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Hi Cam,  A star that I noticed in your presentation was how informative/nicely done your piece was. Especially how detailed your slides were. For Example, I liked how your slides included a cool collage throughout your slides. Another star I noticed in your presentation was how appealing your hook was. For example I like how you wrote the hook as if it were from others perspectives. I do wish that your closing included better word choice to end off your presentation. As well as I wish your closing was unique and really reminded the reader about your topic.

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hey cami wami! A star for your life’s is your pictures you used and how you decorated them. You slides were really filled with pictures and looked so decorative! Another star is your conclusion. You ended it in a really good way and nicely. One wish is your word choice. You could of added better words in. But other then that your slides were so good!!-lex c

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Hi Camila! A strength in your presentation “Lana Del Rey: Greatest American Songwriter” is how decorated each slide is. Each slide has photos of Lana that go with each other. Also on each slide it has a different color theme of her which makes your presentation look amazing. Another strength  is your titles. Instead of using history, popularity and basics, you used different titles that fit with your slideshow. For example instead of using popularity your wrote “rose to fame” instead.However, a suggestion I have is to add transitions. So when you put it into present mode, it flows nicely and the slides flow together.

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Hey hey cam wam tam bam! A strength of your piece, Terrified Piper, you did great restating your claim sentence in the sum up without using the same words. I liked your word choice throughout your paragraph. Another strength was your choice of transition words. I felt the ones you used went well and blended into the paragraph. I certain one I liked was, “Specifically,” because I haven’t seen others use this one. Something you could improve on is your grammatical, punctuation, and spelling errors. I suggest you double check and reread because sometimes they are easy to forget about. Other then that, it was great! - Your mother, narna

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Hi furry friend! A strength in your theme paragraph, “Terrified Piper” was your sum up sentence. I like how you made it like the claim but did not use the same words, only the same idea. Another thing was I liked your transition words. You used words like “Most certainly” or “specifically.” One wish I had was that you expanded on your explanation. I feel like it was 3 sentences and it was over. If you would have expanded it more, I think the reader would understand more of your piece and what was happening. Overall, your piece was really good.

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Hi Camila!!! One star in your piece “Terrified Piper” was how you used the transition words. For example when you used “Specifically” and “Most certainly.” I liked how you used all different transition words and did not repeat any. Another star in your piece was your sum up. You made it different from the claim with different wording. It flowed really nicely and also made sense to the reader. For example you said “shows one must learn to face their fear no matter how big it is.”  One suggestion I have for you is to explain a bit more in the evidence. It would make your reader understand more of what’s happening and elevate your piece.

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Hey. One start that I had for you was I really liked your claim. I thought that you took your time and thought about what happened in the video. My second start that I had was that you explained what happened in the story and really added big detail to support your claim with it. One wish that i had for you is that i would have added more sentences to the model part green but besides that i thought yours was amazing.

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hi you have good transition words it makes your writing good. You have a. Also you don’t repeat transition words so it is good. Your evidence is good. You have evidence that relates to your theme. I would write more to your explanation so it makes the reader understand more.

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Hi cam!! I really liked your essay you explained everything really good!! I loved your word choice and your anecdotes!! Overall good job your essay was really good.-lex

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Girly pop a strength in your narrative “Overtime” is how you explained how tapping her fingers made her not so stressed or angry anymore. I also really liked how everything tied together and how you explained how her brother made fun of her and no one really liked Meg. I liked how you explained how she hated storms and how she wanted to sleep in the basement instead of the attic. I really liked that because you explained it really well! I think since you explained everything so good it made your narrative really good! However I do think you should have added a little bit more to your story because I would have loved to hear more. The only reason why I think that is because I feel like if you added more after Meg saying “why doesn’t anyone like me” it would have been really cool to find out what happened next.

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Hi, Camila, a strength in your narrative “Overtime” is how you explained how tapping her fingers made her not so angry anymore. I also really liked how everything tied together and how you explained how her brother made fun of her and no one really liked Meg. In addition I like how you explained how she hated storms and how she wanted to sleep in the basement instead of the attic. I really liked that because you explained it really well! I think since you explained everything so good it made your narrative really good! However I do think you should have added a little bit more to your story because I would have loved to hear more. The only reason why I think that is because I feel like if you added more after Meg saying “why doesn’t anyone like me” because it would have been really cool to find out what happened next! But overall I really liked your narrative!

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setting made me understand what was happening in your memoir. You did really well. What I also liked was the figurative language you used, you used a lot and you did the challenging ones which are really hard in my opinion.In addition I liked the way you detailed your memoir and we’re using challenging figurative language and how you described your feelings when you thought you were alone. I also liked when you described the sky when it changed color and how the hours went by.I suggested I’m giving you a little more detail. I felt like I was there in the end but in the beginning I didn’t know where I was and how to feel you described very well I just think you could’ve been more descriptive.

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I really liked how descriptive your piece was, you used a ton of figurative language and I felt like I was there with you! Your piece was relatable, and you drew me in from the start. I also liked how you described how the sky looked and the room around you, it helped me understand the setting. Something you could try is add more of metaphors, other then that i liked it!