young people may need additional support depending on their situation.

Latest

Most read

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Short films delivered by our support practitioners giving guidance on a range of bereavement topics. Read more

A list of books and resources relating to grief and bereavement and what may help. Read more

Watch short films and read experiences of bereaved families and how support has helped them. Read more

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Supporting bereaved children and young people

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Children and young people grieve just as much as adults but they show it in different ways. Find out how you can help them and more about child grieving.

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Essential support for under 25s

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Anxiety OCD & Phobias | What They Are & How To Cope | The Mix

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Anxiety and low mood session for parents & carers 

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Anxiety and low mood session for parents & carers 

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KEYNOTE: Anxiety and Low Mood Session for Parents/Carers

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Supporting a child with anxiety | Charlie Waller Trust

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A guide for parents & carers on how to support a child who is experiencing anxiety & provides practical strategies to help manage it

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Children and young people with anxiety: A parent's & carer's guide

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Children and young people with anxiety: A parent's & carer's guide

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Supporting A Child With Anxiety | Tips & Advice

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Supporting A Child With Anxiety | Tips & Advice

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What is anxiety?

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, fear or unease. It is often experienced as a combination of thoughts, feelings and physical sensations in our body.

All children and young people feel worried sometimes. This is a normal, human reaction to things that feel stressful. For example, before an exam a young person may feel more worried than usual. But they will soon feel calmer after the stressful event has passed.

Anxiety becomes a problem when a child or young person feels stuck in it. When this happens, it can become an overwhelming experience. It can also affect their daily life and limit the things they feel able to do.

If your child or young person is struggling with anxiety, there are things you can do to help them. We've got advice to help you provide reassuring support, work on strategies together and find professional help if they need it.

What makes young people anxious?

A child or young person may be anxious for different reasons. Feeling a bit more worried sometimes is normal and there is not always a clear reason for this. But if your child is feeling unmanageable amounts of anxiety, this is often a sign that something in their life isn't quite right. They may need support to work out what the problem is.

This video by St Catherine's College is a useful way of understanding how stress and anxiety might build up in a person's life.

The following kinds of things can make some children and young people feel anxious:

finding school difficult or experiencing school anxiety

being around someone else who is very anxious, such as a parent

going through a significant change, such as moving house, parents separating or changing school

the death or illness of a close family member or friend

having lots of responsibility, for example caring for other people in their family

experiencing family stress around things like housing, money and debt

going through experiences in which they do not feel safe, such as being bullied, witnessing or experiencing abuse, or experiencing discrimination such as racism, homophobia or transphobia

not getting the right support or having their needs recognised if they have a neurodiverse condition such as autism or ADHD

Signs of anxiety in children and young people

Anxiety often affects our body, thoughts, feelings and behaviour. A child or young person who is struggling with anxiety may also behave differently or start using coping mechanisms to try to manage or avoid the anxiety. Below are some of the signs to look out for in children and young people.

Young people share their experience of anxiety.

How to help your child or young person when they feel panicky

In a very anxious moment, your child or young person may feel frightened or worried about having a panic attack. If this happens, focus on helping them to calm down and feel safe. The strategies below can help.

Breathe slowly and deeply together

Show/hide caption

A hand with five fingers spread. A pointed finger shows instructions for moving around each finger with the words 'Breathe in' as you move upwards, and 'Breathe out' as you move downwards.

Together, hold your hands out in front of you. Trace the outline of each of your fingers slowly with your other hand. Breathe in as you go up each finger, and out as you come down. Move and breathe as slowly as feels comfortable. Over time, encourage your child or young person to breathe out for one or two counts longer than they breathe in. This can help their body to relax.

If you would like to have a copy of this technique with you, you can download and print our resource.

Try using all five senses together

Show/hide caption

A picture of eyes, an ear, a hand, a nose and a mouth. Text reads next to each one: "5 things you can see. 4 things you can hear. 3 things you can touch. 2 things you can smell. 1 thing you can taste."

Connecting with what we can see, touch, hear, smell and taste is sometimes called 'grounding'. Doing grounding techniques can make us feel more present and bring us back into our body. This can reduce the intensity of our anxiety. Think together about what they can see, touch, hear, smell and taste.

For example, they might notice: five different colours; four soft things in the room; three sounds like cars going past the window or the noise of the washing machine; two things they can smell, like a scented candle or a piece of fruit; and one thing they find soothing to eat.

If you would like to have a copy of this technique with you, you can download and print our resource.

Remember, you don't need to do all of these things each time. Everyone is different, and it's about figuring out which of these strategies suits them best.

After they have calmed down, it can help to remind them that the panicky feeling did not last forever. They were able to do things that helped and the feeling stopped.

How to help your child or young person manage their anxiety

As well as managing panicky moments, your child or young person can also learn how to deal with their anxiety over the longer-term.

Many of these strategies are about helping them to understand how their anxiety works and what helps them. The more confident they feel about this, the more they will believe in their ability to cope. This can make anxiety feel more manageable.

As you think about strategies you might try, always remind yourself you're doing your best. It's natural to feel a bit overwhelmed sometimes. But remember, you do not need to try five different things at once. Have a look through these suggestions and pick one or two things you think might help.

There are some daily activities that are really important for our mental health. These are:

physical exercise, or some movement

sleeping well

eating healthily

drinking water

connecting and spending quality time with loved ones

They might sound simple, but they can have a big effect on our mood. Regular exercise can be particularly important because it can help to reduce feelings of anxiety in the body. It doesn't have to be much - walking or gentle yoga can help.

If you have a teenager or young adult, reducing alcohol and caffeinated drinks such as coffee can help. This is because they can trigger the physical symptoms of anxiety.

Some children and young people will need support from a mental health professional. They may benefit from a specific diagnosis or a treatment such as talking therapy. You can find more information about this below.

Young people tell us it also helps to...

think about something you're looking forward to

imagine your thoughts leaving your brain and floating off into the sky

keep yourself occupied

have time out

reflect on how you're feeling

talk to other people you trust

remind yourself you're not alone - odds are someone in your friendship circle has anxiety or depression too

Finding professional help

You might also find helpful...

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

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Supporting A Child With Anxiety | Tips and Advice

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If your child or teenager is struggling with anxiety, we've got information about signs and treatment, and practical strategies you can do together.

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Feeling anxious sometimes is normal. But if worried thoughts are disrupting your life, it can become a real problem. Our information explains anxiety issues, and where to get help.

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Just like adults, children and young people feel worried and anxious at times.
But if your child's anxiety is starting to affect their wellbeing, they may need some help.

What makes children anxious?

Children can feel anxious about different things at different ages. Many of these worries are a normal part of growing up.

From the age of around 6 months to 3 years it's very common for young children to have separation anxiety. They may become clingy and cry when separated from their parents or carers. This is a normal stage in a child's development and should stop at around age 2 to 3.

It's also common for preschool-age children to develop specific fears or phobias. Common fears in early childhood include animals, insects, storms, heights, water, blood and the dark. These fears usually go away gradually on their own.

There may also be other times in a child's life when they feel anxious. For example, many children feel anxious when going to a new school or before tests and exams. Some children feel shy in social situations and may need support with this.

When is anxiety a problem for children?

Anxiety becomes a problem for children when it starts to get in the way of their everyday life.

If you go into any school at exam time, all the children will be anxious, but some may be so anxious that they do not manage to get to school that morning.

Severe anxiety like this can harm children's mental and emotional wellbeing, affecting their self-esteem and confidence. They may become withdrawn and go to great lengths to avoid things or situations that make them feel anxious.

What are the signs of anxiety in children?

When young children feel anxious, they cannot always understand or express what they are feeling. You may notice that they:

become irritable, tearful or clingy

have difficulty sleeping

wake in the night

start wetting the bed

have bad dreams

In older children you may notice that they:

lack confidence to try new things or seem unable to face simple, everyday challenges

find it hard to concentrate

have problems with sleeping or eating

have angry outbursts

have a lot of negative thoughts, or keep thinking that bad things are going to happen

start avoiding everyday activities, such as seeing friends, going out in public or going to school

Find out more about the symptoms of anxiety on our page about anxiety disorders in children.

Why is my child anxious?

Some children are more likely to have worries and anxiety than others.

Children often find change difficult and may become anxious following a house move or when starting a new school.

Children who have had a distressing or traumatic experience, such as a car accident or house fire, may have anxiety afterwards.

Family arguments and conflict can also make children feel insecure and anxious.

Teenagers are more likely to have social anxiety than other age groups, avoiding social gatherings or making excuses to get out of them.

Find out more about social anxiety.

How to help an anxious child

If a child is experiencing anxiety, there are things that parents and carers can do to help.

First and foremost, it's important to talk to your child about their anxiety or worries. Reassure them and show them you understand how they feel.

If your child is old enough, it may help to explain what anxiety is and the physical effects it has on our bodies. It may be helpful to describe anxiety as being like a wave that builds up and then ebbs away again.

As well as talking to your child about their worries and anxiety, it's important to help them find solutions.

For example, if your child is worried about going to a sleepover, it is natural to want to tell them not to go. However, this could mean your child feels that their anxiety will stop them from doing things.

It's better to recognise their anxiety and suggest solutions to help them, so they can go to the sleepover with a plan in place.

Other ways to ease anxiety in children

teach your child to recognise signs of anxiety in themselves

encourage your child to manage their anxiety and ask for help when they need it

children of all ages find routines reassuring, so try to stick to regular daily routines where possible

if your child is anxious because of distressing events, such as a bereavement or separation, look for books or films that will help them to understand their feelings

if you know a change, such as a house move, is coming up, prepare your child by talking to them about what is going to happen and why

try not to become overprotective or anxious yourself

practise simple relaxation techniques with your child, such as taking 3 deep, slow breaths, breathing in for a count of 3 and out for 3.

distraction can be helpful for young children. For example, if they are anxious about going to nursery, play games on the way there, such as seeing who can spot the most red cars

turn an empty tissue box into a "worry" box. Get your child to write about or draw their worries and "post" them into the box. Then you can sort through the box together at the end of the day or week

Find out more

When should we get help?

If your child's anxiety is severe, persists and interferes with their everyday life, it's a good idea to get some help.

A visit to a GP is a good place to start. If your child's anxiety is affecting their school life, it's a good idea to talk to their school as well.

Parents and carers can get help and advice about children's mental health from Young Minds' free parent helpline on 0808 802 5544, from Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 4pm.

Find out more about treatments on our page about anxiety disorders in children.

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How to help your child deal with anxiety about things such as going to school or socialising with friends. Also, how to tell when it's time to get medical help.

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Anxiety can affect anyone of any age, background or social group and many anxiety disorders begin in childhood and adolescence. Research suggests that as many as one in six young people will experience anxiety at some point or up to five children in a school class.
Did you know?

13.3% of 16 - 19 year olds and 15.8% of 20 - 24 year olds have experienced anxiety .

1.7% of 16 - 19 year olds and 2.2% of 20 -24 year olds have experienced a depressive episode.

0.9% of 16 - 19 year olds and 1.9% of 20 - 24 year olds have experienced Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

What is the best ways to help children overcome anxiety?

Acknowledge their feelings, even if they seem 'over the top' to an adult.

Regulate their physiological responses - using calming techniques.

Relate to them by connecting emotionally.

Reason with them - help them think through their experience and offer guidance.

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Free anxiety resources Supporting others Courses & groups Children and anxiety Anxiety can affect anyone of any age, background or social group and many anxiety disorders begin in childhood and adolescence. Research suggests that as many as one in six young people will experience anxiety at some point or up to five children in a [...]

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Anxiety and Anxiety Disorders | Signs and symptoms

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Anxiety and Anxiety Disorders | Signs and symptoms

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What is anxiety?

Anxiety is when you feel scared, worried or panicked about something. It's a normal, human feeling and your body's natural response to stress or danger. Anyone can experience anxiety, regardless of age, gender, race, culture or faith.

We all feel anxious from time to time. Day-to-day things like friendship, money, exams or work can cause anxiety. Or certain situations, such as travelling home at night, starting a new school or giving a presentation. But the feeling usually passes once we feel safe or solve the problem we had. Generally the worries stop and we're able to carry on with our lives.

As humans evolved, our brains developed an inbuilt alarm system. It warns us when something isn't right and we need to keep ourselves safe. This alarm triggers what is known as the 'fight or flight' response - this is when your body prepares to either run away, fight, or freeze.

Think about what happens in your body when you feel anxious. You might feel a churning feeling in your stomach, dizzy or light-headed or hot and sweaty. These symptoms are all part of the fight or flight response.

This can make us feel like we're in physical danger, but it's important to remember that feeling this way doesn't necessarily mean you are in danger.

What happens to our body in fight-or-flight mode?

When our brains are in fight-or-flight mode, our thinking brain - the part that helps you think clearly, learn and solve problems - switches off. This makes it hard to stay calm and control your emotions and behaviour. We evolved to have this response to help us react to dangerous situations our ancestors faced, like being chased by a predator.

But in modern life, we don't tend to face dangers like this anymore. Instead, our anxiety can be triggered by more complicated situations or feelings where it might not help us to run away, fight or freeze. Yet we still experience the fight-or-flight response.

There are things you can do to help when you feel this way. You can use activities that soothe or distract you and bring your attention back to your body and senses. This calms the fight-or-flight response and switches the thinking brain back on so you can start to feel better.

When does anxiety become a problem?

Anxiety becomes a problem when it is more long term and you feel stuck in your worries or fears. They may last for a long time, even after a stressful situation has passed. You might feel upset and overwhelmed, as if your worries are too big to manage. Or they may stop you from doing everyday things.

When anxiety becomes a problem, it is sometimes called an anxiety disorder. There are different types of anxiety disorders and they can affect your life in different ways. Speaking to your GP, or someone else you trust, can help you find out what the problem is and how you can take care of yourself.

For more advice on reaching out for help, take a look at our guide.

Young people have told us that their anxiety has sometimes been dismissed as perfectionism or the normal ups and downs of being a teenager. But if it's impacting your life, it's important to get the help you need. Remember, however you're feeling is valid, even if you're not sure why you feel the way you do.

Anxiety can feel lonely and impact your self-esteem, but you are not alone. Things can improve and get better. Our section on looking after yourself if you have anxiety has lots of information to help you find what works for you.

We asked young people what it's like to live with anxiety. Here's what they said:

Just remember that if you're struggling with anxiety or panic attacks, you are not alone.

What causes anxiety?

There are lots of things that can cause anxiety. It could be how you feel in specific situations, however big or small, or life events that are out of your control. It might be because of something that happened in the past, worries about the future or things that you know could happen.

We all experience stressful situations in different ways. What makes you feel anxious might not make someone else feel anxious at all. That doesn't make your feelings wrong. We all have different things that we find difficult and that's okay.

Sometimes it's really clear what's making us anxious, but sometimes it's not. You might feel like your anxiety comes out of nowhere and this can be upsetting and confusing. But how you feel is valid. There's no right or wrong thing to feel anxious about.

Some common things that can cause anxiety include:

Discrimination and anxiety

Experiencing discrimination against your identity can also be a big source of anxiety. This could be because of your race, religion, abilities, sexuality, gender identity or something else. You might experience abuse, injustice or be scared to be yourself. Discrimination is never okay, and you deserve to feel proud of who you are.

We know that if you're experiencing discrimination, talking to someone you trust can really help. But it can help to talk to someone who understands you and your background. See the bottom of this page for a list of organisations that work with specific groups of young people to offer tailored support.

Show/hide caption

Illustration by @fiorenza_art. A sitting fox has a thinking bubble with a heart inside and text on their tail reads, 'at this very moment, someone somewhere feels the same way you do. And that makes me feel a bit less alone.'

Real stories from young people about what caused their anxiety

Symptoms and signs of anxiety

Anxiety looks and feels different for everyone. We might notice anxiety in:

stomach problems, such as pains, feeling sick or diarrhoea

heart beating really fast

fast, shallow breathing

feeling light-headed, dizzy or faint

grinding your teeth

shaking or trembling

sweating more than usual

nervous, on edge and unable to relax

overwhelmed

like something bad is going to happen

out of control

tired and grumpy

needing reassurance or worrying you've upset someone

self-conscious

Anxiety is a healthy human emotion that we all feel sometimes. That means most of us will have felt some of these feelings at some point. So if some of these symptoms feel familiar, that doesn't mean you have a problem.

But if any of them are affecting your everyday life or causing you distress, it's a good idea to tell someone you trust or speak to your GP. We have lots of advice and information in our guide on how to talk to your GP.

These physical symptoms can be so frustrating and a huge discomfort. And when we don't know how common they are, it can leave us feeling all alone.

Types of anxiety disorders

Understanding different types of anxiety disorders can help you understand your own experience better and explain it to people you trust. As there are many ways to experience anxiety, you might recognise your experience in more than one anxiety disorder, or you might not recognise your experience here at all. That doesn't mean that your experience isn't valid.

The important thing is that you speak to your GP if you are struggling with anxiety, however that looks. They can help you find the support that's right for you, whatever you're going through.

If you have GAD you might find it difficult to control your worries. You can feel symptoms of anxiety often or all the time. This might be completely out of the blue or triggered by a range of situations. This can include situations where you might not expect to feel anxious.

Symptoms of GAD can include:

feeling restless, irritable or on edge

being unable to control worries

having difficulty concentrating

getting tired easily

sleep problems

pain such as headaches, muscle aches and stomach aches

It's normal to experiences nerves, worry or stress when you're studying. Especially when you have exams or assignments coming up. But if your anxiety feels too overwhelming and you're finding it hard to cope, it's time to reach out for help. Speaking to someone you trust is the first step towards getting support. This could be someone at school or university, your GP or someone close to you.

Our bloggers share their experiences of anxiety

Treating anxiety disorders

Illustration by Emily @21andsensory. Black text in the centre of a white background reads, 'believe in yourself and magic will happen.'

Feeling constant anxiety can be a sign that something isn't right, and you may need some help figuring out what that is. Your GP can suggest different types of treatment that can help if they think you're suffering from anxiety. They can also offer regular check-ups to see how you're doing.

There are a few different ways of treating anxiety disorders. Your treatment will depend on your age and the cause of your anxiety. You might try one, or end up using a combination of treatment options. The important thing is to find what works best for you.

Take a look below at the different types of treatment you may be offered.

Talking therapy can help you get to the root of what is causing your anxiety. One of the most common types of talking therapy used to treat anxiety is cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). With CBT, you work with a therapist who helps you understand your thoughts and feelings. They then help you explore ways to change how they affect you. You also learn practical techniques to help you relax and cope better in everyday life.

Have a look at our counselling and therapy guide to find out more about different types of talking therapies and what happens in a therapy session.

Applied relaxation can help you manage the physical symptoms of anxiety. The focus is to learn how to relax your muscles in a particular way. You can then use this technique when you're in situations that usually cause anxiety.

Take a look at Eve's blog on how Progressive Muscle Relaxation helps her when she feels anxious or panicked.

If anxiety is stopping you from going to the doctor

It can be difficult if making appointments and going to the doctor gives you anxiety. If your anxiety is stopping you from getting treatment, let your GP know. They will be able to make arrangements to help.

For example, they could arrange phone calls or home visits. You could take someone with you to appointments or ask someone to call the GP for you. It's okay to tell your GP if you are struggling and need to make adjustments.

You may have heard that waiting times for mental health support can be quite long. The reality is that this will vary on the type of support that your GP thinks you need and where you are in the country. The waiting times vary in different areas. If you would like to know more about this, it's okay to ask your GP when they refer you. They may not know exactly, but they might be able to give you a rough timeframe.

This can feel really frustrating. But it's important to remember that how you're feeling is valid, however long you have to wait for support. Also, there are lots of things you can do to help yourself while you're waiting. Take a look at some tips that young people have told us helped them.

I noticed behaviours, mindsets and thought patterns that were having a negative effect on my mental health, and I still use the techniques I learnt in CBT to cope with these.

To this day, I still use these methods if I feel a wave of anxiety coming on, and they have truly helped me become stronger and more able to cope with difficulties in life.

Ways to look after yourself if you have anxiety

If you're struggling with anxiety, there are things you can do and support available to help you feel better. Different techniques will work for different people, and there might be one or two activities that you know you can use at different times.

For example, breathing and mindfulness. This could help you feel calm before doing something that you know makes you anxious. But this might not help in an anxious moment. Instead, you might move or stretch your body, play a game, or focus your attention on your senses and what's around you.

Below are some coping technique ideas that you can try.

Self-help techniques for anxiety aren't a replacement for getting help or a way for you to fix anxiety on your own. They are ways of looking after your mental health, like we would our physical health. Take a look at some ideas below.

Keeping a diary of your thoughts, worries and about times when you feel anxious can help you recognise signs or patterns in your anxiety. This empowers you to know when you need to ask for help or do something to help yourself.

Playing games with your friends or on your own is a great way to take time out from daily life. This could be sports, jigsaws, card games or video games. There are also lots of apps to help us relax and feel calmer, such as puzzles, classic arcade games or playing with patterns and colours.

Express yourself in creative ways. This could be anything from drawing and painting to photography or baking. Keeping ourselves busy and making something can help us manage our worries and feel present.

Relax by listening to a playlist of songs or a podcast that you find soothing. Or rewatch your favourite TV show or movie that feels familiar to you.

How to make a self-soothe box

Our Activists explain what a self-soothe box is, how it can help you when you're feeling anxious or panicky, and what they have in theirs. Have a look at Eve's blog for more ideas on what you could put in your self-soothe box.

What is a self-soothe box?

In its simplest form, self-care is just the little things we do to look after our mental health. Alongside relaxing activities, self-care can also be showing ourselves compassion, setting boundaries or not comparing ourselves to others. Self-care will look different for everyone.

Take a look at our guides for more advice on finding out what self-care means for you.

Our bloggers share their coping techniques for anxiety

How to support a friend with anxiety

It can be difficult to know what to do if your friend or someone close to you is struggling with anxiety. It's normal to feel worried, confused or scared of saying or doing the wrong thing. But remember that it's not your responsibility to fix anything. Sometimes just listening to how they're feeling can be a really big help.

If a friend opens up to you about struggling with anxiety, here are some things you can do to support them.

It's important to remember to look after your own mental health too and only support them in ways that feel manageable for you. It's not all on you to support your friend with anxiety. For more information and advice, have a look at our guide on supporting a friend with their mental health.

We never really spoke of my troubles explicitly; he just knew that I was struggling and was always on hand to suggest fun activities and encourage me to do them with him.

Where to get help

If anxiety is taking over, you are not alone. Here are some services that can help you get through this.

This page was reviewed in June 2023. It was co-created by young people with lived experience of anxiety. We will next review the page in 2026. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.

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Anxiety and Anxiety Disorders | Signs and symptoms

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Anxiety is a feeling of fear or panic that many young people experience. Find out about the causes and symptoms of anxiety and where to get help.

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Adult (16+) - British Dyslexia Association

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Dyslexia can have an impact on many aspects of everyday life. We look at common issues…

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The Umbrella Gang Comics - ADHD Foundation

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In collaboration with Dekko Comics, we have produced a series of comics based around some of our young ambassadors - the Umbrella Gang! Click the buttons to read.

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Schooling Tips for Parents of Autistic Children

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Schooling Tips for Parents of Autistic Children

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by Dr Anne Emerson, Associate Professor in Special and Inclusive Education at the University of Nottingham.

Autism is a very broad spectrum, and those who are autistic have a wide range of varied characteristics, just like all children. However, there are a number of aspects that many autistic people will have in common. One of these is a need to be clear about what is going to happen and to know what is expected of them. This can be seen as an 'intolerance of uncertainty' where unfamiliar places or events can cause anxiety.

This goes along with some challenges of socialising with other people because some aspects of communication, either the verbal or non-verbal aspects, or both, are difficult to understand or to do.

Most children who are identified as being on the autism spectrum, or who have autistic traits, attend mainstream schools. All schools have rules, which can often help autistic children to know what to do. However, unexpected things frequently happen, and when they do, autistic children tend to feel uncomfortable or frightened.

These tips will help you to support your child to feel safe and confident at home and at school. First, I will offer advice for children in mainstream schools and then tips for children in special schools.

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Schooling tips for parents of autistic children

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Advice for parents of autistic children aimed at helping them to navigate their way through school. With tips for parents of children in mainstream and special schools.

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Explaining the need for this project

We asked parents of autistic children what information they needed most when their child was diagnosed and they told us that managing their child's stress and anxiety was their top priority.

Many autistic people tell us that daily life would be more manageable if they had better help with their anxiety.

Anxiety disorders affect 42% of autistic children and 54% of autistic adults in the UK. Going to school, making friends and even leaving the house can become daily challenges.

Therapies used for anxiety need to be adapted for autistic people and many mental health services lack professional staff with these specialist skills. As a result, therapy is often unavailable or there is a long waiting list.

The process

Emily and her team tested their toolkit with people who have anxiety. They developed four versions of their toolkit for

autistic children

autistic teenagers

autistic adults

parents and carers

They ran a test called a randomised controlled trial or RCT.

One group in the study received the toolkit therapy straight away and the other group received the toolkit a few weeks later, giving time to test for group differences. Participants were placed in each group randomly - this reduces the likelihood of bias when the results of the study are analysed.

The trial showed whether using the toolkit

improved detection of anxiety symptoms compared to autism symptoms.

reduced anxiety symptoms

How this project is making a difference

Many people found the toolkit useful. It helped people to overcome anxious moments and try new things, such as travelling independently to college. Parents also said they felt more confident with supporting their child though stressful times. Some said that it was difficult to find what they needed in the toolkit, this is why we developed a personalised mobile app. We chose the most useful tools and added them as daily tips on the app, which can be 'liked' if you want to easily find them again in future. The mobile app is aimed at independent learners (teenagers and adults) and their supporters. Find out more about the app, called Molehill Mountain.

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Reducing anxiety for autistic young people - Autism research | Autistica | Autistica

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Autistica are working with autistic young people and their families to help them understand and improve their anxiety.

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App to Help Autistic People Understand and Self-Manage Anxiety

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App to Help Autistic People Understand and Self-Manage Anxiety

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Molehill Mountain is an app to help autistic people understand and self-manage anxiety.

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This section looks at the subject of bereavement, how it can affect autistic people and what we can do to help

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What you can do about depression

Jump to: See your doctor Medication Talking therapy Support groups Support services Find out more

See your doctor

Autistic people tell us that going to the doctor can be stressful because they feel that health professionals do not understand their needs. But seeing your doctor when you're experiencing symptoms of depression is an important step towards looking after yourself.

Medication

Some people take medication, such as antidepressants or mood stabilizers, to manage their depression. Your doctor can discuss options with you. Some small research studies report that medication improves low mood, sleep disturbance and self-injury in autistic people. Make sure you always tell the doctor or therapist about your autism because it may affect the treatment you are prescribed and how your doctor communicates with you.

Talking therapy

Talking to a therapist can help you find ways to cope with your depression. There is some evidence to support the use of talking therapy with autistic people, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). CBT has been adapted for autistic people but more research is needed to understand how effective it is at treating depression.

Find out more about CBT on our page about anxiety and autism.

Support groups

Many autistic people find that sharing their experiences with other autistic people helps them feel less anxious. It might be difficult to tell people how you are feeling, but talking to someone can really help you to feel better. If you can't talk to a family member or a friend, contact a support group.

Support services

You may feel like speaking to someone who can give you more information about the supports that are available or to help you think through how you're feeling. There are support services that you can call or email.

Samaritans Helpline: 116 123 (freephone) or email: jo@samaritans.org

Mind Helpline: 0300 123 3393

Find out more

Read our leaflet on mental health and autism

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Depression - Autism | Autistica | Autistica

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Depression is a mental health condition that is more common in autistic people. Find out what you can do about depression.

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Advice, guidance and useful resources about autism and anxiety.

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Autism and Mental Health | Signs & Symptoms of Autism

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Autism and Mental Health | Signs & Symptoms of Autism

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Autism and Mental Health | Signs & Symptoms of Autism

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Autism - or autism spectrum disorder (ASD) - affects how you see the world and how you interact with other people. Find out the symptoms and get help.

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Young people make many transitions in their lives, but one of the most critical is the move from school to adulthood.

For many young people, the challenges are manageable and quickly overcome. For others, the transition can create significant distress and anxiety, and potentially worsen pre-existing mental health conditions.

At many universities, drop-out rates of first year students have risen for a third consecutive year, and UK universities have seen an increase in demand for student mental health support services.

One of the most important things schools can do to support students' transition is to implement a whole school approach to student wellbeing, as well as taking targeted action to support those who may find it a more challenging time.

The impact of leaving school on mental health

The absence of a school routine, managing new responsibilities, making difficult decisions and stepping into what feels like the unknown might feel overwhelming for some young people.

Some of the things they may worry about include:

Academic demands of higher education learning

Anxiety over future career opportunities

Feeling pressured or failing to fit into a typical university lifestyle/work environment

Making meaningful friendships or feeling lonely

Living with strangers and learning to live independently

Financial pressures and worries over debt

Young people are also under increasing pressure to attend higher education and to obtain degree-level qualifications. When a young person feels significant pressure, this can affect them making the choices that are right for them.

Pressure may come from the individual themselves or from parents/carers, teachers and peers. Pressure and stress can have a direct effect on mood, which may lead to anxiety and depression.

Young people can also face difficulties as they lose support from school or college student services, or Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services. It is essential that universities, colleges and schools work together to better support young people as they make the leap from school to university and work.

Helping young people with additional needs transition smoothly

Some young people may be more impacted by leaving school than others. This includes:

Young people with existing mental health difficulties, who might also be experiencing the transition from child mental health service to adult support services

Young people from disadvantaged backgrounds, who experience financial challenges

Young people with specialist educational needs and disabilities

Young people who are looked-after, who may also be facing other major life changes and challenges such as finding suitable accommodation and financial pressures

What schools and further education settings can do

Keep the needs and wants of young people at the centre of all transitions and activities

Expect students' preferences to be diverse and provide options that are flexible

Provide young people with the opportunity to build relationships beyond the school community; for example through volunteering/work experience

Encourage young people to book onto university/apprenticeship open days to offer an insight into student/work life to prepare for the changes ahead

Explore the diverse routes adults have taken to get their current job e.g., vocational (inc. apprenticeships), academic, starting their own business etc. Invite ex-students to share their own experiences

Help young people choose a career path by breaking down big decisions into small steps - they could start by writing down their skills and exploring what interests them the most

Support them to make short and long-term goals which help to build critical thinking skills and become more independent

If a young person is feeling particularly anxious or stressed about their future or leaving school, there are some things school staff can do to support them:

Urge them to stay connected with family and friends. Talking to friends may help validate their feelings, the realisation that others feel the same can be comforting

Advise them on the importance of a healthy sleeping routine e.g., managing time spent on mobile devices and social media

Offer support around relaxation techniques e.g., square breathing and muscle relaxation

Encourage them to engage in physical activity - exercise burns off the 'stress hormone' cortisol, so exercise can help the body to relax

Encourage them to write about their thoughts - journaling can help to reduce mental distress and improve wellbeing. Writing about positive feelings as well as negative ones can ease symptoms of anxiety and low mood

Support them with healthy coping skills to minimise, tolerate and manage stressful situations - for example using mindfulness techniques

Know before you go: guide to navigating university life

A detailed guide for young people about what to expect from university life.

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Developing a growth mindset activity

A worksheet and lesson plan looking at scenarios young people may experience in further or higher...

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Learning about career sectors

Help young people feel more confident about leaving school and joining the world of work with this...

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Helping your child prepare to leave school

Advice for parents or carers of students with additional learning needs as they prepare to leave...

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Leaving school and future plans : Mentally Healthy Schools

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Young people make many transitions in their lives, but one of the most critical is the move from school to adulthood.

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Supporting School Transitions | Mental Health Resources

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Supporting School Transitions | Mental Health Resources

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Supporting school transitions | Resources

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Resources providing practical tips and tools to help pupils, schools, parents and carers to manage changes and transitions throughout their time at school.

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Moving Up! The transition to secondary school

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Social Media and Mental Health | Tips and Advice

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Social Media and Mental Health | Tips and Advice

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It's not always easy to tell why you're feeling down when you're online. Take some time to go through your social media feed to work out what's making you feel good, and what's not.

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At the top of the image, the text reads: Clean your feed. Underneath that there is smaller text which reads: How do the posts you see make you feel? The first post-it note is of a smiley face emoji with the text: Wahey! Keep it coming. The next post-it note is a sleeping emoji with the text: Bored? Worth your time? The third post-it is the angry emoji with the text: Angry, probably unfollow. The fourth is an emoji with no mouth, it reads: Speechless, good way or bad? The next is a smiley emoji with two hands that reads: Inspired, share the love. The final post-it has a sad face with the text: negative, nobody needs this.

Unfollow or mute accounts

Try unfollowing or muting accounts that annoy you, upset you, or take up too much of your time.

Delete social media apps

Remember you don't have to be on every social media channel. Try deleting one app from your phone for a week and see what happens.

Limit your time online

Try limiting your time on social media before you go to sleep and when you first wake up.

Think before you post

Before you post or comment ask yourself: am I doing something positive for myself and the people who'll see this?

Use the emoji scale

Use our emoji scale to work out how stuff in your social media feed is making you feel.

Whatever your passions are in life, you're not alone. There are accounts out there that will interest and excite you, and help you explore your passions.

Being part of a positive online community can give a boost to your mental health.

Explore and discover

See which accounts people you enjoy following follow themselves, and explore the hashtags they use to discover more stuff like it. Don't forget to shout out positive people by liking, commenting and sharing their posts.

Positive content

Follow accounts that make you feel good, keep you interested and share positive content (e.g. @youngmindsuk).

Build your feed

Build your own positive following, as well as following positive people. Did you know that you can select who follows you and what they see?

You are not alone

You are not alone. Whatever your passion is, there will be other people online who share it. Find like-minded online communities and use social media to fuel your passions.

Be aware

It's important to remember that while many online mental health communities are positive spaces, some can be negative for you and your recovery. Avoid any spaces that encourage you to do things which are harmful for your physical or mental health. If you're struggling with things you're experiencing online, talk to someone you trust.

You never know what someone else is going through and, whether you realise it or not, your support could make all the difference.

Social media is a great place to let your friends know you haven't forgotten them, that you care about them and that they matter - and getting involved in making the online world a more positive place to be could give you a boost too!

Support causes

What change would you like to see in the world? Use your feed to support the causes you care about and help make them happen.

Check in with yourself

Check your mood before using social media, and think about what you're going on there to do before you dive in. Ask yourself: is social media going to make me feel better or worse right now?

Positive communities

Remember: not all the advice you get online is from experts, even if it comes from people who know what you are going through. Positive communities will never advise you to do anything harmful, or anything which makes you feel worse.

Apps like Facebook, Instagram and YouTube make it easy to track your time online, whether you're on iOS or Android.
For Facebook, go to More > Settings and privacy > Your time on Facebook.
For Instagram, go to Your account > More > Settings and your activity.

You can set daily reminders telling you how long you've been using an app. On Facebook for example, go to Your time on Facebook > Set daily reminder. Then set your ideal daily usage.

Apps like Hold are handy, especially if you're trying to focus on studying. Hold rewards you for putting your phone down. You get 'pocket points' which can be exchanged for coffee vouchers and cinema tickets. There are many other apps out there that help you stay off your phone, but don't reward you, like Moment, Stay Focused and OFFTIME.

Meditation apps like Calm have stories that can help you get to sleep, as well as daily breathing exercises that help you relax. Calm even has masterclasses taught by world-renowned experts.

If you'd like to switch off the blue night your screen emits at night, some phones have night mode.
iOS
Go to Settings > Control Centre > Night Shift
Older iPhones have shortcuts to Night Shift if you swipe up from the bottom of the screen. The shortcut on newer iPhones appears if you drag down from the top right of the screen.
Android
Android devices often have an 'eye comfort' mode. This setting can be found by dragging your finger down from the top of the screen and tapping 'eye comfort'. If you press and hold this option, you'll also find a convenient schedule option to save you more work.

When you need to unwind, you may find that something simple like trying an audiobook rather than reading on your phone may help. Apps like Audible come with a 30-day free trial.

For free advice, pop into any O2 shop to speak to an O2 Guru. Whether you're an O2 customer or not, you can chat to a Guru about setting up your phone and choose apps to work for you.

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Graphic by @crazyheadcomics that shows a list of things it's okay to do on social media to look after your mental health.

If you are experiencing online bullying, you need to report it. You need to remember that the people who are hurting you might be hurt themselves. You are never alone and your problems are not insignificant.

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Social Media and Mental Health | Tips and Advice

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How you experience social media can affect your mental health. Find out what help is available if you ever feel overwhelmed by social media.

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Social media and online safety | NSPCC Learning

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Guidance for organisations and groups about communicating with children and young people online and through social media

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Social Media & Mental Health: Guide for Parents

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Social Media & Mental Health: Guide for Parents

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If you are worried about your child or teenager using the internet, this guide provides tips and advice for talking to your child about their use of social media and the internet.

Get advice and updates directly to your inbox

Join our fight for children and young people's mental health. Sign up to the YoungMinds mailing list to receive our monthly e-newsletter, campaign updates, information about events and fundraising and other opportunities to get involved in our work.

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Guide Menu for Social media

The internet offers huge opportunities. From a young age, children have the chance to learn, research, play games, have fun and connect with family who may not live nearby. But it's important to help them to use the online world in a way that's safe and positive for their mental health.

That's why it's good to have regular conversations about the internet and social media from a young age - it should be as ordinary as talking about the weather, the dog, or something you've watched on TV.

You don't need to pry or quiz your child about every website they've seen, but checking in with them for a minute or two can make a huge difference.

Take a look at our tips below for having positive conversations with your child about social media.

Although most social media platforms are officially 13+, most children sign up to at least one when they're much younger. It's better that you encourage them to be open with you, rather than thinking they need to keep it a secret from you. And be aware that if they accept your follow/friend request on a social media account, it's very possible they have another one that they're not sharing with you.

Remind your child that every social media platform has privacy settings, and show them how to use them.

Talk to your child about the sort of information they want to keep private.

Make sure your child understands how to report or block things that aren't appropriate.

Help your child to understand that they shouldn't feel the need to be available all the time on social media. It's okay to take a break, and you don't need to take part in every conversation.

Setting realistic boundaries

The boundaries you set for internet use will depend on your child's age. It's like teaching your child to cross the road: you'll make sure they hold your hand when they're very young, but as they grow older you want them to assess the risks and stay safe more independently.

Whatever their age, it's a good idea to sit down together with your child to agree some rules about how much time they spend online. For example, you might want to agree that they shouldn't go online just before bed or use any devices at night, because this can affect their sleep. You can often set timers on devices to limit internet use - but try to help your child manage this for themselves as well.

You can also set up parental controls to stop your child from accessing harmful content online, but your child may well learn how to get round these. That's why it's important to make sure your child is able to make good decisions for themselves.

Talking to your child about gaming

It is worth checking the ratings on the games your child is playing. If your child wants to buy a game that looks like it's extremely violent or too old for them, then trust your judgement if you don't feel it's appropriate.

We have more information and advice to help you and your family create a healthy culture around gaming, and to help you support your child if they're struggling.

Cyberbullying

Bullying isn't okay, whether it happens at school, at home or on the internet. If your child is receiving nasty messages, or people are posting unwanted things about them, or they feel harassed, they should do something about it.

Encourage them to talk to you. Even if it seems like a small thing, it can really help to talk things through with you about what to do.

Make sure they understand how to block and report the people involved, and to use the privacy settings to limit what people can see on their profiles.

Help them understand that they are responsible for what they post. They should remember to think about what effect their posts might have on others, and that they probably shouldn't say anything online that they wouldn't say in person. That means not writing nasty things about people you know - but it also means not posting abuse to celebrities, who are real people too.

Spotting and acting on the warning signs

You know your child well, and may well recognise it if something is wrong. It's important to act on the warning signs. If you start to feel concerned:

Talk to your child openly.

Listen to what they have to say.

Don't rush to judgement.

Make sure they know you'll always be there for them.

Where to get further support

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

You might also find helpful...

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Social Media & Mental Health | Guide For Parents

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If you are worried about your child or teenager using the internet, read our guide and resources on talking to your child about their use of social media.

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School Anxiety and Refusal: How Parents Can Help

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School Anxiety and Refusal: How Parents Can Help

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School phobia, or school-related anxiety - sometimes called 'school refusal' - is when your child feels fearful or anxious about school and/or is unable to go to school. It's also referred to as emotionally-based school avoidance (EBSA) or anxiety-related absence.
It can happen at any age, and it can be more common among children with additional or special educational needs (SEN). There can be many reasons why your child might experience school anxiety, but dealing with it can be stressful for you as a parent, as well as your child.

Parents' Toolkit has teamed up with educational psychologist Dr Amanda Furness and SEN advisory teacher Sarah Barton to give you advice on how to handle 'school refusal' and where to go for help.

'School refusal' is a catch-all term often used to describe when a child is anxious about or unable to attend school.

Dr Amanda Furness points out the term can be misleading because, "it implies that children and young people are making a choice not to attend", whereas in reality there are likely to be many interacting contributing factors. Therefore many people prefer to call it emotionally-based school avoidance (EBSA).

There's some evidence to suggest more pupils have experienced challenges getting in to school since the Covid-19 pandemic. In the autumn term of 2021, almost 1.7m children missed seven days of school or more. Even allowing for some Covid disruption, that figure is significantly higher than before the pandemic.

Dr Furness says difficulties attending school, whether primary or secondary, "can happen suddenly or build over time" and "can be very complex and are likely to be due to a range of interactive factors". However, reasons for not wanting to go back in can include anxieties around...

social and/or work pressures at school

difficulties maintaining positive relationships with peers or staff

unmet needs (eg: additional needs or feeling unsafe)

home and/or family factors

sensory needs making the environment feel overwhelming

Other reasons include a range of socioeconomic factors, plus some parents choosing to electively home educate their children because they feel their child's needs were no longer being met in school.

BBC News has reported that some schools have even started picking kids up from home to boost attendance.

Dr Furness says: "It's common for young people who feel unable to attend school to experience heightened anxiety," but it might not always show up in a " typical way". Some ways you might spot it in your child include...

not wanting to get up, get ready or go to school

anxiety and heightened emotions when getting ready to leave for school

physical symptoms like headaches, stomach ache or feeling sick

a change in behaviour either by becoming more withdrawn or acting out more

trouble sleeping or getting to sleep

not doing schoolwork or performing worse at school

not going into school without telling you

When a child elects not to go to school it can have a knock on effect for others - especially for a parent or carer who may then have to stay off work, but the resulting stress can then exacerbate feelings of guilt or worry in the child.

It can be a worrying time for you as a parent, so go easy on yourself and your child. The most important thing is to listen to your child and to try and be calm, patient and show empathy. It's also important to look after yourself and seek support when you need it.

Dr Furness says start by working together with your child and their school to identify patterns or possible triggers.

Consider whether there are any current social difficulties or learning challenges, or if there have been any events or triggers that could have caused a change in the way the child feels about school."

"It's important to have open and non-confrontational conversations with young people about what they're finding difficult, remembering that they may not be able to verbalise this fully themselves."

Start talking to your child's school as early as you can. "Most schools will suggest talking with the class teacher first, and this can be escalated to the school Special Educational Needs and Disability Coordinator (SENDCo), who will be able to advise on support. Also - have open conversations with school staff who monitor attendance."

If your child is able to make it into school, you can still support them by talking through the school day and discussing what might help at each stage, linking them up with a pastoral staff member and/or peer buddy at school, providing a safe space for them within school, and having a 'time-out' or 'exit' card they can use in class if they feel anxious.

Some children may also benefit from extra responsibilities at school, or involvement in sport or extracurricular activities. Discuss what might work best with your child's teacher or SENDCo.

If your child isn't able to get into school, avoid arguing with them and be supportive of any small achievements they make, like putting their uniform on or walking to the school gates, even if they can't go in.
Keep in regular contact with school and work with them on strategies to help your child, including work for them to do at home if necessary. Keep a note of your correspondence as you may be asked to provide evidence that your child isn't well enough to be in school.

Sarah Barton works with children and parents in Rochdale who've decided to electively home educate their child, often due to emotionally-based school avoidance. She advises getting help whilst your child is still enrolled at school...

"See what's available at your local Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS) - do they have a drop-in centre? Look into local charities like Thrive that can support you. Talk to school about what support will look like, how it can be measured - in terms of goal-setting - and how you'll adjust things as you go along."

Get in touch with CAMHS as early as possible if you have any concerns about your child's mental health - waiting times for CAHMS have risen since the pandemic with the average wait last year being more than two months, topping eight months in some areas. Our mental health first aid kit for parents can guide you through steps to take and offers some things you can do whilst you and your child are waiting to access these services.

It's also worth making an appointment with your GP to check for any neurological issues and to discuss next steps.

Dr Furness says children with special educational needs (SEN), "may experience heightened anxiety due to social factors, environmental factors (e.g. sensory needs), or learning barriers."

"Some children with social, emotional and mental health needs can experience high levels of stress. They may mask these needs in school and show them more at home until they're no longer able to maintain their masking. This often leads to a seemingly sudden change in their attendance or behaviour."

Take things slowly with your child and gradually introduce tasks for them to complete, to help them get to school or cope once they're in school.

Whilst each child's needs will be individual to them, Dr Furness recommends identifying a 'safe place' and 'safe adult' in school, particularly around transitions. "If you know your child is anxious about school, be proactive in getting support in place before this escalates. Work with the SENDCo to identify potential barriers and reasonable adjustments that can be made."

Sarah Barton adds: "Talk to the school about a bespoke support package for your child, for example: who do they report to when they get into school? Should we have a phone call with the family at the end of the day? What plan is in place if your child doesn't go in that day?"

You can also apply to your local authority for an education, health and care plan (EHC) which will work out your child's educational, health and/or social needs and set out the additional support needed to meet those needs.

Dr Furness says support will look different for each child, but some ideas include...

Ensure each day is a fresh start. Often pupils who've been unable to attend school then feel they can't reintegrate.

Try to avoid a 'shame cycle'. Acknowledge their difficulty, validate their feelings and explain that you can work together to overcome barriers.

Work with the school to identify learning that can be done at home. This will help to ensure that your child doesn't feel like they've fallen behind too much.

Be proactive in lowering baseline levels of anxiety. For example, through mindfulness activities around transition points.

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School anxiety and refusal: How parents can help their child get through tough times - BBC Parents' Toolkit

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Emotionally-based school avoidance, or 'school refusal', has increased since the pandemic. Here are tips to help parents to understand what causes it and to help their child cope.

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The clinical-grade mindfulness-based cognitive therapy program for improved mental health

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Maintaining Positive Wellbeing During Stressful Times

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Maintaining Positive Wellbeing During Stressful Times

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It's important to think about what's gone well rather than blanking those parts out and focusing on the negatives. Take time to notice the positives. Equally, it's important to talk to people if things aren't going as they should. If the person can listen to you and really hear what you're saying, together you can move things forward.

Notice what's going on with your friends, family, colleagues. Find the time to ask the question 'how are you'? And ask it twice to show that you really want to know how the person is, and that it's not just a question used in passing. It's so important to talk to each other and listen.

If we look after ourselves, we will thrive - just like a tree. It needs to be in the right position, with access to food and water, in order to blossom.

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Positive wellbeing during stressful times

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An informal conversation exploring some easily accessible and structured strategies to help support your mental health and wellbeing

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Mental Health Foundation | Good mental health for all

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Explore information to help you understand mental health and get advice on how you look after your own mental health or support someone you know with theirs.