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Building strong ties with teachers is key to being able to support them in improving student outcomes. Hint: Keep some chocolate handy.

A classroom teacher makes a dozen decisions a minute, keeps lists of to-dos that reach the double digits, and-as a result of all that work-rarely purposefully takes time to develop relationships with other teachers. This is why many of us who step into the role of instructional coach struggle to find that familiar productive feeling at first: We know that building relationships with teachers is essential, but we're so accustomed to crossing 17 items off our to-do lists before 8 a.m. that a chat in the teachers' lounge over a doughnut seems indulgent.

But the truth of the matter is, we can't get anywhere with teachers unless they trust us and know we're down-to-earth humans whose true goal is to support them and their students. So I have a few items to add to your list of tasks that will help you build the relationships you need to begin to impact teacher decisions and student growth.

5 Vital To-Dos for Instructional Coaches

1. Be vocal about the good you see: Teachers rarely get focused feedback on the practices they devote so much of their time to improving. Be constantly on the lookout for small moves your teachers are making that shift students, efforts that go above and beyond expectations, or relationships that are making the difference for students.

Highlight these positive moments for those teachers via face-to-face conversations, written notes, or emails-or, even better, emails on which you copy administrators. You might even make a goal for yourself to send two or three positive emails each week.

2. Keep students at the center: This one sounds obvious, but some intentionality is needed to make this happen. At a workshop I attended last spring, education expert Rick Wormeli constantly reiterated that people only change if there is a moral imperative to change.

Therefore, if we see a place where we want to encourage change in our teachers, we coaches must make it all about the students. Teachers are motivated when they know that they're impacting students in ways that matter.

What does this look like? Help teachers set specific, measurable goals. Are they looking to guide their students to persevere? Ask effective questions? After establishing the goal, follow up by asking what the goal might look like and sound like in the classroom. Constantly refer back to the goal and ask "What does that look like?" or "What does that sound like?" Use the answers to those questions in your coaching log. Be sure to keep bringing it back to the students to create a sense of urgency.

3. Eat lunch in the staff lounge: This might seem simple, but it can make a big impact on your relationships with teachers. As a coach with a flexible schedule, you may be tempted to work through lunch. You may feel guilty if you're not dealing with 28 academic needs at every minute of the day, but lunch is not a time to put your head down in your office.

Lunch in the lounge is a time when you can hear about teachers' personal lives and be seen as a regular human being with similar needs and issues in your life outside of school. It can also be a time when you talk shop if a teacher is expressing a desire to try something new or to problem-solve around an issue. You might also check in on how something you developed with a teacher is unfolding for students.

4. Keep a stock of chocolate in your office: If you're stepping into an instructional coach role, you've probably been in education for a few years and know the power chocolate has to help stressed-out teachers regain their calm. If you keep a jar stocked, teachers will see your office as a refuge-a place to reflect, problem-solve, and recharge when needed.

Trust is built over time, and conversations over chocolate are a great way to start. Advertise this free chocolate in your newsletters-I guarantee you'll get takers.

5. Ask for and respect end times: Saying that teachers are pressed for time is the understatement of the year. When you start any meeting, ask the teacher when they want to wrap up the conversation. Set the alarm on your phone for two minutes prior to the time your teacher has chosen. This allows both you and the teacher to take your minds off the clock and commit to focusing on the conversation. You may go over the allotted time on occasion-if you and the teacher both agree to do so-but the message that you respect teachers' time will not be lost.

If you work to intentionally make these moves part of your routine, you'll likely find that teachers become more open to having conversations about their practice and might even start to carve out more of their precious (and so very limited) time to meet with you. So start filling up your to-do list and feel productive about the important work you're doing.

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5 Relationship-Building Tips for Instructional Coaches

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Building strong ties with teachers is key to being able to support them in improving student outcomes. Hint: Keep some chocolate handy.

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In the realm of instructional coaching, trust is the linchpin that holds together the transformative journey a coach and teacher go on together. While having a bowl of chocolates at your desk to share with the teachers you work with may be charming (and certainly has its place), the essence of building trust has to go far beyond mere gestures.

Building trust-real trust-in an instructional coaching relationship requires embodying qualities that resonate deeply with teachers so that you can create a foundation of partnership, reliability, consistency, and confidentiality. These are the true "chocolates" that invite teachers into a space of growth and learning. As our colleague Lindsay Deacon and Angela Scotto Harkness say in their book, The EduCoach Survival Guide, "without trust, there could be no coaching."

Equally vital are the intangible elements that serve as a metaphorical bowl, cradling and supporting your trust-building endeavor. Warmth, character, and stewardship provide the vessel in which these essential qualities are held, nurturing a climate of trust that fosters genuine collaboration and development.

Let's look at all of those elements-partnership, reliability, consistency, confidentiality, warmth, character, and stewardship-as you consider your role as an instructional coach.

Partnership: Co-creating the journey

It is important that coaches and teachers approach their interactions as partnerships, not hierarchical relationships.

Involving the teachers you work with in decision-making, seeking their input, and valuing their expertise during joint planning sessions taps into a teacher's agency and helps them begin to trust you: their coach.

Partnerships also encourage active participation from teachers. As Lindsay and Angela explain, "If coaches don't really get to know the teachers in their school and learn what's important to them, the impact of coaching will be less effective." The more often coaches can tailor their approach to meet each teacher's unique needs, preferences, and goals, the more impactful the relationship will be. Showing that you understand and care about a teacher's circumstances demonstrates compassion and improves the partnership.

Reliability: A pillar of dependability

In strong partnerships, both members are responsible for reliability. Without reliability, it's difficult to build trust, in any kind of relationship. If a car is unreliable, for example, it still runs, but perhaps not always when it's needed most. The owner might find other methods of transportation when they absolutely must be somewhere at a certain time-methods that might be costly, inefficient, or exhausting. Similarly, teachers will look elsewhere for advice or support if their coach does not remain committed to the coaching relationship. While these other places might serve a teacher's short-term goals by providing quick solutions, long-term change to their teaching practice is less likely to occur.

Coaching is most impactful when teachers and coaches work together throughout a coaching cycle. This cycle begins with coaches and teachers setting expectations for themselves and for the relationship. Establishing clear guidelines for what the coaching sessions will look like, where they'll take place, and what the responsibilities of each person will be needs to occur within the first few sessions. Then, both parties need to stick to their guidelines if they want to build reliability.

Teachers want to know that the time spent in instructional coaching sessions will be valuable and won't add to their already lengthy to-do list.

The use of protocols and checklists for meetings helps ensure teachers and coaches come to meetings prepared and ready to focus on the day's tasks. When teachers can predict what coaching sessions will look and feel like, they know they can rely on the sessions to be productive and useful. Teachers want to know that the time spent in instructional coaching sessions will be valuable and won't add to their already lengthy to-do list.

Consistency: The backbone of trust

Many of the behaviors that demonstrate reliability lead to consistency. Coaches and teachers must intentionally practice reliability for consistency to occur.

Choosing to use the same meeting protocols and sticking to the agenda during coaching sessions removes confusion and inefficiency. When coaches provide resources, feedback, and further assistance, and when they then follow through in the agreed-upon timeframe repeatedly, they demonstrate their commitment to the shared goal of the coaching relationship. The consistency of engaging in coaching sessions week after week, without interruptions or cancellations, shows that both coach and teacher have prioritized coaching and the benefits it provides for teachers and their students.

Confidentiality: Building safe spaces

Perhaps the greatest quality of a successful coaching relationship is confidentiality. Teachers who enter a coaching agreement must be able to share their struggles as well as their successes. (To learn from your mistakes, you must be able to admit those mistakes in the first place, right?) It's difficult for teachers to express disappointment or frustration in their teaching practice if they're worried the information might be shared with the administration or other teachers in the building.

Instructional coaches can communicate their dedication to confidentiality by providing a safe space for coaching sessions. This might mean holding meetings in private spaces within the building, playing background music or white noise to account for thin walls, or using a "do not disturb" sign to let others know a coaching session is taking place.

As an instructional coach, you can also let the teachers you work with know that all coaching conversations will remain private and that it is up to the teacher if they want to share the successes (or struggles) of both their teaching practice and the coaching cycle with others. The coaching relationship is similar to that of doctors and their patients, or attorneys and their clients: confidentiality must always be at the forefront.

Warmth, character, and stewardship: The crucible of trust

While partnership, reliability, consistency, and confidentiality serve as the inviting "chocolates" of instructional coaching, it is your warmth, character, and stewardship that hold it all together. "Right now, teachers need people who care about them more than ever," Lindsay and Angela explain in their book.

Instructional coaches with warmth create a welcoming environment where teachers feel valued and respected. A coach's character speaks to the integrity and authenticity that underpins every interaction they have with others. Stewardship embodies your dedication to a teacher's success and acts as a guiding force throughout your journey.

Chocolate is just the start

Beyond the allure of a bowl of chocolates lies the true heart of instructional coaching: the art of building trust. Through the consistent application of partnership, reliability, consistency, confidentiality, warmth, character, and stewardship, you can pave the way for transformative growth in the teachers you work with. It's in these intentional actions and genuine connections that trust takes root, creating a fertile ground for teachers to flourish in their professional endeavors.

Instructional coaches can-and should-commit to going beyond the surface, cultivating trust that stands the test of time.
Jenna Talos and Trina Barton, instructional coaches and professional learning consultants with NWEA, contributed to this post.
To learn more about instructional coaching, check out Lindsay and Angela's Educoach Survival Guide and instructional coaching services available through NWEA.

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Beyond the bowl of chocolates: How to build trust in instructional coaching relationships - Teach. Learn. Grow.

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Trust is the linchpin that holds instructional coaching relationships together. Sharing a chocolate with a teacher is only the beginning.

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6 Strategies for Building Successful Coaching Relationships with ALL Teachers

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How Good Coaches Build Alliance with Teachers.pdf

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How to Deal with Resistance as a Coach | Instructional Coach Strategies

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While most coaches I meet are confident in their skills because of their own past successes in the classroom, there's a pretty ubiquitous fear that they will encounter teachers who just don't buy into the coaching process. Many coaches have expertise in supporting kids in the classroom, but could benefit from additional strategies to support adults and colleagues.

After hearing this concern from coaches I work with, I added a focus on addressing teacher "resistance" in all my coach training. Here, I'll share what I've found to be most helpful in addressing this concern from coaches.

How We Think about "Resistance" Matters

My coaching mantra usually leans toward, "Help people change practices before beliefs." But coaches who don't unpack what they believe about "resistance" will continue to struggle to get teachers to engage in coaching. How we think about "resistance" is crucial.

Elena Aguilar hits the nail on the head in about teacher resistance: "Don't see it as resistance. It's not resistance. See resistance for what it really is: fear, sometimes confusion, sometimes sadness, sometimes anger." It's challenging for coaches to see resistance for what it really is because we often don't know the whole context of a teacher's development or understand a teacher's previous experience with coaching. Coaching can carry a negative connotation if a district uses it largely when a teacher is struggling or being pushed out, for example.

Pause for a moment and try to stop seeing resistance as resistance. As Aguilar says, "You can shift [resistance] by seeing it differently, by asking someone, 'What's coming up for you right now? What's going on?'" Put yourself in a teacher's shoes: What might be behind a teacher's resistance to coaching?

Some of the main patterns underlying teachers' pushback to coaching include:

While resistance is typically some combination of these reasons, we as coaches may hold some share of the responsibility for disengagement. You can check yourself by considering:

Am I talking too much in our interactions?

Are my meetings with teachers focused and purposeful?

Does the teacher leave our meetings knowing exactly how to improve their teaching?

Is my coaching grounded in specific data, especially related to student outcomes?

Are our interactions joyful and engaging?

Strategies for Supporting "Resistant" Teachers

After you examine your mindset about resistance, I recommend trying the following six strategies for creating teacher buy-in. There is no quick fix for a challenging partnership. However, these strategies can help over time, especially when combined, because they get to the root of the "resistance," build trust, and work toward actionable, classroom-level growth. I've seen teachers who are at first pessimistic, even antagonistic, about coaching end up thanking their coaches for an incredible experience and making real changes in their teaching and student outcomes because their coach stayed engaged and used these strategies.

With curiosity and humility, coaches can use these six strategies to effectively support the growth of teachers who might have otherwise preferred to "sit this one out." Dig under the surface and understand "resistance for what it really is," as Aguilar argues, but also have the courage to ask the hard questions of yourself so that you might also grow in this coaching partnership. As a coach, it is an incredibly rewarding experience to conclude a successful partnership with a teacher who was initially "resistant."

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Rethinking what "resistance" really means can help instructional coaches fuel teacher engagement.

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One question I am frequently asked is what should I do about resistant teachers? The answer, as most answers usually are, is more complex that one might think. In this video, I discuss that resistance involves a relationship, and to decrease resistance we need to first understand how what we bring to the relationship might create a misalignment with our learning partners. Then I introduce two simple questions that can help us identify the source of the resistance we experience with others.

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Understanding Teacher Resistance " Instructional Coaching Group

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One question I am frequently asked is what should I do about resistant teachers? The answer, as most answers usually are, is more complex that one might think. In this video, I discuss that resistance involves a relationship, and to decrease resistance we need to first understand how what we bring to the relationship might [...]

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My newest book, Arise: The Art of Transformational Coaching (July 2024), has two chapters dedicated to coaching for equity. And another three on coaching emotions. And even more on preparing ourselves to coach. And of course, a lot of concrete strategies. It has so much because in many ways, this is complex. And it’s also simple: when we tend to ourselves, we can tend to others.

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In my newest book, Arise: The Art of Transformational Coaching (July 2024), there’s a short section about trust—what it is and how we build it—and this got me thinking about how, at the end of the school year, we often reflect on how our relationships developed. We might think back to what it felt like to start coaching a certain teacher or managing a certain staff member, and how we initially misjudged them, and now we really love them, and how initially they were standoffish, and now they’re open and vulnerable. This is a reflection on the development of trust.

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What are Resistant Teachers Hiding? | Bright Morning

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The more you understand resistance, the easier it’ll be to respond to it. But many coaches struggle with teachers they perceive as resistant because they don’t understand resistance. In addition, resistance is hard because it activates strong and often unpleasant emotions within us. The more we know ourselves, and understand our thoughts and emotions, the better we’ll be at coaching resistance. Whenever you’re uncertain, uncomfortable, in doubt, troubled, confused, or encountering resistance—start with yourself. Seek to better know yourself.

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Strategies for Responding: When Coaches Hear Resistance | Barkley

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In this short video, you’ll hear about two strategies for responding that I have consciously practiced throughout my career.

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Navigating Challenging Communication as an Instructional Coach

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Coaching requires clear, honest, and respectful communication in order to catalyze change in the classroom.

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What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It)

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Although most people believe that they are self-aware, true self-awareness is a rare quality. In this piece, the author describes a recent large-scale investigation that shed light on some of the biggest roadblocks, myths, and truths about what self-awareness really is — and what it takes to cultiva…

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10 Steps To Building Trust Infographic (1).pdf

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Manage Negative Emotions in a Coaching Conversation

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Manage Negative Emotions in a Coaching Conversation

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As a coach, you probably know the importance of creating a safe and supportive space for your clients. However, even with the best intentions, negative emotions can arise during coaching sessions.

Whether it's frustration, anger, fear, or sadness, it's crucial to know how to manage these emotions in a constructive way.

In this blog post, I will explore some effective techniques and strategies for managing negative emotions in coaching sessions.

Acknowledge the emotion and validate your clients' feelings

One of the first things you can do when faced with a negative emotion in a coaching session is to acknowledge its presence. By doing so, you help your clients recognize and validate their feelings.

For example, if a client expresses frustration with a lack of progress, acknowledge their frustration and let them know that it's a normal part of the coaching process.

By acknowledging and validating your clients' emotions, you help create a safe and supportive environment where they can explore difficult emotions without judgment.

Practice active listening and ask open-ended questions

Active listening means paying attention to what your clients are saying and showing curiosity about their experiences. This can be especially helpful when clients express negative emotions.

Instead of trying to solve their problems, ask open-ended questions that encourage exploration and reflection.

By doing so, you can help your clients gain a deeper understanding of their emotions and develop insights into the root causes of their emotional reactions.

Encourage self-compassion and self-care

Negative emotions can take a toll on our mental and physical well-being. As a coach, you can help your clients practice self-compassion and self-care to cope with their emotions.

Encourage them to take breaks when needed, engage in activities they enjoy, or seek support from friends and family.

By promoting self-compassion and self-care, you help your clients develop healthy coping mechanisms that can improve their overall well-being.

Use visualization techniques to shift negative emotions

Visualization techniques can be a powerful tool for shifting negative emotions. Encourage your clients to visualize themselves in a positive and empowering way.

For example, envisioning a successful outcome or a positive experience can help shift negative emotions towards a more positive outlook.

Visualization techniques can be especially helpful for clients who struggle with anxiety or fear.

End the session on a positive note

Finally, it's essential to end the session on a positive note, even if your clients expressed negative emotions during the session.

Encourage them to identify positive insights or progress they made during the session.

By ending the session on a positive note, you help your clients leave feeling empowered and motivated to continue their journey.

As a coach, it's essential to know how to manage negative emotions in a constructive and supportive way.

When negative emotions arise, remember that they are a natural part of the coaching process; using the right tools and techniques, you can help your clients turn them into opportunities for growth and transformation.

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The Art of Managing Negative Emotions in Coaching Sessions

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As a coach, you probably know the importance of creating a safe and supportive space for your clients. However, even with the best intentions, negative emotions can arise during coaching sessions.