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Bereavement is the experience of losing someone important to us. It's characterised by grief, which is the process and the range of emotions we go through when we experience a loss.

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The end of a relationship

The loss of a job

Moving away to a new location

A decline in the physical or mental health of someone you care about

Distressing world events

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1. Anticipatory grief- Anticipatory grief is a sense of loss that we feel when we're expecting the death of someone we care about.

2. Disenfranchised grief - Disenfranchised grief is a loss where someone feels unable to publicly mourn. This could be because of negative opinions or beliefs (stigma).

3. Secondary loss- When we lose someone important to us, this can lead to us losing other things too.

4. Collective grief- Collective grief can happen when a community experiences a loss together.

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Losing a pet

Pets can provide companionship, emotional support and unconditional love. Losing this can cause great sadness, especially if you have a strong bond with your pet. Or if they're your main companion. It can feel like losing a close family member.

Blue cross

https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss

CAT PROTECTION

https://www.cats.org.uk/what-we-do/grief

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Lives are transformed by the love and companionship pets bring. So, saying goodbye to one - whether due to death or separation - is always sad, difficult and often traumatic. It affects people in many ways.

But, remember, you are not alone. If you are grieving for a pet, or facing loss, our free and confidential Pet Bereavement Support Service (PBSS) is here for you by phone, email or webchat.

Our mission is to reach as many people as possible with compassion and understanding, so that no one goes through the pain of losing a pet alone.

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Lives are transformed by the love and companionship pets bring. So, saying goodbye to one - whether due to death or separation - is always sad, difficult and often traumatic. It affects people in many ways. But, remember, you are not alone.

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https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/bereavement/experiences-of-grief/

-Sadness or depression

-Numbness, denial or disbelief

-Confusion

-Anxiety and panic

-Anger

-Feeling overwhelmed

-Relief

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Denial - feeling shock, disbelief, panic or confusion - "How could this happen?", "It can't be true,"

Anger - blaming yourself, blaming others and hostility - "Why me?", "This isn't fair", "I don't deserve this,"

Bargaining - feeling guilty and having thoughts like "If only I had done more", "If I had only been..."

Depression - feeling tired, hopeless, helpless, like you have lost perspective, isolated or needing to be around others - "Everything is a struggle", "What's the point?"

Acceptance - acknowledging the loss and new circumstances. And being prepared to move forwards. Acceptance doesn't mean that you like the situation, or feel that it is right or fair.

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Giving ourselves space to feel our grief

Being able to cope with our daily life

Neither one of these things is more important than the other. And you don't need to 'complete' one to be able to do the other.

There may be times where you need to focus on your grief. You may find it helpful to express your emotions or spend time doing things to remember the person you've lost.

There may be other times where you need to focus on getting through the day or coping with daily responsibilities. In these situations, it may be more helpful to try and distract yourself from your feelings

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You may be given a mental health diagnosis if you experience:

Very strong feelings of grief for a long time and they get harder to cope with, rather than gradually getting easier

Intense and overwhelming experiences of grief that have an impact on your day-to-day living

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-Prolonged grief disorder

-Persistent complex bereavement disorder

-Complicated grief

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Over time most people start to adapt and feel better after someone dies. When someone becomes stuck or is still unable to cope after many months it is sometimes known as complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder.

What is complicated grief?

Feelings of sadness and hopelessness are really common after someone dies. Over time though, most people will start to adapt and feel better again. When this doesn't happen for many months or even years it is sometimes known as complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder. It is more likely to happen if someone's death was very tragic, traumatic or unexpected.

Our understanding of complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder is still growing. The terms are often used interchangeably and in the UK people are not usually given them as a diagnosis by a doctor. Not everyone agrees that grief can be a mental health issue. But we hope the following information will help you get extra help if you need it.

Prolonged grief disorder or complicated grief is when intense, long-lasting symptoms of grief, together with ongoing problems and difficulties in coping with life, go on for more than six months after someone dies.

What's the difference between complicated grief and depression?

In medical terms clinical depression is a condition where the feelings of being sad, low and hopeless last over weeks or months. These feelings often go together with anxiety. It's also common to feel like this after someone dies, and depression and bereavement can happen at the same time. You can read more about the signs of depression and options for treatment on the NHS website.

What does complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder feel like?

Complicated grief can be difficult to identify. There is a really wide range of feelings and physical effects that are very common after someone dies and grief is often hard for a very long time. But usually feelings do change over time - slowly becoming more manageable, or coming and going.

The following signs may mean you are suffering from complicated or prolonged grief.

Feeling stuck

If you feel stuck feeling one way for many months it can be a warning sign. You might still feel flattened by sadness the whole time, or maybe you still feel completely numb after many months have passed.

Not coping with life

It's normal to find it very difficult to get on with normal life after somone dies. But if you are struggling to feed yourself, shop for groceries or return to work after several months that can be a warning sign that you need more help.

No enjoyment in life

The pain of a close bereavment may never completely go away. But over time most people are able to take a break from their pain and slowly start to take part in and even enjoy some of their life.

If you find that the following are true for you may be experiencing complicated grief:

you've withdrawn from daily life

you're avoiding things that you would normally like

you can't find any enjoyment in anything

this lasts for a long period of time.

Very difficult feelings

There is a really wide range of feelings that are normal in grief but in complicated or prolonged grief these can be very intense and go on for a long time with no lessening or change in strength.

You may have difficult feelings of guilt or remorse.

You might spend a lot of time yearning for the person and wishing for the time back.

You might suffer from thoughts and feelings which feel stuck on a loop, with no respite.

You may feel like there is no meaning in life and that there is no hope for the future.

Rest and sleep can be very difficult.

When is complicated grief more likely?

There's still a lot more to learn about complicated grief, but the following things are risk factors:

How the person died: If the person died in a sudden or traumatic way this can affect the grieving process.

Your relationship with the person who died: If you were cut off from the person who died or you had fallen out recently, this might make grieving more difficult.

Family conflicts: Any existing family conflict can make things difficult. If you had difficult relationships with parents or carers when you were young that can also have an effect.

Loss of a child: If your child has died you may be more likely to experience complicated or prolonged grief.

Previous bereavements and other losses: If you've experienced other deaths in your past, particularly at an early age, this can make complicated grief more likely. Some people can experience grief overload, from multiple bereavements or from other losses, eg of home or job, or through divorce.

Mental health conditions: If you have an existing mental health condition then this can make the grieving process more difficult.

What people have found helps them

Grief is very individual and what helps is different for different people too. The following suggestions are what some bereaved people who have struggled with complicated or prolonged grief have found helps.

Keeping a steady routine

Keeping to a routine helps us stay as healthy and balanced as we can be in a difficult period. Try to rest and eat at regular times.

Self-compassion

Try to treat yourself kindly. It's OK to grieve because someone close has died, but know it's also OK to experience a bit of happiness. This might be tiny to start with: an old activity or a new one, a nice walk or anything which fills your mind with something that's not the grief.

Talking to friends, family or your community

Talking about how you're feeling can really help. Try to identify those people who you feel safe with and can trust to be able to be share or witness your grief. You might be able to find a support group of others who really understand what you are going through. Or get in touch with Cruse.

How can I get help with complicated grief?

Talk to friends, family or your community about how you're feeling.

Reach out to Cruse. Find out the ways we can support with grief.

Speak to your GP if you are concerned about ongoing mental health issues.

If you can access therapy, either via the NHS or privately this can help.

Depending on your circumstances, one of the organisations listed here may be able to help.

We're here to support you while you're grieving. Find out the ways we can help.

About Cruse

We help people through one of the most painful times in life - with bereavement support, information and campaigning.

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Complicated grief | Cruse Bereavement Support

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Skip to content Menu Over time most people start to adapt and feel better after someone dies. When someone becomes stuck or is still unable to cope after many months it is sometimes known as complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder. Feelings of sadness and hopelessness are really common after someone dies.

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AT A LOSS

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Things you can do to help

Order our Materials
Order posters or giveaway cards to signpost the bereaved to AtaLoss.org.

Order materials now

Tell us about your bereavement support service
Complete our form so we can include your organisation in our database.

I'm involved in a great service

Suggest a helpful resource or read for others
Is there something you've read that might help others?

I found this useful

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charity signposting to bereavement support

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Order our Materials Order posters or giveaway cards to signpost the bereaved to AtaLoss.org. Order materials now Tell us about your bereavement support service Complete our form so we can include your organisation in our database. I'm involved in a great service Suggest a helpful resource or read for others Is there something you've read that might help others?

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Applications are open for our 2023 TCS London Marathon team. Find out how we can support you.

Ways in which parents can say goodbye to their baby or child who has died.

Ресурси українською мовою - Translated information for those supporting bereaved children and young people.

Donate to Child Bereavement UK

When a child grieves or a child dies, lives are shattered. Please donate to help us support bereaved families.

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charity bereavement child death grief loss baby stillbirth miscarriage suicide young people

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Applications are open for our 2023 TCS London Marathon team. Find out how we can support you. Ways in which parents can say goodbye to their baby or child who has died. Ресурси українською мовою - Translated information for those supporting bereaved children and young people.

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We're here to help you no matter how long you've been grieving. Learn more about our different bereavement support services here.

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Talking about death and dying can be tough. Our resources will help you, your family and friends to start the conversation.

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We can point you in the right direction to find free or low-cost therapy.

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Understand your grief

Identify and express your feelings

Accept and understand that your feelings are valid

Explore ways of coping

Think about ways to move forward

Cope with birthdays and anniversaries of the loss

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It's normal for certain things to trigger difficult feelings or painful memories about your loss. Try taking note of what might affect your mood. This could help you gradually learn how to cope with triggers when they happen. You can track your feelings using an mood diary. You could use a pen and paper, or find a free online diary.

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https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/bereavement/support-and-self-care/#BereavementSupportOrganisations

These are some ideas you could try, although remember that different things may work at different times:

Cherish your memories and your relationship with the person who has died. You could find ways to include their memory in celebrations, talk to others about them, or spend time learning more about an interest or hobby they had.

Do things on behalf of the person you've lost, or in honour of them. For example, if there was somewhere they had always wanted to visit, you could go on their behalf. Or you could get involved with a fundraising or campaigning project in their memory.

Express your feelings through creativity. For example, through drawing, journalling, or taking photos.

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Find out where you can get support if you are experiencing grief. Read our tips to care for your own wellbeing and help yourself cope.

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4th ideas (The point we are currently focusing on...)

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4th ideas (The point we are currently focusing on...)

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Keep objects to remind you of the person. For example, you might want to wear an item of clothing or jewellery that belonged to them. Or carry a photo of them with you. Or you could make a memory box, filled with things that remind you of the person who has died, or of happy memories of them. This could be a favourite book, photos, letters, poems, notes to yourself, a cuddly toy or a perfume.

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In Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami, it is suggested that building relationships with others can help overcome loss. By recognizing and sharing responsibility, love, and connection within these relationships, one can find healing.

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Keep objects to remind you of the person. For example, you might want to wear an item of clothing or jewellery that belonged to them. Or carry a photo of them with you. Or you could make a memory box, filled with things that remind you of the person who has died, or of happy memories of them. This could be a favourite book, photos, letters, poems, notes to yourself, a cuddly toy or a perfume.

Remember that it's ok to feel happy and to find enjoyment in life. We can feel guilty about feeling happy when we've lost someone. But having positive emotions or good days doesn't mean we don't care or aren't still grieving.

Try new things, for example joining a club or volunteer group. Or starting a new hobby. Sometimes this can help distract us and give us something new to focus on.

Read or listen to stories from other people who have been through similar experiences. Sometimes this can help us to feel more understood and hopeful for the future. The Good Grief Trust has videos of people talking about their experiences of moving forward.