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I am put onto Aspen when my showing career begins, she's not the best to show but she was my favorite at the time

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I'm around ten years old here

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I'm often thrown onto different horses, building a reputation of being able to adapt to whatever horse I'm on.

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Being put on the horses who were skittish gave me confidence in myself and my riding skills.

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Apollo is a new horse to the barn, originally intended for one of my friends who had planned on leasing him, so she would've had priority over him at shows.

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I'm becoming a better rider and enjoying the thrill of riding. It's becoming less of a past-time and more of a passion.

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My instructor asks me if I want to begin showing. Of course I do, so I say yes. I begin showing at smaller shows, they take up my weekends but I enjoy them mostly

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Even though I loved the shows, they were stressful as well. Having to get my hair done and also do make-up always made me scared I would be late.

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New horses are constantly being brought into the barn, some are good fits and some are not. I'm often put on top of some, but not always.

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I begin riding Apollo often, and think about leasing him. Me and mother talk about it and debate on the pro's and the cons of the decision

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Leasing is when you pay for parts of the horses care, while they still live in the barn. This also gave you priority over the horse during shows.

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Apollo and I are becoming a great team, we work together well even when he has his temper tantrums. I love riding him, especially when we can canter. It's amazing.

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It was my first big show. I was a nervous wreck and was worried about my performance.

My first class I showed in was a disaster, Apollo wasn't complying and didn't want to listen. He was in pain and didn't want to do it that day. It felt like my day was ruined and there was no coming back.

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Apollo had a defect with his lungs, which gave him something similar to asthma which made it difficult for him to breed often.

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I'm thrown onto Kiwi last minute because Apollo was misbehaving and didn't want to perform that day. I'm worried, I hadn't been on Kiwi in so long and she was a skittish horse the last time I was on her.

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I used to ride Kiwi often, she was so skittish and would spook at everything so every time you rode her you had to be prepared.

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I had won my class at Clemson! I was so happy, it was my first time ever doing a victory lap and it was electrifying.

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I continue to ride Apollo, this time almost exclusively. While I did enjoy riding him, I also wanted to ride other horses, like Aspen.

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Being exclusively put on Apollo made lose some of my adaptability skills, but it was fine because I still loved riding him. Until I fell off of him.

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Falling on Apollo had shaken me deeply, I became extremely anxious and dreaded being put on him. There was an incident before a ride started where I had been dressing him and my anxiety had kept building. This led up to an anxiety attack.

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I kept getting more nervous and nervous on top of Apollo and my nerves were passing onto him, which wasn't healthy. We all knew something needed to change but we didn't know what.

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He was a new horse, brightly colored with a high head. He was expected to eventually be the news kids horse and would behave accordingly.

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Because I was so anxious on and around Apollo, it makes sense to put me on DQ

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We had learned that he was a strong horse, who likes to move fast. Not everyone at the barn was able to hold him back, I was. I was put on him often and I enjoyed him so much.

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It had become apparent that DQ wouldn't be a good kids horse, he was too skittish and too strong. He'd be able to drag people around the ring if they weren't able to pull him down. And he was almost as skittish as Kiwi was when she first arrived.

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It had been a simple lesson, just practising with him and another girl in the ring, it was wet because it had stormed the day prior. The ground usually got muddy when it was wet. This could make some horses upset if they didn't like the feeling of the water splashing up onto their hooves. The ring was next to a road, so often cars would be driving by. DQ was on the side of the cars, and a loud 18-wheeler had come by behind him and he had jumped into the air, with me on his back.

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I had tried to stay confident and push forward after the incident of DQ jumping, tried to make jokes out of it. Until it became more often. He would spin unexpectedly, spook. Sometimes I would fall off, sometimes I wouldn't, but it would scare me either way.

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It had become the same thing that happened with Apollo, I would dread every time I came to the barn to get ready for the next lesson.

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It was worrisome, he had an eye infection that kept spreading. Everyone was worried it would end his life, luckily though, he was fine but he did lose an eye. This only intensified his skittishness and made him more anxious when riding.

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With an anxious rider and an even more anxious horse who can't see half of his previous field of vision. We just weren't a good match anymore. But I still tried to push through and continue to ride with him.

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My mental health had been declining and my anxiety had simply become worse. And I didn't enjoy horseback riding anymore.