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If you have big feelings, try taking some deep breaths

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Use this resource to practice your conflict resolution skills.

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Use this resource to practice your conflict resolution skills.

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Steps you can use to resolve a conflict.

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Steps you can use to resolve a conflict.

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Not sure who won that soccer game at recess? Unsure of if your classmate actually got tagged? Rock, Paper, Scissors is an excellent way to quickly settle disagreements during recess or PE!

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These are free resources from the Friendzy program, which is what my school has purchased to facilitate SEL in our community. These resources help students become more aware of their own emotional states and give them a common language to explain anxieties and to navigate interpersonal conflicts.

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Week 6: Coloring Page & Conversation Activity
This activity is designed to create space for intentional conversation around how we can uplift and encourage one another as a reminder that we are in this together.
Download this conversation and coloring activity today! Family Conversation Cards
Bring social- emotional learning home with these conversation cardsdesigned to help students and caring adults practice social-emotional skills together.
Be Kind All The Time Bingo Game
Practice kindness with students using this engaging Bingo game designed for remote and in-person learning environments!
Better Together Discussion Questions
Engaging students in meaningful conversations with their peers helps build vital social-emotional skills needed for healthy relationships, such as listening to others, perspective-taking, and responding with empathy. Friendship matters. Let's talk about why!

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Week 6: Coloring Page & Conversation Activity This activity is designed to create space for intentional conversation around how we can uplift and encourage one another as a reminder that we are in this together. Download this conversation and coloring activity today!

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When I was in middle school, I was trained to be a peer mediator. This was a bit of a radical approach in the 1990's, but now it is more standard. I never forgot how that program trained me to be an active listener and to be thoughtful of a plan for further action. When I mediate conflicts between students in my classroom, I still rely on these techniques. I think more of our students should be peer mediators in their own classrooms to increase leadership and cooperation skills, as much as conflict resolution skills.

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Discipline problems plague classrooms and schools. Students bicker, threaten, tease, and harass one another. Conflicts involving racial and cultural differences are increasing. Truancy is epidemic. Violence is escalating. Generally, conflicts among students and between students and staff occur with frequency and consume considerable teacher and administrator time.

Discipline procedures-expulsion, time-out rooms, suspensions, scolding-may be classified on a continuum. They range from those based on external rewards and punishments to those based on teaching students how to cope with stress and adversity. At one end of the continuum the focus is on the faculty and staff controlling and managing student behavior. At the other end, the focus is on students regulating their own and their peers' actions.

Traditional discipline programs require an adult to monitor student behavior, determine whether it is or is not within the bounds of acceptability, and force students to terminate inappropriate actions. When the infractions are minor, teachers often arbitrate ("The pencil belongs to Mary. Jane, be quiet and sit down.") or cajole students to end hostilities ("Let's forgive and forget. Shake hands and be friends."). If such strategies don't work, students may be sent to the principal's office for a stern but cursory lecture about the value of getting along; a threat that, if the conflict continues, more drastic action will ensue; and a final admonition to "go and fight no more." If that does not work, time-out rooms might be tried. Eventually, some students are expelled from school.

Such programs teach students that adults or authority figures are needed to resolve conflicts. The programs cost instructional and administrative time and work only as long as students are under surveillance. This approach does not empower students. While adults may become more skillful in controlling students, students do not learn the procedures, skills, and attitudes required to resolve conflicts constructively in their personal lives at home, in school, at work, and in the community.

At the other end of the continuum are programs aimed at teaching students self-responsibility and self-regulation. Self-regulation is the ability to act in socially approved ways in the absence of external monitors. It is the ability to initiate and cease activities according to situational demands. Self-regulation is a central and significant hallmark of cognitive and social development. To regulate their behavior, students must monitor their own behavior, assess situations, make judgments as to which behaviors are appropriate, and master the procedures and skills required to engage in desired behavior. In interaction with other people, students have to monitor, modify, refine, and change how they behave in order to act appropriately and competently.

If students are to learn how to regulate their behavior, they must have opportunities to (1) make decisions regarding how to behave and (2) follow through on the decisions made. Allowing students to be joint architects in matters affecting them promotes feelings of control and autonomy. Students who know how to manage their conflicts constructively and regulate their own behavior have a developmental advantage over those who do not. Ideally, students will be given the responsibility for regulating their own and their classmates' behavior so that teachers can concentrate on instruction rather than control.

Empowering Students To Be Peacemakers

In order to decide which type of discipline program will work best, it helps to know what types of discipline problems are occurring. Typically, most discipline problems involve either conflicts among students, conflicts between students and teachers, or conflicts between students and standards of acceptable conduct. By training students to manage conflicts constructively, a discipline program can empower students to solve their own problems and regulate their own and their classmates' behavior. Although such programs have been suggested for years (Johnson 1970), only recently have students been trained to be peacemakers.

For the past two years we have implemented a peer mediation program at Highlands Elementary School in Edina School District, Edina, Minnesota. In 30 minutes of training per day for 30 days, students are taught to be peacemakers in three steps. The curriculum Teaching Students to be Peacemakers (Johnson and Johnson 1991) provides role-plays and opportunities to practice the procedures and skills involved in negotiating and mediating until students can negotiate and mediate routinely.

Step 1: Negotiation

The first step in the Peacemaker Program is to teach all students to negotiate constructive resolutions to their conflicts. The negotiation procedure and skills need to be over-learned so that they are available for use when emotions run high and feelings of fear and anger are intense.

1. State what you want: "I want to use the book now."

2. State how you feel: "I'm frustrated."

3. State the reasons for your wants and feelings: "You have been using the book for the past hour. If I don't get to use the book soon, my report will not be done on time. It's frustrating to have to wait so long."

4. Summarize your understanding of what the other person wants, how the other person feels, and the reasons underlying both.

5. Invent three optional plans to resolve the conflict.

6. Choose one plan and shake hands.

Students need to learn the negotiation procedure and become skillful in its use in relatively easy situations before they can be expected to use it to resolve real conflicts. Mediation is easier, and more effective, when students have previously been trained in the negotiation procedure.

The second step is to teach all students how to mediate constructive resolutions of their classmates' conflicts. Mediation is the utilization of the services of another person to help settle a dispute. The purpose of mediation is to help classmates negotiate a constructive resolution to their conflicts. Mediation is usually contrasted with arbitration. Arbitration is the submission of a dispute to a disinterested third party (such as a teacher or principal), who makes a final and binding judgment as to how the conflict will be resolved.

Following is the mediation procedure the students are taught (Johnson and Johnson 1987, 1991).

Introduction: When mediating a conflict, the class mediator first introduces him- or herself. The mediator asks students if they want to solve the problem and does not proceed until both answer "yes."

1. "Mediation is voluntary. My role is to help you find a solution to your conflict that is acceptable to both of you."

2. "I am neutral. I will not take sides or attempt to decide who is right or wrong. I will help you decide how to solve the conflict."

3. "Each person will have the chance to state his or her view of the conflict without interruption."

1. Do not resort to name calling.

2. If you agree to a solution, you must do what you have agreed to do.

3. Anything said in mediation is confidential.

Step 3: The Peacemaker Program

After students are introduced to negotiation and mediation skills, the teacher selects two class members to serve as official mediators each day. Any conflicts students cannot resolve themselves are referred to the class mediators. The mediators wear official T-shirts, patrol the playground and lunchroom, and are available to mediate all conflicts. The role of class mediator is rotated throughout the class so that each student serves as a class mediator an equal amount of time. Mediating classmates' conflicts is perhaps the most dramatic way of teaching students the need for the skillful use of each step of the negotiation procedure. Refresher lessons are taught once or twice a week.

The processes of negotiation and mediation allow students to practice joint decision making within a structure that emphasizes a solution/settlement that is acceptable to all parties involved and is, therefore, fair. Students are given the power to decide the outcome (within the constraints of the school policy and the law). Negotiation and mediation are self-empowering. They enable students to make decisions about issues and conflicts that affect their own lives rather than having a decision imposed on them by teachers and administrators.

Results at Highlands Elementary

At Highlands Elementary School we initially gathered data on the need for a Peacemaker Program. We found that even in a suburban, middle-class school such as Highlands, most students were involved in conflicts daily. The conflicts reported (in terms of frequency) were put-downs and teasing, playground conflicts, access or possession conflicts, physical aggression and fights, academic work conflicts, and turn-taking problems. Before training, students often referred the majority of their conflicts to the teacher. One of the teachers stated in her log, "Before training, students viewed conflict as fights that always resulted in a winner and a loser. To avoid such an unpleasant situation, they usually placed the responsibility for resolving conflicts on me, the teacher."

reduces the number of student-student conflicts referred to teachers and the principal,

results in students mastering the negotiation and mediation procedures and skills taught, and

results in students using these procedures and skills in settings other than the classroom.

If students did not bring the conflict to the teacher, they typically used destructive strategies (such as repeating their request and trying to force the other person to give in) that would escalate the conflict. Negotiating an agreement that both students liked was never an option. Students had no idea how to do so. From these findings, we concluded that students were not being taught negotiation procedures and skills in the home or community at large and, therefore, that all students needed to be trained in how to manage conflicts constructively.

After students received the negotiation and mediation training, the student-student conflicts that did occur were by and large managed by the students themselves without the involvement of adults. The frequency of student-student conflicts teachers had to manage dropped 80 percent. The number of conflicts referred to the principal was reduced to zero. Such a dramatic reduction of referrals of conflicts to adults changed the school discipline program from one that arbitrated conflicts to one that maintained and supported the peer-mediation process.

To determine how well students learned to negotiate and mediate, students were videotaped negotiating resolutions to two conflicts immediately after the training and six months later. They were also given a questionnaire in which they were to write out how they would mediate two conflicts described. Their responses clearly demonstrated that students knew and were able to apply the negotiation and mediation procedures. There is no doubt that the training was effective. That does not mean it was perfect. Students were disinclined to express their feelings and sometimes did not think to reverse perspectives.

Many of the students reported using the negotiation and mediation skills at home with their siblings. A number of parents volunteered to teachers that students used the negotiation and mediation procedures and skills with their brothers and sisters, neighborhood friends, grandparents, and pets. Perhaps the most interesting evidence that the conflict training program worked was that many parents whose children were not part of the project requested that their children receive the training next year. A number of parents even requested training for themselves.

To ensure that the negotiation and mediation procedures and skills will transfer from the training situation to actual conflict situations in and out of school, teachers should follow several guidelines. Students need to learn not only what the procedure is but also how to actually use it. Overlearning is necessary. If students have to stop and think what they should do, often it is too late to manage the conflicts constructively. Booster sessions are needed throughout the year to help students maintain the use of the procedures. Finally, all students must receive the negotiation and mediation training and all students must serve as mediators, not just a select few.

Benefits of Peacemaking

Students do have procedures for managing conflicts, but often the procedures are not constructive and not shared among all classmates. When students are from different cultural, ethnic, social, and language backgrounds, the multiple procedures for managing conflicts within classrooms can create some chaos. Life in schools gets easier when all students (and staff members) use the same set of procedures in managing conflicts.

Currently, few schools systematically teach students the procedures and skills required for constructive conflict resolution. Without direct training in how to manage conflicts constructively, many students may never become able to do so. Classrooms need to become places where destructive conflicts are prevented and where constructive conflicts are structured, encouraged, and utilized to improve the quality of instruction and classroom life.

Conflict in the classroom in and of itself is not bad, but conflict avoided or unresolved is. When a conflict occurs, the students involved first try to negotiate a resolution. If that fails, a classmate mediates their conflict. If that fails, the teacher attempts to mediate the conflict. If that fails, the teacher arbitrates by deciding who is right and who is wrong. If that fails, the principal mediates the conflict. If that fails, the principal arbitrates. When students are taught how to negotiate and are given opportunities to mediate their classmates' conflicts, they are given procedures and competencies to (1) regulate their behavior through self-monitoring, (2) judge what is appropriate given the situation and the perspective of the other person, and (3) modify how they behave accordingly.

Teaching all students negotiation and mediation procedures and skills results in a schoolwide discipline program that empowers students to regulate and control their own and their classmates' actions. Teachers and administrators are then freed to spend more of their energies on instruction.

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Teaching Students to Be Peer Mediators - ASCD

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Discipline problems plague classrooms and schools. Students bicker, threaten, tease, and harass one another. Conflicts involving racial and cultural differences are increasing. Truancy is epidemic. Violence is escalating. Generally, conflicts among students and between students and staff occur with frequency and consume considerable teacher and administrator time.

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The Peace Path can be used to help students who are facing a conflict together. Each students takes turns walking the Peace Path and using the sentence starters to communicate with each other.

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This is like a poster one of my mentor teachers used in her classroom. The poster outlines the different responses we can have to conflict and how to "Be Me"!

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While not strictly about conflict resolution alone, this analysis of social-emotional learning curriculum points to the importance of a holistic approach to students' self-awareness, and how an integrated approach to SEL can support proactive and successful conflict resolution by encouraging students to become more aware of their emotions and the emotions of others.

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The evidence of the impact of social and emotional learning (SEL) is compelling. A groundbreaking meta-analysis on SEL by Durlak and colleagues (2011) examined hundreds of programs involving more than 270,000 students in kindergarten through high school. In their findings, the authors noted, "SEL programs significantly improve students' skills, attitudes, and behaviors," on six factors:

But here's an important detail that might be overlooked. The effect was not as strong when delivered by non-school personnel (e.g., researchers and outside consultants). In fact, only three of the six factors had significant outcomes, and "academic performance significantly improved only when school personnel conducted the intervention." In other words, it mattered most when it came from teachers. And that makes sense, doesn't it? Best practices in education suggest that learning happens when a two-pronged approach-processing and applying-is used. When it comes to SEL, students need opportunities to put these skills into action in real time. And the best place to do just that is in your classroom.

Integrate SEL Using Literature

Use character analysis to shine a light on the social and emotional lives of protagonists and antagonists in literary and informational texts. These imaginary and real-life characters offer a template for how to manage struggles and adversity. They wrestle with feelings and have to figure out how to respond. The circumstances they find themselves in are not always within their control. Readers can safely witness what can go wrong within the pages of a book before they are similarly confronted by their own challenging circumstances. Biographies about heroic figures like Nelson Mandela shine a spotlight on courage in the face of adversity. A deep dive into Greek and Roman mythology presents ancient lessons that ring true today about the foibles of gods and humans. The interior life of the young girl in Sandra Cisneros' short story "Eleven" opens up the opportunity to discuss the importance of being able to label one's own feelings.

Integrate SEL Using Collaborative Learning

Sound SEL programs build students' skills for engaging in teamwork. Productive collaborative learning requires that group tasks are engineered to ensure that students need one another's ideas and efforts in order to be successful. The goals for a team engaged in productive collaborative learning are too, as we noted in our book Better Learning for Structured Teaching:

resolve a problem, reach consensus, or identify solutions;

consolidate their understanding and knowledge use argumentation; and,

hold themselves accountable individually and as a group.

Collaborative learning offers a multitude of opportunities for students to put SEL principles into action. Communication is a big one here, as students must figure out how to disagree with one another without being disagreeable, to ask questions of one another, and to reach agreements about the content and the workload. Jigsaw is an exceptional collaborative learning structure for accomplishing these goals (Aronson, 1978). Hattie (2017) has calculated an effect size of 1.20 for jigsaw, tripling the rate of learning. However, it isn't always implemented correctly, thus muting its effectiveness. Here's how to do jigsaw right.

In a jigsaw arrangement, students are members of two groups: a home group, and an expert group. The jigsaw lesson is completed in 4 steps. The home group, which is the first step, consists of 4-5 students who will synthesize the information each member gathers. For instance, the homegroup is responsible for gathering information on natural disasters in science. In the second step, the students then move to expert groups to learn more about one natural disaster: hurricanes, tornados, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, and tsunamis. The expert group works together to build their expertise in the assigned topic. When finished, students return to their home groups (step 3) to share their knowledge with one another. After each expert has presented on his or her assigned topic, the homegroup discusses commonalities and differences. Step 4 is the final step, where students return once more to their expert groups to discuss how the information learned about the other topics links to their own, and what might be other things to consider. In one class period, students face many opportunities to utilize their SEL skills and dispositions, with you right there to help them when they falter.

Integrate SEL Using Teachable Moments

Every effective teacher knows that the classroom and school climate influences the content learning that happens in within it. Teachers who are themselves skilled in social and emotional learning recognize those teachable moments when a student is being challenged to apply what she has been learning about herself. Those same teachers are responsive and assist the student in working through a challenge, thereby further strengthening relationships.

One of the most impactful influences is the quality of the relationship between teacher and student. Hattie's findings suggest that positive relationships have an effect size of 0.52. You've undoubtedly experienced this yourself as a learner of a difficult subject but taught by a person with whom you had a strong positive relationship. Teachers do a lot to foster these relationships. Bondy and Ross (2008) call them "warm demanders" because they skillfully couple caring with high expectations. But these relationships are a two-way street. They are affected by the dispositions, attitudes, and beliefs of both people. Socially and emotionally skilled students are able to seek help and feedback, ask questions, and regulate their own emotions.

Skills such as relationship building can't be effectively learned if they aren't applied in every corner of the school. The opportunity to seek feedback happens during science labs and writing workshop. Offering help occurs during physical education class and in algebra. The need to regulate one's emotions can arise suddenly on the playground and when a practice test didn't go as expected. Teachers and other school personnel assist students in processing and applying SEL skills, behaviors, and attitudes in the authentic ways. In doing so, they model how these methods are utilized by adults inhumane and growth producing ways.

Teachable moments can occur when a class is faced with a problem or dilemma. It may be due to a conflict between students, or because a classroom procedure has broken down. Class meetings reinforce how SEL principles are used by a community to reach a solution. In our book,Better Than Carrots or Sticks, we use these five questions to frame problem-solving class meetings:

Integrate SEL to Make the Most of Instructional Time

An integrated approach to social and emotional learning amplifies program effectiveness because students receive lots of opportunities to apply it to their lives. The insights they gain about themselves and through the lives of those they study about provide them with a window to a world they might not otherwise know. An integrated approach fosters the kind of so-called soft skills valued by employers (we have a career counselor colleague who reminds us that "soft skills pay the bills"). The time dedicated to infusing SEL in meaningful ways into academic content isn't time lost-it is an investment in young people to maximize their capacity to learn with and from others.
Nancy Frey, Douglas Fisher, and Dominique Smith are ASCD authors and teacher-leaders at Health Sciences High and Middle College in San Diego, CA. Nancy and Doug are also professors of Educational Leadership at San Diego State University.

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Think SEL Takes Too Much Time? Integrate It! - ASCD

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The evidence of the impact of social and emotional learning (SEL) is compelling. A groundbreaking meta-analysis on SEL by Durlak and colleagues (2011) examined hundreds of programs involving more than 270,000 students in kindergarten through high school. In their findings, the authors noted, "SEL p

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This list of books includes picture books, graphic novels, and picture books that can illustrate principles of positive conflict resolution and interpersonal communication. Using picture books or encouraging independent reading helps foster students' senses of empathy and cooperation.

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Bell, Cece. El Deafo. New York: Amulet Books, 2014. A wonderful Newberry Honor graphic novel memoir based on Cece's life growing up deaf from her unique, funny, and perceptive perspective. Highly recommended!

Blume, Judy. Blubber. New York: Yearling, 1974. A realistic story about bullying that takes place among fifth grade girls.

Celano, Marianne, Marietta Collins and Ann Hazzard. Something Happened In Our Town: A Child's Story About Racial Injustice. Washington, DC: Magination Press, 2018. This is an important book to help young readers process what they're seeing in the news about police shootings of Black people. In this story, a White family and a Black family discuss a police shooting of a Black man. This book helps to model conversations with young readers about race and racial injustice. An extensive Note to Parents and Caregivers is included in the back matter to help guide conversations in thoughtful, meaningful, and positive ways.

Churnin, Nancy. Martin & Anne: The Kindred Spirits of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Anne Frank. California: Creston Press, 2019. The story and illustrations are inspirational, beautifully relaying to readers of all ages Dr. King's and Anne Frank's uplifting messages of hope and social justice.

Codell, Esmé Raji. Vive La Paris. New York: Hyperion Paperbacks for Children, 2007. Fifth grader Paris McCray's older brother is being bullied by a younger girl. In her eager efforts to right some wrongs, Paris learns a powerful lesson about the dangers of ignorance.

Devenny, Jenny and Charnaie Gordon. Race Cars: A Children's Book About White Privilege. Beverly, MA: Quarto Publishing plc, 2021. This picture book, including the discussion notes in the back matter, is a good starting point for tough conversations about race, privilege, and oppression.

Draper, Sharon. Out of My Mind. New York: Atheneum Books, 2010. A powerful story about a brilliant, special needs 11-year-old who most people-adults and kids-don't think is capable of learning...until she discovers a way to have her voice heard by others.

Estes, Eleanor. The Hundred Dresses. New York: Scholastic, 1973. A short chapter book about a group of girls who pick on someone who is a little different. Told from the perspective of the bully's best friend who gives into peer pressure and joins the crowd.

DePino, Catherine. Blue Cheese Breath and Stinky Feet. Washington D.C.: Magination Press, 2004. Steve is picked on by a bully and is afraid things will get worse if he tells someone about it. His parents come up with a plan to help their son.

Gervay, Susanne. I am Jack. Berkeley: Tricycle Press, 2009. Jack, an eleven-year-old boy, is being bullied at school. Caring bystanders and grown-ups come to his rescue.

Goldblatt, Mark. Finding the Worm. New York: Random House Children's Books, 2015. The sequel to (see below), protagonist Julian learns important lessons about life, loss, an friendship.

Goldblatt, Mark. Twerp. New York: Random House, 2013. Twerp is a powerful story set in 1960s Queens about a boy who doesn't think of himself as a bully but has made a big mistake. He reluctantly agrees to keep a journal to write about it for his sixth grade English teacher as one of the consequences for his behavior.

Humphrey, Sandra McLeod. Hot Issues, Cool Choices: Facing Bullies, Peer Pressure, Popularity, and Put-downs. New York: Prometheus Books, 2007. This powerful collection of short stories offers a great opportunity for generating ethical and moral discussions with tweens and teens. Preview stories to make sure they are appropriate for your particular reader(s).

Hunt, Lynda Mullaly. Fish In A Tree. New York: Nancy Paulsen Books, 2015. Ally is a smart, creative girl who hides the fact that she can't read. With the help of a caring teacher, Ally learns that she's more than a label and new opportunities start to open up for her.

Kaufman, Gershen, Ph.D., et al. Stick Up for Yourself! Every Kid's Guide to Personal Power and Positive Self-Esteem. Minnesota: Free Spirit Publishing, 1999. This self-help book for kids includes a section on "How to deal with bullies." Provides the child with information, descriptions and interventions.Good book for middle-schoolers.

Korman, Gordon. Linked. New York: Scholastic, Inc., 2021. A disturbing mystery takes place in a quiet Colorado town: a huge Swastika appears on a school wall, and then more keep appearing. Told from several key students' perspectives, the community grapples with how such a a symbol of hate and prejudice ends up at the school and what they can do to counter it. Korman is a master storyteller whose work addresses important issues in such a thoughtful, empathetic way.

Korman, Gordon. Restart. New York: Scholastic, Inc., 2017. Chase Ambrose suffers from amnesia after falling off a roof. He can't remember bullying others prior to his fall and now gravitates to those kids he had previously bullied. Who now are really his friends? This story can generate great conversations on the power of our capacity to change and whether others choose to forgive and accept that we can change.

Levine, Karen. Hana's Suitcase. Illinois: Albert Whitman & Com pany, 2003. This is a true story about a suitcase that arrived at a children's Holocaust education center in Tokyo, Japan and the suspenseful mystery that is solved when the center's curator searches for clues about its original owner.

Lombard, Jenny. Drita My Homegirl. New York: Puffin Books, 2006. Drita escapes war-torn Kosovo and ends up attending a New York public school. Maxie, an African-American student there, doesn't want to have anything to do with her until they're paired up for a school project. A great story about how friendship can bloom and overcome two very different cultures.

Lord, Cynthia. Rules. New York: Scholastic Press, 2006. In this award-winning novel, 12-year-old Catherine gives her autistic brother rules to prevent him from embarrassing her. Great lessons on accepting those who are different from us.

Ludwig, Trudy. Better Than You. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2011. This story shows kids how adopting a "better than you" boastful attitude can break friendships rather than build them. Better Than You also offers great tips to kids on the receiving and giving end of bragging. A great resource for parents, teachers and counseling professionals.

Ludwig, Trudy. Confessions of a Former Bully. California: Tricycle Press, 2010. Told from the unusual point of view of the bullying child, this story provides kids with real life tools they can use to identify and stop relational aggression.

Ludwig, Trudy. Gifts from the Enemy. Oregon: Ludwig Creative, Inc., 2019. In this true and moving story, Alter Wiener, a teen survivor of five Nazi prison camps during WW II, shows young readers in an age-appropriate way how acts of social justice and kindness can change lives.

Ludwig, Trudy. The Invisible Boy. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2013. Brian is invisible. Nobody seems to notice him or think to include him in their group, games, or activities...until a new kid comes to class. This gentle story shows how small acts of kindness can help children feel included and allow them to flourish.

Ludwig, Trudy. Just Kidding. California: Tricycle Press, 2006. A joke that has a sharp edge to it can cut you to pieces. That's what D.J. finds out from his encounters with Vince, a smart-aleck classmate whose biting humor does more harm than good. This book captures the truth of harmful teasing and what can be done about it.

Ludwig, Trudy. My Secret Bully. California: Tricycle Press, 2005. Monica is emotionally bullied by her friend Katie and learns how to cope and thrive with the help of her mother. The book also includes helpful tips, discussion questions and additional resources for parents, teachers and counseling professionals.

Ludwig, Trudy. The Power of One. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, available in summer 2020.Change begins with one person standing up for what it right. Learn how one act of kindness can start a chain reaction.

Ludwig, Trudy. Quiet Please, Owen McPhee! New York: Knopf Books for Young Readers, available in August 2018. Owen, a talkative boy, comes down with a bad case of laryngitis and learns about the power of listening-not only with his ears but also with his heart-as a result.

Ludwig, Trudy. Sorry! California: Tricycle Press, 2006. Jack's friend Charlie knows how to get away with just about everything by saying "sorry." But does an apology count if you don't really mean it? And what happens when the person you've hurt knows you didn't mean it? This is a great tool for modeling personal accountability and responsibility.

Ludwig, Trudy. Too Perfect. California: Tricycle Press, 2009. Maisie thinks Kayla is perfect. She's pretty and thin, has cool clothes, and gets good grades. But is Kayla happy? The more Maisie gets to know Kayla, the more she begins to question whether being perfect is really so wonderful. A great resource to help kids understand that being happy doesn't come from being perfect; it comes from trusting and accepting who you are-mistakes and all.

Ludwig, Trudy. Trouble Talk. California: Tricycle Press, 2008. Maya's friend, Bailey, has a really big mouth. She gossips, spreads rumors, gives hurtful advice, and shares information that isn't hers to share. With the help of the school counselor, Maya learns how to set boundaries and Bailey learns how to curb her "trouble talk."

Mackesy, Charlie. The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse. New York: HarperOne, 2019. A beautifully illustrated story with timeless and timely truths told about kindness and love in such a powerful, simple way. Perfect for kids and adults!

Madonna. The English Roses. New York: Callaway, 2003. An exclusive girls' club, The English Roses, learn a lesson about judging their peers before really getting to know them.

Madonna. Mr. Peabody's Apples. New York: Callaway, 2003. A young boy learns the power of words after spreading a rumor about his teacher and baseball coach Mr. Peabody.

Millman, Dan. Secret of the Peaceful Warrior: A Story About Courage and Love. California: H.J. Kramer Inc., 1991. An old man named Socrates shows Danny that the best way of dealing with a bully is the way of the Peaceful Warrior, through courage and love.

Otoshi, Kathryn. Lunch Every Day. California: Ko Kids Books, 2021. Every day Jimmy takes 'Skinny Kid's' lunch at school...until a surprising act of kindness stops him in his tracks and opens his heart. Another winner by Otoshi that addresses bullying and promotes empathy and compassion.

Palacio, R.J. . New York: Knopf Books for Young Readers, 2015. In this sequel to the NYT bestseller the reader learns more about what other key characters are feeling and thinking.

Palacio, R.J. Wonder. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2012. August Pullman is a 5th grader born with a facial deformity. After being homeschooled for years, he's the new kid at Beecher Prep. This is a wonderful story about the power of acceptance and kindness. Highly recommended!

New Moon Books Girls Editorial Board. Friendship: How to Make, Keep, and Grow Your Friendships. New York: Crown Publishers, 1999. Discusses friendships and how they affect our lives. Includes practical advice, activities, and suggestions for meeting people.

Olson, Gretchen. Call Me Hope. New York: Little, Brown and Company, 2007. Eleven-year-old Hope is verbally abused by her mother. Rather than run away, Hope finds ways to protect herself and gets support from some caring adults.

Polacco, Patricia. Bully. New York: G.P. Putnam's Sons, 2012. Lyla gets picked up by the popular group, but when she sees one of her new "friends" bullying other kids, she leaves the group, only to find that the popular girls are now out for revenge.

Polacco, Patricia. Mr. Lincoln's Way. New York: Philomel, 2001. Mr. Lincoln, the school principal, compassionately works with a student to help him "unlearn" his bullying behavior. This beautiful story shows the importance of adult intervention to help children deal with bullying.

Polacco, Patricia. Thank you, Mr. Falker. New York: Philomel, 2001. Fifth grader Tricia is teased and taunted by her peers because of her reading problems. Her self-esteem continues to plummet until a wonderful teacher, Mr. Falker, intervenes, putting a stop to the bullying behavior and helping Tricia to read.

Romain, Trevor. Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain. Minnesota: Free Spirit Publishing, 1997. A Reader-friendly book written for children about bullies, the myths surrounding bullying issues and interventions. Includes resources for students, teachers and parents.

Romain, Trevor. Cliques, Phonies, & Other Baloney. Minnesota: Free Spirit Publishing 1998. Discusses cliques--what they are and their negative aspects--and gives advice on forming healthier relationships and friendships.

Ruurs, Margriet. Stepping Stones: A Refugee Family's Journey. Canada: Orca Book Publishers, 2016. A powerful, beautiful story with amazing stone artwork to capture the humanity of the refugee experience.

Sloan, Holly Goldberg. Counting by 7s. New York: Dial Books for Young Readers, 2013. One of my all-time favorite books, this is a beautiful novel about friendship, being different, and belonging.

Spinelli, Jerry. Crash. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1996. Seventh grader "Crash" Coogan is comfortable with his cocky super-jock and bully nature until his grandfather's stroke and an unusual Quaker boy make him reconsider the meaning of friendship and the importance of family.

Spinelli, Jerry. Loser. New York: Joanna Cotler Books, 2002. Even though his classmates consider him strange and a loser, Daniel Zinkoff's optimism and exuberance and the support of his loving family do not allow him to feel that way about himself.

Spinelli, Jerry. Maniac Magee. New York: Little, Brown & Co., 1990. Twelve-year-old Jeffrey comes to a small town, confronts racism, overcomes bullying and promotes harmony between rival factions.

Spinelli, Jerry. Wringer. New York: HarperCollins, 1997Young Palmer must either accept the violence of being a wringer at his town's annual Pigeon Day or find the courage to oppose it. Recommended for upper elementary and middle school students. Preview first, as this book is not for squeamish readers.

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Recommended Reading - Elementary-Middle | Trudy Ludwig

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Bell, Cece. El Deafo. New York: Amulet Books, 2014. A wonderful Newberry Honor graphic novel memoir based on Cece's life growing up deaf from her unique, funny, and perceptive perspective. Highly recommended! Blume, Judy. Blubber. New York: Yearling, 1974. A realistic story about bullying that takes place among fifth grade girls.

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Lesson plans, videos, teaching activities, research about promoting healthy SEL in the classroom, including conflict resolution, bullying, etc.

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Resources for Teachers

This section of the site is focused on providing practical information and resources that teachers, teachers-in-training and teachers-of-teachers will find useful. Use the sidebar menu to explore specific areas of CRE practice.

Classroom Activity Suggestions
Here's a few activities for classroom use that can help infuse conflict resolution ideas into the learning environment. These originally appeared in a Teacher's Conflict Resolution wall calendar that featured activities for each month of the year.
More examples can be found in the activity collection archive.

Videos of Possible Interest

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Related Conference Presentations (viewable online)

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Sample Catalog Resources

Below you'll find a randomized listing of up to 20 related items (we may have more...) drawn from our Resource Catalog.

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Resources for Teachers This section of the site is focused on providing practical information and resources that teachers, teachers-in-training and teachers-of-teachers will find useful. Use the sidebar menu to explore specific areas of CRE practice . Here's a few activities for classroom use that can help infuse conflict resolution ideas into the learning environment.

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Sometimes it can be difficult to think of ways to handle problems on your own. Using tools like this wheel of choice can help make it easier to decide how to handle your conflicts.

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source: I made this w/ info from Child Mind Institute (Teaching Kids How to Deal With Conflict) and Connections Academy (5 Steps to Building Conflict Resolution

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When we're in the middle of a conflict, it can be difficult to figure out how to solve it. You can look back at these 5 simple steps to help you make your way through conflicts you might run into!

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Problems and conflicts come in all different sizes and each size problem requires different types of solutions. You can use this handy chart to help you decide how big or small your problem is, and help you decide how to deal with it.

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https://youtu.be/6hSkmmNU7PM

I have these printed on cards on my peace shelf for kids to use. I really like them for visual and tactile learners. I would have loved these as a kid and do them myself sometimes.

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Deep Breathing with Shapes - Coping Skills for Kids

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https://www.waterford.org/education/classroom-conflict-resolution-techniques/

This website has several materials and information to work with!

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Conflict: It's great for drama, and an inescapable part of human progress, but it can make for fraught situations in the classroom.

Conflict can happen even in the most supportive, positive, and open classrooms, disrupting your students' ability to learn. If left unchecked, it could even lead to violence.

Many districts may offer some type of conflict resolution training. Even if yours doesn't, the good news for educators who are caught in the middle of classroom conflict is that there are many options for conflict resolution.

This article discusses strategies for dealing with conflict between students, as well as with an angry, disruptive student. And because conflict resolution is part of a child's social and emotional development, we've included a few activities to help teach conflict resolution skills in the classroom.

Conflict Resolution Steps to Help Students Grow

Ask 100 people what conflict resolution is, and you'll probably get 100 different answers. But there are concrete steps you can take to settle problems in the classroom. Not every conflict will be the same, and so not every conflict can be resolved in the same manner. But understanding basic strategies can help most situations.

Depending on the situation, there are several different options for conflict resolution. Here are some examples.

Conflicts Among Students

Sometimes the spark that ignites conflict seems simple, like interrupting another student or using someone else's property without permission. While these types of conflicts may be small-scale, researchers have found that violence can stem from relatively small conflicts, so handling disputes quickly is paramount.[3]

When something comes up, educators should take time to SOAR: Stop, Observe, Assess, and React.[6] Then you can acknowledge the emotions in the room and use the situation as a learning opportunity.

In cases where there's been a larger conflict between two students, here are six steps teachers can use to help students resolve a dispute:[4]

1. Cool off
First, before problem-solving can begin, the students need time to calm down. For younger students, have them take some deep breaths.

2. Share, listen, check
Students need to listen to each other share their issues, and then check that they understand them. This can take practice and coaching from a teacher. When sharing, students should use respectful but assertive "I statements," like ""I feel sad when you don't let me play because I am alone." Students can work on reflective listening and paraphrasing when they check for understanding. For example, they can start sentences with "I think I heard you say you feel ..." or "So you want me to try to ...".

3. Take responsibility
Once students have shared their perspectives, they need to take responsibility for their own actions. You can prompt students by asking them an open-ended question like, "What could you have done differently to change what happened?"

4. Brainstorm solutions
Now the students can work together to find a solution that's acceptable to both. This is a good time for students to learn to compromise. It can be helpful for a teacher to start the discussion with some suggestions, but it's best that the ideas come from the students.

5. Choose a solution
Students now go over their brainstormed list of solutions to eliminate the ones that aren't good for both of them and ones that won't address future problems.

6. Affirm, forgive, or thank
Students can close out the session by acknowledging what happened and forgiving the other student (if an apology or forgiveness is warranted). They can then thank each other for working on the solution together.

Helping An Angry Student

Sometimes an educator needs to deal with a student who's angry and causing a disruption in the classroom. York University in Canada has the following suggestions for such a case:[2]

Stay calm and polite and keep your own emotions under control. Keep eye contact and speak clearly-without raising your voice. (Note that some cultures may view eye contact as confrontational. Other non-verbal cues that show you are paying attention may be helpful.)

Offer to talk privately during a break in class, or to go to a quieter place if it's safe. Acknowledge the student's anger and let them vent to you about what is upsetting them. Listen and try to understand the real issues that are concerning the student. During your conversation, summarize and clarify your understanding of what the student has said. Don't disagree with the student, but build on what they have said.

You can help the student by giving them a way out-letting them gracefully back down from a heightened situation. This can be done again with open-ended questions that help the child calm down and understand what actually frustrated them in the first place.

Finally, encourage your student to generate solutions to the problem being addressed. Restate and reassure the child when they present a reasonable solution to the conflict.

Conflict Resolution Activities and Games for Children

Learning how to handle disagreements and conflict is a critical part of social-emotional learning (SEL). Social skills like cooperation, empathy, and self-control are integral to emotional development and conflict resolution.[1] Helping students develop strong social-emotional learning skills and build the competencies laid out by the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) can strengthen children's intellectual development, leading to lifelong success.

Incorporating fun activities and games in the classroom can help teach essential conflict resolution and social-emotional skills to children.

One place to start is simply by reading. Read-alouds can prompt class discussions about empathy, different perspectives, and the virtues of patience. Regular reading and discussion about these themes, and how they relate to real-world conflict resolution, can help children build their ability to handle conflicts.[5] Children may also benefit from coming up with other ways for characters to handle situations in the books.

Group activities like role playing help children understand differing perspectives, while also being fun for the class. When they're put in a situation and portraying something different from what they're used to, children learn empathy and practice considering other peoples' points of view. For younger students, it can be helpful to have a discussion after the role play to remind them they were playing a different "character," and to ensure students learned from the fun activity.[3]

When conflict arises, having the students involved write or draw a picture about what happened can be helpful for several reasons.[6] First, it sets a cooling-off period. It also encourages them to reflect on what happens and how it made them feel. Teachers can help students consider their actions by prompting them with questions like, "What would you choose to do differently?" or "How did this make you feel?"[3]

No two situations are the same, but generally these strategies can help create a peaceful and constructive classroom. When you're dealing with any level of conflict, remember that the goal is not just to end the argument, but to use the situation to help empower students to grow and learn how to solve their own problems.
Sources:

1. Responsive Classroom. "A Conflict Resolution Protocol for Elementary Classrooms." March 2001. https://www.responsiveclassroom.org/a-conflict-resolution-protocol-for-elementary-classrooms/

2. Teaching Commons at York. "Managing Conflict in the Classroom." York University. https://teachingcommons.yorku.ca/resources/teaching-strategies/managing-conflict-in-the-classroom/

3. The Resilient Educator. "4 Effective Conflict Resolution Strategies in the Classroom." April, 2018. https://resilienteducator.com/classroom-resources/4-effective-conflict-resolution-strategies-in-the-classroom/

4. Driscoll, Laura. "Teaching Conflict Resolution Skills in 6 Easy Steps." Social Emotional Workshop. October, 2017. https://www.socialemotionalworkshop.com/2017/10/teaching-conflict-resolution-skills/

5. Curletto, Amy. "Quick & Effective Conflict Resolution Strategies for the Classroom." Stanfield.com. https://stanfield.com/quick-effective-conflict-resolution-strategies-for-the-classroom/

6. Center for Teaching Innovation. "Getting Started with Managing Classroom Conflict." Cornell University. https://teaching.cornell.edu/resource/getting-started-managing-classroom-conflict

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Classroom Conflict Resolution Techniques - Waterford.org

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Conflict can happen even in the most supportive classrooms, disrupting your students' ability to learn. Here are some classroom conflict resolution techniques you can use.

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https://www.learnersedge.com/blog/conflict-resolution

The second heading is on restorive circles and includes a great tool kit to download. I love to do these especially with older students.

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Would it even be a resource without a Cult of Pedagogy reference? Love this website and post.

https://www.cultofpedagogy.com/restorative-justice-overview/

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This resource gives a day to day plan to begin implementing the circles.

https://lalilo.com/blog/2020/09/25/how-to-implement-conflict-resolution-circles-in-your-classroom/

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https://youtu.be/tw_nQ4x19Eo

A great video for students to watch!

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The fairy tale printable is great for kids.