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Hi Cooper! A strength of your piece was when I read the sentence “we stood there looking at the puddles of mud, as if we were back on earth”. I liked how you joined two settings together to form a simile that tells the reader what your style of Venus' environment is like, unlike the true Venus which is hot and dry like a desert. In addition, I liked the very last paragraph of when you put a made-up planet (or a real planet) as a target for your character’s spaceship (or other vehicle/rocket). It gave a sci-fi sense, and that’s what a fictional space trip should include if I were to read it. However, I think you could fix the capital/lowercase letters in the middle of sentences (not proper nouns). “I could Taste the guilt”, should be “t” instead of “T”, and “Uncle jack” should be capitalized. But overall your piece was amazing!

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One strength of your essay is the exaggeration that caught my eye in the first paragraph. “Mountains of bags” was an amazing portion of your essay and being a person that is touching on the same issue, I can see the unity of the situation and how many people are using the same piece to support their side. In addition, the “Look to the future” was really full and the phrase “go crazy” really shows how the future with no video games can really be an atrocity. One thing that I would work on is in the first paragraph, the claim and reason. The claim is fine, but I could change the reason to “For instance, video games can help with certain parts of the brain”. But overall, I had a great time reading over your essay!

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A strength of your memoir “Bug’d” is the way you described your house. You said that it was as soft as your brother's hair. You said you let your hand flow through the railing as if you were surfing. Another strength is the way the bug’s were described. They were described by their looks and size. The centipede was “as long as a small ruler” and the spider was “as hairy as a monkey” My one wish for this memoir is the way you could have worded the ending. You could add more about how you felt after the bugs were removed. You could explain in detail how you felt when you were fighting the bugs.

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I really enjoyed reading your piece, you added a lot of detail and plenty of similes, metaphors, and you had great exaggerations. My favorite part was when you spotted all the bugs and you started to breath heavily because it showed your fear of bugs and really brought the story to life. I think you need to reread your piece a few times because I saw a few issues with grammar and such. The most common one I saw was you would put a comma and then no space after, like this. “The ball rolled,it was really loud.” Overall your piece was amazing and I really enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work!

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A strength in your memoir was the Click Click Click which was interesting to me and made me like your memoir more. Also, you made some fun parts like your neighbor being mad. Only if you can explain how the problem started will be better for me. Over all, not bad Cooper!

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I found your subtle references to pop culture or other things you like very trusting and works more of peaks of interest for readers to spot for refreshment in your writing.  I also enjoyed your fragments of inventive writing that kept the reader hooked and being reeled in and how my stars wrap together so nicely to make your memoir a beautiful thing. Just a little food for thought is how your writing flies is the way that I would put it and for me it was a slight task to keep up with your external chronological perspective.

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One thing I really enjoyed about your memoir was that you put it in a sensible plot leading up to the problem. That helped me visualize the moment. Second, I also enjoyed how you used similes in a purposeful way. You gave specific examples like “like back to the future III”. That explained the item or thought you had really well. One thing I think you could improve on is your italicized inner thoughts. It was difficult to find and recognize some of your inner thoughts. If you could italicize your inner thoughts, I think it would help the reader more easily find what you’re thinking!

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From the picture, you might know who this is already. If you don’t, it’s me Adam from Social Studies. I just read your writing piece and its really good! I really liked the part when you said you liked dogs and you wanted a dog because I really love dogs too and wanted one for so long (we have one now and got it in 2017) (it took so long to convince my dad). Another part what I like is the food part especially when you mentioned chicken because even though I’m almost 12 now I still love chicken tenders and fries (I don’t think I will ever grow out of chicken and fries) However, I would like to see some more thing about you, especially at the end with the cats and dogs thing. You went a little bit off-topic so maybe edit that a little bit. Other than that, it was an amazing writing piece!

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I really liked how you incorporated your likes in dislikes in such detail. I also like how you showed us the scene of when your dad calls you for bed. I think this about me is very good.

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One of the parts that caught my eye was that you included adjectives including “cheesy Cheetos”. That can make the reader feel as though they were eating Cheetos at that moment. Another strength is that you made connections for the reader. An example of this is when you said “I know you all hate when your dad says this”. That really made me think about how miserable I am when my dad says that it’s bedtime. One thing that I think you should improve on is your strong word choice. When you said “coming out of the hot water/soup”,  I was left curious about what the taste of the water or soup was. Was it spicy, mild, thick, runny, or even full of vegetables?

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I enjoyed how you really related and talked to the reader using only writing like in your About Me paragraph when you said: “bet some of you readers love. . ..” or “I’ll show you the scene”.

Another piece of your website that I enjoyed was your intention of painting a scene for the readers and giving a bit of your life as a small story to use as a hook. One piece of criticism that I politely give is that the same short story that I wrote about was a little confusing to me and how you put it but other than that you're About Me seems like you really like writing. Keep up all the good things you’ve done so far.