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My parents, my cat and me on my birthday

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During pandemic, more specific on April 2021, where I was reaching mid studies, my parents starting ‘pushing’ me to get a summer job as I was going to turn 18 and it was important to start getting experience. One of my cousins offer to send my CV for my parents to stop saying the same thing over and over again.

On May 2nd, 2021, I turned 18 and my parents could not be more happy, my dad even got an appointment next day in The National Registry of Civil Status for me to have an ID, as he wanted me to be an ‘adult’ as soon as possible, he used to say it was his greatest accomplishment.

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On May 30th, my world completed crashed. As my mom got COVID and my dad had a stroke, I was completely shocked and alone. So, my aunts flew from Cali and stayed with me.

The first three weeks were a physical nightmare as I was running from one hospital to another to get mews from both my parents and trying to keep it together, with university finals, paying utilities and bills and trying my best to be there for them.

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Having both parents in the hospital was a challenge, as by that time the mortality due to this pandemic was increasing tons by day and the occupations in the hospitals were full. So, whenever they needed something it was nearly impossible to get it done, as they were not enough equipments to treat them.

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A drawing one of my closest friends did of one of my favorite pictures with him

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After a lot of fights with the hospitals, my mom recovered from COVID and got out. Unfortunately, my dad after recovering from his stroke, got COVID and did not make it, he died on July 4th.

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I wanted with all my forces to stop everything as my dad was my favorite person in the whole world, but it didn’t. I was shortly going to start my fifth semester and got a callback from the job my parents wanted for me, in a bank.

So, I didn’t stop, I didn’t want to be a weight in the shoulder of my mom, who had just lost the love of her life. I didn’t want to stop studying, because my dad was always very proud of the intelligent daughter he believed they raised and I couldn’t stop working, cause what was I supposed to do all day if I wasn’t busy, plus I needed to pay for my studies.

I didn’t stop, I did everything, I changed to night classes in the university and I started working, a week after my dad left. But I also didn’t give me the space to feel and understand what I was going through. I didn’t mourn.

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How was grief for individuals who had family members who died from COVID 19?

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How was grief for individuals who had family members who died from COVID 19?

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I read short investigative article that explained how grief was conceived for those who lost a relative in this pandemic.

It explained how, because there was lack of contact and communication, their minds did not understand the loss and even believed their love ones were still there.

That is exactly how my family and I felt, we did not get the chance to give him a goodbye. We did not know it was such a sudden goodbye.

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2022 was pure chaos. I was crying because I did not like my job, stressed because I was going through university practices, arguing with my mom because I felt she did not understand how I was feeling -even though she was hurting more-, it was about to be a year since the last time I saw my dad. I felt like life was winning at making me hate everything I was in.

My mom in a desperate moment to make me realize what was happening, put me into therapy. I honestly hated the idea of someone telling me how to walk through my loss if probably that person had their family complete.

I could not be more wrong, and I cannot be more grateful for that. My psychologist was such good help to make me see it was a mourning process I was going through, one I did not work on. And helped me work through it, the pain never disappears, but it ceases. The pain transforms and you change with it.

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After crying, writing, and understanding what life has been. I realized life continues and you move with it. I am almost finishing college, I am in a job I like, and I try to enjoy alongside my mom and my family every opportunity I get to be with them.

We miss my dad everyday at every time, but we honor him by remembering him with love and doing the things we know he loved the most.