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I struggled for over 10 years with alcohol. I drank everyday and I drank to get drunk. I tried to control it because drinking isn't a sin right? So I would go a couple days without drinking, couple of weeks but the furthest I got was 3 months without alcohol. Eventually it got to the point where I lost a few jobs. My girlfriend wanted to take the kids and leave me. I refused to go to AA meetings or rehab. I never went and I'm not bragging in saying that I didn't need it. Perhaps I would've defeated it sooner had I gone to either one. I just want to give ALL the glory to God. It wasn't until I fully surrendered and asked our Father in heaven to rid me of my desire to drink, that I conquered alcohol. I'm 17 months sober. Not a drop of alcohol has touched my lips since January 1st, 2025. I still have those thoughts. Maybe just one. But one drink is too many and 1000 is never enough. I'm an alcoholic. But Christ claimed me and redeemed me. I now thirst for the living water. I thank God everyday for my deliverance. He has blessed me abundantly in my sobriety. Praise and glory be to our Father in heaven!

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From Darkness to Deliverance: A Journey Back to the Light

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From Darkness to Deliverance: A Journey Back to the Light

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My walk with faith began in 2010 when I was first baptized into the Christian church.

However, looking back, I realize I still had one foot firmly planted in the world. I held onto things I wasn’t ready to surrender—lust, pornography, and a wandering heart. Instead of seeking God to overcome these battles, I began to distance myself. My prayers lost their sincerity, and I began to project blame onto others, and eventually, onto God Himself.

In 2017, my wife and I were overjoyed to learn we were expecting. We were ready to welcome a new life into our home, but God had different plans. We lost our baby after only two months. The devastation broke me. I was so lost in my grief and anger that I couldn’t even bring myself to stay in the hospital room during my wife’s surgery, even though I worked at that very same hospital.

This created a rift in my marriage and my family. My daughter, whom I have raised since she was four, was also caught in the middle of my growing emotional distance. I chose to run away rather than heal, taking overseas orders for two consecutive years and eventually moving to Fallon, Nevada, for my final duty station before retirement.

Far from home and angry with God, I began seeking "solitude" in dangerous places. I ventured into a "new world" lifestyle, diving deep into Hinduism and eventually, witchcraft. I sought attention from other women and filled my home with statues of false deities, Wiccan amulets, and spell ingredients. I traded my cross for Wiccan jewelry and, though I never said it aloud, I was living as a warlock.

I was practicing Reiki and casting spells to numb my depression and anxiety. I even reached a point where I was ready to leave my entire life behind for someone who shared these dark practices. I was living a double life until January 2024, when the truth finally came to light. Even then, I tried to blame my wife and the distance between us for my own choices.

The weight of these secrets, combined with years of holding onto a grudge against my daughter and the trauma of the past, brought me to a fateful collision. I reached a point where I was ready to end my life. I had never been more sure of anything; I was prepared to leave a letter and disappear forever.

But Jesus Christ stepped in.

He opened my eyes to the truth: the darkness I was chasing wasn't what I needed. I needed Him. Even when I had turned my back, denounced His name, and felt a literal physical revulsion toward His church, He never stopped seeking me. He began removing the demonic influences from my life, molding me like clay in the hands of the Potter.

Once I surrendered, the change was absolute. I cleared my home of every witchcraft item, replacing spell books with the Bible and false idols with Scripture. I replaced dark lyrical content with music that honors His name.

When my daughter fell ill, I didn't run. I turned to the church. The community I had distanced myself from welcomed us back with open arms. Through Bible studies and the support of brothers and sisters in Christ, my eyes were opened to the true significance of my faith. I also had the profound honor of being the first person baptized at our new church location.

A year later, life still has its struggles. The difference is that I no longer run away. Whether I am at home or driving, I talk to Jesus daily. I stay grounded in the Word and share my devotionals that I write daily on social media to minister to others.

I know that I am still broken, and I am certainly a work in progress—but I find peace knowing that God is not finished with me yet.

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(Continuation… see Part 1 first)…

He taught me, Peter (John 21:15-19), after he was reinstated by Jesus, was told he would die a horrible death on a cross, and right after this Jesus said, “Follow Me!” and Peter did - our God is worthy of following… even into dark places. “Not many things grow well in the dark, but faith grows well in the dark.”

I learned through Revelation that our God is the ‘Almighty’ (Rev 1:8) - “the One who has His hand on everything” (even Olive’s - my little niece’s - death). He is sovereign over it ALL, and we can fully trust Him, esp with the hard things.

He taught me throughout Revelation that this life is temporary… barely a pin dot in the timeline of eternity - so anything that comes in this life, as long as I have Him, is not worth comparing to what will come (Romans 8:18). Even through all the hard stuff we still have a calling… let’s point others to Him, no matter our circumstances. We can choose to ruminate on our circumstances or ruminate on Him. Eyes on God and not my circumstances - He can fully be trusted. Eyes up!

I learned through a study of the Old Testament this year, to fully surrender - all of it. Daniel was called to surrender his life, his dreams, his hopes. Esther was called to surrender her fears. Nehemiah was called to surrender his personal desires. All were called to surrender their comfort. There is always something else we are grasping that we can surrender to God. Since 2020, I’ve had to surrender my old way of life, my comfort, my dreams/desires, my fears, my future, even my perceptions… I realized that’s why we are called to take up our cross daily (Luke 9:23)… we have to continually be surrendering our lives to God. Bc of our flesh we will always have another thing to surrender - full surrender like Ezekiel (in Ez 1:28b) or John (in Rev 1:17a) is the goal - falling face down before God… laying it ALL at His feet.

He taught me a ton of other things… but this post is now turning into a book haha

I’m okay with the fact that a flip switched in 2020 for me, and I’m okay if it never switches back (in ways it never will, because I know this place is no longer my home - I imaging the disciples felt very much the same)… Before 2020 I was comfortable in this world. One of my feet was firmly rooted in this world. But, because of the valleys that started in 2020, God has pulled me ever closer to Him - dug my foot out of this world and rooted it firmly in Him. I still have a ton of refining in my future… that will never cease as long as I’m here… but… Now I know this is not my home (1 Peter 1:17). I know now, by His grace, the great commission rings truer for me than it ever has before… bc this life is short and temporary - our home is eternal. I used to be afraid of Revelation and eternity and the other side… lol now I can’t wait to get there! “Come, Jesus, come!!” (Rev 22:20) I know now, I don’t need comfort or dreams of the future to come into fruition or an easy life or a steady income or stability or a physical home… if all I have is Jesus, He is enough. I know God is fully sovereign, and He knows and that’s enough for me (I don’t have to know the ‘why’, the ‘when’, the ‘how’…). I am blessed in this life beyond measure… but if life changes even more, and if I’m only left with the blessings of the attributes of God that we are promised in the Bible - a Living Hope (1 Peter 1:3), Peace (Philippians 4:4-7), Light (Psalm 18:28), Joy = contentment in whatever life brings (James 1:2-4) - then I am full - overflowing. He is enough.

Praise God He never stops reaching for us… reach back, it’s 100% worth it… even if the valleys keep coming. To God be all the glory. (Heb 13:20-21).

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For the most part I grew up in a Christian home. Was saved when I was 5 years old. Said the prayer again when I was a teenager - understanding this time what the dedication meant a bit more. Life happened, and I fell away from my faith a bit. Del and I got married at 22/23 years old and started this Army life together. We were both Christians, but honestly both still had one foot rooted in the world. I grew a little in my faith each place we were stationed - AK & MO we had great small groups; LA Del and I spent most of the time apart (deployments, training, command time), but God placed me in an amazing women’s group and faith grew throughout that time too. God always was pulling me toward Him and always had a lifeline set up to Him each place we were stationed. WI we had a wonderful church and good christian friends. And WI is where I feel like life changed… before WI, life was comfortable. Life was good and if I’m being honest I liked it here (on earth) lol. There were always bad things that happened… but I felt like life was good for the most part with a sprinkling of some bad. But, in 2020 a flip switched - life now seemed mostly bad with a sprinkling of good. I felt like my eyes were fully opened. I started feeling like an alien here. God was digging out my one foot that was rooted in this world and rooting both feet in Him. Each one of these things that happened next is its own story (and these are just the big ones that stand out)… but here’s a ‘quick’ summary and how God used all these bad things and never ending valleys to pull me ever closer to Him.

SEPT 2020 Del’s dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer… bc of COVID Del wasn’t allowed to travel to see his dad until FEB 2021. By AUG of 2021 Del’s dad had passed. This was heavy and hard… cancer is in its own category (those who know, know). There was pain and suffering and heartbreak and death.

SEPT 2020 was also when Del and I felt called not to get the COVID vaccine (I know this is super controversial even still, so if it’s not allowed, you can delete this post, but it is a big part of my testimony). Because of this decision, life became extremely unstable, controversial and discriminatory real fast. God had prepared us for this time (through past circumstances)… and God held us in His hand through this time as well. Being in the military and not taking the vaccine meant you were an outcast, it meant you were alone, it meant you were teetering on losing everything - your job, your home, your income, your way of life. Del and I lived this uncertainty for about 2 years. And during that time, bc we had no one (stood out, were completely different, abandoned by friends and family), God was truly our rock. We had to lean heavily into Him, and thank God we did. I needed God as I’ve never needed Him before, so I started really reading my Bible - all the way through chronologically for the first time - really just trying to grasp some type of hope. God showed me His character, that He could be trusted, that He was never changing, always sovereign, that I need not fear. I realized we weren’t alone - if everything gets taken away and we only have God, He is enough. I also joined a Bible Study called BSF… God was profoundly growing my faith in the darkness. I learned I had to fully put my trust in Him. He brought us through, and the mandate was lifted in DEC 2022 after 2 years of complete instability - Del’s job was finally safe again. But, things weren’t over, the bad kept coming, I was still in the valley… 2023 was the year of infertility. This was the year we came to terms that kids may not be in our future. Obviously nothing is impossible for God… but for now this door is closed. We had to mourn this part of our lives, and cling to Him… knowing His ways are ALWAYS better (Isaiah 55:8-9). Even through this, God remained ever faithful. 2024 - 2026 were the years of (more) suffering and death. FEB 2024 - FEB 2025, 5 ppl close to me died, one after another (including my little niece, Olive, you all were praying for). During this year, I had to completely cling to God as one death after another just kept coming - we really didn’t have time to mourn b4 another death came. Fasting, praying continually and reading the Word now were pillars in my life. 2025 - JAN 2026 the suffering continued… both cancer (again)… followed by 2 more deaths in my family. In a span of 2 years, I lost 7 ppl. 2026 so far, has not been a ton easier.

I’m not sure if I’ll get out of the valley anytime soon. But, I can truly say now, after going through all this, if the valley is where God keeps me, I’m truly content here… bc I have God and all that God is - light, life, joy (contentment), peace that surpasses all understanding, hope, His love, His sovereignty over all aspects of my life. My life, even with all this bad, is better than it was before. My faith has grown exponentially since the valley started in 2020 - something I am now eternally grateful for. God has taught me so many things in these valleys…

He taught me that in Isaiah‬ ‭43‬:‭2‬ ‭the verse doesn’t say “if” it says “when”... we’re not promised we’ll never go through anything hard, we’re actually promised the opposite... but, we are also promised God is with us in the “when”.

I learned that Jeremiah was in the pit “the when” his whole life… and yet his calling to live for God never changed - he faithfully persevered and finished well… he had a ‘Heroic Faith’. And God never abandoned him - God promised to protect Jeremiah (Jer 1:8 & 17-19), and He did. Protection doesn’t always mean we’ll have an easy life, but it does mean God is always with us in it.

He taught me that when Christ died on the cross - took on the sin of the world - He went into the center of darkness alone (“my God, my God, why have you forsaken me”), so I would never have to be alone in the dark. Praise God!

In John 19:31-42, I learned "God is at work even when we cannot see it - even in Jesus's death when everything looked dark and bleak, God was working." "God works through all circumstances to accomplish His plan." "In John 19 - Even though it looked as if darkness was winning... darkness was NOT winning... there was darkness, but in that darkness, God was preparing for a resurrection." "God is ALWAYS at work even in the darkness. Even when it looks like everything is falling apart... God's plan is falling into place. Trust Him in your darkness."

(Go to Part 2 for the rest… I guess I wrote too much haha)….

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Finding Solace in the Shadows: A Testimony of Struggle and Grace

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Finding Solace in the Shadows: A Testimony of Struggle and Grace

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For many years, my life was defined by a desperate search for escape. Growing up in a household that felt suffocatingly strict, I carried a deep-seated need to rebel—a fire that began to smolder in my teens and roared to life as a young adult.

My introduction to alcohol wasn't a social choice; it was an act of defiance. While working my second job in a grocery store dairy department, I gave into peer pressure. I began stealing beer from the back and drinking on the clock. I was young, naive, and completely unequipped for the world.

When I experienced my first real heartbreak, I didn't know how to process the pain. Instead, I used it as fuel. I drank until the hurt was numb, habitually driving home intoxicated—a dangerous pattern that, by the grace of God, did not end in tragedy for myself or others during those early years.

This cycle followed me into the start of my Naval career. Seeking a sense of belonging, I gravitated toward a crowd centered on:

• Partying and drinking

• Pursuing women

• Reckless living

I found a temporary "solace" with this group, yet the moment the music stopped, the emptiness and loneliness were louder than ever. I would go to nightclubs alone, using alcohol as liquid courage just to speak to women. My life became a blur of:

• Excess: Taking advantage of open bars at command gatherings.

• Degradation: Waking up in random rooms or bathtubs, often with vomit on my clothes.

• Risk: Driving onto the base while intoxicated and wasting every weekend in the fog of a hangover.

I lived in this destructive loop for a long time, convinced that I was finding freedom when I was actually becoming a slave to my impulses. Eventually, the drinking pattern shifted when I got married, but the underlying void remained unfilled.

"I was still so empty and lonely inside."

As the grip of alcohol seemed to loosen, the vacuum in my heart was quickly occupied by the sins of lust and adultery. I moved from one form of bondage to another, still searching for a way to heal a heart that I hadn't yet surrendered.

At 44 years old, looking back on my journey with Jesus Christ, I now see that the Lord allowed these things to happen to me to shape me, mold me, and eventually bring me back home to Him. I realized that it is never too late. He is always waiting, He is always loving, He is all so merciful, and He is always calling. I thank Jesus Christ everyday for saving a broken soul like me, I am so blessed and strive to live for Him always. God bless you all.

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For over twenty years, I was a lost soul wandering this earth. Though my journey began in a strict religious household, I learned the hard way that there is a profound difference between following a set of rules and having a relationship with the Living God.

Growing up, my life was defined by the Catholic faith—I was baptized as an infant and completed every sacrament through Confirmation. However, my home was governed by a rigid morality that left little room for grace or personal growth. My focus was strictly on education; friendships and relationships were virtually nonexistent.

By high school, I was a shell of a person. I was too scared to talk to girls or bring friends home. I missed out on the milestones of youth—proms, dances, and deep connections—because I was paralyzed by fear. By the time I was "allowed" to pursue those things, the emotional scars were too deep. I felt behind, broken, and desperate for an escape.

In August 2001, just months after graduating high school, I joined the U.S. Navy. To my parents, it was a shock; to me, it was survival. While I appeared happy on the outside, I was dying within. I was trapped in a cycle of underage drinking and depression, often driving home drunk or showing up to school hungover.

I married my wife in 2006, and for a while, life felt amazing. But the cracks in my foundation began to show during my first deployment in 2011. I allowed lust and adultery to take root in my heart. Seeking what I thought I was "missing" at home, I began flirting with and messaging other women. I became a master of deceit, making empty promises to my wife only to fall back into the same patterns every time I deployed. I even contemplated leaving my family for a "better" life that didn't exist.

By 2022, my rebellion reached a breaking point. I turned my back on Jesus Christ and everything I knew to be true. I began practicing witchcraft—surrounding myself with crystals, spell books, and candles, and worshipping false gods in a desperate attempt to fill the void in my soul.

The darkness was palpable. When my parents visited me in Nevada, they later told me they felt an overwhelming sense of unease in my home, though they didn't say it until after my transformation. I was empty, lost, and drifting further into the abyss.

Around June 2025, I reached the end of myself. I didn't want to live anymore. The distance between me and my wife and daughter felt like an unbridgeable canyon. I hated the man I saw in the mirror.

That night, as I lay in bed crying uncontrollably, contemplating how to end my life, my music player was on shuffle. Amidst a playlist of songs that were dark and contrary to God, a specific melody began to play: "Holy Forever" by Chris Tomlin.

As those lyrics washed over me, something broke. I cried until I fell asleep, the truth of the song hitting my heart in a way I couldn't explain. I woke up the next morning with a sense of peace I had never known. In the silence of that morning, I decided to surrender. I gave my life to Jesus Christ.

It has been about a year since that morning. The transition hasn't always been easy, and there are still struggles to face, but the darkness has been lifted. I am no longer a slave to my past mistakes, my addictions, or the occult.

Today, I am determined to live each day with purpose. I am working to love my family and serve others just as Jesus Christ loved and served us. I was once lost, but now I am found; I was once dead in my sins, but through His grace, I am finally alive.

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There was a season where I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it. Where financially I was depleted. My spirit was depleted. And God came through for me in a big way. Someone came and handed me the exact amount I needed to not only cover the bills but also enough to put some in savings. Then another person came by and brought my family gifts and dinner. God reminded me that even in the minutia of life he is with me.