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As a new school year begins, teachers and students renew relations-hips after the long summer break, see new faces, and establish their routines for the year. The activities in this packet will help you get the year off to a good start by engaging you and your students in getting to know each other, practicing listening skills, and discussing the values that will shape your classroom community. There are separate sets of activities
for grades Pre-K to 2, grades 3 to 5, and grades 6 to 12. They are adapted
from exercises in Morningside Center's Resolving Conflict Creatively Program and 4Rs
Program (Reading, Writing, Respect & Resolution).

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Helping Troubled Students, One Relationship at a Time

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Helping Troubled Students, One Relationship at a Time

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This article explains the intertwined nature of social, emotional, and academic well-being and provides tips for developing supportive, personalized relationships with students in order to cultivate an emotionally and academically safe learning environment. The author grounds his suggestions in his experience working with students and colleagues, and he tells a compelling story about the value of establishing trust in promoting positive student behavior.

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Many students don't trust anyone at school. To address that, we asked teachers to forge one-on-one bonds with these kids.

When Jimmy, a 6th grader with significant social and emotional disabilities, was sent out of English class every day one week, he devised a plan. On Friday, he smuggled a pair of handcuffs into school, and upon arriving at English class, instead of grabbing his "do now" and sitting down, he ran straight to the teacher's desk and handcuffed himself to it.

The teacher, a kind and in many ways excellent instructor, was shocked. The teacher and I unlocked Jimmy soon enough, but later, when we had a quiet moment to reflect, I said, "You teach English. Can you see the symbolism here?" Jimmy desperately wanted to stay in class but did not know how. And to compound this tiny tragedy, it seemed obvious he had no one to ask.

How many teachers do you trust?

How many staff/teachers do you feel you can go to for help?

And how many staff/teachers do you feel you have a strong relationship with?

As the dean of culture at a new school in Springfield, Massachusetts, I sought to gather data before discussing the incident with the staff. I administered a relationship survey that asked only a few questions:

While the school had a student population of over 400, I received only 180 surveys back. Our results are in the chart at left.

This was heartbreaking. Nearly 20% of our students trusted no one. We were asking students to learn traditional subjects -- math, science, etc. -- in an atmosphere where they felt that no one had their best interests at heart. They came to school expecting to struggle, and then they made it true.

After presenting my findings to the staff, I explained what we were going to do. Our primary goal was to systematically move the needle until every student had at least one person they looked forward to seeing in the morning, and then to use that momentum to build the relations between staff and students for every single student. We divided teachers by grade level and asked each teacher to pick one student. For the first few weeks we asked them to limit their choice to students who had said on their surveys that they trusted no one. After they chose, we gave the teachers a worksheet that included these questions: What is the student's living situation? Favorite games? Favorite sport? Taste in music? What is the student good at? What is the best part of their day? What is the worst?

In conversation with Jimmy, I asked him what he wished teachers knew about him.

His answer broke my heart. He said, "I wish teachers knew I was good at some things."

Building Trust

Our questions were not picked at random. We avoided traditional questions such as "What do you see in your future?" Poor students regard this line of questioning as a trap because the answer will always be that their effort is not sufficient to reach their goals. Instead, we wanted to know who each student was right then. I encouraged teachers to answer each question themselves after listening to the student, and made sure to add space on the worksheet for their responses, so they could share the answers with the student. After all, relationships are not one way. Just as we needed staff to see students as whole people, we needed students to see each staff member as a whole person.

Each teacher was responsible for finding time for a long conversation with the student. I suggested a private lunch, but recognizing that some of our staff insisted on their contractually allocated break, we also allowed the student to be pulled from phys ed, art, or technology classes. Within one week, teachers were to upload their results to a shared document and then pick another student.

Keep the conversation in the present. Your relationship is happening now. This is where the conversation needs to be.

Listen carefully. Repeat enough so the student knows you listened.

Reveal yourself. Some teachers fear that if students know who they really are the students might use that knowledge as ammo. Ammo for what? How can they hurt you for being yourself?

Offer food. Not a piece of candy, not a reward or a bribe. Open a bag of chips and eat one and then offer some to the student. This is primal, this is true caring and thoughtfulness. Sharing food recognizes two individuals. It quickly begins the process of building a positive relationship.

Here are a few tips for building relationships with students:

The results were instantaneous and stunningly positive. In the private conversations, teachers learned things that caused them to adjust their style, resulting in less student misbehavior and more time in class. When kids skipped a class, it used to take a significant amount of time to find them, but in several cases after we began this program we just went to the classroom of the person they trusted and found the student there. Approaching relationship building as a school-wide value shifted the culture significantly to the positive.

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Helping Troubled Students, One Relationship at a Time

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Many students don't trust anyone at school. To address that, we asked teachers to forge one-on-one bonds with these kids. When Jimmy, a 6th grader with significant social and emotional disabilities, was sent out of English class every day one week, he devised a plan.

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This article offers general suggestions for building positive relationships with and among students and specific strategies for putting them into practice in the classroom. The list includes recommendations related to clarifying expectations, getting to know students individually, and holding their attention during instruction …

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AMLE - Association for Middle Level Education

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The research is clear: humans are literally "hard-wired" with the desire and need to connect. We are social beings who thrive on healthy relationships. And yet, the importance of positive relationships in our schools is often overlooked.

Despite the proven connection between positive relationships and student achievement, some discount relationship building in middle grades and high schools as a bunch of "fluff" more appropriate for the elementary school.

For middle grades kids who are trying to gain some independence and figure out which way is up, relationships with classmates and teachers are crucial to success. I offer seven relationship-based strategies that can transform your classroom into a positive learning environment.

1. Be the CEO of your classroom.

Students look for reasons to respect and follow you. You must send the message from Day One that you are in control and worthy of their respect.

This message, however, should not convey an overbearing, authoritarian, inflexible approach. Striking the right balance between being approachable without being their friend is the challenge and art of teaching.

Communicate to your students your absolutes. Establish the boundaries and don't move them. Because conflict is a part of growing up, they will test those lines. Be firm.

Still, keep rules to a minimum. Review and practice these rules the first weeks of school. Don't make the false assumption that students know what you want from them. Simply stating rules and putting them on the wall is not sufficient. Discussing, practicing, and reinforcing your rules are crucial to ensuring all students thoroughly understand your expectations.

2. Embrace their individuality.

If we are honest with ourselves, we must admit that embracing students for who they are is likely one of the toughest challenges for educators. Young adolescents are trying to sort out who they are and how to "show up" in life; sagging pants or piercings don't tell the whole story. You can give them a gift by embracing them for their individuality and uniqueness rather than giving in to stereotyping and judging.

At the beginning of the year, pass out a student profile form. Ask about hobbies, family, goals, dreams, talents, interests, likes, dislikes, and favorite things. Spend time reading these profiles and using the information to connect with your students in casual conversation.

Taking an interest in their lives, their quirks, and their desire to dance to their own beat is often the most powerful strategy you can use to open that door and reach a child.

3. Create a community within the classroom.

Help students get to know each other. The sooner you are able to help students realize that there are more similarities than differences among them, the more comfortable they will be in the class. You can do this in several ways.

Pair up students and give them three minutes to find as many similarities between themselves as possible, such as love baseball, play the guitar, been to Canada, have two brothers. Then combine pairs so four people are trying to find similarities in three minutes. When they realize how much they have in common, they'll help you build a more productive learning environment.

Give students two or three minutes to share their life highlights with a partner, who then shares this information with the class. Reverse roles and do it again. This activity will quickly get everyone talking and learning something about everyone else.

Get a large 12-month wall calendar that you can write on with dry erase markers. Let students mark their birthday on the calendar. They will find even more similarities among themselves as they see who has birthdays close to theirs or are the same zodiac sign. You could even designate someone to compile a list of all birthdays that fall in each month of the year and come up with a unique way to celebrate each month's birthdays.

4. Let them get to know a part of you.

Some educators really struggle with this concept because they fear familiarity might create a more undisciplined atmosphere in the classroom. The fact is, the more comfortable your students are with you, the more relaxed and receptive they will be.

Have students submit questions they would like to ask you about yourself. Designate time at the end of class on random days and just pull out questions and answer them. You can have a lot of fun with this, and it will help your students begin seeing you as a real person.

Another strategy is to share hobbies, favorite sports teams, pets, talents, books, movies, and music. I've known educators who brought in tomato plants and let their students help grow them, or who incorporated juggling or singing or their love of sports into lessons and dialogue.

One colleague met with several students before school and during lunch to work on guitar riffs together. One of those students told me that playing guitar with that teacher was the only thing that kept him coming to school.

Don't be afraid to let your hair down and have a little F-U-N with your students.

5. Learn all students' names within 48 hours.

Many students feel invisible as they walk down hallways and can literally go the entire day without talking to anyone. When you address your students by name, you are showing them respect. It sends the message that they are important enough for you to take the time to learn and use their names. Acknowledging an individual creates a connection.

After you learn their names, use them everywhere: in the class, in the hallway, and in the cafeteria. Some students will be shocked that you addressed them by their name after only two days, and it will have an impact.

Nicknames can be even more powerful because of the uniqueness to that individual. When I was 13, my middle school principal nicknamed me "Slim," and years later, when I saw him in town, he still called me "Slim." Even as an adult, that made me smile and I felt the same feeling that I did when I was 13: special.

6. Examine and improve nonverbal communication.

We all know how dreadful speeches and presentations can be when the speaker is unenthusiastic and disconnected from the audience. It's all about effective communication.

Are you connecting with your students and presenting yourself and the material in a way that gives them a reason to get excited, to sit up and pay attention? Do your body language, voice inflection, volume, and facial expressions convey a sense of high energy, excitement, and relevance?

Do you smile at your students? I've worked with teachers who wouldn't smile if you paid them. SMILE! It is welcoming, inviting, high energy. Students (and even more so, students from poverty) rely heavily on nonverbal communication and are always watching those around them for their nonverbal cues.

Ask a trusted colleague to observe you and take notes about your nonverbal communication for a class period. Honest assessment and feedback are crucial, and helpful to making positive changes. Or, set up a video camera in the back of the room, turn it on, and press record. When you review the tape, it will serve as a powerful reminder of those things you do that are surprising, distracting, repetitive, annoying, boring, or irritating. This one painful exercise can fast forward improvement in your nonverbal communication and your overall presentations.

We are all lifetime learners. You can't improve if you don't know what to work on. Be brave-take the plunge! Your students will thank you.

7. Treat all students with dignity and respect at all times.

What if all the teachers in your school embraced the concept that their classroom would be a Yell Free Zone? What if every administrator could say to every parent in the community, "My personal pledge to you is that your child will never be yelled at by any adult in this building"? How would that transform the culture and climate within the school? Within your classroom? Within the community?

As adults, we may be the only positive role models in many of our students' lives. As frustrated as we get at times, we should never yell at or demean a student. When we incorporate good manners in our classrooms and maintain a consistent demeanor, we show respect and help our students understand and learn the power of positive, healthy interaction.

Sometimes we lose our temper, overreact, or respond negatively toward a student because of something that's going on in our own lives. My plea to every educator is to maintain a personal routine of exercise and healthy nutrition to decrease stress, increase energy, and help maintain a positive attitude toward every student.

All About Relationships

Positive relationships truly have the ability and the power to unleash untapped potential in our students. While many teachers may not think they have the time to spend building relationships, I suggest that we don't have the time not to. Relationships and instruction are not an either-or proposition, but are rather an incredible combination. Research tells us this combination will increase engagement, motivation, test scores, and grade point averages while decreasing absenteeism, dropout rates, and discipline issues.

Begin to unleash the power of positive relationships in your classroom.
Previously published in Middle Ground magazine, August 2010
Tara Brown, an AMLE member, is an educator, speaker, trainer, and author of Different Cultures-Common Ground: 85 Proven Strategies to Connect in the Classroom. E-mail: tbrown@leadersedgeconsulting.org

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The research is clear: humans are literally "hard-wired" with the desire and need to connect. We are social beings who thrive on healthy relationships. And yet, the importance of positive relationships in our schools is often overlooked.

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TALKING CIRCLES: FOR RESTORATIVE JUSTICE AND BEYOND | TEACHING TOLERANCE – DIVERSITY, EQUITY AND JUSTICE

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TALKING CIRCLES: FOR RESTORATIVE JUSTICE AND BEYOND | TEACHING TOLERANCE – DIVERSITY, EQUITY AND JUSTICE

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This teacher’s blog post explains how she uses Talking Circles in a variety of ways to build relationships, establish a safe and respectful learning environment, and check for understanding. She describes how she establishes norms and how she uses circles weekly in her advisory meeting and during her reading instruction, in addition to using them for restorative purposes to support students in managing their behavior and being accountable to their community.

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As more schools consider restorative practice in areas of discipline, Talking Circles, a core component of the restorative justice process, enter the conversation. A Talking Circle, sometimes called a Peacemaking Circle, uses a structural framework to build relationships and to address conflict within a community. But Talking Circles serve other purposes as well: They create safe spaces, build connections and offer teachers a unique means of formative assessment.

The Talking Circle Process

Begin by gathering in a circle and creating norms that will help build trust in the space. In my class, we write our norms on a poster board placed in the center of our Circle. A talking piece, an object of significance chosen by Circle members, is passed around inviting equal participation. Whoever holds the talking piece is invited to speak, while all others listen to and support the speaker. To familiarize students with this process, you might ask them, "What does it look and sound like to listen respectfully?"

The Circle Keeper facilitates the Talking Circle by selecting the time and place, inviting members and preparing introductory remarks. Once the group reviews its established norms, the Circle Keeper can read a short piece of text to set the tone or just dive into the first question or reflection. Although the Circle Keeper is the facilitator, she participates as an equal member of the group. Once students learn the process, they can be invited to be Circle Keepers-an empowering process.

Restorative Justice in Schools

Restorative justice is a philosophy that recognizes that alternative approaches are needed in our criminal justice and school disciplinary systems. As research shows, suspensions and expulsions are often linked to higher rates of future involvement with the criminal justice system. This impact, often called the school-to-prison pipeline, disproportionately impacts students of color and students with disabilities.

A Talking Circle can be part of restorative justice when used as an alternative to traditional suspensions and expulsions. To begin, invite students who have been involved in a conflict at school to participate in the Circle. In this confidential process, students can invite an ally to attend. As the Circle progresses, the students are welcomed to speak openly about their experiences, as well as to seek support and plan action steps to repair the harm done. All in all, the Circle space is about accountability to one's community.

Building Connections in a Safe Space

My middle school made a clear decision that we wanted all students to have a close connection with at least one adult in our building. Thus, we began using Talking Circles in each of our advisory periods once a week. Students and advisors select questions that are meaningful to them or that connect to a relevant current event or community need. Often students raise concerns about inequities, bullying and conflicts within their classes. When appropriate, and with students' permission, we create action plans to help alleviate the stressors in their lives and intercept systemic injustices.

I have been amazed at the strong relationships that develop. One student expressed, "I began to realize that you all [teachers] are real people too and that you have gone through some of the same stuff we have." Another student reflected, "You know, I didn't really know some of you before the year began. Now I feel like each of you has become a part of my family." The Circle allows students to feel vulnerable, to take risks and to speak their truth. Thus, I believe Talking Circles, used in partnership with appropriate actions, have the potential to help restore justice to our youth.

Formative Assessment Tool

In my reading class, I often use Talking Circles to gauge my students' background knowledge of a topic or to assess their understanding of key concepts or text. For example, I might say, "Let's think a little more about the poems we read during our close reading yesterday. What is the author's message about injustice? How do the characters convey this message?" As the Talking Piece moves around the Circle, I mentally monitor students' progress, asking myself, "Did they get this? What surprises me? Where do we need to look more closely? What do we need to reread later?" Because each student is able to voice his or her thoughts, I'm able to differentiate and plan next steps accordingly.

As you can tell, Talking Circles are a cornerstone of my classroom practice. They allow children to see their community as a place of significance, a place of positive change and a place where their voices are heard. How might you use them in your practice?
Bintliff is a reading teacher at Oregon Middle School in Oregon, Wis. She is also a recipient of the 2014 Teaching Tolerance Award for Excellence in Teaching.

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Talking Circles: For Restorative Justice and Beyond

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As more schools consider restorative practice in areas of discipline, Talking Circles, a core component of the restorative justice process, enter the conversation. A Talking Circle, sometimes called a Peacemaking Circle, uses a structural framework to build relationships and to address conflict within a community.

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EDUCATIONAL LEADERSHIP: RELATIONSHIPS FIRST: WHAT TO DO IN WEEK ONE?

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EDUCATIONAL LEADERSHIP: RELATIONSHIPS FIRST: WHAT TO DO IN WEEK ONE?

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This article offers helpful suggestions for cultivating positive teacher-student relationships within the classroom during the first week of school and beyond. The writer describes the importance of recognizing each student as an individual and provides several useful strategies that can be implemented any time to create a climate where students feel known, valued, and welcomed.

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To process a transaction with a Purchase Order please send to member@ascd.org

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This collection of activities offers a variety of ways to encourage positive communications and interactions among students, which can help to create a safe and supportive learning environment for everyone. The menu includes a variety of simple community-building activities designed to build positive classroom culture, which are easy to implement with students at a range of grade levels.

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Acknowledgment: Students write positive acknowledgments for each other on paper plates.