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I am going to right about the "Bombardier Beetle"

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Boston Terriers

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Pets

Wish you had a secret decoder guide to cat language and behavior? Here's a primer to things your cat wishes you understood.

Please do not disturb my nap on your laptop or keyboard

iStock/Anna Lurye

You people talk and talk about how much you need to work on the computer so you wake us up and push us off, but we know what you're really planning to do on them: watch videos of cats. Weird. Don't you humans realize that cats must get an average of 12 to 16 hours of shut-eye a day, or we're just useless? Also, our delicate cat bodies need the warmth from your computer: Our ideal temperature is 20 degrees higher than that of you humans.

Quit taking photos of me (I'm not a Kardashian)

iStock/elenaleonova

You humans can't seem to stop snapping pix with your phones when you're around us, but you resort to sneaky tactics like waving around fun toys to get our attention but dropping them as soon as we turn around. This is cruel. If we cats are willing to let you capture us on film, the least you can do is provide us with a bit of play time in exchange-or let a cartoon cat amuse you instead. There is one thing that you don't have to worry about when it comes to photography : Camera flashes do not harm cats' eyes. But they will frequently produce a spooky glow caused by the tapetum lucidum, a layer of ultra-reflective cells in feline eyes which helps us see in low light. Here are 17 more things you never knew about your cat.

Hands off the belly, 'kay?

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You assume that when we show you our stomachs, we're being friendly. Yes, in some cases, this is a normal cat behavior that signifies chumminess. But at other times, it's the opposite-it's cat language for "You wanna fight? Bring it on." Displaying the belly is a defensive move that shows potential enemies that all of our limbs and claws are primed and ready to go into attack mode. And there's one other common reason we flash our tummies: we're simply trying to stretch.

I'm perfectly capable of bathing myself, thanks

iStock/jakubzak

Some scientists speculate that today's cats do not like to swim or get wet because ever since they were domesticated some 5,000 to 10,000 years ago, they've been protected from the rain and snow by human companions. In addition, it's true that cat hair "doesn't dry quickly and it's simply uncomfortable to be soaking wet," Kelley Bollen, the director of behavior programs for the College of Veterinary Medicine at Cornell University told Live Science. Bollen added, "I also think because cats are control freaks and like [to have] four feet on a solid surface, they do not appreciate the sensation of floating." Who needs baths and showers anyway? Cats are born complete with the essential grooming tools: paws, a rough, barbed tongue, and saliva. But even though we hate being dunked in water, you must ensure we have enough to drink, especially if our diet consists of dry food (canned food is about 78 percent water). Regardless of what we eat, always provide your cat with a separate water bowl and change and clean it daily.

We cats have no problems with (our) nudity

iStock/Anna Lurye

Humans are filled with the merciless urge to inflict hats, ties, dresses, and other clothing items on us. But what do we look like to you ... dogs? We hate to feel enclosed or confined, and while you may catch us kneading on one of your sweaters, we're merely enjoying the texture of the knit under our paws; that doesn't mean we want to wear it. We don't need clothes to stay covered: our coats contain up to 130,000 hairs per square inch. Fun fact: Did you know that the surface area of a single cat, if you include all of its hair, is roughly the same as the surface area of a ping-pong table?

Quit blaming my hair for your allergies

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Why are so many humans allergic to us? (Cat allergies are reportedly twice as common as dog allergies.) You don't see any cats having allergies to humans, do you? And you humans are so quick to point to our hair as the culprit. But what actually causes your sneezes and coughs is a tenacious and super-adhesive protein found on cat skin called "Fel d 1." And we're sorry to break it to you people who went to the expense and trouble of buying a so-called "hypoallergenic" cat, but such a breed does not exist. Some breeds do produce less Fel d 1 than others, but all cats produce it.

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Enjoy the BEST stories, advice & jokes!

We truly wish you'd find yourself another animal to demonize

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If a black cat crosses your path, you'll have bad luck. Don't leave a cat around a sleeping baby; it will suck out the baby's breath. Cats are the preferred companion of witches and villains. It's taken centuries for us cats to rise above all this negative (and just plain false) publicity. Stop spreading these lies. Instead, you humans should stick to what your species does best: talking smack about each other.

Can you stop your species from shaming the humans who love us? Love, Cats

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While people who like dogs are perceived as extroverted, good-natured, and active, the people who prefer cats are taunted with the offensive phrase "crazy cat lady"-i.e., an obsessive, antisocial shut-in. This hurts our feelings. And we have one other bone to pick: what's up with using the word "catty" to mean malicious or spiteful?

We're early risers, so deal with it

iStock/Korkiat

When we meow right before dawn-a time when you're probably trying to get a little more sleep before your alarm goes off-we're doing what comes naturally. And our circadian rhythms shift with the seasons just as yours do. When the days get longer and the birds and squirrels are up and at 'em earlier, so are we. You could feed us to stop our meows, but know that this will reinforce our cat behavior. If you're serious about curbing our early wake-up calls, start by installing blackout shades or blinds in your bedroom so the sun won't rouse us. Then, stick to strict feeding times for us: once in the morning (but not right after you rise because then we'll associate your getting out of bed with getting fed) and once shortly before you go to bed (to try to delay our hunger). Finally, be patient: You are attempting to undo thousands of years (if not more) of ingrained cat behavior. You may have to accept defeat. Just remember to look out for these subtle signs your cat is depressed.

When we stop, drop, and roll, it's usually no accident

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Look at the time and location of our antics for clues about why we're doing it, because it's often a hey-look-at-me strategy. Does it happen when you're on your phone? On your computer? Putting on your shoes before leaving the house? Remember, you humans hobnob with plenty of your kind every day. Most of us cats possess a much smaller audience-the people who live with us-so be generous with your appreciation.

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Cat Behavior: Things Your Cat Wants to Tell You | Reader's Digest

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View as slideshow Pets Wish you had a secret decoder guide to cat language and behavior? Here's a primer to things your cat wishes you understood. iStock/Anna Lurye You people talk and talk about how much you need to work on the computer so you wake us up and push us off, but we know what you're really planning to do on them: watch videos of cats.

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