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Storymap (A3)to record for clarifying / delving deeper and the understanding the chain of events. Supports ākonga in articulating

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Persistence - try and try again. Be open, vulnerable and honest

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Have an open mind

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Drawing down what the ākonga are telling me into a comic strip

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Be prepared with what ever you are going to say or do. In the heat of the moment, know how you feel and may react.

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Try again the next day, or the day after that....

Check out all sides of the story. Find witnesses.

Write notes

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Listen well

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"I understand what you are saying..."

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Being Open. Using a calm approach (in your tone). Creating culture of trust and care. There has to be a relationship there before hand. Building relationship with Whanau.

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A group of girls had been calling each other nasty names. This had to be talked about before it got any worse (get in early).Today I talked with akonga involved individually then got them together to discuss the issue.When we were all together I had them each tell their side to the story (only one person to speak at once). I clarified what they said by repeating. After each akonga had said their part we discussed as a group how to move forward. Today I stated that if this was to continue then we would have to take it further and explained how we need to have each others backs. Check-ins were then made throughout the day. Carla Taiaroa

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A group of girls had been calling each other nasty names. This had to be talked about before it got any worse (get in early).Today I talked with akonga involved individually then got them together to discuss the issue.When we were all together I had them each tell their side to the story (only one person to speak at once). I clarified what they said by repeating. After each akonga had said their part we discussed as a group how to move forward. Today I stated that if this was to continue then we would have to take it further and explained how we need to have each others backs. Check-ins were then made throughout the day. Carla Taiaroa

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Be aware of YOUR script, and be prepared to put it in the bin.

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Use a strategy to guide convo eg WARM

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What happened?
How are you feeling?
Use the curious tone....

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Important to let each participant know they will be heard.
Mirror what they have said for clarity

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Being calm and not going into a restorative with a pre conceived idea of what happened. Being able to listen to both sides and giving them equal opportunity to share.

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Taking your time.

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Ask child to look at other child's face and ask how you think they are feeling?

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Ask child to look at other child's face and ask how you think they are feeling?

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Andrea

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Keeping calm in your korero

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Follow-up, check in the next day

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Take time to get prepared. Explain this process needs some time, but all voices will be heard soon.

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Actions that follow - practical ways to rebuild the relationship

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Proactive circles - building trust and capacity to talk in front of others about personal things.

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Proactive circles - building trust and capacity to talk in front of others about personal things.

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Andrea

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Recognising the need for emotions to arise in ourselves and in others. Create the culture and space for acceptance of these for when they do to hold the restoration space. It may need sometime to be overcome and then return to the hui.

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-Clear expectations; keep all involved safe. "Culture of Care"
-Follow up with relationship, situation etc..
-Making sure everyone is heard and get their say

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Write notes as you go.
Ensure participants are in a calm space both mentally and physically

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Showing that you have a sense of care. Follow up's key - making sure that they are ok. Being firm but fair

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Wait until both sides are ready to talk about what has happened. Use a story board or map out the sequence of events to help them. Don't worry about the why focus on the who and the what and the how

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Andrea

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Ensuring that all parties get a chance to speak without being interrupted and that everyones feelings/reactions are acknowledged and addressed

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Make sure that both sides are ready and willing to work things out together. Give students time to calm down, process etc.

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Making sure both parties want to make it right before starting

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Using a map of the situation to explain what had happened, looking at the changes between each others' ideas of what went on

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Tailor the conversation to the ākonga.  As the process will be foreign for many you will probably need to repeat many times.

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Understand that everyone has a different perspective.

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How were you affected/who have you affected?

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Express feelings, not thoughts. Happy, excited, angry, sad, annoyed, nervous, afraid, etc.

Express the need behind the feeling, take responsibility for your feelings and needs.

Make clear, objective requests. Be prepared to hear a "No".

E.g.: "I'm feeling annoyed because I need quiet when I'm working. Could you move away when you want to sing music?"

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What did you think would happen....

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ensure that both parties have agreed to restoring the relationship.

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ensure that both parties have agreed to restoring the relationship.

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Seta Timo

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Make sure both parties are ready to talk before the conversation - feeling comfortable and safe

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Discuss what empathy means, and how the other person is feeling and why they are feeling that way.

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Sounds like that was difficult for you

Retrospective responding, what I heard you say is.....

Stating what you observe rather than what your judgement is

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Use names instead of pronouns

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Check in again after its been sorted (next day/week etc) to ensure that its still good and that all parties are doing what they said they would do during the conversation.
Ensure clarity and understanding throughout the restorative so everyone knows exactly what is happening.

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Using visuals of a storymap

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Avoid asking “why?”

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Everyone has the opportunity to speak without interruption.

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When things happen we all see it from different perspectives and that's okay but it's important that we listen to what those perspectives are.

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Follow up on any agreements - be visible in doing so
otg

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What’s happened?

Who have you affected?

How are you going to fix it?
(Asking Why is not helpful).

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Try to make sure each party has a desired outcome before entering a restorative conversation.

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Creating some universal cultural rules, like keeping all peoples mana intact
Not using abusive accusations
Taking care to be neutral
Offering empathy to all sides
Trying not to take sides while supporting the people to understand their parts in the situation

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Get them to draw or write a story line of what has happened, can be easier than articulating it.

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Ask for a replay of events as if watching a movie - 'what would we have seen' - to help ākonga tell what happened.

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Make sure both parties are calm and ready to meet and understand the reason and aim of the meeting.

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I am going to explore using visuals for kids with trauma.

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Don't ask WHY as it can actually cause more conflict.

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Be calm. Use drawings to help ākonga retell events. Take time and be mindful of whether ākonga are ready to engage. W

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Listen actively. Rephrase what they say to you, to show understanding, and ask them to tell you what they heard you say, to check for understanding.

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Be calm, make sure both parties have a time to speak and are equally heard. It is ..... turn to speak and it is really important that you give them their time to speak and they will do the same for you.

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Complete the process with students, rather than to them or for them.

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Don't ask why , focus on on whats happened and who has it affected.
talking about emotional consequences and concrete consequences

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Leave out the question of why. Understand and let the tamariki know that both parties may have seen things differently and that that is ok.

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WARM (What, Affect, Repair, Move)

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Go in to a discussion without judgement. Make sure all parties involved knows this and that you are believable.

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If an ākonga comes to you with a grievance about someone else, listen and then ask if there’s anything else that you should know (this is a good chance to hear whether there is more to the story that you’re probably going to find out later when you talk to the other party).

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What happened?
Who have you affected?
What do you need to do to make things right?

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Make sure all parties are ready to have the restorative. Do not push it or you will cause more damage and a breakdown of the relationship(s) between you and the akonga.

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When approaching the other party do it on your own if anyone is het up. And don’t come at a situation assuming that you know all the facts, or that you know who the ‘wrongdoer’ is. Instead approach the other party and ask what happened. This is often the most interesting part of the conversation, because sometimes they just smile sheepishly and admit that they are at fault straight away, but sometimes you find out a completely different picture. Ask questions like, how would that have affected them? what needs to happen next to make things right? Encourage a course of action if you want but leave some freedom and ownership for the ākonga.

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Check in with them - ask how things are with _______. Follow up. Bring the parties together if they haven’t done that yet on their own. Do it subtly, by seizing an opportunity when they are in the same space.

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Use time. Let both parties know you’ve had a conversation but if possible leave some time for the emotions to settle. Sometimes just giving each parties the chance to talk will have been enough and you’ll see them together after sorting it out.

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Prepare each person before meeting. Make sure each person is ready to talk to the other person.
They need to already know how what happened affect themselves and other people.
It may take time to go through this process but it is a worthwhile learning process.

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Everyone has a chance to talk. Let's listen to .....  speak. You will have a turn too.
What I heard you say is ..... . How do you think it may have affected ...... when that happened?
How can we make this right for you (or ......)?

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Asking why is irrelevant.
Tailoring the conversation and language to suit the needs of the kids.