# data[].attributes.body
hodge: so i know wearing a hat is supposed to be "distracting and disruptive or whatever"
hodge: but i feel my hair is more distracting and disruptive so im going with the lesser of 2 evils

# data[].attributes.body
ok but what is happening?! we went from friday jokes to debating capitalism

# data[].attributes.body
maxwell?: the earth has so many horrors
hodge: hey i just told john not to swear
max?: i didnt swear? whatd you thin-
hodge: wait you said horrors?? i thought you said the earth has so many whores!!!!

# data[].attributes.body
[hodge and maxwell talking]
ben: what are you guys talking about anyway?
hodge: were talking books shut up!
hodge: anyways where do we hide the bodies

# data[].attributes.body
hodge: [taking attendance]
hodge: brayden?
brayden: here!
hodge: aw dang it

# data[].attributes.body
us: [calls ben over]
me: HUGGINS! OVER HERE!!
ben: [just starts running in the other direction]
light: hes getting away
light: jerk
us: BOOOO
me: ben you suck!

# data[].attributes.body
[scaffer talking to a kid]
alex: [says something]
schaffer; this is an a-b conversation so you can c youself out
alex: my name starts with an a
schaffer: welll your grades sure dont

# data[].attributes.body
light: what did i do to deserve getting snuck up on
me: you know what youve done
light: what did i do
me: you know and i know you know
...
hodge: ya know what
hodge: im telling your mother
hodge: well have a long talk about all this that youve done
light: which one gnerngenvebknev
hodge: whichever will be more mad

# data[].attributes.body
playing loose- targeted harrasment uno
louve ends with 27 cards, none of them green
they were never even the one targeted, it just happened

none of them green

# data[].attributes.body
john, to maxwell: ya know at the start of the year i thought you were being an ass as a joke, but now i cant tell

# data[].attributes.body
recTANKle

# data[].attributes.body
light: our group's the girls, the gays, the theys, and the john doritos

# data[].attributes.body
light: i cant wait for equality club so i can be around people i actually like
hodge: WOOOOOWWW
hodge: OK
me: i see how it is
raitt: well lets juzt see those opinions chagne at lunch tomorrow huh

# data[].attributes.body
george, wearing a graphic tee and cargo shorts: "hey blueberry, rate my fit"
george: [puts on a camo hat, sunglasses, takes out sunscreen, and strikes a pose]
me: you look like a straight white dad who takes pictures with his fish and posts them on facebook
george: "AWESOME"
geroge: [flips hat around]
me: now you look like his teenage sun who comes fishing with him and posts pics on instagram insead
george: is he like the kinda guy to kiss the fish?
me: probably
george: nice

# data[].attributes.body
light: tony stark is a flirtatious bisexual"
light: "flirtatious atomic bombs..."
me: he MAKES flirataious atomic bombs"
light: and theyre all bisexual"

# data[].attributes.body
raitt: yeah but those cookies arent for kids though
sebatain: were not KIDS!  were fully grown adults... with husbands!

# data[].attributes.body
reiss: you still have today to suffer through-
reiss: i mean get through-
reiss: i mean enjoy

# data[].attributes.body
mr o, to the class, n front of the highschool teachers: IM PROBABLY REALLY HIGH RIGHT NOW"

# data[].attributes.body
hodge: yeah so when youre  done if you guy could do something that doesnt concern your other classmates that would be great
hodge: like laying your head down
hodge: and stop breathing
...
olivia: im sorry but a second ago did you tell us to die silently?
hodge: possibly

# data[].attributes.body
charlotte: [folding frogs and giving one out]
[room goes quiet]
ben: CMON GIVE ONE TO THE BUTCHEEK BOY!

# data[].attributes.body
[playing blooket]
lily: which one of you is "gay"
charlotte: uhh thats a little personal dont you think??
lily: I MEANT IN THE BLOOKET AND YOU KNOW THAT

# data[].attributes.body
[hodge,reading spongebob drug story]
its really not...
[turns to mattisse]
do i have to
[sigh] its really not poggers to get high off your mind

# data[].attributes.body
hodge: for some reason the school district thinks that if we let you guys watch a movie that we'd also let you fornicate and do drugs in the classrooms so were not allowed to.

# data[].attributes.body
schaffer: and that would be considered a lie of ommission
me: [unable to contain myself]
me, quietly laughing: no effin way dude
schaffer: so i take it you know what that is
me: yeah yep yep
me, to myself: who broke this vase
me: somebody broke my grandmas vase, and that was the last thing she gave to me before SHE DIED

# data[].attributes.body
collin: ooooooooo you two are flirting!!!
me: how is throwing a granola bar at my face... flirting????
ben: no really, please enlighten me

# data[].attributes.body
hodge: lily wants to know if anyone will go to the furry convention with her
maxwell: blueberry would go!!
me: the only way i would go is if i was physically forced into there... and i would take you with me

# data[].attributes.body
hodge: but before we get to reading it we can take the next 5 minutes to discuss... who hurt you
hodge: just to get it all out

# data[].attributes.body
dredre's family unit

# data[].attributes.body
charlotte: ists cool, i got double desks
me: youre in between the buttcheeks of the desks
ben: OH MY GOD
charlotte: no...
senethi: why would you say that
charlotte: i cant unthink that
charlotte: i use to like this seat until you said that

# data[].attributes.body
redneck battle ship
standing in a lake facing opposite directions and thrwoing rocks back to see who gets hit first - andrew

# data[].attributes.body
me: i have fast reflexes like if my sister pokes me i might punch her in the face
majersky: so youre will smith or something?

# data[].attributes.body
me: [makes a joke]
keva: they say male clarinet players are the most rude and obnoxius...

# data[].attributes.body
[were hiding from mr hodge when he comes back]
hodge: why are you guys under tables?!
hodge: are you ok??
hodge: [literally just turns back around and leaves]

# data[].attributes.body
ass a nation

# data[].attributes.body
the jfk ass

# data[].attributes.body
keva: I dont care cause I can spawn new balls!
...
keva: HE STOLE MY BALLS!

# data[].attributes.body
ben: if they taste the same then how bout i trade you this yellow for that red
dredre: No!!!!! >:(
ben:[takes it anyways]
dredre: whore

# data[].attributes.body
sofie: [says something]
dom: [ flicks her off]
sofie: GAASSPP you just had the audacity to give me a bird?
sofie: [goes to mr hodge] "he just gave me a middle finger"
hodge: "really? cuz i didnt think he had one"

# data[].attributes.body
dredre: dont call me dredre!!
dredre: istg im going to break down in tears if you guys call me that again
charlotte: oh my god im so sorry dredre!
me: ya i feel so bad dredre

# data[].attributes.body
mia: so i know you said it had to be pg-13 launguage but
hodge; oh no
mia: would the worl s-l-u-t be ok to use?
lily: if youre going to spell it just say it
lily: slut. she means to say slut.

# data[].attributes.body
nate: whats the opposite of live laugh love?
dom: die
nate: cry
kaia: hate

# data[].attributes.body
[light steals one fruit snack from maxwell]
maxwell: “i will eviscerate you!
hodge: “and ya know what. i would let him”

# data[].attributes.body
[friday jokes]
nate: [raises his hand]
hodge: “10 bucks it has to do with a penis”
nate: “ehh kinda”
sage: “why do you mean kinda???”
sage: “is there like half a penis or something???”

# data[].attributes.body
maxwell: since im your favorite student and im so good and quiet can you have me not do the assignment and instead give me meth
nat: well that sure took a turn
hodge: yeah but it’s the exact turn i expected
hodge: and no maxwell i don’t have any on me at the moment

# data[].attributes.body
ben: “can we defenestration the sexy out of bart simpson?”
majersky: “im sorry… what”
light: “defenestration is the act of throwing something or someone out of a window”
ben: “and we want to do that to bart simpson”

# data[].attributes.body
[office lady came to pick up audrey’s stuff]
eric: don’t forget her chromebook
lady: [takes it]
…
[ben comes back from the bathroom]
ben: wait where’s my chromebook?
eric: THAT WAS YOURS??!!!!!!!!
someone: eric told the office lady it was audrey’s and she took it
[ben just freaking darts out the door]
eric: I WAS TRYING TO BE HELPFUL

# data[].attributes.body
maxwell: so when you say sketchy, how many drug rings do they operate
hodge: just one
maxwell: WAIT THEY DO

# data[].attributes.body
[doing an inky pinky]
dom: [gasp] "MR HOGE LEAHS CHEATING"
hodge: [takes her phone out of her hand]
leah: "nonono dont look at my search history!'
hodge: "its all body pillows"

# data[].attributes.body
hodge: says something about the island of misfit boys]
kid: "wait whatd you say dee...dees-somethin-"
hodge: "deez nuts"

# data[].attributes.body
[nate writes something onthe board]
[olivia erases it]
olivia: "its just not the vibe"
nate: [writes] "we should be able to vibe frelly"
hodge: wait is that suppose to say freely??
[continutes to make fu n of him]

# data[].attributes.body
audrey: “ben can you not devious lick my chair, it’s offensive”
ben: [stands there holding it]
me: “BEN! im open! im open!”
ben: [pretends to throw it]
ben: “dodge ball? nanano, dodge chair”
ben: “if you can dodge a chair you can dodge a ball”
light, from across the room: “what events made him come to that conclusion?? i must know”

# data[].attributes.body
ben: [demon voice] bozo alert
grant: that actually really offends me can you please stop
ben: [demon voice] oh im so sorry i didn’t know i apologize deeply i feel so bad for you but also… who… who asked

# data[].attributes.body
ben: wait blueberry i think i took your calculator
me, holding my calculator: uhh
ben: THEN WHOS IS THIS???

# data[].attributes.body
matisse: hey mr hodge, in honor of black history month can i get 100 on that quiz?
matisse: im 50% black so it counts
hodge: then youre gaurenteed 50%
matisse: SCORE!!

# data[].attributes.body
alex: [shouts out an answer]
schaffer: [looks him in the eye]
schaffer: if my shoes came off easier i would take one off and throw it at you

# data[].attributes.body
hodge: and if your religion revolves around killing babys... well... you need to get your shit together
[everyone looks at lily]
hodge: yeah lilly would sure be the head of that
lily: bow down to me!

# data[].attributes.body
reiss:  [says something]

buckley: [agrees from behind the fold wall they call his office]

[echos of confusion as to the fact he was back there]

reiss: “oh ya that’s just we’re we hold him hostage while he’s not teaching”

[laughter and comments]

reiss: “mr buckley do we hold you hostage there against your will?”

buckley: “yep”

[everyone talking and laughing]

reiss: “oh but don’t worry we feed him, we’re not evil of anything”

reiss: “mr buckley do we feed you?

buckley: yep… i got doritos

reiss: [goes right back to what she was saying]

# data[].attributes.body
ben: its either big boom boom or sweet home alabama

# data[].attributes.body
[the bus stopped at a random stop sign] sebastian: “hey bus sub can i get off here!”
driver:  “no.”
temani: “why would sebastian ask to get off here?”
me and hailey at the same time: “becuase hes sebastian”

# data[].attributes.body
alex: [playing snake game on my calculator in class]

majersky: “put your phone away alex”

alex:  “it’s not my phone

me: “it’s my calculator”

majersky: well…

# data[].attributes.body
schaffer: “so you see the drawing of the guy standing in a doorway?
brayden: “but there’s no door?”
schaffer: well it’s a drawing so…
nate: “i mean…there’s no door.. so it’s just a way”

# data[].attributes.body
random highschooler: OH MY GOD IS THAT A REMUS SHIRT?!”

me:  “well it’s virgil but that works too”

them: djfjd my brain is just not existent right now

[continues to talk about sasi till i get picked up)

# data[].attributes.body
ben: [telling a funny story about a dnd campaign]

[laughing and talking about it]

sophie: “uhhh what are you guys even talking about”

ben:  “a dnd campaign”

sophie: “what”

light: [explains dnd in detail]

sophie: “what”

me: “it’s a nerd game”

ben: “ya this is just a nerd conversation”

sophie: “gotcha”

# data[].attributes.body
[walking across the class]
collin: “so you guys BOTH like him”
charlotte:  “…i’m gay”
me: “ya that is jsut the best response to anything”

# data[].attributes.body
ben:  “oh shnikes!”
hodge: “hey watch the language dude”
maxwell: “ya watch your fucking mouth BEN”
maxwell: “what the fuck are you laughing at”

# data[].attributes.body
maxwell: [looking at pictures mr. hodges kids]

maxwell:  “wow hodge it’s a miracle that your kids look so cute, i’m suprised they’re related to you

hodge: “oh shut up maxwell

hodge: but i gotta give it to ya that one was good

# data[].attributes.body
ben: “jeff bezos? more like jeffery bozo”
me: “or better yet *shrek gayzos*”

# data[].attributes.body
lucas: [admits to playing fortnite]

[various overreactions]

me:  “let’s sacrifice him to the percussionists”

aiden: “we can lock him in the closet”

[starts chanting “sac-ra-fice”]

ben:  “sack-of-rice”

[starts chanting sack-of-rice]

mr o: so i could’ve sworn you guys were chanting sacrifice but half way though all i could hear is “sack of rice”

mr o: what the heck was going on

# data[].attributes.body
julian: “i think mrs. schaffer doesn’t like the lgbtq community becuase she didn’t let me put on that dress”
me:  “julian, she didn’t want you to try on the dress becuase you were suppose to 10 minutes ago and you didn’t”

# data[].attributes.body
[playing a card game in the hallway]

mr nelson: “how you guys doing?”

us: “fine”

mr nelson: “well ok just be good”

ben: “ok, we’ll be bad”

ben: “we’re bad boys”

ben: [starts singing] bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do whatcha gonna do when they come for you … ”

mr. nelson: [slowly backs away]

# data[].attributes.body
class: [talking about targeted ads]
dom: [leans to his phone]
Dom: “big booty women”
hodge: “what are you talking about you already search that up”

# data[].attributes.body
maxwell: “yeah i mean, you’re fat and you’re 90”
hodge: “and that’s coming from someone who looks like a miami drug dealer”
john: “the fact it’s specifically miami”

# data[].attributes.body
hodge: so my idea for the bike story is basically dom, dominic allen, the main character,  finally got his training wheels off of his bike and he wants to show off his biking “skills” to his freinds and decides to ride down this hill but he crashed too many times, threw the bike into the tree and walked into the sunset
dom: [gets up and leaves the class and doesn’t come back for 5-10 minutes]
john: “eh he’s probably jsut talking a massive shit or soemthing”

# data[].attributes.body
hodge: “we’re all doomed, as a humanity”
maxwell: “obviously, becuase you’re teaching the children”
hodge: “yeah, it’s honestly a miracle that i still have a job”
[talks about how stupid people on hgtv are for like 10 minutes]

# data[].attributes.body
kid: so what youre saying is that we should all bring cocaine in and do that during class.
hodge: no we definitely cant do that at school... wed all need to go on a field trip
nat: i know this great alleyway
nate: we can have a pizza cocaine party!
dom: we should bring weed brownies too!
[discusses it for a while]

# data[].attributes.body
lily: my dad has a white van with no windows
...
lily: he wont take my suggestion about kidnapping little kids and selling them on ebay.
dom: YOU HAVE TO SELL THEM ON WAYFAIR

# data[].attributes.body
hodge: mia- oh whyd i call on you
mia: [off topic]

# data[].attributes.body
we spent alot of time discussing babies and how lilly hates them so much

# data[].attributes.body
leah: ok i disagree
hodge: youre a child

# data[].attributes.body
sebastain was working on his poster and needs to draw handcuffs
him: finds a not great photo
him: asking about it multiple times
hodge: why dont you ask your mom about it she probably knows

# data[].attributes.body
hodge: now i probably shouldnt say this but
hodge: do you guys think Zinhle is in love with Mitra
hodge: theres definitely evidence in the story to go with it

and honestly ya shes just like " i hate every single person here... exept for my one single bestie in the whole world

# data[].attributes.body
dom: did you know that bdsm stands for black diversity in schools matters
...
nate: [slams his phone down] OH BOY! why did i do that
kid: wait you googled it?!
hodge: what did he do?
kid: he googled bdsm!!
hodge: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
nate: I DONT KNOW

# data[].attributes.body
story titled "an equal share of bone"
dom: "Theyre sharing a bone?! :)
class: dfvhufhvehveif
hodge: "well its not like dom has any bone to share
class: fvjvnkenvkebrjvber
nate: HE SAID DOM DOESNT HAVE A DICK