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A1 - It's a good start. Two things that might make this a bit stronger could be (1) double check spelling and punctuation. (2) To help you justify why the problem is worth solving in the second paragraph, please elaborate upon the example. Explain what happened, why it would have been significant to remember and share your learning, and then conclude by coming back to your main idea which is that this is a problem worth solving.

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"Your criterion A1 was very specific and justified the need for a problem by giving a personal example. However, the second paragraph could use a concluding sentence. It seems like your second paragraph ends suddenly."

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"Your criterion A1 was very specific and justified the need for a problem by giving a personal example. However, the second paragraph could use a concluding sentence. It seems like your second paragraph ends suddenly."

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Note from Mr. Alex:
Jacob would copy and paste this above from his private comments (it can be from Mr. Alex or a classmate). He is looking for feedback that might have been helpful to him. It might have been an entire sentence, a piece of a sentence, or a description of what someone said or did.

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"You can maybe decrease your paragraphs in A1 to make it simple and shorter for it would make the reader/audience read it easier"

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"You can maybe decrease your paragraphs in A1 to make it simple and shorter for it would make the reader/audience read it easier"

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Feedback from Mr. Alex:            "I see that you added Google Classroom as a product. I'm wondering if the problems that it's solving are connected to the problem that we're focusing on in A1. I would like you to go back and carefully consider whether or not this is a related and different problem, or if it is the same problem we're focusing on (remember and sharing your learning)."

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Feedback from Mr. Alex:            "I see that you added Google Classroom as a product. I'm wondering if the problems that it's solving are connected to the problem that we're focusing on in A1. I would like you to go back and carefully consider whether or not this is a related and different problem, or if it is the same problem we're focusing on (remember and sharing your learning)."

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Please make sure your 2nd paragraph about your research includes your A2 research too. I think it's missing the interview with your parents. So please do that interview, write down your notes in A2's research notes, and then include it in your A4.

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Here is your feedback from your peers from last class. What did this person do well? After telling them, please write it down here. He was able to prove why being able to know what to say is important.Jayden wrote the paragraphs in A4 really precise.He did well on making two needs on B1.What might this person consider?He should try adding more examples and supporting details to his major points.Jayden can add more details and add more examples to the paragraphs, he can also write more specificly in the broad requirments.He needs to write more needs and it would be better if he color coded his needs statement.If you were to use a command term to describe this work, which one might you say?explainJayden outlines some of the main findings of research.I would give a command term of state.

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Here is your feedback from your peers from last class. What did this person do well? After telling them, please write it down here. He was able to prove why being able to know what to say is important.Jayden wrote the paragraphs in A4 really precise.He did well on making two needs on B1.What might this person consider?He should try adding more examples and supporting details to his major points.Jayden can add more details and add more examples to the paragraphs, he can also write more specificly in the broad requirments.He needs to write more needs and it would be better if he color coded his needs statement.If you were to use a command term to describe this work, which one might you say?explainJayden outlines some of the main findings of research.I would give a command term of state.

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You can skip to the next slide, I think you did well for the slides A4, but maybe you can put some details for the “Visual Hierarchy” by researching some other websites except directly Google Sites?

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I recommend elaborating on your personal example in which you start to tell us about your presentation. (A1) ______________________________ I recommend you tell us about what a solution could have done for you in this situation. In other words, tell us more. Then connect it back to the need for this solution. (A2 p.1) ______________________________Please double check your in-text citations. Their formatting is sometimes too long. An in-text citation is something very short that's almost like a bookmark that tells us where to go if we want to learn more about that source. (A2 p.2) ______________________________Your new A3 products are focused and seem helpful. However, they seem to be the same product. I would like to encourage you to think laterally. (A3) ______________________________Please go back and focus on your 2nd paragraph. At the moment, it only contains 1 in-text citation. Here I would like to see a summary of all the things you learned in A2 and A3. (A4 p.1) _____________________________ Works Cited Page is pretty good looking. One small thing you can adjust is your sources should be alphabetized. Numbers go before letters, and it should be from smallest to largest. (A4 p.2)                                  

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I recommend elaborating on your personal example in which you start to tell us about your presentation. (A1) ______________________________ I recommend you tell us about what a solution could have done for you in this situation. In other words, tell us more. Then connect it back to the need for this solution. (A2 p.1) ______________________________Please double check your in-text citations. Their formatting is sometimes too long. An in-text citation is something very short that's almost like a bookmark that tells us where to go if we want to learn more about that source. (A2 p.2) ______________________________Your new A3 products are focused and seem helpful. However, they seem to be the same product. I would like to encourage you to think laterally. (A3) ______________________________Please go back and focus on your 2nd paragraph. At the moment, it only contains 1 in-text citation. Here I would like to see a summary of all the things you learned in A2 and A3. (A4 p.1) _____________________________ Works Cited Page is pretty good looking. One small thing you can adjust is your sources should be alphabetized. Numbers go before letters, and it should be from smallest to largest. (A4 p.2)                                  

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End of comments.

IMPORTANT:

Basically we must have feedback that reflects on what we did, not talking about small and unimportant stuff, and basically trying to get the big stuff done and fixed.

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A1 - Your ideas are very strong. Let's focus on the second paragraph, shall we? I would like you to focus on a few language conventions: (1) after a sentence ends, you should insert 1 space after the period. (2) Please proofread your work for your verb tenses and conjugations.

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"Overall, it's great! There are a few language areas I would like you to fix. Could you also proofread your second paragraph for other mistakes? My favorite trick is to read it aloud and use my ears to catch anything that doesn't quite sound right."

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A1 - This looks great! Let's look at the second paragraph. It's very strong up until the last sentence. It seems that this paragraph concludes a little too early. I recommend that you write a little bit more and tell us what it might have meant to you in that situation to be able to remember and share your learning. What would have happened if you had had a product to help you in that situation? After that 1-2 sentence explanation, you can conclude your paragraph.

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A1 - Let's focus on the second paragraph. Your ideas are good, so I would like you to focus on the language side of things. Here are a few things I would like you to pay close attention to: (1) let's avoid casual language with words like "gonna". Since this is a school assignment, we should try to use formal language. (2) Remember that when we end a sentence, we should have a space afterward, then the next sentence should start with a capital letter. A2 - You have a good first question, we just need to think of 1 more as the minimum. Second, I'm a little confused about why your only question is prioritized as "2". That means it's not so important to research, right? If that's the case, I wonder what you might want to focus on instead as a top priority question.A3 - I see you have provided a solution which was having university students help translate conferences. I wonder if this is solving the same problem... or perhaps a different problem. Remember, we are focusing on the problem of students remembering and sharing their learning. While this is a connected problem, it's a little bit different. Let's focus on how Eric can remember and share his learning. A4 - It doesn't appear to be done yet. Oops, we had 2 class periods to work on this. Is it confusing? If that's the case, I'm happy to help. Please take care to manage your time, Eric!A4 Works Cited Page - It looks great! Well done!Thank you!Mr. Alex

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A1 - Let's focus on the second paragraph. Your ideas are good, so I would like you to focus on the language side of things. Here are a few things I would like you to pay close attention to: (1) let's avoid casual language with words like "gonna". Since this is a school assignment, we should try to use formal language. (2) Remember that when we end a sentence, we should have a space afterward, then the next sentence should start with a capital letter. A2 - You have a good first question, we just need to think of 1 more as the minimum. Second, I'm a little confused about why your only question is prioritized as "2". That means it's not so important to research, right? If that's the case, I wonder what you might want to focus on instead as a top priority question.A3 - I see you have provided a solution which was having university students help translate conferences. I wonder if this is solving the same problem... or perhaps a different problem. Remember, we are focusing on the problem of students remembering and sharing their learning. While this is a connected problem, it's a little bit different. Let's focus on how Eric can remember and share his learning. A4 - It doesn't appear to be done yet. Oops, we had 2 class periods to work on this. Is it confusing? If that's the case, I'm happy to help. Please take care to manage your time, Eric!A4 Works Cited Page - It looks great! Well done!Thank you!Mr. Alex

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The rule:  A good feedback should explain clearly and should told him/her what should he or she change also a good feedback should told him/her

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I could cite the websites and links and also put more information in the slides.

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I could cite the websites and links and also put more information in the slides.

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"I would like you to go back and carefully consider whether or not this is a related and different problem, or if it is the same problem we're focusing on (remember and sharing your learning)."

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Mr. Alex's Feedback:               A2 - I noticed that there wasn't a priority list on the left of A2. You can check the speaker notes in the bottom to see how to do this. Second, I noticed that you used one of my questions from the exemplar. That's ok! But you should try to come up with 2 of your own questions. Since you have 1 now, you should add one more of your own.

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Mr. Alex's Feedback:               A2 - I noticed that there wasn't a priority list on the left of A2. You can check the speaker notes in the bottom to see how to do this. Second, I noticed that you used one of my questions from the exemplar. That's ok! But you should try to come up with 2 of your own questions. Since you have 1 now, you should add one more of your own.

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This feedback was helpful because it helped me think of another idea, and be more creative on the specific topic. Also, it had positive words and clear parts to improve on.

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A good feedback is very descriptive

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A1 - Great job writing! You've got a well organized second paragraph that has just about all the information you need to justify why this problem is worth solving. Toward the end, I left you a comment. I think in this section, it seems you conclude suddenly. You might add 1-2 more sentences explaining why this problem is worth solving to you; in other words, what might it have meant to you if you had had a solution to help you remember and share what you know at that time?

Note from Mr. Alex

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It's strong! You're currently explaining why this solution is worth solving. I recommend that you try to go a step further and provide a personal example. This will help you to justify why this example should be solved. It might be something you've experienced or seen, either will do!

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It's strong! You're currently explaining why this solution is worth solving. I recommend that you try to go a step further and provide a personal example. This will help you to justify why this example should be solved. It might be something you've experienced or seen, either will do!

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A1 - Let's focus on the second paragraph. This paragraph seems to be answering a different question that what the speaker notes shows. We should be focusing this paragraph on why we should solve this problem, not sharing other people who experience the problem. You should try focusing this second paragraph on a time that you might have forgotten what you had learned or when you struggled to share what you knew. That's our focus. You can look at the exemplar to see an example of what this might look like. 

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A1 - Let's focus on the second paragraph. This paragraph seems to be answering a different question that what the speaker notes shows. We should be focusing this paragraph on why we should solve this problem, not sharing other people who experience the problem. You should try focusing this second paragraph on a time that you might have forgotten what you had learned or when you struggled to share what you knew. That's our focus. You can look at the exemplar to see an example of what this might look like. 

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Mr. Alex's feedback was clear while being descriptive and also specific. His instructions were helpful for me.

My partner was clear in describing what to do. However, I think she should work on giving a little bit more detail and being specific.

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Mr.Alex's feedback, A1 - Great stuff! There are a couple language comments on the slide you can check out. Second, please add 1 more sentence before the second paragraph's conclusion. There, please talk about what it would have meant to you if you had had a tool to help you remember and share your learning.

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Mr.Alex's feedback, A1 - Great stuff! There are a couple language comments on the slide you can check out. Second, please add 1 more sentence before the second paragraph's conclusion. There, please talk about what it would have meant to you if you had had a tool to help you remember and share your learning.

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Please write the priority for your research questions. You can find notes about this in the speaker notes. (2) These two questions are from the exemplar. You can use them, but you should have 2 or more of your own questions too. (3) I noticed that there is only 1 research note page. You will need to add 3 more (one for your existing questions and two more for your two new questions). A3 - Your second product seems to be solving an unrelated problem. Remember, we are trying to solve the problem of remembering and sharing our learning. So please change your second product.

A4 - When I read your second paragraph, it seems that there isn't too much research to summarize. If you follow my steps that I mentioned in A2 and A3, you should be able to write a stronger paragraph that has many pieces of research. I recommend you also look at the exemplar because it shows how to write the second paragraph with "in-text citations" which it seems you forgot to include.

A4 Works Cited Page - it looks like this needs a bit more work. This should have all your sources from A2 and A3. At the moment I only see 1 item. After you follow my suggestions for A2 and A3, your Works Cited Page should have around 5 sources listed in alphabetical order.

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"You're on the right track to justify why this problem is worth solving. You can go a step further by explaining what it might mean to you to solve this problem. In other words, your second paragraph stops a little bit early. Tell us more."

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I think it's a great feedback because it shows the exact things I should change or remove.

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I think it's a great feedback because it shows the exact things I should change or remove.

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WHY IS THIS A GOOD FEEDBACK?
It shows me where I have to improve on. I was able to edit my writing easily.

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Good feedback is when you clearly state the problem

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A good feedback is something that directly addresses a problem and states the problem clearly.

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A good feedback is something that directly addresses a problem and states the problem clearly.

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Original                                 Hello Galim,Below is my feedback for Criterion A.A1 - You have a good start in A1 explaining the need for a solution. I recommend you try to justify with specific personal examples.A2 - There are quite a few spelling mistakes. You might notice them with the red line underneath them. One of the words to focus on is "information". I believe you have it spelled with an M by accident. Please also check the spelling of "author" on slide 13.Please also check that slide 12 has correct MLA citations. It seems that steps #2 and #3 are written in a different format. I recommend looking at the exemplar. A3 - This looks pretty good. I recommend that you check your spelling here too though. There are some red lines that could benefit from a careful reading. Second, I noticed that A3 goes off the bottom of the slides. If this happens, your work will be cut off when you share it with others. Please make sure everything is on the white part of the slides.A4 - Again, please check your spelling throughout this section. Paragraph 1 - please develop this a little bit more with detail. Paragraph 2 - I do not see in-text citations and references to what you learned in A2 and A3 yet. Please add them. Paragraph 3 says "pictures" and "communication" these two are unclear. Please try to be a little more specific with how these should look. Works Cited Page - this needs to have all of your sources from A2 and A3. Right now I only see 2 sources. For "Galim's Mom" please write this as an interview. You can follow the steps on easybib.com. For themust.com you can share your full MLA citation. You can see all of this from the exemplar. Please check it.  

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Original                                 Hello Galim,Below is my feedback for Criterion A.A1 - You have a good start in A1 explaining the need for a solution. I recommend you try to justify with specific personal examples.A2 - There are quite a few spelling mistakes. You might notice them with the red line underneath them. One of the words to focus on is "information". I believe you have it spelled with an M by accident. Please also check the spelling of "author" on slide 13.Please also check that slide 12 has correct MLA citations. It seems that steps #2 and #3 are written in a different format. I recommend looking at the exemplar. A3 - This looks pretty good. I recommend that you check your spelling here too though. There are some red lines that could benefit from a careful reading. Second, I noticed that A3 goes off the bottom of the slides. If this happens, your work will be cut off when you share it with others. Please make sure everything is on the white part of the slides.A4 - Again, please check your spelling throughout this section. Paragraph 1 - please develop this a little bit more with detail. Paragraph 2 - I do not see in-text citations and references to what you learned in A2 and A3 yet. Please add them. Paragraph 3 says "pictures" and "communication" these two are unclear. Please try to be a little more specific with how these should look. Works Cited Page - this needs to have all of your sources from A2 and A3. Right now I only see 2 sources. For "Galim's Mom" please write this as an interview. You can follow the steps on easybib.com. For themust.com you can share your full MLA citation. You can see all of this from the exemplar. Please check it.  

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This is a good feedback because it helped me understand well and

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Good feedback clearly states the thing that they should work on.

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Mr. Alex gave me specific feedbacks for A1 to improve. It was very helpful for me to revise my writing after reading this feedback. The feedback was clear and descriptive.

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A good feedback is something that has specific details and has examples. And also having what's good and what they need to work on. I also think that there has to be what's good or wrong about what the person is thinking. Lastly it has to be detailed.

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A good feedback is something that directly suggests a problem, and states the problem clearly.

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A good feedback is something that directly suggests a problem, and states the problem clearly.

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Note from Mr. Alex:
In this second post, Jacob writes a short rule about why the above was a good piece of feedback.

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This was a good information of feedback because i might not check my slides and i finally know i need to do that and it helped with the future criteria

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This was a good information of feedback because i might not check my slides and i finally know i need to do that and it helped with the future criteria

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A feedback should be very descriptive and specific. Also, the tone of the feedback should be in a kind tone. This feedback was specific on telling what was good or what was bad.

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Good feedback is when you clearly state the problem.

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A good feedback should include specific feedbacks for the peer. It should be helpful for the person to revise it. It should be descriptive and clear so that the person can understand.

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A good feedback is something that directly addresses a problem and states the problem clearly.

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A good feedback is something that directly addresses a problem and states the problem clearly.

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A good feedback when a feedback is speak directly

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Being specific and also clear, which makes us what to do for our design cycle.

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Bryan did well on describing the problem and an example of a solution for the first part of A4 (design brief).  I was able to understand the problem students are experiencing and what kind of solution is needed. I think that Bryan could maybe add more requirements for the product he is going to design. He can maybe add more requirements like does it need to be simple? Does it have easy access? What does the product need to contain? 

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Bryan did well on describing the problem and an example of a solution for the first part of A4 (design brief).  I was able to understand the problem students are experiencing and what kind of solution is needed. I think that Bryan could maybe add more requirements for the product he is going to design. He can maybe add more requirements like does it need to be simple? Does it have easy access? What does the product need to contain? 

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Great feedback!

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This is a good feedback because Mr. Alex gave me a specific feedbacks and directions that I could've done in A1. It was helpful because it was specific and it is well written so that I can understand more deeply. I also saw some feedbacks that I could've done by the suggestion Mr. Alex made.

-Good Feedbacks-
Good feedbacks need a specific details that I need to change or fix it so that I can change my idea of something.

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 a great feedback should be detailed while also telling me what I can work on to get better!

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 a great feedback should be detailed while also telling me what I can work on to get better!

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Also, it should be constructive so that it helps the reader to get better.

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Entry log: 2020/11/9, 12:27:05
Entry:

I believe that good feedback must be very good for describing what people's levels are while trying to be optimistic.

End of Entry.

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Good Feedback should help me be creative and help me improve.

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Good Feedback should help me be creative and help me improve.

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A good feedback should have advice that the reader can consider.

A good feedback should have some advice to inform the reader what to edit, erase, or add. Without advice, a feedback would be nothing more than just a comment.

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A good feed back should have detailed descriptions of what the person has to edit.

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Good feedback is when the information's problem is clearly described and what you could do to change the problem. It should be specific and justify the problem and what you could do/

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Good feedback is when the information's problem is clearly described and what you could do to change the problem. It should be specific and justify the problem and what you could do/

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Great feedback should have detail and informations.

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Great feedback should have detail and informations.

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Use language that would not hurt other's feelings.

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Good feedback is when the information's problem is clearly described and what you could do to change the problem. It should be specific and justify the problem and what you could do. It must be more than a sentence since it should be detailed.

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Good feedback is when the information's problem is clearly described and what you could do to change the problem. It should be specific and justify the problem and what you could do/

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This piece of feedback above was a good example of feedback because I learned that feedback should be in short form, but should contain a lot of information in order for the receiver to be able to understand and interpret the feedback clearly.