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Supporting Students, Staff, Families, and Communities Impacted by Violence 

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Supporting Students, Staff, Families, and Communities Impacted by Violence 

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Article & Podcast: Be Honest and Concrete: Tips for Talking to Kids About Death

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Article & Podcast: Be Honest and Concrete: Tips for Talking to Kids About Death

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My (Anya's) house is full of little reminders of Aunt Nancy.

When she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer two years ago, she was so unflinching about what that meant, so clear about how to use her remaining time. She made plans to see her grandnieces in between treatments, and she passed along little items sure to delight them, like a gilded old mustard tin full of embroidery thread, beads and other saved-up treasures.

At the end of April, we got word she was on home hospice care. We planned a last visit. Times being what they are, it took place over Zoom. Nancy sat up in bed, glasses looking owlish on her gaunt face. There was everything and nothing to say. Then my 3-year-old proposed a cuddle. On opposite sides of the screen, we merged into one family hug.

A week later she was gone.

The Jewish rituals of mourning are premised on presence. You show up, bearing food, to bring comfort when words are no good. We drove to my mother-in-law's house - Nancy's big sister - for the first time since the lockdown began, setting our gifts of baked pasta, cookies and challah in the garage. We sat on the lawn, 6 feet apart, wearing masks. The girls played in the garden.

The United States has marked the horrible milestone of over 100,000 deaths from the coronavirus. How do we find the words to confront this kind of loss? How do we help our children do the same, especially without access to the kinds of rituals and gatherings that may have given comfort in the past?

Back in 1983, the show Sesame Street offered some help in what would become one of the show's most famous episodes. It was broadcast on Thanksgiving Day, when show executives knew grown-ups would be home watching with their kids.

The show's writers were responding to the real-life death of Will Lee, the actor who played Mr. Hooper, the grandfatherly figure who ran Sesame's corner store. They could have written his character a happy ending, but they decided to confront the truth head-on.

"Mr. Hooper's not coming back," one of the adult cast members, Susan, told Big Bird. All the adults were there, gathered in a semicircle.

"Why not?" Big Bird asked.

"Big Bird, when people die, they don't come back," Susan told him.

"Ever?"

"No. Never."

"Well," Big Bird said, his voice fluttering with fear and confusion, "why not?"

What followed is a master class in how to talk with young children about death. We revisited that episode with Rosemarie Truglio, a developmental psychologist and the senior vice president of curriculum and content at Sesame Workshop, and together we distilled it to a handful of useful takeaways for parents.

1. Be honest and concrete.

When it comes to describing the w hat of death to kids - what exactly happens to our bodies and what that means - Truglio says it's important to be straightforward. That's because children often struggle to grasp death's permanence. And parents only complicate matters when they resort to euphemisms. In fairness, we do this to soften the blow for kids, but Truglio says euphemisms can confuse and even scare children

"Passed away. We're sorry for your loss. Went on a long, long journey." Truglio says each of these phrases sends the wrong message to kids. The dead don't pass, get lost or pack a bag and start walking.

Especially problematic are the words parents often use, as mine (Cory's) did, when a pet is euthanized.

"We put the dog to sleep. That's a really big one," Truglio says, explaining that this is how kids hear those words: "If you're telling me now that the dog went to sleep and is not going to wake up and died, well, I go to sleep every night. Am I going to die?"

Instead, Truglio says, be perfectly clear:

"When you die, your heart stops. Your body stops working. You don't eat. You don't breathe - to give more concrete information about what is the meaning of death," Truglio says.

2. Take things slowly.

Kids process death in bits and pieces, over time, Truglio says. Don't sit them down once, overwhelm them with information and expect them to internalize it all.

Parenting a child through death requires patience and persistence. You may explain, clearly and in concrete terms, that Grandma has died and, three days later, be asked, "When's Grandma coming back?"

Truglio says a hospice social worker who specialized in talking with children about death once likened this process to the way a child eats an apple:

"They take a bite, maybe two bites, then put it down," Truglio says. "That's probably how they're going to experience death as well. They're gonna take a couple of bites. They're gonna go on with their lives. And then they're gonna come back, and they're gonna take a couple more bites."

3. It takes a village.

Often, the death of a loved one can be destabilizing for a child, not simply because that person will no longer be in their lives but because it can stir deep fears of being alone or abandoned. That's why, Truglio says, when a child is mourning, make sure the child knows "that there are many people in their lives - there are grandparents, there are aunts, there are uncles, there are some really, really good friends who are like family."

In short, Truglio says, kids need to be reassured: "You will always be cared for."

4. Grown-ups, it's OK to cry.

One of the most powerful moments in Sesame Street's half-century history came as actor Bob McGrath, who played a music teacher on the show, took his turn consoling Big Bird.

"You're right, Big Bird. It'll never be the same around here without [Mr. Hooper]. But you know something?" McGrath said through tears, his voice halting. "We can all be very happy that we had a chance to be with him and to know him and to love him a lot when he was here."

It was a remarkably tender and honest display of emotion between an adult - who was, in fact, mourning his friend and colleague - and the childlike Big Bird. And this, Truglio says, sent a powerful message to parents and kids alike.

"It's important for children to see us grieve," Truglio says. "We're gonna cry, and I think that you need to explain why you're crying. This isn't gonna be just a one-time event."

That's especially true if you, the parent, are mourning the death of someone close to you. This will be a long process. Showing emotion and explaining the feelings that underlie those emotions help prepare children for future moments when you may, again, feel overwhelmed by grief.

5. The funeral rule.

For the time being, many funerals are being postponed or held online or are limited to immediate family members. This may make it easier for parents who struggle with whether to bring children. When it comes to funerals, Sesame's Truglio has this advice: Give kids a choice.

"You should never say, 'You have to do this,' or make them feel guilty if they choose not to participate," Truglio says. "You need to give them that wiggle room. You can't force them."

But tell them what to expect, whatever they choose. So, if you're going to a funeral with an open casket, explain what that will mean. Again, be clear and concrete. Then let the child decide if she thinks she's ready for that.

In my (Anya's) family, a rabbi came to my mother-in-law's yard to say a few words while a few dozen mourners watched on Zoom from different parts of the country. The girls were able to join for about 20 minutes, and when they got fidgety, we simply urged them off camera.

6. Keep the hope alive.

Finally, Truglio says, it's important to convey to your child that "life is going to go on. We're going to be OK. It's a tough time right now, but we have things to look forward to."

One activity she recommends is having your child trace her hand on a sheet of paper and, for each finger, ask her to list something that she's looking forward to. It could be camping in the backyard or baking a favorite dessert. The point, Truglio says, is to keep the hope alive.

The folks at Sesame Street did this beautifully with Big Bird. At the end of the emotional Mr. Hooper episode, Big Bird sits quietly in his oversize nest. Suddenly, he's visited by the show's grown-ups, who introduce him to a new baby on the street.

Big Bird is thrilled by the visit, fawns over the baby and then drops this famously hopeful last line: "Gee, you know what the nice thing is about new babies?" Big Bird asks. "One day they're not here, and the next day, here they are!"
Resources: Sesame Street in Communities (SSIC) - Helping Kids Grieve
SSIC Offering Comfort
SSIC Self-Care Listen to all of Life Kit's For more Life Kit, This story was originally published on April 26, 2019. sign up for our weekly newsletter. Parenting: Difficult Conversations episodes.

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Be Honest And Concrete: Tips For Talking To Kids About Death

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Whether it's a family pet or a loved one, every child will experience a death at some point - and their parents will likely struggle to explain it. We revisit the Mr. Hooper episode of Sesame Street, which provides a master class in talking about death and grief with young children.

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Supporting Students After Crisis and Loss

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The majority of children experience the death of a loved one or friend before they graduate from...

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Learn practical suggestions for how school professionals can initiate a conversation with students who have recently experienced the death of a close family member or friend. This information is relevant whether you are a school leader who will be reaching out to a student or family member to express condolences and offer supportive services on behalf of the school, a teacher welcoming a student back to class after a loss, or another school professional offering condolences or support.

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"A lot of my teachers, actually, did not do a lot, which was not helpful at all. It makes you feel kind of awkward, makes you feel very, very alone, very not understood." (Student)

School professionals make a world of difference when they reach out to grieving students. This module describes ways students benefit from grief support. It provides strategies for starting a conversation with a student. It identifies common and well-meaning statements that may not be helpful, then offers alternatives to help you feel confident your conversation will be constructive. It outlines ideas for sustaining helpful conversations over time and suggests ways to build effective support among peers when a classmate experiences the death of a close family member or friend. The video includes interviews with students, educators and administrators, as well as four simulated encounters with actors that model approaches educators can use in different situations.

View the video by chapters:

Why you should reach out to grieving students

Strategies for starting the conversation

Navigating reluctance and communicating with empathy

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Talking With Children - Coalition to Support Grieving Students

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Practical strategies for initiating a conversation with a student who has recently experienced the death of a close family member or friend.

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Talking to Kids about Tragedies (Such as Shootings and Terror Attacks)

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Talking to Kids about Tragedies (Such as Shootings and Terror Attacks)

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Apart of Me is available for free from the App Store and the Play Store. This ground-breaking mobile game which helps young people cope with life-limiting illness, death and loss.

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Update!

Apart of Me is now available for free from the App Store and the Play Store. Visit apartofme.app for more details.

Apart of Me is a ground-breaking mobile game which helps young people cope with life-limiting illness, death and loss.

The Game Helps Young People By

Developing emotional literacy and wisdom around death

Sharing stories from other people in similar situations

Providing tailored mindfulness meditations by the rockpool

Encouraging important and difficult conversations with loved ones using in-app quests

What next?

Bounce Works has now donated all of the Intellectual Property behind Apart of Me to a UK Charitable Incorporated Organisation, also known as Apart of Me.

This new organisation is not-for-profit and officially registered with the Charity Commission of England and Wales ( Charity Number: 1194613). Although originally established by the founders of Bounce Works, it now continues the development of Apart of Me under the guidance of a group of independent Trustees with the help of over a hundred dedicated volunteers.

Apart of Me continues to help bereaved young people in the UK and worldwide and the Charity has big plans for the next stage of its journey, visit apartofme.app to find out more.

How can I help?

Donate

You donation will help us provide Apart of Me to as many people as possible. Make a contribution, securely at apartofme.app.

Apart of Me is a registered UK charity no. 1194613

Volunteer

We're always grateful to have volunteers who can help us with our mission. If you have skills in fundraising, marketing, UX or games development or if you think you can help us in anyway please visit our volunteering page.

Spread the word

You can help a lot by promoting our campaign by sharing it with your friends on social media or any other way you see fit! See apartofme.app for details.

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Apart of Me - Helping families talk about death

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Apart of Me is now available for free from the App Store and the Play Store. Visit apartofme.app for more details. Apart of Me is a ground-breaking mobile game which helps young people cope with life-limiting illness, death and loss.

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Kai's Journey: A Book Series about Grief, Strength, and Love

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Kai's Journey: A Book Series about Grief, Strength, and Love

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Kai’s Journey is a FREE film and book series that is dedicated to children and families who have experienced the death of a loved one. The series strives to provide guidance and support as they embark on this lifelong journey of learning to better understand, process, and communicate their grief.

This free discussion guide offers tangible insights and tools to help promote productive conversations about grief through the challenging and important themes in the series.

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Billy's Place is a community in the West Valley of Phoenix that provides comfort and companionship to kids and families experiencing grief-no matter where they are on their journey. Through support groups, special events, and a community of people who 'get it,' they help families rediscover moments of happiness without guilt. They nurture these moments as signs of hope for more promising days ahead.

Groups include family groups for kids who have lost a sibling, parent, or significant person in their lives, Young Adult Groups, a kids-only kicking back night, and a Traumatic Loss group which is those who have lost a loved one due to suicide, drug overdose, or homicide.

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Kai's Journey - A Series for Families Navigating Grief | New York Life Foundation

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Billy's Place is a community in the West Valley of Phoenix that provides comfort and companionship to kids and families experiencing grief-no matter where they are on their journey. Through support groups, special events, and a community of people who 'get it,' they help families rediscover moments of happiness without guilt.

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Death and Loss: Helping Children Manage their Grief

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Death and Loss: Helping Children Manage their Grief

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Supporting Your Child after the death of a family member or friend

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Supporting Your Child after the death of a family member or friend

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Children may not have experienced a loss before. They may not understand what the loss or their reaction means. They may be unsure how to act or respond. Even children who have had prior losses will still be deeply affected. This handout offers advice to parents and other caregivers about how to support children who are grieving.

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Resorting a Sense of Safety in the Aftermath of a Mass Shooting: Tips for Parents and Professionals

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Resorting a Sense of Safety in the Aftermath of a Mass Shooting: Tips for Parents and Professionals

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Over the past decade, the Commonwealth of Virginia has led the nation in efforts to implement threat assessment procedures in institutions of higher education and pre-K-12 public schools. In 2008, the Virginia General Assembly passed legislation requiring public institutions of higher education to establish threat assessment teams with the goal of preventing violence on campus by assessing behaviors and intervening with individuals who may pose a threat to campus safety. In 2013, the Virginia General Assembly enacted legislation requiring all public school divisions to establish and operate threat assessment teams in support of their schools- making Virginia the first state in the country to require such action.

With the requirement of threat assessment mandates, the General Assembly also directed the Virginia Center for School and Campus Safety (VCSCS) to study the application and implementation of threat assessment, develop model policies, procedures, and resources on threat assessment, and provide training to support institutions of higher education and pre-K-12 public schools. To satisfy these requirements, the VCSCS worked hand in hand with research partners, service providers, and subject matter experts to provide resources for schools, campuses, and law enforcement.

Since the passage of legislation which mandated the creation of a threat assessment team in all Virginia public schools, threat assessment has been a hot, and oftentimes confusing, topic. To assist, the VCSCS published model policies and procedures and l egal updates for threat assessment teams, and offers basic threat assessment and legal issues training.

Virginia C.A.R.E.S.

To assist schools in explaining threat assessment and reporting to students, parents, and staff, VCSCS launched Virginia C.A.R.E.S. Virginia C.A.R.E.S. is a multi-pronged approach to engagement and awareness in schools that includes videos and resources on threat assessment. The campaign works to build Caring, Awareness, Recognition, Engagement, and Support in Virginia schools. K-12 Threat Assessment in Virginia: A Prevention Overview for School Staff, Parents, and Community Members and K12 Threat Assessment in Virginia Schools, an instructional video for school staff, parents, and community members are now available.

Frequently Asked Questions

Higher Education
Virginia Code states that each public institution of higher educations must establish a threat assessment team that includes representatives from law enforcement, mental health professions, student affairs, human resources, and if available higher education counsel. The purpose of the team is to implement assessment, intervention, and action policies such as recognition of threatening behaviors and threat reporting mechanisms. The teams are also required to establish relationships with local and state law enforcement and mental health agencies to assist in assessment and intervention.
Pre-K-12
Per Virginia Code, all Virginia pre-k-12 public schools must be covered by a threat assessment team and each school board must adopt policies for the assessment of individuals and students whose behavior may pose a threat to the safety of the school. Each team must include persons with expertise in counseling, instruction, school administration, and law enforcement. The team should work to provide guidance to students, faculty, and staff on recognizing threatening behavior, identify members of the school community to whom threats should be reported, implement threat assessment policies and procedures, and report data on threat assessments to VCSCS. For a quick overview of threat assessment in Virginia's pre-K-12 schools, check out the VCSCS video: An Overview of Threat Assessment Prevention.

A threat assessment is a fact-based process emphasizing an appraisal of observed (or reasonably observable) behaviors to identify potentially dangerous or violent situations, to investigate/assess them, and to manage/address them.

The goal of threat assessment is to determine if the subject is on a pathway to violence. The overall goal of threat assessment is to ensure the safety of all involved.

VCSCS Threat Assessment Resources

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Over the past decade, the Commonwealth of Virginia has led the nation in efforts to implement threat assessment procedures in institutions of higher education and pre-K-12 public schools. In 2008, the Virginia General Assembly passed legislation requiring public institutions of higher education to establish threat assessment teams with the goal of preventing violence on campus by assessing behaviors and intervening with individuals who may pose a threat to campus safety.

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Supporting Our Communities Through the Uvalde Tragedy

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Supporting Our Communities Through the Uvalde Tragedy

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The Northwest MHTTC's School Mental Health Team has curated some additional free resources to support youth, staff, communities and district systems to support our region as we respond to these traumatic events.

Want more information and school mental health resources? Visit the Northwest MHTTC's School Mental Health page and sign up for our newsletter for regular updates about events, trainings, and resources available to the Northwest region.

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Supporting Our Communities Through the Uvalde Tragedy | Mental Health Technology Transfer Center (MHTTC) Network

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The Northwest MHTTC's School Mental Health Team has curated some additional free resources to support youth, staff, communities and district systems to support our region as we respond to these traumatic events. Want more information and school mental health resources?

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Helen: Welcome back to another episode of Notes from the Backpack, a PTA podcast. I'm your cohost, Helen Westmoreland, Director of Family Engagement at National PTA.

LaWanda: And I'm LaWanda Toney, your cohost and Director of Strategic Communications at National PTA. Today we're discussing how to talk to kids about gun violence and school safety.

National PTA has been advocating for gun reform for decades. Right now, along with their ABCs, kindergarteners are singing songs to remind them to run and hide during active shootings. This is our reality. Lock downs and school shootings have become almost commonplace.

Helen: More so, many families actually feel comforted knowing that their children and children's teachers are prepared for the worst.

But recently people have begun to question these new school safety measures. The two largest teacher's unions just released a statement providing guidance that advocates against active shooter drills for students and teachers. There's a lot at stake with this issue, and parents on both sides of the debate are feeling scared, overwhelmed, and uncertain how to approach this topic with their child.

LaWanda: Helen, this topic really hits home for me as a mom. My son came home last year and told me he had a lockdown drill that day. I had no idea it was happening and I felt totally unprepared to have that conversation with him. That's why today we are welcoming an expert, Dr. Edith Bracho-Sanchez, to help us navigate these challenging conversations with our children.

Helen: That's right. Dr Edith Bracho-Sanchez is a pediatrician and the director of pediatric telemedicine at Columbia University. She is a contributing writer at CNN, where she's written several articles on gun violence and school safety. She also has a podcast of her own, Las Doctoras Recomiendan, where she and her expert guests offer advice in Spanish on children's health.

LaWanda: Thank you so much for talking with us today, Dr Edith. Let's jump right in. Tell us about yourself. How did you get into the medical profession and what inspired you to focus on children?

Edith: Sure. So nice to be with you guys today. So I am originally from Caracas, Venezuela. I came to the United States when I was 16. I never really thought I was going to be a doctor. There's a lot of people in this world that say, I'm going to be a doctor at a very early age, or I want to be a doctor. That was definitely not me. I was a curious child. I was curious I think most of all about people. And then I realized that I was pretty good at the math and science. And then I think eventually, the two sort of came together and I chose to go into the medical field.

I was not interested at all in working with children when I first started in the medical field. But I think it was the, the realization that if we are going to actually impact someone's life, it has to happen early. And there were so many instances in my training where I just would stand there and say to myself, what in the world happened to this person, to this adult that led to all of these horrendous things down the line? And why did no one do anything to prevent this?

And so slowly but surely, I, I geared towards pediatrics really out of that need to do something early. and now of course, looking back, there's nothing else I would rather do. And I was always meant to do this.

LaWanda: That's excellent. Tell us a little bit more about how you began writing for the impact of gun violence, the epidemic on our kids.

Edith: Yeah. So, you know, I, I write about a number of issues that impact children, and I think it is undeniable that gun violence and even indirectly, preparing for gun violence in this new reality that our children in this country are facing is impacting their health and it's impacting their future.

And I think parents and teachers are sort of left to figure it out in a lot of, in a lot of circumstances. And so I wanted to really start talking to the leaders in the field and start talking to the people that are sort of going through and helping to design standards and guidance.

And asking, you know, how are you guys coming up with this guidance? How can we get it out there to parents and to teachers who are having to make these decisions every day? And so, and, and sort of asking those questions and, and out of that need to get it out to parents, I landed on, on writing and now have been applying some of those concepts in my own practice and in my own clinic.

Helen: Thank you, Edith. And you talked about sort of just the overwhelming decisions that are facing schools around safety. And I think on the parent's side, even just their vernacular of what actually school safety measures look like from lockdown drills, active shooting drills, to other safety measures.

Could you give us just a little bit of 101? What are some of the most frequently used school safety and gun violence prevention measures that schools are using? And what do those look like when they, when they occur?

Edith: Sure. So I think a lot of us, you know, when we think about drills and lock downs, we think about the active shooter drills, in which unfortunately, and I say unfortunately, because this should not be happening in this country at all in this day and age, but unfortunately, schools have contracted or hired outside consultants to come mimic real life scenarios. So that is at one end of the, of the spectrum, these active shooter real life simulations that are happening with the help of outside contractors. And we've heard stories of teachers and students being lined up and shot with, with pellet guns and, and the sorts.

At the other end of the spectrum, I think are the every day measures that we don't necessarily realize or don't necessarily categorize as school safety. But I, I call it the 'hardening of schools'. When I went to school and I went to high school, you know, as soon as I got to this country. And I don't really remember a police officer in my school. I think there were trained school professionals who had the expertise to sort of navigate a crisis and talk down students. And do the sort of every day crisis management that, that students that are seasoned have been trained to do.

And I think more and more, we have moved in this country towards placing the police officers, the metal detectors. So those those hardening measures. So that is at the other end of the spectrum, the every day, subtle little hardening of schools. And I think in between those two spectrums are the, the fire drills, the lockdown drills that are not necessarily real life scenarios, but are nevertheless present and an active part of, of school preparation, I should say.

LaWanda: That's so interesting. The range and how vast, the different safety kind of protocols are. Is there a best practice when it comes to school safety protocols, especially from a children's health perspective?

Edith: I often encourage people to take a step back and think about who is being affected by these practices. Right? And I think we need to remember that it's both children and teachers who are affected by practices.

I think. It's, it's easy for people to realize that kids come to school with very varied levels of skills and abilities and, and they, you know, some kids are ready to roll and they're ready to learn and, and do whatever task is at hand. Some kids need a little bit of help, right? Like, that's an easy concept to grasp.

I think when it comes to trauma, we don't always realize which one of the kids has been exposed to some underlying trauma or even which one of the teachers has been exposed to some underlying trauma. It's not as easy to tell, but the, the range exists and it's there nevertheless.

We are impacting both children and teachers, and we need to remember that when it comes to best practices, we need to think about the teacher and the student who is coming to school with underlying trauma because of domestic violence, because of neighborhood violence, because of any sort of violence that they have been exposed to prior to coming to school. And we need to think about how do we best nurture that student and how do we prevent the triggering of trauma in that student. And then how do we prevent trauma in students who otherwise haven't really been exposed to it? And so the two things have to go into consideration. We have to avoid triggering, and we have to prevent future trauma in kids who haven't really been exposed to it.

And so with that in mind, then we can get into, okay. How do we best assign these programs? And I think, you know, something that, that has really resonated with me in, in speaking with, with people around the country who work on these issues every single day, is we forget to include the students and the teachers.

So we have to start by asking what makes you feel safe? And ask the students themselves, the kids who are spending every day in that school, in that environment. And then from there. We can sort of bring in the experts, we can bring in the expert security people, we can bring in the mental health professionals and work together.

And then ultimately when we create things like lockdown drills and we design these activities, we have to, we do need to come up with rules. And that's with the statement that you guys mentioned at the beginning that the, the two largest, one of the two largest teachers unions just put out recently is that guidance, right? When it comes to lock down drills and active shooter drills.

And, and it says there should be no simulations, right? That mimic real life events. Parents and teachers need to be given advanced notice. The content of the drill has to be developmentally appropriate. The drill should be coupled with trauma informed approaches to ensure that you know, students' wellbeing is being per served. And that includes things like giving students a chance to debrief, like after the event, let's, let's create safe spaces. And then I would stress again, you know, including them in all of this planning.

LaWanda: Yeah. I think those are great ideas. I didn't think about the teacher as much as I thought about my child and the students and how they're effective, but effected... But I think that that makes perfect sense. I mentioned at the top of the podcast that I just felt so taken aback when Caleb came home and he said, mom, we had a lockdown drill and it's a blue code. When they say code blue, everyone has to be quiet and get under their desk. And I was really scared and I didn't know how to ask another question without feeling like, am I making this a big deal? You know, am I going to make him more fearful if I continue to ask questions? I was just so unprepared for how to ask the questions to someone who hasn't dealt with any trauma. Can you talk a little bit about that? Like, what advice would you give to a parent like me, to address the school and then to also address my child.

Edith: Yeah. I think, you know, I'm so glad you, you bring that up and I'm so glad that you're sharing your own experience because I think your experience is one that I have heard in an interview in parents, you know, across the country and in my own clinic.

It's sort of like the shock of like, oh my gosh, I didn't know this was going to happen and my child is actually affected by this. What do I do?

So I think. Ideally, when I say parents should be given advanced notice, it's really, I mean, on February, whatever, March, whatever we are planning a lockdown drill, your child won't be asked to do X, Y, Z, right? Like, that is like very explicit time, dates, specifics of the drill need to be given to parents. And I think if your school, you know, for, for you and for anyone who's listening, if your school doesn't do that, you have every right to ask right? Like hey, I'm a little bit you know concerned, or where I'm a little bit, or I'd like to be involved.

[00:13:07] Even just saying that. I'd like to be involved when you guys are planning these things. I don't see why a school would not welcome that. And I hope that they do. And if they, and if they don't, then we have other issues.

But that is something that the school should be welcoming of. And, and, you know, parent engagement is always something that schools want and strive for. So, so I don't see any downsides to doing that. But then if you find yourself in that position, and many parents do, I think it's, it's taken a step back and listening.

And I'm so glad your child told you that, right? Like so many kids don't say anything. So you have already done something right because your child is coming to you and saying, hi, at school we did X, Y, Z, and I was scared. He knows the name of the emotion. He knows to tell you that something happened, right? And you can start the conversation from that.

And even just simple questions, I think, you know, parents, just like you mentioned, are scared to, oh my gosh, am I making it a big deal or am I going to create even further trauma by just asking him? And the answer is absolutely not. Just like when we ask kids about other emotions, like when we ask kids about depression, when we ask kids about other hard topics. it's, you know, asking, does it put it in their head. I think there's, there so frequently that fear, but it is absolutely unfounded. And I just want to empower you to keep that conversation and keep asking, oh, what happened? How did you feel? And then if they tell you, I was scared. Try not to, our our urge as adults is to say, don't be scared, but try not to try not to say, don't be scared.

Kids are going to be what they are. I think you can tell them why you are not scared. Right? Like, Oh, well gosh, your school is such a safe space. Like that, that type of language, but allowing them to sort of own their emotions.

Helen: Edith, LaWanda and I have talked about this, as it relates to her son, but I think it also brings up for me just this feeling as a, as a parent or a guardian of a child that maybe the school does know best. And you mentioned, some of the spectrum of things that schools are doing to prevent gun violence from, you know, actively simulating what it might be like to be in a mass shooting, to sort of what, LaWanda's son has gone through, which is more of a lockdown drill. And then you talked about sort of the hardening with police officers.

Could you give our listeners a little bit of your sort of expertise being a pediatrician on what the research says of sort of these different things? Cause I'm assuming, you know, when you hear the teacher's union say like, we shouldn't do this, but we should do this, that there's some research behind it.

Could you, could you equip some of our families? Should they just feel like, why is our school doing this? It's not, it's not a good practice. To help them decide and advocate for what they think is right.

Edith: Yeah. So unfortunately, I wish, I wish I had data and studies to share with you. And this is the scary part about all of this, is that we have no data. And to schools that are left to do whatever they can to prepare, I can't imagine this being easy. So I think, you know, we do, we do know from speaking to families around the country and speaking to experts in trauma.

That we are starting to trigger some trauma in children. I think that is not really here being debated in any way. I think the question is how do we not, right? Like how do we not trigger trauma? Until we figure out the best practices, we can at a minimum, not trigger trauma.

So your school may be experimenting, although I hate that word when it comes to children and best practices. But they may be seeing what works and working with expert companies. And I think it's on us, the adults to understand where that expert guidance is coming from.

Because some of these, some of these companies, again, because there is no data, are sort of using experts' advice. And so we have to really educate ourselves in who are these experts and what are, what are, you know, what is their true expertise?

LaWanda: Can we shift gears just a little bit? We sent a note out to our listeners just asking them if they had any questions about school safety and gun violence. And it gave us a couple of scenarios. Are you okay with us throwing out the scenarios and you providing some advice or recommendations?

Edith: Of course.

LaWanda: Okay, let's do it.

Edith: Let's do it.

LaWanda: So here's one. It says, I'm a parent of a third grader. I received an email home that the school is doing their first lockdown drill of the year tomorrow. What, if anything, should I say to my child so they are prepared?

Edith: Yeah. So start with, that's such a great question. So start with say, do you know where your lockdown drill is, right? I think kids sometimes know a lot more than we realize. So start by asking, what do you know about lockdown drills? What have you heard? And that gives you a sense. That gives you a really good sense sometimes of what they have heard from TV, from their schools, from social media, whatever it may be, and then from there you can build, right.

You can correct and you can build. You can say, no, actually this is what a lockdown drill is, or this is what you can expect to happen at school, and then we'll talk about it tomorrow. I think a lot of times parents think that that this is a one time fit it all in type of conversation. And really it isn't, this is something that you're building on every day.

You're going to have the chance. I'm glad that this mom is going to have the chance to talk to her third grader beforehand. And then, you know, when the third grader comes home, the day of the lockdown, you can revisit the conversation and the day after if necessary. So it's an, it's an ongoing conversation.

Helen: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. So I've got a question that came in from the father of a seventh grader, saying that his son was asking a lot of questions about school shootings, and expressing fear that one might happen at his school. So the father wanted to know, how do I comfort my child, and ease their anxiety about you know how realistic it is that their school shooting will happen while still being honest.

Edith: Yeah, and, and I love that this parent is striving for honesty, because honesty is always important with our kids, but it becomes even more important when we have teenagers.

They, you know, parents sometimes think that teens are not coming to them for advice. But truly you are the main source of information for your teen. And if at any point you lie, you sort of lose a little bit of credibility and respect. So with honesty in mind, I think it is fair for this parent to say to this seventh grader, you know, school shootings are a reality in our country these days. However, they are still extremely rare when we look at the numbers and when we look at the percentage of schools that have been affected. So you can say it is extremely unlikely that your school will be affected by this.

Possible, and it is a reality in our country, but extremely unlikely. And these are the steps that your school has taken. And that is where being educated beforehand on the steps that the school has taken, may come in handy. And then say, you know, are you, are you scared? And what are you feeling about this? And again, fighting that urge to correct the emotion.

Helen: Hmm. And do you have any advice, particularly around what this parent could offer their child to ease their anxiety? Just living in that sense of, of fear. What are some things parents could do if their child is scared to go to school?

Edith: Yeah. So I think any time we are uncertain and fearful about something that we have no control over. And this is one of those situations that we just, we simply can't control all of the time.

I think focusing on the things that are under our control. Like saying, you know, it is, it is on us and it is on the school to create an environment that allows people who need help to get help, right? Like, let us work together as a community, parents and teens and you know, everyone else in the school to create an environment where anyone who may be in crisis can ask for help.

And focusing on those things that do work, by the way, those things are, you know, we talked about the, the reactive measures to sort of shield the school and protect the school and how little data we have. We do have data that, that allowing kids to sort of express the need when they're in a crisis and, and responding to crisis appropriately is actually helpful.

So, so I would encourage parents to say, again, emphasize how unlikely this is, let's focus on the things that we can control, and among those things that we can't control is the sort of environment that we are creating in school.

LaWanda: That's great. We have one more scenario for you. It states, my child's kindergarten class does lockdown drills twice a year. I want to take them out of school on those days so they don't have to go through this experience so young. What are your thoughts on this approach? Am I overreacting?

Edith: Hm. So I am, you know, I'm listening to this and, and I'm sort of torn. On the one hand, I understand the need to protect your child and keep your child from going through an experience that may be traumatic for them. But on the other hand, I think your child needs to know what to do if there's ever an emergency at school. And not just the shooting, right? But any emergency in school.

And so I think rather than you know, pulling your child out. What I would recommend is that you work with the school and really, really, you know ask them to, to explain and to tell you again who the experts are that they're bringing in, and how this is developmentally appropriate. And I think as a parent, the beauty of this is, you know what is appropriate for your child developmentally, right? Like I can know as an expert and whatever consultant the school is bringing in, can know as an expert.

But you know best what your child can and cannot handle. And I think asking in advance, you know, how have you guys created and designed these drills? And are they developmentally appropriate? And show me would be the best approach here, because you can weigh in.

LaWanda: Yeah, I like that approach and I kind of need you in my back pocket when I go to school, when I send emails, like we have to figure that out. This has been really great. I appreciate all the great advice that you shared.

Helen: Yeah. One of my takeaways from what you've been sharing, Edith is just the importance of both being honest and prepared. But also, like you said, wanting to be developmentally appropriate and protecting your child from any unnecessary trauma. What about you, LaWanda? What are you taking away?

LaWanda: Yeah, all of that. I think that it's just really being honest with your child. Like you said, having that conversation and letting them know that it's okay to have these feelings. And that keeping the environment open to share I think is super important. And feeling empowered to go into the school and ask the questions that you talked about. Those are the kind of the takeaways that I got from it.

Helen: Absolutely. So Edith, we want to thank you and give you a last opportunity to share one thing that you really want parents to take away from today's conversation that they could start applying right now with their own school or child.

Edith: Sure. So thank you so much for having me today. I would say if you take nothing else away from this is you really, really should feel empowered to go in and ask questions and weigh in. Because you are such an important part of this team. You're an important part of the team when you come see me in clinic, right in my office. You're also an important part of the team when it comes to school protocols, and I just don't want parents to ever forget that.

Helen: Hm. And you mentioned some guidance that's out there on best practices around school safety and gun violence prevention. Are there any places or resources if parents want to learn more, you would encourage them to check out?

Edith: Sure. So I love the healthychildren.org website from the American Academy of Pediatrics. There is some advice there on language that is appropriate for every age for talking about new events that are difficult. And, the Academy may be coming out soon or soon-ish with more clear guidance when it comes to, to how schools should be preparing.

Helen: Great. Thank you for that. And before I turn over to LaWanda to help us wrap, tell us if our listeners want to follow you and learn more about your work. What are your social media handles and where can they go to learn more from you?

Edith: Yes, I am on Twitter as Doctora with an 'a' at the end, doctor with an 'a' at the end underscore Edith (@Doctora_Edith). And then I would just share a brief plug for my podcast, Las Doctoras Recomiendan, which is in Spanish. And, it is all about health and guidance for families with children who speak Spanish. So if you or someone you know is someone who may be interested in learning more about child health in Spanish, it's Las Doctoras Recomiendan.

LaWanda: Awesome. Thank you so much, Edith, for joining us today. We really appreciate all the great conversation that we were able to have on this great topic.

That wraps up today's episode. But before you go, be sure to check out our website, notesfromthebackpack.com to stay in the know. And follow us on social at National PTA and use hashtag backpacknotes to join the conversation. Thanks for tuning in.

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How to Talk to Your Kid about Gun Violence

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Helen: Welcome back to another episode of Notes from the Backpack, a PTA podcast. I'm your cohost, Helen Westmoreland, Director of Family Engagement at National PTA. LaWanda: And I'm LaWanda Toney, your cohost and Director of Strategic Communications at National PTA. Today we're discussing how to talk to kids about gun violence and school safety.

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The Teacher’s Role When Tragedy Strikes - Child Mind Institute

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What is a teacher’s role in dealing with tragedy? Child Mind Institute offers tips for helping children in the classroom when tragedy strikes.

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When tragedy strikes, as parents you find yourself doubly challenged: to process your own feelings of grief and distress, and to help your children do the same.

I wish I could tell you how to spare your children pain, when they've lost friends or family members, and fear, when disturbing events occur, especially when they're close to home. I can't do that, but what I can do is share what I've learned about how to help children cope and process disturbing events in the healthiest way.

As a parent, you can't protect you children from grief, but you can help them express their feelings, comfort them, help them feel safer, and teach them how to deal with fear. By allowing and encouraging them to express their feelings, you can help them build healthy coping skills that will serve them well in the future, and confidence that they can overcome adversity.

When something happens that will get wide coverage, my first and most important suggestion is that you don't delay telling your children about what's happened: It's much better for the child if you're the one who tells them. You don't want them to hear from some other child, a television news report, or the headlines on the front page of the New York Post. You want to be able to convey the facts, however painful, and set the emotional tone.

Invite them to tell you anything they may have heard about the tragedy, and how they feel. Give them ample opportunity to ask questions. You want to be prepared to answer (but not prompt) questions about upsetting details. Your goal is to avoid encouraging frightening fantasies.

It's okay to let your child know if you're sad, but if you talk to your child about a traumatic experience in a highly emotional way, then they will likely absorb your emotion and very little else. If, on the other hand, you remain calm, they are likely to grasp what's important: that tragic events can upset our lives, even deeply, but we can learn from bad experiences and work together to grow stronger.

Talking about death is always difficult, but a tragic accident or act of violence is especially tough because of how egocentric children are: they're likely to focus on whether something like this could happen to them. So it's important to reassure your child about how unusual this kind of event is, and the safety measures that have been taken to prevent this kind of thing from happening to them. You can also assure them that this kind of tragedy is investigated carefully, to identify causes and help prevent it from happening again. It's confidence-building for kids to know that we learn from negative experiences.

In your conversation (and subsequent ones) you can suggest ways your child might remember those they've lost: draw pictures or tell stories about things you did together. If you're religious, going to church or synagogue could be valuable.

Don't volunteer too much information, as this may be overwhelming. Instead, try to answer your child's questions. Do your best to answer honestly and clearly. It's okay if you can't answer everything; being available to your child is what matters. Difficult conversations like this aren't over in one session; expect to return to the topic as many times as your child needs to come to terms with this experience.

If your child is upset, just spending time with them may make them feel safer. Children find great comfort in routines, and doing ordinary things together as a family may be the most effective form of healing.

Drawing pictures, planting a tree, or sharing stories can all be good, positive ways to help provide closure to a child. It's important to assure your child that a person continues to live on in the hearts and minds of others. Doing something to help others in need can be very therapeutic: it can help children not only feel good about themselves but learn a very healthy way to deal with grief.

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Helping Children Cope With Frightening News - Child Mind Institute

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How to talk to children about upsetting or frightening news to help them cope in the healthiest possible way.

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NASP Talking to Children About Violence: Tips for Parents and Teachers

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NASP Talking to Children About Violence: Tips for Parents and Teachers

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Available in multiple languages

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National Association of School Psychologists (NASP)

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High profile acts of mass violence, particularly in schools, can confuse and frighten children and youth who may feel in danger or worry that their friends or loved ones are at risk. They will look to adults for information and guidance on how to react. Adults themselves may struggle with the growing reality of mass violence in the United States, particularly gun violence. However, caregivers and school personnel have a responsibility to help children and youth feel safe by establishing a sense of normalcy and security, reinforcing their natural resilience, and talking with them about their fears.

1. Reassure children that they are safe. Remind them that you and other adults are there to protect them. Emphasize that schools are generally very safe, even though the news may contribute to the perception that they are not. Indeed, research is clear that schools are among the safest places for children and that the likelihood that any individual child will experience violence at school is very low.

2. Validate children's feelings. Explain that all feelings are okay when a tragedy occurs. Let children talk about their feelings, help put them into perspective, and assist them in expressing these feelings appropriately. If appropriate for the child, acknowledge that the prevalence of mass violence in this country is disturbing and unacceptable, and that many adults are working to address the problem.

3. Make time to talk. Let children's questions be your guide as to how much information to provide. Be patient; children and youth do not always talk about their feelings readily. Watch for clues that they may want to talk, such as hovering around while you do the dishes or yard work. Some children prefer writing, playing music, or doing an art project as an outlet. Young children may need concrete activities (such as drawing, looking at picture books, or imaginative play) to help them identify and express their feelings.

4. Keep your explanations developmentally appropriate.

Early elementary school children need brief, simple information that should be balanced with reassurances that their school and homes are safe and that adults are there to protect them. Give simple examples of school safety like reminding children about exterior doors being locked, child monitoring efforts on the playground, and emergency drills practiced during the school day.

Upper elementary and early middle school children will be more vocal in asking questions about whether they truly are safe and what is being done at their school. They may need assistance separating reality from fantasy. Discuss efforts of school and community leaders to provide safe schools.

Upper middle school and high school students will have strong and varying opinions about the causes of violence in schools and society. They will share concrete suggestions about how to make school safer and how to prevent tragedies in society. Emphasize that adults are responsible for keeping students safe but that they can have a role in maintaining safe schools by following school safety guidelines (e.g., not providing building access to strangers, reporting strangers on campus, reporting threats to school safety made by students or community members), communicating any personal safety concerns to school administrators, and accessing support for their mental health needs.

5. Review safety procedures. This should include procedures and safeguards at school, in the community, and at home. Help children identify at least one adult at school and in the community to whom they go if they feel threatened or at risk.

6. Observe children's emotional state. Some children may not express their concerns verbally. Changes in behavior, appetite, and sleep patterns can also indicate a child's level of anxiety or discomfort. In most children, these symptoms will ease with reassurance and time. However, some children may be at risk for more intense reactions. Children who have had a past traumatic experience or personal loss, who suffer from depression or other mental illness, or who have special needs may be at greater risk for severe reactions than others. Seek the help of a mental health professional if you are at all concerned.

7. Limit access to television and social media attention to these events. Limit television viewing and be aware if the television is on in common areas. Developmentally inappropriate information can cause anxiety or confusion, particularly in young children. Adults also need to be mindful of the content of conversations that they have with each other in front of children, even teenagers, and limit their exposure to vengeful, hateful, and angry comments that might be misunderstood.

8. Correct misinformation. Speculating or spreading rumors about the specifics of a violent event can unnecessarily escalate anxiety and fear. Emphasize that law enforcement and other designated authorities have the most accurate information. Counter misconceptions that people with mental illness are more inclined toward violence. This isn't true. In fact, people with mental illness are more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators. Experts, including the FBI, emphasize that it takes a combination of multiple, often cascading, factors to lead someone to violence.

9. Maintain a normal routine. Keeping to a regular schedule can be reassuring and promotes physical health. Ensure that children get plenty of sleep, regular meals, and exercise. Encourage them to keep up with their schoolwork and extracurricular activities but don't push them if they seem overwhelmed. Support healthy social connections.

10. Talk about steps children and youth can take to make a positive difference. The ability to take action, even in small ways, can help reduce anxiety and promote resilience. Help children and youth identify organizations they can support or things they can do either related to violence prevention or simply to make a positive contribution to their family, school, or broader community.

Suggested Points to Emphasize When Talking to Children

Schools are safe places. School staff work with families and public safety providers (such as local police and fire departments, emergency responders, and hospitals) to keep you safe.

Our school building is safe because ... (cite specific school procedures).

Adults are responsible for keeping you safe, but we can all play a role in school safety. Be observant and let an adult know if you see or hear something that makes you feel uncomfortable, nervous, or frightened.

There is a difference between reporting and ratting, tattling, or gossiping. You can provide important information that may prevent harm either directly or anonymously by telling a trusted adult what you know or hear.

Although there is no absolute guarantee that something bad will never happen, it is important to understand the difference between the possibility of something happening and the probability that it will affect you (or our school community) directly. Even though any act of mass violence is horrible and unacceptable, the statistical likelihood of experiencing such violence in school is low. Based on data from the 2020-2021 school year, any given school might experience a shooting with casualties about once every 1,400 years. For perspective, 1,400 years ago was 623 A.D. Furthermore, the chance of getting injured or killed at school is about 1 in 450,000 (or .0000022%), with less than 3% of youth homicides of any kind occurring at school.

Senseless violence is hard for everyone to understand. Doing things we enjoy, sticking to our normal routine, and being with friends and family help make us feel better and help keep us from worrying about the event.

Sometimes people do bad things that hurt others. They may be unable to handle their anger, be under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or suffer from mental illness. Adults (parents, teachers, police officers, doctors, faith leaders) work very hard to get those people help and keep them from hurting others. It is important for all of us to know how to get help if we feel really upset or angry and to stay away from drugs and alcohol.

Stay away from guns and other weapons unless under adult supervision with the proper training. Tell an adult if you know someone has a gun. Access to guns is the leading risk factor for deadly violence.

Violence is never a solution to personal problems. Students can be part of the positive solution by participating in antiviolence programs at school, learning conflict mediation skills, and seeking help from adults if they are or a peer is struggling with anger, depression, or other emotions they cannot control.

NASP has additional information for parents and educators on school safety, violence prevention, children's trauma reactions, and crisis response at www.nasponline.org.

Please cite this document as: National Association of School Psychologists. (2023). Talking to children about violence [Handout].

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Talking to Children About Violence: Tips for Families and Educators

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High profile acts of mass violence, particularly in schools, can confuse and frighten children and youth who may feel in danger or worry that their friends or loved ones are at risk. They will look to...

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After a School Shooting Resources - American School Counselor Association (ASCA)

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Recovery from Large Scale Crisis: Guidance for School Crisis teams

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Recovery from Large Scale Crisis: Guidance for School Crisis teams

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Recovery From Large Scale Crises Guidelines for Crisis Teams and Administrators.PDF

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National Association of School Psychologists (NASP)

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Brief Facts and Tips

1. Grief is not solely related to the death of a loved one. The symptoms, characteristics, and process of grieving can be similar after other types of loss (e.g., divorce, transition, moving).

2. Grief is personal. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. How people grieve can be influenced by developmental level, cultural traditions, religious beliefs, mental health, disabilities, family, personal characteristics, and previous experiences.

3. Grief is often characterized by sadness, emotional pain, and introspection in adults. However, children's grief reactions differ according to age and developmental level:

Preschool - Regressive behaviors, decreased verbalization, increased anxiety

Elementary - Decreased academic performance, attention/concentration, and attendance; irritability, aggression, and disruptive behaviors; somatic complaints; sleep/eating disturbances; social withdrawal; guilt, depression, and anxiety; repeated re-telling of the event

Middle and High School - Decreased academic performance, attention/concentration, and attendance; avoidance, withdrawal, high risk behaviors or substance abuse, difficulty with peer relations, nightmares, flashbacks, emotional numbing or depression

4. Grieving does not have a timeline. Schools should be aware of anniversaries, birthdays, developmental milestones, and other factors that could affect students months or years after the loss.

5. Grieving involves meeting specific milestones. Individuals are likely to experience (and often re-experience) some or all of the following adjustments/responses:

Accepting the death

Experiencing the feelings and emotional pain associated with death and separation from the deceased

Adjusting to changes and an altered environment that no longer includes the deceased

Finding ways to remember and memorialize the deceased

6. Grieving is a normal response to loss, but may require some support. Additional assistance should be provided when the following are noted:

Marked loss of interest in daily activities

Changes in eating and sleeping habits

Wishing to be with the deceased loved one

Fear of being alone

Significant decreases in academic performance and achievement

Increased somatic complaint

Changes in attendance patterns (e.g., chronic absenteeism)

7. Things to avoid

Euphemisms when referring to the deceased such as "they are sleeping," or "they went away"

Minimizing statements such as "it was only your great-grandmother, (or dog, neighbor, etc.)"

Predicting a timeframe to complete the grieving process such as, "it has been a month, you should be getting over this," or "the pain will fade soon"

Over-identifying, (e.g., "I know how you feel")

Too much self-disclosure (e.g., I lost my mom to cancer) as not everyone handles self-disclosure the same way and the focus should remain on the student's grief

8. Things to do

Maintain routines as normally as possible

Ask questions to ascertain the youth's understanding of the event and emotional state

Give the youth permission to grieve

Provide age and developmentally-appropriate answers

Connect the bereaved with helping professionals and other trusted mentors and adults

Encourage students to adopt adaptive coping strategies, particularly ones that will involve interaction with other students (e.g., sports, clubs)

Educate teachers and families about what is healthy grief and how to support the student

References & Resources:
The Dougy Center (National Center for Grieving Children & Families) The National Child Traumatic Stress Network American Cancer Society Sesame Street Grief Resources National Alliance for Grieving Children Coalition to Support Grieving Students
© 2015, National Association of School Psychologists, 4340 East West Highway, Suite 402, Bethesda, MD 20814; (301) 657-0270, Fax (301) 657-0275; www.nasponline.org
NASP has made these materials available free of charge to the public in order to promote the ability of children and youth to cope with traumatic or unsettling times. The materials may be adapted, reproduced, reprinted, or linked to websites without specific permission. However, the integrity of the content must be maintained and NASP must be given proper credit.
Contributors:

Benjamin Fernandez, Victoria A. Comerchero NCSP, Jacqueline A. Brown NCSP, Catherine Woahn, NCSP

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School-based support and increased understanding are essential when a student experiences the death of a friend or loved one. While each student will be affected differently depending on his or her de...

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When Grief/Loss Hits Close to Home: Tips for Caregivers

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When Grief/Loss Hits Close to Home: Tips for Caregivers

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National Association of School Psychologists (NASP)

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The nature of the loss (i.e., expected vs. sudden) will impact the way caregivers address the loss of a family member. While grief is often characterized by sadness, emotional pain, and introspection in adults, children's grief reactions will vary depending upon their developmental level. More specifically among preschoolers one might observe regressive behaviors, decreased verbalization, and increased anxiety. Among elementary school aged children one might observe decreased academic performance, attention/concentration, and attendance; irritability, aggression, and disruptive behaviors; somatic complaints; sleep/eating disturbances; social withdrawal; guilt, depression, and anxiety; and repeated telling of the event. And among middle and high school age youth one might observe decreased academic performance, attention/concentration, and attendance; avoidance, withdrawal, high risk behaviors or substance abuse, difficulty with peer relations, nightmares, flashbacks, and emotional numbing or depression. The death of a family member may be further complicated by the child's relationship to the deceased as well as to the surviving parent (e.g., if mom and dad are divorced). Cultural factors are important to consider when working with family members after a loss. Some families will be more open to discussing the loss whereas others based on cultural/religious beliefs may choose and request that the loss "not be addressed at all."

Strategies for Families Dealing With an Anticipatory Loss (E.G., Terminal Illness)

With anticipated loss, children may have had to endure weeks, months, or even years of watching their loved one deteriorate, in some cases both physically and mentally, which can significantly disrupt children's academic, behavioral and social/emotional functioning. Thus, family members should be extra vigilant to such changes. Instead of being punitive, try to address the changes through consulting with a school-employed or community-based counselor or psychologist. There are generally four phases of anticipatory grief: depression, extreme concern for the dying person, preparing for the death, and adjusting to changes caused by the death. But again not every child travels through these four phases in a linear process as with grieving in general.

Ambiguous loss is often also a factor with anticipatory grief. As children watch the changes in their parents and loss of physical/cognitive capacities, they need to continuously adapt to both their own "new role in the family" (e.g., possibly becoming a caretaker), as well as to the changed roles in the entire family system (e.g., financial changes due to parent being unable to work; parent's compromised ability to take care of children's everyday needs).

Strategies for dealing with "ambiguous loss" while the loved one is still physically alive but psychologically changed or absent often include adaptive creative arts therapies to encourage children to talk more about their experiences. Although most of these strategies are appropriate in therapeutic settings, some may be adapted for parents and family members to use at home.

Narrative therapy or helping your children "tell their own story" about their experiences can be useful. This can be done by helping your children consider "two choices" to end a story, and have them choose the one that represents a more adaptive way to deal with his or her feelings. Alternatively, if children are unable to tell their story, you can use animals or inanimate objects to personify people as these may be less threatening.

Some activities appropriate for the home wetting include "bibliotherapy"; for example, reading books such as:

Charlotte's Web (EB White, 1952) which deals with the "cycle of life"

"The Last Lecture" (Randy Pausch, 2007) is both a book and a YouTube video in which a terminally ill professor imparts his parental wisdom to his children through a "lecture" with life lessons. This can help engage children in a family discussion about anticipatory grief.

Using art projects where you ask your children to "draw" their feelings about the terminally ill family member may also be useful.

It is recommended that when seeking mental health support for ambiguous loss, the entire family be included; when possible include siblings, parents, and/or other important people in their lives.

Encouraging children to make decisions, such as whether or not they wish to take part in funeral services (when age appropriate) is recommended.

Strategies for Families Coping With Sudden Loss of a Loved One

Reactions among children may be extremely variable in cases of sudden unexpected death or loss. It often depends upon the nature of the "sudden loss" (e.g., if the sudden loss was violent or illness related death). There are generally four phases of grief: but not every child travels through these four phases in a linear process.

1. Shock and Numbness (stunned, difficulty thinking clearly)

2. Yearning and Searching (restless, angry, guilty, bewildered)

3. Disorientation and Disorganization (extreme sadness, possible continued guilt and anger)

4. Reorganization and Resolution (accept the loss)

Suicide or drug overdoses, which are sudden and unexpected losses, may often be especially difficult for family members to cope with because of the stigma associated with these types of deaths. Especially in these instances, it is important to encourage children to talk about the death openly at home. Saying "we are not going to talk about this" will likely interfere with the grieving process. Parents should look to community resources for specialized support groups that include others dealing with a similar loss.

"Survivor guilt" may be a reaction to sudden loss. It is important that this be recognized and acknowledged when we hear statements such as "I wish it were me instead." Survivor guilt may also manifest itself in excessive self-blame. It is important to recognize and try to understand with these feelings, but also let the affected family member know that it was not their fault. For example, following a suicide death surviving family members should be told that ultimately the only person responsible for the death was the deceased.

References

Bowlby, J. (1980). Loss: Sadness and depression. (Vol. 3). New York, NY: Basic Books.

Boss, P. (2010). The trauma and complicated grief of ambiguous loss. Pastoral Psychology, 59(2), pp 137-145. doi: 10.1007/s11089-009-0264-0.

Brown, J. A., Jimerson, S. R., & Comerchero, V. A. (2014). Cognitive development considerations to support bereaved students: Practical applications for school psychologists. Contemporary School Psychology. Advance online publication. doi:10.1007/s40688-014-0018-6

Dogan-Ates, A. (2010). Developmental differences in children's and adolescents' post-disaster reactions. Issues in Mental Health Nursing, 31, 470-476. doi:10.3109/01612840903582528

Mayo Clinic Staff. (2014). Complicated Grief. Retrieved from: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/basics/definition/con-20032765

© 2015, National Association of School Psychologists, 4340 East West Highway, Suite 402, Bethesda, MD 20814, 301-657-0270, www.nasponline.org

Please cite this document as:

NASP School Safety and Crisis Response Committee. (2015). When grief and loss hits close to home: Tips for caregivers. Bethesda, MD: National Association of School Psychologists. Bethesda, MD: National Association of School Psychologists.

Contributors: Benjamin S. Fernandez MSEd, Victoria A. Comerchero NCSP, Jacqueline A. Brown NCSP, Catherine Woahn, NCSP

Note. Schools and community agencies may adapt this handout to local needs for educational and student support purposes as long as proper credit is given to NASP.

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When Grief/Loss Hits Close to Home: Tips for Caregivers

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The nature of the loss (i.e., expected vs. sudden) will impact the way caregivers address the loss of a family member. While grief is often characterized by sadness, emotional pain, and introspection in adults, children's grief reactions will vary depending upon their developmental level.

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Addressing Grief: Tips for Teachers and Administrators

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Addressing Grief: Tips for Teachers and Administrators

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National Association of School Psychologists (NASP)

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School-based support and increased understanding are essential when a student experiences the death of a friend or loved one. While each student will be affected differently depending on his or her developmental level, cultural beliefs, personal characteristics, family situation, and previous experiences. There are some strategies that can be helpful in supporting bereaved students.

General Tips to Support Students of All Ages

Be understanding and tolerant of common grief reactions which include: decreased appetite, difficulty sleeping, a decreased ability to concentrate, increased sadness, and social withdrawal. Students sometimes also feel anger toward the deceased for leaving them.

Be simple and straightforward. Discuss death in developmentally appropriate terms for students.

Use words such as "death," "die," or "dying" in your conversations and avoid euphemisms such as "they went away," "they are sleeping," "departed," and "passed away." Such euphemisms are abstract and may be confusing, especially for younger children.

Let students know that death is not contagious. Although all human beings will die at some point, death is not something that can be "caught" and it is unusual for children to die.

Be brief and patient. Remember that you may have to answer the same question multiple times and repeat key information to ensure understanding.

Listen, acknowledge feelings, and be nonjudgmental.

Express your own feelings in an open, calm, and appropriate way that encourages students to share their feelings and grief.

Avoid making assumptions and imposing your own beliefs on students.

A variety of feelings are normal. Be sensitive to each student's experience, as there is no one right way to respond to a loss. Feelings and behaviors will vary across students and will change throughout the bereavement process.

Normalize expressed feelings by telling students such are common after a death. However, if their expressions include risk to self (e.g. suicidal thoughts) or others, refer immediately to the appropriate professionals.

Be sensitive to cultural differences of students and their families in expressing grief and honoring the dead.

Consider a student's intellectual abilities, behavior, and conceptual understanding of death. For children with developmental disabilities. Their limited communication skills do not mean they are unaffected by the death. Behaviors such as increased frustration and compulsivity, somatic complaints, relationship difficulties, and increased self-stimulatory behaviors may be expressions of grief.

Maintain a normal routine in your classroom and engage students in activities they previously enjoyed.

Provide the opportunity to talk and ask questions and use these questions to guide further discussion. Encourage students to share feelings, but in ways that are not disruptive to the class or hurtful to other students.

Keep in mind that some children may have a difficult time expressing their feelings or may not feel comfortable talking at school. Do not pressure these students to talk. Some may prefer writing, drawing, listening to music, or playing a game instead of talking about their feelings. Provide students with a variety of options for expressing grief.

Talk to the bereaved student's classmates about grief and emphasize the importance of being understanding and sensitive.

Help bereaved students find a peer support group. There will likely be other who have also experienced the death of a loved one.

Tips When the Whole School is Affected by a Teacher or Student Death

A letter and/or direct communication via email should be sent home to all parents on school letterhead informing them of the death. Information to include in the communication:

Facts about the death to dispel rumors

Discussion of the range of feelings and reactions that may occur throughout the grief process

Guidance about talking to their children about the death

Indicators of the need for mental health counseling

Direction on how to contact the school if they have questions or believe their child may benefit from counseling

Direction on how to obtain community resources

Share factual information with staff (through meetings and bulletins), students (through class announcements and meetings), and parents (through letters/email). Regularly provide them with relevant updates.

Provide teachers with guidelines on how to share information about the death with their students and establish referral procedures for students requiring additional support.

Pay close attention to students who have experienced recent deaths or key life changes, witnessed the death, or have emotional problems.

Tips for Specific Age Groups

Preschool

Avoid euphemisms as preschoolers have trouble understanding death and may believe the death is reversible.

Provide opportunities to express thoughts and feelings about death through play activities and drawing.

Answer questions using concrete descriptions and be prepared to repeatedly answer questions.

Possible reactions include:

Crying or screaming

Clinging to caregivers or other trusted adults

Fear of separation

Regressive behaviors such as wetting pants and thumb sucking

Decreased verbalization

Elementary School

These students may ask questions and seek to try to understand what happened. Be patient and refer them to adults that can answer their questions.

Students below the age of eight may engage in magical thinking and believe they could have prevented the death. Recognize these feelings and fears but do not validate them.

Students ages nine through twelve may feel less comfortable showing feelings and seeing expressions of grief in others. Make sure to provide these students with a variety of ways to express grief.

Possible reactions include:

Behavioral difficulties

Decreased concentration

Poor school performance

Depression

Irritability

Withdrawal

Somatic complaints (headaches & stomachaches)

Middle and High School

Do not force students to share their feelings with others, including their peers if they do not feel comfortable. Provide them with opportunities to share their feelings privately.

Students often seek support via social media. Be aware of what is being posted and shared. Encourage students to seek support for a friend in need.

Students in their mid-to-late teens tend to feel more comfortable expressing their feelings and grief similar to adults.

High school students may use physical contact to show their support and empathy (e.g., hugging or touching the arm)

Possible reactions include:

Poor school performance

Anxiety

Depression

High risk behaviors or substance use

Emotional numbing

Suicidal thoughts

References:

Black, S. (2005). Research: How teachers and counselors can reach out to bereaved students. When children grieve. American School Board Journal, 192, 28-30. Retrieved from http://www.asbj.com/

Brown, J. A., Jimerson, S. R., & Comerchero, V. A. (2014). Cognitive development considerations to support bereaved students: Practical applications for school psychologists. Contemporary School Psychology. Advance online publication. doi:10.1007/s40688-014-0018-6

Dogan-Ates, A. (2010). Developmental differences in children's and adolescents' post-disaster reactions. Issues in Mental Health Nursing, 31, 470-476. doi:10.3109/01612840903582528

© 2015, National Association of School Psychologists, 4340 East West Highway, Suite 402, Bethesda, MD 20814, 301-657-0270, www.nasponline.org

Please cite this document as:

NASP School Safety and Crisis Response Committee. (2015). Addressing grief: Tips for teachers and Administrators. Bethesda, MD: National Association of School Psychologists. Bethesda, MD: National Association of School Psychologists.

Contributors: Benjamin S. Fernandez MSEd, Victoria A. Comerchero NCSP, Jacqueline A. Brown NCSP, Catherine Woahn, NCSP

Note. Schools and community agencies may adapt this handout to local needs for educational and student support purposes as long as proper credit is given to NASP.

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Addressing Grief: Tips for Teachers and Administrators

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School-based support and increased understanding are essential when a student experiences the death of a friend or loved one.

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Memorials: Special Considerations When Memorializing an Incident

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Memorials: Special Considerations When Memorializing an Incident

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Memorials Special Considerations When Memorializing an Incident

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After a Suicide: A Toolkit for Schools (AFSP)

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After a Suicide: A Toolkit for Schools (AFSP)

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2022 Update

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Aftera Suicide Toolkit for Schools 2022Update

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Lo sentimos, la página que usted busca no se ha podido encontrar. Puede intentar su búsqueda de nuevo o visitar la lista de temas populares.

When communities experience episodes of violence or face natural disasters these events are hard even for adults to comprehend. We can't shield our children from pain and fear when they're exposed to such tragedy. But we can help them process what they're experiencing in the healthiest way possible.

The Child Mind Institute has prepared free trauma resources to aid parents, educators, and other adults in talking to children and adolescents about potentially traumatic events and identifying those who might benefit from more focused professional attention. Our children can be more sensitive to challenges around them because of their life experience and they need our support.

We hope these resources will be of assistance in a trying time, and that you will share them with anyone you think might benefit. And remember to take care of yourself; your children depend on you most of all.

This guide was last reviewed or updated on February 28, 2023.

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Multilingual Trauma Resources - Child Mind Institute

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Lo sentimos, la página que usted busca no se ha podido encontrar. Puede intentar su búsqueda de nuevo o visitar la lista de temas populares. When communities experience episodes of violence or face natural disasters these events are hard even for adults to comprehend.

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Anxiety over school shootings has become a common fear in America. When something that once seemed unthinkable happens with some regularity, added to our feeling of horror that it's happened (again!) is another kind of alarm: Could this happen at my child's school?

And many parents have begun to worry whether the news of school shootings, along with the active-shooter drills most schools are now conducting, are frightening children in a damaging way.

Responding to this concern, Jamie Howard, PhD, director of the Trauma and Resilience Service at the Child Mind Institute, says that parents tend to worry about school shootings more than their children do. "Even though they're the ones going into school every day, I just don't hear a lot of kids worrying about it," she says. "When children are younger they're more egocentric. As they get to become teenagers this changes." This developmental selfishness is a quality that often protects younger children from the kind of anxiety that the adults around them are experiencing.

This is good news for parents who worry about their children feeling afraid. But kids are very good at picking up on the fears of their parents, and if they sense that Mom or Dad is afraid, they will take notice.

Psychologists sometimes describe anxiety as the body's internal alarm system. You want your alarm system to go off if there is a threat nearby. But sometimes the alarm is triggered too easily and you are alerted when there isn't any danger at all. Or maybe there is a threat, but it doesn't actually warrant a full-fledged alarm response.

The way school shootings are covered on television and discussed on social media is intense. We can hear about the tragedy throughout our day, often for several days, whenever we look at a screen. Besides making us feel upset and frustrated, it can also make us feel less safe. "Because it's so horrific and scary and important it dominates the media and therefore our minds, and we think of it as a much bigger threat than it is, explains Dr. Howard. "The more you watch, the more it tricks your mind into thinking it's an increased probability of occurring."

School shootings actually are not very common, so while they are a threat, the likelihood that one will personally affect you is slim. In Dr. Howard's words, "some anxiety is warranted, debilitating anxiety is not." If you feel that you are more anxious than you should be, a good first step is always to take a break from any media that might be focusing your attention in an unhealthy direction.

Because anxiety is meant to prepare us for action, it makes sense to channel the worries you are feeling into something proactive you can do. One of the things Dr. Howard recommends is forming a parent group at the school. Assessing what the school needs, getting involved in the planning process for drills, and having ongoing conversations about keeping the school safe can make worried parents feel better.

Likewise, participating in political activism or efforts to support mental health and wellness in your community can make you feel like you are making a difference. It also sets a good example for your children, who may want to get involved, too. Many of the students at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School began lobbying lawmakers after the tragic shooting at their school, and they inspired students across the country to think about ways they might make their own voices heard. Participating in a school walkout or even just getting their opinion across in a conversation with a parent can make kids feel like their thoughts and values matter, which will feel reassuring.

Parents are sometimes afraid to bring up school shootings with their children, because they don't want to scare them. But children will have often heard about a school shooting that is getting a lot of attention in the media, and bringing it up can actually alleviate any anxiety they might be feeling. Avoiding potentially scary topics can make them scarier to children.

These discussions are a chance for you to answer questions that they might have and provide some reassurance. While you can't promise that their school will never have a shooting, you can in good faith tell them that school shootings are actually very rare and remind them that they practice drills at school to keep them safe.

If you aren't sure what to say, you can always ask your kids if they have any questions. Use common sense about how much detail to go into, and try not to use euphemisms or fuzzy language, which can make a young child's imagination run wild.

You can also take this opportunity to share important messages that you want to communicate. For example, Dr. Howard suggests saying, "If a classmate of yours is struggling, we don't do nothing. We don't gossip about them. We tell a grownup so they can get help." Or if your child is a teenager, and another student says or writes something scary, the same advice holds: they should let an adult know.

Most schools today practice active shooter drills. The goal of these drills should never be to scare children. Just as we don't use fake smoke in fire drills, schools don't need to use fake guns during active shooter drills. Schools who try to make the drills as realistic as possible risk scaring students (and teachers), and miss the point of these drills in the first place.

Schools have active shooter drills to get everyone used to their safety plan. "The more you practice something, the more you rehearse it, you lay the mental tracks so that you decrease the tendency to freeze in the case of a real emergency and you can go quickly into action," explains Dr. Howard. "In the military you do realistic drills because you really will be in combat, but this is a low-probability event. You just need to lay the tracks so you decrease those few seconds of reaction time."

When teachers (and parents) talk about the drills, they should do it with a lot of confidence. They should make it clear that school shootings, just like fires, are unlikely, but, says Dr. Howard, "We are going to be ready if it happens. This is what we're going to do to stay safe."

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How to Talk to Kids About School Shootings - Child Mind Institute

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Anxiety over school shootings has become a common fear in America. When something that once seemed unthinkable happens with some regularity, added to our feeling of horror that it's happened (again!) is another kind of alarm: Could this happen at my child's school?

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Helping Children Cope With Frightening News - Child Mind Institute

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How to talk to children about upsetting or frightening news to help them cope in the healthiest possible way.

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Caring for Kids After a School Shooting - Child Mind Institute

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Surprising advice from trauma expert Dr. Paramjit Joshi. Helping children cope starts with listening carefully, and letting them help each other.

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When tragedy strikes a school community - whether it's a death at your child's school or a loss of life so horrific that it affects us all, like the shootings at Newtown, Connecticut - the prospect of sending kids back to school can be daunting. But it's an important milestone, because it is essential that children get back into ordinary routines after hearing disturbing and frightening news. Children find comfort in the familiar, and going back to school and any after-school activities helps build healthy, resilient children.

But after an event like a school shooting, some kids might be hesitant about going back to school. Here are some tips for helping kids worried about going back:

Invite your child to tell you how they feel about going back to school. Don't ask leading questions - "Are you worried about going back to school?" - but do give them an opportunity to express what's on their mind. Assuming you've discussed the shooting, you might ask if they expect to discuss it at school, or whether they expect any school activities relating to it.

It's reassuring to children, and helps diminish frightening fantasies, to express what they're worried about. If your child is thinking that their classroom may no longer be - or feel - safe, it's good to listen to those fears.

You can let your child know that you can understand why they might be uneasy. And then you can have a factual conversation about how rare school shootings are. You can also assure them that when they happen, they are investigated carefully, to identify causes and help prevent it from happening again. It's confidence-building for kids to know that we learn from negative experiences.

Remind your child that their school is a very safe place, filled with teachers and other adults who love children and have dedicated their lives to helping them. Remind them of the drills and policies already in place to keep students safe.

Don't be surprised if your child is unusually clingy or needy, and do be prepared to slow your morning routines and be physically affectionate and comforting.

Be on the lookout for nonverbal cues indicating anxiety. The 8-year-old who hasn't asked you about the event but who has seen the images, and whose sleep and eating habits have changed after the tragedy, may need to have a conversation - even if they aren't asking in words.

Teachers and school counselors will be ready to help children with any concerns they might have while they are in school. Encourage your child to talk to them if they are feeling overwhelmed on the first day back or later in the week. Let them know that it's fine to bring the subject up again to you or anyone else if they have questions or feelings they want to share later.

Finally, if you think that one of your children has been seriously impacted, please don't hesitate to reach out to the Child Mind Institute. You can contact us at (212) 308-3118.

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Going Back to School After a Tragedy - Child Mind Institute

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When tragedy strikes a school community - whether it's a death at your child's school or a loss of life so horrific that it affects us all, like the shootings at Newtown, Connecticut - the prospect of sending kids back to school can be daunting.

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Helping Children and Adolescents Cope with Traumatic Events

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Helping Children and Adolescents Cope with Traumatic Events

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National Institute of Mental Health

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National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)

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Helping Children and Adolescents Cope With Traumatic Events

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This fact sheet presents information on how children and adolescents respond to traumatic events, and what family, friends, and trusted adults can do to help.

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PSYCHOLOGICAL FIRST AID (PFA) FOR STUDENTS AND TEACHERS:

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PSYCHOLOGICAL FIRST AID (PFA) FOR STUDENTS AND TEACHERS:

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LISTEN, PROTECT, CONNECT—MODEL & TEACH

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After a School Tragedy…Readiness, Response, Recovery, & Resources

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After a School Tragedy…Readiness, Response, Recovery, & Resources

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Mental Health Technology Transfer Center created document with links to loads of resources

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Caring for Students in the Aftermath of a Tragedy or Threat of Gun Violence

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Caring for Students in the Aftermath of a Tragedy or Threat of Gun Violence

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Caring for Students in the Aftermath of a Tragedy or Threat of Gun Violence

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Wednesday, March 22, 2023 at 5:00 PM Eastern Daylight Time.

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Lesson Plan: Discuss with Your Students How the News Covers Mass Violence

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Lesson Plan: Discuss with Your Students How the News Covers Mass Violence

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Commonsense Media (High School)

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Mass violence -- including school shootings -- has been happening with disturbing frequency, and with each incident comes around-the-clock news and media coverage. While our students need help coping with the emotional trauma and fear caused by news of these shootings, it can also be helpful to move beyond coping to thinking and acting -- especially about how the media covers these shootings. The following video and discussions help students think more deeply about the role media plays in school shootings, how it might change for the better, and what other factors contribute to these events.

Recommended for:

Grades: 9-12
Subjects: ELA, social studies, newspaper/media, digital citizenship

Prep for teachers

Review which mental health and counseling resources your school offers. Share with students.

Check out and/or teach Facing History's lessons for exploring identity and having respectful discussions.

Optional: Print out copies of the exit ticket.

In the classroom

Hook (five to 10 minutes):

Before screening the video, ask students to take notes while they watch. Provide them with an essential question to focus their viewing -- e.g., "What role does news media play in preventing and/or perpetuating school shootings?"

Show the Retro Report video "Columbine at 20: Media Attention and Copycat Killers."

Discussion (10 minutes):

Back in 1999 when Columbine happened, the internet was still relatively new and social media wasn't a thing. How do you think the internet is making the aftermath of school shootings more complicated today?

How has social media affected people's pursuit of -- or interest in -- fame? Is that a factor in the "copycat" behavior of some school shooters?

Where should news draw the line between informing the public about these events and their causes and not giving the killers attention?

How could news organizations and media outlets alter their coverage?

Activity (complete as a group in-class or as homework):

Possible follow-ups
Editor's note: This resource is part of a monthly series that helps teachers facilitate classroom discussions about trending and timely issues in the news and media. For more, browse our library of News and Media Literacy articles.

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Discuss How the News Covers Mass Violence with Your Students | Common Sense Education

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Host a classroom discussion and activity that explores how the media responds to tragic events.

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Handouts from Psychological First Aid Manual

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Handouts from Psychological First Aid Manual

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Handouts from the Psychological First Aid Manual comprises numerous guides to support children, adolescents, adults, families, caregivers, and community response teams in the aftermath of disaster and terrorism. Psychological First Aid is an evidence-informed, culturally responsive approach designed to alleviate immediate distress and promote adaptive coping skills across all developmental levels. National Center for PTSD + The National Child Trauma

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Restoring a Sense of Safety in the Aftermath of a Mass Shooting 

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Restoring a Sense of Safety in the Aftermath of a Mass Shooting 

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After a School Shooting Resource Library (ASCA)

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After a School Shooting Resource Library (ASCA)

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After a School Shooting Resources - American School Counselor Association (ASCA)

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Crises are uncontrollable, negative, instantaneous events that have the potential to create adverse, harmful effects on school-aged youth. Cognitive development and coping skills are often affected and may lead to academic and behavioral difficulties in school. This webinar focuses on the signs and symptoms of youth in crisis and those suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Learn a problem-solving approach to use when working with traumatized children as well as prevention and intervention strategies.

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Crises are uncontrollable, negative, instantaneous events that have the potential to create adverse, harmful effects on school-aged youth. Cognitive development and coping skills are often affected and may lead to academic and behavioral difficulties in s

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Books and Websites | Full Circle Grief Center

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An Introduction to Ambiguous Grief The Light of Music What is EMDR Therapy? Taking a Moment, Together Favorite People I Wish I Never Met

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This book is a combination of a children's book and activity guide. The first portion is a book that can be printed and bound (with staples or other creative means) to be read and shared with students grieving the death of a loved one. The book reframes death without any religious connections so it is accessible to anyone in need. The book focuses on the way someone feels when a loved one dies and encourages healthy coping skills.

The second portion is an activity guide that can be used as a follow-up to the book. You could use these activities in group settings or during individual sessions. The activities could be easily adapted to any age level and require very little to no writing. There are seven total activities.

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We will be reading “The Rabbit Listened” by Cori Doerrfeld, a simple, yet profound story about loss, read by Full Circle Staff Member Nikki Shaw. When something terrible happens, Taylor…