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Everyday we smile in hopes of fooling ourselves we are okay. Though we are not okay at all. People think we are perfectly fine and happy. If they were to see inside out heads or our memories they'd never look us in the eyes again. Some would maybe laugh, others would be terrified of us, some would be nice and kind from that point on. But, they can't see inside of us. We hide it because we think no one would understand. Some don't then others do. Depression is like an addiction or obsession. You get addicted to the feeling of pain and think it'll always be there. You obsess over the pain and wish it were gone. Or some love the pain and are addicted to the pain of harming oneself. That is depression not some little "I lost my phone" or a little sadness from the hurt or pain of little. No depression is feeling numb no mater what. It is holding back the tears and waiting to be alone. It is fighting to stay sane. It is hiding our pain with smiles. It is the scars left behind that haunt your every waking moment. That is depression at it's finest

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They cover our bodies to mask the pain inside. Or to show that we are alive and surviving. No mater why we made the scars they are there. Blood it like a swift kiss running out of our body. So beautiful and sacred. These marking are our battle scars

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It kills us too. When someone we love dies we hurt. We cry ourselves until we are number than anything. Sometimes we can't stop. But, we always wait until we are alone. For nothing is worse than letting people know we are depressed. We grieve differently than anyone. We cut to soothe the pain and mask our hurt and grief. We push away family so they don't know. We try to move on but, we can't and we wont. Death hurts, grief kills. Everybody deals with grief and death differently.

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Some of us were abused. Either Mentally, Physically, or Sexually. No mater the way it happened. We ask ourselves why? What did I do? Or we blame ourselves for the abuse. Even some take up for others in their family. Abuse is a nasty thing that happens. We can't forget it ever. But, one day we hope we can forgive the people for us not them.

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It stays with us 24/7. Knocking in our head. It waits to strike again and finish it's job. We are in this never ending pain. Pain is another word for hurt. It keeps us awake and ready to feel it again