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Hello Jack! A star I have for you is that the bullet points in your slide were simple but good. Another star I have is that on your history slide, your put all the events in chronological order which made the slide easier to understand. A wish I have is that you could’ve made the slides look a little less bland. Maybe change the fonts or add more pictures.

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One thing I liked about your timed paragraph was your sum up. I liked it when you used “Bullying/Harassment” as it shows that neither of them are good and bullying isn't the only problem. I also liked the transitions you used. I really like when you say “To explain in more detail…” It makes you sound like you have studied thousands of short videos and you really know what you are talking about. One thing to work on is your claim. In your claim it says “Undoubtedly, the Pixar short, 'For The Birds' shows the theme that people shouldn't bully/judge a person…” Instead of saying “shows the theme” I would say something like “The pixar short for the birds states a very important theme about…” It makes the theme sound so much more important and I think it would help.

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Hi Jack! One thing I found intriguing about you piece was your transition in the first evidence. I thought your transition from non quotations to quotations very good as you said “the main character “the sheep” etc. I thought this was good because it bled right into the evidence but it gave you the info stated before the evidence presented. Another thing I noticed that was great is when in your second explanation you said that people should be accepted and loved no matter what, which directly connected to the evidence above which stated the most remembered line in Boundin,’ “Pink? Pink? What’s wrong with pink, whether it pink, purple, or heliotrope” and I thought that was magnificent the way you direct;y connected it with different wording and in a way the reader enjoyed it. I didn’t find a wish, the piece was well written by you the writer and me the reader enjoyed it as a great story for anyone to enjoy. I feel Ms. Whichard should use this as a example because its so good. Amazing job Jack!

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In your Pixar short paragraph, The White Coat, I liked how you added metaphors in your piece, like “the sheep’s friendship is tested.” These really spiced up the paragraph. Another star I have is that your claim was very good. The transition words were great. A wish I have for you is that you forgot to add a space in between the period and the new sentence (mainly in the transition words).

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One thing you did well was your 1st explanation. You explained how the evidence connected to your claim and you were very descriptive. Another thing you did well was your sum up. You said the theme in a descriptive way and made it easy to understand without repeating the claim. One thing to work on is your spacing. I noticed throughout your paragraph there would be times where you didn't put a space after a period.

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Hola, Jack, something that I liked in your story “Let Them Stay” was how much you wrote in your body paragraph anecdote. I enjoyed it because it not only is convincing but also creates an extremely detailed story, as I was reading I was intrigued about how much of a story is being written for a persuasive paragraph. Something else I liked was all of your second fees paragraph, because it's true I feel so much better when I’m playing video games with my friends and family rather than just sitting around doing nothing.One thing that bothered me was in your first body paragraph I can’t find where the quote starts, I see where it ends but you should probably edit it so it can be a full quote.

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A strength in your essay “Let Them Stay” was in the introduction paragraph when you were describing the kid. I liked how you said he ran right into his door as if he was a battering ram. It shows just how hard he ran into his door. Another thing I liked was the questions at the end of the paragraph because others reading the paragraph might also be wondering that so it lets them know you will answer that as you put it in your essay. One wish is for you to add in your ending paragraph what might happen if video games aren't allowed. This would make it stronger as it shows the negatives like kids failing school which parents don't want to happen.

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A strength in your story “The return of light”. I really like the length of your story. It has a very descriptive storyline. I especially liked when you described the smell and the feel of the closet. it makes your story pop and come to life. It’s not just that part either it's also when you described what it was like when you hit the closet. Even though this was fiction you described it like you lived it and you were there. I also really like how much emotion that this character shows over missing the sun. In the end I was surprised that she only asked questions and didn’t scream at them. SPACING whenever somebody new is talking you make a new paragraph. Also towards the beginning of your story you said Stuff like… I personally feel like that you could use a better word than stuff

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The best part of your memoir was when you were giving all the details about how nervous you were and how confused you were. It really helped me better understand what you were thinking. Another good thing about your memoir was that you said where you were, what you were doing, and why you were doing it. That made a whole lot of the difference. One thing you could work on was how long your memoir was. It really could have been a smaller and more specific moment.

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The best part of your memoir was when you were giving all the details about how nervous you were and how confused you were. It really helped me better understand what you were thinking. Another good thing about your memoir was that you said where you were, what you were doing, and why you were doing it. That made a whole lot of the difference. One thing you could work on was how long your memoir was. It really could have been a smaller and more specific moment.

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I think a strength in his memoir was his thoughts. He showed what he was thinking and how nervous he was at the time. Another strength is that he described how nervous he was. When he stopped holding onto the wheel he said “I could feel the sweat on my hands as I took them off.” Something he could work on is making it easier for the reader. Sometimes throughout the piece I didn't know what he was talking about or what he meant.