# data[].attributes.headline
Mind that this is not a must, but if you want to try

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Mind that this is not a must, but if you want to try

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After carefully considering the opinions of my classmates, I agree with A's idea that ..... While it is true that (B's idea), Your Topic Sentence.

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Rory
Honestly, I am against the idea of restricting mobile phone access for young children. I believe mobile phones can help children communicate with their parents if they need their help for an urgent matter when they are away from their parents at school or elsewhere. Maybe companies can invent a special kind of mobile phone that is somehow kid friendly.

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Children below ten should not have mobile phone as it can be harmful.

Comment from Iris: in a topic sentence, we want to sound more certain so we always avoid using words like "can be" "may be" ...

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Amy
I totally agree with the idea of not giving children phones before they reach a certain age, let's say ten years or so. I believe children younger than ten are not yet ready to deal with the world that comes with mobile phones, as it can put them in harm's way.

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Children younger than 10 years old shouldn't be allowed to posses mobile phones because it is detrimental to their physical and mental health.

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Giving mobile phone to children before 10 years old is not a appropriate thing.

Iris: but why?? so we are missing controlling idea from this TS.

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children that is younger than ten should not get phones because phones can be harmful to children

Iris: can be more specific by identifying be harmful to children in what perspective?

# data[].attributes.body
Children younger than ten should be restricted of using mobile phones.

Iris: why??? You see the controlling idea is missing from this TS

New:

Children younger than ten should be restricted of using mobile phones, because it may harm children in an unexpected way.

# data[].attributes.body
Children should not be allowed to have phones before ten because they could not deal it well so it could be harmful for them.

Iris: a bit too specific

you can say it could be harmful to them in what perspective without eliciting the cause

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Mobile phones would have an unhelpful influence on children who are younger than ten years old.

correction: Mobile phones would have an unhealthy influence on children who are younger than ten years old.

Iris; clear but the unhelpful influence sound a bit too vague

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Children younger than 10 years old should not get mobile phone beacause it can be harmful to them.

Iris: this is clear and can be made more specific by saying harmful to them in what way?? in what perspective?

Children younger than 10 years old should not get mobile phone beacause it can harmful for their spirit.

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Giving children phone after a certain age can help to avoid the possibility of children being harm.

Iris: we can say lower the possibility of children being harm by the online information??

# data[].attributes.body
Mobile phone can help children in their development as long as it is kid friendly.

# data[].attributes.body
Children under ten years old shouldn't get permittion to use mobile phones.

Iris; but why?? the controlling idea is missing from you TS

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People shouldn't ban the mobile phone to children as it is a vital tool for them to communicate with their parent.

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Children should be allowed to use mobile phone, because they need use it for daily communication with their parents.

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Children should not have a minimum age to get phone because mobile phones are convinient for children to communicate with others

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As the phone can be harmful to construction of mind set , children should not get in touch in phone under a certain age

Iris: good. this can be a clear TS.

But if we want to emphasise more on our attitude or make our attitude more clear, we would adjust the sequence of the sentence into :

children should not get in touch in phone under a certain age as the phone can be harmful to construction of mind set ,

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In this discussion post, I would like you to discuss whether you agree or disagree with the idea of setting a minimum age for when children can have a mobile phone. Explain your opinion.

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Children should be prohibited to hold their phones until they reach certain ages since certain harms could emerge if they do not do so.

Iris: i like most of your sentence. but the "certain harms" part make your TS unspecific

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The children who less than 10 years old are not suitable for giving them phone becasuse it can be harmful to children.

Iris: younger than 10 years old

also harmful to children in what way?

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Try to write one topic sentence for you discussion

make sure you have clear topic+ controlling idea

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Mobile phones are beneficial to the cultivation of children's social skills, also the hazards of mobile phones can be solved.

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Children can be permitted to have a mobile phone because it'll be convinient for them to communicate with their parents in school.

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Phone, as a tool for children to get access to different remote communication, should not be banned to children at any age.

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Mobile phone can benefit children by allowing them to communicate to their parent more efficiently, so mobile phone should not be restricted.

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Children should have a mobile phone as it can help them communicate with their parents.

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The use of phones of children should be permitted since it allows easier communication between children and parents.

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Mobile phone should not be restricted for young children as it can help children communicate with their parents.

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Permitting young children to be able to use kid friendly phones as the communication tool with their parents can be beneficial in various ways.

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Children should be allowed to use mobile phone freely, as it can develop their inner skills.

Iris: what do you refer to by saying "inner skills"? this is a rather general, board and unspecific terms.

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Children need to have a better perspective of the world through the internet, so a kid friendly mobile phone would be appropriate for them.

Iris: I see what you mean but this topic sentence is not straightforward enough to make your controlling idea stood out.

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Personally, children should be limited the access to phone before they reach certain age in order to protect them from accessing to the internet information too soon.

Iris: so you are sharing same attitude as Amy?

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I believe children that younger than ten should not allowed to have mobile phones because they may be addictive to it, which is harmful to their health

Iris: too detailed as you include addictive and harmful to their heath. Two controlling ideas. Should be just one

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Provide mobile phone to young children isn't an appropriate idea as the information and contents in the phone can be addictive and harmful.

Iris: the topic itself seems a bit off topic but can be modified and made into a good one!

A age limit for young children having mobile phones is necessary as the information and contents in the phone can be addictive and harmful.

but you will also need to specify "harmful to what perspective???

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Children should be able to use mobile phones without restrictions since it would enable them to develop their ability of self-control.

Iris: GOOD

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mobile phone is an useful tool which can increase the communication between children and their family.

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Having a mobile phone can help children developing their ability to learn and perspective of the world through Internet.

Iris: More related to the topic version goes to :

Children should be free on using mobile phones because they will be ....

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I think the younger children should not get moblie phone because they are too young to protect themself get hurts from the internet.

Iris: What kind of hurt?? should be more specific

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Children need to use mobile phones to learn more about the world and all aspects of knowledge and enhance their vision.

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In this scenario, I agree that mobile phone should only be allow when they are old enough that they can think critically, because this kind of action can help to avoid the harm of children being effect by inappropriate informations.

Iris: this topic sentence is toooooo detailed and way toooo long

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Mobile phones are a perfect way to cultivate the global vision and judgment skills of children. Also, the hazards of mobile phones can be solved and avoided by the controlling system and hence children can have independent thinking ability according to the events occur online.

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Although mobile phones can help children communicate better with parents in certain aspects, they can cause greater harm to them before entering youth because their self-control is relatively poor

Iris: good one but the "entering youth" seems a bit strange

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Personally, I strongly agree with Amy due to lack of experience in internet, they may be harmed by cyber bullying or online scams. Rory have a good point on communicating urgent matter when they are away from their parents. However, there is a thing called Managebac, which is a alternative and safe way to communicating online, even teachers support it. In conclusion, children who is younger than ten should be restricted on using their mobile phone.

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From my perspective, I firmly believe in Rory's idea. Children would need access to communicate when they are in emergencies, which means restrictions on mobile phones would and have to be removed. As a result, they can better communicate with their parents despite their remote locations from their parents. However, as Amy suggests, harms to children, on both mental and physical aspects, may occur as an outcome of using mobile phones. Therefore, as Rory proposes, alternatives of mobile phones - which are more suitable for kids - should be invented, which may maximize the benefit of usage of mobile phones of children.

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Children should have access to mobile phones, so that they can explore the world better

Iris: Nice structure

but what is the difference between a mobile phone and a laptop in terms of exploring the world.