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This website is about the Positive Discipline Association and it promotes and encourages the development of life skills and respectful relationships in families, schools, and businesses

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Positive Discipline Association promotes and encourages the development of life skills and respectful relationships in families, schools, businesses and communities.

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Seven Tips for Practicing Positive Discipline

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Seven Tips for Practicing Positive Discipline

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This PBS article helps parents use positive discipline when it comes to talking to their children.

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Seven Tips for Practicing Positive Discipline
By Bridget Bentz Sizer
It's the ultimate do-as-I-say-and-not-as-I-do parenting moment: your preschooler throws a fit because there are blueberries in her pancake-and she didn't want blueberries in her pancake!-and, in an effort to control her tantrum, you counter with your own: "Stop yelling now!"

You have just entered into a disciplinary arms race in which there are no winners-only hurt feelings, sore throats and soaring blood pressure. But parenting doesn't have to be a battle. Proponents of positive discipline teach that kids can-and will-behave without threats, bribes, yelling and physicality. Here are seven tips that will set you on the path to better behavior-and a stronger, more peaceful connection with your child.

1. Understand the meaning behind the behavior. Naomi Aldort, the author of "Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves," says that children want to behave well; if they seem to miss the mark, it's not without a valid reason. "The most important [thing] is to realize that whatever a child does, we may label as bad, [but really] the child is doing the best he can. It's our job as parents to find out why [he is] doing it," says Aldort. "Once we know the valid root of the behavior, we can easily remove the cause or heal the emotions, and the child won't be driven to behave in that way anymore."

So ask yourself: is your child hitting her sibling in a desperate bid for your attention? Maybe you stayed on the phone too long or ignored her as you rushed to get dinner on the table. If so, what correction can you make to your own behavior that will satisfy your child's need? "A lot of what we expect of children is unreasonable," says Aldort.

2. Focus on controlling yourself-not your child. It's hard to keep cool in the heat of the moment, butDr. Katharine C. Kersey, the author of "The 101s: A Guide to Positive Discipline," says that parents need to model the types of behavior they want their children to emulate. Remember, yelling begets yelling, hitting begets hitting. " We should not do anything in front of [our children] that we don't want them to do," she advises. In the case of an extreme behavioral flare-up, this may mean counting to 10, taking a deep breath or simply walking away until you've had time to collect yourself.

Jim Fay, the founder of the organization Love and Logic, agrees. "Anger and frustration feed misbehavior," he says. Fay offers an unusual tactic for keeping your voice in check: instead of yelling that your child is doing something wrong, try singing it. Fay teaches parents what he calls the "Uh Oh" song. If a child throws a toy after he's been asked to stop, you might sing, "Uh Oh, that's sad you threw your truck again. I think it's time the truck went away."

3. Be consistent with your expectations. Aldort says that parents often overlook a certain behavior in the hope that it will pass. "But guess what?" she says. "It doesn't pass." If your child bites another child, for instance, you should hold her arm and tell her that the behavior is not acceptable. If she continues, then it is time to remove her from the situation.

Sometimes a child might try to test the limits by arguing with the rules. When this happens, Fay suggests neutralizing negotiations by repeating one simple mantra as often as necessary: "I love you too much to argue."

4. Give attention to the behavior you like-not the behavior you don't. Children often act up because they want your attention, so sometimes it pays to ignore those actions you don't want to see more of. Kersey calls this the "Rain on the grass, not on the weeds" principle. Tantrums and whining? Play deaf or walk away, and your child will quickly learn that there's a better way to communicate.

5. Redirect, redirect, redirect. Kids who hear "No" or "Don't" all the time tend to tune those directives out. Soinstead of telling your child what not to do, Kersey recommends instead offering a positive behavior to replace the misbehavior. For instance, a child acting up at the grocery store could be enlisted to help pick out oranges or rearrange the items in a grocery cart, or a kid running around a swimming pool might be challenged to walk "as if on marshmallows."

6. Exploit the "energy drain." Any parent who's been in the trenches knows how tiring it is when a child acts up-but did you know that that fatigue can be used to your advantage? Fay calls this the "energy drain" principle. For instance, you might defuse a sibling confrontation by saying, "Wow, you need to take that fight with your brother somewhere else, because listening to that could cause me a big energy drain, and I don't think I'll have the energy to take you to the park after dinner."

7. Don't bribe. It may be tempting to offer your child a cookie for behaving well during an outing, but Fay warns against it. Offering a child a reward sends the wrong message; what kids hear is "'You don't want to be very good and you have to be paid off,'" says Fay.

Instead, Fay says, "the best reward for a kid is time with the parents." Kersey agrees that quality time is key to a happy, well-behaved child. She recommends that each parent spend at least 15 minutes one-on-one connecting with a child every day. "Do something your child wants to do [during that time]," says Kersey. "Whisper in their ear how wonderful they are, how much you love them. ... It's the best investment you can make in your child."

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Bridget Bentz Sizer's writing has appeared in the Kenyon Review and The Washington Post, as well as on NPR.org and Discovery.com. She lives in Baltimore with her husband and two children.

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Seven Tips for Practicing Positive Discipline . Talking With Kids . PBS Parents | PBS

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By Bridget Bentz Sizer It's the ultimate do-as-I-say-and-not-as-I-do parenting moment: your preschooler throws a fit because there are blueberries in her pancake-and she didn't want blueberries in her pancake!-and, in an effort to control her tantrum, you counter with your own: "Stop yelling now!"

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This website is about the book earlier referenced. It has a blog, information, events, training opportunities, etc

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Products for Parents

Positive Discipline teaches young people from an early age to become responsible, respectful, and resourceful members of their communities. Based on the best-selling Positive Discipline parenting books by child psychologist Dr. Jane Nelsen, Positive Discipline teaches important social and life skills in a manner that is deeply respectful and encouraging for both children and parents. Recent research tells us that children are hardwired from birth to connect with others, and that children who feel a sense of connection to their community, family, and school are less likely to misbehave. Positive Discipline is based on the understanding that the key to positive parenting is not punishment, but mutual respect.

Products for Teachers

Do you find yourself spending time in the classroom controlling behavior and confronting apathetic students? You don't have to - Positive Discipline's proven, time-tested classroom management strategies foster cooperation and mutual respect in children. Positive Discipline in the Classroom gives you the tools to create a classroom atmosphere that motivates students and enhances learning.

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The Official Positive Discipline Website by Founder Dr. Jane Nelsen - Solutions for Parents and Teachers

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Try to understand the meaning behind a child's behavior. COMMUNICATION IS KEY

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Give limits for rules and limits

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State limits effectively

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Issue only a few suggestions at a time; avoid giving a chain of limits

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Give child chooses whenever possible

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It creates a healthy and respectful relationship between the parent and child.

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Jane Nelson, Author

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Online Learning

Positive Discipline offers online learning options for parents, teachers, and parent educators. Learn in the comfort of your own home and at your own pace. You have unlimited access to our online streaming programs, so you can watch and re-watch the videos as often as you like.

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For twenty-five years, Positive Discipline has been the gold standard reference for grown-ups working with children. Now Jane Nelsen, distinguished psychologist, educator, and mother of seven, has written a revised and expanded edition. The key to positive discipline is not punishment, she tells us, but mutual respect.

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I'm Dr. Ari Brown and I'm going to explain what it means to be an authoritative or positive parents. This approach is kind of like running a democracy, except mom and dad have the final say. Positive parents value mutual respect. They respond to their child's needs and they're very nurturing. But they expect their child to respect them, talk to them and follow directions and rules. Positive parents are good listeners. They encourage cooperation by hearing what their child has to say. A positive parent might say, "I understand how you feel. Let's figure out a way to make this work and we'll both be happy." Positive parents are consistent and fair. They set up rules and boundaries and then they stick to them because they believe that placing appropriate demands on a child fosters independence and self control. Positive parents use non-physical discipline strategies. They turn a child's mistake into a teaching moment where a child learns a logical consequence for his error. They do not believe in spanking. Numerous studies have shown that kids who grow up in a positive parenting household are generally pretty happy people with high self-esteem. They're good at taking personal responsibility, keeping their emotions in check and getting along with others. This parenting style is a balance of setting reasonable expectations in a nurturing and loving way.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
I'm Dr. Ari Brown and I'm going to explain what it means to be an authoritative or positive parents. This approach is kind of like running a democracy, except mom and dad have the final say. Positive parents value mutual respect. They respond to their child's needs and they're very nurturing.

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Positive discipline teaches important social and life skills in a respectful and encouraging manner for both the children and parents