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Hi Ethan! I gotta say that your slides are amazing, I really like the transitions and animations! As well as your use of pictures too. Your slides tell me you know exactly what your doing and I can tell. You also keep your slides very neat too! However, I feel like you could try to change some text colors so that you can read some of the slides easier. But anyway, great job 👍

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Hi Ethan! Your paragraph is really strong! Very descriptive, very strong word choice and a really good claim, evidence and explanation. You also did really well not trying to repeat “bird” or “birds” a lot, unlike me 😅. However, I feel like you could spice up your sum-up a little bit more to make it sound better to the reader. But keep up the great work!

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Hi, Ethan! First off, your usage of elevated vocabulary made your paragraph strong , for example, you used the word “hysterically” which makes your analysis very sophisticated. In addition your paragraph is very lengthy and filled with amazing details and incredibly amazing word choice. A suggestion that I can offer for improvement is to  probably stop repeating words as much and probably write in a way so people of all ages can understand or In this case just write in a simpler way but keep  up the work.

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Hi! A strength of your paragraph, “Keeping Fears at Bay” was the transition words. I really liked “Definitely” and “to further elaborate” because it kept the piece interesting and not repetitive. Another thing I enjoyed about the paragraph was the Explanation. They were thorough and detailed, and they contained support for your theme of never giving up on fears. Lastly, a third thing I liked was the claim and sum it up sentences. They were straightforward, stating the theme with no personal pronouns and a powerful word choice. Great job! :)

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Hi Ethan! I really liked you paragraph, the descriptions, the explanations and examples were all really good! I also like how your explanations kinda sounded like some of you go to hearts on you previous unit, a really good touch to the paragraph! However, I just have one wish and that is that you try to be a tiny bit more descriptive in the first part of your #2 explanation.

But you did really well!

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Hi Ethan! A strength in your essay was your go to heart. I found it to be very persuasive and be if it’s your writing by making it stronger, it was relatable, and had all the right words even strong one to really make it stand out. I like how you used the word “beneficial” over again at least a couple times, it gets your idea across any reader. Another strength in your essay was your introduction scenario. I found this great because of how you worded  it, when I say this I mean that when you said “not a single head was turned to the teacher” or any other part in it really made it turn into a strong start. However, one wish that I had was that take away your personal pronouns such as your, our, or even us.

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Hi Ethan! I really like your timed essay, the power the though you put into it. It’s amazing! I also really like you 1st and 2nd paragraphs which had really good anecdotes! I think you introduction and conclusion paragraphs were go too! However, I feel like you could’ve add a little more about how the teachers wanted to use a class pet so the students could focus.

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A strength of your essay, “The Horrifying Truth About Homework” was the first part of the introduction paragraph. You really described the boy with the giant stack of homework, the stress he is experiencing, sleep deprivation, and more. The scene showed how much of an impact homework has on students. Another strength was the Look to the Future part of the conclusion paragraph. It plants a picture in the reader’s mind, a picture that broadcasts to him what the future will be like with and without homework. Also, the reader can clearly establish which option is best for kids: homework or no homework. Having read your essay, he will automatically say that homework should be banished. Another thing I liked was your CEES paragraphs. They were phenomenal, especially the anecdotes. They captured my attention and put an image in my mind. Overall, you crafted a really strong essay! :)

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Hi Ethan! I really like your essay especially your explanations and anecdotes, they’re pretty emotional and tug at the readers heart. Which is really good for anecdotes like these! I also like your introduction paragraph and Conclusion paragraph as well because it somewhat brings the essay alive. However, I feel as if you could do a little bit more with your call to action or zinger.

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Hi Ethan! A thing I liked about your was your introduction Hook I thought it was amazing overall the amount of details and emotions put into it. In addition, I liked your anecdotes, one of the most i liked the most was the one with the words with like “the sun was like a gold coin” it pictured the sun in my head. But something i would be more detailed about was your reasoning and explain more to your readers.

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Hi, Ethan! A strength of your narrative is your details. I was flabbergasted to see you had 11 pages of details. I didn't have the time to read all of it but, reading 3 pages helped me understand and hooked me as the reader into your story! In addition I like how you developed Blake as a character and I can visualize the actions happening in the story. However, I was confused at the part where you introduced the characters, but it makes sense because I didn’t read the whole story

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I found your writing piece very powerful when it comes to how strong the emotion was and how you used your figurative language at just the right times. I also loved the more so counting part of your story of how you like pleaded for it to be over. However for improvement I think for next time add a sort of backstory to why you were so afraid of needles/sharp things.

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I found your writing piece very powerful when it comes to how strong the emotion was and how you used your figurative language at just the right times. I also loved the more so counting part of your story of how you like pleaded for it to be over. However for improvement I think for next time add a sort of backstory to why you were so afraid of needles/sharp things.

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One thing I liked about your memoir was how you ended the paragraph: That’s when I felt it. It was a very short sentence, but really powerful. It seemed like I felt it too when I read it.Another thing I liked was the pun you added: I heard my brother say needles are scary. I guess he had a point! I think it was funny. A third thing you did well was your ending. It was very meaningful, especially the last phrase: Fear isn’t real. It only exists in your head.  Great job!

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I really liked how you were describing how you would like to be a bird in the memoir. It was really emotional, in a good way. Another thing that I liked in this memoir was the paragraph before the ending had disbelief on your side, but on the readers its not only disbelief but also they might be wondering what might happen next. That was one of the many things that made your memoir great. Although it would have been a tiny bit better if you used more thoughts near the end. But overall this is a great memoir.

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I like how you were counting down how long the shot was and the way you were feeling during those 5 seconds. It can make me relate to what you were feeling. In addition I really liked how you did your ending and how you said fear isn’t really real. It is only a thing that can get in your end, I liked it when you said fear is a barrier because it actually is. However,  suggestions I can offer for improvement is to give the reader more of the picture how the do it really looked like and give us more a visual idea of what happened more than a mental idea of what happened.